The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | What is Mental Strength?

[@naomicairns]

I think when people talk about mental strength they are actually searching for the word “resilient”. You can suffer from mental illness and still be resilient. Thanks for this video. It’s helped me accept myself just a little bit more because now I can tell myself not to feel shame for my perceived weakness because it doesn’t exist. I can recognize that while I have plenty of helpful personality traits like high agreeableness, moderately high conscientiousness, and high openness to new experience I also have high neuroticism and those are just the cards I was dealt.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Beauty Dreams by Naomi realizing you are vulnerable helps with being resilient.

[@toddboothbee1361]

I have low agreeableness and high neuroticism: I'm like a hemophiliac who loves to pick fights.

[@naomicairns]

Todd Boothbee 😂❤️

[@naomicairns]

Andreas Leon Landgren 😀❤️

[@markstahl1464]

Yes, I agree that Mental Strength and Resilience are separate constructs.

[@kj4242]

Dr. T Grande is unfortunately one of the few in his profession that do an excellent job taking amorphous, complex, and difficult topics and explaining them in a logical coherent way.

[@kj4242]

I am very curious what assumptions Dr. G believes are made in the DSM and in the mental health dicipline in general what a high functioning and robust, healthy person looks in a general sense. What do such individuals have in common???

[@cunningfolktattoo6143]

Yes ,my fav channels are this one,and 'Live abuse free ',is very useful info

[@mijiyoon5575]

Agree, that is not at all easy

[@bbsonjohn]

praising someone by starting with the word unfortunately. I want to experiment on this style on my writing

[@kj4242]

Yes, I see the potential awkwardness, or why the use of a contradiction has the tendency to attenuate the point being made. Thanks for pointing out

[@orchidsrising7910]

My ex thought bullying and being the “master” manipulator made him mentally strong and my empathy made me weak, so I don’t live with him anymore

[@orchidsrising7910]

B K I know, that is what I realize now... the real strong honorable men I’ve known in my life have had a moral code of civility, respect and protection of the weak 💗💗💗 edit: weak sounds like a negative word, but I’m talking about the physical strength of a male vs a female 🥳

[@Roudter]

'empathy' is definitely the wrong word here...

[@RealHealthyGuidance]

Don't write about me here on YT!

[@orchidsrising7910]

Roudter What is the right word, could you tell me. Or is there even a word for Stockholm’s Syndrome. It’s real. I’m doing my healing, though and letting that past go. Peace and thank you for your insight I probably sound dumb, but I would appreciate the right word, if you have a more accurate one

[@personalcheeses8073]

Orchids Rising Eathy made perfect sense to me in the context you were using it

[@Jazzmusiek]

Thank you for the video. I have PTSD. I opened up to a friend recently about my condition; I’ve kept it a secret for years. I’m paraphrasing... but he told me that he is stronger than me, because he thinks more positively than I do; that he chooses not to live in a negative past. If I didn’t know any better, I would have believed him. Informative videos like this have helped me combat negativity.

[@steadypace1262]

This friend was insensitive to you,If this is a pattern with them they may be a frenemy.There are plenty of them around.All the best,I understand ptsd.

[@mariee.5912]

PTSD is not a choice. It's your body reacting to a trauma. That was insensitive.

[@nealteitelbaum8660]

I have PTSD too and usually keep quiet about it for the same reason as you but you may want to forgive your friend. He just doesn't understand and there is no way you can realistically explain it to anyone but a professional or another person suffering from the same thing.

[@Ikaros23]

I agree. I had ptsd, talk to a therapist or a friend you know is intelligent and has empaty. Talking to non therapists about advanced topics can be a hazard/risk of beeing retraumatised when they come with « advice» and dont know you condisjon

[@machinethesun9243]

I had EMDR treatment for PTSD along with several years of therapy, it helped tremendously. But new people I meet tell me I'm restricting myself by "living in a no world that I've constructed for myself". It gets phrased differently depending who says it but that's the basic message. Anyway, they might be right, but I never really know how to deal with this, so sometimes I just blow it off and say something like "maybe in my next reincarnation I'll get born with a different set of cards and assigned a new personality, but for this life journey for better or for worse this is what and where I am."

[@OneAmericanWriter]

I bet people who want to know how to be "mentally strong" want to know how to make good choices, and how to recover quickly when they don't. People like me for instance. Thanks for great content!

[@rhondamarshall4152]

Another question: if you can't control how "mentally strong" you are (if mental strength even exists), then you can't control your so-called personality disorder either!! Why are people constantly judged by others about this?!

[@bertzerker747]

Donna, factually I'd be upset if you actually meant bait, not bet. 🤔

[@sstritmatter2158]

Yes - resilience. Don't be too hard on yourself we ALL face difficult things. It's like courage - not the absence of fear but control of it. Sure - safely exposing yourself to challenges may yield results.

[@StephanieBadAzz]

I like how you think carefully about what you’re saying and it seems like you’ve done your research.

[@lavonnecornellcollins8460]

He looks at all sides of the issues and I agree he does thorough research and is careful in his assessments..

[@trulydisappointed5142]

''It's largely discarded now of course because it's a terrible idea'' gotta appreciate the honesty

[@heidigriffin6260]

Thanks for your knowledge you share with us . I was also wondering if you had anything on Stockholm Syndrome? It's something , "I've been trying" to learn about it. It's good to know

[@attheranch873]

Perspectives on life that made me mentally stronger are: living one day at a time instead of always in the future, knowing to do first things first, and knowing that this too shall pass. I haveC- PTSD so these things have helped me to be more balanced. Maybe balance is a better word than strength.

