The Performance of S*x Positivity

[@JouelzyBFFR]

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[@suezcontours6653]

Take down the thumb nail, please. It's ratchet and disgusting. It's not sex positive. Black Americans are brainwashed, I swear

[@catierollins8493]

When I meet a man and he’s taking about what he wants to do to me in the bedroom .. I already know it’s going to be trash. Men who put it down the best can show you better than they can tell you.😂

[@Wonderwoman79G]

Preach

[@TraceyAlo]

Absolutely true! 💯

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Show, don't tell.

[@ElleMS-14]

Truth.

[@Nmendenh-rl6ej]

I love this! Because almost all the major hip hop girlies are married or in a relationship. Their rap and their interviews are two different worlds!!!!

[@TheSomethingnew1]

And most of those marriages/ relationships are not healthy which makes this worse in my opinion.

[@solofemmenoire9108]

It’s false advertisement to me. Bc I’m single getting hyped for just single grrl vibes and they be married

[@tmitchem81]

@@solofemmenoire9108 Wait, so you shouldn't be sexually positive because some are in a relationship. How does this correlate, it's like saying self care is only important when you're single. Whether in a relationship or married, you be sexually positive and confident. SP is literally about shutting down the old school norms that woman cannot enjoy their sexuality. How is this not important...period.

[@PhoenixTheEmpress]

@@tmitchem81 I think she may mean when the woman speak of sex as singles and as a committed woman. Like the idea of casual sex, not that positivity is only for single women.

[@solofemmenoire9108]

@@tmitchem81 Hi. I literally mean I hope for songs about enjoying yourself, loving yourself, etc, and we literally get songs about how much they love men, how much they hate men, or how sad a man has made them.

[@DaniTheAlchemist33]

My husband would never embarrass me on ANY platform for clicks and views. Marriage is not for everyone . Please discuss your requirements before getting in too deep.

[@mduokpah7662]

And, if you AGREE to my requirements, don't turn around later to say i FORCED you to do something 😵 it's really not by force but i ain't gonna comprise my morals, no ma'am

[@anony1596]

‼️‼️

[@suoutubez19]

Agreed, that clip was absolutely disgusting

[@RealLifeRodger]

He needs to divorce her. Women let me tell you the fastest way to get cheated on is to engage in duty sex. Men hate it. And we secretly will resent you when you do it. That’s a man that’s fed up with duty sex and he wants to know why his wife won’t lust after him the way his paramours do. You can also look at her body language and tell that she likes the “Love Jones” aspect without understanding that her man has needs. She seems like the wife who would say “ We could have more sex if you did X,Y, and Z.” Then when he does that and doesn’t get more sex. She doesn’t understand why he has an attitude around their home. It’s a very common story….

[@nonnieJ94]

@@RealLifeRodger it’s honestly both people. The man got married so he could have continuous easy access to sex because a single man has to wine and dine to possibly get sex. Men aren’t marrying for true partnership and friendship. It’s literally an agreement between the two the man will provide what the woman wants financially and she’ll provide what the man wants sexually. So I wonder does anyone marry for actually companionship and not for a mutual agreement of exchange for life

[@AstoldbyNicole]

Also men feel entitled to our bodies. Davelle clearly said to her in more or less words “I married you, you owe me sex”. Like my body isn’t my own… I honestly hate it here.

[@PeukinsPoint]

yup.

[@jericothompson8636]

Women don’t feel entitled to our bodies AND FINANCES??? 😂😂 whew, yea both sides hate it here. Women rest in victimhood and can’t seem to figure out why nobody wants to invest. WHO WANTS TO INVEST IN VICTMS. Sheesh

[@AstoldbyNicole]

@@jericothompson8636 WHAT FINANCES FRIEND?!! 😂😂😂 Also y’all freely throw your bodies at anything with a vagina. It’s truly y’all who need to pick a side and pick it now 😂😂

[@jericothompson8636]

@@AstoldbyNicole “my time ain’t free” “ what one man won’t do another one will” women have developed all sorts of weird ass sayings basically stating men are obligated to spend our money on you. Please don’t be disingenuous. And Black men STILL OUT EARN BLACK WOMEN, so if you’re insinuating we’re broke, what does that make y’all???

[@jericothompson8636]

@@AstoldbyNicole and “y’all” don’t do shit. Some black men do that, just like SOME black women are sex workers. No difference. Know the women with the most abortions and children out of wedlock ain’t tryna pick fun at somebody for not having sexual discipline 😂😂😂😂😂

[@jetunnadine]

This may be off topic but a lot of the points in this video reminded me of one of the monologues on Heaux Tales by Jazmine Sullivan. In Amandas Tale, she says "Sex has become my superpower...sex is where I'm finding my worth. That's the one thing that I know I can make you keep coming back to me." She mentions how it's empowering but also sad because her humanity and personhood is not enough. When I'm listening to stories from my friends, it's like they wear being "good" at sex as a badge of honor almost like it's all they have to offer. I think it becomes a coping mechanism for low self esteem and women realize that this is a way to be chosen. So instead of focusing on self actualization and healing low self esteem they hone in on sex and being the best at it. I start to question, like doesn't it make you sad that your partner or situationship (lol) doesn't see value in you just as a person? And more importantly, what does it say about how you feel about yourself? I think misogyny, patriarchy and antiblackness has us all lost.

