Six Signs of a Bad Therapist (Counselor / Mental Health Clinician)

This video covers six signs of a bad therapist (or really six signs of a less-than-ideal counselor). I'm using the word counselor here not necessarily to refer to a particular professional identity, but to anybody who can deliver therapy. A professional counselor would be included in that, but also a social worker, psychologist, marriage and family therapist or some other similar profession.
It's also worth mentioning here that most counselors are good. This video is focusing a lot of negative aspects that might be seen in the world counseling, but the vast majority of counselors do a good job under a lot of different circumstances. I tried to make this list fairly objective.
#1: Not being clear about licensure status.
#2. Falsely claiming doctoral-level competence.
#3 Suggesting or engaging in a friendship or a romantic/sexual relationship with a client.
#4 Incorrect diagnosing
#5 Dogmatic loyalty to one treatment modality.
#6 Confusing art and science.

[@gabe-po9yi]

What’s so sad is when people finally work up the courage to see a therapist and get a bad one, many never seek help again. I’ve known several people this happened to.

[@Hannah-zw9ow]

I had a friend who was like this about psychiatrists. He was given one medication one time that didn’t work for him, so swore off medication completely. He ended up having an episode in which he punched a brick wall so many times he shattered nearly his entire hand. He also threw me down a flight of stairs. Part of me hopes he finally got the help he needed. Another part hopes he’s suffering.

[@NastheVictorious]

I've been in that predicament too. Smh I've had trouble talking to people and working up the Courage to express my experiences of depression, suicide attempts and accused of being a liar by my own mother.m

[@immenseLOTUS]

I didnt trust any doctors or other medical professionals for years because i was treated badly by KU Hospital Psychiatrists when i was younger and they medicated the shit out of me

[@NastheVictorious]

@@immenseLOTUS same for me. I live in Springfield Illinois, and the hospital in my town is called "Memorial Behavioral health center" and a doctor assigned to me gave me the wrong medication and gave me a Higher Dosage that I wasn't normally use to. After taking the Medication, I felt myself become a Different person after waking up from passing out like I was Put to sleep. I didn't feel like myself, I couldn't draw, write, feel, I was numb to the other side of me and my emotions. I didn't take the medications that the Dr. Prescribed to me any more, so I threw em away in the Garbage. Told the Dr. It was a too high dose. The dr. Didn't listen to my Symptoms and never looked me in the eye. So I stopped seeing him.

[@palbo4]

My first therapist ghosted me during the pandemic, she didn't check in on me or even let me know if her office was still open. I'm pretty reluctant to find a new one after that

[@williamhill7312]

I had a therapist fall asleep during a session, put that in there!

[@msminicooper2010]

+William Hill I asked a psychiatrist friend: "How do you listen to all that negativity day after day?" He said: "Who said I'm listening?"

[@richardkurr4977]

Sadly, I had that happen to me as well. WTF!

[@williamhill7312]

Richard, I agree WTF?!

[@marysunshine5587]

That's horrible

[@DeadRedLipBombshellHutto]

Omg same here

[@CaraHTheRealCie]

I started seeing a therapist after I was sexually assaulted by my ex-boyfriend in 1997. This woman said she used the EMDR technique, but a therapist I saw later on said that what she was doing was nothing like EMDR. She would just tap on my knees while talking at me. She always told me that in order to get better, the most important thing was to find one therapist I could trust. She referred to herself as being "easy to talk to" but I found her very judgmental. One day after a visit, she said to me, "well, I'm glad to see you're doing so much better. You were a basket case when you first came here." I said "excuse me?" She said "I'm only saying you're doing better than when you first came here." I said "don't ever refer to a patient as a basket case. I was raped! How many people behave calmly and rationally after that kind of trauma?" I emailed her a few days later to say that I would not be returning as I did not care for her therapy techniques and I was deeply bothered by her use of the term 'basket case.' I apologized for ending the sessions because I was raised to be overly polite even when people are rude to me. Her response was "oh, it doesn't bother me, Dear. I'm not the one with the self-esteem problem." Horrible woman. If a therapist ever treats you the way this woman treated me during one of the worst times of my life, run!

[@mjowsey]

Thanks for sharing. It's horrifying how trained professionals can be so unprofessional!

[@LinnChanett]

I think the fact that you stopped in your tracks and set a boundary like that sais something about you. Whatever that is I lack it. And im glad you trusted your judgement, set a boundary and didnt let yourself be treated bad. The fact that there are people like that who become and manage to continue working as a therapist is horrible. Sounds like she has an ego like mine did, and then people who has probably spent their lives paying for other peoples egos and what not, has to pay for hers too. Just discusting.. :(

[@LinnChanett]

Kind of sounds like she was having a self esteem problem. 😂

[@aarfan44]

Wow!!!!! That is so disgusting and I’m so sorry!!!!! She needs to lose her license, immediately!

[@musings2022]

I had someone (another kind of counselor) say that exact same phrase to me and it was such a slap in the face and wake up call to what kind of ignorant and shallow person I was dealing with. Glad you got out of there.

[@suefarrand2906]

A specialist DV psychologist told me I would go back to my ex. When I said there was no way that I would, she stood up hands on hips yelling “I'm telling you how it is, I've helped thousands of women and I know what is going to happen”. I never went back, to her, or my ex.

[@hikikomoriarty]

She 'helped' thousands of women?? Really - I seriously doubt it!!! Good for you for rejecting both her and the ex. This person must lose her licence!

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

❤

[@kelseymariebell1357]

Wow! Good for you! Good for you for having strong boundaries! Wow!

[@WindWipper]

Another bad sign: when the therapist spends most of the session telling you HIS problems or talking about himself! lol

[@viksaggu9085]

WindWipper it’s tough because it’s also a way to create a therapeutic relationship

[@darladrury76]

Omg thats what everyone is saying. I had one on adderall and wow she talked. When my sister became a therapist is when i knew its all crazy. The only job is to listen act like they care.

[@maxinehussy1297]

OH MY GOD. That's disgusting.

[@MilosMomcilovic89]

Does that really happen?

[@applejellypucci]

@@MilosMomcilovic89 it does.

[@MollyMormonia]

One bad sign I have noticed is that some therapists are not skilled in deescalating clients. They will get them into the red zone and then just end the session, leaving the client quite distressed.

[@Bob_Loblawb]

THANK YOU! I had a marriage counselor who would tell us to go and write down and think about all the bad things that we've done to each other and then when we went back he didn't even remember us and said we should just move on. 😑

[@Catlily5]

This has happened to me so many times. I have to have five minutes at the end to talk about something else before I can calm down and leave in an ok state of mind.

[@BeckBeckGo]

Oo yes, that’s a good one

[@GabrielleTollerson]

YEP

[@DarthFurie]

Yes! I had a novice therapist who was on a provisional license who would always leave me in the worst emotional states at the end of the session. I hated going to see her and stopped after a few months

[@janetnash8588]

Another scary sign: When you tell a counselor or doctor that you are afraid of a situation with sexual predators and they accuse you of being "delusional"or a "liar" because they have no personal experience with predators or trauma. ....in other words they gaslight you based on their own ignorance of reality.

[@ragathnor326]

Actually very common.

[@janetnash8588]

@@ragathnor326 then why are they still permitted to practice, and destroy lives?

[@dustingaethje1332]

In general, a therapist that accuses you of anything is pretty much always gonna be in the wrong, unless under very, very specific circumstances (fe. a client is very clearly and intentionally lying to the therapist a lot or attempting to manipulate them).

[@steveedward7572]

What I've seen of therapy/counseling in the family I wouldn't ever trust thier judgement about anything. There are much smarter people on the Internet for free.

[@grownupandgardening4216]

Another very common one

[@kimberlycarrigan8824]

What you said about weaponizing diagnoses really struck home. I was diagnosed with manic depression as a teenager, so I've been dealing with this hell for a long time. One time, when I was about 19 or 20, I was having a really hard time, and this one therapist told me I was a narcissist. He told me I was refusing to eat because I felt superior to the people making my food. That killed me inside. I stopped going to therapy after that and suffered alone for years. The look on his face while I cried still makes me nauseated when I think about it. Thank you for making me feel that I'm not alone. I'm 50 years old and that memory still creeps up on me occasionally. That's how powerful "less than ideal" therapists are.

[@kimberlycarrigan8824]

@@brianzulauf2974 wow

[@LinnChanett]

I know the comment is 5 months old, but im SO sorry. I cried in therapy once.. first time and the look on my therapists face while I did has really made me feel like a discusting and worthless human being many times. Its really haunting. So im so sorry that your allso carrying around one of those. 😢

[@LinnChanett]

And its so true... less then ideal.. can be really really damaging.

[@kimberlycarrigan8824]

@@LinnChanett I am so sorry that happened to you! He obviously got into that job to give him access to victims. His sickness is not your fault. At all.

[@LinnChanett]

@@kimberlycarrigan8824 thank you ❤ i dont think she was a bad person, just needed much better understanding about menthal health. Its a very long story.. really :/

[@arts6325]

A red flag that is not easy to spot is when a therapist doesn’t refer you to another specialist if it’s something outside their expertise area and decides that they can do it themselves, most often motivated by money

[@johncorson6599]

Art S i consider that a serious flaw in the entire profession ..

[@jdr9419]

Art S yup I have seen that happen before. Usually the client becomes frustrated and leaves after spending good money and not getting any help.

[@ResidentMilf]

I'm so glad my therapist is salaried.

[@oliviacadena2036]

🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 $$$$$$

[@MsBlueHand]

Could also be an ego issue. They are unwilling or unable to recognize their own limitations.

[@davidbrienlantry8760]

Over 20 years ago, I met with a professional counselor to help me cope with the loss of my brothers. After about a month, while walking home, I met the counselor on the street and discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood. From that day on, whenever our paths crossed outside of the office, he would make eye contact, acknowledge me, without speaking and then change his path. I always respected that boundary.

[@tonyabrookes9931]

Admirable

[@Paarthurnaxdova]

He just didn’t want a free session

[@cnmxproductions11]

@@Paarthurnaxdova ha!🤣

[@cnmxproductions11]

Oof, couldn't do that myself bud.😬 I'd feel uncared for, unacknowledged, and unwanted, if my therapists did that. ( "therapists" as in current, and previous)

[@cnmxproductions11]

@@davidbrienlantry8760 I suppose. And what do you mean by a standing appointment "that I kept"?

[@cathleenchapman1541]

Almost 30 years ago, I was assigned a “ Christian therapist” who ended up sexually abusing me. I sued him & won; however, permanent damage was done...I don’t trust anyone, especially men. My lawyer discovered that he was not licensed even though he stated that he was pursuing a PhD in psychology. His brother-in-law, who started the agency, knew of this man’s history of abusing women, but still hired him because he needed a job. I cannot begin to express the trauma that this man caused! Plz beware!

[@tkenglander6226]

Soooo sorry that happened; you deserved so much better!!

[@hikikomoriarty]

Whaaaat!!! OMG, this so-called 'Christian' therapist is going *straight to hell* ... 👿🔥🔥🔥

[@AzimuthAviation]

@@hikikomoriarty People who believe in mysticism shouldn't be giving mental health advice.

[@Hypothetical-Being]

⁠​⁠@@AzimuthAviationno, they certainly should be allowed to give mental health help if they are qualified and able to separate their personal beliefs from helping others

[@AzimuthAviation]

@@Hypothetical-Being Sorry, but when demons and angels are part of their explanations of reality, what could possibly go wrong? A lot...

[@redcommander27]

When you mention making up diagnoses like "Angry Person Disorder", "Talkative Personality Disorder", and "Super Sad Disorder", it reminds me of how I used to joke that my brother had Assaholic Personality Disorder.

