The R Spot : S04E05 : Losing Ourselves in A Breakup

The R Spot - Season 4 - Episode 5
Losing Ourselves in A Breakup
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The R Spot episodes are where Iyanla shares messages, stories, and ideas to develop healthy relationships, and mend the ones that are broken. If you want to send Iyanla questions or share relationship issues; send correspondence below.
*THEME WRITTEN AND PERFORMED SONG BY NAVI DAVID*

[@dreamstitchers5490]

I wish she had a podcast.

[@berryjones1919]

I left my abusive husband November 11, 2012 ...I felt like a million dollars when I finally got the nerve to leave him. I lost who I was as a mother , a woman , a sister , a friend and most importantly a woman of God. I give all praise to my creator for giving me the strength to leave and to find myself all over again.

[@AVRILROOTS]

it is easier when looking at things and being truthful praise be to God #

[@garystallings3077]

STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! This is so huge. We Always use it as a place to vent and get others to validate us. After a breakup is such a bad time for it.

[@ST-yc7uj]

I am a very private,introverted person and I'd never overshare. Iyanla doesn't understand that it can also be a life saver for young people's lives...all those memes, pages, links...It starts with nasty ,bitter memes but it progresses to the nicer, hopeful ones untill it reaches fun and loving ones. In this journey , providing that you are a keen reader, you will find pathways to healing. Either through philosophy, eastern or western religions, gurus, preachers, psychologists, life coaches..they all 'advertise' themselves on social media, which is an awesome oppotunity if you ask me. Blessings can come from different sources, as long as you're willing to receive them,but so can the curses. Sharing your pain online and be opened for insensitive remarks is noth a path to healing,but it might be a path to understanding some things about the crowd surrounding you one day when you are finally healed.

[@stephanievanburen5037]

I actually deleted all of my social media since my breakup

[@1mochadelightable]

Just left a man 3 days B4 Xmas who was jealous, controlling, manipulative & possessive. I almost married him thank god I dodged that bullet! I seen the signs early. #SignsOfAbuse🚫

[@r.m5883]

Mocha Delight praaaaise the lotd

[@mscharris30]

Good for you hun.. THANK GOD FOR THAT BOMB PRESENT!! #GETOUTEARLYALIVE.. HAPPY FOR YOU& ALL THE GREAT THINGS COMING YOUR WAY IN 2018❤GOD BLESS YOU😘🙌🙏

[@1mochadelightable]

MsSwag Mom. Thank you😉 my birthday is New Years Eve as well so I am leaving all that crazy in 2017!

[@blubird311]

Mocha Delight, don't look back

[@amazingrace81]

Mocha Delight good for you! Unfortunately, i learned the hard way. 💔😥

[@leticiaderamus7923]

I lost myself but I’m finding her now

[@MegaMsLittle]

I remember feeling like this at the end of a 10 year marriage 10 years ago. I adjusted and learned to accept the gift of a "good" bye. That acceptance set me free and gave me a new lease on life!!! Be ye encouraged 🙏🏽💝✨

[@aharrison3022]

How long did it take you? 7 years married and 6.5 years together before that. I feel shocked and broken.

[@MegaMsLittle]

A Harrison My journey ....I would say it took me roughly right at a year. Especially, once I found out they’d been together the last 5 years of my marriage and had a 1 yo child together. The queen in me, inherently understood he’d betrayed me long before and all the in-clings from my intuition were spot on, although he reasoned them away. I listened and cried daily to the MJB Growing Pains CD (mostly on my home from work) until I found my strength, until I no longer cried. ‘Just Fine’ became my anthem, I decided to eat better, worked on my revenge body and got to living MY BEST LIFE! I concentrated on ME (no man was allowed during my rediscovery period). Of course, they’re in love, married, overweight, he had a child on her (KARMA) and they’re the epitome of “struggle love”. In the beginning, it hurts like a mf, but honey let ME tell YOOOU, let that raggedy ish go and watch how the tables will turn. Your healing is in your release of not wanting someone who doesn’t honor nor deserve you. It will get better as SOON as you LET IT GO! She who laughs last, laughs best! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#BELIEVETHAT #WINNING

