The psychological toll of BEING SILENCED

[@youngblood8540]

Love from the narcissist can be fake but their hate is always real.

[@LSMH528Hz]

they hate love because it makes them dependable, they rather kill it.

[@sparklecanada0112]

👌🏼😣💔

[@KarenMazzola-q5r]

Exactly

[@Ax.DaEdge]

😅😅😅😅 ...No truer words have ever been spoken.

[@AskThe-UW]

So true. Initially, it hurt to settle that truth within my heart...but with the passage of time, I'm okay now. It doesn't bother me.

[@angelakh4147]

I needed to hear this today. When you are a giver, and you are surrounded by takers, and you decide to stop giving, the world becomes a very lonely place.

[@sharynmain2432]

Indeed it does. Fighting for your sanity takes its toll. What is even sadder is when you section yourself off for purely survival … you look around and find yourself alone, because you realise this wasn’t just a one off freak event, it was your life and programme behaviours setting you up for the abuse. Give yourself time and space and keep reminding yourself that you would rather be free from those who hurt you…and bear in mind that you don’t treat yourself like that. Good luck

[@juliettailor1616]

Indeed. We, I think the minority, givers need to find each other and leave the takers to themselves. In the world to come they will take care of each other as instead of cooperating they fight for food and shelter...

[@BigTroubleD]

This rung so true to me

[@Seremonii]

Yes indeed. Find yourself a couple of hobbies. I paint, visit galleries & museums and make jewelry. I also collect Buddah figurens. 😊

[@smania7575]

So true. My husband and I stopped giving to certain family members and now we don't hear from them as much. We weren't willing to bend to their demands and we stopped letting them try to push us, so they don't reach out much anymore. Oddly enough, this allowed us to make better connections with other family members and friends. Those people love us because we have no expectations of them, just want to spend time with them.

[@youngblood8540]

The narcissist will never take away the pain but they are more than happy to take away your happiness.

[@Ax.DaEdge]

💯 FACTS!!!

[@d.s.28]

So true !

[@Hawaiiansky11]

This is why I believe they are truly demonic / evil / dark; they see goodness, kindness, beauty and love and do all they can to crush it or kill it.

[@lesliestembridge4187]

I needed to hear this today

[@janetprice85]

And freedom.

[@tommiest3769]

Has anyone else noticed that when people try to speak out in a narcissistic family system, they get accused of being "angry", "resentful", "unforgiving" etc. by the narcissist and their cadre of enablers?

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

You took the words right out of their mouths. Amazing how they all know our feelings and thoughts.

[@missjannd]

Selfish, "how nice of you" (sarcastic), "how thoughtful of you" (sarcastic), I can go on and on. It's awful.

[@lightitup33333]

YES

[@dnk4559]

Yes! My being in therapy was a huge threat. I was labeled “negative, unforgiving and stuck in the past”.

[@KaiM9833]

I have constantly been called bitter and resentful by my narc mother and that I should let go of the past. For then my words be twisted making herself look like a victim.

[@sharonrotenizer5646]

If a narcissist wants to silence you….give them what they want. Go no contact and never let them hear your voice or see your face again! Problem solved.

[@QTKinz]

No truer words have been spoken.

[@gingermaynor495]

Thank you. When silenced as a child "you can go into adulthood not knowing what you like, stand for or believe". That was so true for me. Friends would ask me what I wanted to do on a Friday night, and I literally did not know. I was filled with anxiety at the question. It got worse if I did not express an opinion, then they thought I was too "meek". I was embarrassed but not meek, I just did not know who I was as a person.

[@mendingmandy869]

Same!! I couldn't even decide what I wanted at subway.

[@louisegarner8888]

Look up the real definition of meek... "power under control" you have a sWord but keep it sheathed. 🗡️💪🙌😘

[@shorelined1]

Wow. I unfortunately identify with this completely. Not knowing who I was was my daily battle for many years. What a destructive toll silencing a child is.

[@marionjansen5030]

See it as a compliment. It’s better to be meek and soft than hard as a nail like a narcissist.

[@rosemaryclifford6720]

Exactly the same

[@erinward2983]

I was silenced until I had no idea who I was. *To be silenced is to be lost. It is to be oppressed* LOSSES: Loss of self, confidence, trust, purpose, meaning, perspective, value, creative potential, expressiveness, connection. The losses due to silence further silences us. Eventually, the parent has silenced us into subjugated, extensions of themselves. We accept and suffer continued abuse. We miss out. The world missies out. When I reflect upon the injustices and my youth in general, I'm sickened by the cruelty demonstrated by narcissistic parents. *SILENCED NO MORE, I fight for the voiceless children amidst us. That's what this is about for me*

[@yolandadavidson9871]

I think the forced abandonment of oneself is one of the worst side effects of a relationship with a narcissist.

[@jasmine3416]

Me too for 25 years.. sorry it happened to you . Horrible

[@Lencaleena]

I'm just realizing for myself, who the person who gave birth to me really is.

[@cpryor6147]

same here jus realizing the full circles of continued abuse my covert narc mother who has guilted me bcuz i "was such a horrible child", to b her sole 24hr caregiver as an adult. at 37 im done living for her. I have to LIVE FOR ME.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Attached by Amir Levine Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma by Dr Gabor Mate The Language Of Emotions by Dr Gabor Mate Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Imago The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay

[@meredithwood495]

“A narcissistic person can do as much damage as an entire society.” 💯 agree!

[@jessicaselenecenteno]

YES.

[@lindaodstrcil9750]

Being silenced is humiliating, mean, and cruel. 32 yrs and finally got him out. It is never too late. I am 72 and know I deserve to be happy healthy. My blood pressure went back to normal numbers 2 weeks after he left. A year in Dec.😊

[@niki9669]

That´s wonderful!

[@maxmaximus8323]

Yay! Good for you, 36 years for me and she left on her own. I'm happy and healthy and I'm working still because I want to. Boy what a relief it is.

[@lihihasson15]

I’m so happy for you! You’re awesome, it is never too late ❤

[@dawnrobbins5877]

It's literally a soul in solitary confinement. The only "crime" was being born.

[@youngblood8540]

Every breath I take, proves that I can live without the narcissist.

[@Heather_ONeal]

Wow, I needed to read this, thanks for putting it that way, it’s like the saying just take it day by day but from now on I’m going to say just take it “ breath by breath “ this is beautiful, thank you so much! Hopefully what i said made some kind of sense lol , if your reading this I hope you have a great day or at the very least the best day you can, lots of love and well wishes!!

[@youngblood8540]

​@@Heather_ONealYou're welcome. Thanks you too! Stay strong 💪👍

[@heleneisotta4288]

Yes yes yes you can!!

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Yes yes yes. Happy joyous and free since June 2017 from a passive aggressive covert narcissist. And free from NM since March 2013. Vile people whose punishment is relentless

[@JRS133]

Yes!

[@donnachimenti7]

I wish those who don't suffer from this could understand it so people around us can be more supportive.

