The real reason I kept my art hidden for years

[@MrTristy22]

I was diagnosed when I was 15 and I have still continued to make my own artwork. A lot of my artwork tends to have a whimsical, melancholic yet mostly optimistic tone. Sometimes I feel a little left out because of how old fashioned seeming it can be in today's world compared to what some do. But I still persist in creating what I love to create because that is who I am. I also tend to keep to myself a lot, when it comes to groups and, I don't know, but that might have been a humongous asset to my creativity.

[@njoyn1909]

Can so relate to this. It took me til 39 to realize I was doing all this. After a life time of struggling over “what’s wrong with me” and getting adhd diagnosis at 38 I finally was able to let go of so much bs and it’s so freeing. Started painting again and still need to constantly remind myself it’s for me and no one else and that perfection sucks and is a creativity killer

[@knowingwhenyouseeit]

I have never heard anyone else share this experience. It is ADHD for me. It is so lonely, even surrounded by supportive artist friends who encourage me to come out of my shell. I am still afraid of the things my art will say about me. So validating and reassuring to see you heal and be able to share your beautiful art and self with the world.

[@natuvampire]

Art is so healing, if you just let yourself express you can learn so much.

[@jacks2222]

Your story is so similar to my own. It does make me feel sad that so many incredibly, beautifully creative people were and still are being squashed by what I call "square people". I'm so glad you found your way to a place where you can express yourself. I too feel that in nature I can truly be me and was finally diagnosed at 54. The unmasking is a challenge but I realised that I can make art in nature and feel my true self in the expanse..I'm very grateful for that❤

[@coryvan5645]

Thank you for sharing your journey. After highly masking my autism for thirty years as an undiagnosed autistic who also stopped making art for many years, I am also realizing many of the things you mentioned. I'm beginning to realize that I'm ok with with who I am in the moment, and that I don't need to constantly strive to be different or better both as a person and as an artist. I'm starting to make art for the fun of it and to use it as a form of self expression. I may try to sell it at some point or not. either option is ok too.

[@BeatrixBetwixt]

I see so much of myself in you. I went through similar experiences growing up and put away working on art and masked. I’m undiagnosed and older, 45 but I decided this year to get back into doing art. It’s a process of letting go and it’s freeing. I decided to try working with a new tool (Lino carving tools) instead of just drawing and watercolor when I was young. It really helped me focus on something completely new that I previously didn’t have almost a stigma with in the past. I found that learning a new medium took the stress out of the past experiences. It was like a new beginning for me I think. I’m happy to hear you picked up your art again and started selling your work despite your struggles in the beginning. Lovely video and sending you a hello.♥️

[@faerysoul]

It is so inspiring to hear your story and I am glad you picked up art after all this time! There is a reason why they say it's never too late!! 💪Thank you so much for sharing and good luck on your way.

[@BeatrixBetwixt]

@@faerysoul thank you!😊

[@sunshinemachine6572]

I love how the mirror radiated behind your head! It would make a great selfie portrait , your energy turned into art …~ wendy

[@marcelagomes]

I’m autistic as well and I feel your pain, we charge ourselves to the highest and never it’s enough. I’m always scared about how mean people will be when I take off the mask. I love art and somehow it’s my special interest for a long time and make me feel mixed feelings about showing because I feel that I’ll never be enough to be an artist

[@faerysoul]

Aww sweetheart, I feel you. I know it always feels risky, because we have experienced harsh critism for behaviour that did not "fit in"- which is why it can be so hard to show anything of ourselves. But if it feels more comfortable to you, maybe start by just making art for yourself and only share whenever you feel ready to! You could also prepare yourself mentally for the day you might want to share it withothers. You also don't have to share at all ofc if you do not feel like it. If you take any kind of professional support, like therapy or the like, I'd recommend to share your hopes and fears about it with them, too.

[@fleischliebe430]

beautiful storytelling! both entertaining and relatable. Art looks great!

[@faerysoul]

Thanks Clemens!

[@zapthroughyourmind]

Es tut gut, auch mal jemanden über die Schwierigkeiten auf der kreativen Reise berichten zu hören. Ich habe auch einen langen (kreativen) Weg hinter mir und manchmal kommt immernoch alles ins Schwanken. Über „welche Kunstform man generell mache möchte“, zu „ob es jemals möglich sein könnte, damit genug Geld zum leben zu verdienen“, bis „Was wenn nicht, werde ich dann noch genug Zeit haben um mich meiner Kunst zu widmen, oder werde ich ewig unglücklich sein?“ und so weiter… Machst du die Kunst hauptberuflich? P.S. Ich wüsste echt gerne wie das Lied bei 2:27 heißt. Es hört sich toll an ☀️

[@schattenvolkofficial1121]

😊❤ I love how you open up about your inner perception and feelings! That bit about inspiring each other's flames between artists is so important, I really felt that! 🥰

[@faerysoul]

Aaaaah I am happy about that!

