The S Word and The End - Finally EP20

[@BaronVonGrumble]

Thank you ALL for sticking with this series, I know its been a long time to the end but we made it! Thank you to EVERYONE who commented, liked and bought stickers and fuel - especially the guy who bought about 10 tanks full and wishes to remain anonymous - incredible. I'm going to sneak this last episode out and those who are interested, great, if you are not that's totally fine, just please perhaps have a little grace for those who really need to hear this. Much Thankings and lets get back to faffing on superbikes! p2t.uk/ for stickers before they run out if you are interested.

[@flamintasty]

That was a great trip 😊

[@sharky09000]

Maybe life has put you through your experiences so that you can help others via your biking soapbox, either way talking about stuff helps to unload the mental baggage, you've helped me👍 Sending positive thoughts & love your way m8❤

[@Harnosharn]

Thanks Chris 😊 it's helped me through some uncertain times .. and made me laugh / think about my own thoughts particularly this video actually .

[@dannymac4428]

First few minutes in and I can completely relate and now understand where I've been going wrong for many years. Thank you Chris!

[@triedproven9908]

You've done a marvelous thing. You threw your happy place all over your depression to try to atleast balance it out. You took us on the journey with you physically and mentally with keen insight. Then you end it with the fight continues. Most of us who've been in that place and come out the other side physically intact know that the mental scars take a good while longer to heal. It was a good showing, and you're a courageous man to share non idealic head space. Thank you.

[@Gaby83]

Only had it once, back in 2009 during the "Financial crisis", lost my job and had a 4 months old baby boy, no money whatsoever, looking inside the can of formula, only had for 2 more hours to feed the boy, but no more money to buy more. I was looking at the open window thinking "That would take care of all my problems, I can just jump and be done with it", but also looked at my sleeping wife and son and decided against it . I called my brother and asked to borrow some money and I guess all the bad thoughts just went away and focused on how can I get back up on my feet. Cheers! never said this to anybody before. 🙂

[@raymondlyle663]

You’re a brave man. It takes a lot to talk about suicide and you never know who you could help. Well done you.

[@MaxUtley]

What has Baron got to be depressed about - never seen the round end of an AK47 or lived in poverty

[@mrmando69]

​@RupertUtley That's a really narrow minded comment.

[@keyop1970]

​@@MaxUtleyHaving to share the planet with people like you, maybe? 🤔

[@MaxUtley]

@@mrmando69 that’s because I form all my views reading your comments and posts

[@MaxUtley]

@flippy66 always an excuse for everything. Get down give me twenty or you will have something to be miserable about kzbin.info/www/bejne/iX_Maq2lqq12aNUsi=A8A_QgaRFt9NcDt4

[@ninjakat4815]

Its been an awesome journey Baron, your voice, sense of humour and biking have got me through a rough couple of years. My journey is about to end. I gave my bike away a week ago. Weakness means I can no longer ride and seeing the bike sitting outside was getting me down so I gave the bike to someone I know will enjoy it and maintain it. Cancer has won the day and all I have now are the vlogs of a few that have come to mean something to. Thanks for your vlogs/thoughts /observations. Don't stop being you brother. Peace and love always

[@franklinwilkerson2061]

Well I'm sorry to read your words having lost two dear friends to cancer but if it means anything I'd just like to say that it's been proven to me many times in life that there is more to our existence than meets the eye. There is a bigger picture than just our silly little lives in our silly little bodies. No one knows what happens when we die but rest assured our conscious spirit is part of something much bigger than ourselves. Whatever happens after this particular life ends is irrelevant. It's been happening like this since forever and it's greater than you and I.

[@steve21332]

@@franklinwilkerson2061 absolutely....I couldn't have put it any better

[@McVerne]

@@franklinwilkerson2061 This exactly!

[@johnmarks1607]

My life is immeasurably better for having you around Chris. I look forward to these videos and I know you’re helping a lot of other people as well

[@DrummerOnTwoWheels]

Binged watched the entire series in 3 days. Amazing watch, thank you, Chris, your sense of humour and love of motorcycling makes this channel, from the solo GSX-R tour all those years ago to this, aching for the next one. :) Can I just point out the fact that people would have seen a fully grown man sucking off a Bratwurst in a car park whilst riding a bike, made me belly laugh.