[@kathrynhayes1799]

I honestly don’t think anyone who has not lived through it can understand. Dr Ramani understands ‘cause she’s lived through it. Guess at whatever stage we’re at, we all have . I think I’m free of it finally, but I still listen to these priceless vids to remind myself, well, mostly, that I’m okay - I matter, I’ve survived and am stronger than anyone can imagine. We all are. Every day is a celebration for us. We belong to the NSCA -Narcissistic Survival Club Anonymous.

[@donnachimenti7]

@@kathrynhayes1799 thanks so much for that.

[@annapomelo3818]

I am one of those. So grateful for these educational videos.

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@kathrynhayes1799 isn’t that the truth. Dr. Ramani is invaluable because of her life experience and her expertise at helping the lost and abused.

[@HeauxlySmokes]

Omg yes

[@jm2307]

Being silenced endlessly can literally kill you. It’s so important to find the spaces where you’re genuinely loved and valued. This is easier said than done for some, but you’ll never be able to make yourself small enough for people who only see you as an object.

[@gertrudewest4535]

I thought it was diet

[@knowtruth2773]

@jm2307 I have been silent too long. Only speaking on forums like this in snippets. It's time for me to talk. I needed this video today.

[@michellebeishline4657]

Yes, it can literally kill you. I have Fibromyalgia now.

[@thriveinlife]

literally has almost killed me, I think about killing myself just to teach them a lesson, (them is Narc mom and brother) but alas, they never would learn the lesson, because they DO NOT CARE if I am dead or alive.

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@thriveinlife They would actually FEED off your death and garner supply from it while secretly gloating. Don't EVER DO THAT!! That's a huge WIN for narcissist demons!!! And they would use it as "proof" that you were "mentally unstable" and were the "problem"....

[@sylvies5050]

This video spoke volumes to me. I developed adrenal tumors that cannot be biopsied or surgically removed. At 61, I began to acknowledge how detrimental stress from abuse and being silenced is to one's body. I have begun a new journey of regaining my voice and my health. Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@janphilpot406]

Please please please, get your self Reki if done properly it will help physically and emotionally. The best thing I ever did for myself was to be Reki attunement 1&2 . So that can give myself treatment,which I have recently started each morning before my day starts. The only hard part was valuing myself enough to do this to myself and not looking after others first. X January

[@sylvies5050]

@@janphilpot406 Thank you so very much! Yes, I will take your advice and look into it as of today. 🌞

[@janetpattison8474]

I discovered Dr Brooke Goldner on TY. She’s helping many ppl w/ simple green drinks.. Testamonials on her website are great also.

[@johanna11980]

Thank you for sharing, your story will help others ... I wish you the best in your journey to loving you, I am on that journey ... it's not easy but it's worth it 😊💜

[@cc1k435]

​@@janphilpot406I may look into that, too. My spirit and body both need an alignment after all this time. ❤

[@ardent9422]

This comment section and others about narcissism have been one of the only spaces for piercing the silence, so I appreciate everyone here dealing with this, and I hope you feel that appreciation as well.

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

I do. We're not alone, even when we are. Wish you the best in your recovery path.

[@ardent9422]

@@Yarblocosifilitico thank you 🙏🏽 I wish you peace and healing as well.

[@Itsme-jv4cd]

Thank you! You too. Take care.

[@HeauxlySmokes]

🖤🖤🖤

[@annmarieknapp]

You are not alone. We're here with you and for you.

[@JHixon-bi8ok]

In a relationship with a narcissist, I had to constantly stifle my true opinions, thoughts and feelings.I lost my autonomy, lost my authenticity. I was living in a constant state of fearing that person erupting into nasty behavior. Constantly walking on eggshells in fear of the narcissist was bad for my health!!!

[@realhealing7802]

Silencing myself started in childhood. Narcissistic parents want complete submission. I had to comply or I would be punished. I had to go no contact to find my voice. Living in silence hurts you physically and mentally.

[@j.elizabeth4621]

ALWAYS. “Don’t make friends” “don’t tell anyone too much about yourself” “don’t do this don’t do that” so sick of it.

[@Okay_Seante]

This!

[@bettinarossi7908]

My sister has been trying to silence me most of my life . I allowed her to because confrontations were too painful for me. She has now decided not to speak with me anymore because I finally stood up for myself.Sad.

[@LSMH528Hz]

Sounds like a good thing to me. You stood up for yourself and you probably won't be bothered by her anytime soon.

[@janetpattison8474]

The narcs are always right of course, and they cannot handle the truth. Mine LOVE to ghost, or ignore me as well.

[@bettinarossi7908]

@@janetpattison8474I find it to be all so cruel and unnecessary. Make no mistake,they easily move on,don't give their heartless actions a second thought, while we ruminate. I am so over them.😏

[@stylusapteryx1490]

Yes, it is sad, but it is probably not the end. Boundary setting results in withdrawal from the sibling. I have had it too. As long as you stay strong and don't get drawn into "trying to please unpleasable people" with her, this might not be the end of the relationship. First, be safe. You have let her know the rules have changed. That is non-negotiable. We radically accept they don't change their self-centredness, and we share less of ourselves with this unsafe person, like the woman mentioned in the video. Eventually the sibling might just run out of sulk and begin to relate again as if nothing has happened, but without the bullying because they realize they can't get away with that any more. They won't relate as an equal of course, because they believe they are better, but relate in some way, acknowledging the siblingness. As long as you keep yourself emotionally safe, some sort of connection with the sibling is possible to maintain.

[@bettinarossi7908]

@@stylusapteryx1490 wow..thank you for spending your time articulating your wise advice ..so very appreciated..🙏I will heed your advice.I am learning as I go along, thanks to Dr.Ramani and the highly evolved viewers on her channel. I have finally realized, that I am a really good person,who only seeks to help people and animals. I harbor no I'll will or meanness,as I have been falsely accused of..I knew nothing of narcissism,but now see.. that I have been in several relationships with narcissists! Eye opening. 😳

[@ArtropolisStudio]

"The hardest part of healing is to un-silence yourself"-wow! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[@timmusician5060]

THAT was a mantra of my mom!!!! “A child should be seen & not heard.”

[@riel4553]

Sadly that is cultural.

[@nursejackie4454]

Yes. Thought that was only in my household 🥹🥹

[@katieanderson7847]

My mother and grandmother’s mantra too

[@megpi72]

I’ve heard the same thing from my parents

[@richersonkate]

My husbands mantra:Spouses are to be unheard and unseen, unless I say so.

[@AskThe-UW]

He tried to silence me but I fought every single day to be heard. Whether he listened or not, I fought and fought to be heard. BUT, it became too exhausting, plus his disrespect grew worse and worse. I filed for divorce, because enough was enough.

[@kathleenbell9509]

Pretty much my story too.

[@jamela6020]

Same here..

[@edwinapreston4847]

Me too. It makes me sad, but I tried to be heard for 20 years

[@richyrich4672]

I’m on the same bus called Enough is Enough. But this bus is taking me to happy beautiful places. 👍💪

[@karenortega2046]

Very similar … i vocalized the unfairness with him and his family and it became so bad he just became more disrespectful and punished me by goung to family outings and not letting me go to. He refused to stand beside me with his family and the descent got worse. He is older and getting worse as he ages

[@elaynepallist572]

This: “Your true self is a funny thing: it wants to get out - it needs to get out. And if it is thwarted, we get sick. And this is why narcissistic relationships are downright dangerous for our health.” This is it for those of us who have suffered abuse - in all of its forms - in a nutshell!