[@ambermac77]

Omg!!! My husband says assholic. 😂😂

[@venetiancat]

I would add, any counselor that shames you for feeling or thinking a certain way. When I told her how my (narcissistic) mother would call and attack me on the phone, and I would hang up, she said, "but it's your mother". I was shocked by such a response from a professional, and when I came to my senses, I left the counselor for doing that, and found a terrific therapist. Thanks for a very helpful video. Cheers, Julia

[@mattmarkowicz]

Alice Miller talks about the ubiquitous and harmful effects of the old addage, "Honor thy mother and father"....

[@shawnaweesner3759]

Good for you! 😷😊

[@royfr8136]

Good for you

[@amaokoro7000]

@@mattmarkowicz i don't think honour or respect for someone constitutes letting them abuse u or someone else , so I don't see how that's rlly harmful

[@pahtosh]

lmao, this counselor has no clue what therapy is. The right response to that claim is usually something along the lines of « how did you feel at that time » leading to more analysis of the emotions at play.

[@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284]

The first time I reached out to a counselor I was in my mid-20's. I was trying to work through childhood trauma. She sat quietly and just listened - without giving much feedback - for the first three or four sessions. At the end of the last session she rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, "You keep going on and on about your mother. You're over eighteen. Get over it." That set me back by decades. I'm finally now with a therapist working through my CPTSD at the age of fifty. smh

[@anabellecoetzer442]

It sucks that you had that experience with a counsellor. I had a similar experience with a friend who knew about my childhood abuse (caused by multiple family members), she turned to me and said with all your conflict with your family I feel most sorry for your oldest brother (the first person who started abusing me). I think I'm still triggered by that. I don't know anything that has felt more invalidating.

[@ladydj0]

I’m sorry that happened.

[@mariahconklin4150]

😱 wow that’s incredibly sad.

[@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284]

@@anabellecoetzer442 To you and Chill: I hear you both. These people are fundamentally right, but they're missing the real issue. While all of us would LOVE to be able to shrug off our pasts and go on with our lives with joy, we're struggling with ingrained reflexes. Emotional and physiological responses that we cannot control. To tell us to 'just get over it' you may as well tell someone to 'just stop your heart from beating so fast.' Not an easy task. But all people hear is bitching. They don't understand that we're looking for help to STOP those reflexes. And maybe part of the problem is that we don't understand what we need. Even if we did, we turn to the wrong people for answers. They don't know any more than we do. We need the RIGHT professionals to guide us through exercises that'll free us from our personal prison. Now how to find these wizards?! lol!

[@yuriination]

That's horrible! Ugh... there should be a way to report things like that.

[@randseedbin9440]

One sign of a "less than ideal" therapist is they have no idea when you will no longer need therapy. I knew one woman who was seeing a therapist 2 or 3 times a week for 7 years. There were no goals set nor any criteria for being "cured". She spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and said she felt no better than she did in her first session. That seemed like a form of therapy addiction to me.

[@kathryngeeslin9509]

Her therapist was addicted to her money.

[@LNVACVAC]

Cure in natural sciences only are regarded as existing when the cause for the illness is completely removed. The mind is a complex adaptative system, and many conditions regarded as illnesses don't have a single (but multiple) or any primary cause identified at all. Many people stay in therapy for decades not because the therapist is incompetent, but because the person suffers of a chronic and permanent condition. Your argument is like calling a medic or and intervention bad because it will not cure a disease like diabetes, which requires lifelong treatment. The mind in the same manner as the body can suffer lifelong distress, specially when there is genetic, fisiological and neurological co-factors. I specifically suffer of Narcolepsy without Catalepsy (ie. Hipersomnia) and my sleep is highly erratic. My erratic sleep afects my body and mind, specially to depression and anxiety. There is very little chance I will recover permanently of these problems without recovering permanently from Hipersomnia. And there is no cure for it.

[@randseedbin9440]

@@LNVACVAC Behaviorists would disagree with you. It doesn't matter why a certain behavior was adopted or what caused it. If we can eliminate the symptoms of a distress (fear of mice for example) then when the subject no longer has symptoms of that fear (through systematic desensitization) the cause is irrelevant and the therapy is complete.

[@LNVACVAC]

@@randseedbin9440 Behaviorism failed in it's project specifically because they disregarded problems like this. The fact some conditions can be successfuly treated trough their methods doesn't mean all people will respond to it, or all conditions. Behaviorism has no solutions for things like personality disorders.

[@Skank_and_Gutterboy]

Yeah, seeing counselor is bullshit. You pay 50% on their car and don't have a damn thing to show for it. If I'm going to pay that much for something, I need to see some results, and don't tell me some shit about, "That will come to you when you've put the appropriate time and effort into your problems."

[@sexybunnyxox]

When I first started going to therapy the woman suggested that I find the bright side of being forced into a relationship I didnt want( I was being forced into marriage and she didn't even understand it). I said I didn't want to see her anymore and will look for a new therapist. She SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE AND TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT MY THERAPY TO GET ME TO SEE HER AGAIN! They didn't even know I was in therapy! I didn't they them because they were against the idea and abusive! AND SHE KNEW THAT! She kept insisting that my parents weren't as bad as I said. How would she know? I was the one stuck with them for 18 years! I went to her office and demanded an explanation and she just smiled and said to schedule an appointment and we'll talk about it then! I told the receptionist I'm calling the police if she ever shows up at my house again.

[@Madronaxyz]

I had a similar experience. I think some people become therapists because they want to dominate people. I wish I had known that I could have reported her to the state licensing board. State boards take things like this seriouslyl

[@e.1766]

What do you do when the Therapist is Crazy?!?!?? Hope to God you're Away from All of them; living solitary in a Cave 100% Alone would be Better than dealing w/ Narc Parents/Family & DR! Much Love & Protection to You🍀🌞

[@pault9544]

Holy cow your therapist sounded like such a wacko! Where on earth do they hire these people!?!

[@maxalberts2003]

I doubt she was even licensed.

[@maxalberts2003]

@@pault9544 These are the types who are 99.99% of the time unlicensed and fly far under the state's legal radar. Many fringe Christian churches sponsor some of these creeps, "ordain" them and send them on their crazy way.

[@micheller6804]

I would add to the list counselors who are repeatedly late, miss, or reschedule appointments, and counselors who forget important details from one session to the next.

[@oliviacadena2036]

Or make you sit waiting on them for like hours in their crowded, smelly waiting room. That's always fun, when you're struggling and down! 😣😣😣😣

[@dawnparent1537]

Yeah I had a therapist who used to make people wait for hours while he puttered around the office doing things that a secretary should be doing. Then when he finally saw you he diagnosed you with anger issues if you were pissed. Didn't go back there.

[@maggie0285]

My therapist has rescheduled or canceled on me 4 times in one month and I've only been seeing her for 2 months. The last time she rescheduled my Monday appointment to Tuesday then she canceled Tuesday because she was sick again.

[@luminousmoon86]

I had a therapist who cancelled my appointments for like 5 weeks in a row, and then she had the audacity to call the police to do a wellness check on me (knowing I have trauma issues with male authority figures, having a huge cop with a gun wake me up at 8 am to "see if I was ok" was not great for my anxiety), because "patient has missed appointments"!! It was so infuriating. I missed them because her office called and cancelled. I actually badly wanted to have a therapy session, and the cancellations were really hard on me. It completely killed our entire therapeutic relationship.

[@luminousmoon86]

@ghostgaming Thanks. I was ok, fortunately. It was just a little scary and frustrating. I got a new therapist, so all was well. :)

[@hannahbonnanah3289]

The biggest red flag? When your therapist needs you more than you need him/her.

[@greengirldani]

oh yes. my old therapist actually talked about how the night before her coworker whom she was dating, broke up with her and didn’t want a relationship. i ended up being the one to be all “I’m so sorry that happened to you” and shit

[@nat3199]

I'm so glad I was exposed to extremely efficient/effective therapy from a young age... I've had many over the years and your comment reminded me of the time I'd been giving one therapist my background during our first session and they started sobbing. It made me question myself, "wow, am I really THAT f***d up?" I hope people keep sharing their experiences so that those seeking help can know they're not crazy, they're not alone and there is (good/great) help out there in spite of it all!

[@cruisingscenesandtakingbea4197]

A lot of therapists have a specific type of patient they prefer and will do their best to hang on to them as a client. Also they want someone who is going to show up on time to their appointments, not cancel appointments, pay their copays, not make them feel uncomfortable, not be too difficult to talk to, not be aggressive, etc. Some therapists DO need the clients more than the clients think. People dont talk about it as often but there is a fair amount of vetting on the side of the therapist. They can choose to keep seeing you as a client or drop you if you prove to be too troublesome.

[@thebigbadwolf639]

What about Bob?

[@QueenOfTheDamned]

​@cruisingscenesandtakingbea4197 Wow, that makes a lot of sense.

[@whatsername1180]

As for a bad therapist, I had a therapist that didnt believe my story about my abuse and told me to my face and to my mom that I was lying, that what I said happen could not have happened. That same year, I started having undiagnosedable stomach pains, I missed so much school. My mom took me to so many different doctors until one said that I have severe anxiety. My mom always believed my abuse and after that therapist told us that I was lying, I stopped going. So add people that dont believe your trauma.

[@FirehorseG]

I'm so sorry for that horrific betrayal by a therapist. Horrible, unprofessional and quite narcissitic behaviour.

[@spookyho5994]

that is horrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through that

[@trinity5842]

I'm so sorry my experience is not as extreme but I was being bullied at school to the point I couldn't eat, sleep and had anxiety depression and panic attacks. I went to a therapist at the hospital! She said that I was lying and making up the bullying for 2 years needless to say that I stopped going to her and stopped going to school but I did get my GCSES but being called a liar was more damaging to me than the bullying.

[@LinnChanett]

@@trinity5842 @trinity5842 a "therapist", not really a therapist.. but sort of, she works in the mental health field, told me that I was lying too. Or.. rather that I was imagining something that happened to me during my first shot at therapy, and that I was a mean person that just wanted to complain about people when i tried to say how my first T had behaved. But in general I wasnt believ by any of the mentsl health professionals I met, not even my mother. And not being believed is actually the worst trauma that I have experienced, its worse then bullying and worse then being controlled by a grown up like a robot, raged at and abused. Somehow not being believed about an experience that really cut your life in two, into before and after the life changing event.. is one of the worsed things that can happen. At least thats my experience.

[@jennifervierstraete7987]

After my bad experiences with counseling I drove hours out of my area and found 1 good one. I was struggling with alot after my brother died but I didn't have much money so sadly I had to tell my counselor I couldn't come to sessions. He gave me a great book on betrayal and grief and tons of resources to keep going!! No charge. It told me he cared about my healing and didn't want me to be without help in some way. I was a single mom, who wanted to manage my mental health so I could be there for my son. He said I was a hero. I am very grateful for him. He helped me on my journey to healing.

[@activemindset]

Wow this sounds amazing. Could you please share those resources? Thank you 🙏

[@susanne5803]

1.: 02:49: Counselor supplies "Story" when asked if licensed instead of "yes/ no". 2.: 05:32: "Doctor" despite doctorate not in a counseling related profession. 3.: 07:19: Counselor hints at possible "friendship" or even worse "romance". 4.: 10:03: Incorrect diagnosing; making up a diagnosis; "Weaponising" a diagnosis; stacking diagnoses; describing but not naming a diagnosis; confusing diagnoses, using unprofessional specifiers. 5.: 17:24: "One hit wonder", counselor has dogmatic loyalty to one treatment modality. 6.: 19:00: Counselor suggests therapy is "more of an art than a science" and cannot provide scientific explanations for how the therapy works. - Hope, that helps a little.

[@corsicanlulu]

there are worse than that by far. i dont even bother w/most therapists but i especially dont like to see therapists who are mothers, and if course thats hard because most women are mothers right? well one therapist was defending my narc mother when i just started talking about her, i barely said anything! i think mothers like to stick together in defense of eachother and thinking "theyre just doing the best they can" nonsense. when u have a malignant narcissist mother? they dont have good intentions towards u because of their pathology. they look to destroy their children but therapists dont understand that. therapists in general need to learn about narcissism and other cluster-b disorders in depth. why are they not learning this? instead they are invalidating and hurting people looking for help

[@rp338]

I am a big fan and proponent of evidence based treatment but I disagree with half of your last entry. Therapy can be more art than science in skilled hands. That doesn’t mean the science isn’t important. But emotional warmth and flexibility play a big part in finding the right fit.