[@aharrison3022]

@@MegaMsLittle ok thanks. I'm at the MJB not gone cry and the car scene of waiting to exhale stage😂 but day by day I feel myself getting better. Just really trying to work on emotional regulation and how to not let myself get so wrapped up like the last time

[@MegaMsLittle]

A Harrison Ask yourself what does self love look/feel like to you? I started treating myself very well - I looked good for me, I traveled to the next city or next continent ALONE, I kept promises to myself, went back to school, received 2 degrees with honors, etc. You have to learn to trust, honor, depend on you, stop lying to yourself about things and situations. Can’t nobody treat YOU better than YOU! Once you figure out what that’s all about, you WILL NOT accept anything less from anyone else. You won’t be afraid to walk away from less than what you will do for yourself. I know it’s fresh, it’s tough but so is staying in unhealthy relationships and mindsets. I was wounded too, but I’m on the other side of through! The more whole you become, the more whole the next will be, because like attracts like. I encourage you to query self love affirmation and recite until it’s a belief for you. Say them, write them, look in the mirror and talk to yourself, you better spend more concentrating on the reality you want!!! That’s how you keep from getting caught up 👏🏽 “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time” ~Maya Angelou

[@aharrison3022]

@@MegaMsLittle Whew, yes Mam. Great points I am going to try those things. I promised myself that I would start doing meditation and I am going to try to learn a second language. I am going to set goals for myself with dates beside them, I am going to start focusing on the things that have been on my to do list for years. Thank you for your encouragement

[@KenyaNicole]

Wow I got outOf a seven-year relationship it cut me like a knife but I knew it was god removing something

[@prettygirl_me4699]

I like the advice :don’t make any decisions about the future when you are going through a breakup

[@chuckie102883]

I SO NEEDED THIS! I’m going through this NOW. I gave so much of myself to someone and they left and i feel broken, destroyed, depressed and just lost. I have no joy. This video was so ON TIME. Especially today because this morning i saw online that this person was with another person intimately yesterday for Xmas. It was like a gut punch to my soul. But i need to move on now, it’s been three months since the breakdown of this relationship and I’m tired of being tired! I just pray i have the strength to do it. Knowing they are happy while I’m miserable is so painful but i have to use that as motivation to take back what i gave to them so freely. It’s just so hard because i still love and miss them but the feeling isn’t mutual.

[@mzjoneznyabonezkelly4714]

UniquelyMade I hope you get thru this. I know you will.

[@Queen_Kems]

You are not alone hope this prayer can help you: God Thank you for promising to sweep away the ashes of my past and give me something beautiful in their place.I choose to give them up to you and receive your healing and restoration in my life.In Jesus Name Amen

[@terryfisherman6387]

your going to be just fine, yes it hurts an it hurts for a long time how ever in time your going to get true .try very hard not to go on social media to look at this persons post it would only set you back. remember its not how you fall but how you rise.which i could say more that wold make you happy now but i cant.just take your time getting over that person an look after your self. someday my friend karma going to fix things an you would have a front seat to the movie.just work on your self betterment .

[@staceydiaz6535]

UniquelyMade I’m going through the same situation, blessings to you.

[@msmokaonehunnit5721]

Wow reading this gives me hope..im going thru this right now,the same exact things,i haven't even watched the video yet.

[@katinakyle824]

I just don't want to care anymore. The ache is brutal. Thank you for this video I will try.