[@reesedaniel5835]

Narcissists are basically murderers by default.

[@cc1k435]

That is all that any bully wants (expects from you, really), your silence. You are never supposed to tell or know the truth. ❤

[@reesedaniel5835]

And when you tell the truth about the abuse they call you insane and make sure every single person they know that knows you believes you are insane. And those people will almost NEVER come to you to find out your side of it. They simply swallow the narc's version like candy.

[@oonaghmolyneux7760]

The silencing is the most damaging, as you go out into the world unable to speak up for yourself. Basically groomed for manipulation and abuse. A family therapist told my mother to ‘stop buttoning her up’. My mother would not let me speak. My father said we had an ‘attitude problem’ if we questioned anything about the world. We are all more educated than our parents, but they know everything, and ‘there’s more to life than…’ what we value. This is a cultural legacy of patriarchy, and nearly destroyed generation X.

[@lennie1703]

@oonaghmolyneux7760 "Basically groomed for manipulation and abuse". Such a clear summing up that SHOULD have come easily to my lips when so-called friends shook their heads with despair at my "disastrous " life. But I didn't have a voice. I NEVER had a voice to articulate the feelings. I'm just finding my voice now. Thank God for the wonderful, kind-hearted and wise therapists on KZbin. And the community of people who share with their comments. ❤ Thank you.

[@stingylizard]

Good point...It IS generational.

[@CJ-hz1uj]

Sounds a bit like there was a “cultural legacy of matriarchy” too. Maybe the father could have stepped up more, stood up for his child, filling that “patriarchal” role of protector and provider.

[@abysswalker2325]

But without patriarchy you wouldn't be able to write that message.

[@cpryor6147]

omg YES!

[@discopotato675]

As a child, I was definitely silenced. I had zero opinion/voice. And the last relationship with a Narc just brought all of that rushing back. Thankfully you can choose your partners and I got out after 8 months, unlike your parents.

[@jenbloom6848]

Same exact life experience here. My heart goes out 💜

[@reneemorgan3144]

This was me...I know as the scapegoat/blacksheep of the "family" since as long as I could remember. What I know now 6 plus decades later is that I have survived every calamity sent my way to destroy the person they wanted to silence. I know now that I have a very powerful voice...even after Thyroid cancer threatened to take it away. I now help others who have been shut down. You are worthy of your voice. It is yours. I hope and pray you all find it and begin to see life a little brighter🌞

[@magugayonela8978]

No one in the entire whole World understands Narcissism like this woman 👏👏. She is the one person that precisely describes how one feels after narcissistic abuse . You are the best Dr Ramani ❤

[@sharynmain2432]

Ramani certainly is. Imagine if more people, especially in the mental health field had awareness, expertise and emotional intelligence on this subject. Along with others who were willing to get uncomfortable to be an ally for those who are struggling with an extremely destructive and intrusive personality type.

[@michellebeishline4657]

Oh my God yes! She is not just the national, but the international expert on narcissistic abuse, its effects, and recovery. She knows every aspect of it.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Well she has a good understanding but she is far from being the only one. The Enlightened Target is sharp as a whip on this type of hidden abuse.

[@lindamoore9729]

I totally agree.

[@shonahorsman5154]

Hear hear!

[@dagnytaggart5216]

About 15 years ago I had surgery for colon cancer. Afterwards I started seeing a naturopath. He asked me if I keep my feelings in a lot instead of expressing them. I said “All the time!” He said that is one of the reasons people get colon cancer.

[@runningwithscissors1564]

It has always been my belief that most diseases stem from withholding things. Abuse takes a massive toll on body chemistry.

[@NobodyNoOne1984]

you should look into German New Medicine (GNM). you might find it very interesting.

[@LindaRedmond-uk4rm]

Farah Fawcett died of colon cancer & she was married to & lived with narcissist Ryan O'Neill (he's likely a semi-distant relative of mine, not surprising).

[@HaleyMary]

That's really interesting. Sometimes I wonder if my epithelial basement membrane dystrophy was caused by stress of dealing with jerks in the past or from the stress of my aunt dying from leukemia and then my relationship with my boyfriend falling apart. I find on days I try to de stress, I feel in less pain.

[@katiehealer8861]

I grew up in an angry home, married angry men and have kidney disease.....there you go.

[@Permenantlyexhaustedghost115]

Trying to survive a narcissistic parent takes such a great toll. That eventually you’ll feel like the walking dead and almost non existent. At least that’s how it felt for me.

[@Dbellerive22605]

I was silenced by an abusive step brother, my sister and 2 ex husbands. At 53 I’m just trying to heal. This video was very vital for me to watch. Thank you ♥️

[@millertas]

All the best. I can still see my older sister shouting "Why don't you just do as you're told?". I am 64 now and that was only two years ago. I haven't spoken to her since but the memories of what I did for her came back to me.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Personal development is empowering! The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself. . The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma by Dr Gabor Mate The Language Of Emotions - Dr Gabor Mate The Myth Of Normal - Dr Gabor Mate Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin ( attachment styles) Attached by Amir Levine ( attachment styles) The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Imago I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson. Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay❤️

[@Dbellerive22605]

@@millertas same to you ♥️. It’s very haunting. It’s hard to move past it. I wish you nothing but the very best 🥰🥰

[@SofiaViviEnDo]

44. Narcissist mom and sister, first husband (10yrs married), a toxic second partner (15 yrs) and now, going no contact with my bf (2,5 yrs). I just realized what a narcissist is and, how much I had been silenced. Tonight, I was angry, journaling and I wrote MY FEELINGS NEEDS AND WHAT I THINK MATTERS, I MATTER! Today I watched this video, by chance. Yes, I am healing. It is difficult, but it is never too late.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

❤❤❤

[@ILC6476]

The last thing that my ex said to me after 27 years of marriage was “ everyone will find out who you are and you will be alone”. And he was right. Alone by choice because apparently where there are 2 there are 20 and my life was filled with these types of people. One by one I have let them go, friends, family and it was rough. With the guidance of a fantastic therapist and 5.5 years of intense therapy I am building the life I want, that I deserve and I have a handful of people who love and support me. There are some tough days but I’ll take one tough day over continuing abuse that was my life for 57 years. So thankful that there are people out there that dedicate there careers to the empowerment of silenced and invisible people.

[@shar731]

My Mother said something similar to what your ex-husband said to you when I shared with her I was divorcing. “D… is successful, handsome and intelligent; he will marry again and you probably never will! “ I could have written your message! Everything you write is almost identical to my life.

[@dnk4559]

I have had to do the same. Ten years out of my marriage to my ex I’ve realized my life is beautiful and full now while I continue to process the pain of the mentally ill and narcissistic parents’ legacy that caused me to choose to marry someone like my ex. Even my siblings have shown themselves to be people that want to continue the scapegoating our parents started. I realize now I’m the one who is truly free from the toxic family system we were brought up in.