[@MasterMalrubius]

Your writing doesn't calm me as much as Dr. Grande's voice.

[@LMYS5697]

@@corsicanlulu I think it's possible that narc mother's are also doing the best they can, and it just happens the best they can do is still terrible. I know from my history, and my parents history, that they were doing the best they knew how, it just wasn't good enough. I'm sorry your experience was as challenging as it was, and I wish you luck and peace in your future experiences.

[@joec1212]

George k Simon has been working with cluster b's for 30 plus years. He has written 2 books on the topic. His mode of dealing with them is to isolate the behavior and correct it in the moment. He doesn't play super nice with them. If you have or have to deal with a cluster b I would highly suggest his books in sheeps clothing and character disturbance in audio or paperback

[@TheDrrbc]

A counselor that projects their own feelings and thoughts onto a susceptible patient.

[@lizamartin4705]

This is what happened to me i think.

[@Tom-kt8lu]

That’s most of them ...

[@yafa.5]

My ex therapist wrote "hallucinations" on a sheet of paper and gave it to me saying : google it, it's your thing

[@jkg2088]

Giving advice can be harmful...

[@tonyabrookes9931]

I had one TELL ME why I was brought to tears by something he said. He didnt ask me, he TOLD me. He was so sure that he knew me better than I knew myself (first session btw) that I felt too embarrassed to call him out and tell him that he was wrong. His regard for himself and his "skill level" was astounding. I felt embarrassed for him

[@whosthtgirl]

I am a Licensed Counselor in DE and I have a masters degree in Professional Counseling. I have my degrees and Licensure card displayed in my office. Dr. Grande, sometimes I disagree with you on things but today, this video, I agreed with everything you said lol. Thanks for sharing this, people have the freedom to research their therapist and absolutely should. Also, it's your right to stop treatment at any time. When it comes to diagnosis, sometimes, I like to open the DSM5 with the client so they can see what I am reading and understand like I do. No one is perfect and Counselors are human beings but there should definitely be standards for quality of care.

[@heisenberg1898]

Why do all of you counselors try to bait clients over money? If you get ssi, why do counselors try to get them kicked off? Why do 96% of counselors lie to their clients? The statistics have been proven. So instead of helping clients their stepping on them. What's the point of manipulating clients and being so fake. You have your masters in master manipulation. You ALL NEED TO STOP ABUSING YOUR CLIENTS!!!!!!!!!!!! Wtf makes you so above that ppl have to pay you to talk to you anyway.

[@croach2194]

I do not like your use of the DSMS as if every one seeking therapy needs a label.

[@hikikomoriarty]

@@croach2194 I think if the client is there to seek a diagnosis, it is appropriate. In my case, it would've helped a hell of a lot if even *one* of the many doctors I'd seen had explained to me that I had Borderline PD, what it was, and where it came from. There are ways to broach the diagnosis without making the patient feel like shit about themselves. Saying it's a post-traumatic condition that causes chronic bouts of severe emotional dysregulation and difficulty with interpersonal relationships, would make sense and not be hurtful or stimagising. So many years wasted thinking I was just plumb loco crazy, I felt like I'd been left out in the deep seas of the ocean with no lifejacket, just all by myself, drowning, over and over and over... It wasn't until three decades later that I randomly came across personality disorders on the internet, and realised that was me!!! which was later confirmed by new emergency hospital doctors (who once again, refused to tell me, until I PRESSED them about it!). And I found out that's what I'd been diagnosed with decades before - it was in my medical files, but it had clearly done behind my back. OUCH.

[@pennypaints8091]

I had a therapist who was late (15-20 minutes) to 2 of our 4 sessions, and “forgot” about 1 completely. Then she laughed at one of my worries I told her about. I had never had a therapist that bad but one of my issues is giving people too many chances when they repeatedly show me they don’t deserve them. I almost made another appointment with her but I stopped myself, dumped her as my therapist, and also reported her to the company I found her through.

[@tea-chip-cookies]

I have this issue with life too. I give people way too many chances to hurt me over and over again and its lead to nowhere good at all. I'm 34 now and somehow need to learn how to be happy alone in life.

[@Nathalie7774]

Good. I’m in a similar situation. He skipped the last appointment without telling me. I’ve found him condescending and judgemental from the start. Keeps telling me his time is very important , seems disinterested in me and last week interrupted me and told me not to talk over him. Today I’m ringing up and putting in a complaint as well as ending any further sessions with that rude man. No therapy is better than bad therapy.

[@BrendenParker]

A psychologist once insisted I make amends with my abusive narcissistic sociopathic mother because "she is my mother, no matter what", even after several years of trying. I ended the visits there.

[@jenniferarmstrong4006]

I saw a counselor in my early twenties who, after a number of pointless visits which weren’t helpful, came right out and accused me of having a crush on him. It was so disgusting and shocking. Needless to say, I never went back.

[@earthmoves8116]

Same thing happended to me.

[@jenniferarmstrong4006]

@@earthmoves8116 I'm sorry to hear that : ( It goes to show us that, while I'm not by ANY means excusing their behavior, these people who are supposedly trained and educated to help us are more f***ed up than the ones they're treating 🤦‍♀️

[@joshthemediocre7824]

all this was needless to say. no offense.

[@Telltale.]

Wow. I work with psychiatrists and one of them accused me of “dating a patient.” I 100% don’t date at all for years now…so he was way off.

[@faithlesshound5621]

It sounds like he completely misunderstood the theory of transference and counter-transference.

[@shawnawagner8879]

I had a therapist cry when I told her why I was there. As I comforted her, I thought “This can’t be right.”

[@tkenglander6226]

I've heard that some therapists want to be authentic with their clients, which may mean to some of them that they will show their true emotions so clients feel heard; however, this type of authenticity doesn't work with every client. If a client feels like they now have to take care of the therapist b/c the therapist is crying a lot, that therapist has probably gone too far in allowing their emotions to show through.

[@potatopirate5557]

I've gotten more out of the past few years of educating myself and doing my own self exploration and audits than I ever did in the seven years of seeing therapists. I was an open book and they didn't clue me in to the fact that I was in an abusive relationship with someone who perfectly fits a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. They didn't catch on to the fact that I was making myself physically extremely sick from stress, trying to cope and do everything perfect. They didn't help me in any way. Nothing. Since educating myself, I've had countless epiphanies. The clarity I've achieved and the progress as a human being in these few short years compared to the rest of my life is astounding. I understand SO MUCH about myself, my childhood, my parents, my parents' effect on me, my parenting, my marriage, etc. I still have huge, eye opening epiphanies on a regular basis. It's helped so much. But I still need guidance on developing better skills for managing my issues day to day. And the damage had been done from all that wrong-headed stress I carried around for so long because everyone in my life made me feel like I had to. I am in life destroying pain all the time. I really wish I could find a good therapist who would be insightful and offer better ways of managing things but I can't seem to find any. I was hoping for some advice that would help determine early on whether it's worth wasting months getting this person caught up on your life just to see if they have something to contribute.

[@jennw6809]

I know so much more than my former trauma therapists, and they have done me SO MUCH DAMAGE. It's utterly shameful.

[@diane5593]

You have my experiences and life to a tee!!!❤

[@blueberry_pie]

7. sign: A counselor talks to your narcissistic mother secretly and takes orders from her about your therapy and gives reports to her! 8. sign: A counselor talks about other clients' personal lives, their secrets with names just for showing how much he knows.

[@kimmyball4961]

Run!!

[@greengirldani]

yep. mine talked about how her “amazing indian female student client” was “brave to be studying engineering” like yes. i agree that’s wonderful. im not here to know your other clients’ info or race, but you shouldn’t talk about other clientele with me, I’m not her. and if she said this, who knows if she talked about me to other clients!

[@johnbatson8779]

wish the therapist that my daughter visited had talked with my wife, then maybe the gaslighting and the ad hominem attacks that my daughter did would have been kept in check....instead we were just trashed for a whole year of therapy....what a waste of time and $$$

[@blueberry_pie]

@@johnbatson8779 hahaha who raised your daughter? Maybe you and your wife have some problems. Do a big favor and leave her alone, puppet master.

[@blueberry_pie]

@B O ꓭ I'll prepare a report to prove it, only for you. Wait for my report, Mr. Who Knows

[@user-wm4je4ct8y]

I had a "therapist" actually two of them who acted contemptuously. It's something they give off, a feeling they look down on you and dislike you and feel superior to you. The profession attracts narcissists apparently. Very harmful to get one like this who makes you feel a lot worse than when you came in, every time. Notice how they make you feel.

[@lizamartin4705]

Yes this therapist i went to just gave me dirty looks across the room. I stopped going thinking I'm not paying someone to not like me and let me know.

[@tonyabrookes9931]

Invalidating and judgemental...Ive experienced several of those. Its great to pay someone to make you feel like dirt when you're struggling

[@marianesacramento3698]

Me dealing with a deep depression and having to hear "stop being childish, it's time to grow up, growing up is painful". Also, this person had already treated my grandmother and aunts😑

[@suzanreid4719]

One session with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself is enough. No need to repeat! Finding a good therapist can be challenging but it is worth the search.

[@nmHispana]

@@tonyabrookes9931 Minimizing, gaslighting, dismissive, invalidating and with inappropriate responses (for example: "that's really strange or huh!") to any proof or facts that you have which would easily validate "your truth and your reality" regarding the evil, illegal, unethical, and morally corrupt (dark triad) behavior/actions concerning what's been and being done to you. Another huge red flag is their silence which and only goes to show that they are birds of the same feather and enablers. EDIT: I forgot to mention that they are future fakers who don't GAF about you and that despite claiming not to know anything about something, that still doesn't stop them from always wanting to stick their nose where it doesn't belong or anything they can do about it either. There's also a lot of these toxic/narcissistic types employed by health care insurance care coordination (supervisors included) and grievance departments as well and caregiver services with these unethical behaviors and they will/do intentionally cause a lot more damage and trauma to clients.

[@greatwall8158]

I went to a therapist who loved to gossip about other patients, including ones that I knew. He was appointed by the city that I worked for until I told a few other city employees that he was telling me their business. He got a well deserved boot.

[@louisegardenia7674]

I went to a therapist discussing my childhood trauma from growing up with a violent schizophrenic mother. He told me I shouldn’t keep having babies to fill a void within me. I was married and had one child at the time and was 28. I know women with 8 and 12 kids and I don’t judge them. It was so irrelevant and weird.

[@donnabarnes8954]

I am so sorry that happened to you. Too often, therapist/counselors may not have processed their personal trauma or not understand something they studied; consequently, there may be some poor application of information presented to them or projection. I went to a counselor once who told my daughter and myself about his wife. I think, he somehow projected onto me some of the negative things he had not processed with his ex-wife. Consequently, everything he heard was through that filter. Furthermore, he listened to everything my daughter said and completely dismissed everything I said as illegitimate while telling me that I had no right to disagree with the events that my daughter reported. I 'was not going to do that to her". Much of what she was saying, never happened. It was false memories that had been planted by people who repeatedly told her things that never happened. I have tried to address this with her and explain some discrepancies in her accounts with dates, places, and such. She is choosing to believe the lies told to her. This counselor told her to not have anything to do with me and she ran with it. So very sad. It was all because he had anger toward his ex-wife who had alienated him from his sons and told them that he physically abused her. To be honest, with the way he treated me, I have to wonder if he did not physically abused her and psychologically abuse her based on the way he treated me. Counselors are human too,. This is why we have a code of ethics and need to keep ourselves in check.

