The Problem With Asian Parents (First Generation Asian Immigrant Parenting)

[@JerryLiuYT]

Thank you all for watching this. I had no idea this video had such an impact on people. Some updates in 2020: I have not talked to my parents for months. I almost got into a fistfight with my father in 2019. He threw such a big tantrum in public and threatened me. It was the last time he was going to do that. I told him if there's sand on the beach where we were heading, then we should just have a fight like men. He was saved by a rocky beach. I wasn't going to have a little mutual combat with him if there was risk of him getting hurt. He's lucky. I was ready to double leg takedown him and just wail on his face with a few of my elbows. Give him a few swings back like all the times he swung at my mom and hurt her. And there was so much anger in me that I went to a local MMA gym later and got hurt. My dad stopped trying to get in my life after that. My mom still tried all the time to gaslight me, so I had to cut her out of my life too eventually. Unfortunately, this is where my life is now. To all parents reading this, make sure you continue taking classes and continue maturing as people before, during, and after you have kids. It's no joke. Your ineffective parenting will absolutely be detrimental to society. When you choose to be parent, you are directly making society better or worse by your actions. Remember that. To all children reading this, get away from the toxicity as quick as you can. Don't take it out on yourself and other people. Just not worth it. You just have to cut it off.

[@christineyoung8345]

I am also a first-generation Chinese American. I went through the same shit. When i told my mom that i want to go into philosophy, she said, "You have no idea how disappointed we are." Because i wasn't going into medicine or law. They raised us for one reason: to make them look better than their friends. They are not interested in our dreams, our emotional health, or our happiness if that gets in their way.

[@akporesiriomene3396]

Christine Young i agree with your statement. But philosophy is pretty worthless, so i can't blame your parents for that.

[@protoluigi2047]

@@akporesiriomene3396 Worst part is that it's true!! I would stay in college if you are in STEM, anything outside of that, just GTFO!!

[@oterenceo]

Welcome to the club. You have to take into consideration how your parents would face relatives if they ask about what you are studying. It is about face. But that's only part of the reason. Asian parents worry about rice bowl first because they struggled through the hardships and they don't want you to go through the same strife that they went through. Through their lens Doctors and Lawyers are the paths to a better life. They are concern.

[@Underground.Rabbit]

@@andrewzhou4228 I majored in psychology anyways and when i had emotional breakdowns later in life due to normal stressful life events my mom told me: "I should've never let you major in psychology" as if psychology turned me into this person with "emotional issues with no real reason".

[@Underground.Rabbit]

@Sweet Pea Psychopathy is little too much because they have completely normal empathy towards anyone outside their children. I think its narcissistic personality disorder epidemic inside asian culture maybe happened around 18-19th century. Treating children like trophies for their own image of success and to their peer group too.

[@universologist1941]

True. But I never listened to anyone. Asian parenting isn’t a problem if you are stubborn as hell. They’ll just think you are a lost cause and give up on you eventually. My advice is figure out who you are and don’t be afraid to disappoint your parents for a while. It is your own life anyways.

[@sangonomiyakokomi5764]

This is why I've decided to lower my parents expectations, it may or may not make them see me as just a normal human being with feelings and emotions of my own. But it will at least give them an idea that I'd rather not be some sort of trophy to them

[@universologist1941]

@@sangonomiyakokomi5764 I still get into conflict with my parents for the same issue. It’s just so hard for them to let go and not view their kids as their own property. I still can’t get it through my dad’s mind that he doesn’t need me to follow him every where to live a happy life. That family bond is rooted in their mind but sometimes it gets crippling. When they saw their friends live in a certain way while growing up, that’s reality to them. We have to spend years changing that mindset of theirs. It takes time. I’ve done pretty well with my mom. My dad just refuses to listen.

[@corpsefoot758]

I think they only give up on you if you’re lucky lol If you’re not so lucky, they just kick you out of the house

[@carlagow]

1/2 asian here. My mom is Indonesian. I've learnt narcissism is rife in Asian parenting style. I could be top of my entire class and come home with 98% and my mom would say - "what happened to the other 2%?" The issue is their parents did it to them, and so they continue the cycle. They don't see us as a completely seperate individual but instead a reflection of themselves, so the fears and anxieties they have about themselves get thrown to you (their child, the extension of themself). With my mom, she always called me fat and stupid, even when I was neither because that's what she is. It's sad. Only way to move forward is break the cycle.

[@nangie2724]

I'm indonesia people and i was half chinese and my mom and my family always say this "hey if you find a bf or you have a bf you should pick the half chinese too" all the time when i was like 10 i didn't really listen to that but then now I'm teenager and you know that indonesia students are not all of then half chinese and you can fall in love with people with easily i kinda scared if in the future once i was in a college i met a guy that i like and we became a couple but he is not chinese and at the end we have to break up because only that stupid reason.

[@ddp47297]

Asian parents dont care about your happiness they want to use your achievements to feel good

[@sherwinlui5758]

I have first gen Asian parents. Money, Survival, and Reputation. They only know three motivation. They are only surviving world. They don't know how to live in the world. They don't have a democratic type communication. It either their way or no way. They have no idea how to have convincing argument. They never care about social skills. They never know what love is. It puzzle them. They are also very uneducated. They are anti fact, anti listening and anti-learning. (They want you to learn but refuse to learn) They had 40 years to learn English. Complex ideas confused them. If you remove the language barrier, they aren't that smart. (They always use it so they don't have to listen) Their logic is usually base on how they feel over facts.

[@tian1332]

Sherwin Lui word

[@Shadow1986]

well said. It's OK. Be the best you can and let their voices disappear into the background and do the best you can for them, and for yourself.

[@kasimmalik9806]

They gettin’ that grass on the daily 😂

[@seanc8901]

Wow this is really acccurate. Well said, everything is spot on!

[@Krasov92]

Sounds much like narcissism

[@johannanguyen9101]

Narcissim is very promoted en encouraged in asian culture, they see their kids not as people, not as human beings or individuals but assets and extensions of themselves. They only cre about superficial traits, money, academics, status and outside admiration. As a Mexican woman married to a vietnamese-american man, it was just so painful to see how the man i loved was so abused and belittle and manipulated by the people who has supposed to nurture and love him. My husband had to cut contact from them and he has been growing so much thanks to that, he became confident, healthy and most importantly happy.