[@Ksahdia]

This was my entire childhood. My opinions never mattered for my (southasian) parents, they were either unwanted or unimportant. Not even when they decided to marry me off (just 18 to someone I didn't even like). My opinions were never allowed in marriage either. Many terrible experiences and 2 children later, I was in a shelter place for women. I was shocked: they were interested in my opinions and in me as a person! Some even followed my advice and later came back to tell me it helped. I had no idea that my opinions and advice were allowed to be heard and could be meaningful for anyone. I was 23 years old and only now starting to find out, I was allowed to be and to be heard. This gave me more self confidence.

[@lckendel1079]

I was so touched by your comment. I’m so glad you found your voice.

[@Ksahdia]

@@lckendel1079 Thank you so much

[@faithl4105]

❤

[@markinnes2064]

I admire your bravery in sharing this. I'm sure your opinions are wise and considerate. I suspect that finding your self-respect, respecting the voice of others who deserve respect, will find you being respected by those you rightly value. I wish you well in your journey

[@microdosenyc4515]

My sister died from ovarian cancer at 44. I have no doubt that it was years of being silenced and subjugated by my mother took its toll. My mother is a horrible creature… toxic stress kills.

[@Daysleeper1000]

I believe you're 💯 correct. So sorry for your loss. 😢

[@pauldee1577]

I have been silenced by an abusive mother for as long as I allowed her in my life. I cut her out at age 30, when I got thyroid cancer despite having no history of the disease in my family. I can't prove it, but I have a suspicion the cancer I got was from the constant toxic stress and silencing myself to keep a set of parents. That same mother was cut off for screaming at me for not consenting to being used as a flying monkey to harass my brother on her behalf, as I was recovering from cancer surgery eating only through a feeding tube. That was the moment when I knew that deleting my mother from my life was the only way I could heal from cancer--but even as I am cancer free now, I understand there's so much more I need to heal from, and I need her gone to heal from all of that, too.

[@sharynmain2432]

I feel sad for your lost. Sadly both my older sisters were my first introduction to unhealthy people . One a more overt type and the other being a very self destruction wild child. Being the youngest I almost feel like I was more an only child with the means of trying to live with them and manage their emotions, as I was the youngest. As for this behaviour within a mother especially I can imagine it can break your psyche if left unchecked. You can not understand these types of personalities, you can only do your upmost to unclench yourself from their grasp. Take care.

[@libbysimpson9127]

Totally understand you. My Mother is Demonic,literally. I have no sorrow, no affectionate love and Zero respect for her. I pity her and try to help her, but I do not let her rule me anymore. Everyone knows the liar she is and some have apologized to me for not believing me for knowing the real her. I’m a relatively peaceful person. I make friends easily and I keep my friends. My mother has never had any true friends. You choose good things, choose to seek peaceful happiness, not just just temporary. I’m more calm than I have ever been and I’m 58. GOD BLESS YOU and Keep you Always 😊 🙏🏽

[@annmarieknapp]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@joolst1149]

Being silenced & negated by a narcissist makes you feel like a ghost. It's diabolical.

[@norma9134]

So true. I'm a Black woman living in Canada and had 2 narcissistic parents. The toll of trying to survive both has almost crushed me completely

[@kw3113]

Yes! I hear you and feel your pain. Narc mom and sister and enabling father has taken its toll in mental illness and neurological disease. But!! Hold on you can be whole. It’s never too late to start the healing process I’m 59 and just went no contact a month ago.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Hugs from Australia 🇦🇺

[@cc1k435]

Physical illness as well. Autoimmune diseases are often triggered by ongoing abuse. The body really does keep score. 😢

[@ZenZone-li4fr]

We are powerful healers. It's all within you. 💜 You're stronger than you know.

[@jerryholbrook13]

Awwh I'm sorry. Give your life to Christ he will deliver,save & heal you. Cut the narc off if possible. You can't be there punching bag in anyway

[@LadyK-j4u]

I was just crying thinking about how im constantly silenced by all the narcassists I have encountered in my life..my family my ex partner. I was feeling so depressed today and then this video came up. Thankyou

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

The toll is a blessing in disguise. Eventually, you get rid of the intrinsic human need for validation, and then you can truly be yourself. edit: personally, I love to write, and I'm pretty sure being silenced for decades has a lot to do with that.

[@aynilaa]

I grew up with narcissists and have been silenced my whole life. It has messed me up and when I told a therapist about it, I got invalidated again. But your educational content has helped me so much!

[@Amanda-nc2yk]

That’s awful. Not all ‘therapist’ care or are healthy individuals themselves. Sadly, There are some sickos that become therapists just so they can screw with people and abuse people. :(

[@ranc1977]

Most therapist are instructed by CBT to Moral Relativism. That is because when we actually start to label someone as toxic - this can make toxic person permanently toxic. Any person needs safety and security and acceptance in order to be healthy, by society and by ourselves. So the system, medical system will never be our companion. They, CBT and DSM, does not see us as people. We are simply a mass, a sheep that must be guided to farm and milk us until we croak. The idea that we find a voice and actually start to separate ourselves from bad sheep - does not work well in capitalism nor socialism - because it polarizes society. So we will never ever receive validation and acceptance from the most therapists. This is something we are left on our own devices - that we do not depend on therapist to be validated and told that we are correct. Therapist cannot go to every court session and testify that your narcissistic partner was abusive. So we live in abuser-centered society where toxic people are protected and worshiped as competent - since they go into risks without thinking twice about it, nor they are neurotic and hesitant. Capitalist and socialist systems are built on progress and society that is greedy and where individual is good only if shows traits of leader, someone who is not afraid of making criminal actions. Society is deeply sick and most therapists are product of such society. In reality, Dunning Krueger shows us that people who appear "strong" and loud and charmful and boastful and arrogant - are the least competent. This means that such people in leadership roles will create damage to society and planet - as we see in climate changes.

[@Dbb27]

Time to find a new therapist!

[@hailey8941]

Same. I’ve had two therapists do this. I can’t trust them anymore either after that.

[@juditheastbrook8198]

I too have been invalidated and silenced by therapists who could not hear my story.

[@cathy9485]

I was always told by my mother that no one wants to hear what you have to say. This has followed me into my adult life where I know there were times I needed to say something such as offers of condolence or expressing gratitude but I felt like if I did I would be seen as loud and pretentious.

[@Gneiss365]

I got "no one cares what you think" in a bitchy teenager tone SO often from a co-worker, I wrote it on a card and held it up when I expected her to say it. She didn't think it was funny. That was probably her just projecting her insecurity onto me, but it didn't stop her taking credit for my ideas or work.

[@demigaines5644]

I Experienced Severe Mental Health Conditions Such As Anxiety Disorder Depression PTSD Narcissitic Abuse Syndrome And Physical Health Conditions I Was Silent For Over 5 Yrs Tollerating The Narcissits Cruel MANIPULATION Silent Treatments GASLIGHTING. Narcissitic Abuse is Brutal.

[@mr.makedonija2627]

BRUTAL!

[@lauramytunes]

Is narcissistic abuse syndrome recognized by doctors and psychiatrist and psychological professionals? Never heard of it. I am sorry you went through that❤ i relate

[@tracyking5945]

When my narcissistic partner cheated on me, he took away my personal power in the relationship. He essentially silenced me by showing me that I was no more important than anyone else.