[@alimccreery755]

What that counselor said was totally unprofessional and showed no sensitivity at all. I would categorize that counselor as a nimrod and not in touch with reality.

[@luigiprovencher8888]

Wtf? 8 and 12 kids? Lol

[@silverlining6259]

@@luigiprovencher8888 or more,what’s wrong with that? My dad is the oldest one of 21,mum oldest of 16

[@luigiprovencher8888]

@@silverlining6259 It's excessive.

[@psefti]

I had a therapist tell me one Monday that she was so glad to be back at work because she couldn't stand being with her kids. I never answered her and I never went back. I was still suffering the loss of a child. And had concerns for another of my children's progress.

[@tonyabrookes9931]

That hurt my heart. That's awful

[@mileyroe4877]

Omg waw wth!!! I'm sorry for your loss. I get that people make mistakes and need to be forgiven however, as a therapist, you have to be mindful of triggering your client. Hope you're doing well :)

[@Vincenza8907]

Self awareness is so important with being a therapist.

[@dorothypedersen449]

Prayers to you and family. So sorry to hear this. 🌺

[@brettmastema7056]

I mean, I would go insane having to deal with kids all day every day. I only want children as people to get chores done and to get likes on Facebook and Instagram when i take stupid or amusing photos of them. I dont care to raise the next generation. In case you are suddenly triggered reading this, No, I dont have nor want to have children. I wish more people were more aware that they arent cut out for the job either before they make one.

[@pixygiggles]

Other red flags I would add: The counselor checks email, texts, or answers phone calls during sessions. The counselor minimizes or invalidates the client's experience or symptoms. The counselor doesn't actively practice coping skills, boundary setting, and/or thought-stopping techniques with you, as the client, during counseling sessions (Without practice in a safe environment, like counseling, how can the client hope to do that for him/herself in the "real" world?). And if the counselor tells you he's feeling burnt out, run. You're not going to get anything of use out of a burnt out professional except a whole lot of confusion.

[@roddo1955]

Your councillor is not a councillor....

[@maureenlas4367]

I believe that a counselor who lacks empathy is not a “good” counselor….otherwise this was very detailed and well done

[@bobbythespaceghost9934]

One of my pet peeves is the lack of understanding of perspective. I wanted the counselor to be at least empathetic. When I was younger and stationed in Germany in the military, I was telling one counselor about my childhood trauma. She told me to "go hiking". I'm a black guy from the city and never saw mountains. I was so angry with her. She ended up getting me booted from the military. This happened back in 2003. Now, I'm a couple of years from getting my licensure in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I will make sure counseling will be done correctly. That memory of her response to my issues has never left me.

[@hikikomoriarty]

I'm so angry to hear this, what happened to you was so wrong, and you should be so proud of yourself for studying to become a *real* counselor (unlike her). I hope you got your licence now, and are on your way to helping so many people!

[@bobbythespaceghost9934]

@@hikikomoriarty I'm currently in my internship program, helping adolescents with high suicidal ideation while using dialectical behavior therapy. I'll be done with my program in May 2024! Thank you so much for the kind words. It has been a wild ride!

[@demondogmom7221]

I think my giant red flag is if they insist on bringing religion into it... when you specifically say "I'm not interested in religion based counseling".

[@Black.Spades]

You mean when they bring their religion into it? Or when they want to talk about your religion in relation to your problems?

[@TreeDragon]

@@Black.Spades I think what they're probably referring to since it's sadly common is when you're not, say, Christian (or religious at all) but the counselor WILL NOT STOP bringing up "well god says... well god is perfect and.... well jesus.... bla bla bla"

[@Black.Spades]

@@TreeDragon I see, thanks. I know there are counselors and therapists who work specifically with people of certain religions, but I think it's also their responsibility to make it clear on their online page (or wherever they provide information). Especially if their approach is also religion (or spiritually) based. Unfortunate happening, since it's wasting time of both the client as well as counselor.

[@demondogmom7221]

@@Black.Spades - when they bring their religion into it.

[@Black.Spades]

@@demondogmom7221 I see, thanks.

[@avaolivia2]

The best counselor I ever had was like a very "neutral" individual who I talked to. The things that she did that were very effective in helping me was her first question and second question every visit..... "How are things going"..... and "Talk to me". She listened quietly.... asking for more information occasionally and taking notes. She was calm.... she would frequently ask for more details about something when I was finished with my experience. She never interrupted me. I felt such support and confidence in her calm and direct support. I went to her for 8 months and felt so much better. Her words and advice come back to me when I face the stress situations that I had experienced as if she is speaking to me. She also thanked me for my help in her own work. A very important person in my life.

[@arnaudinstalle]

I had (/ have) the same experience. A good therapist should talk as little as possible. My therapist will very rarely (if ever) provide advice, so as to not impose her own beliefs. She only talks either to make sure she interprets what I'm saying correctly, or to suggest working points that she sees will help me obtain what I need. She has helped me improve my life so much over the past 2 years, after a painful breakup.

[@jkg2088]

That’s the approach I use when I volunteer as a listener. Some like it; some don’t.

[@icanrelate]

@@jkg2088 what do the others prefer?

[@gender-fluidARMY]

I’m going to therapy for my anxiety and during our video sessions, (yay Covid!) my mom says I never let her talk and I always feel bad about that.

[@HelenOlivas]

@@arnaudinstalle I disagree here, it’s not the same for everyone. I went to a therapist who wouldn’t talk and it made me so uncomfortable I never went back. Another one was much more conversational and helped me open up, I’m very shy so this worked way better.

[@zhbvenkhoReload]

I had a therapist tell me I was really handsome and touching my legs. I was a 23 year old guy and she was in her 40s. As much as many guys would think this is ideal (and I do like MILFs), it was a really bad time in my life and I was very vulnerable. It didn't feel right, so I just left therapy.

[@tkenglander6226]

That was not ethical of that therapist. I'm glad you knew something was wrong about that and stopped seeing her.

[@donnabarnes8954]

I am so sorry. :(

[@floatingchimney]

It happens, I had an older (and married) female boss at work borderline grope me, even though it was completely harmless.

[@robindore9582]

I had a drug counselor who made a pass at me. I was questioning myself did I do something inappropriate ? I was emotional and honest he totally took advantage of me. I decided to make another visit with him this time I was ready, he did it again so I told him to shove it, I walked out. My husband waited outside unaware of what was happening. When I walked out early, I told my husband he went in and had a heated confrontation with him, ready to punch him out. They had a yelling match. Thank God my husband didn't get arrested I look back now I should of slapped him across the face then and there. I reported the counselor to the proper athoritys. To all the women, please don't minimize your feelings. If you feel uneasy with a person, don't let them own you. Walk away.

[@theirishfairy6281]

My therapist and I fell in love - it was my first time seeking therapy for a sexual assault in my 20’s. About 6 months into the therapy he told me was in love with me and asked me to his home. We continued the relationship for approx 7 months. Then one day he called me between his clients and said he wanted out - that was it - no meeting up just dropped me over the phone. I didn’t report him, because I felt at the time - I am a consenting adult and had feelings for him too. In hindsight he did me a big injustice. The more I investigate the more I realise how wrong he was to do what he did.

[@ParkerKarenA]

Shame on him. You were vulnerable and he took advantage.

[@theirishfairy6281]

I really resent him now for what he did and I’ve no interest in ever going to therapy again. He just dropped me with no regard what so ever for my well being. Therapist or not I would be just as furious if any one broke up with me the way he did let alone someone who is supposed to care about well being and mental health. Sucks but you live and learn.

[@Tracymmo]

He manipulated you because you were vulnerable. He should lose his license.

[@dortesandal4303]

That is as friggin bad👿 as IT gets, I am so sorry that you had to experience that, what kind of therapist was that, not a clinical one. You sure he was certified😵😲😱

[@theirishfairy6281]

@@dortesandal4303 he had certificates coming out his ears! I can understand the human aspect of transference and erotic transference but in hindsight it’s fully my belief that he abused his position. I often think now, he didn’t even try not to let it go ahead I mean he could have nicely explained I can’t see you anymore or asked for help from a supervisor. I asked him during the time we were together did he seek any higher counsel about us abs he said no. The funny thing is he was a supervisor himself!! I know it’s all pretty sick looking back on it but honestly how he dropped me has to be the worst of it. Just called me up between his clients one day and dumped me. Didn’t even have the courage to do it face to face. From a mental health professional to do that. I know of more vulnerable, weaker personalities that could have ended their life due to that treatment but I just resent him more that any other emotion.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

I saw a therapist who was living in his office space. He had food, pans and groceries around, quite messy, and I got the distinct impression he was high. I felt really uncomfortable there and never went back.

[@blythehoughton3896]

Omg!!!

[@MrsKimchula]

Me and my husband sought counseling due to stress in our lives. We have a son with autism and my husband seemed depressed and self medicating. The counselor kept prefacing every discussion on our challenges with “I’m not an expert on autism”. Making us feel like we had some problem that could not be helped by ‘regular people therapy. ‘ she also told me to start drinking with my husband and to spank my neurotypical child. She would eat snacks, compare everything to her personal experiences and complain among her chronic medical conditions. She also never looked at her notes, never got our children a names right and repeated suggestions over and over again. I just let her go last week. It was hard to get my husband to go see someone so I’m sad we didn’t get much from it.

[@donnabarnes8954]

I am so sorry. I hope you can find someone who can help you both and that your husband will be willing to go. Perhaps, try her out a few times before integrating him????

[@darondatoole7439]

Horrifying

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

Sadly this is more common than not. Funny enough, getting treatment when I was a kid was a lot easier than getting them to listen to me as an adult. This is bonkers to me. They're know it alls.

[@GothicTopicPodcast]

A counselor once asked me what I did to encourage unwanted attentions from a guy who was very clearly a sexual predator. Needless to say she wasn't my counselor for long. She made me feel like things were my fault all over again even though I did nothing to encourage anything.

[@red_velvetcake1759]

That's really horrible. I'm a sexual assault survivor too and i don't think practitioners stop to think how disgusting it is for them to suggest that when it's clearly the offenders fault for doing what they did.

[@jillwilkerson2032]

The biggest problem I’ve had with every therapist I’ve been to, and that’s many, is the apparent automatic assumption that because I am the patient I am always wrong and/or sick while they are always right and/or healthy because they’re the therapist. Total imbalance in power and very biased POV.

[@kylewilson9189]

Add in there that they are not always right. They are not God and know all the answers. They don't know and probably don't care what you been through. Overpaid in my opinion.

[@kylewilson9189]

I fired a bad therapist before, she yelled and screamed at me. That's where I drew the line.

[@azlizzie]

Oh man. My therapist doesn’t even help me make decisions. She’s just there to help me work through my own options and thoughts. She gives me homework but she never gives me suggestions on how to proceed.

[@kylewilson9189]

They don't know what you been through. Everything they know is out of a book. Don't let them push you too far. Just do your own thing, if you don't like doing homework from them, tell them you have enough problems. Do what makes you happy. I hope I helped.