[@mr.mtariq8180]

No wonder that the suicide rate is more in Asian countries, and Korea and Japan are the most suicidal countries This is due to the psychological and physical pressures imposed by Asian parents, the comparisons between you and other people, the harsh criticism that the parents criticize, and your hearing negative words and their nagging against you all the time, even if you became the doctor they always dreamed of, they will not feel satisfied and they will compare you with your successful cousin Even though you are successful, you are like him, and they will call you a failure, and despite all this, nothing satisfies them no matter what you do.

[@Mega_Arrow]

Yup, every time this comes up I just think about that clip from Family guy XD "You doctor, yet?" "No, dad I'm 12..." "Talk to me when you doctor!"

[@JerryLiuYT]

+Bill Nguyen hahahah :)

[@jakd2962]

One of my favourite scenes in family guy.

[@Lycosa]

Love family guy

[@mikechan2044]

My friend. My heart aches and you speak to my soul. Finally someone understands me

[@litdamenace]

Even tho you vented about this in 2016. Its still very relatable, today. I appreciate your perspective in 2022.

[@litdamenace]

PS. Are you going to do a update on your current perspective with dealing?

[@moistandsquishy9925]

I heard it most of my life growing up... mostly by my father.. telling me, "My friend's son got into honor-role, look how amazing his is - why don't you do the same?", "look at your cousin, he got into so-and-so college", "l read a newspaper article, this guy in his 40s giving all his money to his momma", "My friend's daughter works 3 jobs, what are you doing?", "This article I read said this guy read the entire dictionary - look at how great he is", "Your cousins are married, and you should get married too. You should get married and have kids so they can help you." And I still hear it even in my mid 30s...

[@JerryLiuYT]

+Shi-Jie Michael Zhao yep :)

[@jebbush8491]

I got this on a nearly daily basis. Of course they will take huge offense if you dish it back on them. "Why does my cousin have much more money, a father and their parents give him opportunities to do things (prove he can be responsible and grow his abilities) but I am not allowed to do the same?" I would then be told every time to not compare himself to him unless I was told why I wasn't doing this, that or another as good as he was.

[@Bj-yf3im]

OMG, I fucking hate that! X(

[@johannanguyen9101]

If i was you i will set boundaries and cut communication with your father untill he respects those boundaries.

[@wrongthinker4475]

I'm white (German) and I hear that all the time lol

[@GentleJohn]

I'm white, but my parents are the exact same way. The only thing that they think is important about a career is the salary, and they don't understand that a college degree means jack shit today, and that a Masters Degree is next to worthless in most fields. It makes me not even want to talk to them sometimes because it puts me in such a bad mood afterward.

[@LittleGameDev]

My family is the same they say I'm unmotivated I went to college twice and all I got was debt. So now I have to pay all that stuff off and no one will hire because instead of going out and getting work experience I was forced by my family to go to college. So I have little job experience because I was told by my family to only focus on school that I could get a job later once I got that paper or get a good grade in school.

[@clem5194]

Orangelo lol didn’t expect you’d be here. Love your vids

[@rmpa5727]

Orangelo Maybe Asian can be explained what asian is, is it Indonesian, Filipino, Burmese, Bangladesh, Malaysian? This is chinese style, Indians study hard too but it's not the same as Asian- Chinese.

[@Wangste002]

You should make a video on why most Master's degrees are useless

[@charles5895]

Except Asian parents physically hit you

[@美蛙蛙A童]

im 21 i feel im brain washed by Asian Parenting... feel like im gonna be a part of this....

[@BigEvan96]

Comparing yourself to those who are more fianncially well off than you leads to depression. Comparing yourself to people who aren't as fortunate as you can lead to a superiority complex. I think the best thing we can do is play the hand we were dealt. The pessimissm/defeatism is degenerate and will not lead to you mastering yourself.

[@JerryLiuYT]

+BigEvan96 yep. Just be happy with the hand you’re dealt and live your best life.

[@thebookishkhmerican4303]

This is spot on! Thank you for making this video and shedding light on the toxicities of asian parenting. This is helping me a lot right now.

[@Shiro642]

The problem is its NEVER enough. Try to become a nurse, they’ll push to be a doctor; try to become a tradesmen, they’ll push you to go into STEM. After you do well academically, they come after your social life. Its like you are NOT allowed to be happy or have time to relax.

[@luketien928]

Good for you, man, for getting over this. I am nearly 40 and am still having problems confidently and calmly saying “no” to my parents, and I feel like this is because I was beaten by them while growing up all the way through high school; and on some occasions, even nowadays, I feel like my father still wants to beat me, especially if I continue to express myself during disagreements. I’m lucky that my wife is sort of helping me with this, though; although in her own way she can also be rather oppressive, but at least she and I are sort of “on the same footing” so to speak, so at least I could “fight back” without the guilt trip of generational differences.

[@cherylpineda7535]

I wish i had seen this video a long time ago. This video is so on point. I am 32 years old and still trying to cope with unlearning these upward social comparisons. Its not easy being a first generation Asian American. It really takes a toll on your personal and professional life. Not feeling good enough or not feeling like you are allowed to speak out are all learned behaviors. Asian parents think they are helping us but most of the time it is breaking us down. Thanks for sharing this!

[@godstomper]

Alot of parents live vicariously through their children's talents, aspirations and accolades.

[@Aerex12]

African parents are the same way. I think most first generation international parents are the same way m

[@leonismyrtil1592]

true my parents are liked that but the parenting is so toxic that it creates mental illnesses and fuck up the kids minds my sister my brother and me have all tried killing ourselves because of our parents pressures and toxicity.

[@marcusn.3762]

@@leonismyrtil1592 Oh my god I’m very sorry to hear that.

[@lollwhyy4370]

This apply to all race.

[@DiemNguyen-ln7lh]

Its not like that. Even if u are not an immigrant, asian parents in asia still brag and mock their kids abt anything

[@ffei1985]

This is the first time I ever commented on KZbin. I agree with every single word that you said.

[@JerryLiuYT]

+ffei1985 thanks for your support!

[@jrossofskb]

This stuff is really deep! Thanks for sharing! FYI, it's not only Asian parents who do those things to their kids.

[@synthwaverider]

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down", a japanese proverb.

