How to feel safe when all we feel is stress & fear

[@hew195050]

This is so necessary for those of us who cannot either afford or find someone who can take our hand and walk us thru this darkness.

[@tender3066]

Im in the same boat..:but stay open to meeting someone who has walked your struggle and come through the other side. The most healing experience there is, is a solid mentor. They exist, and they’re free, and often they become life long friends.

[@Taratreehugger]

That’s true. It’s so unfair. And also, even if you do find a therapist who can do it, you can only see them for one or two hours a week. It doesn’t feel like enough.

[@debbiesdirt7928]

Same boat. Need help, can't afford professional or online programs that cost 200-2000$.

[@roadmystic]

​@@tender3066I pray for friends like this.

[@JennaCiela]

This is so important. I reject how most people throw survivors into anxiety categories. Many people are trying to heal after surviving in dangerous environments for so long. Therapy doesn’t always work because it’s easy to regret opening up to practitioners, because clients still feel like it can still backfire on them somehow. I hear many people feel this way after trying to go to therapy.

[@bunny_0288]

I had a miscarriage a few months ago after trying to conceive for 11.5 years. It was emotionally traumatizing for me. The fact that a death occurred inside my own body while I was home in my bed. The place where I felt the safest completely messed me up. Because if something so horrible could happen there, it means nowhere is really safe. It means something horrible can happen anywhere and at anytime. And that put me into 24/7 fight or flight mode. I started having anxiety attacks and feeling anxious and a feeling of dread in my stomach almost every day for months. I no longer felt safe anywhere because something horrible happened while I was safe in my bed inside my own body. My digestion was messed up because I was in fight/flight mode. Every time I had heartburn I was convinced I was having a heart attack. It was bad. I developed rib pain from being constantly tense. I felt like I had no control and that nowhere was safe. I have slowly been getting better. The anxiety switched to more sadness and crying and depression last month which I actually preferred. I felt like I was actually grieving instead of thinking I was going to die soon, and I've been feeling better the last few weeks. I have actually gone several days without crying which is so good. And I've actually started feeling happy again. Before I felt either anxious, depressed, or like nothing mattered. But going months without feeling safe and thinking you're going to die is just horrible, and I'm sorry for anyone else who has gone through something like this.

[@bettywhite6672]

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. It will help others like me. ❤ I pray and hope you are feeling better. Much love and hugs to you.

[@irenemitrowka2397]

❤

[@juliehorsley48]

I am so touched by your comment and what you shared and I hope that you have continued to heal and meet the trauma and loss.

[@crystalw.bishop1374]

❤❤❤

[@Sumapath]

Hope you are doing better now. Sending love

[@aliveandwell3958]

As a chronic pain and anxiety sufferer, I haven't felt consistently safe in my body in years. I have moments where I'm completely calm, but I realize those moments aren't long enough (nor frequent enough) to totally desensitize my nervous system.

[@jeremysheets9140]

If you find something that helps please let me know

[@saliharoshan7636]

@@jeremysheets9140 I second your comment

[@thrillsbreh]

Let US know and god bless you all

[@shahilagh]

I know what u say .... once after a treatment I was better much better. I told to the practitioner that I feel sad (I was sad because I know from experience that this relief won't last much at all) ... he said we sometimes have secondary gains from pain, lets discuss this next time!............ I responded to him clearly ... isn't it sad that ppl who treat chronic pain patients have no idea of what chronic pain means and implies?

[@IreneLyon]

Hey there Alive and Well, Seth here with Team Lyon. I hear yah! I created an entire lifestyle of soothing for myself in order to manage my anxiety and chronic pain - lived out of the mainstream and mostly in the woods for 13 years, by myself or in small communities, including a hot springs resort for seven years where I could soak and sauna every day - and that did help me manage and feel relatively ok most of the time, but I never actually felt safe, and I was still in pain a lot unless I stayed stoned most of the time, and if I went into the world at all BAM, severe anxiety came rushing back. I never found true resolution and healing until I discovered this work and applied myself to it consistently. It took about seven years of learning and doing but now I DO feel safe and am completely free from chronic pain and anxiety. It can happen! If you haven't gotten into this work yet, it's definitely worth exploring. Irene has loads of free resources a person can explore to see if they resonate with her approach. And if you do, SmartBody SmartMind, our 12 week intensive is open for registration until end of day this Sunday. Or maybe private work with a practitioner would suit you better, that can be a great way to go too. Whatever way you do it, I encourage you to keep watching here, and to check out the practical side of the work too - it really can help! Here's some links to explore.... Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ SmartBody SmartMind - smartbodysmartmind.com/ How to find a good Somatic Practitioner - kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZmW7d2p3g9Okfc0

[@yvasquez2449]

I go around constantly feeling unsafe…like something bad is about to happen to me. I can’t even define what that bad thing is but I have these constant feeling of dread and doom. Sometimes is overwhelming and any little problem triggers that feeling, thinking “this is it, isn’t ? Is the bad thing I have been waiting for. Sometimes I can control it but often I can’t and I wake up at night feeling afraid and I don’t even know of what! It is truly exhausting.

[@IreneLyon]

Y Vasquez, Jen here from Team Lyon. You described to a "T" what it can feel like for some of us when we are living from a place of survival physiology. The good news is that this can change when we learn to work with the nervous system. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video series in case you'd like to learn more, and also to one of her free practices. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 4 Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/

[@dianeshoemaker6591]

It’s not what I want to hear, especially when there are so many online nervous system programs touting how fast healing and regulation can happen. BUT, what Irene is saying resonates at fundamental level. I want the quick fix, just a few months and magical transformation to happen. It feels so unfair to have to do so much work just to get what others were given so freely in childhood. But alas life is not fair and I feel grateful that Irene is offering a way out of the prison of never feeling safe. What she says makes the most sense.