[@snicksabea]

You’re important.

[@mary-anncarleton7578]

After being straggled by an ex boyfriend I was literally silenced. One of the most empowering things we may do after learning to speak again, is to keep speaking no matter what. Find a singing coach, a voice coach on line if need be, keep speaking. The throat chakra is asking us to speak up and out at every turn. To find the voice is to find self. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@genevalawrence801]

This struck a chord with me. When I was still stuck with my narcissistic spouse, knowing I needed out but lacking a way to safely get out, I started singing. I'd sing to my kids, sing as I worked, sing to let emotions out when there was no other safe way to do so. Looking back, I think it helped me hold onto pieces of myself until I could finally get free. I hope that you're continuing to heal, and have been able to reclaim your voice.

[@barbaraburbey7654]

❤❤❤

[@flamingsword777]

​@@genevalawrence801wow! You and the OP just literally voiced what I experienced in my 25 years of marriage. I developed thyroid cancer and it almost killed me twice at the age of 38, but I was guided by Spirit Who told me what was happening and how I got sick in the first place. He left me alone in the hospital overnight and then left me for a week when I came home so I left with less than 200 dollars and never looked back a few years later. Now I am truly healing and doing great and hope y'all are too. God bless the both of y'all!

[@Ma-Says]

I was silenced by my narcissistic spouse telling me I had problems communicating. I was ashamed that I couldn’t communicate my thoughts and feelings. After my therapist told me that I had no issues communicating, I could speak clearly and effectively with her, I slowly realized I couldn’t communicate with my spouse. It wasn’t me, it was them! I’m 9 months into learning to trust myself, speak up for myself, identify the gaslighting, and live in my freedom. It’s amazing and it’s through videos like these and lots or hard work that I was freed! ❤❤❤

[@amberinthemist7912]

My parents do this. The most basic form of gaslighting. You will communicate your feelings and boundaries clearly and they will tell you they can't understand you. That you are literally speaking nonsense. But you won't have similar problems with other people. Which is why they isolate you. Dinner with my parents is like going to the Mad Hatter's tea party.

[@anxylum]

My ex said the same thing. 😔

[@wms72]

A Carol Burnett "Mama" skit showed this silencing, when Carol's brother returned home and tried to tell everyone about the Pulitzer prize winning book he had written, but everyone got up to look out the front door at a dog doing its business onthe lawn.

[@margaretgrace5902]

This spoke directly to my heart. I was silenced, then I learned to silence myself to avoid rage and shaming. The toll was a constantly “on the alert” nervous system that affected my physical and emotional health via the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. Your point about a narcissistic person not merely being an a-hole, but seeing me as an extension of himself to be silenced if not being in harmony with his thoughts of the moment was enlightening. So much happier when I finally learned the narcissistic pattern and left. Thank you for all you do to shed light on this personality style.

[@msladya9869]

I too had a very similar experience with my narc ex-husband. I didn't realize that I would silence myself just to avoid his rage and anger. I would go into silence mode without even thinking about it. Once it almost cost us our lives. He was driving on the interstate and didn't check his blind spot. I knew he was going to change lanes and I didn't speak up even though I saw the vehicle on my side. Why didn't I speak up? Because he would get very angry and nasty whenever I tried to be helpful. He would say things like, I don't need you to tell me how to drive or what to do. Thankfully we barely avoided a nasty collision that would have killed us when he swerved. He would intentionally go the long route if I told him about a shorter route to a destination. He would get annoyed or even angry if I pointed to an empty parking space in a parking lot. Would keep driving to find one himself. What a normal person would see and appreciate as help, he saw as a threat to his manhood. With narcissists, everything is just bizarre or just down right crazy.

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

@@msladya9869 'with narcs everything is just bizarre or just down right crazy'!!!! 💯on point!!

[@natthebratster]

​@@msladya9869it never ceases to amaze me how these Narcs love to weaponize their vehicles. Everything from "Ill pick you up and bring you back" (they control your arrival and departure/no escaping) to driving wrecklessly or dangerously to terrorize their target. Mine blew several tires hitting large boulders and curbs, sheered the side view mirror off in a tunnel trying to frighten me and almost decapitated both of us when he underestimated breaking distance (that one actually scared the sh!t out of him and he knocked if off for a few months) These people are so incredibly dangerous.

[@PhyllisBoone-sn8oi]

I know that feeling. Always walking on eggshells. Never knew when one would break and cause an explosion. I developed Systemic Lupus Eryethematosis at 14...

[@CG63_CarbFree]

Being silenced as a child affected my ability to stand up for myself in college, most notably when I had to speak in language classes (for example). When my professor told me “wrong” in how I said something in Spanish, I got to the point where I simply couldn’t speak for fear of hearing that word - “wrong”. I also failed to stand up for myself when it came time to speak with the college professors about my pre-medical plans at the end of the first year. I allowed myself to be run over and told “you won’t make it.” Oh, how I wish I could have talked to them with some semblance of the confidence I am starting to have now. My whole life would have been different.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I have been silenced for most of my life by my narcissistic family members and then multiple narcissistic others who were surrounding me. Once I started speaking up, or rather writing comments on KZbin my healing journey slowly started and it’s been going on for years now. I thank God for the internet channels like yours dr Ramani ❤ you have saved my life ❤ God bless you❤

[@whatsgoingon7605]

I just realized in therapy I had a covert narcissistic parent. I had believed all along they were the greatest person. Suddenly I realized they weren’t. It was freeing. I had no clue that all along, the parent was invalidating and silencing me. The truth really does set you free.

[@christineplaton3048]

Get this. I thought he was a spiritual giant. I thought he was spiritually higher ...well trained. I thought I had to be silent, to learn from him, to please him yes and have a better marriage. The church cult taught us self negation, and one of his cruelties became constant, chronic negation. No. Was always the reply to any request. My needs in all things went unmet. Even speaking. Thanks for validating my journey.

[@carolbythesea]

Yes, I can relate. Thanks for posting.

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

let's not forget "what you feel doesn't matter either". or all the good you do or things you overcome, just doesn't matter to anyone....so I left everyone 😞

[@kms3063]

Not being a “ doormat” is very difficult to unravel and put into practice being a advocate for your self

[@msladya9869]

My narc ex-husband tried his best to silence me but it was a losing battle. I didn't speak up against everything he did but I spoke up when necessary. I had to choose my battles with that man. Ultimately my options were, sacrifice myself, stay silent and not have an opinion so that I could be with him or he would leave. He filed for divorce and was gone never to be heard again or seen since. I've been living in peace and serenity since.

[@Lilbirdy-ur6uf]

I have been silenced my entire life. This one really hit home for me.

[@lou1880]

When you are raised by a narcissistic parent, you don't quite conceptualize the idea of being silenced as your whole reality is based around psychologically serving someone else. All I knew was that I never felt comfortable around my mom. Now in my 50s, I'm only now slowly unpacking all this.

[@susanthomson3861]

Me too ❤

[@missjannd]

It's my father for me.