[@rachelfrombefore]

🎯 I’ve def been in that space with men where I’ve become insecure because they withdraw or are emotionally unavailable so I overcompensated with sex because it felt like the only “emotional” connection I could have with them.. and maybe it was really only emotional for me. It is awful. I unsubscribed from that shit but the feeling still comes up.

[@jetunnadine]

@@rachelfrombefore Right! I know they won't fulfill me emotionally, but I'll take anything to feel something. Even if that means he's the only one really benefiting. It's really a low feeling. It is really a struggle every single day to choose to fill myself up instead of relying on things that are fickle. I'm sad for us and want better.

[@PeukinsPoint]

looove this reference. that monologue is always haunting to me.

[@itsjamilahassan]

Very well articulated, thank you!

[@saboo1_2]

@@jetunnadine @RachelS ooof, deep, needed to read this.

[@cupcakebytheocean3998]

Is Devol not understanding that he didn’t have to continue the relationship if he didn’t actually agree with her terms? Ppl always want to say pressure or ultimatums made them do something… no, if your standards or needs don’t align then you don’t proceed with the relationship and that’s completely okay

[@afrosamourai400]

But what if he's in love?

[@afrosamourai400]

@@canone.colombe love doesn't mean sexual frustration, a lot of men are frustrated in marriage because their wives won't have sex..this is a huge problem, accomodation should go both way

[@prezhenz6969]

@@afrosamourai400 he isn’t if he thinks she’s not having enough sex for him but still wants to get married

[@FDSignifire]

Kiese was spitting on that one. I bought both his books after this one

[@datgirl4509]

I COMPLETELY agree with the aspect of black porn being rapey and not for the pleasure of black women. I love your videos!

[@jetunnadine]

Before I had the language I could never explain how I felt about this! I always felt embarrassed because I thought thats how sex was supposed to look. My stomach starts to hurt when I'm hearing some stories.

[@keeka516]

I have always thought the same as well. Whenever I see "nice" black porn I always check to see who produced it because its actually refreshing. I don't want my visuals to give off human trafficking energy. But why is this the case, though? It can't completely be budget/financial. Is this what we (the culture collectively) are accustomed to experiencing or seeing?

[@jetunnadine]

@@keeka516 It is definitely what we are accustomed to experiencing and seeing which is sad.

[@psyolytesaille]

@@jetunnadine And good luck trying to explain it and why you've kept the community at arms length. No one wants to think they're perpetuating R-culture.

[@PaperMario64]

I have to agree. It’s having an act done to you vs enjoying mutually.

[@KoreaMojo]

I wonder how many men that say they have difficulty with monogamy due to higher sex drive would continue to have high drive if the had to provide mutual pleasure everytime? I have a feeling that emotional turmoil and lack of pleasure are the two biggest causes of incompatibility in the bedroom over long term. I think it's easier to assume we aren't built for monogamy then it is to look at the attachment trauma most people have and don't heal. You cannot have a satisfying relationship even if that's your greatest desire when you have insecure attachment and your partner does as well. It's like the belief you are defective rather than your behavior is, it absolves us of work by virtue of fatalism.

[@monimuppet6132]

Oh that's a good point about the monogamy. I am not of the mind that people aren't naturally poly but these men that claim they are but only want monogamous women; nah. Miss me with that bs and go work on yourself.

[@essiethebestie1]

That first sentence hit me hard and kind of hurt my feelings. Because the truth is if they had to provide mutual pleasure they wouldn't be cut out for poly. OR if they weren't receiving much pleasure 80% of the time. They wouldn't be interested in it either.

[@imanniway8820]

Add provision to the conversation and he would not really want anything to do with multiple women. I like this comment thread.

[@Nedra812]

I think someone said in the comments that ancient wisdom/religions understand that human beings were not built so much for effortless monogamy, but disciplined monogamy. Just like any thing else. Human beings, w/o discipline especially in the realm of pleasure or carnality ( food, leisure, anger, etc) tend toward greed or excess if we simply allow our bodies to lead us w/o the guidance of purpose or benefit. When we let what comes "naturally" to us lead, we end up w/ gluttony, laziness, unforgiveness, rage etc. Human beings are to supposed to choose what is best for us and society and do that. We are to use executive function & self- discipline, not urges or what we feel like doing... Sex is no different. It is glorious and pleasurable and useful w/in the right bounds. It's destructive, addicting and potentially harmful to society when it is has no boundaries. That is what we see now. Monogamy is a lifestyle you choose, it doesnt choose you ( mostly)

[@TheHumanPurpleTape]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@crystalcastillo7575]

That podcast Clip was so frustrating. If he knew he had a strong sexual desire, he should’ve laid that out of the table in front of his date before committing . These conversations of lifestyle and desires are definitely ones people should have before any type of commitment. “Are you someone who desires a lot of sex? Do you desire to have kids or pets? Are you religious? Do you desire to raise said kids in church? Where would you raise children .. the suburbs , or the city? Are we gonna have a joint bank account? “ Etc. Unfortunately having “love” for someone is not enough for a relationship(commitment/marriage) to last.