[@MayanPrincess3]

I’ve been suffering with severe anxiety. I think the most severe I’ve ever had it in my life besides when I was a child and would cry for hours unnoticed or told to shut up or else I would get hit. My body has gone into full blown PTSD for the past year and a half. I realized my nervous system is shot. I shake uncontrollably sometimes over very small stressors. Thank you for these videos. I don’t have the funds right now but I’m hoping one day I can pay for your program

[@abcek6006]

I can relate to so much of this. Feeling the things in your body. Although its uncomfortable, it does work. For me the feeling of not doing/being good enough is so present in my system. I can literally feel it.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi abce, Jen here from Team Lyon. Another of Irene's videos came to mind when I read your comment. I'll share it here in case you want to check it out. Disgust: The Gateway Emotion for Healing Toxic Shame - kzbin.info/www/bejne/aHzPh2SweZqUqdk

[@suzannemartin6817]

Thanks for sharing that example. It’s helping me understand better what Irene is talking about.

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

I keep feeling "victim shamed" (I know I am not a victim although I was victimized )& blamed for my own abuse narcissistic abuse ,neglect and abandonment trauma . sometimes I wish someone else could sit in my session so they can tell me if I am right or if It's literally my twisted perception of people due to early childhood trauma..IDK having Cptsd really effects my life in ways I am struggling to change on my own but can't afford to find qualified help. I don't know what other work I can do other than KZbin videos and excersises.. It's so true that the symptoms keep me from doing the things I want and love to do and I would love companions in my life but I seem to have a thick aura of " you better back the F up buddy " & probably a glaring stare saying "don't you dare!"....talk about unintentional self sabotage ... I've been trapped for so long and now that I am free I'm realizing just how much is going on in me...its very overwhelming and takes all my energy to stay out of horrible depression...I am so very grateful for you beautiful soul...I can't wait to not be constantly in fight,flight, freeze, or fawn.. I feel God is calling me to share so much and I just can't get unstuck and find the confidence I need to even start. Bless your beautiful self....NAMESTE ❣😇🙏

[@marje2863]

Irene talks in this video about the importance of getting away from situations or relationships where it is not safe. What makes me feel unsafe is that I do not have a social network. I am all by myself. No one I can ask for help from if I need to, no relative who accepts me as I am, no one who wants to listen to me. No one ever makes contact. I have no problems talking to people or taking contact. During all my years, I am the one who kept relationships going and when I stopped calling the relationships died out. So I live in a situation where unsafety is there all the time. How can I create inner safety without the outer safety?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Marie, Jen here from Team Lyon. Often inner safety and outer connection go hand in hand. As we take steps to grow access to ventral vagal physiology, forming social connections - including connections that are mutual and reciprocated - tend to become easier and more accessible. Irene talks about topics that relate to this in her free Healing Trauma video training, so I'll link to that. I'll also link to a video that talks about ways to experience that sense of connection without socializing. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma Four Ways to Spark Up the Social Engagement Nervous System without Socializing - kzbin.info/www/bejne/oHXMmItsqrVrb9E

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

Faith and God helped me, completely different to religion/spirituality or churchianity- those did more damage. I wasn't raised in a Christian home, I was raised in a dark, addicted, violent pit - nowhere and no one was safe, yes really. Trying to heal so my little ones don't experience the adversity I did, I cried out to God for help He showed me Truth and set me free. These video's are pure gold wisdom and you've obviously been through significant trials. Thank you for helping so many. Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. Free indeed!

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

@@IreneLyon this is transformational, thank you especially for the links 🙏😘

[@beauthentic7493]

I have the exact situation for 3 years now. It's awful.

[@bambismomkelly7423]

Yes, I think many can relate to your experiences. Loneliness is at a record high in all countries. Many feel disconnected and lacking community. For me, my pets give me unconditional love and companion ship. I take joy and comfort in little things, such as hobbies, reading, cooking, walking my dog in nature. Also try to take some classes in things that interest you. I have found that book clubs help you connect to others, because you meet simply to talk to each other. I wish you much good luck in this challenge. You are not alone.

[@hyenaedits3460]

I didn't even think about how my early childhood hospitalizations could have impacted my psyche more than just my medical phobias. This is super helpful!

[@fifiearthwanderer]

Wow! Same!

[@christinewawra]

This is so helpful! Thank you 🥰 I often accused myself for feeling the supposedly same very heavy feelings like blank fear, insecurity and despair. All triggered by some actual constellation or event. But: now I realize that this is part of the healing and I am going through again and feel from a different position. Maybe sometimes actual experiences bring the old ones up... So after this video I feel encouraged.....

[@amberinthemist7912]

I know this is old but I'm just finding you. This is so beautiful and helpful.

[@somatische-integration]

I have no words to express my gratitude for all the amazing work you are putting out there!! The knowledge about trauma and its integration has the potential to change the world! And you are a big part of it!! Thank you Irene!! ❤❤❤

[@culturedancer]

It sounds like this process is gradual desensitization through systematically confronting triggers or in other words, a kind of immersion therapy. I agree that merely avoiding triggers doesn't work.

[@SybilNix]

I love that you mentioned the fact that we can’t just wait to be in a fully safe environment, and I think this reaches us on a subconscious level, too. Because our mind is so focused on the threat, there will NEVER be a truly “safe” moment to know it’s time to begin. I’m an education major and my independent study is about teaching educators how they can help students feel regulated during the school day so that they are actually receptive to the learning environment. (It’ll also help educators feel regulated themselves, which is so important for classroom management and their general health?) But how can they truly feel safe when the news is full of school shootings?? Thank you 💖

[@annalynn870]

hi i'm sorry this is random but i'm a hs senior trying to figure out my major for next year and i'm wondering if you're looking to make teaching educators how to make students feel safe your actual career? that sounds absolutely incredible to me and i'm just wondering what path you're planning to take with that if you'd be willing to share!