[@jyamesLccas]

Happy estival Solstice!

[@laura5425]

Du sprichst mir aus der Seele! I feel so connected to your way of perception and I wish to have more people like you around myself to be artsy and creative with. You seem to flutter so easy with the mild summer breeze lifting you towards your true self! I should definitely get an insta account (oh dear, how much I dread social networks and the neverending stream of fake or unwanted info that clogs my free and sensitive mind...). But there seems to be a small circle of like-minded creatures that I've so desperately missed. So maybe I will meet you there...

[@polygnomial]

The choice of colors in your drawings is very unique. Nice work!

[@faerysoul]

Thank you a lot!

[@flowerlaksman4919]

Thanks for sharing your beautiful soul.

[@faerysoul]

Thanks for sharing a comment!

[@illanellinor]

I live to make music and to write. At 13, a similar age to when you stopped painting, I stopped writing altogether. Even though it brought me a lot of passion, the expectations I put on myself were just too much. Perfectionism combined with this society combined with neurodivergent struggles = incredible amount of pressure. Who wouldn't break under that? Then we hear all the time this la-de-da ideology that the artist's life is for the strong-willed, 'not for the faint-hearted'. I don't believe that. The soft-hearted who need softness to come out of themselves can bring forth art that is just as (if not more) beautiful and needed, especially in such a hard-minded world. If this world becomes softer, which it can, the soft would not need to be perceived as weak. Back to my story, I used to think music was my biggest love, not writing, but after many years I've come to realise that writing songs - lyrics and melodies mostly - is what I enjoy. In other words, it is both! Music AND writing. I have gone through a very similar self-doubt as you with the skill-gap, wanting to be much better at making music than I currently am. The same way you looked at hyperrealist oil painters and wondered if you should even bother, I look at every highly-produced song on Spotify/KZbin/Bandcamp and question if I should even try to share my music if it's not to the same quality. Music production is my skill-gap, and the sad thing is those particular skills do not come naturally. I wish so much to share the heart in my music, and for that to not be held back by now 'professional' it sounds. I wish people could listen and not be distracted by a poorly produced beat and hear the melody itself, the words, the meaning, how my voice embraces the song with love because the song is my 'child' and I love it, as with all my songs. I wish that passion was the most important thing, which I think it can be in some mediums, but in music sadly it doesn't seem to be so (not without the quality being high already). At the same time, I am seeing this skill-gap as a challenge for now, even though I am currently exhausted and wish I could just share my music as it is now. It could be highly rewarding once I get past a certain point. I will try not to ever lose 'the point' though, of making these songs in the first place. Thanks for a very insightful video and intimately sharing your tips :)

[@faerysoul]

Thanks for sharing your interesting story! I wish you lots of fun and courage with your music! In this society everything is produced so clean and "without edges" as we would say in german (meaning without those little imperfections that make something real). I think we ought to learn how to enjoy raw things again, as they naturally come with edges and quirks! And that is what makes them so great!

[@Fifi_sound]

In a Way i Can relate to some of the things. When i’m under emotional Press its hard to paint. And even harder to show it, i also Think i’m scared of what comes out of me😅 i’m more afraid of seing something i dont like in my paintings. I have multible diagnoses, and did not fit with the crowd. Sometimes i still wish i did, but i feel like i’ve gotten to a place where i freeing myself. I started as a perfectionist with drawing. But later i learned how it Can be fun to use the mistakes into making my painting my own. So now i tend to wonder outside the Lines for fun. But i always Think there is something mysterious about art. I have to know a person pretty Well to see the artist in it. I love the expressions on your paintings. And i like hearing your story. I dont Think you are weird at all. But again. I’m pretty weird too😆😉🥰

[@faerysoul]

Heheh, it was nice reading your story, thank you for sharing!

[@Fifi_sound]

@@faerysoul i made so Many spelling mistakes i realize now😅 gonna need to fix it

[@faerysoul]

@@Fifi_sound no problem 😊

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Found it interesting how my masking suppressed creativity. I didn't mask as much when I was teen but in 20s I did. Had to mask to get employment.

[@faerysoul]

Sorry to hear that! I hope you have lots of places where you can unmask.

[@mariarzyt_3D]

Very beautiful video editing and enjoyable storytelling! I know, kinda random, but I was wondering whether you were German too and discovered your surname/(pseudonym?) through your page. The concept of it sounds so dreamy

[@faerysoul]

I'm from Germany and about my surename, well, I get that asked quite a lot and to be honest I like it when people wonder. :D So I'm going to not answer this one. :D Thank you for your comment!

[@veronikamaria7831]

Hey, this is a personal question so you don’t have to answer but: How did you get an autism diagnosis despite having social skills. I identify with so many autism traits and my youth was really difficult like that. But my therapist said I could never get an autism diagnosis because I developed these social skills (she is not specialized in neurodivergence). I developed them as an adult.