[@jasminewilliams1673]

You can have all those conversations in the beginning but being in it is a totally different beast. Being 25 newly married is not the same sex drive as 35 with 3 kids is not the same as 45 with grown kids. People change.

[@afrosamourai400]

Those questions are excellent and should be asked before every relation...

[@TheHumanPurpleTape]

It seems that most people want to present themselves as "low maintenance" so they kind of flatten their personalities and desires to fit either the other person or the society at large.

[@JeniqueLindsay]

Love the no lash look

[@kerrazhane942]

IKR! It’s refreshing to see ❤

[@joeym.4501]

Devale was comparing monogamy to frequency as if they are one in the same and they are not. I also had an issue with him treating his commitment to her on her terms as if he’s doing a favor for her problematic. He agreed to those terms so coming at her like he did is not fair in my opinion because he made a choice to compromise what he truly wanted. I don’t see where any of that concerns her to rectify. I also don’t see what he expected out of that conversation? To that end, his urges aren’t her responsibility.

[@zupua2408]

Perfectly said, exactly.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

I think he did make a fair point though. Marriage is an institution that benefits both men and women but it comes at a great cost. Most women and men would prefer to have polyamorous relationships where one partner is for child rearing and the other is for more primal stuff. The only reason why we don’t is because our government incentivizes one over the other. So yes men are socialized to view sex a specific way but I also think women are socialized to see relationships as a fairy tale instead of what it actually is - a legal or verbal agreement to sacrifice things to keep the relationship in good standing

[@afrosamourai400]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 perfectly said, women don't understand the men pov, for a man marriage without sex frequency makes no sense why getting married to be frustrated sexually when you can have so many sexual partners while being single? Women don't get it..

[@joeym.4501]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 I agree marriage is a compromise. When the wife pointed out she ask for a marriage and didn’t force him, it flew over his head. She gave up things she wanted and he didn’t acknowledge it because he was so focused on what he feels he lost rather what he gained in his commitment to her.

[@afrosamourai400]

@@joeym.4501 she asked for marriage but won't give him sex because she didn't force him to marry her? That's some lazy answer to a real question...why do you ask for monogamy if you won't have sex with your partner is a very important question..people don't marry to be frustrated.

[@KennedyForever1294]

I was cringing the entire time during the devol conversation. She didnt have the language to be able to defend herself in that. I felt like if she had enough time to process that question maybe she could have done better. It felt very much like a gotcha moment.

[@DaniTheAlchemist33]

He blindsided her for sure. I caught second hand embarrassment 😳🤦

[@CP-ke5pr]

Yep!

[@jbell7105]

He bogus as hell for doing his wife like that. I used to like them but he is annoying as hell

[@snowpocalypse69]

That part about the woman not enjoying sex and patting her own hair in a way that suggests she might get pleasure (even not in a sexual way, just in an intimate/touch way) from receiving that kind of touch from her partner was eye opening. Sex doesn't have to be only about, or even primarily about, what you can do with your genitals. And limiting it to that will limit the kinds of pleasure and intimacy you can experience.

[@TheSacralBliss]

The clip of Devol or whatever his name is lol and his wife is so cringey because he also begged her to have a forth child after she said she didn’t want any more because he wanted a girl. Now they have four boys. God laughs. Also, who is turned on all the time and wants to have sex when you’re a working mom with four kids and husband that constantly got needs?!?! No thanks!

[@HyphenatedHistoryUK]

That convo was beginning to get me heated because the weird logic around trying to equate her setting her terms with him being “pushed” made me wanna jump into my tv screen and cuss him lmao

[@jbell7105]

@@HyphenatedHistoryUK I wanted to flat out smack him! He always seems so annoying and whiny

[@ashlovestoshop]

I HATE that Devale keeps coming into my life against my will 😩

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

That's interesting. Why do you say that?

[@pm0913]

Also, we only hear abt sex from able-bodied ppl. I’m technically not disabled, but my body has always been stiff and had limited movement due to mild cerebral palsy. I never, ever hear abt sex from ppl like me.

[@kenshinrurouni3784]

One of my best sexual experiences was with someone with a muscular disorder in their legs. Because we didn’t assume everything and we had to communicate more. Would love to hear more from these folks

[@Ricoque-u2m]

Society and most ancient religions understood that sexual discipline is very important. My belief as a collective BM have too much time on their hands NOT building or providing safe communities so they have a lot of time on their hands to focus exclusively on sex.