[@betterbee1304]

Easy does it. :)

[@NTraveller]

Dr. Grande, please, do "good energy" & "bad energy" (vibes, etc.), "positive" and "negative" people. Its another popular concept

[@edunlap6594]

OMG this. Law of attraction, lol.

[@vals74]

Yes, please do

[@SurabiJoshi]

@@edunlap6594 Don't get me started on the Law of attraction! It is so freaking annoying.

[@edunlap6594]

@@SurabiJoshi Exactly. People get on my last nerves with that BS.

[@orchidsrising7910]

I have to go raise my frequency now 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@elianaboer7078]

Really glad I listened to this. I’m in treatment for ptsd and I deal with so much guilt just bc I feel like I am just mentally weak. I feel it is more beneficial to stick with the trait thing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@Production791]

Eliana Boer Being mentally strong for too long in trying to deal with trauma/ ongoing stress etc is Not being mentally weak ❤️ I wish you well with your treatment.

[@ladymopar2024]

I suffer with PTSD and night terrors, people that don't understand do you think you're mentally weak which is really sad they don't have the experience that we do

[@ladymopar2024]

@@brusselsprout5851 good for you I haven't received mine through the time I was in the service and things I went through and saw, I still have nightmares but going through them I'm writing about them and having a good team is so wonderful. You stay strong to ❤

[@blahboidblah]

@@brusselsprout5851 are you saying you have PTSD because of the professionals who treated you?

[@ladymopar2024]

@@brusselsprout5851 I know this is the 30th but I have to tell you I just had a night terror can't get ahold of my counselor. I have my companion cat and I'm listening the doctor Grande's videos because he had such a calming voice wish me luck LOL I'll be okay in a couple hours I hope you're having a wonderful day

[@Justine-ut8ho]

I love when Dr.Grande chuckles and says “This is.....normal.”

[@ananimity7332]

Thank you very much for this video Dr. Grande. I suffer with depression and Childhood PTSD and my siblings (who went through childhood trauma as well as I did) tell me I should "just get over it" or "put it out of your mind." I try to explain to them what I experience but the replies stay the same. I know some of my siblings deal with depression but they refuse to go to therapy to be diagnosed because to them seeking help is a "weakness".Thank you for saying how wrong it is to say those statements to people who suffer with depression.

[@firehorse9996]

@Ana Niminity I'm a bit hesitant to write to you because your photo scares me... Stop looking to your siblings for validation. In dysfunctional families, each child has his/her own unique experience (Golden Child, Lost Child, Scapegoat) so me and my brother and sister do not seem to share any of the same memories. It's f*cked up. They also choose to live in denial and stay on our dad's payroll and tell me to "just get over it" and "move on." Me, the scapegoat -- the truth teller -- recently started EMDR therapy and going deep down into the original childhood wound, cleaning it out and airing it out, as says repeatedly "We Need to Talk" with Kris Godinez. Kris will tell you that you are the mentally strongest one for doing the hard work instead of just pushing down your feelings. You are the only one who will truly heal. Stop discussing it with your siblings or they will just impede your progress. My mother is so threatened since I told her I am going to a therapist. She's totally unsupportive and wants me to stop. Exactly the kind of behaviour you would expect from a Narcissist family. You gotta break free of them. Happy Halloween!

[@ananimity7332]

@@firehorse9996 Thank you for your comment and I hope you have success in your therapy. I don't look to anyone for validation. I was merely saying what my family say and think. I don't talk to my family often about the past. Sometimes they bring it up. I wish you all the best. Happy Halloween

[@lmerlot4328]

PTSD has direct correlation with what are known as Samskaras or Etheric cords of attachment which create a loop that repeats, the memory triggers the feelings and vice versa the longer this goes on the stronger the cord becomes. So traumatic events create hooks in the etheric body which become weak points that drain energy and are stumbling blocks. They are also created from other experiences such as sexual activity with another person. Having these removed works wonders.💫

[@ananimity7332]

@@lmerlot4328 I'm going to look more into this..thank you

[@lmerlot4328]

@@ananimity7332 Best to you!💕

[@redbaron2455]

Lol when people say "you're brave for going through this" as if i had a choice to go through it

[@maidmarion2976]

I don’t think they actually analyse what they say. They just want to support and get alongside. But it is irritating.

[@rebeccacarraway480]

Your reaction is your choice, so kudos for coming out the other side.

[@sehlaw5311]

@@maidmarion2976 TRUE

[@JuneLiesel]

"The term has pathologized normal behavior and strengthened the ill-conceived notion that mental illness is caused by as mental weakness." This is the best thing I have read in a while. Addressing this is a huge part of addressing mental health stigma. We all have differing personality traits that are more helpful or less helpful in certain situations, and there are so many factors that go into causing mental illness.

[@ph6560]

I'm so amazed about how knowledgeable, sharp, intellectually fair and articulate Dr. Grande is. I haven't found a single video on this channel which made me bored, or, made me question the intent for bringing up some of the topics of these videos. (Many youtubers of this type tend to give in to sensational explanations and content to keep and attract viewers.) Also, I feel I'm learning something new and interesting for every video I watch!