[@jakepocock1616]

I've been struggling with my mental health for longer than I probably should've. I've considered suicide multiple times, but never gone through with it because tbh, the Mrs and dogs need me. I'm now in the position where I dont care about living, but I don't wanna die and leave those behind. Needing help doesn't make you a failure and despite every fibre of my being fighting it, I'm getting help. Thank you for this whole series BVG.

[@RufusVIP]

Thankyou. I came for the riding, but stayed for the thoughts. I actually started in the middle, almost finished, went back to the start, caught up, then found the finish. Thankyou for making this art, cos it is that. Well done, it hit this me where it was needed.

[@King_Harrold]

In 2019, I never wanted to end it, but I wanted the noise to stop. I went up to the peak District just to be alone . It gave me time to think and realise what was worth carrying on for. There's a lot of pressure on me: to provide, to protect, to present this image.

[@NickyLong89]

I don’t think there’s enough said about people who spend their entire life slogging their bollocks off just to provide for others. Although it does give you a purpose and a driving force to carry on.

[@APtS_Gh0stHunt3R]

Stay Strong my friend... you got alot to live for...

[@FEARY888]

If I'm honest this caught me off gaurd...im literally think that way right now and retracting from everyone right now. Find faults in friendships, etc, and moving away from them...not necessarily for the S word but to look after myself only. And in my head complaining no one is looking for me when I'm pushing them away...part of me thinks fuck them but this has made me think I'm causing my own issues...thanks for the perspective

[@JohnJay1745]

Last year, I had a massive widow-maker heart attack and had cardiac arrest 12 times where my heart stopped, I was unconscious, and not breathing. That meets some medical definitions of death. In my experience, death was tranquil, peaceful, and painless. Being brought back to life was the exact opposite; very painful, disorienting, and stressful. When I was dead that buzz in my head went away and I was perfectly relaxed. Due to that experience, I don't fear death at all. It's obvious to me that all the pain is in this life. That said, I cherish the time I have left because this is my only opportunity to live and I know I will eventually die. I'm going to enjoy every second I have left, and then I will embrace death's tranquility. Thank you for discussing openly your mental health issues. I am glad you are here, and I wish you all the best. Enjoy!

[@johnsumser9743]

The first thing I want to say is that I missed you and worried about you. My brother killed himself ten years ago or so and hundreds of people went to his memorial service on very short notice: I think we have little idea of the roles we play in the lives of others. The other thing I want to say is that, having been massively depressed at one point in my life, there is a certain romantic quality to depression -- it makes everything more dramatic, we become tragic heroes in our tales of failure; depression is seductive and happiness can be dismissed as trivial. We can know how silly all that is and still get trapped by it.

[@matthewkirkpatrick5545]

I dont kiss ass. But what you wrote makes so much sense. I love to wallow in depression and that's my crown. It's rediculous tbh. Thanks for the reality check!

[@maxevans9688]

incredibly wise perspective

[@JHPMedicalUK]

Excellent work Chris raising awareness of mental health issues! It's OK TO BE NOT OK.

[@dozer877]

Loved the series, if you ever fancy doing Ireland I’ll provide accommodation along the north coast, it’s hard to hear someone like yourself talk about suicide as you would be severely missed and your presence has impacted a lot of people in such a good way. Keep talking ❤

[@shanebell4733]

Hi Chris i dont ever wright on people's stuff I watch and listen to. So all I have to say is keep doing what your doing you have helped me no end thanks a million 👍

[@HollyBerryDOOG]

Having enjoyed a similar mind set for years I appreciate your honesty. I can only add this world is a shit stick of misery and disappointment but other parts of the world are even worst. Enjoy what we all have and remember there are just not answers to anything, it’s all pointless (unless you’re religious 🤔)

[@neevesybikes]

Enjoyed every one of these videos, mate. Thanks for sharing all of your experiences 😊

[@BaronVonGrumble]