[@darrylbailey8397]

Jerry, I am truly glad to see this as I’ve had a few Asian friends tell me the very things you talked about at least thirty years ago, on the surface I understood, but now that I’m approaching my mid-sixties, now I get what they were talking about at least a deeper understanding, you are becoming a part of a small group of young thinkers that are able to take complex social issues and break them down into very simple terms, at least to the point where I understand, it is young men like you that give me hope for the future, I am very proud of you, keep up the good work, and by all means, stay true to your dreams “D”

[@JerryLiuYT]

+Darryl Bailey thanks for your support!

[@erenp.4148]

Jerry Liu I’m a 15 year old asian kid and because of circumstances I was not raised by my parents. I was brought up by my sister, who is very insecure about herself, emotionally manipulative, and was very bipolar. Growing up with her was not an easy task. She would constantly criticize me and whenever I excel at something, she would always tell me that someone out there is always better than me. And when I was younger, she would give a hell of a beating just because I made a minor error. Because of this, I think I might just have developed an inferiority complex, poor social skills and lack of confidence in myself. I have been making making improvements mentally and physically to try to remedy my problems. But, sometimes it’s just still not enough to rid myself from the cage that my sister has put me in. I would really appreciate it if you could leave me some advice to help me rid myself of this hell hole of a situation that I’m in.

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

The scariest thing about becoming a parent is when you find yourself thinking and then implementing the same unconstructive criticisms. For me, I was so disgusted with myself for being so much of the same monster that my parents were. It is a constant battle for me to not put my kids down like my mom did, or to ignore my kids like my dad did. My parents also have an awful, dysfunctional marriage, which was obviously not a good example to follow. Today, what has helped is prayer, weight lifting, understanding from my husband and friends, blogs, and patience with myself and for my children. I have to repent daily, because relearning a new way of child-rearing also bleeds into other aspects in life.

[@sidney6522]

"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it" - Oogway

[@kevinhornbuckle]

This is very sad, but I'm glad you have described this. Your description clearly indicates that the attainment mindset destroys families and individuals. Your dad could have said, "I love you and I am proud of you. You've thought through your decision to not go to grad school and you've made a decision that is right for you." My belief is that people internalize the dictates of capital accumulation and doing so distorts and in many cases, destroys their humanity.

[@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC]

Follow your dreams and ambitions bro, i know what you are talking about but they will get it in the end, You are pioneering this type of media.

[@happymemories_videography]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. you funny. asian and south-asian parents will NEVER change!

[@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC]

@@happymemories_videography 😉Be the change or see the change.

[@happymemories_videography]

@@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC you think I haven't tried with my parents. I've been trying since I was in high school. I just kinda gave up on them and I just don't tell them what I am trying to do. I just follow their rules till I get my own place.

[@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC]

@@happymemories_videography Blaze the trail bro, make them see ❤⚡❤ they'll be wanting the best for you

[@happymemories_videography]

@@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC they want the best, but they don't change. They are just like most other Asian and South-Asian parents. Go to an ivy league, get a high paying job so that they can brag to their friends.

[@RT-or6it]

A lot of these Asian parents are just stuck at the bottom level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's like no matter how well-off they are, they can't get past their own insecurities for basic needs.

[@Yawnpawn1]

Hey Jerry, another great video. Sharp analysis, loving mindset - well done. When you talk, one can hear the immense frustration and the effort you put into overcoming your past. I'm from Germany/Bavaria, and most regions here are really rich today but were extremely poor 120 years ago. So for a farmer there, the question whether his children work hard or not was a question about live or starve. Many Germans in rural areas were raised applying a form of mind control that tells you that you have to pay with excellence for your right to live. I've heard of many cases of suicide of men who just could not bear their life anymore. Oftentimes they finished a project (like refurbishing an old house they inherited) with all energy they had left, and then they hanged themselves in the roof framework. Many men and women lived a life completely dedicated to what they were taught what their duty is. I think there are parallels to what you say about Chinese. Is the emphasised competition part only a thing of emigrants? Because that's not so prevalent in Germans here. You don't necessarily want to get to the top, but you sure as hell do want to stay away from the bottom. German culture has changed very much the last 60 years, because of wealth and immigration, and also because of powerful movements like the one of '68.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Very interesting Bavarian perspective!

[@chrysanthemum3464]

I will say this type of parenting style is the same in the Black community. My parents were the same way too and because of that I struggled with my self-esteem growing up. I have healed myself at this point, but I’ve gone through a lot of unnecessary bs because I was in situations where I needed to rely on my own wits, but wasn’t able to. I remember when I came home after being hospitalized for an emergency appendectomy when in the 5th grade, I received my report card. It had two C’s on it and my mom was furious. She told me ‘why can’t you be smart like your friend Faith!?’ That broke me and it took me decades to heal myself, build up my self esteem and learn trust myself.

[@taurahelms3068]

Your analysis is great. For years I loved Asian parenting since from the outside looking in the children are successful. But I am an outsider. A lot of Asian children will be successful but are they really doing what they want for their lives?

[@macrick]

no

[@derjasager86]

Not only that. Can you imagine someone who tried hard but failed due to high competitiveness.

[@hexgears6560]

they will follow those orders because they've also bought them. They want to be successful to.

[@rmpa5727]

It also depends what part of asia your talking about, I think this almost exclusively oriental and sub contental to a lesser degree. Most asians aren't chinese, Japanese or Korean. But it seems that they keep saying as in pan, this is mostly Oriental issues, I typed mostly from my point of view and personal experience.

[@Wangste002]

They do high-demand degrees that they're not good at way too much just out of parental and peer pressure like cs and engineering. In the end, a lot of them can't find jobs in these fields because they don't have a way to add value through their knowledge and they don't have enough passion to actually excel in those fields so that they can add value.

[@Tiejocky]

The most toxic aspect of Asian parenting is when the concept of “face” or in Chinese mian zhi comes to play. That is when the most core importance of kid is to help booster the parents ego. It leads to unfair comparisons, lack of empathy.

[@shadow88000]

Here's some advise from a fellow first gen asian american. Feel free to take with a grain of salt :P (1) Only compare you to yourself. Trying to match your success to others is dumb unless it motivates you in some way to do better. (2) Education is important, but it's only a means to an end. You need to consider if the benefit of having that degree will outweigh the cost of obtaining it. In some fields, such as engineering, it's helpful to have a PhD. If you're in the business field, you should definitely aim for an MBA even if you dread going to grad school. But if your career path does not require a higher education to advance, then don't waste your time and money on it. What you'll end up with is a really expensive paperweight diploma and a dead career path. (3) Actions speak louder than words. If you say your career plan is going in the right direction, then you need to show your parents results, otherwise they'll continue to hound you.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Great advice!