[@elizabethmorre8567]

I found out that “gratefulness” in a daily basis puts me towards a strength that makes me face the difficult times/challenges in life.

[@alicearcturus8610]

Thank you! I feel better. I thought I was a loser because I have not handled things so well at times. I have yelled, screamed and even cried when I have made a big mistake and realized I could not undo it. It is a type of fear and weak people react badly to fear. So I have read many times. But, I have made it 66 yrs and have changed for the better. So glad for you to say that it is not being weak or strong. I have made it this far so that is a strength. I think.

[@JS-bt8ul]

I have PTSD since early childhood and had repressed the memory until they started surfacing when I turned 47. It was a shock for me and it did a number on my self-esteem as I started telling myself how can I be normal if I forgot so much, and asking myself how screwed up I really am and how can I get to be normal? I ended up crying a lot and so my still lingering question was how to become mentally stronger. So thanks for this video. I know I have lots of discipline but not all the time and need to acknowledge that perfection is an illusion.

[@PhilSmulian]

Hey Todd, your videos are deepening my understanding of mental health and behavior, my own and other people's. This is helping me get out of a really dark space, in ways that love and support from others have failed to do by themselves. Science rules. Thanks so much.

[@OtterUnderwater]

I dealt with quite a bit of loss in my childhood. In an effort to SEEM mentally/emotionally strong to myself and others, I've been intentionally numbing my emotions for almost 14. My frame of mind was, "having to miss people when they leave my life sucks, life would be a lot easier if I just didn't have to deal with these emotions." However, as I've gotten older I've learned firsthand that you can't really appreciate the good times without experiencing the bad times. That's putting it simply, but I believe it to be true. Ever since that realization a few years ago, I've been trying to allow myself to feel normally. But it's been quite a process. I'm always self-sabotaging my friendships and potential relationships simply because people getting close to me still gives me a weird sense of anxiety. I hate that I've done this to myself. 😢

[@kt6852]

Having compassion for and acceptance for yourself, your emotions, where you've been, and where you are in life right now can help to ease some of that pain and guilt you are feeling. Be easy.

[@annemorgan2064]

I love the way you organize your information, it’s very helpful! Thanks! Also, I embrace the idea that I am neither mentally weak nor mentally strong!

[@egonrhoodie2745]

Dr Grande my TV has been off since I discovered your channel the lockdown is soul draining I'm glad there are people like you!! 😇🙏👍🎊🎉

[@vals74]

It is an interesting concept. In my opinion I believe that we all have good and not so good qualities. Coping skills are often confused with mental strength, while mental illness is labeled as weak. For instance, I used to believe that if a person suffered a nervous breakdown they were crazy. Until I finally realized that anyone can have a nervous breakdown depending upon the circumstances and the mechanism of coping skills required. Thank you for addressing this important topic. I am often told I am strong, but I know that it may simply appear that way to others. Really, comes down to coping skills.

[@MeggyLynn]

Doc you are a class act!! I admire how you dismiss the idea of mental illness being associated with weakness. The intense pain and terror that mental illness can cause, on a daily basis and people hang in there, so strong are these people. Thank you for your eloquence in speaking of this topic😃

[@miaward7668]

Thank you. I was raised under the motto that I had to be "mentally strong" and it was not healthy at all. On therapy I was able to understand that I was raised to impossible standards that not even my parents abide by, so I have been working on "lowering my bar" to stop feeling so anxious and miserable about never feeling good enough. So yeah, I agree, that term does not help at all, specially when used as a "catch all" for any perceived negative trait in someone.

[@mikelobrien]

I saw that TED Talk, and thanks for mentioning it. BUT more importantly, YOUR video is a breath of fresh air in the "What's Wrong with Me?" social media genre. We are all more NORMAL than popular culture would want us to believe. This video is VERY edifying. I hope it goes viral! Thank you for addressing this important issue! :-)

[@czypauly07]

This is *gold* and needs waaaaaay more views.... C'mon folks let's thank the good Dr and share the shit out of this thing!

[@lizwinkelaar3613]

Yes this should go mainstream.... psychology today article doctor?

[@danielc5205]

"How can someone avoid becoming mentally weak?"- Stay away from toxic people, and toxic environments if possible.

[@dogie1070]

Maybe go to the gym? Strength training the body can affect you mentally.

[@jimjam1719]

start using steroids.

[@annehynynen8153]

What if it is your parent who is being toxic?

[@jackedkerouac4414]

@@annehynynen8153 To emotionally distance yourself from their verbal abuse pretend that you're studying them for a book on abnormal psychology lol

[@mariankeller5852]

Its not always possible to avoid all toxic situations unless you lock yourself in your house.. you need to learn how to deal with this type of adversity and not take on what doesn't belong to you

[@kocerarif]

Mr Garande, as one of your earliest followers, I was sure that your light would shine on millions on here. Wish you health.

[@penelopelambson9128]

For some mental strength is a combination of accepting reality/ (the seen) and having faith/ hope in the unseen. Doing what is needed for survival while maintaining the self through hope and faith for a positive outcome.

[@dorkygirl97]

I have bipolar and it eats me alive everyday. Many people in my life tell me how strong I am. I appreciate the recognition, but it's the resilience that allows me to withstand circumstances.