Cheers buddy! You are welcome to take her for a spin sometime :)

[@deadlockvlogs]

I'll be brutally honest - it's been a LONG time since I watched any of your videos but this one intrigued me and I'm genuinely glad I sat through 25 minutes of your grumpiness 😉 Joking aside, you should be proud of yourself for addressing the issue of suicide and for speaking so frankly about your own thoughts and feelings. Top man. Right, I'm off to watch your Ducati video and then ignore you for another 4 years 😉

[@motomark7671]

It’s been the best series you have done! Thoroughly enjoyed every episode! Please don’t take it for granted! I have the identical bike to you, I bought it in July this year (2023) I’ve done just under 5000 miles, mostly in Europe, since buying it, all solo riding like you! No motorway or toll roads, just exploring, mainly France! It keeps me sane, my wife and kids have no idea of the challenges in my mind! Top man Chris! Thankfully, I’m not alone.

[@SimonCrapo]

Long Comment - I have been a long-time subscriber. Your videos from 12 years ago when you vlogged, sucked me in. Because of them, I bought a sports bike and I LOVED life. I gave a shot at creating a vlog of my own, but I do not have the gift of gab, and the videos were shit. I just spent the last day watching this entire series. I work from home and have the benefit of being able to have your videos on, while I work and it has been a treat. It has been 5+ years since I have watched your content and I am so glad that I thought to search you up again on KZbin. First off, thank you for creating fantastic content. I know it is a ton of work, so thank you. I miss your old vlogs. I truly looked forward to them, but I am happy that I found your channel again and have been able to enjoy this trip "with you". Second, thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your challenges and not sugarcoating things. You make it so that it is easy to connect and understand, and you say what we are all thinking. There were many moments during this series that I can't help to laugh. Especially when you forget to do up your chin strap, or if you go around your hotel 5 times trying to find the entrance. I personally do not suffer from anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, however, my wife does and it has opened my mind and made me more understanding of the seriousness that your thoughts can have and how it can affect every aspect of your life. My oldest boy also suffers from anxiety, and although I don't truly understand it, I appreciate you talking about it and bringing more light to the subject so others can understand and learn to be compassionate to those who have to work through it each day. Before I met my wife and someone told me they had anxiety, my thoughts were "don't think about it" or "you are fine" because I didn't realize how impactful thoughts were. I didn't understand that anxiety is truly such a hardship for some people and they don't have control of their thoughts. I am still learning how to be patient with those around me that have it. I want to be brave and go on a trip like this. I would love to do it with my brother, and my wife and share the experience like you have said, but there is also the side of me that wants to do this alone. I want to be stuck in my own thoughts and really get to know myself while on my motorcycle. I think that riding a motorcycle is the best way for me to clear my mind and really think about my life and the shit I need to get done to get my life where I want it. I have never done a trip out of fear. This has inspired me to do the things that you are afraid of. I am based in the U.S. and there is so much to explore! Thank you again for creating your channel. Thank you for sharing this with us. Thank you for being open. Thank you for being you. Please do not stop making content. Please do not stop sharing your life with us even if you feel it has all gone to shit, because I think you have a huge community of people that it helps to hear those things and we want to support you. Thank you!

[@krakrikro]

Hey Chris, I just came back from my trip this year. It was planned to be a tour around Germany together with my father. But then his bike got stolen a week before we wanted to start and I was left with the decision to go on my own or stay at home as well. Well I decided to leave and went from northeast Germany all the way across France into the Pyrenees, 5.400 km in 9 days. And just like you I've been scared to leave on my own but got so used to it and startet to enjoy sooo much, it was fanfreakingtastic. And, in the last couple of weeks my mental health went spiraling downwards. I was looking so much forward to the trip with my father, that I've been devastated, when he told me he can't come with me. Now I am glad I went on this epic trip. And I wrote a diary every evening and both, riding and writing, reflecting the day, helped so much, that I came back stronger than I've ever been through the last years. And I had to think about you and your trip as well and smiled into my helmet, because I was having kind of the same experience. So all the best to you, and thank you for your honest words and taking all of us with you together on your journey!