[@SaviourSword995]

You sir deserve a cookie.

[@holeefuk8505]

Extremely relatable video man...you described most of my "Family" to a tee.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Glad I described it well :) The more we call the negatives out, the more the next generation can learn and hopefully parent better.

[@RiceaxeGaming]

"Upward comparison" really is a thing. Thanks for enlightening me a huge deal further, Jerry :) (german/chinese) here

[@tonyswe9463]

My Asian parents were GREAT! They were very supportive of me. They Help me pay my college tuition. My parents always look out for me and encourage me. Peace and love for my Asian parents

[@andrewtimmy6767]

Good for you! Most of us weren’t as lucky

[@rainypuffs3502]

​@@andrewtimmy6767Same with me. I'm not lucky too.

[@TheUndecidedFrog]

Jerry, you jogged many painful memories from my childhood. Things got better for me when I learned to be skeptical about many of my parents' views once I saw their view of world did not align with reality.

[@cheryl01234]

I stopped talking to my parents for a while then my mom learned to be kind of softer after she saw her methods backfiring; however she has triggers where she will become very, very Asian if they are triggered. I still have to learn that she is still just another human being and not gonna solve everything and if I'm emotionally vulnerable she most likely gets triggered and it's not very helpful to cry to her; she basically just tells me if I had just followed her rules like a mindless zombie my life would have been spectacular, then I have seething rage that I take out on what consistently has been a male in my life. You are doing a service to all of us by breaking this down to put this on conscious forefront.

[@theia1653]

I have ignored my parents for over ten years (combined) and they still haven't changed, my mom still lectures me and tries to control me even when she gets no response.

[@slals]

I discovered your channel because my chinese girlfriend (born and raised in China) broke up with me after 3 years being together; and I decided to go on my own way. I can relate on everything you said. Her father was kinda chill but her mother was the typical tiger mother, she was sometimes supportive though. My girlfriend was pessimist about almost everything including our relationship, but since I'm the kind of guy who is confident about the future I always managed to reassure her. She broke up with me because we were in a distant relationship for some time, she was finishing her studies in the USA, she graduated from college and was looking for a job in the USA. She was stressed out, having no confidence in herself, thus no confidence in our relationship. The worst part about this story is that I asked her what is her "project" in life? What is she aiming for? She told me that she doesn't know, then I left going for no contact for life since I'm going my own way. My hypothesis is that she struggles with herself, she was raised by a mother telling her what to do and how to do it : she doesn't live for her but for pleasing her mother. I know what is her project : pleasing mommy. I kinda dislike asian parenting (I know koreans live the same thing, maybe indians to, it doesn't concern all countries from Asia though), it brings no goods. Having well educated people with no motivation/passion for their activity is not that different than having a bunch a robot doing the job. Those people need to read Kropotkine, looking for being competitive is for insecure people.

[@slals]

By the way, I'm really impressed by the way you think, because I'm very aware of the impact of this kind of parenting, you're a wise man and I know for sure you are succeeding in life.

[@mrphyl3041]

A lot of it sounds exactly like African parenting, I'm African and what you have described are exactly like my parents. 🤣🤣🤣

[@adibchyy]

I can actually hear the pain in your voice. I really hope your relationship with your parents has imrpoved.

[@notyourechochamber3137]

I know man. I try to understand and assimilate into Asian culture the best that I can, but you're completely right, Child rearing in Asia is so strict that the average adult doesn't have much self esteem, or even realize that academia isn't everything. Japanese people stress me out.

[@isakbendrik488]

The world is not a piece of paper. Very well spoken, and a great video! Cheers

[@jackiekittie6135]

You then create adult children who have basically stunted growth. They may be doctors and engineers but they are unable to find a partner.

[@amywong3146]

I feel like I need to move out of my mom's house at this point. My father was not the typical "asian parent" since he immigrated in his teens, he was more prepared on how to raise a child in Canada. He was really loving, and always talked to me openly about life and how I felt. Sadly, he died last year due to cancer. I'm 25 and without my dad, my mom's voice is amplified in the house no matter how much I avoid talking to her. She is the complete opposite of my dad. She is that strict, non-empathetic, traditional "asian parent". If she isn't telling me how disappointed she is in me for my career choices and progress in life, she's complaining about it over the phone with her choice of asian relatives, and aunties from the neighborhood. I can't avoid it. I could hide in my room, or listen to music, but it just surrounds me.

[@jesssc402]

Welp, it cannot be helped. Knowing that you’re not alone feels good. Haha! Some parents can almost be severely anxious about their children’s future and some are too concerned about their reputation. One is fucked up but most of the time, they discipline us the way they do for both reasons. Lol. The faster we swallow that hard pill and move forward, the better. When my grades weren’t that good in high school, he was implying that I should have been smarter. I blurted out “Well, I came from y’all.” 🤣 I swear I was such a headache. I confronted my father regarding his pointless anxiety about my future. I think that Japanese and Chinese culture share this tale so at a roundabout, I mentioned the legend of the Koi Fish who swam up the waterfall and transformed into a dragon and added this Western ideal of individuality “Only dead fish go with the flow.” I told him, look, if I follow you and fuck my future up, I’ll blame YOU for the rest of my life. If I fuck up doing what I want, you can eventually say “See, I told you”, and you can feel better about yourself. I guess it kinda hit him that he was getting older and didn’t want to deal with guilt. Sometimes we have to tap on people’s natural selfishness. Haha my mom was on my side so it was an easier ordeal. I turned out OK so... 😏😎

[@carlosquall15]

I have the desire to gather all of the parents I know into a room then play this video on the big screen in full volume then watch them squirm hahaha! Very relatable, Filipino here.

[@KevinHuangPhasorQuantaG]

I spent two extra years in college because I changed my degree from pre-pharm to engineering. By the time I would have originally graduated, my mom once said how she was so embarrassed to tell other friends and family that I haven’t graduated on time and even weeks up to my actual graduation she was still busting my balls about not being a doctor or pharmacist. Now that I have a comfy job and my own house I sometimes feel the urge to reflect some of the bitterness I still harbor as a result of their upbringing back to them. To my mom’s credit, she has expressed to me that she would have raised my older brother differently if she could go back in time.