[@rachelfrombefore]

@Africa1234 they need hobbies 😵‍💫 And I usually don’t do this but some of the girls need hobbies too 😵‍💫

[@afrosamourai400]

It takes 2 to have sex right? When a society promotes sex as empowerment for women don't be surprised men would ask for it, if it's that great then why denying it to men? The problem is hypersexualisation of bw from betty davis, dona summers to meg thee stallion

[@Ricoque-u2m]

@Afro Betty Davis is not black you 🤡. Donna Summer was a married very religious women who stated in an interview that being g a y was a sin. BM went to the Supreme Court to fight to make disgusting rap lyrics. Men lead and women follow.

[@whytrap4901]

80% of women get pregnant by 20% of black men(pookies). ma'am why do yall keep fuckin the same 20% that aint building nothing and got too much time on their hands?

[@lifebyjo3999]

This was so eye opening for me. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years nearly a month ago and this was one of our foundational issues.

[@tresvegan3633]

I swear this is such a burden right now for my heterosexual marriage specifically. I am married to a black man who is always using manipulative tactics against me to try and get me to submit, cater, and allow him sexual, physical, mental and emotional access whenever he desires, no matter how I am feeling. He is an entrepreneur and I work a 9-5 so we both pay bills. I have to cook and clean as well and we do both parent our son in a two parent household. Instead of it being a partnership, he desires more of a catering towards him and his needs. He requests full unconditional love but he can’t provide that to me because he has kids outside of me and my condition upon us meeting and falling in love was that I had to love his kids at only 18 yrs of age myself, and stand his two children mothers. I don’t believe our marriage will last long which is so sad because I believe it derives from these manosphere talking points where western women specifically, are the enemy and the solution is to get a woman outside of this country who is better at catering towards her man. I know men feel lonely right now, so I am trying to have grace because I do deny sex a lot, but this has more to do with our relationship dynamic and how unhappy I am with it and when I find my happiness internally within the marriage, it’s demonized because it takes away my time from him and his ever growing needs. At this point, not even a therapist can help. This doesn’t even account for the abusive instances that have occurred from the beginning. I’m not sure where the future of love and relationships are headed but I do know that my beliefs of monogamy are slowly fading away and I no longer believe one person can be your everything forever. 💔 People change.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Thank you for sharing this! Your comment deserves way more likes because I think this reality is important to articulate. The biggest issue I see with women today is that we are only NOW conveying to the younger generation the sacrifices that come with monogamy and relationships with men. It’s like our parents kept it from us? Meanwhile men were told from the beginning it was hard and what they’d be giving up to keep families together. Misogyny makes being a wife much more difficult bc men have never had an issue asserting themselves and their needs. Even the nice ones (my bf) will ultimately put their needs first. As women we haven’t been trained to do that so it’s really hard, even harder when your partner isn’t respectful of what you want

[@afrosamourai400]

The guy you are describing is a selfish monster lol, all about him, his needs, his kids...the fact you accepted this while suffering from it is a proof you are not in a good relation...your only option would be to leave, cuz he won't change and you let him think he has the right to be this selfish..

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

You started off at a very young age marrying an older, more experienced baby daddy. That situation was ripe for abuse and so it's come to pass. You know what you have to do now. Take your time, marshal your resources and support network and seek a divorce.

[@TheHumanPurpleTape]

Anybody who thinks you taking brief respites for yourself is a slight to them is totally hustling backwards. Western women vs. other women is a fallacy; Western women created #tradwife... niggas just wanna abuse somebody then tell them "it's your fault". Monogamy is always tricky but if you find someone committed to the concept & committed to helping you flourish by offering you the simple things that you're requesting (respect, space, support), it can be very fulfilling. You've been married since like 18, so maybe monogamy *isn't* for you; whatever the right answer for you is, you deserve the freedom to explore yourself enough to find it. Bless.

[@emreityiii6019]

Wow this is unfortunate to hear. His demands are a lot to take on for any woman, especially you getting married young not that there's anything wrong with that with the right person of course. In my opinion he's showing the dark screwed up side of the manosphere. Men who aren't good taking certain points then weaponizing them against women while lacking their own accountability for bs. If things aren't changing for the better and you can't address your concerns with him then do what's best for you. Try not to allow this situation to break your beliefs in monogamy. It does exist and it can be wonderful.

[@MynameisNOTthepoint]

This video was EVERYTHING! You perfectly articulated this subject matter in a very real way!

[@MakaykayLAMB]

I think that if men focused less on their own sexual satisfaction and enjoyment, women would be more inclined to have sex when their man is “all over them”. Sometimes you just don’t feel like dealing with allat especially if you’re getting little pleasure out of it. Maybe if men ASKED if their woman wanted to have sex, maybe if men had more open dialogue about sex with their partners this whole podcast wouldn’t have even been an issue.

[@t33mc]

Men, this is why you should just stay single and avoid these marriage traps.

[@afrosamourai400]

But the question will still remain for men, what's the point of marriage if you can't have sex?

[@t33mc]

@@afrosamourai400 The point is legacy and an insurance that you have children looking out for you in your later years when you become very vulnerable. However, my issue is not the not having sex part because I think sex is overrated, my issue is when women weaponize it because you chose to love just them, at that point I tell any guy to just remain single, or get into a polygamous situation.