[@ktmkevin]

Thanks for this series Chris. Been struggling with mental health for a while now and many of your ramblings feel familiar, comforting. And then actually last week a close colleague of mine took his own life after years of depression which hit me very hard, and now this episode. Just, you know.. thanks.

[@MarkJYule]

Had ideation since i was a young teen, never attempted "S" but I have planned and come close to carrying it through more than once. If I'm really honest, i think its what first made me get into bikes - the thinking being that it'll happen and my family wouldn't blame me for ending myself on purpose. To those who poo poo depression - im jealous that youve never experienced your own brain derailing your life. I pushed my friends away at Uni' then spent 3 years living in my house like a hermit. Came back and ten years later did the same thing again. I now have a wife, 2 kids - when we had them i thought i was through with the snakes and ladders but it happened again and i felt even worse that i was wanting to end it whilst my youngest was only 4 - the closest ive cone to doing it tbh. Ive finally went "fuck it" and i can openly say my mind sometimes has a faulty plug/firing order 🤷‍♂️ To anyone struggling, dont hide it, yiur family and friends need you, love you and probably dont realise you are struggling. Asking for help isnt weakness ❤️ Thank you BVG for your honesty and openness 🥰

[@RichardHMorris]

I’ve enjoyed watching the series albeit on the TV apps which don’t allow interaction quite as easily. Good to see you opening up and sharing the highs and lows too; sadly that’s a brave thing to do in an era of toxic masculinity. It’s made me want to visit Croatia and indeed see Sarajevo. It’s also made me realise that even with my fierce independence a trip that long is best shared with a mate or better still a partner. I’m giving up our place in the Canary Islands to free up our Brexit 90/180 so I could go ahead and book our Eurothrash 2024 from Spain via France into Switzerland and Luxembourg back to the Chunnel with my wife on a new RT. So thanks for the vicarious travel thrills!

[@essexboydave]

I’ve become a recluse over time but to be honest I feel it’s only helped me I found moving away from friends and family was the best way to limit stress and negativity the wife and the dog is all I need I keep myself busy in the garage and helps to block out the crappy world nonsense that gets you down every day

[@robholloway5935]

Chris, thank you for talking so openly about what and how you are feeling. It takes balls to do this and you have hit a chord with me and a lot of people. Really enjoyed the series and keep doing what you do, you're a top bloke 👍😁

[@sloht4061]

Hey Chris, thankyou for the entire series and honestly, thankyou for everything you've shared throughout the entirety of this series. All the lows, and the lower lows and then some middle highs and more lows. In all honesty though, would happily watch another 20 episodes of you doing the same thing. I've seen every video you've put out, from the drives to London and your original trip with your friend who crashed into you at the French border. Hope you're doing ok and everything going well and i'm looking forward to your next adventure. Love you man.

[@cafelife1252]

I feel exactly as you Chris. I think about it everyday. Its a challenge to stay positive in life while carrying around this mental burden. Thank you so much

[@andeanrider6355]

been there too mate.

[@mrmando69]

So much i could say about this series Chris , but all im gonna say is thankyou. Rarely do we see so much honesty , you have touched many many hearts ❤

[@brandt69420]

Best series on KZbin. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share this experience with us. It has helped me immensely.

[@richardferguson6891]

Yes - your description of the S word is exactly the same as I feel - a theoretical escape route. I've enjoyed the series, thank you Chris!

[@robertmills794]

You’ve described perfectly what goes through the mind of someone that has those notions. Which proves you’ve been there. I can say that personally I’ve done that exact thing of pushing folks away so that my absence would later not be noticed. What it seems to me is that the act of isolating oneself continues the swirl down the toilet bowl. So, your advice is perfect and people need to fight the urge to isolate and engage. Given time and engagement with others, those feeling do begin to subside. And for me anyway, I think about it less and less by staying engaged with others. Shiney side up brother,…

[@flamintasty]

Hey Baron, thank you for documenting your adventure. You’re a lot braver than me, I can’t open up about my issues. Which is why I smoked so much weed, just to get away from myself and not have to think about it.