[@tkenglander6226]

Yikes! They obviously did not learn the lesson in grad school that the client is the expert on their own lives. So sorry and I hope you keep trying until you find someone who DOESN'T act like that. They're out there!! 🙂

[@brittbratt4007]

My first ever panic attack came directly from the hands of my therapist when i was 9. I told her about my csa and she told me i was lying, then went to my abuser and when he denied it, used that to try and convince me I just wanted attention, called me names. Luckily this was one of the few times my mom took my side, and I was taken care of properly and i never saw her (or my abuser) again

[@luciaradonic5520]

I'm glad you're safe now. That was criminal, that person should be banned from giving therapy to anyone

[@brittbratt4007]

@@luciaradonic5520 yeah I totally agree, she was definitely not in a space to be able to give help to others, she obviously needed it badly herself

[@codacreator6162]

Wow. I'm sorry for your experience! I get it, though. Some therapists are so stuck in the text of their diagnoses that they can't see any variation in the way symptoms present, their prevalence, or even whether they present at all. I tried telling two different professionals (a psychiatric nurse and a therapist) what was happening for over a year, and neither of them could or would stitch together the clues to get the diagnosis right. It wasn't until I did months of my own research tracking symptoms, learning the language, and dismissing diagnoses that didn't apply that I finally felt validated in my own symptoms. Before that, I was frantic most of the time believing I was as full of shit as they must have thought (9therwise they would have beat me to the correct diagnosis) and genuinely thought I was just cripplingly lazy. But that wasn't it. Why would a chronically lazy guy suddenly be terrified by everything? Why would he suddenly fly into a panic over his own worthlessness and start having suicidal thoughts? I have a Complex variety of PTSD that is not fully manageable with medication and more than a year of therapy hasn't taught me anything about how to begin to control symptoms so I can live because my therapist has invalidated the severity of my symptoms based on descriptions of people suffer differently. I don't stay in bed all the time from the MDD symptoms, but I'll do anything to avoid going out for any reason, talking to people (which challenges my dissociative response), and barely manage the stuff I have to do to survive through hours, days, or weeks of effort building up to it. What keeps me going are posts and comments like yours that give me hope that one day I'll be normal. 😁

[@janetlieb2507]

@@luciaradonic5520 a monster!!!

[@eyekandy3000]

That’s destructive

[@strathmoron]

My first counselor I saw was emotionally abusive. She would frequently shame me whenever I would backslide and overtly impatient with me whenever I became emotional. I have yet to seek another counselor, but I do understand that it's probably not common practice for the client to want to curl up and die after each session.

[@hikikomoriarty]

That's horrible!!! I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you found someone much better, who actually helps you.

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

Thank you for this. Sadly, I've noticed over about 25 years that the worst people I have met socially have been "social workers", public school teachers and some in healthcare: truly sadistic, sociopathic personalities seem attracted to those careers. There are some very damaged people who need to be seen as altruistic and caring yet they are cruel and enjoy having incredible power over peoples' lives (often very vulnerable people, especially children). I knew one who openly shared about his patients (a famous family with tragic mental and substance abuse issues) troubles at a dinner party. Another who allowed friends to see contact info for their clients and teachers who engaged in secretly videoing people they disliked in intimate moments. Scum of the earth who hide behind altruistic titles.

[@tea-chip-cookies]

My sister is a chaotic narcissistic family trouble maker. She lies 24/7 and when confronted she denies it or lies even more. She's a nasty nasty piece of work. Guess what she works as?... A Family Therapist!!! What's even worse is she used to be a social worker!!

[@donnabarnes8954]

I recently worked for a state agency where this was never more true. They would lie about the families and alienate mothers from their children. They had such an heir of superiority and acted like they knew everything. It was a sad lot and sad for those in the community who were affected by their behavior.

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

@@donnabarnes8954 Yes, that's the tragedy and the sadism. They torture those who are most vulnerable. Where I live, everyone just shrugs at children and people being hurt like this, too. "I got mine, pass the buck, it isn't my responsibility," all that. And they are PROUD of the corruption and behave as if they're survivors and somehow superior, instead of admitting to themselves that they're instigators and bystanders. Disgusting to their core.

[@isabelleforstmann268]

I once had a counselor comment “oohh provocative girl” when going over my sexual history upon learning that have had both male & female partners...like suggesting he found my bisexuality titillating or something. It made me extremely uncomfortable.

[@megatronseyebrows962]

What a creep. I hope you've found a competent one to help you recover.

[@danzigvssartre]

That made you "extremely uncomfortable"? Did you tell him the comment made you uncomfortable? It seems an element of your reaction may be because you are "uncomfortable" with your own actions. Work it out, don't blame the therapist and run away.

[@hotdogwater9580]

@@danzigvssartre shut up

[@sherryd.3425]

@@hotdogwater9580 Love that!

[@danzigvssartre]

@@hotdogwater9580 So she slept with a bunch of people. Who cares? By the way, she calls herself "Tits" McGee. Maybe she's just trying to be "provocative"?

[@tessabiggs2917]

Oh boy, I met a therapist for 2 minutes and he said I had BPD. He knew nothing about me. Then I find out that all his patients have BPD. Frightening man and he is still doing heaps of damage to people. Another one I saw said I had major depression after I talked about my friend dieing 2 weeks before. I would call that grief.

[@ferociousgumby]

Brenda Evans Kinda been there, except it was just a family doctor who right away told me, "I have a gift for diagnosing psychiatric disorders" to justify that first-five-minutes thing. I was diagnosed bipolar at 15, then undiagnosed and rediagnosed and undiagnosed and rediagnosed, and at one point I was asked, "Why is a diagnosis so important to you?", as if I was just making a fuss over nothing. By the way, I'm now magically bipolar again!

[@katierojas8066]

I’m a counseling intern and giving someone a personality disorder diagnosis should be the last option after ruling out other things. A therapist should start out by giving someone the slightest, least stigmatizing diagnosis. It takes a while to determine if someone has BPD. This therapist would have gotten paid the same no matter what diagnosis he gave you. It can be very damaging when talking about someone’s personality when that basically makes up who a person is. Totally unethical what this guy did to you and others! Diagnoses are a must i the counseling profession for insurance reimbursement purposes and also for the therapist to develop a treatment plan. If he was using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), then that is actually good for really any issue you are dealing with in therapy. The diagnosis itself is quite stigmatizing and considering he didn’t meet with you very many times before giving you that diagnosis is concerning.

[@joankennes3230]

Probably a narcissist...

[@brettmastema7056]

I had someone once tell me their uneducated opinion I had BPD and then I dated someone who actually had BPD and i learned after he had moved in and had stopping taking meds. While that was a nightmare I then realized that I think my sister has BPD. The questions i think for BPD that are the official ones in videos are too broad that people could land with an 8 or whatever it was and it be how you interpret things like Risky behavior. etc. I have OCD issues and tourettes and stuggle with depression. Although im like "we can explore the BPD line if i get a treatment that works. Although i am in an area now where just addressing my anxiety and depression is annoying.

[@g.y.perelechow3587]

Grief can be a trigger for depression

[@rosemaryangela1825]

I’ve had bad therapists. Here r some examples: One refused to talk about my narcissistic mother One had no goals- just endless sessions that went on for years One did nothing but write in a pad

[@mord0]

Nothing wrong with not talking about your mother, could just be a theoretical orientation.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

@@mord0Yeah, also when people say “my mother is such a narcissist” labeling doesn’t define specific behavior. I have people describe the behavior rather than throw out some empty label and take it at face value

[@darkside907]

You are the one meant to define the goals, not the therapist.

[@triciat2855]

After months of learning CBT and still not coping well with my living situation (which was creating a great deal of anxiety), a therapist asked "Do you even want to be well?" The implication was that I was not trying hard enough, or that I was somehow deficient because CBT wasn't working for my anxiety, nor improving the living situation I was in.

[@thisbeem2714]

I once had a therapist ask me when I was going to grow up. That shit is harmful! WTF??

[@thisbeem2714]

@@grownupandgardening4216 better to replace that with DBT. That is what helped me.

[@tkenglander6226]

I would never even say that to a friend, let alone to a therapy client. Wow.

[@tea-chip-cookies]

​@@thisbeem2714what is dbt? I'm looking into therapy and I am worried I will encounter the same nonsense that I did when I was 15

[@thisbeem2714]

@@tea-chip-cookies dialectical behavioural therapy

[@ck2d]

Oversharing their personal life seems to be a problem. Boundary issues in general.

[@ephemera...]

ck2d yes, I’ve definitely come across that one.

[@freetobememe4358]

Dirk Jensen what’s with the list? I get the last one, but what does purple shirt mean and glasses.

[@clc7763]

Omg I said the same thing before I saw your comment

[@in_vino_veritas7938]

ck2d yes! My therapist was doing that, interrupting me, and also became focused on office politics. I told her that i like her but she talked more than I did and i don't see how her friend or paperwork that doesn't apply to my plans has anything to do with me, etc. It was an awful day.

[@gillmahoney4742]

yes not helpful

[@lisamichelle8413]

I had a therapist who actually invalidated everything I said about the problem people in my life .. I walked out feeling like everything was my fault. I will never darken her doorstep again.

[@ljs9684]

Yes! Same. I think that is more commen than people realize. It is difficult to work on any problem when the therapist immediately invalidates it.

[@pauloperes9378]

Are you sure that was not just The Socratic Method?

[@NastheVictorious]

I too experienced invalidation and Blame. I truly despised her for her Rude Behavior as I was desperate for help and good health.

[@ljs9684]

@@pauloperes9378 yes, Im certain.

[@abumohandes4487]

And... have you thought about everything possibly being your fault? Did she have a point, perhaps?

[@erinthesystem9608]

When you choose to work with teens but aren't willing to trust any teenager to be honest, it can leave a young person feeling just as alone in her problems as if she had no therapist at all.

[@annmerkel5476]

Agree! I am a high school counselor, and have had some peers that are like that over the years. It's disheartening!

[@sad_doggo2504]

Or not taking into consideration that teenagers are not just 'miniature adults,' but have totally unique emotional needs.

[@barrymurphy1982]

One of the worst things is when a counsellor underestimates how badly you feel - even though you've told them! When I met my counsellor for the first time, I had to fill out a questionnaire to determine how severe my depression one. I answered all the questions honestly and the result of the survey was that my depression was indeed severe, which didn't surprise me. My counsellor's response when she saw the result? She laughed. It seems like she didn't believe me.

[@tkenglander6226]

OMGee, that is ridiculous!! Therapists need to be more respectful than that.

[@barrymurphy1982]

@@tkenglander6226 Indeed. She was very silly.

[@tea-chip-cookies]

She shouldn't have laughed at you, stupid lady

[@Sally150]

Most of them are counselors because they have their own problems. They've done their own "work" and want to help others. I think that is weird. The other weird thing is when they tell you their own story or complain about their mother, etc.

[@Nathalie7774]

My last councillor told me I had to fill the questionnaire in every week , when I said that seemed a bit too often. He told me I had to do it. He also insisted on zoom calls when I said I would feel more comfortable with telephone appointments. He made me feel awful.

[@Megan6772]

1. A therapist who retaliates in a threatening or blaming way when you bring something they said which affected you in a negative way, to their attention

[@Raztiana]

I think you missed one: Therapists, who either interprets what you say completely different than what you ment (and not checking they got it right) or simply overinterprets, so suddenly they have a very misleading view on their patient.

[@krlee93]

I had a psychiatrist in the psych ward (so it was hard to get a new one) ask me nothing but questions about my sexuality and my father. NOTHING ELSE. I’d never screamed at an adult outside my family before her or since. Those are both enormous and valid things but Jesus Christ it was a lot

[@Raztiana]

@@krlee93, it sounds like that time could have been used much better. I've experienced a psychiatrist, who got the strangest things out of practically everything I said. So my clothes, hobbies and taste in music was used as excuses to label me as weird. Luckily, a competent doctor has cleaned up her mess.

[@irazorn3712]

Yes, I think that's a clear sign that this therapist isn't right for you. But not necessarily that they're a bad therapist. Imo. I did have that experience with a therapist that I then stopped going to for that same reason. She was fine but it was clear that she just didn't get ME.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I had a very disappointing psychiatrist who completely misinterpreted everything I said. She asked me twice if I had finished high school. I'm 42 years old, intelligent, articulate and had mentioned that I had graduated from university with a BA majoring in Psychology. Um...yes, I did indeed finish high school. She seemed to pretty much ignore most other things I said. Grrr.

