The Psychology of Validation Starved Women

[@CoolBreiz]

As a black woman ,who gets asked if I’m mixed quite often, I can relate as well. Me having a healthy self-esteem and not putting myself down made me a target for ppl who don’t think highly of themselves. They think that because I’m dark skin I have to hate myself like they do.

[@mellymel111]

Thissssss!!! 💯

[@s.mclovin800]

As someone with the same mixture as Justine skye, I grew up with a lot of hate from both black and mixed women who didn't have "mixed" features, having two black parents with the features and the hair type that I have a lot of girls who were mixed with white especially felt like I was "undeserving" of the features that I have simply because I am dark skin black girl with mixed ancestry, even if some of the mixed girls had type 3 hair or the ideal "good hair" they just couldn't believe that I as a black women had features they wish they had or had, It came across as shaking to their ego, they couldn't call me ugly or "nappy headed" so just hated me and a lot of black girls hated me for having the hair and features they wish they had

[@s.mclovin800]

@@leachanel1204 haha thank u

[@divinebeaute]

This was so validating. They act the same as non-black woc who try to humble us with anti-blackness

[@missmack2328]

Same!!! They felt like because they were moree mixed they should have the features that I have. Or the afro latin ones who didn’t identify as black felt like I shouldn’t be lighter than them with 3c/4a hair.

[@naturallybecoming831]

You keep calling me out 😅😅 I realize because of my own insecurities that I had the inferior mindset so I’m kind of understanding what’s been bothering me. It’s not directed to anyone specific but it’s been a general feeling because I don’t like where I’m at in my life and I’m constantly comparing different things. So this has been helpful for me to really look at how I’ve been feeling like a victim and putting myself down

[@ExoticalsUnited]

😂 no worries, my other video is about ME having an inferiority complex and how I overcame it. I have more videos coming out like this soon, I’m gonna make it into a series

[@ThePrettiestCommenter]

Admitting this is major growth sis!!!! I’m praying that you will be an overcomer in this❤ You’re already halfway there!

[@naturallybecoming831]

@@ExoticalsUnited lookin forward to it each one helps me feel more and more confident ❤️

[@naturallybecoming831]

@@ThePrettiestCommenter thanks so much for the kind words I’m feeling like I can let it go it’s very clarifying ❤️

[@TheExoticBrownSkin]

You spoke to my soul and my core experiences dealing with narcissists as an exotical.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

omg yes! love your channel btw you're killing it! keep getting that exotical TAAAAX! 🤑

[@Exoticbarbie.]

This channel is totally a source of validation for us exoticals 🎉

[@ernestinewilson6209]

Yep 😉

[@dclarke1896]

It's sad how many of these toxic behaviors come from other women. Unambiguous black women are triangulated, aka pitted against exoticals constantly by narcissistic individuals. I've been told that I am less attractive due to my 4c hair and dark skin by trash men and women. Thank you for exposing this toxic behavior and promoting self-love! ❤

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Yes I’m tired of the bullsh!t. Thanks for watching sis ❤️

[@dclarke1896]

@@ExoticalsUnited 💯

[@laimmaculata777]

Have you ever read Nietzsche? His description of “slave morality” lines up with a lot of your critiques. Egalitarianism has created a society whereby being pretty, smart, good at something, or “great” in any way is seen as some kind of sin

[@6InchTruth]

I have a story time I would love to share on this channel regarding my experience with Egalitarianism in my former workplace.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Please email [e-mail]

[@6InchTruth]

@@ExoticalsUnited Thank you! Will definitely do so.🙏🏼

[@SlugSage]

Nietzsche is basically trying to make a moral argument for the mob to not string up the privileged.

[@alyssaleeexotical]

The Genealogy of Morality is a great book. A hard read, but great. I read it in college and it open my eyes to the social dynamics I was experiencing. The most eye opening part was the dichotomy between master and slave morals, how master morality is basically about power, while slave morality is basically about being opposite the master. My mind was blown when I read this.