[@michaelduffy8128]

I lost a close friend to suicide 3yrs ago and he is always in my thoughts. He always had a smile and made everyone feel welcome. I hope you take this message to heart, you would be missed terribly if you were gone. Thank you for your honesty about your feelings and internal thoughts, don't let the darkness consume you.

[@saintetienne755]

No matter what, when i see you post I click on immediately. You were my first subscription and the one I follow more than any other. You've no idea how much you help me

[@motomark7671]

Thoroughly enjoyed the full series, I look forward to the next one! Amazing trip high and low! 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[@Sir_Revsalot]

I stayed after the S word...I've nearly done and been close.. I think your brave guy for talking about it so openly and I admire you for it. More people should be talking about it. STAY STRONG BROTHER 🫶❤️

[@lolman77]

Thanks Chris for talking openly about all that. You probably don't realize how much this actually helps. There is rarely a day I don't look at the window in my flat or at my balcony and don't think to myself "huh... what if I just jumped? That would sort things out!" and start calculating the right height or wonder where I should aim to not end up like an idiot with just two broken legs. My motorcycle or my oldtimer are also ways I use to "maximise the probabilities"... I too get distant with my people in these moments. Maybe not to protect/prepare them for my departure, but mostly because I don't wanna hear about anyone boring/happy life, or, if I open up, the usual "don't be silly" "don't talk like that" "oh, she left... don't worry, there will be plenty more" "it's gonna be ok"... And yet, objectively, I should see that I have a great life. I have a great career, I have a very good salary, I live my hobby to the fullest (restoring and enjoying an oldtimer and a motorcycle). Yet, I feel broken, defective. So yeah, I really get you. I am really sorry you are going through that, although I am very happy to see you are getting better. Hearing you talk about it helped me identify in someone else, and see that it's not just me.

[@billmoeller8897]

I was wondering where you have been. Good talk, good ride!! Been havng those same thoughts. As I am 77 & not very good dealing with the internet & everything is done on the internet now I get depressed a lot. So trying to fill out government forms & visas is very stressful for me. I could feel my brain getting clearer after watching & listening to your video. Won't go into details but your talk helped a lot. I guess hearing that someone is thinking the same way & was able to get through it is a big help. A big thanks !!! Don't be gone so long. Enjoy just being along for your rides. Take care.

[@TaterGrabbinBass]

This subject definitely resonates with men, not just only men but the majority of people who think about this subject and follow through with the process are men and it’s sad. It’s a hard subject to talk about but if you can somehow surround yourself with a small group of other men that you trust it can really help talking to them and having them know about how you feel. Men need to help and look out for other men and that is the brotherhood, we shouldn’t frown on other men that are having issues and it takes a real man to address and listen to another man in a rough spot. As men we all have our moments of weakness but with time and a good support system we can overcome these thoughts and depend on the tight knit brotherhood you can have with a few very close and trustworthy men. Start you journey on brotherhood now because it could save your life if you do have a moment of weakness. Love you guys and more people need to start talking and opening up.

[@matthewcoleman8267]

I was thinking the other day how long it had been since the last episode. I've thoroughly enjoyed sharing the journey with you and always appreciate the topics you talk about

[@Alexslashslash]

Massive thanks for this series Chris, the wait was more than worth it and I hope you’re feeling more how you want to feel now

[@anewway3]

Good on you, Chris! We need to talk about these things and remove the taboo. I've been in the same place you were and was scared to talk about it. Appreciate you and your bravery brother!

[@JockBiker]

Riding a bike keeps me alive. It’s the best release. Brilliant you’re discussing this sensitive topic.