[@LoveDancingLoveSinging]

Being silenced by my narcisistic father for many many years and now finally as an adult I am telling my truth that what I endured from him as a child was totally not ok. It's confronting to see how many years it takes to finally take a stand and leave the nonsense with him instead of letting it eat on my own self-worth..

[@dawnvickerstaff]

My mother insisted I leave my family home at the age of 18. She didn't want another 'woman' in the house because she needed to be the only one. She didn't mind having sons but for some reason having a daughter was just not acceptable. I left at 17. I survived there by staying silent. It took me years and years of therapy and work to understand who I was and to no longer question my reality or what I was feeling. I used to envy other people who could simply react with honesty and integrity, honoring their feelings. I didn't even know for certain what my feelings were. 'How do I feel about this? Do I feel this or do I feel that?' was a constant internal dialog. I can say now that I don't question myself so much anymore but I am still not as spontaneous as others. Something halts me... and then I can react. I think it is the last ghostly vestige of my narcissistic mother.

[@curtsstoesz9030]

It has been 1 year of seperation and divorce from my narc wife of 36 years. Counceling, making art, deep spiritual dive later, my IBS is under control. I am still hard on myself, but am learning more about self care and self forgiveness. Discovering my true self and confidence. I have zero tolerance for difficult people, and will probably never date again, but not everyone is toxic and the world isnt as scary as was once thought.

[@braingamesballsortgame718]

ZERO TOLERANCE TO NOT ONLY NARCISSISTS BUT TO ALL OF MANIPULATING PEOPLE🙅🙅

[@caroleminke6116]

❤️‍🩹❤❣️

[@annewhitney8809]

I got the courage to go after 29 years and the last thing I heard was…but now I won’t be able to retire. I was convinced I couldn’t survive on my own and it was tough at first. I went on a few dates but realized quickly that I wasn’t interested in romance. I have friends,hobbies and my sanity. Life is good.

[@zaviahopethomas-woundedsou9848]

The families are not only content that the victims remain silent, they are content that they are continually abused! They are partners in the abuse. I walked away from my family over 7 years ago after one family reunion where I confronted the malignant covert narc. No one ever asked me what happened or even contacted me after I left. It spoke volumes!!!!! I went through 3.5 years of incredible grief, it was so hard, but now, I am so glad I did! My life is much better now.

[@riel4553]

Just this morning I was thinking that I only know a few people that do not cut me off while I'm talking. Narcs use me as a prompt, they take whatever I mention and go into a long monologue about something slightly related. That´s the most passive interaction, lots of narcs have told me directly to STFU and walk away when they're done yelling. And then complain that I don't socialize with them.

[@sayresrudy2644]

birth parents vanished, adoptive parents then silenced & ignored me; 2 narc relationships as an adult: “you don’t matter.” it’s intense if you never experienced anything *but* silence. now i go weeks without speaking at all. lovely & sensitive video, thx.

[@thriveinlife]

Same.

[@karenwill4825]

Same, my heart goes out to you. Adoptive parents, bio parents, and full siblings all wanted me to keep quiet, invalidated me, and minimized my experiences to the point I developed c-ptsd. I only have space in my life for *my* family that is made up of people who want to who hear and support me.

[@sayresrudy2644]

@@karenwill4825 that makes me so sad, i’m sorry. i’ve tried to write about how fragmenting & isolating adoption is, relative to other minority experiences. we are not as alone as we feel…maybe? thank you for sharing this.

[@girlyghoul]

Same. I never knew my bio parents and got adopted into a family with really dysfunctional narc/ codependent dynamics. I was an easy scapegoat because I wasn't "real" family and my opinions or feelings were either "wrong" or "didn't matter". Took a long time for me to find a new family of friends who actually accept me whether I share their DNA or not. (And really, I don't think the DNA was the problem. It was the generational Narcissism already built into that family). But keeping silent and feeling I didn't matter made me vulnerable to more Narc abuse- that's why it took so long to finally find my "new family"

[@LeoOrlando-yd2ut]

Years ago, I started having severe panic attacks. I don’t believe it was a coincidence they started with my thoracic muscles tightening up. I wasn’t expressing myself and held so much in.

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

There's an even bigger psychological toll on the child of a narcissistic parent. "Silenced " and "negated" was my entire life, from early childhood. Bad things would happen to me, I was molested by a sibling, was beaten up and bullied at school. Yet I never told my parents - who I had learned to flee from.

[@VintageQuirky-ql4hc]

I was raised by a charming narcissist father and linguistically gifted narcissist mother. The phrase "never getting a word in edgewise" was my life. I put up with too much for too long but eventually an event propelled me into moving out and starting to read books on boundaries, trauma etc. I never really connected my lack of motivation for self care with being stifled so long. Thank you.

[@izawaniek2568]

Spot on dr Ramani. Narcisistic relationships are all about subjugation, and being of service to them as an enmeshed part of them and the victims are denied right to be our authentic selves. We were silence and negated and the hardest part of healing is to unsilence ourselves and to start being a person who matters!

[@V8RSWGN]

After being silenced within my relationship with my narcisstic ex, I feel the worst part was being silenced even more after my relationship. Trying to lean on friends and family for support only to be further silenced by not being believed or told to "get over it" or "it's just a breakup", just further perpetuated me retreating back into myself and becoming even more of a shell of a person I once was. It really takes a toll on your health, both mentally and physically

[@suehicks-hq4ed]

I’ve experienced the same things for friends and family members I just tell me you have to move on and you have to get over him! It’s so exhausting to try to explain my experiences with them.

[@stixsta6007]

Bombshell moment! Been silenced over a dark family secret since childhood. My sister was the scapegoat and broke contact years ago. We have just reconnected and the realisation of what's been going on in our family is truly devastating. I now see how we're all being manipulated in such a twisted and vile fashion. The impact on both our physical and mental health has been significant. I'm not yet out of mothers grip but the awakening has literally blown my mind! On reflection she has no idea we've been talking, the rage is going to be hellish when she does, but I don't think I can keep anymore secrets as its making me ill. Fortunately my work has booked me counselling, fingers crossed I can figure it out. The irony is I work with Families with multiple and complex needs and my own is probably one of the most destructive and dysfunctional going! Taken me to my 50's to recognise this but forsee a rage dismissal down the line as I'm truly tired of the malicious intent of it all. My thoughts go out to everyone who is in the grip still.. 💪

[@kkryz]

Stress depletes our magnesium so maybe that could be part of what leads to inflammation and various health issues

[@kkryz]

Anyone with chronic stress may excrete it too much... vicious cycle. It can feel good to get magnesium though.

[@kittywitty6507]

Funny you should say that, I ran out of my magnesium tablets last week and noticed depression creeping in again.

[@kkryz]

@@kittywitty6507 ❤ your notification reminded me to take it

[@carolbythesea]

The courtship was a wonderful time of him listening and connecting with me. The day we married, everything changed. The silent treatments, getting angry whenever I tried to talk, express an emotion , need, desire or opinion. Then the insults and pushing me out of the way as he walks past. “How did a strong, smart, self assured woman end up married to that?”I often asked myself. Upon reflection, my mother wasn’t that bad but there was the attempts of silencing me as a child and later as an adult. Never believing me, or giving me the time to talk. I’m in the process of divorcing that narcissistic husband. I do matter. My needs, thoughts, opinions, dignity DO MATTER. The cruelest thing a person can do to another is to pretend a person, who is living with them, does not exist. I never could even imagine that level of cruelty. Narcissists are truly sub-human. I’m escaping from this hell.