[@aj.meso26]

I was ostracized in high school, undergrad, and graduate school at moments because I used to get a lot of attention from guys and being "lightskin" and having ambiguous features. Dark skin people reminded me of my lightskin. Newsflash, attention from the wrong types of guys is not fun. Your channel is way more understanding and validating than others I've visited (Chrissie...) Please keep this content up as you are in your OWN lane ⭐️

[@Iambellarayne]

Self awareness is FREEDOM. I have zero self worth subconsciously, its a symptom of my mental health. How that manifests is i just don't think about myself...im other focused so i like to do the most for others which is why i struggled with not being liked. Anyway I have to purposely do all the things and celebrate myself. I used to be sooo embarrassed by it because it makes me look desperate and naive. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what so i went to THERAPY. We all have stuff and it really sucks to be wrong and to face things tou need to change. Now im good on it. People aren't going to like me for these things and it is what it is. There are people who will like me for veing me and ive proved that by staying out of spaces where im not liked. Life is much better now.

[@Naturallynatural3]

Nothing but truth spoken here! We are all responsible for our own self-esteem and no one else. Putting down the looks of people who are adjacent to ones-self is madness!

[@PrettynBetween]

Good morning exoticals ☺️❤❤

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Good morning!🌞

[@yahainHotPink]

Good morning!

[@twigtansy5359]

Good morning ❤️

[@Zucchini-Foster]

Haylo beauty 💜💚💙

[@ernestinewilson6209]

Good Afternoon 😊

[@KMalcom-ut2sb]

I feel soo at home. Finding out "divesting" was a thing when I already dated men of all races and now finding peace in feeling pretty in front of those who do not wish me well and frankly wish to rob us of our joy, beauty, men, and opportunity. I am home!

[@reginakc]

I’m thankful for this channel bc I’m working on healing / shadow work and reprogramming my subconscious mind. I spent a lot of time consuming content from creators with this exact victim mentality (and narcissistic mentality) and I did adopt some of these mindsets due to this. However the first step in healing is admitting you have a problem. ❤❤❤

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Yes ! This is a great space that actually offers personal solutions to inferiority complexes

[@yahainHotPink]

Good morning EU. Thank you!

[@osunyeye]

Weird though…some ambiguous light skin women do this to other light skin mixed/mixed phenotype. Brown paper bag test entitlement exists too.

[@osunyeye]

When I was chosen for a fashion post over a lighter skin friend (just realizing this) she got so angry, and we weren’t as close anymore, she stopped being a friend, I always wondered what that was about. (I’m less mixed and was more passive about fashion)

[@PorshiaVonne]

24:46 Ayyyyy 🤗 I just touched on this topic too. Let’s go 💪🏾

[@maenad1231]

That amazing feeling EU uploads 4+ videos in a 24 hour period 😌

[@maenad1231]

24:25 we should keep in mind that the envy side is mainly focused on malicious envy (there’s two different types: malicious envy and benign envy) benign envy has overlapping traits with malicious envy but doesn’t share them all. It also involves more admiration, involves more introspection to analyze what you truly want/desire/need, and acts more as motivational state to improve one’s self rather than centering negative feelings against the other person. I haven’t experienced malicious envy in at least 7 or 8 years

[@Therealblasianbae]

This is my favorite KZbin channel. This space brings me so much peace and love. Thank you ❤

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Awww thank you 😍

[@503ashkatchem4]

I appreciate this safe space ❤️

[@user-he4lj5wl7w]

Thank you for creating this channel. Because it seems like the world 🌎 hates us sometimes. Especially those who love to use the word "preference."

[@KMalcom-ut2sb]

Subbing with both pages. Keep your voice loud and proud so more women can feel as good as I do right now

[@zzmybeloved]

i never even noticed this channel is for mixed chicks, im fully black and i still tune in💀

[@IndigenousExotical]

