The Silent Killer of Your Relationship in 2024 (EP 161)

NECTAR IS OFFICIALLY IN EVERY FRED MEYER IN WASHINGTON
To celebrate, we are having a meeting and greet and throwing a phat party in Seattle
May 17 & 18. Send "SEATTLE" to 844-624-0991 for all the details
In Today's Episode we'll be breaking down The Rise of Asian Men in America, The Oxford Study, and discussing the Infamous Phrase 'If He Wanted to He Would'...
😇 NECTAR HARD SELTZER IS LAUNCHING 476 NEW STORES IN THE NEXT 2 MONTHS:
Ralph's (SoCal), Safeway (NorCal), Target (CA, OR, WA, NYC), Walmart (HI), and MUCH MORE!!!!!!
To be alerted when it launches in your city, "SPRING" to 844,624,0991📲
📍Find us in SELECT STORES* in 6 states - CA, TX, HI, WA, NYC & NJ: bit.ly/3OTAefc123
(must be 21+. drink responsibly)
SuperBonsai's 2ND Product, a powerful natural Liver Detox and Support Tincture: SUPERLIVER is dropping MAY 6!!! Text: LIVER to 844-688-0041 to be first on list for Launch!
💊SUPER RECOVERY by SuperBonsai is OUT NOW! 100% Natural Ingredients formulated to tackle every part of your hangover. bit.ly/3MMhLB6
you can give us your phone # for 20% off!
📹 Watch Esther and Jeremy's "First date":
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Hit the #UTI or #Submit-Topics channel and you can start submitting questions and discussion topics there. There is also an anonymous submission channel for those who are shy.
Timecodes (Episode #161):
00:00 - Intro
01:02 - Intro
04:56 - Do Water Brands Taste Different?
25:01 - Coachella Fixed His Sleep Schedule
40:28 - Viet Went To Church For The First Time
55:09 - Why Do Hot Asian Women Date Mid White Guys!?
1:00:31 - The Rise of Asian Men
1:15:59 - Which Country Has The Hottest People?
1:30:06 - If He Wanted To, He Would
1:45:57 - Dollar Store Therapy
1:51:48 -Outro
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Intro song by Killagraham
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#podcast #undertheinfluence #nectar

[@rachelleannekaaihue925]

So I can find Nectar at every Costco in SD?

[@UnderTheInfluenceShow]

We're in 3 costco's at the moment! send "sandy" to 844,624,0991 for addresses but it's the mission valley, morena, and carmel valley locations that got it!

[@rachelleannekaaihue925]

@@UnderTheInfluenceShow Awesome thank you !!

[@kaylavngo]

HAYYYYY RACHELLE LMFAO

[@rachelleannekaaihue925]

@@kaylavngo LOL Hey Girl🥳

[@royalekingdavid-clashroyal9088]

extreme respect to viet. that’s what christianity is about, it’s not about doing good works to get into heaven, it’s realizing that gods care and love is unconditional to us and it’s by his grace we are saved. once you believe you deadass get a sense of unexplainable peace in your life, and a sense that no matter what gods got you and it’ll work out

[@clos2965]

I got a lot closer to God recently and I dont go to church, but i have been praying much more frequently and it feels good to feel closer to God

[@zoepark3163]

I love when jeremy says "pop the photo" and points and just nothing happens XD

[@UnderTheInfluenceShow]

editor catching hands

[@ken9922]

viet’s story about going back to church truly touched me. i grew up going to church and if you grew up in church you know the struggles of why some of us choose to not continue going in our adult life. but i will say i’ve been watching the pod for a while and seeing how much viet has changed and grown since the first ep is truly amazing. i may not agree with everything you guys say on the podcast sometimes but i definitely will say that hearing you guys talk about god has changed some of the repressed anger i had from church/christianity. viet im truly so glad you are doing well and i will always pray for your healing! sometimes hearing viet’s story made me think why would god allow him to go through so much and i remember jeremy always saying yes it was awful what he went thru but had he not going thru all that he wouldn’t be the person he is today and i think that truly changed my perspective. i think there is saying bad things don't happen to people because they deserve that. life just doesn't work that way. like no matter who we are, we have to take the hand we're dealt, crappy though it may be, and try our very best to move forward anyway, to love anyway, to have hope anyway, to have faith that there's a purpose to the journey we're on anyways rambling but viet you truly were put on this earth to touch peoples hearts and you have touched mine. may god continue to use you as a shining light to others.❤️❤️

[@MissPiggy3]

Thank you Viet for sharing with us ,wow what a beautiful sight to see....i literally got teary and just a rush of warmth, God is good.