[@jAnEl1111]

That is phenomenal, I've been thinking about how we need this!!! I have been struggling with certain individuals within my daughter's elementary school system. Would you have any recommendations on jargon/language that facilitates communication with those who think it's okay to repeatedly deny a child with severe anxiety to seek help during a panic attack in class. We had a system setup with a counselor and therapist, but the teacher denied her to utilize it. She said, things like just swallow your tears and sit down, or your just nervous, your fine, No. I am at a loss with those who haven't had an understanding, while the school is covering their ass, with all these empty platitudes. I would love to read what you've been working on, or would gladly take any advice:) Thank you:)

[@GraceMcManus-p4u]

Dear Irene, I am a senior citizen who has experienced childhood and shock trauma over my lifetime. I discovered your work about a year ago and feel it is such needed instruction. I cannot agree more. This stuff takes practice. I have decided that I am willing to do this work as long as it takes. When you said "start where you are", that resonated with me. I have done SBSM and will do it again in September. Thanks for all of your work and Team Lyon's work in bringing this information to so many individuals in the world.

[@IreneLyon]

Hello @GraceMcManus-p4u thank you for your feedback and we're glad you are committed to this nervous system work. It's never too late to start! Looking forwarding to welcoming you to SBSM's hallways once again this September.

[@heartsofgoldenrod]

I didn’t experience adversity you discuss when I was young, but did have a traumatic event about ten years ago, that I have been able to make a lot of progress on, but am still dealing with surrounding unsafe because the people involved are still around and are seeming to infiltrate my safe circle, making it very hard for me to be trusting and heal. Am looking forward to hearing this video, as I’m looking for a way to feel safe despite what’s going on outside of me right now.

[@IreneLyon]

Hello, Sophie here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment, you appreciate you sharing. If you'd like to know more about your nervous system and how to work with it, we recommend Irene's abundant free resources and mini-training over here: irenelyon.com/free-resources/ Additionally, we recommend this video of Irene talking about how to heal in a toxic environment kzbin.info/www/bejne/i2WsmKeoj6l9jsk

[@scottphillips2420]

it's like the power of a secret, once you air it out it seems to go away.

[@SunnyBunney]

I feel like this video validates emdr. I have been doing emdr therapy for a year, and it seems as tho a LOT of stuff has come up for me to deal with and it’s been intense. But I am praying that it’s worth it. Some brain rewiring courses say not to bring up any trauma ever… but you gotta feel it to heal it.

[@IreneLyon]

Sunny, Jen here from Team Lyon. We find that people can have mixed reactions to EMDR. Some find it very helpful, others don't notice much difference, and some have adverse reactions. It can be important to feel one's experience, and from a nervous system perspective, it's important to do so while also respecting one's current nervous system capacity. Many of us need to take steps to grow capacity in order to be able to meet and hold our experience in ways that create sustainable change. I'll link to a few related videos in case you'd like to learn more. How to create a practice to grow nervous system capacity - irenelyon.com/2019/01/15/how-to-create-a-practice-to-build-nervous-system-capacity/ How trauma is really released? - kzbin.info/www/bejne/mYCplGmjr8qFa6M

[@SunnyBunney]

@@IreneLyon omg thank you so much! I really appreciate this ♥️

[@juliacooley713]

They’ve said I stink, they’ve said I should let go of the past. My male case manager was never there for me as he never showed up for appointments and I was changed to a new female case manager but I like how you said about assessing the situation. To be curious is like I’m guided but to keep fearing is where the cellular safety comes in like that it is comfortable. You’ve taught me that to deactivate and brought up when I was caught in the ocean and on a river rafting trip I went under the raft and came up with the raft over my head and had to save myself, swim ashore.

[@shandalyn1865]

Thank you for the work you do and resources provided. Your work has been instrumental for my healing journey 💕

[@malamadrone2520]

This feels so true in my body. As a person who always feels precarious and questions my safety constantly, I have never heard anyone explain this so clearly. I've done so much work around safety... but this feels so healing to build my capacity and feel my survival energy.

[@Lilyb3333]

Especially during a pandemic I am raising a baby and trying so hard to keep my fears at Bay so that I can be there for my child. Our mentality has a long term impact on ourselves and our children.

[@butterflytotem]

Thank you Irene! You're amazing and are giving me hope to finally heal from chronic pain and CPTSD. I love your energy, your voice and regulation. You're so soothing to me! Thanks with all my heart 🤗💜💜💜

[@imaginationturtle5447]

Hi! I’m also learning to heal from cptsd - I was stuck for almost a year but have been making so much progress lately thanks to this channel and inner child work from Patrick Teahan - writing to myself and doing new things. Adhd meds also really helped but before all of that the real change came from the other stuff I mentioned

[@flosotall3041]

Whenever feeling a high levels of stress I automatically think people are out to get me and start having psychotic episodes. I thank you for you enlightening me on this subject. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@learning4705]

16:55 also if you 'have' a house to be safe in (not at risk of being evicted).

[@lolamarie3884]

Irene, I can’t quit put this simply, yet whenever I watch / listen to your videos, I feel so soothed. The way you teach is really something and I’m so grateful for that. I listen to some teachers sometimes, and although their information is pretty good, I end up feeling so much more dysregulated… not sure if anyone else experiences this?! So anyway, Irene, THANK YOU!!