[@mcd5478]

I really appreciate this video. As an RN, many times I feel that if I were “mentally stronger” I’d be better able handle my feelings of inadequacy. Seeing the realities of human suffering can be overwhelming. Now I’m thinking that those feelings may better explained by a personality trait with a high degree of empathy...which sounds a lot better than being mentally weak 😆😅

[@deanapecorale3549]

(That's not a mental illness. That's just not having any reasoning skills.) This should be a quote on your Dr. G merch.

[@DiddleDangle]

Your videos are the only ones I've found that are not only balanced but they're not validating or trying to give some confirmation to a "hunch" that you might have about someone you know or about yourself. Too many videos on here by people with dubious credentials are trying to be that validation porn. Thank you for not being that. Thank you for just stating that something is what it is without trying to push someone in one direction or the other or encouraging someone to attach their bias to what you're saying. I know it takes some serious restraint but thank you.

[@villebooks]

Hallo Dr. Grande, as an extended version on mental strength, it would be interesting to learn, why in most societies, people with less empathy are associated with mental strength, which is one factor, why women are labelled as being weaker (ref. to business, economy, politics).

[@ZekeMan62]

Women are not seen as weaker because they have more empathy (and its highly debatable that they actually do), but because they value empathy and emotion in general over reason and rationality. Even men that are seen as weak (the beta males that most women dislike) tend to think and perceive in a much more emotional and less rational manner than Alpha males.

[@starrychloe]

Ezekiel Watters - T/F is the only scale in MBTI which is correlated to gender. 75% men are T, and 75% women are F.

[@Catlily5]

@@ZekeMan62 Many men are not as rational as they think.

[@ZekeMan62]

@@Catlily5 That is true, but exceptions don't negate the rule.

[@ZekeMan62]

@@starrychloe I wasn't aware, but 75% sounds about right. If you had asked me to speculate on the number of exceptions on both sides of the gender line I'd have said around 20%. I'm an INFP - one of the most emotional types - and even from my perspective females seem more emotional and less rational (On average of course. I have met and known many exceptions.)

[@parsellart7805]

Good point. I never think about someone being weak or strong. They may be going through a rough time. That is when they need support.

[@ricklongsea3654]

Weak or strong, life throws enough at us without developing mindsets or expectations that have us aspire to be one or keep us as the other.

[@ronwisegamgee]

Thank you for making this video. I appreciate the de-stygmatization of mental illness by the debunking of "mental strength/mental weakness" that you've presented here.

[@rhobot75]

Hi, Dr. Grande! I'm sharing this tonight on my quit smoking page on Facebook! You know, cuz people say they don't have will power or aren't mentally tough enough. Which is not true- you have to be smart. I already watched this twice, a while ago, however I have a whole long list of videos I ongoingly watch to screen for my all-inclusive public page. And when You Tube brought me this one, I was happy. So okay back to my viewing, first, but I already know I'm sharing it-----Thank you!!!

[@commonsense2680]

I come from a family line that does not "believe" in psychology or psychiatry. Therefore I have heard from both parents my entire life to "just snap out of it" or "stop being so weak minded" etc. although I have been diagnosed by several psychologists and 3 psychiatrists as having major depression, PTSD (one from early childhood and one from only about 5 years ago). I have always felt terrible about my weak mind and how I cannot be strong like my family, although there is mental illness in my family but the family just ignores my uncles who suffer from such illness and take meds for it. I do not know how to stop feeling guilty for my weak and pathetic brain and have tried everything but it seems to not help. I do appreciate hearing from you Dr. Grande because I respect your logic and intellect so I can put some weight on your statements but it is hard to undo 50 years of my family's view on psychology.

[@taracate88]

Sounds like people are confusing being “mentally healthy” with having good emotional regulation skills. I think people who are “mentally strong” are in control of their emotions and reactions because they handle stressful situations with reasonable behavior but I don’t behave reasonably when I’m emotional.

[@sarahstrong7174]

But maybe some people could be too much in control of their emotions & reactions, to the extent that they never show them, even with friends, & maybe do not even readily recognise their own feelings or know how to express them appropriately? So is it that when there are extremes in any direction it is then that difficulties & imbalances arise?

[@taracate88]

Sarah Strong in psychology, a Disorder is described as something that causes issues in your life. So I don’t think it’s necessarily only the extreme that qualifies. You can get depressed because something happened and you just don’t get over it. You might not have as many symptoms as someone else or you might have more. As long as your life is negativity affected by your behavior, then it needs to be addressed. I felt like I was just a crazy person because I felt emotional about something when everyone else was already over it, or my mom would tell me to get over it instead of trying to help. I got confused because she said that I was selfish but then she would tell me to mind my own business. I didn’t have any really bad reactions until I was an adult and to me, I felt like I was just finally fed up with the way I was being treated but I was really taking everything that I was frustrated about and exploding on someone who was innocent. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it is from not feeling validated as a child as well as being emotionally sensitive and feeling neglected. I’m not saying my mom was abusive or anything but she is bipolar so she doesn’t have the control to teach me. I found that Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been really helpful because it is basically all the skills that I didn’t get growing up. It teaches about mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal relationship skills. I suggest it to anyone who wants to control their emotions more. I’m just realizing I went on a rabbit trail but basically, I don’t think you have to be extremely effected. I’m learning how to be more in control and sometimes it’s not possible to do that because its too extreme of an issue. I think people sometimes feel like they are not going through something as bad as they feel like they should be in order to get help when you totally should get help, like people who have a runny nose thinking they don’t need a doctor. In mental health, the runny nose is often a symptom of something else so go to the doctor anyway. Pretend you’re a first time mom and call the doctor for everything! I just mean mental health care, I don’t mean actual medical care, lol. It’s good to establish a relationship with a therapist before you need them because you are more comfortable sharing.