[@AVRILROOTS]

if you were the good one you will #

[@Kiwiwanderer]

Omg she is just soooo brilliant. This truly is her life’s calling....expressing difficult complicated feelings, history , damage .....her wisdom, compassion, intellect, wit, humour, energy are magic ✨💫✨💫

[@vieradenise395]

iyanla this was for me in the now, and i dont have a wise elder to talk to me now so thank you

[@xxx0tiicdreamz665]

Thank you 🙏🏾 I needed to hear this, this morning.. This video is helping me so much that I promise to play this video everyday until it gets better. Pray for me, times right now are very hard. 😢

[@jwilliamcosby]

You're the best. I'm in this journey now. Thank you so much, Iyanla. I would adopt you as my honorary aunt.

[@stephanievanburen5037]

She spoke to my soul

[@AVRILROOTS]

me also #

[@eyezsosexi]

I hang on to your words as if it were my last breath... I so needed to hear this right now.

[@tiffanyjean2]

I know this is an old video, but I just found you and I so needed this!!! Thank you so much!! ❤️💔

[@ErickAmmo]

I going through the worst break up of my life. I'm 19. I'm scrolling through twitter, contemplating death and I see this. You're an angel Iyanla. You're and angel. You're an angel. I don't have any good advice like this and you really helped me. I'm still struggling of course but at least I have a catalyst for success now.

[@jellymilk806]

There are so many youtube videos out there that talk about this kind of thing, but NONE are as helpful as this. What a beautiful lesson! I will take every bit of it and use it. And omg your speaking and seeing you feels like a loving mom telling me what to do and supporting me. I have friends and a mom, but you talking to me in this video feels like a warm hug and coaching moment at the same time. I will watch this again. Thank you.

[@traciahenry4813]

This new look is Beautiful on you...

[@glittersparkle5148]

I'm very sad hearing truth. As I wipe my tears. I shall play this on repeat until it sink in. Chicago love

[@lokeyborders]

You look so pretty and youthful.😍Thank you for your love and honesty. It hurts at times to hear the truth from you but it's needed.... Thank you and keep it coming....

[@Ezarinah]

I ended a 7 year relationship on Christmas & now I really regret it because he doesn’t want to get back together. It’s really broken me up inside & this really helped. I still hope we will reconcile but I know I need to heal myself first before I make the same bad decision again.

[@5132581220]

I really needed to hear this thank you!!

[@coniemarie]

Needed this so much

[@catherinekabega2020]

Thank you so much Iyanla, this helps a lot

[@victoriabellanova2280]

Wow!!! This helps me so much. Thank you!!

[@ladyestyle5313]

Thank you for the reminder ... and voice!

[@makeupbyikra.x3717]

I loved this, just what I needed. Thank you iyanla x

[@sayniperez6997]

This was a great message Iyanla. Thank you!

[@sage8889]

Superb insight. Thank you!🎊

[@niaja1984]

Thank You For Sharing Your Wisdom!!! I really needed this : )

[@Btheobee]

That was an amaaaazing video!! Thank u Iyanla so 😘😘 much!!!

[@nanisatinrose7772]

Perfect timing, and for the New Year. Thank you. I needed this more than you know.

[@robynobeng8518]

Amazing... thank you so much I really needed to hear this today 😥

[@_bazzmuhammad]

This was timely and desperately needed. Thank you.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

Fantastic advice!!!! I'm learning so much from you!!!!

[@kathrynprotzko4264]

My favorite quote feels so appropriate for this video that I had to share it with you all after I too was recently in a LTR & abandoned, and never saw it coming. May it help you and heal you too as it does me everytime I think of it. " Let go or be dragged. " - Zen proverb

[@Alexis-bb7bz]

Thank you SO very much❤️ you are incredible

[@kylaj.4975]

This was so comforting, and much needed.

[@mpolanco510]

love this! thank you!

[@lulus704]

Wow so good. Love you Iyanla!

[@cathygorgeous6013]

I’m on this journey and I so appreciate this video and appreciate you more for sharing and given great advice.... thank you thank you thank you

[@bobbij7089]

I appreciate the R-spot so very much. Thank you for saving me time and time again.

[@sophiaburger6199]

very encouraging word thankyou.