[@soomysoom1419]

Hey jerry. When I first began watching your videos, I thought to myself “what’s with this funny looking dude, hes kinda kooky”. But after watching more and more and learning about you, your passions, your views, my perception of you has changed. Your soul is beautiful, you’re hilarious, and I share very similar experiences with being from an immigrant family just like yours. You’ve touched my heart with this video, and it aches for you. God bless you jerry, you beautiful egg man.

[@soomysoom1419]

I come from a family of middle eastern Chaldeans and we share many parallels to Asian parenting, but we are a little different. There’s less of a pressure to succeed in school, and that emphasis is instead placed on how rich you become, if you marry a rich Chaldean man with a connected family, how big and expensive your house is, how much you make a year, etc. They’re so damn materialistic, and these are people who claim to be devout Catholics!! The same Catholics that hate every other race and are so focused on money and how they’ll look compared to relatives and other Chaldean families. Late 2018, my mother sat me down and told me love isn’t real or valuable. When two people get married, their love will always perish, so you should never marry out of love. Instead, marry out of money and stability, because those things will keep you happy and taken care of. You are genuine, jerry. You are the exact kind of person that this soulless world needs.

[@potat432]

Thanks for this video! My parents are literally pushing me into the medical field which I’m not interested in, and I’ve got serious depression in my last year of high school (diagnosed psychiatrically) right now and my parents are not helping at all they’re telling me I’m ungrateful and if I get into medicine I’ll be instantly happier because bragging rights Blah blah

[@kimberlys8422]

I remember Asian classmates in middle and high school sobbing when they earned one "B" because they were scared to death of their parents' reactions. Just the over-achieving thing scares me;; it's childhood-stealing. *Edit: I don't see how learning piano and violin is benefical to society.

[@deltahomicide9300]

My mother is beyond a tiger mom. She has severe narcissistic personality disorder. She has failed as a parent. If you think that's being harsh I could make you cry listening to the results of her actions

[@CelineandMerlin]

I definitely feel this. I would probably make a video about this topic as well, this really hits close to home with a lot of Asians.

[@kakashi1992e]

Hey, as an asian-american, I totally agree with this shit. Tho I experienced this personally, this vid really helped me understand it a lil better.

[@protoluigi2047]

My parents are the same thing, mostly my mom. She loves comparing me to others, & it just annoys the living crap out of me. I lost a bit of confidence as a result. Maybe that’s why I don’t take college seriously, it’s worthless, sure I had some fun moments but still. Asian parents say that I need to get a better education, but I seen people on eBay make more money than Grad students.

[@mzk9153]

There are many roads to success, unfortunately also growing up in an asian household there is heavy emphasis on education regardless of real tangible value for the effort you put in. We all can't be engineers and doctors but the though process is that if you are not one or the other then you're trapped in poverty as seen in their previous generations.

[@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC]

A lot of emphasis on Asian families, last time i checked it was a massive continent with many Islands and hundreds of different cultures, some are even at War because of their differences.

[@mzk9153]

Stargazers Nation™ I'm pakistani seen similarities in Indian, Bengali's, Chinese ( duh Jerry ) and other nations as well. Those are specifically the types of Asians i am referring to. I don't have enough experience with the others to make any deductions.

[@TheLostHistoryChannelTKTC]

M ZK What about North Korea and South Korea? i suspect by majority influence it seems that the Asian families push their children more, It is a mad World. Right guys!

[@mzk9153]

Stargazers Nation™ To be honest i have yet to meet anyone from those nations to comment.

[@jebbush8491]

I like the push for education from parents but the problem is that they see sociability and creativity as bad. Success in America is not necessarily about what skills you have but who you know, being creative (i.e. creating new songs instead of playing Beethoven perfectly) and getting people of high skills to work with you.

[@mungbean6693]

I think as an Asian girl you get it pretty bad too coz by the time you hit your teens you'll be compared to girls from other cultures, and girls can be extra catty during the youthful years, so you get it from all directions. And then when you hit your 20s you're also expected to have children so it's another massive item on your to-do list. Also once you do manage to find someone and have kids, you're expected to work as well as to take care of the kids, your husband, and parents from both families (if you're partner's Asian too). No thanks, I'm outies. I'll create my own authentic life. And don't ever buy into the guilt-tripping of how they moved to another country for you. Nope, it was their choice, they need to learn to take responsibilities. And if they really cared about your wellbeing they would listen to how you feel and find ways to work things out.

[@dinolandia8978]

Best part is when they say don't get a boyfriend/girlfriend. And then when you grow up they ask why aren't you married yet?

[@DavidGutierrez-nt7ov]

Jerry, You are doing a great thing here. I appreciate you. You have given me a tremendous education by sharing your story. I'm sure this is going to have a positive impact for some. You are an inspiration!👍

[@johnnyy8720]

Hey man thanks so much for this video. I've been rehasing my thoughts lately on this too and this was the best video that could really cohesively bring these thoughts together. I have the same exact issues. I know part of it is due to culture but at the same time my parents do not have an open mind. They get offended if I try to give advice or suggest something when that's their culture/ego telling them that because they're in a "higher hiarchial role" a son/daughter has no f"cking right to go against them. I'm halfway through college now and tbh now I'm just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel... As soon as I graduate I live 100% on my own terms.

[@Razear]

Sweet, sweet video, man. I don't think I've ever heard truer words in my life. Funny thing is though, I actually wanted to attend grad school and was scheduled to start this fall, but mom thinks that it's a waste of time and money because I would have to spend two extra years of my working life not making any money and that I would be overqualified once I finish since I wouldn't have a lot of work experience. Her mentality is that once I finish school, I should just work my life away until retirement because doing anything else would not provide a steady income. lol Ultimately, everything in life to Asian parents revolves around making money and nothing else. Education in their eyes is purely vocational, which is why they despise me for studying the liberal arts. I just really wish that more Asian parents would understand that getting rich isn't everything, and that taking risks, getting a girlfriend, or getting poor grades in school isn't necessarily indicative of becoming a failure in life.

[@JerryLiuYT]

+Razear yep!

[@Razear]

Btw, you should post this video on: www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/

[@JerryLiuYT]

+Razear go ahead! All yours!

[@leabeckman3558]

Dude keep being you! it’s your life do whatever you please

[@lopsided123]

My parents were also immigrants and all the things you talked about were mostly reflected in my upbringing as well (though we never did the upward comparison bit). The part that hurts the most is the lack of ability to socialize and to understand the world properly which also affected my hs/college years and years into the work force. It took alot of effort to figure out these social issues out. I went to an Ivy League and have done well financiall,y but my dad has not ever said a positive comment directly to me. He still complains alot about my brother, who also went to a Ivy league but is trying to be an entrepeneur. Do you think it's possible that the art of parenting was affected in the last 100-200 years through the fall of Chinese civilization and the cultural revolution?