[@magugayonela8978]

Am crying now when you talk about not expressing yourself inorder to avoid anger, loss of identity ,anxiety 😭 This has been my life. My sense of self has been ruined, hopelessness, loniness,depression. In other words you appease the person by silencing. Yhoo it's deep. Silencing in narcissism makes me sick to the heart, adrenaline rush, confusion, headaches, heartaches. Mnk.

[@caroleminke6116]

❤️‍🩹

[@bobspamail]

The body keeps score.

[@angelh4212]

Your mind may tolerate but your body keeps the score whether you realize it or not. It will eventually catch up to you in illness. I was perfectly healthy for a very long time and then it all caught up with me suddenly. I've been struggling to heal myself every since. She's 100% right!

[@katieanderson7847]

This video really struck a cord. I am 40 and a survivor of Narcissistic abuse. I actually remember the exact moment I silenced myself. I was at school, I’d tried to reach out and tell my teacher and I was raged at by my narcissistic mother after she was called in. From that moment I silenced myself and felt very much alone in a family that scapegoated me and bullied me.

[@susanthomson3861]

I told my Gran about my period pain as a teenager and she mentioned to my mum, I was raged at for sharing with my gran. So sad really

[@reesedaniel5835]

My teacher was also a narc and singled me out for abuse in front of entire class. Then I had to go home to a neglectful, ignoring narc mother who had outburst of rage if she didn't get her way, along with an alcoholic enabling father who was afraid of her. Fun times.

[@rm709]

“Children should be seen, and not heard”. This applied to far more than just speaking loudly in public or raising a valid personal concern, they used it as a mechanism to shut me up when I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings. It still resonates with me today, as my elderly Mother thinks that in my 30s, I should still be bowing to her every request. They will never allow you individuate; in their minds you are a perpetual child who needs them and must honor them regardless. As the relationship has broken down over my years of pushback, I can now see much more clearly, the behaviors and attitudes my parents instilled in me due to their parenting.

[@sandramcguire826]

I made myself very small. I kept quiet, when I did speak, it was with a meek quiet voice. I learned to laugh without making a sound. I felt like I was a burden to him and should feel ashamed. I joined the military thinking he would be proud, he accused me of being defiant. Took decades to learn to speak up. Took years to realise why I always kept men at arms link, that I was so afraid of being controlled. Still, at 47, learning to move FORWARD.

[@kdycruz]

After 40 years I discovered that living around narcissistic people have enormous effects on me. And healing is not that easy how other people think. Ruminations and trauma banding is there and I am trying learning how not be part of the circle anymore. Thank you so much Dr Ramani, blessings and peace to everyone! ✨🙏✨

[@jojospeechy4848]

Dr. Ramani, absolutely spot on. I've been silenced. I feel worthless, as though I don't exist. Being silenced is a powerful tool used by the narcissist.

[@sueg2658]

Why is so difficult for some of us to make online comments? Well some of us were raised by an abusive narcissist pounding it in our heads that “No one wants to hear what you have to say!! ”. We were conditioned to remain silent even to the detriment of our healing. Just saying, that was my experience.

[@lauriefavreau6959]

I've been silenced in my marriage for 45 yrs. I am just starting my healing. I just listened to the song I'm Sensitive by Jewel. I just started reading the book: The Empath's Survival Guide by Judith Orloff, MD yesterday. I am enough, I do Love❣️ I Thank all those working to bring healing to my brokenness. Everyone reading this, do today the things that give you Strength, and Peace

[@abowling5759]

♥️

[@Anonymous-wy5tk]

I spent my life trying to get my husband to see what he does. Water off a ducks back. “ I’m not a whiteboard . You can’t erase my thoughts!” “How is it that in all scenarios, I’m ultimately to blame?” After learning of how he hurt our daughter, I told him I wanted a divorce. His dismissive reply, “You don’t want a divorce.” Really? That was 23 years ago and I haven’t left. The hold has on me if scary. He took my life, my heart, and as dr. Ramini said, my very soul.,

[@abowling5759]

@@Anonymous-wy5tk I pray for someone to hear you and help you.

[@faithhopelove7777777]

I'm surrounded by them. My dog was poisoned & everyone would "feel" better to think I'm crazy than to face the fact there's a dog killer close by. It's disgusting but I see the narcissistic personalities because they're all the same. Selfish, living in denial, living in a fantasy land that the world is perfect in their minds. I've lived around them my entire life so there's patterns you can see in these personalities. I don't bother anyone & I'm nice to everyone but all these personalities expect me to bow down & do whatever they want & let them trample on my peace or else. They feed off of the drama even the ones that pretend to help or care. It's so strange how they can live this way & not even acknowledge reality.

[@jenn2712]

So sorry 💔

[@lt827]

I used to think of it as him ‘denying my reality’ but being silenced is a good way to describe it as well. You don’t want to disagree because you’re going to get backlash. This equals silencing.

[@wildhog2732]

When you've lived with a narcissist so long you can get them to go in circles with their robotic rehearsed emotional reactions and cliche sayings so many times, even within 1 small conversation/altercation lasting minutes lol. Its quite eye opening when you see how vacant they are

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

It is a devastating toll. I ended up sick as well. And where was he?? Worst pain ever comes from being involved with these people.

[@k.m.2625]

"Your true self is a funny thing. It wants to get out. It needs to get out. And if it is thwarted, we get sick." This is such an amazing, perfect, true statement! I want to put this quote on a coffee mug or something. Thank you!

[@CampsieCoaching-ow7vv]

This really hit the spot, especially the long term illness it creates. I had fibromyalgia for years, suffered from sore throats all my life, and eventually lost my voice completely, physically as well as psychologically. Recognising the impact of a narc mother and enmeshed family was the final and most important step in my reaching full recovery. I've now retrained as a trauma informed wellbeing coach to support others in recovery from chronic exhaustion, Fibromyalgia etc. I see the same story again and again. Healing from narcissistic abuse, and recovering from the chronic exhaustive illnesses it creates, is absolutely real. Bloody hard, but real. I've done it.

[@LordCutlerBeckett]

Experienced this first hand. You must have the same interests, opinions, desires, and thoughts of the narcissist in order to keep the peace. Any differences and you’re belittled, invalidated, ignored, laughed at, downright told your ideas or opinions are stupid. You learn to people please and walk on eggshells just to avoid their wrath or condescending attitude. Your own thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs, interests don’t matter to the narcissist unless they also belong to the narcissist. To the narcissist, everyone else is boring, dumb, and wrong. I had just recognized for the first time how silent the narcissistic abuse had made me. I was at a dinner party with some newish (known them for about a year) friends. They brought up very kindly that they wanted to learn more about me. I tend not to talk about myself or my interests and it’s out of a fear of being belittled, laughed at, judged, and invalidated like my narcissistic abuser would do. It’s a big realization that there are people out there who *do* want to hear about you and hear your opinions.