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Lola, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks so much for sharing this. What you describe makes perfect sense and yes, many other people have shared similar experiences. You system is feeling Irene's regulation, as well as taking in the info. Most people, including many in the helping healing worlds, are not regulated.

[@Doorto_theriver]

This is an amazing point, Seth! I also feel Irene’s regulation. It makes me feel so safe and understanding. It feels maternal in a way, too, which feels very good for me. I feel so blessed to have found you guys.

[@jamierobb6354]

​@@IreneLyon Hey Seth. This makes so much sense. Haven't thought about co-regulation, but I feel the same way. These videos soothe, while most other videos I've watched from other practitioners or trauma focused channels further dysregulate. Very helpful to finally know why. Thanks :)

[@maryisbell6421]

I experience more in some videos and it's really hard

[@DarenHarmon]

I find myself listening to her content when I am going through stuff and end up feeling a lot better about things

[@TheBlackCat1337]

my brain injury has limited my ability to do creative thought and imagination. Which along with the other symptoms has made most coping strategies moot and my only way out of each long and torturous episode is through I can't remember, mostly gets me numb to it until another things that is triggering or emotional gets stronger and takes its place.. I can't find anything while still dealing with the mental and health issues which makes basic self care a hard thing to do, even a basic daily task can be like walking through a battlefield. the more i distract from it and get a small day or two break (which is a improvement!) the more it comes back and more intense and pin point. The trauma of being tortured and not having control of most of yourself for years is a bumpy and steep one.

[@shakagcl]

You articulate so brilliantly what I have been aware of for so long. Until I found your videos 3 years ago and later did the 21day and SBSM, I had a "nack" of picking unsafe guides, eg, The sleep specialist who when I said, "I think this (sleep apnea) might have something to do with having been birthed breached." To which she sarcastically replied, "That was a long time ago, George!", Implying I should just get over it and she was only one of many. The stuff just keeps surfacing til it "don't" (sic), and I'm so glad even at age 80 that it does, eg, This past month survival arousal kicked in BIG TIME when I had a medical issue "down there" and my mind was convinced I had Covid so having much medical trauma en utero and early childhood, I put off going to the hospital hoping the symptoms would go away. They didn't. So in big trembling survival arousal I bit the bullet, and wound up in the hospital where i spent 5 days on IV antibiotics, ate great veg food (Adventist hospital), had great doctors, tended to by sweet Thai nurses,

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi George, Jen here from Irene's Team. We met at Up & Down in Vancouver a few years back. Definitely hearing you on the way this stuff sticks around until it don't. Glad you were able to navigate your survival state to go to the hospital and get what sounds like some great TLC!

[@whoami1654]

How did you get on with the 21 day programme.

[@chemical93girl]

Thank god for you irene, you have no idea how much you help people

[@bensouthall2612]

"not gonna come in and start being hostile and mean, hurting my client" - wish my previous therapists had had that view 🙄

[@barbaraalbert5600]

I received a text of termination with no explanation. With a"you must feel sad". After 12 years, twice a week she thought my go to was sad. Thinking no therapist. Transference is happening with anyone medical...and female as the main abuser was. I don't trust. This reinforced. And I've craplosds developmental. In my baby book is "fed by spoon at 13 days" Am kid #4, of 5. Within 7 years. Narc 'parents' . This is not about me, narcissism is a personality disorder (supposedly). I hope im starting to understand because I need for the narcs to stay in their graves. Not me talking about them in the present. And I deserve to be free like what needed

[@tbicaretaker4232]

Thank you for providing so much powerful and informative content for free.

[@kinzy5401]

Your voice is very calming, you're very intelligent.. I wish my mom were like you..

[@pedrom8831]

I read a really good Seth article which says that we first need to get to 'baseline regulation,' but this video is saying that we first need to sense the bad stuff, for it to release? In his TRE article he says "Things that need to happen before we start getting the energy moving in any kind of activation/deactivation way: we need to first directly support the physiology to achieve some baseline regulation... Above all, the whole person must experience - mentally, emotionally, bodily - what it is like to be held in a safe space, listened to, attuned with, and supported appropriately. They need to start to feel a sense of ‘okay-ness’. With complex trauma like we have in industrialized society all of this needs to happen *first* (emphasis mine), usually for many months if not years, before the system is authentically ready to mount an activation/deactivation response (no matter how titrated)." Irene literally says it's the other way around, at 15:45 How are we supposed to follow this advice if it's completely contradictory? I'm sorry to sound so blunt, but this is such foundational stuff, and traumatized people are already very confused and vulnerable.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Pedrom8831, Seth here, thanks for your comments and questions. I can understand how this may be confusing. The problem is that this work is so complex and multi-layered, and it's difficult to talk about everything all at once. She does, however, allude to the same thing I am saying. Just before the part you bookmarked, starting at 14:51 - 'once we make that decision, ok, I'm going to do this work, I'm going to sense, I'm going to feel, but I'm also going to stay grounded, oriented, connected to the environment - these are all things I teach within my classes and eguides and courses - once we can get that onboard and we keep practicing it, practicing it, practicing it... it builds our foundation, which then builds our capacity to be with more intensity' - here she is talking about the same thing I am in that article - building foundations, building capacity and baseline regulation, which then allow those survival energies to bubble up organically. She's speaking quickly though, so it can be easy to miss in this format. What she means at 15:45, is that even with that baseline foundation, it still will likely not feel 'safe' to allow these things to come out, which is true. Survival energy can feel edgy to work with for a long time, so if we wait til we feel 100% safe to start, we may never start, that's what she's alluding to. Then, in the sidebar that follows, she talks about how we do not want to start this work if we are literally living with survival threat, and we need to get out of that threat first, which is another example of building safe foundations first, before working with survival energy. And she says, at 16:30 - 'in that case, then we have to look at, ok, how can we build resource, and boundaries, and slowly build capacity.... what can we do to gain capacity and resource so we have more robustness so we can get out of that environment." Then at 17:08 - 'we also will know that even if there is 'safety' in the environment, it doesn't mean that your physiology is going to know that it's safe, and your job, our job, when we know that's the case is to build up the resiliency, the capacity, to be with tough things in little drop pieces - titration'. So we are saying the same thing, it just goes by quickly in the video, and so probably isn't as clear! Hope that helps :)