[@taracate88]

That’s all my opinion and again, I am not an expert or anything, I just have been in a lot of therapy.

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@taracate88 Thankyou for your very thoughtful, informative & helpful answer. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy sounds good & I am glad you have found a positive way forward. I am trying to recover from extreme abuse as a child so I am having to work on myself too. I have more peace of mind than I used to do but still feel shakey about life at times.

[@taracate88]

Sarah Strong i still suggest DBT! I’m also suffering from a form of abuse. There is a book called “the dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook” and it’s green. They teach you about what you deserve too so when you’re blaming yourself or whatever (I just use that as an example because it’s so common to blame yourself for abuse someone else is giving to you). There’s a page about what you have a human right to feel. I had a hard time with that because I was confused between what I was responsible for and what other people were trying to blame me for. Like when women who are told they are the reason their partner cheated on them, they believe it. There are way more things than that to learn from this book that might help but that’s just something that came to mind immediately. I think Katy Morton talks about the book in one of her videos if you want.

[@kj1013aolcom]

This is like therapy for me! In the sense that I am currently reading a book called radical candor, to use in my work as a supervisor. This video made clear to me what expectations are acceptable for me to have of my coworkers. I want to be able to guide without trying to change a behavior that isn't actually bad. So when I have " radical candor" I'm staying on target with appropriate feedback for them (and myself). Thanks Dr Grande!

[@iammaximus614]

Surrounding with Good People, Family, Friends, Audio/Video, Personal Library for the Love of Reading Great Books, for personal development & empowerment ie: Personal Biographies, Napoleon Hill, O.S. Marden, Being Happy, How to Win Friends, Psycho Cybernetics, For Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Instructions, Guidance & Most important.... Discernment 🧐 No one is doomed, Unless you allow it too, Which is a Daily Battle for All of us. Become The Best You, Everyday in Everyway! Thank you for sharing your knowledge & understanding in these videos

[@pedinurse1]

I must say Dr. Todd, your logic and knowledge amaze me. You are such a great help.

[@alibre4484]

True. You have to have a balance of all to be a well liked and well rounded person!

[@maryhill4079]

I’m watching this now after this long lockdown in the USA I bet a lot of people are thinking a lot different then a year ago ! I want everyone well and to be able to be free to come and go at will. Being a senior, I’m praying everything will go back to normal soon. Your talks are wonderful. Thank you.

[@GodsgalMN]

Thank you for clarifying these pop culture terms that label people in unhealthy ways.

[@S3RAVA3LM]

I think mental strength is having a disciplined mind with righteousness being the pinnacle. Knowledge, understanding, wisdom, trails, mistakes, accomplishments & failures is the proccess to maybe not mental strength persay, but honing ones power in action & thought so we become who we're supposed to be.

[@remoskins1437]

I've subscribed because I'm not just learning about others but also myself. I'm discovering how people manipulate for their own gain. I thought it was just me. Now I know it wasn't. People can be cruel. This channel helps me see the signs I should be watching for. Keep making videos Dr. Grande and I'll keep watching.

[@versacegirl805]

I have ptsd and people tell me I am so strong. But I don’t feel strong. I feel actually weak if anything because it causes me so much problems. It can be embarrassing as well. I also have depression which again I get told how strong I am for all I been through. Again I feel weak. But in reality it’s neither. I am surviving daily and survived. Think about it weak or strong doesn’t make sense to me. I am doing what anyone else would do going through these things. It sucks but it is what it is period! Sometimes when I hear people say they are strong is their ego getting in the way? Or is it they are saying I am resilient and came out ok for all they went through. Thank you for this insight Dr.

[@lisabenson]

This is one of the best discussions I have heard on mental health. The fads, and trends are discounted. Real situations are explained and to be expected. Adore this video. Thank you Dr. Grande!

[@robyndawn]

The idea of mental strength makes me push myself to a breakdown everytime. Ty so much Dr. Grande, i really needed to hear this.

[@soilmanted]

Being fearful of dangerous things is protective. Being fearful of harmless things, and being fearful of imagined dangers - that is something that limits one's opportunities.

[@lavonnecornellcollins8460]

I think mental strength exists and is a positive thing. I feel I am mentally strong (healthy), but I don't look down on people who struggle with challenges. I try to lift people up when they are feeling down, encourage them to see the positive in situations and love them where they are. I was raised to always be there for others and it has taught me how to be more empathetic. I don't think I could have survived the things I've been through if I wasn't mentally strong, ie., death of father at an early age, death of husband, death of son and more. I appreciate you and look forward to more of your videos.

[@allyson5712]

Love your explanations, as always. I never quite understood what mental weakness and strength really meant. Also, happy you brought to light that the world does not owe us anything. I personally strive for balance, moderation (don’t think that extremes are very functional), acceptance, resilience, and embracing life to the best of one’s ability. Great video, Dr. Grande.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

When it's hitting the fan and spinning out of control I sort of disconnect from my feelings about it and focus on a course of action. Live to emotionally obsess later. Survive now.