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

💯agree!

[@criticalmaz1609]

I actually started to feel as if I had a hand around my throat, and had trouble breathing sometimes. Even though I wasn't fully aware of this tactic, my nervous system sure was. I now call it Psychic Strangulation!

[@JawhnnyBoy]

Please speak more on how this changes your childhood, because this fundamentally explains me completely. Silenced, never having a say in anything and if I do I am purely isolated and alone

[@kimgillick2340]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I am 48 years old and just now trying to crawl out of such a dark place in my life. All this time believing that I am not worthy of being heard, being important. My body is so sick from the psychological toll. Wishing all of us on this path strength and hope.

[@Beanp2025]

Thank you for reminding us that we matter, our voices, thoughts, feelings, hopes, suffering, all matter.

[@insiteandawareness3500]

I was so confused as a child and I had no idea what healthy boundaries were so I allowed narcissistic people to trample over me for years. I have finally stopped allowing narcissistic people to stop stepping on me and I have set boundaries. I see the situations for what they really are and how to set boundaries to protect myself from abuse. I have general anxiety disorder and chronic hip pain from the past abuse. It's terrible 😔 Thank you Dr.Ramani ❤

[@beverlyadams7205]

When I was trying to recover from my narcissistic older daughter, my younger daughter asked me not to post anything on Facebook. “Why do we need to tell everyone what’s going on in our family?“ She never expressed any happiness that I had finally figured out what was going on With narcissist abuse. I began to realize that she, too, was a narcissist. My posts on Facebook had been videos from Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter. I never mentioned that I was dealing with a family member. I wanted to get the information out to anyone else who might be suffering from abuse. Realizing both my daughters are narcissist was unbelievably hard. I will probably be spending future holidays alone because I refuse to be abused anymore. Big hug to anyone out there who is going through this.

[@carolajohnson1609]

Remember narcissist always think whatever you say, do or post is about them!

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@carolajohnson1609 true. I’m tired of thinking of their feelings first. My voice is strong and true. Posting these videos might help someone break out of the cycle of abuse.

[@lc4972]

I have a narcopath oldest son. The dynamic of having a grown child that's toxic is often overlooked as the main focus is on parents and spouses. I've suffered much as he has cut me off from my grandkids and has excluded me from many events that most grandparents are welcomed to. He states he has no interest in having a better relationship with me and doesn't care at all how I feel. My oldest granddaughter at 12 is very wise as she has told me that she knows he doesn't care about anyone's feelings. She has learned to silence herself and fake things to survive. I've been able to see her because she had a different mom and her grandma on that side sets up visits for us. I'm thankful. But the youngest 2 granddaughters I won't be able to have a relationship with or see because his current wife joins him in his exclusion and mockery of me. I've come to sadly hear that they are told that I don't care about them. Which is a lie. But they are manipulative and have that whole side of the family believing it. Very sad indeed.

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@lc4972 I am so sorry that you were going through this. Family dynamic is so crushing. I am with you in spirit.

[@wisegentle7859]

Thank you Dr. Ramani...as again you express the 'hell" of being hated by a narcissist. They despise you but won't let you go.

[@eq2092]

Wow, I can so relate. As a child i was into Musical Theater and my parents expected I would pursue a career as an actor. As an adolescent I made a different decision I wanted a more technical career. Both my parents fought me, my mother harder than my father, with my mother actively trying to sabotage me. To gain independence and not be homeless i joined the military which they both hated. Even now 30-years later when i have proven to be very successful in life they still lament that I'm not an actor. They are both very good at invalidating that last 30-years of the literal blood, sweat and tears I shed to build a great life, with no help from them I might add.

[@sushmayen]

While dealing with them we lose our emotions along with energy. I lost my ability to feel any sadness, happiness ,anger ,bitterness or pain just felt dead inside.

[@teresagomez2109]

My dad was a narcissist. Abused my mom and the ten of us kids. We were silenced. We had no voice. I ended up with so many narcissistic men in my life. Even the friends that i chose silenced me. I'm just now healing my heart and breaking free. Thank you so much for this video.❤❤❤❤

[@carolgonzales4262]

Dr. Ramani, omg you are so spot on on this. I'm 66 and have been silenced my whole life. Growing up and married 50 yrs to a narc. I am just now learning to find my voice. It's difficult still. Thank you for this information ... it's another light bulb moment for me.

[@stephaniepedersen6051]

I just happened upon this video and, wow, I am speechless. I grew up with a stepparent who constantly silenced me…shamed me for my beliefs unless they were like his, was an emotional bully. I got out of the house right after high school because I couldn’t take it anymore. Six years later I married a man who I thought was my “savior” but who ended up constantly trying to push his beliefs on me and treating me like a child when I didn’t agree with him. I gave up on friends and a social life because he thought I should always be home when he was home. I completely lost myself and stopped doing the things I loved because they made him angry. After 28 years of marriage I got up the nerve to leave. I never even considered the idea that I was “silenced” by them, but this information has given me a lot to think about. Kinda grateful for my insomnia tonight that led me to watch KZbin. Late night epiphany ftw. 🤯

[@suzannebell51]

Yes, being silenced is one of the most hurtful and demoralising aspects of narc abuse and it takes a toll on your physical and mental health- I developed long term chronic fatigue syndrome. Now that I’m out of the relationship I can feel my health slowly improving

[@Hawaiiansky11]

You touched on something that another channel spoke of: identity development. When a person grows up in a narcissistic home, not only does their family invalidate them, but they are surrounded by friends and partners who do the same. I'm sure others can relate; my narc mother literally forced me into relationships and friendships I didn't want, while forcing me out of those I did. Therefore, over time, I had no one left to "reality-test" or "sanity-check" the narcissist's viewpoints. A child's identity then, instead of developing through learning life lessons, friendships, dating, experiences, etc., becomes 'developed' based on the lies that are being told to them. And oftentimes, a narcissist's "rules" and "core values (they have none)" change with the winds, so one day your goal in life is to become a good wife to a man, the next day it's to go out and get a career, the next it's to sit down, shut up and do as you're told. It's no wonder that at age 53, I'm still trying to make sense of things that made no sense! It's like I keep cycling back to "Who was telling me the truth and who was lying? Were they all lying? How do I know what to believe??" then I remember that the narcissist and her minions had told so many lies. If you tell a million lies, what's to keep you from telling a million and one? And I recall that one person they made into a villain was the one person who made me feel safe, valuable and worthy of love. He was imperfect, as we all are, but who should I trust? The people who beat me, tortured me with a cattle prod, ridiculed me, put me down, shamed me, made me feel like a worthless piece of garbage, or the person who made me feel like I had value and worth?? The person who made me believe I was beautiful, special, and loved? At some point, I'm going to have to make peace with the unknown. I will have to somehow be okay with not knowing the whole truth about the situation. I will forgive myself, and other unwitting folks who were manipulated into acting out, so the narc could say, "See what a terrible person he / she is! I told you they would eventually turn on you!" I feel like I'm getting closer to that day, but recovery and healing is not a linear process!!