[@jamesgale9073]

Those thoughts are a daily occurrence with me too. I have tried and thankfully failed, but it is my "cure all"

[@matmac68]

You’re spot on about positive thinking. It really does bring positivity to you’re life . Been doing it for a few years now and it’s all looking good . There’s a saying that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Unfortunately the people who suicide can’t find a way to stop the pain . Thank you for sharing your pain and your journey. We’re all here for you and please vent/talk away

[@adamc209]

Awesome as always Chris, I have been living vicariously through your content for at least the past year and a half, having gone through a difficult end to my marriage and subsequent depression and my life being turned upside down. Your humour, honesty, talent and ability to wear your heart on your sleeve means so much to so many people, myself included. Keep doing what you do Chris, and thank you ❤

[@yorkshiresdronestruggle]

44 teeth is fantastic. But Barron been himself is amazing. From traffic rants to mental health this channel has it

[@sufeeb]

I lost a mate in a motorcycle accident in 2022, started to suffer from ptsd a couple of months later…it lasted for 2 more months….strange feelings of light headedness, detachmentI and general lack of interest. I will admit that I thought that there’s no way I could keep going on feeling that way, wasn’t thinking of the S word but just felt very low and depressed. Therapy helped and eventually I came out of it. Keep it up Chris!!!

[@SteveBrigden]

Late to this, and have just binge-watched it all over the last few days. Nice one Chris. Good for you, and good for you for doing it, and for sharing so much of your personal journey too. It was a compelling watch. Planning a (smaller) tour myself now later in the year. ❤

[@lewis505]

Great video, weird how we all suffer the same in our community but think its impossible anyone else thinking the same. thanks for making this!

[@robertisaacs8009]

Congratulations Big Chris on completing the series. Its been very interesting to watch and listen to your stories and thoughts. Thankyou for making me think about myself more and realising that a lot of people are in the same situation and will get through tough times by simply talking to each other. Hope you sort your problems out and are happy.

[@jgerma21]

This has been a phenomenal project you have done, and I hope it helps many others to witness the experience. 49 years ago, there was another man that lost his mind and took to the road on motorcycle. You both ended the situation with a resounding victorious conclusion, after conquering your darkest moments. The conclusion that "everything is going get better" is not the answer, but more so that "both good and bad is important to be accepted as such, as that is its quality". Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert Pirsig. Thanks for the journey.

[@r12004rewy]

Hey mate what a fantastic achievement, I so hope the trip has made you realise just how much you are loved by so many people, it's taken a lot of courage to be as open as you have been talking about your issues, I so hope you are able to get back on track after returning home. On a side note I have done a couple of trips on the B500 and have stayed in Baden Baden, I remember walking back from a restaurant and looking at people on the roof terrace at that swanky hotel you stayed at, I was in the Holiday Inn just down the road. Welcome back and look forward to seeing some new vids sometime soon.

[@richardeaton1544]

I can relate to a lot of that having just come back from a 3 week, 3,000 miles, 10 country solo moto camping myself. Even down to the flashes of speed cameras just 30 minutes from Calais and the totally empty Eurotunnel! It's been a great series and like you, I found that having a helmet cam (yet to be edited and published) and talking to that as though it was others meant I rarely felt by myself bizarrely.

[@PhilTonic]

Bicycles are the dutch main cultural thing. Babies get born there together with a bicycle. No placenta in the Netherlands, just a cruiser bicycle attached to the umbilical cord that flops out after the baby is born.

[@Bavs__]

You are a great speaker and story teller, I always look forward to seeing new videos from you. Watching your videos are like Therapy.

[@gcosmos960]

Let’s figure this s..t out!!! This video is on my daily playlist. Keep up the amazing work mate

[@spoon3223]

An absolute treat of a series! Thanks!

[@SimonPerry1987]

Absolutely wonderful series! Love all the crazy stuff you do with the 44teeth gang but seeing you as a person really helps people like me understand the challenges of mental health. I have friends and family who struggle with mental health issues and although your videos help those with their own issues, they also help people like me to understand how they might be feeling, what to look out for and how to help, even if that's just listening. You're a lovely bloke Chris and I hope that reading some of these comments makes you realise how much you mean to people! I have a lightening bolt sticker on my own bike from your website and it reminds me of how we are all different every time I see it!

[@paulmay5779]

That encapsulates my minds way of thinking about this too. I've had many a time when I think that the really obvious way I can stop the pain is suicide. It's like a sure fire way when you think that life is never going to be the same. The difference is like you say I don't want to do it, but it still lives in my head rent free. I have therapy regularly now, and I would urge anyone in a similar position to seek out professional help or talk to friends. If anybody thinks of doing this, nobody wants you to do that, you're friends and family want you around, you DO make a difference to people's lives.