[@freshlimejuice]

I love all the resources Dr. Grande has provided for us with his 100's of videos. I've been learning so much and trust Dr. Grande's astute analyses of the content. Thanks Dr. Grande!

[@Isabel-hf5du]

I can listen to this man all day. So much wisdom!

[@tljims1]

Your presentation makes more sense than any of the therapists that I have experienced.

[@sheilalopez3983]

I am a quiet person, but I am very strong willed. A lot of neuroticism, and all the other isms stems from trying to please others or caring too much what others think. I will tell YOU what I used to tell my children. YOU have as much right to be in this world as ANYONE else. Stay strong. Stay well. Stay cool 😎😎😎.

[@brianpistolwhip]

I didn't actually know these were pseudoscientific terms. In fact, I did view myself mentally weak due to my years of mental illness and have been plagued with low self-confidence for oh so long. It's nice to hear an informed person tell me that I'm not actually weak, who also understands that I never chose to have depression or negative thinking patterns.

[@Marcelube]

Thank you so much, Dr Grande. You're the man. Changing the subject, I'd like to make some suggestions for videos: What are the similarities between codependence and narcissism (what aspects of nascissism do people raised by narcissistic parents manifest?)? What to actually do if you're counterdependent and want to get better (less counterdependent)? Thank you again Dr Grande. I learn a lot about life and people from your content.🙌🍀💕😎

[@adam1780]

Dr. Grande, Have you read Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukiannof's book, "The Coddling of the American Mind"? What do you think of the central thesis regarding anti-fragility and the possibility that current parenting trends are exacerbating anxiety and depression in the "i-gen," age demographic?

[@BeingBetter]

This could be related to toxic positivity. Excess praise, disingenuous lavish praise in comments to mentally ill KZbinrs. Toxic.

[@traciehigginsChaCha]

This was enjoyable and makes perfect sense after you break it down. I can’t imagine someone telling a hurting person to basically suck it up. Be strong and move on. So sad but it was a good teaching. Thank you 😊

[@gertrudchristensen6266]

I really liked this one very much: thank you. I dont really like the need to see it as weak or strong. Rather: Does it hurt others/yourself or not - but i understand the need to define it as such.

[@duaneblake7986]

I very much liked this analysis. Definitions are literally everything, whether in psychology, law, logic or life! Thank you for bringing this out.

[@OldToughDW]

I agree that undefined terms do harm. Mental health is a range of emotions, behaviors and thought patterns. However if you leave the limits of those things undefined, then you have no distinction between mental health and mental illness. Distinctions are important, because when used reasonably they clarify the situation, and undefined terms are an attempt to remove distinctions for one reason or another.

[@hjalmarwidmark5906]

Thank you Dr Grande for being articulate, understanding science and defining things. It helps me alot

[@Nick-pd2yo]

Finally a professional speaking on sensitive and gravitational topics

[@ZombolicBand]

I always think of mental strength as being able go handle trauma and to move on without developing destructive behaviors or self medicate.. I know ppl who has been through alot more than me, but they are doing really well in life, it seems.

[@SynergyCeleste]

I always felt that the world owed me more than I was getting...some sort of balance...to make up for the years of abuse and neglect, that I felt was my lot in life.

[@raam726]

1. G8ve their lower to others. Allowing others to make decisions 4 them 2. Feel sorry for themselves. 3. Feel the worlld pwes u smthng. 4. Styng in a closed mind. Wanting to be liked. 5. Doing something without caring bout consequences.

[@sherylb421]

Dr. Grande, all I can say is that you are amazing, your content is so valuable and has helped me so much.

[@marinelalarsen3768]

Thank you :) It's a relief to hear that from you. Thrre are not many psychologists and proffesional therapists who will be honest and open. Most of them have attitude and "proffesional" distance so sometimes they don't help at all.

[@willotoole5900]

Another good one. Forgive me if you mentioned this point and I glossed over it as I multitask while listening to podcasts. But I feel often when people say mental strength they are refereing to mental resilience which cam be built but it certainly has a genetic component. The analagous about mental fragility is true.

[@joeldiaz5857]

I really luv your serious academic approach to the topics that you present. Many other videos tries to inject silly humor and it really just distracts.

[@elisamastromarino7123]

This was a relief. Thank you Dr Grande! 👍🌹 Nice shirt, too. You're in season! 🍃🍂🍁🍂🍁

[@madnessunlimited1]

Dr. Grande this is an amazing viewpoint. I can't thank you enough for putting this up. Loved every point you made.

[@jaydawgg4047]

Thank you for calling this bullshit Dr. Grande. I’ve always hated these lists. The WORST advice has been circulating on social media in the form of these pictures or memes and lists. I’ve always admired your factual and unsensational approach in your videos. This is education not entertainment. The best I can find and I will watch and rewatch your material long after you stop posting.

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Love this Dr. Grande! You just blew the whole concept of mental strength away. Fantastic 😄😄

[@leebridenstine2806]

This is great..I appreciate you pointing out how the concepts of mental strength/weakness can be stigmatizing towards certain personality disorder traits

[@ladymopar2024]

I've heard this term told to me by people I'm mentally weak because I have PTSD and night terrors. I have to think that they just don't understand what I went through and what goes on while I have these night terrors. Picking hours and hours to calm down I've had people tell me that I'm not strong enough to just get over it. I think understanding goes a long way it supposed to mentally weak or mentally strong

[@skyedreams28]

In 12 Step recovery there is a saying “be smart, not strong” implying that seeking recovery, therapy included, is a “smart decision” that attempting to be “strong” on ones own works against and can sabotage recovery, like the “pull yourself up from your bootstraps” mentality.