[@PurpleKoco]

Wootak is very wrong on when girls say ‘if he wanted to he would’. Esther was making a critical point. Women DO communicate and express desires and men won’t reciprocate for the reason y’all mentioned. Viet was right. The version where it’s a screenshot of $500 being sent and girls saying that comment yes, it can be toxic and is superficial. ‘If he wanted to he will’ stemmed from women wanting to be treated with empathy.

[@PurpleKoco]

Also Wootak, what women are you hanging around. It sounds like they lack depth or need to grow.

[@rlee6860]

You attract what you are…

[@jk4115]

definitely missed wootak on here, without him there's not enough yap and chaotic energy

[@liyinchong4493]

So true. UTI will never be the same without Wootak.

[@annaleepayne3386]

I’m going to buy as many boxes of nectar as I can so Esther can get her ring 😉

[@brayisme]

Shout out Viet. Bumped into homie at Coachella. Real ass dude✊🏾💯

[@jennifercrystal1157]

I agree with wootak on the “if he wanted to he would” literally such a toxic mindset to have in a relationship. I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and let me tell you your partner WILL fall short to some of your needs and wants. As long as they are trying even if it’s baby steps give them that grace if you want it to work. The biggest thing that helped me was knowing I got a good man by my side and when he falls short i know his intentions where not to hurt me he is just human. Also alot of communication, understanding and tackling the issue as a team.

[@ChineloOk]

So proud of you viet, not even the religious turn around, you just sound really calm and steady now. I hope everything remains well with you by Gods grace.

[@lamma746]

If he wanted to he would is the same with and without communication. It’s always been both. The idea is if you want to have something, you will see it through. It’s not toxic, it’s true. If you want a job you’ll put you all in. People put their energy where they want to. Sometimes stress is a factor, but mental health is NEVER an excuse for your behavior. Also, people do not have to put up with it. It has everything to do with priorities and being thoughtful.

[@lamma746]

Also, idk where Wootak get his stats 😭 but that’s not a low percentage of situation. Even outside of romantic relationships, people refuse to do or set aside things they don’t see as valuable. It’s very common. The truth is some people aren’t compatible. The whole work through it thing only works if everyone put in effort, a lot if the time peoples needs are communicated, but if it seems irrelevant or small it get set to the side.

[@ladieh_13]

Yey! Watching while im working. Been waiting for my weekly dose of serotonin 😊

[@carbee123]

Been keeping an eye out for the thumbnail, excited for today’s episode 😁

[@Kimberly-xv4is]

So happy for you and your journey Viet!

[@chiiicken_]

Yes sir 🎉 just what I needed today!!!

[@zoepark3163]

lovely episode!! love that you all laughed so much, it seemed like you enjoyed yourselves a lot more than during the past few episodes :)))

[@lilithlee73]

I might be in the minority but I don’t think “if he wanted to, he would” is an inherently toxic mindset. to some extent I think it’s ridiculous to act as if *everything* in a relationship has to be directly communicated. you have to always ask your partner to get you a gift? to take you out on a date? to spend time with you? obviously people fall short sometimes and they can’t read your mind, but if you’re with someone and they never/rarely put in effort for you - that is most likely a conscious thing that they are doing. and then there’s the other side of the problem that esther mentioned where you have to ask and ask and then when you want to leave then suddenly they do all the things you asked of them. relationships are always give and take and i don’t think you should leave at the first sign of trouble, but at some point we have to be honest with ourselves and realize that there are a lot of ppl that settle for the bare minimum.

[@lamma746]

You’re not the minority. People tailor anything to be toxic when it fits their situation. It’s not hard to understand that you may be dating someone who’s incompatible. No ones wrong. The two of you value different things in a relationship.