[@pedrom8831]

Thanks for this response, Seth I’m not sure though if I’ll ever get a handle on this stuff. My body is in hyperarousal all the time. It’s incredibly uncomfortable and so bewildering. Our health service where I live is pretty much useless, and I’ve had terrible experiences with SE therapists - they made me so much worse and weren’t able to explain what was going on with me. I have no baseline regulation whatsoever, and this doesn’t seem too common. My last therapist seemed shocked that my body never calmed down. I’ve just had to deal with it. I feel like I’m being told that I need to feel further into this activation in order to allow it to discharge, but that seems to be making it even worse. It’s like there’s no chance or rest or settling, and the model of the poltvagal ladder doesn’t help much! It seems to suggest that my body won’t settle until I’ve processed all this activation.

[@heartsofgoldenrod]

@@pedrom8831 not sure if you are still looking, but have you tried using breath to regulate? Like wim hof method? I have had success with it calming my system down when triggered, although I don’t like starting it for some reason. He has some videos for beginners too. I’m actually going to go do a round now because that’s what I really need right now. ❤

[@flosotall3041]

Amazing been battle with this type of survival mechanism for years. It’s not serving me anymore I need to let go now and do the work that leads me to better health. Thank you Irene you are amazing

[@fifiearthwanderer]

Literally took the words out of my mouth. Wow its awesome to see other people that cab relate to my experience I have Always felt like I was the only one. I never understood it.

[@inesperndorfer7894]

@@fifiearthwanderer i feel the exact same way. would like to meet some of you in person i feel like haha it would probably be helpful

[@kimberlytrent5245]

Same here. So alone

[@holysaintjoydivergence2195]

Thank you so much for taking the time to make your video it is helping me understand how to recover from trauma a little bit easier; and a little bit at a time.

[@mirandacoles9425]

Yes! This is my experience and I happened to reflect on this last night @attuneforconnection. I’m an adoptive mum so I’m not only dealing with my own survival stressors and impulses but those of my child as well. Her reactions are mighty triggers for me so I’m having to work damn hard to build capacity. It’s essential!!!! So love what you’re saying here Irene - thank you 🙏

[@annunderwood8025]

Oh how much this has helped me understand why it’s taken a year and a half to feel “somewhat safer” from a toxic relationship. This explains so much.. so thankful for this channel. Be blessed.

[@leila595]

I appreciate this channel so much.

[@amandasymon4363]

You described me exactly - I feel at last understood 🙏

[@marnieaflalo3702]

Thankyou so much, I’ve been doing this full time for 2 years and recently I’ve been worrying it’ll be this intense forever etc.. and what can i structure into my daily life to up things to the next level. So this video was so validating and reassuring and guiding. I learn from and appreciate your work so much!

[@khansherani]

Create more capacity of feelings, and then let u observe the sensations of unsafety and fear with ur awareness till it titrate bit by bit and dissolve within u

[@healherheartempath2151]

Im in the process of it now. I recognize when I have survival stressors creeping up in situations. The skills and support I have help little by little.It does take time and effort even with the awareness

[@YasharH-kh1mg]

So incredibly useful, thank you for this video dear Irene! Helps a lot to slowly gain a deeper understanding of the process.

[@stephanieg4950]

excellent information. came at such a timely moment too as im doing EFT therapy. thank you!

[@morningdevotionswithnickpe436]

This is good. Thank you for this.

[@smyrnasstory]

“Safeguard practical wisdom and thinking ability. When you lie down, you will have no fear; You will lie down, and your sleep will be pleasant”

[@tommydinob]

So good. Lean into the fear….it’s ok….you can do this.

[@joanazokos2297]

Thank you Irene. I am so grateful I've found you. I am learning so much!

[@Freedomforvera]

Is it always about childhood? Tbh i have lost all my safety feeling after I moved abroad, experienced racism, abusive work and private relationships. I have been a very trusting person with lots of hobbies, successful career, and also talents in art but I have become a a completely different person, lost everything beautiful, everything I enjoyed and loved. I have been broken to an incredible degree by some people, every person I see in this country is a potential threat for me because I have been harrassed even at doctor, and healers. I dont know where I can go in such a world. I am in survival state, oscillating between giving up and surviving. Afraid of even my neighbours. I keep on watching healing stories of stray dogs to keep hope. I have no trust to any person anymore. (I used to have lots of friends until age of 28) this all happened afterwards. I feel all those unpleasant sensations, my body is like on electricity, but doesnt help for me.

[@IreneLyon]

Itır - It's not always about childhood, yet it often is at least in part. Sometimes it is stressors in adult life that expose a nervous system that was not regulated to begin with. Here's one of Irene's posts about surprising experiences that may be traumatic: irenelyon.com/2019/01/15/9-common-human-experiences-that-can-be-traumatic-but-are-often-seen-as-not/ -Mara with Team Lyon

[@Lilredjeanie]

Thank you so much for this. I've been on this major tsunami ride for the past couple of days and this education really helped me. I felt almost desperate for not finding any safety in myself or from the connections I have but understanding this somehow helped me to get the connection to my body (to be specific - to the gut) and it's sensations and the terror and the anxiety decreased immediately. Absolutely amazing experience.