[@faerysoul]

Hello, good question! I would recommend for you to go to an autism expert, especially someone who knows how autism shows itself in girls and women. And, if it feels right for you, I would dare to unmask in front of them. Meaning I dared to stop controlling my body movement and facial expressions and just said what came to my mind, and I didn't hide my sensitivity to bright light etc. I think in front of an expert you should generally be safe to just be as you are. But I think I was also lucky because the expert is truly one and saw right through me at the first appointment. I hope you can get an appointment with an expert who will give you the same understanding!

[@greengables3166]

hähä ich hab früher immer Prinzessinnen gemalt mit Schwerpunkt hübsche Kleidchen jetz hab ich rausgefunden, wie man das teilweise beruflich nutzen kann 🤣 weng spät aber egaaaaaaal 🤩😍🥰

[@faerysoul]

Besser spät als nie.

[@anitataraki5512]

Why do you think your autistic? What possibly would make you think being shy or sensitive is austistic? What does that even mean? You described yourself as repressed, is that the same as autistic? You might be a reincarnated master artist who doesnt settle for kess than perfect therefor chose this life. There are people who believe that sort of stuff. I lost interest in art because my parents didnt buy me supplies but when i was younger my dad used to bring home paper and pens i could use all the time, when that stopped i didnt ask for more paper, i just found other things to do, but being poor had its effects. Thats not autistic, is it? I think what youre saying is that it is. It certainly sounds like that's what your saying. I think people born with measurable developmental problems are because internal bruising which causes emotional and physical problems, im a former preshcool teacher and special ed aide and ive been around austistis people and i see absolutely no symptoms of autism in what youre doing, your bidy language and way youre speaking makes me certain youre artistic. Is that what you meant to say?

[@faerysoul]

First of all, I have a formal diagnosis by an autism expert that included several appointments and multiple autism tests before I got the diagnosis. It even included one test to exclude possible other reasons for my symptoms. So, yes I am definitely autistic (they used to call it Apergers but now it's "Autism spectrum disorder"). Secondly, autism is a spectrum and there are people who need more support and people who need less support. You are probably around children who need more support. But I am an adult, not a preschool child, so of course my behaviour won't be the same! I learned correct social behaviour like a second language later in life so I can come off as perfectly "normal" for the most part. But the effort I have to put in costs me a tremendous amount of energy. It's like a language that I have become extremely fluent in, but in real life (not in camera) is extremely exhausting to keep up with. Fourth, do you really think you can judge my behind the camera everyday struggles by watching a video that has been cut multiple times to get a point across? The videos are supposed to be a work of art, not daily vlogs. I don't film myself when I am breaking down in exhaustion, when I am having a meltdown or when I am in distress because I am once again not able to read someones face correctly. Btw, autism has many faces- if you want to learn more I recommend the channel "I am autistic- now what?".

[@marcelagomes]

It’s not polite say for someone else “I don’t think you’re autistic”. You’re not a doctor and you don’t know our pain and how we hide it.

[@anitataraki5512]

@@marcelagomes well, fair enough unless you're wrong too and I'm also autistic. What do you think happens when you're standing face to face with someone? Or when your attention to drawn to something? Do you think there's a possibility that things (gases, pharamones, ideas, etc, that are being exchanged unconsciously? Thats what we're talking about. Your receptors are blocked. Mine are too, it's part of enlightenment. It's why the Mystic poet Blake wrote that when the doors of perception cleansed ...things occured. I forget the poem but his art and poetry would be an enlightenment for some people to read and look at, as well as some movies too, like, Awakenings. There are things happening all around us that might cause changes in our physiology, including people, animals, air currents, atmospheric conditions in and outside the troposphere. Doctors have jobs to perform, as do you I'm sure. They want to cure you and will decide themselves to do so, they're human too and want results and will take risks to get them that often are misdiagnoses or simply "band aids" that do not cure the condition, but merely sedated the patient with fake diagnostic conclusions and sometimes false hope to keep them alive. I don't question them anymore.

[@anitataraki5512]

@@marcelagomes did you get the chance to read my reply?

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Just because you work with special needs kids where some of them are autistic doesn't mean you can apply special needs to all autistic people. Most autistic people are not special needs kids. We don't have medical disabilities, we have social disabilities. That means we are disabled by society not by impairments or differences. Do you assume that because you work with NT special needs kids that all NT people have high support need? Then you have classify yourself as requiring high support needs. That's what you're assuming with all ND people. You are special ed aide, means you have no education in Autism other what you see at work. I was diagnosed at age 7 and the aides I had, well there special place in hell waiting for them for the physical, emotional and psychological abuse they put me through. They should be prison.

[@edward0922]

She's not autistic

[@faerysoul]

Yes, I am. Actually with a formal diagnosis by an expert. ;)

[@EudaimoniaFarm]

This video gives me life! Thank you so much for sharing these magical videos