[@afrosamourai400]

@@t33mc then you are not getting the men, legacy and children is not the most important thing for men in a marriage but the guarantee of sexual exclusivity and sexual intimacy, but when in marriage most of the men are frustrated because women won't have sex...the question is why getting married if you will get sexually unsatisfied as a man? You got to put yourself in the man's position..

[@essiethebestie1]

This is too much like right. It's hard to compromise, have empathy for and think about another person's pleasure when (sexually) you view their bodies as objects. It doesn't make sense how men will laugh at the fact that they dgaf about pleasing a woman sexually. Only to turn around and be upset that she doesn't want to be used without any reciprocation, later.

[@laurenr842]

I have been approaching celibacy since march 2021 bc as much as ppl, men specifically, think sex positivity and sexual liberation is about physical appreciation, to me that is still very degrading as a person, to have casual sex or sex with people who do not see the mutual appreciation within the act as I do. Their appreciation comes from getting off and mine comes from actively experiencing another person and thinking abt how it makes me feel and what I want more or less of in my life based on what I feel during and after. It really is annoying that bc some people who haven’t done the work themselves think “you want sex but you’re denying it to yourself bc it’s not happening the way you want it to” which is not the case. I don’t want casual sex right now bc at this point in my life I value myself, my body, and my time above being used as another humans masturbatory aid. I feel like even as a teenager in a relationship that was mostly infatuation, because it was with a woman, I felt more attuned during sex to each other’s needs, physically mentally emotionally. Even though I didn’t have it all together back then and had no idea what after care was, at least I never felt like the physical sensation was the only thing in it for either party.

[@monimuppet6132]

I walk away from people now that frame my disinterest in casual sex as me denying myself. If that's the level their comprehension and complex thinking skills are at, then they're a waste of my time - just like casual sex was. I can never be convinced that treating sex as some rudimentary task we're all supposed to perform to be seen as "normal" and "healthy" is the way to go. The discontent these adults carry around is very telling.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

You ate down with this comment girl! Bc that’s exactly what’s happening. Women are just as sexual as men, but the MEN don’t know how to value women outside of romance and family. They depersonalize you when you try to have casual sex with them. Which makes it difficult to actually orgasm bc they don’t care about you enough to ensure that you do. It’s very sad. Valuing yourself means saving your space and time for someone who truly sees you and your personhood

[@happygucci5094]

This 💯

[@TheHumanPurpleTape]

Been celibate since 2018. As a heterosexual Black man, I can safely say it's been one of my best life choices. The scramble for physical affection can take up *so* much time in a person's life... I've never quite felt used in the ways you described but I have experienced a comparatively low-level version of only being valued for my sexual prowess. I do think it's a slippery slope to label people who engage in casual sex as not valuing their time, bodies etc. because everybody's different & what works for you might not work for them. Gotta give respect to get it.

[@anony1596]

13:43 I- 🥴 That is such a wild clip. How embarrassing. I know we joke about the black gender war online and the constant topic of "accountability" but Duval (sp?)and any man caping for that clip certainly sound like they have issues with accountability And the point where his wife said she felt like she wasn't adequately prepared for marriage was just another sign that she is way more emotionally intelligent (and accountable) than he is and I hope she finds peace soon chile. lawd

[@feliciagray5781]

In regards to that clip you shared, if he wasn’t done sleeping with other people he shouldn’t have married her. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

The thing is that she suggested that they part, but he didn't want her to be with anyone else while he went through his hoe phase. He said that he wanted to "put her in a glass box".

[@jisellegilliard1377]

Marriage isn't just to satisfy sex addiction and if that's the most important thing in the relationship don't let him find out about menopause 😩 And don't get me started on how a traumatic birth experience can change how we feel about sex 😢

[@afrosamourai400]

I get it, but what's the point of mariage if you can't have sex? I'm genuinely asking..

[@em4001]

@@afrosamourai400 seeing as you can have sex without being married one would hope you are getting married for things other than sex. Since you are legally bound to each other ppl get married for lots of reasons. Show of commitment, legal status and financial security, religious reasons, sex is a given. There are plenty of married couples who don’t have sex anymore or have trouble etc.

[@afrosamourai400]

@@em4001 if sex is a given then it should be a given inside marriage too...what's the point of getting married if the couple won't have sex? When there's no sex in a married couple one of the two(men usually) is frustrated..

[@tn420animations9]

@@afrosamourai400 love

[@afrosamourai400]

@@tn420animations9 love doesn't need marriage to exist right?

[@Jabbenn]

This video makes me wonder how the asexual and aromantic spectrum fit in sex-positivity with a black feminist lens in/outside heteronormativity. I love the exploration of the erotic in/out of sex-positivity. Thank you for this deeper dive. =)

[@jjamerican93]

“Refusing Compulsory Sexuality” by Sherronda J. Brown is a newly-released book that’s really informative on this topic. It’s not bashing sex, but really interrogates certain societal expectations and stereotypes of Black sexuality, and highlights how Black people who are asexual are deemed invisible or outright deviant.