[@teamlyon3109]

That's great Annastiina, thanks so much for sharing! - Seth from Team Lyon

[@isabellekp]

Never heard this subject explained so well.....thank you!

[@Tinyteacher1111]

I grew up in a very chaotic, unsafe environment, but I don’t feel like people are out to get me at all. Actually, I feel the opposite. I feel like I’m a happy person who is friendly and loving; however, and this may be big… I have had chronic pain for the past 20 years after having a toxin overload from breast implants, mold toxicity, weird infections (due to the toxins), surgeries for organ failure (which I know changes your DNA), and now I have severe Lyme coinfections and a broken arm. I’m being taken advantage of by my adult son and ex-husband who have moved in here because they have mold and my ex has not had his home remediated for the past 2 1/2 years! I feel like the stress is killing me now. I was a high school teacher for almost 40 years and respected my students, taught them to meditate, and I loved my career. Maybe that made me feel safer that I could take care of myself, but now I’m still bailing out people. I guess I’m a people pleaser.

[@careangel...lorinda8455]

Thank you Irene, for explaining this awesome info. with such flow and finesse.

[@LaEllen1]

You have to feel all the feels; no bystepping.

[@jeremysheets9140]

95% pain 5% not

[@annechappee8825]

So how do you survive that?

[@Rachelllllll2024]

Constant exposure. You collect new evidence to dispute the negative thoughts and dread. ​@@annechappee8825

[@Dietcult]

It isn't always safety first. Thank you for considering that you can start healing first.

[@adamb.9968]

Thank you-you convey these ideas very, very well.

[@esmieadele8865]

WOW, never have i heard anyone explain why i went into shutdown response as a baby even though my parents were loving, i was born with a birth defect and only last year (age 20) after 8 surgeries was the defect found. so yes recent years have been deeply traumatic, but long before that ive felt deeply unsafe and unregulated within myself. thank you so much for mentioning that birth defects can do this!!! working towards feeling safe, its slow and hard but im determined!

[@Tahia_rt]

Life saving ❤

[@madselving669]

This is a video which Can help so much! Thank you so much for your work, it saves lives and you really put this hard topic into a perspective anyone Can handle. It helped me so much

[@carolinlovelifecoach]

I love healthy stress, but the toxic one is dangerous. Great to advise how to handle that.

[@BlenyyG]

This is well said, thank you.

[@susansalaman6278]

Wow!! You explained this so well. Thank you❤

[@johnykryll]

Brilliant explanation, really made sense to me. Thank you for taking the time to help folk

[@annyspb1]

Nice one, Irene. As so often, exactly what I needed to hear. Love & hugs

[@sharonbruyere9488]

Irene I am in a situation where I am dealing with deep shame and guilt in my marriage. Things I did long ago. I have pushed myself away from my husband over the years unconsciously but now know it is because of the guilt that I couldn’t cope with. He is unbelievably supportive in my journey but we did have resistance in our marriage before. I still feel the push back even though I am working on reuniting in a real open hearted way. He is doing the same and I could not ask for more of an amazingly forgiving and patient man. How do you do the work while still in the same environment of the person you feel so deeply badly with because of what you have done. This all stems from childhood trauma. Thank you.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Sharon, Seth here with Team Lyon. It sounds like in addition to doing your own work, you need some good couples work so that you can get some assistance in uncoupling your childhood trauma from your relationship with your husband, and get to a place of acceptance and forgiveness for yourself. I also suggest doing the somatic trauma work for yourself, either through Irene's many online offerings , or with a good practitioner. You can check all she has to offer on her website ... irenelyon.com/

[@ericarceneaux]

Love this so much!

[@sarinahay1523]

😢😢 I just cry listening to this. I’m just suffering too much and family n partner is also a trigger cuz they say mean things when you go into fight or flight.

[@laurenturner7265]

Thank you so much for this video. This feels like exactly me. I had significant childhood abuse from my mum, and am currently living with chronic illness (pots/dysautonomia) for about 2 years. Im making great progress, but currently am really struggling to feel safe. Its like I'm trying to convince my mind and body I'm safe, and its not sticking. I think this is exactly why. I'm looking forward to letting my feelings come forward! I feel like I've ridden a few tsunamis in the severity of my symptoms. I think my body struggles to allow these very old and deeply contained sensations and traumas to come out. Do you have a meditation or guided talk that does exactly this, or know one that does? I'm ready and buckled in to do the work, I just need a bit of help letting my body know it's time for and ok to let deep things be felt. ♥️♥️

[@IreneLyon]

@laurenturner7265, Jen here from Irene's Team. It's great to hear that you're making great progress! That sounds like something to acknowledge and celebrate. And I hear you about trying to convince your mind and body that you're safe, and that it's not sticking. Learning to feel safe at a felt sense level deep in our cells can take time, and this can be especially the case when we experienced early adversity. This nervous system work can help with that for sure. This said, it's not usually one meditation or practice that creates the shift but rather a mix of practices that repeated over time that allow us to listen to and respond to our physiology in real time. I'll link to a free resource that you might check out, and to a Patty's success story that came to mind. If this work speaks to you, also encourage you to check out Irene's self study course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. I'll link to that too in case you want to learn more. 4 Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/ Breaking through fear via somatic self-touch. Patti's SBSM Success Story - kzbin.info/www/bejne/p3bXXmppepplps0 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/

[@BigLMTL]

Well explained, love all your videos, thanks for sharing. Such a great help for healing.