[@RatchetRorschach]

I feel ya bro, by firsthand experience.. people with this type of mentality will never ever satisfy with anything. living around this toxic environments is really dragging me down.

[@loin897]

Jerry - thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts and experiences. As a father of 2 asian boys ( 7&9) I found this to be extremely helpful.

[@KnockoutInvesting]

Don't micromanage their lives.

[@yoleeisbored]

be kind, please listen to your kids, please dont abuse them..

[@blackgnosticspeaks]

It's been said that Confucian is very Authoritarian and pragmatic. Much like the Stoics of Greece and Rome. The opposite of very liberal America . I think Amy Chua in "Tiger Mom" and Malcolm Gladwell kind of touched on this in "Outliers" the environment shapes the culture. American culture is built on the idea of the individual pioneer, a very anti -collective stance. I think even Barack Obama touched on this in a speech. It's interesting to hear East Asians speak on the positives and negatives of the culture. My culture (black) needs more of the collective discipline and little less of the individualist. We are very creative, but not very disciplined as a group

[@cwayzums]

Jerry, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I’ve gone through this myself with my immigrant Filipino parents, but add narcissism on top of that. It’s twice as much worse. Always feeling not good enough for them no matter what I do, except my sibs and I had to be perfect children in public. One thing that stuck out to me was that after meeting my family at church, a woman who had little kids at the time told my parents that she wanted to raise her children the same way that my parents raised my sibs and I. If only she knew what went out behind closed doors. Needless to say, I’ve also cut off contact with everyone this year. Thanksgiving was spent doing things my way and Christmas will be a first one spent without them. Side note; I played the violin and got a degree for it. LOL now I just stick to singing playing the ukulele. You can tell what happened there.

[@canond7537]

Wow Jerry words cannot express how grateful I am to you for making this video. I can relate to you on such a high level that it almost felt like you were family at one point in this video. You know what would be great? If these videos had Korean or Chinese subtitles. I've been going through the same shit and wanting to tell this to my Korean parents my whole life but I just can't bring myself to. They live in their own personal bubble of delusions from their era back home and because of that, no matter what I say they will always treat my opinions as inferior.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Feel free to subtitle this. You can submit subtitles on the options on this video

[@rob5767]

U know as I watched this video I got kinda motivated to work harder, I'm 17 now and I'm doing my last year right now in school. I know I'm kinda going against the point of the video but something waked up me up to aim for higher goals even if as u said there's not only one way to happiness but that was exactly my mindset and it made me kinda care free and lazy. I have to go back to working harder and having that feeling of competition helps a lot anyway even if it's not what u wanted to explain in this video thanks for the motivation.

[@rainaye2466]

OMG SO TRUE! Thanks for sharing Jerry!!!

[@yakiyakiyaya1117]

Everything you said is so true, it’s just funny how I feel that we all grew up In the same household under the same parents

[@judyheller8814]

Wow thanks for sharing. I am a white American woman who married a Chinese man. We have a daughter who is considered a gifted student and was admitted to a special program in her school. We both encourage her to work hard, but don't push her. She does not take music lessons because she isn't interested. I give my daughter praise when she does something well, but my husband does not. He points out her flaws a lot. I always wondered where that came from.

[@JerryLiuYT]

You never asked him?

[@judyheller8814]

Jerry Liu LOL. What polite way is there to ask him? Why can't you say something positive about our daughter? Or other questions. Why are you so needy? Why do you ask me to do things that you can do yourself? I didn't know until a year ago that him telling me that I was the whitest person on the beach was a compliment.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Yeah, that's definitely a compliment! He never explained that to you? Your relationship sounds amazing ;)

[@Jimmynguyen659]

Jerry liu, i have same problem with my Vietnamese first gen parents too, ok like the behavior of them is bad ok, once at the time where i was my friends birthday party, my mom and dad call me it's late you need to go home! So i check the time it's barely 7pm at night so i stayed there for two more hr. And my dad come to my friends house like a madness zombie, he start ruin our party pushing one of my friends, flipping table over he start saying party over, ok at that day he not only ruin the party, but got him self almost to jail so my friends cousin called police when they come they almost arrested my dad and later i tell the police to forgive my dad, so they let him go, later when we come home he start abusing me, luckly since im kinda tough, so i was able to defend him and then he said this "what are you going to learn you future life, how are you going to earn money and help you parent?!" Ok first thing it's just a fucking birthday party they act like this party do drugs and everythings, secondly this parent want me to be depressed because they expected me stay home study hard and then expected to be a doctor smh am mean i got to be more outgoing to relief my stressful day seriously they are so god awful over protective and over strict it's like you have no freedom, 3rd they treat my like a 6 yrl old an im 17btw am mean seriously 1st gen asian dont know how to treat age properly, and final i dont want to live with them. Conclusion 1st gen parent i nickname them the satan parent ok, this parent do things to ruin your life, because they dont want your life what you want to be, they want to use you as money, my personal experience it's Christmas day my grandparents give me $100 which is cool because they care about me and then my mom said give me the money i save it for you, i said "ok" next day i wake up they spent over my $100 of nail salon supplies and luxury things so i ask her why did you spent my money like that its not your she said "go to work then you earn money, mom always hardwork" ok this is enormously BS every one in u.s have some harder job than nail salon, so she think herself work harder than others and secondly expected me to get a job so you can get my money and spend on it? Holy shit this is worst than gold digger, so that was my experience, anyway my parents always seem negative when meeting people, they never greet and dont even bother to talk to people if you talk to them, the yjust ignore you, last thing you shouldn't trust parent like this each parent have their own bad life to create for example ghetto people do drugs born a baby like at age of 13, parent who dont care children but care for his bf or husband, and asian parent just want ther children have no freedom and make lessen to there parent like they're dictator kim jong un. This is all i have to say, there are more things to said how terrible my parents is, but enough is enough saying.

[@gstword]

I feel u. This created resentment towards my own culture. I found myself trying harder to not be asian, I would rebel and often do what's not expected of Asians. I was attracted to anyone who wasn't asian and found myself dating non asian women. I adopted a western lifestyle and didn't live like most of my asian friends. Ure right our parents r only doing what they think is right. They end up focusing on what they want for us, instead of what we want for ourselves.