[@pedinurse1]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I navigated much challenging and severe crisis in my life, I learned I would not die and that I would come out in the end OK, and that I would deal with whatever was leftover. . It was horribly scary, I could not control these circumstances and now crisis just don't scare me anymore. I even contemplated ending it all cause I felt I had been through too much sadness. I got over that through support of a friend. So glad I didn't do anything and just moved forward. I am very happy now and have a full life. I just handle the problem and thats it.

[@foteinibokorou6958]

mental strength comes with ethical living, ignoring new age toxic positivity, feeling blessed for the few wonderful things like having a job, a warm house and a healthy child, and mostly praying to our Lord Jesus Christ for all His blessings and the eternal life He Has blessed us with if we don't only think of ourselves

[@GeoMatRay]

Interesting discussion... If the term "mentality strong" is not strongly defined and demonstrably problematic, how about "mentally resilient"? Although being "weak" is often not a person's fault, it would hold one back from being successful and people would judge him/her automatically. Your videos are always educational and insightful. Please consider doing a video on proven methods to increase mental resilience.

[@ckyung1312]

I see a few people have already mentioned "resilience" as a substitute for "mentally strong". As a young adult studying psychology, I reflected and recognized that, as a troubled teen, there were many situational and circumstantial factors outside of my control that contributed to me having "resilience" - such as having at least one trusted person I could confide in (who happened to be a social worker), as well as the fact that my twin and I experienced many things together... So I never truly felt completely alone or hopeless, so I can't say I was "mentally strong" and that that was what got me through so many hot messes - because I sure didn't feel that way. Additionally, I had a strong desire to understand and forgive the people who were hurting us. What is supposed to be the outcome of the supposed mentally strong or weak? Is being "mentally strong" primarily an idea that westerners have concocted due to our highly individualistic and achievement-oriented meritocracy? Genuinely curious.

[@natashamudford4011]

I would like to hear more about Maladaptive Daydreaming. I wonder if this would be an example: I used to work for TSA as an airport checkpoint screener. I had one co-worker who made up this term "Fantasy Flight." If a passenger was particularly rude to that screener, he would say that they just won a ticket on the Fantasy Flight. When asked about the Fantasy Flight, he described it as a make-believe flight that was full of all the passengers who had ever been rude to him. This flight suffered all kinds of catastrophic events, killing off a few people with each event. Anything bad you can imagine happening was included in this scenario compilation. It was rather fun to listen to, and sometimes other screeners would contribute to the list of horrible events. From snakes onboard the plane to emergency landing in shark infested waters to shit-throwing monkeys on the remote island, it was one unpleasant thing after another... I never watched Lost, but from what I gather about the show, it was similar. So, even though this idea kind of brought together the screeners, it did seem to have a rather negative focus. Would this qualify as Maladaptive Daydreaming?

[@jnetttt]

The technique is meant to create an appropriate outlet for frustration, in your imagination, so you DON'T lash out and hurt others. Also, in the moment, it may be a useful way of redirecting the anger and buying yourself time to come down so you react differently like counting down from 10. Think Anger management techniques. Like with anything, it can become maladaptive IF it interferes with your life as opposed to help or facilitate a better quality of life.

[@Catssandra13]

I actually think your ex co-worker was not alone in this idea of how to vent his frustrations. I don't think it's a negative focus, those people need to vent. Anyone who has ever had to work with the public, and especially dealing with passengers in airports, has faced countless confrontations with rude and sometimes, verbally threatening people. These jobs can really take a toll on your mental health if you don't take care of yourself. I have no idea why, but it seems that people having to go through security checks or having to obey international flight laws about boarding planes and luggage weight rules brings out the most obnoxious behaviour in them. I have heard about this from a family member who has worked in an airport for years, and one of his jobs was as a ground attendant at the check-in counter. The horror stories! I love the idea of this Fantasy Flight, in my opinion it is a good tool for people who in reality, might otherwise feel like kicking some of these rude people. Thanks for this story :-)

[@Catssandra13]

@Mrs T Sorry for your unpleasant experiences. However, although an elderly person is an unlikely suspect for being a terrorist, there have been cases of terrorists taking advantage of vulnerable people who are passengers, and kindly asking them to please take some item on their person as they themselves cannot for some reason. Where I live, security is a very prioritized issue at the airport, and no matter how uncomfortable the security check is, or the questions they ask you, no one argues with it. It is after all, for the passengers safety. It is really unfortunate that some TSA employees are rough and unprofessional when it comes to their physically handling passengers. It doesn't have to be like that. And you can also be sure that while they are doing their check, there are security agents observing each and every passenger, which you are unaware of. 2001 was a huge eye opener in the USA regarding terrorists on planes. Personally, I would rather have the security people check and do their job, than have someone slip through carrying explosives, unknowingly.