[@vorahstory8528]

That's really helpful because I have fear of get in my bed and it is such a comfy bed makes me realise why

[@JustD1zz]

As one who's disregulated, I can't help but feel that Any emotion(s) are just a big ball of yarn that was wrapped up quickly and thrown in to a bucket of other tangled, wrapped up balls of yarn. I do understand that there Needs to be regulation set in place to better understand (And unravel that yarn!) My emotions but it's Extremely difficult to start that process. The energy is too much And there is a voice calling out but I'm just unprepared to listen And feel. It's almost like having someone believe in you in order for Yourself to believe in you - I almost need someone to do the 'Feeling' for me so that I can better understand as they may translate better. I just wish we had USB ports in us at this point so that we can be hooked up to a system and be shown what Exactly is happening or having something that can pinpoint the most Severe emotion as a start. Again, I just have a hard time trusting And translating what I'm feeling so that I can work on it. Thank you Irene for your knowledge!

[@teamlyon3109]

Hey Just D1z, Seth here with Team Lyon. This makes complete sense. When we experience trauma early on, and then over and again, all those emotions and sensations do often tend to become snarled and wrapped up together. We call this the trauma vortex. Even better than a usb port though, is education and somatic, nervous system based practices. It's very important to learn about trauma physiology, as well as the physiology of regulation, so we can cognitively understand what is happening inside us. This helps the threads start to loosen a bit. the body knows what it is ready to heal, and will present us with what is most important in the moment as we learn more and turn our attention to it. Then the somatic practices, we call them neurosensory exercises, give us ways to work with what is unraveling. So please keep watching and learning and consider trying out Irene's free resources! I've put some links below that may be helpful. Healing Trauma, a free 3-Part Video Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/

[@eileenmcdonnell1821]

Yes i can relate to this a lot😊

[@lenajakobsson1042]

Thank you so much Irene! How do you do this work when you constantly get overactivated spending time with people and the survival stress gets really high? Are you supposed to feel the activation in the body while you´re relating to others? If that´s the case, I find it really hard while listening and talking to others....

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Lena Jackobssen, Jen here from Team Lyon. Many people with trauma, and especially those of us with early/developmental trauma get easily over activated spending time with people. As for what to do, there's not an easy answer as it depends on your history and nervous system. In general, in situations such as these you might consider stepping away to give your system (and you!) a chance to settle, or interact with the people you're with in a way that supports this (settling/deactivation). If you haven't yet seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training I'd encourage you to check it out as I think it might shed some more light on your question and the experience you describe. I'll link to it here in case you want to check it out. irenelyon.com/healing-trauma

[@travisn346]

My experience: when the mind is consistently engaged in creative and intellectual activities, fear shuts off. No amount of rest or relaxation ever helped me. Data coming in through your senses needs to confirm that anxiety is unnecessary.

[@ShaySails]

Thank you very much for your vital work! I share your videos frequently and recommend your courses and workshops.

[@tb4332]

This video is one of the best and most informative I’ve seen on these very important subjects. I’m feeling very grateful to have found this wonderful wealth of information and resources provided by this highly skilled provider. Just one question + how can someone process trauma that they cannot remember ? Thank You Ms. Irene 💝

[@robster7012]

@Terrance, whilst I am not part of Irene's team, I think I can safely say from watching her videos, that you don't need to remember because the trauma is in the body. Through her work the body releases it. I have just started her 21 day course. All the best 🙏🏻

[@IreneLyon]

Terrance Byrd, Jen here from Team Lyon. The short answer to your question is that the body remembers what happens to us, and in this work we learn to listen to the body and support what's happening and what wants to happen. I'll link to one of Irene's related videos in case you want to learn more. Can you process a trauma that you can't remember? - kzbin.info/www/bejne/mqeanYKkl9Bjadk

[@BrendaJoan100]

Thank you this makes sense. I have done much counselling in a safe environment, but perhaps more is required to release stress related to past trauma in childhood.

[@rosiewills2431]

Thank you too so much, your time and lessons are very helpful.

[@Magnoliasdiary]

Thank you so much, I suffer severe agoraphobia and can't go anywhere without my safe person, can't either be left alone anywhere, I have this horrible phobia of going crazy, acting against my will and not being able to handle it. After my traumatic experience my body went into shutdown, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, autoimmune thyroiditis and took me years to being able to just walk again without getting tired. I'm learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable, realising anger (which I always have supressed) and feeling my body and sensations, I was getting a bit better and with Covid I had a huge setback. My therapist always recommends me your videos, she's a trauma specialist and follows your work as well as Levine's, Gabor Mate, Van der Kolk and Porges.

[@mariaramos4033]

Thank you for this amazing video. You explain everything so nicely and clearly.

[@f246632]

God bless you Irene.... at age 34 i relised my core wound ( maybe not core but core mechanism which really put me in insanely bad place...from which God saves me) ...is not taking true trust in persons ,,,and i think i developed this at age of 5 when i concioussly stopped to trust my parents.... all what you said here is resonating alot...i would just ask, which kind of practicioner you recommend,,,as im in "unsafe" enviroment and doesnt feel good to do work by myself on computer....especialy when im in this "unsafe" mode...survival..... God bless again, love you