[@keeka516]

@@jjamerican93 thank you for the recommendation. Just placed a hold for an ebook copy!

[@Jabbenn]

@@jjamerican93 Yay=) Thank you for sharing!

[@Missdewyskinbish]

As an asexual and my experience, we don’t fit in to the sex positivity movement

[@afrosamourai400]

Sex positivity don't even make sense for asexual...cuz it supposes sex is the thing to do...lol...

[@brandyburke5325]

Oh boy that red lip is beautiful! That is possibly the prettiest red lipstick I’ve seen and looks great on you. Been searching forever for a pretty bold red lip that compliments my skin. Again looks stunning!

[@beautifulpain2510]

Your thoughts are my favorite, I have yet to leave one of your videos without multiple nuanced ideas and you answer question I have not even asked. Thank you again for your time and effort, Jouelzy

[@BC-ry2lx]

I’m glad u called it a performance

[@charityspov]

Woah, that conversation with that couple was… concerning.

[@Kodak718]

That Davell guy is so cringe. "Why do women push monogamy on men?" How does a grown man say this and think it makes sense. I would be so embarrassed to be married to him.

[@afrosamourai400]

The question is not about monogamy but about men being denied sex in monogamy..lol, you missed the point, if a woman tell a man once we get married you will only have sex every bluemoon, will this man marry her? Honest question...

[@fangal12]

@@afrosamourai400 I think a better question that one partner should be asking the other, is what is the disconnect that causes you not to want to have sex with me more often. I have a girlfriend going through something similar where she wants to have sex several times a week but her husband is only giving it to her once or twice a month. They're doing couples therapy now and it turns our there was an underlying issue that was never mentioned by him or discussed that seems to be the root cause

[@Kodak718]

@@afrosamourai400 you missed the point of my comment. Reread for comprehension this time.

[@afrosamourai400]

@@fangal12 i get it, your point is really interesting because most of the times men are more demanding sexually, yeah the question should be asked...but my point is when one of the partners don't get enough sex in marriage there is a real problem cuz sexual intimacy and exclusivity is the basis of marriage.

[@TraceyAlo]

Mannnnnnnnn I loved this conversation about sex! You articulated your thoughts on the subject so well and honestly I feel like we could go on and on about the subject and we still would have questions! 🎉 This is the types of conversations I wish we were having when we were younger. A lot of women were told growing up…”Keep your legs closed.” “Save yourself till marriage.” “stop being ‘fast’.” All phrases to keep women in line with their sexuality but then expect you to immediately turn it on sexually at a snap of a finger when it’s go time. That’s not how it should work. Then men aren’t satisfied or feel like they had to settle into monogamy but that’s not what they wanted. This conversation could go on forever because there’s so much to unpack when it comes to sex and sooooooooooo many people aren’t talking about it enough with themselves as well as their current or future partners. Whewww! I hope you do a part 2 or make this into a series! 🙌🏾 I’m so here for it! ❤

[@brionnaedwards8967]

Loved the throwback to the talk with Kiese! I’m such a fan of you both!

[@TheHumanPurpleTape]

8:34 that part. The insidious nature of capitalism creeps into *everything* we experience. Because all of the answers for everything are behind a paywall, the most vulnerable members of any given population are served up on a platter to the Powers That Be. Also, that Devale/Khadeen clip was... stressful. Both of them seem like they wanted to extract value from the other person before taking into account what that other person actually wanted for themselves. Like, bro definitely seems like he's on one track with no genuine insight as to why or what that means for those around him, but Khadeen was also straight-up playing dumb in that clip. If you're dating someone & they ask you for something, do you wait until they present an ultimatum to give it to them? Idk... the amount of labor that people are willing to engage in seems tied to how the concept of "effortlessness" has captured our collective imagination. "It's nothin' to me", "This shit too easy", "I could do this in my sleep", "I don't even write my rhymes down", et cetera are all rallying cries toward disaffection as a preferable mode of existence. The 21st Century term "try-hard" literally exists to shame someone's labor.

[@healwithmare]

This conversation needed to happen. Thank you for creating this content, Jouelzy. Love the work that you do ❤

[@mercykelly5267]

I cannot stress this enough, I love your videos. Like the speed at which I click when I get a notification a new one is posted!

[@datgirl4509]

Your perspective on this subject is on point and the clips you used really help with the understanding of this subject. Keep up the great work!! 👍🏾

[@xSertifyedClozx]

15:53 - he did not present his ideal. pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew !!!!!!!!!! you did that with that whole point. you gained a new subscriber.

[@cameroncapers7807]

Great video! Thank you for constantly make me challenge my thoughts and all the great book recommendations. I’m looking forward to buying Black Feminist Thought.

[@Pookie8967]

I vote for a part 2 ❤

[@SlantedSpines]

I cheered when you mentioned asexual experiences

[@sentientsponge8570]

Great video as always Jouelzy

[@jbzen1]

Amen to all of this!! Devale has resented his wife from jump. Also most porn is violently rapey.