[@mzjoneznyabonezkelly4714]

This is so great!!

[@jujubee90275]

Thank you Iyanla. I need to hear this

[@tisha7252]

I needed this today... I LOVE you.

[@Prayerful247]

I am so thankful for your ministry.

[@slolife14]

You’re hair and makeup 💄 are on point. Thank you for the message

[@DiogoF.]

My angel Iyanla, thank you. You always help me. Have a brilliant 2018!

[@anitak473]

👌🏽 u r AMAZING! I LOVE UR WISE WORDS! thank you 💖😘 love from the u.k❤

[@stephenn4591]

Thank you again True advice from someone who has gone through this same journey

[@davonte2498]

So motivating and inspiring, thank you so much!

[@sjmuhammad19]

Great video. I Love her insight.

[@pinkoctober6371]

You Always Help me. Thanks a bunch. I really need a Pick*Me*Up Lecture...

[@greenwillow5404]

Love you Iyanla! You're an angel. So needed to hear this right now. This is my very favorite of all your wonderful videos! Thank you so, so much!!! ❤️💕🙏💕

[@starseedlove3768]

Going thru a break up right now. 11years, its been 4 days since she left and it was for the best but it doesnt stop my heart from hurting or missing her. I just want the pain to stop but i know it takes time and your wisdom is very needed. Thank you,Namaste.

[@rgonko]

Thank you, Iyanla!!

[@malawianbutter]

I love you Iyanla ,Thank you ❤️

[@rimraoudi570]

Here's my feeling right now. I love you Iyanla and bless your heart for all this valuable advice.

[@breezegilbert7080]

Thank you for the amazing teachings you have been beautifully passing on to us. You have both helped and enlightened me in an immense way. I'm grateful to you, Iyanla. God bless you!

[@deborahhenry2511]

I love me some Iyanlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. She is A HEALER. Breakups can be jobs, friendships , and relationships.

[@kimdunham5972]

This helped me out so much today

[@ohhyeahthatangel]

My God! You are so awesome! Your words are on point!

[@thejamaicanhippie84]

This is amazing.. thank you.

[@Thessaloniaworsley]

You are helping me so much during this heart break . You remind me of my grandmother ,God rest her soul, who I wish was here to comfort me thru this. Thank you so much for your words.

[@krissyg9736]

Ms. IYANLA, I feel like you have channeled exactly what I'm going through right now!! I needed this message more than I could ever put in words. And also, I just have to say every single episode this season of the "R Spot" has been a message directly related to what is going on in my life. Thank you so very much. What I have learned this time, this devastating break-up is that I do NOT keep ANYTHING for myself when in a relationship, I really need to work on that and I will. Thank you so much, you are a Godsend to me.

[@mel00079]

Hi Iyanla, i wanna thank you for your videos so much. You help me understand me and my difficult relationship more. I feel like I’m getting strong again and finding myself. Merci

[@crystalbradley8254]

You look so beautiful. You are working this look. Thank you for this message.

[@justshayla8555]

Whewwwww I Love This video♥️🙏🏾

[@ivettegomez2662]

Thank you for this !! I've been in this journey for 9 months and I feel now as if I'm surfacing into a better me ! Love you 😘 you're amazing I truly believe I will do better next time I will keep myself whole 🤗❤️

[@fatimanjie4710]

Thank you sooo much.,..

[@nazzyv8748]

This was the most beautiful msg for myself.Thank You so much Miss Iyanla 🌸♥️ from South Africa

[@sofiamaia8735]

Always helpful! When you come to Portugal? I love you Iyanla

[@Angela-hd2ck]

This lovely lady is really helping me right now

[@ms.ajones7168]

Hi Ms. Iyanla!!!! I love how your son is always by your side🖤 I saw him in the clip☺ thank u for all that u do🤗🖤

[@moanataylor8089]

Thank you miss Iyanla. Just what I needed to hear at this exact moment. You may be far but you are so close to my heart right now. Love and light from New Zealand. XXX 🤗

[@tianaburns6561]

Life changing advice that i had to take notes on and will be following the advice. Regaining my self and my life, so addicted to Iyanla's videos best person to help me get myself back together. Thank God for Iyanla she has helped me and helped me on my new journey.