[@DeanoOBannon]

Fantastic series. Easily the best vlog I've ever seen on youtube. Thanks for your generous work Chris. Riding through the Balkans is on my bucket list now. & that's problematic because I'm Australian & I swore I'd never fly to Europe again after the last trip.

[@gregmather1702]

Brilliant mini series mate. Inspiring and thought provoking. Cheers marra

[@stjani10]

If there ever was a video that hit home, this is it! Thanks for the courage of sharing, don't be afraid to get help and advise, and try to look at the positive in your life. A good motorcycle ride is such a good stress relief, but im sure you know that already.

[@danielwood7550]

I think this could be my favourite ever KZbin collection of videos. Well done cris

[@KW-LAKES]

Really important that you have spoken about this Chris; for me I heard a comedian late night on the radio a few years ago speak in similar tone to you and it saved me, it's ok to feel rubbish because you can get better at that, but don't feel bad or ashamed about feeling that way.

[@ryadasu]

Thank you so much Chris for your honest thoughts, it really means a lot to hear you talk about these issues in the way that you do

[@In-the-shed]

Good on you Chris for opening up and talking so openly about a difficult subject and sharing your own experiences. I’m sure you will help others- be proud of yourself 👏🏻

[@matthewreeves8549]

This really spoke to me, keep these videos coming. Really refreshing to hear people speaking about suicide openly without any judgment. Much love Chris.

[@rustandoil]

Thank you for taking me along on your trip..... So good in so many ways 👍🏻😎

[@abcdefghijk5095]

Stick with us Chris. Good on you for speaking about a real struggle for many people.

[@anthonywhite676]

Thank you Chris, excellent emotive viewing, and what an incredible experience for you.

[@hoodyr6799]

Awdsome stuff Chris! Thoroughly enjoyed this trip & series with you. Looking forward to the next one buddy. Keep on keeping it real man...👌💪❤️

[@cs1375]

I was just thinking about not seeing a new video pop up in months. Love hearing your voice man. Despite being in another country we have a lot of similar ideologies.

[@johntaylor3145]

A lot of you motor bike blockers have helped lots of people over the pandemic with there mental health , love watching your channel,talk to someone about what your feeling are

[@NorthernGrim]

Very good points made, sir. I ended up being arrested the other week when I wanted to actually do it... I was drunk, broke my own TV at the house and my father tried to stop me leaving, so I ran off and he fell over. The police tried to do me for "assault" because when I ran off, my dad fell over. They didn't give a shit as to why i was in the sea, when drunk at 3am. It really really let me down thinking the Police actually help. I've got CBT booked in again for friday so hopefully that helps, it scares me sometimes because when I'm out riding I love life. But when I'm like, just around my normal day to day life, I can't stand it and I hate myself in more than one sense of the word.

[@NorthernGrim]

I'm also in the same boat with retracting myself from friendships etc. I haven't spent time with any friends in months now, nor spoke to them either.

[@stuart_rose]

Thanks for this episode an series Chris. Suicide is an ideation, an idea, a bad idea indeed but not an unnatural thought for anyone feeling trapped, stressed or isolated in their life. The only time I don’t feel like killing myself is when I’m riding a motorcycle. I’m seeing a therapist and doing EMDR therapy to get my brain working in better ways. Please seek help all those of you who are struggling ❤️

[@itllbefineonemoretime3605]

Ditto (Same coping mechanism for many years. Funny how nobody talks about it, but we come to the same conclusion) Thanks for what you do

[@tomcopsey3571]

I never thought someone else had the same 's word' coping mechanism! Thank you for sharing. You're right others think this way!

[@justinmortimer8367]

Thank you really enjoyed watching this whole adventure. Lots to relate to so thank you.

[@m00plank90]

thre's a scary amount of this around. a close friend recently had to be literally cut down. luckily he went into a clinic and is out and 75% there, now. this content is gold dust. this was brave Chris, and it shouldn't be. we should be able to share this stuff before it gets to a critical point. rooting for your continued recovery. look after yourself lads.