[@kalingingsong]

I'm in a similar situation as you, and after a lot of thinking my main 'insight' into this topic is the following: parents are self-interested human beings like you, sometimes there is a conflict of interest, so they can't always support you, because sometimes what's good for you isn't whats good for them (e.g. if you do something that makes you look awesome but they don't get any benefits, then why should they support you? etc). My main approach now is to try to focus on why my actions are benefiting them directly - again, not always possible. It's like relationships with women, there are basic cost-benefit calculations on both sides (sometimes they wouldn't even admit it to themselves), but most people find it psychologically very difficult to openly discuss what they really want (because there is a risk that the relationship will end, so most of the communication between people breaks down into trying to get what they want without just directly asking for it, and this causes people a lot of grief). Sometimes my mom or dad is ranting about something they want me to do - if I try to engage in moral/philosophical arguments it leads nowhere, but if I focus on how much money they can make if they go with my plan etc (you can't be too direct of course, just have to hint at it and imply certain things), they all of a sudden calm down and become a lot more rational and easy to persuade (They wouldn't admit to this of course lol).

[@JerryLiuYT]

Interesting advice. Thanks!

[@BigEvan96]

kalingingsong Lol. Convince them that your plan is theirs.

[@RatchetRorschach]

yup, agreed

[@MsBulletproof]

I came across this while searching on how to deal with overbearing Asian mil.. Im so sorry you encountered this parenting style. I for one never had that kind of pressure and am so blessed and thankful but I hope things are better now with you and your parents.

[@anthonytawauwau5288]

I totally understand, The hardest challenge we all face in life is our family, Parents.

[@libertymaestro6891]

I think your analysis is spot on, and I'm glad to see an Asian American finally articulate this in a way that makes sense. Unfortunately, I think too many Asians buy into the victimization argument that claims that the lack of Asian leadership and creative positions is due to discrimination and racism. They are unwilling to look within at the collective cultural and parental aspects of our lives. I will say that the second generation of Asian Americans have a great opportunity to synthesize the best aspects of western and eastern culture. We have the potential to raise kids who are hard working, humble, successful, but also creative, ambitious, and independent. We just need to overcome our victim mentalities and culturally misplaced childhoods.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Yep. BTW, I've subscribed to your channel. Thanks for your comments!

[@libertymaestro6891]

Thanks Jerry! I'm subscribed to you on my personal account.

[@carsonche5131]

I felt the same way with my asian father arguing and sometimes. My father always go hard on me all the time. And Always strict

[@yeswekey]

Indian here. Can totally relate.

[@jackedkerouac4414]

I have an Indian friend and he's successful but has a serious drinking problem bc of the impossible expectations from his mom. Nothing is good enough for her. He's an exec at PepsiCo how come he's not married? He got married, where is her grandchild? She got a beautiful grandson he can't have just one child! As a Korean we drink together to try to try and forget!

[@Shiro642]

@@jackedkerouac4414 Exactly, these parents are always pushing! They could not stand to see their kids happy so they always create more problems.

[@cagcag696]

Why is a guy in his 20s stil listening to his parents? Once I realized at the age of 18 that my parents were trying to control me, I left them and haven't spoken to them in 7 years so far.

[@ahhwe-any7434]

bc ure ass is wanting to be disrespectful & obnoxious. my parents were & r heartless. but at 19, far away from home, I still imagined what my parents thought of me. thats still a pretty damn young age! I haven't talked talked to my parents in several yrs either. theuve met my 9 yr old once & that's only bc I tried

[@lordoftc]

Because your parents aren’t as skilled as asian parents at manipulation and brainwashing. It’s an art.

[@rockinrobin]

Asian guys like him and myself from the moment we’re born , are raised to be super obedient and for the family

[@mr.mtariq8180]

Asian parents do this in order to not be able to rely on yourself and to have to rely on them for everything. They have brainwashed you since childhood by telling you not to do this and not to do that. For their own interests Such as if you like a girl who works with you, then they will remove you from her only because the matter is not in their interest, because if you promised that girl, you will not work well, and you will not generate money for them or they will remove you from the job only if the salary is not suitable for them, the whole thing is related to money, unfortunately and their own interests, and they do not want you to date a girl so that you do not be distracted. Bring money to them that they do not care about your feelings when you are sad or depressed, and despite this, this matter will still not satisfy your parents. With the lives of your children and their future, I should know that my words are frank, but some thing is not true

[@XerxesCandyBreaker07]

You sound like you'd make an awesome therapist/psychologist :)

[@willclouded]

As a Asian born in the uk I have felt this

[@kenshic.7750]

This guy speaks the truth. I was lucky that growing up with my dad he was more understanding about what I wanted to do. But moving to abroad and living with relatives all the things this guy discussed came is the reality. Basically what happened going into my 20s I lost most of that confidence and adventure seeking and now have a hard time socialising lol thanks family.

[@asuaasua6274]

Love your honesty and insight. Keep at it. Love your channel.

[@SoCalKevin]

Thank you for making this video Jerry. You made a lot of good points and it’s very interesting to hear your perspective. I’m also 1st gen, but my parents came over uneducated, and chose to remain uneducated permanently. Their parenting style was very similar to what you described though, and worse. Immigrated when I was 4 and here I am many decades later still trying to understand why my parents are batshit crazy.

[@edgarlarios4718]

I'm glad vented in such a healthy way that got many of us to rethink our lives.

[@tanjagordon1352]

your parents sound like mine!! I'm Serbian and I've lived through exactly this!!!

[@batukhan6406]

Jerry... I just subscribed. You have a lot of insight.

[@cain825]

Irecently saw an article about Asian men dying form being overworked.

[@bigdeal4147]

Asian success = have straight As. Be excellent in piano, while juggling 25 AP classes in high school. If you are girl, only A cup boobs allowed. Must speak Chinese at home and still end up having a fobby accent even though you were born and raised in east LA. Get picked on by the vatos. Graduate top 5%. Go to UCLA or UCI, be close to home and back home every weekend. find wife without being allowed to have a gf, get married, invite 400 relatives, make babies, show off new Mercedes. Rinse repeat. Any straying away from the norm equals disappointment. And when you reach a certain age all you hear is, "why you no marrrry? I introduce you to pingping, Bobo, Lulu,xixi, peepee, Gigi, Fifi, leelee

[@JerryLiuYT]

Damn. Pretty accurate!