[@etagged]

It sounds reasonable when you mention basic things like gifts, dates, and spending time but often girls have expectations attached to those things and some sort of entitlement - it can't be just _any_ gift, date, or method of spending time. So the guy may want to do that broad category of thing but the girl's entitlement or narrow mindedness may be off-putting and make it difficult to follow through. If the things you wanted to do benefitted your man too, wouldn't he be tripping over himself to do them with you?

[@lilithlee73]

@@etagged as someone who is in a relationship and has been for years: not everything you do with/for your partner are things you want to do. sorry, but that’s just the way it is. i hate marvel movies, but he loves them so i’ll go watch one with him even if it’s not my favorite because i know it’ll make him happy. a lot of the time, i end up still enjoying myself. you start to lose the plot when you begin adding new scenarios or stipulations because the main argument is that “if he wanted to, he would” is inherently toxic, and it just isn’t. like everything in life, if becomes toxic if you go too far or become unreasonable.

[@etagged]

@@lilithlee73 Well you said ""it’s ridiculous to act as if *everything* in a relationship has to be directly communicated". But now I think it's clear from your example that activities can be mutually beneficial unless one person loves them and the other hates them. "If he wanted to he would" then should be a "last resort" for irreconcilable values/interests and it sounds more like an exit strategy rather than a positive way to view your relationship (and at that point things should probably be directly communicated). The "if he wanted to he would" principle is really just basic economics - people do things they they feel has more utility than cost - but here we're *actually* talking about one sided wish fulfilment.

[@lilithlee73]

@@etagged Well, yes. I already said that it’s a response to an already existing problem. I’m glad you agree. I was very clear in my original post that communication is important and that you should not leave a relationship just because of one disagreement. The main point of that phrase is recognizing a pattern of behavior and acknowledging that you could find a partner that meets your needs if you are not fulfilled in your current relationship. It already *is* a last resort situation because it’s acknowledging what you already know. A lot of people need that push to tell them it’s okay to let go and move on because that’s a difficult thing to do, especially for women. I respect your opinion, but it feels like you’re trying to shift the conversation from its original topic because what I was saying was starting to make a little too much sense. Have a good one.

[@snowyumi]

I love how comfortable you guys are talking about your faith! It made me become an even bigger fan of y’all because I definitely saw growth from listening to your older episodes to recent. 🙌👏 Maturity >>>> but still funny😂 also would love to hear y’all’s thoughts about Hmong girls (iykyk)

[@erikachae]

where I live, this April has been the coldest, rainiest month in over 100 years :0 but UTI would liven me up each week; walking in the rain wasn't so lonely while listening to you guys banter and discuss serious topics; sincere thanks for all your hard work! c;

[@munaosman7563]

Love this podcast 😄

[@anaismontoya7]

Theres a saying .. " My precious child, I love you and will never leave you Never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."-JC

[@Wynaut1517]

my like is for Viet going back to church, huge step bro.

[@suppower622]

Idk dude theo from moesha was pretty hot. Like every black girl in existence had a crush on that Asian man.

[@wm354]

Viets character development is 🔥🔥

[@kinageez]

Well I don’t drink but I guess I have to run to the store now to get me some nectar boxes… Esther’s big rock exorbitant lavish ring that’s gonna drain Jeremy’s pockets; we comin for you 💍

[@morganlori9743]

I knew I didnt recognize the thumbnail, the vid was posted 10min ago🤣

[@robyngentle9185]

For some Asian men too. If they choose not to date/marry another Asian, they’ll more likely date/marry a white woman. And on another topic, not related, and not that it really matters, but JK of BTS is the only one younger than Wootak. Two of them born 1995, two others 1994, one born 1993, and another 1992. JK was born in 1997.