The victim mentality of being always at the bottom and last picked destroyed my self esteem. These are talking points my UADSB father taught me and told me that’s why i need to try harder and be better. It gave me a sense of pressure to be perfect and beyond excellent. After my parent’s divorced (late 00’s/early 2010’s), i used the internet for community and in the natural hair community, these same talking points came up. It then made me concerned and worried about finding at partner since my mom was divorced. My heart breaks for all the self esteem issues I should have never had. And worst yet, i would think “well, at least I’m half Black so maybe my life wont be so bad”. This shouldnt be the mindset of a young teen or even dismissing my own feelings or saying what i go thru isnt as bad as x,y, z 😢 What is funny though, my monoracial Black female family members DO NOT speak to their daughters like this! We do not need to bring up trauma and inferiority complexes to reaffirm anyone’s Blackness (mixed or not). They speak highly of their features and hair and intelligence and that they can do anything. Honestly, having those Black women in my family was important, at the time I felt like they were ignoring -isms but in hindsight, they were just always focused on building up themselves in confidence, education and connection with self and God. And that is why the Black women in my family were able to be successful, find partners and build strong families (not saying having a family is needed, it’s just how they lived their lives as followers of Christ).

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Omg can you make a video about your experience with your father? I would love to hear your story if you’re comfortable

[@IndigenousExotical]

@@ExoticalsUnited I am writing video ideas and categorizing which ones I am going to post publicly and others to post exclusively to a closed space (ie: discord). I will include this suggestion. In the process of coming up with video topics, I have realized there are A LOT of things I need to sit with a while before discussing. One if these things is admitting that I feel not truly representative of my cultures equally so I am changing part of my name to represent my Native heritage💕 It made my mom emotionally actually 😭 So this process is something I definitely will post about. I am super excited/anxious/challenged 😌😮‍💨

[@snehini]

can u make a video about how to gain validation in healthy ways please. thank you 💗

[@thegiftofgabby5581]

The sunglasses on the baby 🤣 great video as always! 😊

[@destinysmith6440]

I love your channel ❤

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Thanks !

[@Dashomin]

btw TLC’s chili son is married

[@osunyeye]

7:22 It’s power and inner beauty, and they’re trying to materialize or invalidate it.

[@angelface333]

great video 🎀💗

[@Well-beingCris..]

Definitely narcissistic traits

[@rachellebrown333]

They also are notorious for holding GRUDGES....victim mentality love to focus on the hurt yet ignore HEALING / NARCS live in cognitive distortion 24/7 blaming others or deflection is a DAILY RITUAL for those folks I remember Meg Stallion went viral saying BW are not protected....as she gains more money she looks more pretty compared to her early stuff - this video fits females like her & Nicki Minaj who has proven she is extremely male centered in her PRETTY PRIVILEGE she admitted having a$$ shots based on what male rappers liked incl Lil Wayne so Nicki changed herself ...her lyrics never reflect her true emotions THIS IS WHY I AINT A BARB NARKY MINAJ is often grumpy when other female rappers win instead of her, I wish she would stop with her VICTIM ishh as it's ruining her "brand"

[@nicolec8884]

I don't know if I belong here. I have two black parents but I get mistaken as an indian woman a lot (especially when I wear a wig or when I wear long fake hair). I have been asked if I was mixed and I was harassed by an overweight dark skin black woman for looking indian/south asian.

[@princessa719]

Wow I’m dark skinned but I’ve benefited from featurism my whole life but never realized it.

[@BiracialCircus]

🎉

[@mschoy1597]

Love you Biracial Circus!

[@colochossalvajes]

🎉🎉🎉❤

[@ThatgirlDD-j6s]

Heyyyyy

[@drebugsita]

While I agree with the message I just want to point out that the term "exoticals" plays into the Othering that we already are subject to. I get that you are potentially subverting it but I don't think that changes anything, I'd rather not play into that "exotic Other" framework at all.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

Then this isn’t the channel for you. I’m the creator and I can do what I want . If you prefer a different community or you dislike the terminology please feel free to build your own online space .

[@cynthiapickett7403]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🎯🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯💯

[@smalltv459]

🙌🏼🩵

[@ernestinewilson6209]

How are you Exoticals United , and my fellow beautiful Exoticals 💙 🩵 😎 👏

[@ExoticalsUnited]

hey! i'm good! i hope you're doing well!

[@luvjene7652]

Thank you for making me feel seen and inspired with your content, God bless you fr 🥹🙏🏽💗

[@PorshiaVonne]

My GOD I love your talking points 🥹 I’m gonna start using some of them on my other channel