[@theia1653]

Here is where Asian parenting causes even more grief. What if I'm not attracted to Ling ling, Ping ping, Peepee, or Lulu? What if I like Jessica, Caitlin, Brianna, and Maeve? Oh, we can't have THAT. I have heard of an Asian mom have even went to a college campus with a picture of her son asking random girls if they want to date him!

[@yoleeisbored]

damn.. this describes koreans too

[@ewayjeng1]

I feel the same way I went through self hate and disappointment because there was a time all my sibs had good jobs and houses and I was at the time living an apartment with a mediocre job but even after I promoted and got a house it seems it is never enough but I am happy where I’m at I don’t need to be a millionaire I am pursuing a side business of my passion while I still have a stable job

[@FJDH11]

Spot on Jerry, I have similar experience.

[@miiotv]

WOW !! I’m very happy for you ❤️ that despite of what you went thru and experience that you still have the to strength ( mentally ) to see this with a clear vision ✨ I’m inspired by your videos and love them ❤️💫 KEEP DOING YOU ! You got a new subscriber and Imma keep watching so I can learn more myself ... lots of love from the Netherlands ❤️❤️🇱🇺🇧🇶

[@narendrareza8096]

Came here after watched Turning Red and Everything Everywhere All At Once

[@NYC-2-BKK]

Your comments are spot on accurate!

[@vsonic86]

Wow this is so fucken true to Asian parent. I remembered during college year, I used to receive so many phone calls from my mom telling me to go home a friend’s birthday. During my graduation, I was told my parents that my grad was not good enough. The level of comparison was too much which put stress on me. I can’t sleep at night because I was always a constant argument with my parent that I need to get a job ASAP. It is strict with rules and regulations. It was always about education and get a job.

[@jr.smiththehennessygod2249]

I can relate. You genuinely feel like your in pain. I feel you bro.

[@RussX5Z]

Epic video Jerry!!! As a Chinese Asian American man myself I always thought I was the only one that thought this way. Pretty much everything you said is spot on and I'm not saying this to sound like a kiss ass I really mean it. I myself use to have arguments with similar topics like this about hierarchy, education, and social status with my mom. And it took her many many years to finally understand this and she finally became less like the descriptions of what you just mentioned about the typical 1st generation Asian parenting. Anyways I totally feel you about the situation about you and your father arguing. I believe it's the brainwashing they had as a kid to be at their financial and economical best so that's why many 1st generation Asian and Chinese parents are the way they are and that's the bad thing about the Asian/Chinese culture. And you are right about it affecting Asian people's self esteem esp Asian men's self esteem. Anyways I applaud you and sort of look up to you that you have enough balls to put yourself up here on youtube and talk about topics like this. And in a way you are sort of breaking the Asian male stereotypes to put yourself out there because most AA men rarely speak out about topics like this. Anyways I wanted to do something similar about what you are doing but I'm still too chicken shit to do this! LOL! Hopefully I get over my fears and eventually do this. Anyways you're definitely not alone and you are going into the right direction of thinking. And you are heading into the right direction of life. Anyways keep up the good work and I think your channel is growing and getting better. By the way how old are you Jerry? I'm 36 by the way. Anyhow peace and take care brother.

[@JerryLiuYT]

+RussX5Z thank you so much for your encouragement!! I'm 26. Where in the country are you watching from?

[@RussX5Z]

+Jerry Liu No problem man. I'm watching from the same country that you're from. I'm from the U.S.!! LOL! Oh and by the way I'm from the state of Hawaii. What state are you from? Anyways I got to say that you are very intelligent, mature, self aware, and articulate for your age. I was no where like you when I was around your age. I started to really think similar like you when I hit around age 30 and continue to progress and improve as I got older. And at age 36 I've grown a lot mentally and I'm still in the process of learning and improving myself. Anyways thanks for the reply Jerry. Peace.

[@SpaceshipKev]

I'm sorry that you went through all of this. I really appreciate you posting this. Hearing someone else talk about this is so reassuring because I feel so alone and I feel like I got dealt the shittiest hand with my pos father.

[@yoleeisbored]

hey man you're not alone ive also gone through this too.

[@reinataniguchi1136]

Since I was little, my parents forced me to go to the Japanese school every after school. It was all study study study even late at night. As a child, it was really stressful. All I wanted to do was play with my friends and have fun. But I guess overworking academic was more important. If I don't do great, my parents yell at me and call me an idiot so whenever I didn't good on my test, I get scared going home. They didn't let me sleep until I do my homework right. As I grew older, I always wanted to become a makeup artist but my Asian parents weren't happy with my dream. My mom wanted me to become a flight attendant so she can get a free ride. For my junior year of high school, she didn't let me go to prom because I didn't have a date. My mom doesn't trust any of my friends because their race is not ours. My mom is so judgmental towards my friend and my lover. I had this guy I truly loved and he came to my house a couple of times. He's Hispanic and didn't have a perfect household but for me, he was a charming and sweet person. I didn't care if the person has money or not, all I care was respect and love. But I guess for my mom he was not a ”good guy” because he's not rich and he's not white or Asian. She told me not to bring him to our house and I was devastated. I loved him so much and I was happy with him. All of my friends who start to know my parent's personality gives them the awkwardness and my friend were uncomfortable. My mom always compares me with her friend's child. She complains why I'm not smart enough like this child or that child, why I decided not to go into university such as UCLA. I wanted to go to community college first to save money but my mom didn't want me to because she thinks that community college is for ”stupid people”. She wanted me to go to university so she can brag it to her friends. Overall, I'm attending a state university but they complain about how expensive the school is. No matter what, I sometimes just can't satisfy them unless I become a robot and do anything they told me to. For me, this kind of parenting is so toxic. Forcing them what to do/be when they don't want to, yell at them when they are not perfect, and others. Those are not pushing them to succeeds, those are pressuring, giving them lots of stress/ anxiety and making them insecure.

[@JerryLiuYT]

Wow! Thanks for sharing! Where are you in your life now?

[@joemuis23]

my family from fathers side is like that with thinking the worst will happen. especially concerning safety. because of that I tend to spend a lot of time having imaginary arguments with people about whatever intuitition I have. Some of this is related to likely autism which makes it that I require less feedback to experience tunnel vision. Still that's why I relate really well to asian media.