[@f246632]

also .....uh its terrible to say, God forgive...but i am happier to be physicaly ill than mentally because whole life i think ive been gaslighted in a way....so my mother was questioning me weather im taking drugs whenever i was truly happy with no reason in childhood....also....what i notice as main "switch" which bring me to unsafe place,,,is that i have this overgiving tendency ( which is realised its fake by now) where i forget to take care of myself and put myself first...anycase,,,,from you i saw "fleeing from health" for first time...and im absolutley doing that...that was my (and still is) way of surviving....not going to any doctor...giving all to God ( which took some aspects of my persinaliy)...so also by habbit , but now first time im mentally aware of this...( whole life i was having really wrong way of connecting to people ) ....for example taking into account only sexual connection and similar...when im not well i really feel hopeless but also when by Gods grace my mind is calm and focused i feel being old me again and living in heaven so to speak....just i truly need serious and grown up way to make lasting change, because when i feel anexity attack , with intrusing toughts and similar....it shocks me so much it feels im on beggning again...all is about growing up as a soul as well...thanks for reading....also now....whenever i feel unsafe i feel i need to move, but it feels unsafe or too soon,,,and so on... Good is good and help is on the way...without God we are nothing

[@IreneLyon]

inspireNow - Mara here from Team Lyon. If you are looking to find a practitioner for private sessions, Irene strongly suggests taking some time to watch a video she created detailing “How to find a good practitioner.” kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZmW7d2p3g9Okfc0 We also recommend taking a look over the Team Lyon page as many have their own practices and accept clients. irenelyon.com/meet-the-team-3/ Some other directories that might be of help are: Somatic Experiencing practitioners: directory.traumahealing.org/ Feldenkrais practitioners: feldenkrais.com/practitioner-search/ Co-regulating Touch: coregulatingtouch.com

[@marenmacmichael6988]

This is what I needed to hear today. Thank you.

[@chrismarklowitz1001]

Hi irene I've found it's very difficult for me to experience the "little waves" as my nervous system will constantly throw anxiety after anxiety at me for good reason as my thoughts will be I dont want to say negative but definitely anxiety provoking so I dont know how to titrate in this situation where I'm always anxious basically

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Chris, thanks for your comment, this is Seth with Team Lyon. So from what you say, I think the key is in learning to really focus on the felt sense, NOT the thoughts or emotions, or interpretation. The nervous system actually doesn't throw anxiety at you, it presents you with sensations associated with an unresolved sympathetic arousal (fight/flight) state. That is what we call 'anxiety' - it is a cluster of sensations that we've given that label to. What normally happens is people become overwhelmed by the sensations, and that produces a fear response, and all of that triggers thoughts, which trigger more of the sensations. A positive feedback loop with negative results. The way to break this cycle is to really focus on the felt sense of the sensations themselves, understand they won't harm you, and work with the physiology to create space for those sensations, or to help soothe them, or to pay attention to other areas of the body that don't feel that way, or to move your attention more to the external environment. This is all stuff we teach in Irene's online programs, so those could be good to check out! irenelyon.com/programs/

[@a.k.3110]

Thank you. I keep connecting with how my body reacts. Afraid jet open.

[@IreneLyon]

@a.k.3110, Jen here from Irene's Team. Sounds like you have a plan. You might also be interested in this related video too. For us to Heal we must be willing to not fear, fear: irenelyon.com/2017/08/23/us-heal-must-willing-not-fear-fear/

[@pattif192]

Thank you for everything you do.♡

[@tarakadir9259]

Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️

[@sig1528]

You are so comforting and reassuring 😘

[@Standownevil]

You just described ME:)~🤓 Thank you for THIS exactly what our entire WORLD needs. 💙

[@nhvkuy4675]

Thank you for this useful video!

[@ladyb7327]

My digestion is HURTING. I can't (currently) make decisions. Going through a HORRIBLE break up from a socioplathic narcissist and all my stuff is still in his house. I HAVE to go back and get it, but I feel SICK. I just want to find a way to be ok (for now) and get what i KNOW I NEED TO DO DONE. He's with someone else now and I KNOW he was with her/him when we were still together and that's what I'm concerned about? I'm concerned i won't be able to keep my mouth SHUT. 💔

[@marleenengbers4058]

So the training is finding the right balance of putting attention on being in this moment (aware of invirement) and being aware (feeling the senations) of what is going on in the body?

[@IreneLyon]

Marleen Engbers, Jen here from Irene's Team. In short, the answer to your question is yes, and it's more nuanced than this. We need to be with what's arising in a way that we're oriented to the present AND we respect current nervous system capacity. Learning this can take some time, and many of us may need to take steps to first grow capacity before focusing on, or even feeling, underlying sensations, emotions, movements and move. I'll link to two related videos in case you'd like to learn more. A real-life example of an organic trauma release - irenelyon.com/2022/11/23/a-real-life-example-of-an-organic-trauma-release/ How to build somatic and nervous system capacity - irenelyon.com/2022/01/16/how-to-build-somatic-and-nervous-system-capacity/

[@nataliehalford4444]

Thanku Irene!!!!!!!

[@alexandraazer1990]

Irene, you are just awesome

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

how do we do this practice exactly? like how can I feel or make the feeling of what I don't remember come up to purposefully heal it?? can we do this alone??or should someone be with us incase we feel too much and can't stop ourselves or something

[@iseeyouurloved1703]

12:42 This is very clear for me thank you

[@arnovandijken3262]

Incredibly well explained👏

[@louisahadley7082]

I was hoping that this video was going to be about how to feel safe right now. I have woken up in a state of extreme distress and fear. My trauma symptoms are highly activated and I feel like I'm in a nightmare. Do you have any videos that can help you when you need help 'right now', when your trauma symptoms are highly activated and it feels unbearable?

[@louiseyoung1231]

Thank you. This is a helpful reminder. Thank you 💜

[@mhvandorp48]

Thank you for the interesting videos. It struck me that I would even go further in being critical regarding 'creating safety' for processing trauma. Could it not be that by creating to much safety, a false sense of reality is created which will be falsified in real life? A perceived internal locus of control in the artificial situation, might prove insufficient in real life situations, and so even provide a reinforcing force of the traumatic sensations.