[@natashamudford4011]

@Mrs T They believe in equal opportunity terrorists. And discernment is not really a factor in the job at all. If you alarm the metal detector or present too many anomalies in the body scanner, you WILL get a pat down. Might as well develop the skill of graciousness, and grin and bear it. Trust me, the screeners do not enjoy dealing with cranky old ladies, and your fellow travelers could probably do without the drama also. Perhaps different clothing choices would streamline your checkpoint experience. If you haven't asked for input from the screeners, it might be a good idea. And in case you were wondering, it was not a totally thankless job. There were MANY travelers who would express their gratitude to us. Some would smile and make polite conversation, crack jokes or even flirt. Some would even share their religious beliefs with us. One lady told me that I had a nice aura, and one guy called me his hero, and a father said I saved his family. Of course, those compliments were because I went above and beyond (too much to describe here), and those highlights are what I remember most about the job. Best wishes and happy travels!

[@natashamudford4011]

@Mrs T I'm sure you have made the list on many Fantasy Flights. Next time, don't leave nickels in your pocket. You seem to enjoy complaining... I bet you leave things in your pockets just so that you can get a pat down just so you can complain. Many US citizens are overweight, so your insults have a good chance of hurting feelings. And while I'm not as fit as I used to be, I can still fit into the size 4 uniform pants that I wore while working there for 13 years. I do like potato chips (and cookies, cakes, and pies), but they are not part of a ketogenic eating program, so I abstain. Perhaps you are taking in something that you should abstain from? 🍺🍸🍻🍷🍹

[@francescaverdi2555]

I have often questioned the idea of the common use of the term "a strong personality" - usually used to refer to someone who is dominant, talks over others, has set ideas and seems to live in their own world of problems which they carry around and talk about endlessly.

[@mirimiriela480]

"This is largely discarded now because, of course, it's a terrible idea" hahahahaha tell us how you really feel!

[@mydemon]

Videos should start off by "Welcome to my TODD talk" :)

[@yabe1496]

When I realized I have cptsd I inmediatly discarded the "weak" word of my self concept. It was like completing a puzzle that helped me develope self patience as the base for my recovery process. Great analysis Dr. Grande!

[@larryprimeau5885]

feeling secure in who a person is along with a sense of well being, I'd consider that a strong person.

[@tdesq.2463]

This is a straight up philosophical examination, and effective debunking, of a labeling schema that perhaps does generate profit for some Snake Oil vendors, while quite probably exacerbating the existing confusion experienced by much of their target audience. Valuable dose of reality here. Thanks, Doctor!

[@wadegoodwin6773]

You're a boon to the profession and people in general Doc. God bless your beautiful soul

[@glendaeddy859]

My sample is through extensive rationalization weighing the pros and cons with this scenario I've had my neck fractured in 3 places from Domestic Violence also soul searching during all of what occured I never turned to alcohol or narcotics due to everything I've personally experienced. I, went to work the next day smiling and not realizing helping people through their trauma. I've never bragged about it however during the time he had his hands around my head whilst sitting on top of me when I came too and looked at him he stopped and stood up. My other point is I've never let that get me down, depressed, whoas me either. I've done a lot of reflecting in 2013 when this occured I've also never charged him to this day amd he's never reoffended even after taking myself out of this situation so therefore it does take strength including will power to get out safely and part ways. Not too many people in society survive such an ordeal and remain 3 more year's without it ever reoccurring. Then finding and planning a strategy to safely leave. So I disagree with your opinion as I'm still very positive and optimistic as well as humble to be honest at time's I, also carry survivor's guilt. I, very much so being empathic still speak to him today face to face and forgave him. Forgiveness takes strength over revenge.

[@jacobreveles7222]

This has given me a lot to reflect on and come to terms of accepting the person I am. But it also leaves me wondering: How can I identify something that I do as being a personality trait or a behavior? I ask so that I'd be able to accept some qualities about myself and change others within me

[@tamarayoung2534]

I’ve become mentally stronger by eliminating toxic people, food, and places. Also chilling and doing things slower and purchasing less. Crazy schedules, spending, and people used to make my hands shake.

[@emilyunderscoremarie]

I love the distinction you drew in this video about schadenfreude! I never really thought about it that way. I am personally very high in agreeableness (sometimes to a fault)...but I never pre-emptively want others in my life to fail - friend or enemy. If I see someone I strongly dislike failed at something, schadenfreude is more of an afterthought "haha" thing, getting a few seconds of my attention.

[@MrJohnverkerk]

Dr Grande, many years ago (1986) I experienced something I still now refer to as a mental breakdown. One doctor at the time described my experience as a "collapse of the stress coping mechanisms". It is certainly true that during the three years it took to recover, I could not remotely cope with any stresses, positive or negative. Then late 2016, overnight, another collapse occurred. This time it was much more serious. Serious enough to invoke incessant confrontations with overwhelming desires to end the pain permanently. I can only describe the sensations as an utterly paralyzing, intoxicating blend of physically discernible terror, dread, despair, etc. Despite many desperate pleas and multiple emergency admissions, the medical profession has given me zero explanation or treatment. Not a single word. Does this seem like a mental breakdown or collapse? If so, what has gone wrong in the head of someone as I have described here?

[@mj_dolman5122]

Thank you Dr. Grande. I often see memes such as "20 Traits of Mentally Strong People" and similar concepts posted on Facebook. It always irritates me and I could hardly put into words why it irritated me so much. Perhaps I would say it was just too hard to apply. I mean if some random person wants to give advice on self improvement, why not start with one thing and give examples of how it might apply in real life contexts. A list is just too much to deal with. Thanks to your expertise, I can now rest assured it is best to ignore that kind of psychobabble entirely!