[@Jennyzcool8787]

Imagine rapping about how your box is out of this world/unlike no other but their tied into toxic relationships with community deck? They confuse money with value. Don’t fall into the trap ladies. 😅

[@christophernightshade]

I would love to see you and Intelexual Media have this conversation. Pleaseeeeee!!

[@prezhenz6969]

Bruh if a man talks to me like this in public and expects other people to back him up on OUR relationship, there will be no relationship anymore

[@JoyFay]

I didn’t expect this video to be this good.

[@aieshagreenlee947]

Amazing commentary. Chefs kiss it didn’t come off as bias and I’m left informed *I sound like a bot

[@Nerd_Jee]

Great video. I agree with your perspective.

[@makeupbymelisa11]

I’m digging the intro, Sis! 🥰

[@fliptheswitchyt]

Love this! I'll also admit when I watch porn I sometimes find it hard to watch Black porn because (1) some of the reasons you mentioned and (2) as I've become more aware of how the Black body is commodified/objectified it's hard to remove the idea of racist white folks watching Black porn because they don't see them as full humans or persons. On the other hand, Black people can have and give pleasure of course but due to history that specific sexual act is under a particular lens. Hope this makes sense.

[@EspritsFantomes]

Black porn has a different vibes also compared to white porn. I'm black but it always bothered me to watch it. It does give commodity and objectification. Women tend to always have a certain body type and the way it's done/filmed It doesn't portray them as human beings like white women in some white porn.

[@jbell7105]

This video was everything!!!!!

[@LolaLolaLolLoa]

This was incredible ❤

[@Indiegirl007]

I feel like we are all just so confused. A lot of us feel like we have to perform 'Sex Positivity' when not fully wanting to engage in what feminism states is 'Sexual Liberation.'

[@theocnetwork1521]

Your hair looks amazing ❤

[@seeyoucu]

Great video as usual

[@regisnyder]

Your last couple of questions about knowing thyself not just how a person can please someone and their self BUT do we actually know ourselves internally (i.e. self soothing)?! We can say all day that we know what we want but is it truly pleasurable in how we express ourselves sexually or even asexually? Whereas we can verbalize what pleases us. It’s learning our internal pleasures 1st and learning what external act is pleasurable 2nd.

[@prissylily25]

I love this! Happy to Subscribe to this new channel.

[@johncrowbatty2000]

That Kadeen and D’uval clip chileeee😅😅😅

[@DaniTheAlchemist33]

A fool right?

[@johncrowbatty2000]

@@DaniTheAlchemist33 thé divorce is about to be MESSSSSYYYYYYYY

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@johncrowbatty2000 That was some time ago. They seem quite happy now.

[@Nunofyabizzzzz]

Around 10:25 you start to discuss how these performers of sex positivity don’t really do anything extraordinary to demand to be paid for their teachings of sex. but it’s not really about doing anything out of the norm or extra. It’s about the craftsmanship, it’s about the technique and the finesse of it. Some really really amazing clothes are worth the price that they are, being that they are expensive, because of the quality of it, because of how well-made it is. I think the same goes in line with sex.

[@em4001]

That’s what she is saying… none of that is out of anyone’s capabilities. No one is doing anything extraordinary aka no one is doing anything the rest of y’all can’t do. She said there is nothing anyone is doing that superior in a way that would make them be valued more than you.

[@monimuppet6132]

No article of clothing is so well made and so out of the capability of the average person to learn to make themselves that it's worth a mortgage payment. There is no intrinsic worth to what these people are charging to teach, there is only what others are willing to pay based on what they believe. So if I believe I can't possibly learn myself, I may think their teachings are worth the money. But if I take just 5 minutes to consider how that person came to learn their skills, I'll probably realize that they don't have any special powers and probably just employed the tried and true methods of study and practice. Study and practice is free.

[@MyAfropuff]

Excellent video.

[@1dbhsa]

I think monogamy showcases sacrifice, extreme appreciation/love, consideration, and safety. Sex with just one person can disrupt the body’s internal system and chemistry. So monogamy is very much so important and better. But with society’s obsession with selfishness and greed, we risk our own health for intangible rewards from others.

[@clintonmcclure979]

5:17 "the veneer of black feminists' talk about sexual liberation and being able to have the prowess and 'goddess in the bedroom'..." Are we sure that this talk originates from black feminists? It seems more likely that the sex-positive talk would be more compatible with people who are more conservative and believe in traditional gender norms since the "prowess" in the bedroom is often couched in terms of practicing femininity, which often means women not working too much and being soft and letting the man take the lead, etc. This sex-positive talk also has taken on a metaphysical language derived from Eastern philosophies that rely on gender binaries to explain human nature and personality.

[@quanyenwashere]

@14:24 sis was definitely avoiding the question 😂

[@copiouscat]

She wasn’t readyyy 🤣

[@erikapapi]

The red lip, sistren. The red lip is giving.