[@DrVenusOpalReese]

You look STUNNING!!!!

[@sugarandspice2136]

Dr. Venus she does!

[@azillialawrence9708]

Thank you, I feel a little better❤

[@miriama.percell572]

Now this hairstyle is so beautiful on you. It softens you...I love it! Thank you for your wisdom...

[@sexycharles4904]

Thank you so much Iyanla for all this helpful video that's help me pass through my recent breakup with this I am getting better each day👍👍👍

[@ucheok4562]

Thank you Iyanla.

[@mrscolumbo21]

Iyanla - your message arrived just at the right time! Thank you for your words of wisdom!

[@AVRILROOTS]

Blessedbe

[@NICOLE-sb5so]

Thank you..jusy what i needed the truth....

[@kendrapearson3688]

This came right on time!! I mean right. On. Time.

[@empresserica]

Thank you Iyanla. You have taught me well since we first me in the Stl in the 90s! Bless you. And how do you keep getting prettier and prettier?

[@ilzejoy9875]

You look radiant Miss Iyanla!!! I listen to absolutely all your advice whether its relevant to me or not just so that i can learn and share the links with my people. Big love!! And please come to South Africa for a tour soon too! ❤

[@c4411]

Love this woman

[@BeLmEcHeRy]

Mother, i left a ten years marriage and to cope from the lost, i let myself fall back into another mistake that was serving as a distraction from it all. Its now a year later and i am now starting to feel the pains , the emptinesses and the depression feelings are really kicking in. I truly love stumbling on this message today in which has once again brought light and comfort. Thank you!

[@ErickAmmo]

This was so MEANINGFUL. OMG

[@emilysagaria2459]

THANK YOU!

[@marionhyllam8637]

Thank you ilyanla...right now I'm doing for me...I come first...look forward to reading your new book...you have been an inspiration to me for many years... absolutely love watching your videos...

[@danielleallen7099]

Needed this🙏🏻

[@fatimaakinsan7047]

Waooo.. I'm always short of words whenever I listened to Iyanla...You are prettyyy, classyyy, gorgeous and intelligent....You always nail it...Your choosing words are perfect...Thanks so much ma...Love uuuuu

[@thelmapage-bethley4480]

Thank you I will share this😇

[@meashiadaniels2222]

I needed to hear this and apply this in my life because I was definitely allowing my breakup to define my future and path moving forward. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you 🙏

[@AVRILROOTS]

good for you

[@SunandSunflowers]

So inspirational

[@tangelamccray8455]

Trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart from a relationship that is not good for me. I gave my heart to him on a silver platter. I fell in love with him because he showed me ...so I thought...unconditional love. The mistakes I made in the relationship was used as a weapon against me. He gives me the silent treatment all the time and say hurtful things to me. The pain of walking away is so painful.

[@rjefferson3966]

Thank you for your blessing, time, energy, and being a vessel. This video is and will continue to help me heal! Found out my children father, the man I married, been with for almost 10 years has been cheating on me, on top of being in prison! This is tuff I gave him all of me and sacrificed so much for him and our family. I was a virgin when we met been faithful to him and only him, because of my personal believes. It's like I'm not sad as much anymore, more so angry with myself for being so foolish allowing less than I deserve, putting up with abuse, and not paying attention to the signs. Looking past what was being given and going off of the potential I see, instead of going off of what is being given and shown. Gotta learn I can not fix anyone! I have to heal myself and save some of me for me, before loving anyone else.

[@AVRILROOTS]

Godbless you #

[@FelishaCastoire]

1st you look extra beautiful! Excellent excellent message.