[@Prieze868]

@@Raztiana I met a woman in the 80s that miss d'argent that was impregnated and raped by a psychiatrist in the 70s and made to terminate it and another woman she was put up in a hotel put up in an apartment or a townhouse by her psychiatrist and got a payout of 300000 was she subsequently gamble diet but was he kept ch-r as a as an affair bedtime she was upset when she realised she wasn't the only one in there was another woman patient and the gentleman the psychiatrist probably made it hard for her to get any treatment in the South Melbourne area

[@ebenerzdrache1584]

I'm currently in my early twenties and have been to therapy multipe times for various reasons, in Germany, I may add. Most of the therapists I've had were very good and qualified people, but there have been bad apples. When I was a young child, about the age of four, I encountered the dumbest therapist one could possibly imagine. I have been in therapy with her for a bit, since my parents assumed me to have all sorts of mental disorders, when in reality I just lacked a few emotions. Anyway, they shared concern with her that I have recently refused to eat. When they confronted me about it, I said that my throat hurt. What followed were two weeks of trying to coerce me to eat, diagnosing me as anorexic and so forth, only to figure out that, oh wonder, I had an infected throat. As hilarious as it sounds, if someone is that thick, they've choosen the wrong profession. Another time, way worse than the first, was when I was sixteen. I mainly went to this therapist because he had to diagnose me for me to get access to a certain medicine I needed. I've already had one diagnose from a therapist I already went to, but for this particular thing, I needed two. Unfortunately, there aren't many people around who are qualified to make such a diagnosis, at least officially. So, I took what I could get, even if it was garbage. I was glad to have found someone. Anyway, the first red flag was that he refused to tell me whether or not he was qualified to make that diagnosis. Well, not refused. He didn't tell me 'no', he just answered very vaguely. The second thing was, he constantly fell asleep. No, I'm not joking. He. Fell. Asleep! But I decided to put up with that, too. I wouldn't have to endure him for long, I thought. About three months into therapy, I made a very strange observation. Y'know, I walk very quietly, you don't usually hear me coming when I go somewhere alone. So, that day, he didn't notice me when I was arriving. I sat in the waiting room and heard things that distinctively sounded like someone was watching porn. Now, I could have been mistaken, but that would have been a very huge misunderstanding. Not knowing what to do to not make the situation awkward, I silently walked out again and came back in while loudly banging the door open. The sounds stopped and he came to greet me. We had the usual session, him almost falling asleep and me not knowing what to do, and I never went there again. He didn't even ask for the last paycheck, and if he likes his reputation, he never will. I'm sure he knows exactly what I heard. So, in conclusion, I would put 'mistaking physical illness for mental illness' as well as 'highly questionable behavior' on the list of signs for a bad therapist.

[@heatherrickert5576]

I was going through a hard time and was crying on the way to my session.. my therapist told me that I would feel better about myself if I had make up on. I even initially defended myself and explained that I cried off my makeup.. I walked out of the office feeling much worse, very offended and angry, and of course I stopped seeing him and did my best to report him

[@tkenglander6226]

What a yucky experience!! I hope he got held accountable somehow!

[@ArabellaCharm]

My last therapist literally would stand up and give "Ted Talk" like speeches for the entire hour. I would get in a "Hello" and a 2 minute response to "So how was your week".... then she would literally stand and just ramble off positive affirmations and other things "depressed people like to hear". I didn't get a word in. I finally stood up in the middle of one of her tangents and told her I wasn't coming back 👋. She left a long winded voice-mail explaining that she wanted to continue because she felt we were getting somewhere lmao!

[@luciasoosova2182]

sounds like my father

[@CherylMuir]

That's awful. I'm so sorry.

[@priyao5097]

LMAO. That's too much.

[@josephmassaro]

Did you send her a bill?

[@eyekandy3000]

I kinda had that experience too

[@stayathomegeek]

I once had a therapist who spoke to me about another patient. When i called him out on it, he became angry with me.

[@denatoniumbenzoate8614]

@@kevinbissinger Nothing wrong? The session isn't about the other patient. That's wrong.

[@Aboguaboga]

@@denatoniumbenzoate8614 he’s saying like he could’ve tried to use another patients situation to help u improve urs

[@abumohandes4487]

My therapist did the same, without naming names, naturally. I found it very helpful to hear how other people struggle with similar problems and how they cope.

[@OOKIEDOKIE]

I feel like that's acceptable as long as it is vague enough to protect doctor-patient confidentiality. Sometimes they may have had someone who had a similar problem to you.

[@fabioribeiro4627]

Using a specific example without names and that is relevant to the situation may help.

[@DianaIsabel929]

I interviewed two therapists before settling on my current one. I forgot to follow up with the first therapist (because I was understandably scattered). She followed up with me aggressively (3 phone calls and messages in 1 week). When I finally called her back and told her I decided on someone else, she asked if I wanted her diagnosis of me🤷🏼‍♀️. I was like sure - and she barked ‘generalized anxiety disorder.’ She wasn’t wrong, but her attitude and energy man - WTF. Much happier with the psychologist I chose.

[@tkenglander6226]

Whoa!!!

[@SydneySininen]

How do you suggest interviewing therapists? What does that look like?

[@DianaIsabel929]

I don't remember honestly - I simply shared what was bothering me and saw how the therapist managed the conversation. If I felt heard and comfortable, that was the one I chose. Actually, I picked my therapist in part because she laughed at my joke. :-) Should be someone who makes you feel heard and seen imho@@SydneySininen

[@Ianstuff2023]

I feel like there's been a wave of people getting certified to be therapists recently that are motivated to do it for the wrong reasons. Some of the most broken, toxic people I know are becoming therapists and I"m really confused. They are the last people I would reach out to help for.

[@svalentina3075]

I would add "falling asleep during session" is a sign of a bad counselor.

[@chandlerrose4545]

Unless they have some sort of disorder absolutely!

[@davidhollenshead4892]

I had a counselor who had diabetes, so the three times that happened I made a point of asking: if he was okay, did he need to get something to eat or reschedule, etc...

[@motherbear327]

SAME! With a PhD even. I'm not paying if you fall asleep. That's me setting good boundaries with an overbooked therapist.

[@davidhollenshead4892]

@@motherbear327 My counselor wasn't overbooked, or inconsiderate, he just had the occasional blood sugar issue...

[@ikewhite6832]

I went to a counselor and he would just yawn like he was bored when I was talking. Then he went on a 2 week tangent about how I needed friends to talk about my truama to... just odd imo

[@catwhitt]

My last therapist "gossiped" with her coworkers about what I talked about in her office. I would find out because she would tell me about other clients that she has seen, especially an acquaintance that I knew was seeing a different therapist in the same office. She came up to me and told me that her therapist told her some things about me that were told to her therapist by my therapist. That line just confused the heck out of me. We came to the realization that our therapists were gossiping about us. I was in a bad place in my life then, just got out of a very abusive relationship. So my head wasn't in the right place, because if it was I would have maybe sued for Hipaa violation or violation of mistrust or something. It still makes me angry and embarrassed when I think back to it.

[@xoyouaremysunshinexo]

That’s definitely a violation and you should go to the licensing board on her and her coworkers! Depending on how long ago it was, the statute of limitations might not be up. Even if it is up, I would still contact the board about this so they can keep an eye on her. That’s awful! That’s like the biggest breach of therapeutic duty: confidentiality! I’m so sorry that happened to you

[@Black.Spades]

Depending on what kind of therapy practice this is, they have weekly or maybe even daily briefings. And during those briefings they do sometimes present current cases which perhaps give them trouble. They discuss those with practitioners who are relevant (for example superiors/overseers, or when asking colleagues to transfer the case to them if they have more experience with something). But in any case a therapist or counselor is not allowed to talk about patients/clients of the practice to anyone who has no therapeutic connection or relevance to the case. So it is a breach of ethics.

[@nochannelnochannel231]

Wow I am so sorry that happened to you.

[@nunyabusiness4606]

thats a HIPAA violation, she could get in huge trouble for doing that

[@blythehoughton3896]

Go to licensing board for sure. I am sorry that happened.

[@robertrogers7331]

I was savagely whipped starting at 3 and viciously belittled for the next 15 years. At 55 I began seeing a licensed therapist. Last week after 16 years I asked to see her clinical psychologists licence and her PHD from UCLA, the next day she fired me and blocked me from emailing her. She has 4 of your 6 issues! I suggest adding #7- Moving the goal posts. I feel great, because I am not a lair or crazy, just deeply frightened.

[@hikikomoriarty]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What a terrible 'therapist' (if she even has that licence).

[@TheNicolevertone]

Attitude is a big one. Allowing for possible personality clashes, I feel like being outright condescending and dismissive or rushed and inattentive is a bad sign. Anyone who dismisses my questions or opinions for no reason other than "who's the doctor here" loses my trust immediately. Not because they disagree, but because they tried to belittle my opinion without discussion or explanation.

[@j_iris]

One time my therapist asked how my week had been, and when I said my anxiety had been really bad she told me to not blame everything on my anxiety. Um??? You asked me how my week was and I told you! Plus after diagnosing me she never wanted to talk about my anxiety, which isn't very helpful when you're LITERALLY SEEKING HELP ON HOW DO COPE WITH IT.

[@desiderata333]

I had one therapist who chowed down on a chicken Parmesan hero, while I was speaking of my uncles brutal homicide. 😩😩 That was very odd and awful.

[@DarthFurie]

I'm sorry, that is horrific. That would be a scene from a comedy if it wasn't so terrible! What the heck is wrong with them

[@chickenfdisoruhg4915]

@@DarthFurie Gee, as an aspiring comedy writer, I wish I came up with this scenario. Sounds like something out of a Monty Python sketch.

[@desiderata333]

@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 really he was masticating so intensely on that chicken parm and totally not listening to me. fell free to use it in something. it is ok. I am alright now.

[@chickenfdisoruhg4915]

@@desiderata333 Thanks pal. In retrospect, that’s as macabre as it would be hilarious. Keep keeping on man.

[@desiderata333]

@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 truth!

[@douglasr8036]

I agree with you on the ethics of pursuing relationships with clients. It should be a permanent ban. This should apply to the medical and psychology professions. A big reason for this in my opinion is due to the existence of narcissistic sociopaths. AKA psychopaths. In 1991 my mother was under hospice care due to late stage breast cancer and it took her life. Or so I thought. I discovered the details of my mother’s last day of life 3 years ago by contacting her nurse. Within 10 minutes of our conversation we both knew my father had murdered her and used the cancer as cover. Soon after her death, my father dated the nurse. I was 16 at the time and my father did a good job of keeping me unaware of this short lived relationship until I reached out to her and she spilled the beans. What’s important here is that he didn’t date her because he wanted a relationship with her. It was purely to gather information and throw the nurse off track if she voiced any suspicions. There’s a lot more of this story to tell but I will end it here by saying this is why it’s important to ban these relationships.

[@hikikomoriarty]

What absolutely devastating, horrifying things to discover about your father, and what really had happened to your mother! I'm so sorry.

[@jabbermocky4520]

When in crisis, people don't usually get to choose their therapist. It can make matters much worse for individuals in crisis when that happens. For example: I was assigned a male therapist after I had been badly abused in a marriage and ultimately made homeless by that abusive man. I stated my feelings and thoughts about the violent ordeals I had endured and the therapist always said "Not ALL men do that." That was his only perspective on the matter. I paid for 12 sessions with that man and left feeling totally awful after every session. Worse than when I went in. I had signed a contract so I had an obligation to keep going in. It became so unpleasant and unproductive that I got extremely depressed and actually contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. The reality is: therapists in group practices, owned and operated for profit by corporations, don't give a crap about any of their clients. They clock in for the paycheck and that's about it. I know: "Not ALL therapists do that." Ugh. Caveat emptor.

[@PrincessKLS]

I have an eating disorder and I had a counselor once that showed little empathy for my situation and laughed at my food diary.

[@SoniaAlese]

Sorry to hear. I hope you did get help from someone else better.

[@wynngwynn]

what the fuck?

[@deebanaj9357]

That’s horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

[@hyperbolic4606]

I hope you're doing better these days. eating disorders are awful.

[@Madronaxyz]

I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you'll report that counselor to the state licensing board.