[@carmenitac]

all of this is stemming from a hyper sexual society. Too much porn, too much public talk about sex. We all do the same things we should just keep it to ourselves lol

[@nonnieJ94]

Right there’s so much more out there just living a life that sex would and should actually be a small part used for true intimacy and procreation. Hyper sexuality is one of the fastest ways you can get a whole society to implode on itself

[@afrosamourai400]

Hypersexualization is a whole mess...it's only create monsters obsessed with sex with no hearts and pressure people to search for sex only...

[@mw7845]

I think it’s the type of porn and conversations. I’d it were more conversations like this video and diverse and inclusive porn produced by women too, it wouldn’t be bad!

[@carmenitac]

@@mw7845 no ma’am it’s all bad idc who produces it. I despise it.

[@9roselove9]

No such thing as black feminism. bell hooks actively did not use the word feminism.

[@janedoe5510]

This look? Hair, Makeup, Red lip, Jewelry 💯/💯

[@anony1596]

11:53!! I was just explaining this to my bf last night 😂.

[@Shalondria]

This was good.

[@dimensionsofagemini]

Your topics be soooo relevant

[@Nico-c3c]

Lol, "The direct conflict approach does not help you" DUH !!!!! So Sad it took this long the get to the DUH...

[@getboogie1950]

I am a 1 woman woman...i don't believe relationships are forever.

[@notyet3dna]

Great vid

[@lolitafalana]

No one ever talks about how both sexes were biologically designed to have multiple partners. Women can last much longer and have multiple orgasms, whereas men last for a much shorter time and more often than not cannot ejack-o-lantern more than once in a session. Through multiple partners (thus multiple orgasms hopefully) a woman's likelihood of conceiving increases. I think a lot of the aspects of sax positivity are still spun to be framed around male pleasure: physical, emotional and visual. The reality is the things we consider revolutionary are simply just natural. With that said I'm not sure if we're built for monogamy. If we are I think it'd look a lot different from how we define and practice it now.

[@jericothompson8636]

Goodluck with that. Not many mammals in nature share women. Males are always more territorial.

[@afrosamourai400]

If we weren't made for monogamy there won't be that many std

[@jericothompson8636]

@@afrosamourai400 lol somebody needs to do more research and less free thinking. STDs were created in a lab, just like most illnesses. If you look up all the stds, each one of them have a patent. How do you patent something that naturally exists??? Y’all trust white people too much 😂😂😂 most of the shit wrong with us white people created. From our health issues, to stds, EVERYTHING has been calculated to a t. Stds mess with your reproductive system, and we all know how Caucasians have been trying to dwindle our numbers since the beginning.

[@Hakeem94]

In all honestly, until people (both women and men) can resolve their emotional problems around relationships, these relationship convos are futile as fuck because nobody will be making arguing in good faith.

[@JayyPinkksVanity]

Yeah he didn’t speak up, cause he could have said no.

[@theequeenbeast2746]

Oh, that sucks, I ‘ve seen quite a few where the woman is pleased in the porn after I started searching for black-based videos in the last few years on porn sites. I agree, definitely a shortcoming on...Devels part and some men don't know how to articulate so you sometimes have to do more work on the communication side of things. Which is fine if you can handle it and the man isn't giving too much resistance. Agreed, not talking about it with people in your personal life doesn't help society as a whole where the asexual type of people are barely considered in the general conversation. Yes knowing yourself helps in knowing what you enjoy, that's why I had a season where that was my focus, getting more comfortable in my sexuality.

[@TirsaTalks]

sheeeesh! this is a ma zing!!!

[@shawnlewis5133]

I think that I agree with the sentiment,but with what you actually are implying I think that some of it is false. I think sexual liberation is performative that's where we probably agree to some degree. But where we disagree is the why. People don't really taken information nowadays unless it comes off a little chauvinistic, so within that being said I think that's why it comes off sometimes performative. I think also we're not even bringing up kinks or fetishes that people are still scared of to admit that they have. With partners with themselves at all. Saw the performative nature is sometimes necessary to get people talking in or discussing sex and sexuality. I do believe that it needs to be less monetized but then like we both think if you doing all this work you need to get paid for it. But it's way more deeper than what's your implying. I know plenty of sex workers that can tell you is not just the sex that they wind up getting left with, within some of the married people that they see. A lot of times when they get left with is the true untold truths that they're scared to tell their actual partner who they actually truly love. Because let's not forget love does not mean monogamy / commitment to a lot of people. It means protection.! (Especially with heterosexual men) so how do we fix this? By letting them tell the complete truth. No matter how it offends their partner. Then a lot of this could be avoided.

[@Unkuuu]

TIL monogamy is mainly about sex not the relationship built around it. Mmmm

[@QueenKurantsima]

Girl what wig is that

[@nerdfantasyxox]

The problem with sex as currency in the rap world is that the women turn their sexuality into competition. It’s literally capitalist corporate marketing between brands… the brands being the performers and “whose the best” culture constantly permeating female rap. In reality, real sex workers understand the individualism behind sex marketing and that what they do is is unique to each performer and the clients are paying for them specifically and not because “they’re better than others” but that their the best for what ever fanbase they’ve cultivated.