[@sullybiker6520]

Been watching you since I got back into bikes in 2015. This was wonderful, Chris.

[@davexs]

I can see where your coming from. I tend now to think more positive, I say to myself 'It could be worse, I could be back where I started'......I think that's what my grandmother called, counting to 10!!!

[@apexslider1]

Thanks for putting yourself out there. Enjoyed the hell out of this series. Rethinking my bike choices to enable a smaller version of this trip.

[@gpracer270]

I can relate to EVERYTHING you said,,,,,, you are not alone!

[@Twinpot1962]

Great subject….I completed 5 tours of Afghanistan as a senior soldier. Since the end of that conflict, we have lost more people through suicide than actually died whilst serving on Ops. Combat Stress is a bit of a twat and has ruined many lives. One case in particular, we knew one of our troops was suffering. We rallied and many people touched base with him, offering all the support they were able to offer. Military organisations were informed and more support was offered including medical help. In the end none of this mattered and he took his own life in the most horrendous way possible. I guess if an individual is that determined to take their own life to silence the demons, then nothing is going to stop them. It’s unbelievably tragic.

[@erikolivo-pb4sz]

Playing this on the background whilst I do some extra Saturday work… ended up relating far too much, I think I’ll stop working shortly and connect with my partner and friends I still have. Thanks mate 👍

[@thecommentator6694]

Fantastic series Chris, glad you did decide to upload the final episode to close it out and cover a topic that needs to be spoken about.

[@AdamWarwicker]

I was diagnosed with a brain disease in 2016, I was often and still often have thoughts of "The End". But I know it's not me being deliberate about my thoughts, it's just the wiring being a little different, and the best thing I found was to have people around me who were ok talking about it. Thinking about the S word is what likely saved me.

[@CrouchyOnBikes]

Thank you for talking openly about this Chris. I’ve also had these (non intentional) thoughts when things get bad. I continually seek advice and tools to help with my mindset. It’s an on-going struggle but I think it’s also just a sad fact of modern day life. Listening to you talking about it helps a lot. I love you mate and you’re work on here and 44t.

[@kilianfitzsimmons-wilson706]

I am generally very ignorant to mental health, part of me still is, but this has been immeasurably powerful in making me consider things and people differently

[@siontwowheels]

Thanks for sharing this trip (warts and all!) with us Chris!… It’s not that often that the highs, lows and everything in between of life find their way onto social media! 👍

[@subressor1]

Even with the deep topics, it's been great to listen to you ramble. Hope this style of content doesn't disappear now the trips over.

[@louisehannam4822]

I have absolutely loved this series and I am so pleased you have spoke about suicide as it’s still such a taboo subject. Thank you for being so honest and raw with your feelings.

[@timrodierides]

The first 5 minutes is basically what I do as well. Always think about it as a mental excuse/get-out for stuff. Great video and well done for sharing, I bet the YT algorithm will LOVE it too 😒

[@sweet-triple-UK]

Thanks for this video Chris. Takes a lot to talk about this subject and pragmatically. Have lost friends to suicide and suspected suicide etc. It's something we (particularly as men) need to learn to talk more about. Peace and love - thoroughly enjoyed the series.

[@michaelmann6685]

This whole series helped this nurse alot. Thankyou. ❤

[@tinahill5528]

THANK YOU THANK YOU. yes, i shouted it. I just thought it was me.. everything you have said makes sense. I am just trying to come out of the isolation part. Very hard, but I am doing it. With a very good therapist. I just understood everything you said. Also, I do not mind putting it on a public comment.

[@chrisjames7803]

We lost one of our maintanance engineers to sucicide a few months ago, its been heart breaking and so difficult to face going in every day, without seeing his happy smiling face every shift. Who knew inside he was so so heartbroken! We all Miss You Huw!

[@mrbullet808]

Thanks for this serie! I managed to stick around... lol! Great to just show how you feel and how it effects your trip. Keep doing this because you learn to work and life with yourself and new people you meet. But i do understand that this would be a greater trip if your friends joined to...