[@zachariahmiddleton5256]

In 2013 I had a PhD-level therapist for about 6 months and almost every single session he would FALL ASLEEP in the middle of the session. Not just fall asleep, he would start snoring. Sometimes he would snore so loud he'd wake himself up. I just kept talking. I was already extremely depressed. This just kind of fit into my whole worldview.

[@mferrariish]

Wow wtf?! Did he ever even acknowledge it? What would he say when he woke himself up???

[@lindatullos9430]

Depression is so serious so I get that you didn't immediately quit those visits the first time it happened. A phone video of him sleeping would show he wasn't doing his job and he could lose his license over that behavior. He might even lose a lawsuit for damages since it is a seriously deadly action he took that compounded your feelings of depression. You do have the burden of proof for the lawsuit though.

[@4everyoung24]

Perhaps he had sleep apnea. Explains the daytime sleepiness and the snoring.

[@heatherp7902]

@@4everyoung24 then take modafinil !!

[@LNVACVAC]

@@heatherp7902 I suffer both of hipersomnia and sleep apnea. Monafinil or any stimulant I tried apart from bupropion made me psychotic. And bupropion is not perfect for it.

[@Kelvostrass]

I spoke to a counselor today for the first time; they kept lecturing me and interrupting me and I felt like I could barely get a word in edge-ways. I'd tell them what I had been dealing with in the past and she said that it wasn't what I thought it was then started telling me what she thought my issues were. When She brought up things like X behavior indicates Y - I'd say yeah I don't feel like I'm Y. Then after the session she said that I was defensive simply because whenever she said I was Y I said I wasn't lol. The conversation had no direction and after an hour I didn't feel like any progress or understanding had been reached. She's not getting a second session needless to say.

[@lindalauer1434]

What truly makes me boil under my skin about diagnosis of patients is they forget that when people have a reason for these emotions, they still label these things that stick with that person the rest of their lives. They put a label in order for insurance to pay for it because it calls for it.

[@tea-chip-cookies]

I'm worried about this. I'm 34 and am going to therapy for the second time since I was 15, I don't want a stranger to wrongly diagnose me and it be on my records. I hope I can leave after a few session if I feel it isn't going anywhere

[@lindalauer1434]

@@tea-chip-cookies Out of curiosity, how did you choose you email address on your account? Did you know, there were "6" white people along with "7" black people on the bus traveling to fight for the freedom from slavery? "6" being well known as evil & "7" being well known as good publicly with the Bible saying people will not know exactly what the mark of the beast will be? "8" is also known as Indian if you didn't know. How did you get your address, hun?

[@lindalauer1434]

@@tea-chip-cookies That "15" of what your comment says makes me think of PBS's episode "15" also. Interesting references.. & I won't even mention the "34". Good luck to you hun. And, no, I'm not into all the numerology, astrology & witchcraft voodoo crap as what it may seem to someone looking at this. People in high places know that, sweetheart. Be well.

[@lindalauer1434]

@@tea-chip-cookies THIS IS MY ORIGINAL FIRST COMMENT TO YOU ON THIS SUBJECT OF YOUR COMMENT BELOW: If you already have been to any doctor & they have already diagnosed you with something mental wise, it is already on your medical records. It would still be on the medical records as a child also. Sometimes mental stress can be caused by too much caffeine, spending hours online looking at stressful things, not giving yourself enough time to yourself away from things that stress you as in not enough time outdoors away from electronics, not exercising/pampering yourself as in your appearance for you yourself to feel better because you don't have the time, enjoying the things you like to do, etc.. Trying all the things that may have a chance of working for you, even with looking at healthy things to drink & eat that have calming effects but when looking them up with no chance of other health concerns is always the best suggestion for anyone before going to the next level. However, for some people these things don't work but, some it does. Just know, with the medications, it helps but, it also adds stress as well if anyone around you at all know your on those medications because people tend to use the knowledge against others. Also, if any drug seekers know, they will try to come around you like a fly on ___ to somehow try to get ahold of your medications. Also, the medications they give when they are diagnosing are normally the ones the reps bring around that haven't been around long enough to truly know the side effects till later down the road because of the kickbacks the doctors get. If you try to get the medications that you know works for you safetly without side effects to you that you know yourself has less chance of hurting you down the line, they label you as a drug seeker. Talking to your doctor about your hormone levels with having tests done to see what they are & other things you can do to lower the stress, along with asking if there is anything else that may be beneficial to check as well is a good idea. This is a tough subject for anyone to face. Many are. Your not alone. Just remember that. I don't know what the bast solution is because I'm not in your body or your situation. However, I truly hope something i said can help you find the solution. Best of balance to you, hun. I hope your future holds the happiest of times possible for you, your family, friends & loved ones! ..Just so others reading this know I absolutely didn't start out commenting to you the other comments on this scroll.

[@Bob_Loblawb]

When I was a teen I had a therapist tell me that what I tell him is only between me and him... So I opened up, which was hard as hell. He then took the transcripts and gave them to my parents. Labeled me as having severe depression and antisocial personality disorder because I was goth.

[@mousethatroared1213]

Grrr! I am so sorry that happened to you!

[@thesaddestdude3575]

Jesus christ thats illigal! My story is somwhat the same, my councilor was communicating with people a knew.

[@emilieholtmeier2409]

Disgusting

[@vincec.202]

Yup! I was just told that "Our conversations are sacred" and nothing I say leaves the room..."YOU HAVE MY WORD". Just tried to Baker act me for attempting suicide on Thanksgiving🤬

[@DanaTheInsane]

If you’re a minor they do this all the time. They did that to me when I was in third grade I didn’t see anybody again for nearly 20 years.

[@lee48lee68]

I have a friend who is a Marriage and Family therapist and a professor at a major university. He told me once that he’s only interested in a person’s problems if they’re female and HOT. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and was appalled.

[@eyekandy3000]

He was probably joking or needs a new career

[@lee48lee68]

@@eyekandy3000 -He was serious.

[@eyekandy3000]

@@lee48lee68 well hopefully he’s able to feign interest and provide a useful service 🙃

[@pixiewings21_9]

My ex is a doctor as are many of his friends. Believe me, these guys discuss their female patients and their physical attributes. A lot. I was present at several dinner parties where these conversations took place - they didn't name the patients but it's distressing to think that your male doctor might be not only thinking of you in a sexualised way, but discussing you with his friends/colleagues too.

[@lee48lee68]

@@pixiewings21_9 -I was reluctant to make my original comment because I thought most people would find it hard to believe there are therapists like that out there. Thanks for confirming that these people do exist.

[@ramyfarah5293]

Had a therapist insist on using prayer and the power of Jesus in every single session even though I told her I was a complete atheist. I was 15 and in a very vulnerable place, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, gay and in a dangerous country, parental neglect etc. She shamed me for being gay and insisted it could be "healed" with prayer. I was a gullible fragile kid who was too depressed to stand up for himself or do anything, so I went along with whatever she said. She even took me to some freaky convention with a preacher who did magic fingers and his sheep audience would go crazy because they can "feel the holy spirit." I was in the front row. I felt nothing. The therapist then proceeded to drag me to the preacher and tell him in front of everyone "before you go please can you heal him he's homosexual" - to which the preacher responded with "sorry I got a plane to catch" and bolted. Overall a great experience to add to my list of childhood traumas.

[@tkenglander6226]

😮 How horrifying! Soooooo sorry those things happened to you - you deserved so much more.

[@TheLurulude]

I know I am really late for the discussion, but I once had a trial meeting with a therapist to see if he could be a good fit for me. He refused to call my diagnosed severe depression 'depression'. Almost all I remeber from the session is "to deal with these challenges, we can call it depression for example, ..." and I was just baffled. Like mate, I can barely get up in the morning, it is depression

[@hikikomoriarty]

"We can call it" depression?? WTF, hahaha!!! Gimme a break. Wow, that sucks - I hope you found someone better than THAT to help you.

[@juliedefee598]

I once had a counselor take a personal call to discuss dinner plans during my session.

[@SuperGuanine]

me too - my therapist kept her phone on the arm of her chair. when it rang she answered it. always trivial -- e.g. once her husband called to tell of his win in court. it got so bad that when i saw her i was always waiting for her phone to ring. it was like there were THREE people in the room and I was THIRD in importance.

[@sundayschoolteacher1383]

@@SuperGuanine How rude was she!

[@carolkir]

And they charged you for their time,right?

[@sophierutkowski]

I had one leave to go make coffee and didn't return for half an hour. My session was nearly over by the time she got back

[@sundayschoolteacher1383]

@@sophierutkowski How disgusting is that.

[@kiss4strawberry]

How about when you tell them that you feel tired, have zero energy, difficulties concentrating, studying issues, loss of appetite and difficulty gaining weight they brush it off thinking it's your excuse because you're lazy and it doesn't fit with your psychological diagnosis but they never bring up the possibility that the client may have a physical problem? It turned out I have anemia, hypotension and grew up with gastroparesis... Edit: I have GERD and occasional IBS, but the symptoms I had were very similar to gastroparesis, anyways, it still makes it harder for me to gain weight. Recently, I started taking medication and changed my diet so now my stomach issues are getting better. Thank you for the comments ❤️

[@oliviacadena2036]

How awful really and sad!!! I can relate to you. Disappointment city!!!!! Best wishes to you always with your healing and all!! GBU 😥😥😥😥❤❤❤

[@Medietos]

In any case, at least for an Asperger, they should explain that it is the sound soul within that they want to work with, not the wounded, symptom-laden victim sufferer.That it is menat to summon the I - forces and get going constructively , and not let the illness linger and prevail onwards (excuse my clumsy English). saying that they don't mena to devalue ones suffering. It is hard since both the sick and the healthy I is withing the skin, and they could explain what they are doing. Some therapists think that the patient might use the info manipulatingly, or not be honest. As I did a neuropsychiatric examination, the psychiatrist was clearly not healthy, profound, wise, mature and knowledgeable enough to examine and assess me, and there fore I researched the specific female Asperger in order to be of help. He the claimed me to have done that to deceive and manipulate the test and him. I felt really hurt, expecting him to know the basic trait: Aspergers are truthful, we don't usually lie, + don't get why ppl lie so much. He claimed I wanted the diagnosis, while I wanted the truth about myself, and really wanted to be of help. I had heard of a Dr who specialized in the female Aspergers, and we differ, just like normies do(Male-female) Female Asps are more manly than normal women, and male Asps are more asocial, distant, stiff than norm men. Fem Asps care more for and work more to get social skills than the men counterparts, and we (can) hide/camouflage our disability more, for better and for worse.

[@kathryncarter6143]

Dangerous. And I've seen it the other way too. Some fully acknowledge the validity of your medical problems. Then they go on to insist that if you would just get your thoughts straight, you'd see a marked reduction in your physical issues. While I believe both play a factor in ones general overall health; it's just not that cut & dry.

[@insanezenmistress]

I'd say hey doc...my parents ducked me up by ignoring me that exact same why that I am an adult paying you to help me get over. Good today I learned assertiveness, I'll expect my refund within five business days.

[@xyzzdoe3674]

@@kathryncarter6143 I concur. Have heard of some saying that if the person had the right attitude then the (bad) physical treatment they were giving would work. As it is also now known that the gut microbiome affects your brain (not the other way round) and with it your emotions, sensitivity to pain, susceptibility to illness, etc, the mental health part can't really be addressed properly until the person is physically healthier. May even disappear on its own as the person gets healthier, as the OP stated.

[@greengirldani]

would love to add, criticizing their clients for their choices. after ending my last therapist relationship, I realized I was depressed and that depression was never aided by her. her response was “just feel sad” when I talked about how depression was affecting my daily activities (school, sleep). i also realized being depressed made me vulnerable to invalidating statements (at the time, made by friends) and when I told her how I felt, she simply stated that “my picker was off” and somehow blaming me for other people’s actions towards me. suffice to say, i didn’t respond to her last text and told her I was stopping sessions. i don’t need a therapist that thinks I can’t handle myself

[@greengirldani]

she also used my parents’ role in my upbringing against me as a reason for the friends in my life.

[@bsings7928]

I had 7 bad therapists that could fall under these categories before I found one that could help. I actually thought the 7th was the one. I felt really comfortable and heard with her and she was really helping me. However I hit a low point, got hospitalized and she told me “I can’t handle you anymore.” She dropped me with no referral. It still stings but I’m glad she did because all these years later I’m still with the 8th one. That one is amazing

[@hikikomoriarty]

That's so awful you had so many bad therapists, and the last one dropped you in your greatest time of need! 😿 But so glad that that somehow got you to your final GOOD therapist! 😺

[@LoisDScully]

My first therapist ended up telling me he is in love with me and wants to have sex with me and second one kept making fun of people who are "middle" and "lower" class. I lost my trust in therapists and I don't want to give my trust and hope (and money) to someone only to end up being hurt

[@monikas1613]

This is so wrong what the fuck

[@Jess-ej8ud]

I'm so sorry wtf :(

[@the11382]

Wow, not only did he violate several rules, he is a massive red flag. Especially if it was a date instead of therapy. He should have lost his license asap.

[@alyxcoe2608]

I thought you might say: they don't listen, they talk too much, they provide quick fix answers, they tell you to cheer up.

[@gwhiz5109]

I was dealing with sexual harassment by my manager while on a critical project that would entail a trip overseas. At this time I was also caring for my mother in the late stages of terminal cancer. I finally went to a therapist after a coworker noticed I was unaware my eyes were crying while I was cheerfully saying I was “fine”. I learned to disconnect from an early age to function in an an abusive home, but now I was nuts. I had very little time so I gave the therapist a thorough personal history and assessment of my current situation. Her response: “Boy, your life sounds like a soap opera!” She said that since I was obviously able to talk, she felt I was a good fit in group therapy. The next 4 sessions were a waste of time, listening to others’ problems. One thing I did realize from it was my immediate problems would eventually resolve. The project would be completed. My mother would die. I’d report the harassment, then if forced out, I’d find another job. Ultimately, I learned to catch my whining, to act when I can, acknowledge my pain and be kinder to myself. No thanks to the “therapist “.

[@hikikomoriarty]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, how awful and unhelpful!! You should be so proud of yourself to figure out a way forward, all by yourself (though you should not have been left to it by yourself, that was so wrong). It reminds me of the time I became suicidal because too many things had happened to me, so I went to the hospital emergency, and when I could finally talk to someone, I told him everything that had happened that brought me to here. You know what he said when I finished telling my tale? "That's the longest story I've ever heard." WTF was that??! No kindness, no caring, no validation, no empathy, no words of hope or encouragement. Just: wow, what a bloody long story I was forced to listen to! 😅 **LOL**

[@doricetimko5403]

❤

[@Kingoftheworld500]

The worst counselors are the one that make you feel worse when the sessions are over and make you dread your next. The best make you leave feeling positive about your goals.

[@nodiggity8746]

I find hilarious your serious/non judgmental tone of voice when you talk about stuff that sounds quite funny to me

[@kesmarn]

"Super Sad Disorder" would be a great example.

[@SugaryPhoenixxx]

Dr. Grande is the king of dead pan humor. & I really don't think he is even trying to be funny. It is his complete indifference to emotion that makes him so funny. I would hate to try to interrogate Dr. Grande. He would be un-phased by even the most aggressive interrogator! lol

[@mumbus272]

Blue haired millenial woman=misandrist

[@SugaryPhoenixxx]

@@mumbus272 Well since she didn't say anything hateful towards men, & you took such a personal interest in her profile picture just to tell her she must be a misandrist, makes me think that you are the one who is full of hate.

[@mumbus272]

@@SugaryPhoenixxx yes but to my defense my hate is trauma related by suburu driving blue hair Hitachi using tattooed woman who constantly label men mysoginists and sociopaths and narcissists...further more..mind your own damn business she can be her own defender..she doesn't need captain co dependency to save her mean man hating ass

[@Pozorrogo]

I told my therapist that my depression meds werent working and made me feel weird and I wasnt doing well, so she told me to double the dose. 3 days later I was in a hallucinating manic episode where I thought I was the only 'real' person on earth and everyone else was a government plant to make me feel real. I ended up having a 12 hour panic attack, broke my TV and went from crying to throwing-stuff mad. I had NEVER IN MY LIFE felt like that or done those things. I stopped that med completely, went back to the therapist and told them what happened and all they could say is "Oh thats not good' I told her she was the cause of it, that I could have hurt myself or someone else and she didnt even apologize. I got a new therapist who is a very nice guy and is very concerned when it comes to changing or upgrading meds. If you tell your therapist your meds arent working and they DOUBLE THE DOSE? Thats dangerous. This lady almost put me into a mental hospital or worse

[@SanctaJives]

Oh god. Was she your prescriber? Or qualified in any way to make medication suggestions?

[@Pozorrogo]

@@SanctaJives Yes she was my mental health physician! I don't even go to an actual doctors office for my mental health meds, I go to the actual mental health department and speak to a mental health professional who asks me questions every few months and sees if Im feeling and doing okay with my meds. It was literally her job to ask me about how my meds were doing/how im feeling on them and make any necessary changes. She was playing with my life honestly. I believe she was an 'RNP' Registered Nurse Practitioner, so she should have known better. I know I called her a therapist but thats a whole different building, the lady who gives the prescriptions has several medical licenses to be able to do so considering a lot of mental health meds are anxiety/benzo (street drug kinda stuff) they have to be extra careful in how they prescribe things like that

[@CPT_Pepper]

Sounds like EFFEXOR...

[@grownupandgardening4216]

Very common in my experience

[@queenieburgers50]

Horrible, stuff like that is why I gave up psychiatric medicine. Unhelpful, feel weird, gaining weight, say it isn't helping, and they dramatically increase it with little thought. No apologies. They're lacking empathy to not even apologize. Without an apology, I think it was intentional and not a mistake, glad you have someone new. They listening to you? Being kind?

[@S.A.White...]

I was looking for a counselor after my mom died and I was spiraling because I was scared her boyfriend, who was living in the house I had inherited from her, would hurt me or a loved one (he was making death threats) or burn down the house or something. First person I called I left a message, something pretty bland about how I was struggling with my mom's death and there was a bad estate situation with a guy I thought was potentially dangerous, and in her voicemail response she said she was sorry that my mom's boyfriend "irked" me but she didn't have any spots open. I still remember that word "irked". Really hurt my feelings. Next person I talked to was understanding and concerned. Turns out she worked as a therapist on serial killer cases, etc, and when I said he scares me she was like "I understand and you need to listen to that". When I was like "the people who commit violence are usually the people you know" she was like "yup". SO MUCH BETTER

[@jerronjackson6613]

I recently blocked an ex counselor who actually started telling me to meet her at restaurants where she would buy me drinks even when I was on medication. She was very narcissistic and insecure. she would give me her clothes to wear and always wanted to hang out with me but she was also rude and snappy with me and easily angered by anyone. She also took me to her house where we would have drinks and I would hear her curse her 10 year old daughter out. . I would categorize that as a bad counselor.

[@DrHenryAuD]

I’m 25 and I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 8. Here are a few standout red flag moments: -One told me that Jesus would “heal my autism” if I prayed hard enough. -A university counselor once told me that I’m a bad person for criticizing my father’s abusive behavior because he’s dead and she believes it’s wrong to “speak ill of the dead.” -One suggested that being assaulted made me gay (obviously that’s ridiculous, but dude. I’ve known I was gay since I was 13 and I was assaulted when I was 16. The math ain’t really mathing here)

[@j1233191]

Sounds almost like you were in a hardline Republican place in the USA. .

[@thesaddestdude3575]

Jesus christ! Or like in your case not i suppose! Its really terrible that they think you "became" gay from the assault, also to suggest that that should change, your sexuality is yours no mattwr what enyone else tells you. As somone with autism it makes me so tired whenever i hear about all that snakeoil "can cure autism" stuff. People use faith and such as a tool to manipulate people who are under pressure especially parents of people who have autism. And for a counselor to do that is just wrong! I had a counselor who i found out was communicating with my family, i can't know what they communicated about or how much but they did, i have tried this not once but twice and even though both times were somwhat helpfull i guess, its still a break in trust, and at this point im scared of seeking another one, even though i know i need it.

[@GETBENT1331]

@@j1233191 sounds like politics dictate your life. why do you judge people based on their political affiliation?

[@j1233191]

@@GETBENT1331 I'm not, I know not all American right wingers are like that but from what I've read about what goes on there, it's FANATICAL Republicans who are typically like that, not moderate Republicans

[@GETBENT1331]

@@j1233191 the american capital has 2 wings. the house of reps and the senate. i really do not know where this right and left wing thing came from meaning democrats and republicans. and why are republicans looked at like the bad child? it is because the democrats paint them that way. too much adjectives come from democrats about republicans. they only insult and talk bad on them. it is finger pointing. you fell into that role by saying something bad about republicans. everyone does it.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

lol Im stuck on "angry person disorder"- that describes half the internet lol

[@satsumamoon]

:D

[@number3stunner118]

It's actually contagious

[@elizabethbennet4791]

@@number3stunner118 lol so true

[@pahtosh]

Half ?

[@AngelaMerici12]

How would you define people on Twitter??

[@thebigbadwolf639]

Always obtain and read you own charts! I had a "dr" label me as abusive when i didn't agree with the treatment plan. He had no right to change any plan because he was temporarily filling in for my primary physician anyway

[@cynthianoelting4991]

You have the right to disagree with the plan of care. This doctor should have just documented his recommendations in the chart and note that you were not agreeable with them. Most of us trust our usual doctor and don't want anything changed until we see that person or talk to them . I agree this MD should not have put "abusive" in your medical record.

[@christinalomeli3171]

My therapist started to comment about my appearance all the time - always telling me how beautiful I was. He then started to try to coach me and would use words in regards to our counseling relationship like "codependent" & "our music" ....all kinds of stuff until I finally called him out. He basically told me I needed to learn to accept a compliment 😳😱🤮🤢 I immediately stopped seeing and it freaked me out to the point that I haven't sought out another therapist even though I truly need one.

[@grizzlybear4]

"Weaponizing a diagnosis"....thank you for pointing out how unethical that is! It can ruin a life.

[@gabriellagrey4163]

I just had this done to me and it has thrown my life upside down, after making the diagnosis she disappeared. Totally weaponised a diagnosis.

[@mariskadzerzhinskiy8610]

It can affect your ability to get proper and timely medical care. I needed emergency surgery because one doctor attributed my pain to "anxiety".

[@normansmith9110]

That could start a human rights issue as it did with a certain singer.

[@normansmith9110]

I'll add another. Anyone who was ever a therapist for Britney Spears while she was in conservatorship.

[@bookcreator]

I remember one therapist I went to who said "oh, that's good for the insurance, they love that stuff" in our introductory meeting when I told her I had panic attacks and that she didn't take people with "really serious problems". Also didn't know what CBT was. Needless to say I did not schedule another appointment

[@Catlily5]

My boyfriend's uncle was a therapist. He told me he only treated "creative normals" .

[@ddelarosa96]

As someone who is studying psychology (currently working through pre-req’s), I’m so glad to hear about the “one-hit wonder” because I’ve heard of several modalities I can see being affective but was worried I may have to decide one to really hone in on and strictly practice it alone. I’m a good way off from finishing so I don’t want to ever get too presumptuous, but videos from professionals like you help. Thank you

[@eamoncollier]

I saw the video title and I thought, "This is quite ballsy to post. Either this is going to be very good from a humble place or its going to be very subjective." I really like how you prefaced the content and it is again, really well done. I stopped seeing a therapist recently because he works mostly with late teen, early twenty year old people and I'm 45. His approach just wasn't effective for me. But this video helps a lot in my search for a good counselor.