[@taeminsgf4275]

Love your growth viet

[@rigo5603]

excited for the new product woo

[@abisinyapaul7110]

I’m so happy for you Viet😊

[@NeosLifts21]

Wootak was so damn funny in this episode 😂

[@zainabjabed5559]

❤loved this pod

[@dollface2778]

Not Wootak going straight to my childhood with Hans😂😂 altho if you have seen Cinderella with Brandy in it that's where it started fir me ❤

[@spooxbeatz805]

NOTI GANG ALSO WELCOME BACK WOO🤘🏽

[@ashleymerchant6462]

Vietnam I’m so happy for you. I couldn’t help to tear up. I really hope everyday is filled with more and more love.

[@Emerican156]

didn’t realize y’all sell nectar here in new jersey! will definitely give it a try!!!

[@TMichelle555]

“‘I’m experiencing real racism right now” LMAO idk why that made laugh

[@JennJadeTran]

Just tried nectar last month and the case lasted me almost 3-4 weeks cause I don’t drink like that. But they hella helped me when I needed to take the edge off. I have a 2 year old so it helps me be at ease but not so lit that I can’t tend to my son. Fire 🔥

[@selestemejia1872]

The girlies very much say “if he wanted to he would” in the sense Esther is making. The social media sense Wootak is stating is normally girls trolling/joking around in an extreme sense of the saying

[@ariknight2052]

100% and honestly the men need to hush a little more when speaking about women's issues They tend to bulldoze the women during these topics instead of trying to listen and understand...they're practically on edge trying to respond to invalidate her point as if she doesn't know when and why women are saying the phrase

[@myke19p52]

Great episode will be buying nectar and the new product

[@lilianadelrea]

Viet and Esther need a little asmr episode yall are always taking away their food 😂

[@ruthdsouza169]

Amen to Viet finding his faith

[@rlee6860]

No I disagree with how “if he wanted to he would” mindset is wrong. If a guy takes an entire day to reply every time, never takes his girl out on a date, continues to follow half naked girls on IG, that tells me everything I need to know. So, if he wanted to, he would🤷‍♀️

[@elijah2859]

I’m 😅😅

[@CassandraL666]

I was a wee baby tiny in small town white American and I LOVED BIG BANG SO MUCH.

[@honganhnguyen1392]

Baby daddy’s backkkkk lol

[@morganlori9743]

23:50 I thought I was trippin too, that was way more than two drops😭💀

[@pangusng5006]

Love the vid

[@elenaoshino]

So proud of viet❤❤

[@AlissaRivard]

Love that for u viet ❤

[@marians1683]

oh, we talking about the walking dead. I'm in 😂😂😂😂

[@ivy3986]

oooo definitely need that super liver for my friend. was a heavy drinker and still has some effects from inflamed liver, love that it’s all natural too

[@skyscraper2475]

This is the first episode I've watched in a few months so just found out Jeremy and Esther are together?! 🥳🥳🥳

[@UnderTheInfluenceShow]

nah, just rumors

[@tanelyamn]

I’m so proud of you viet 🥹💗

[@JacquiCuff]

Also I feel for Esther on the 'girls expect guys to read their minds and their needs automatically' kinda thing. I swear it isn't a girl or guy issue. In my experience men tend to not communicate healthily or clearly, at least in the older generations. It is a case by case basis perhaps Wootak always attracts those girls and I always attract those guys. Who knows.

[@JacquiCuff]

Wootak's 'people with not much relationship experience' is a far better recognition, or people who do not take the time to reflect on what they could've done better from relationships that failed.

[@hi_saylee]

56:00 Jeremy ready to throw hands lol

[@Bobateababyy]

I laughed so hard out loud when I heard Jeremy say Filipino men 😭 as a Filipina

[@oliviagarcia9601]

esther is on point w ryan higa

[@odethrubio9507]

Come to Chicago !!!

[@yasenia1386]

As a Mexican woman I never dated a white man bc our cultures are extremely different and I’m all about family. My fiance is Filipino and we connect easily because our cultures are similar and plus he’s sexy af 🥵 I honestly do notice a lot of Asian woman going for mid white dudes and its crazy af 😭

[@MeganAKH]

No one is going to mention Rick Yune from F&F 1?? Literally my childhood celebrity crush!

[@andreamurillo1309]

Favorite notification :P

[@andreamurillo1309]

(I’m obsessed with Wootak)

[@Jadedgemini22]

@@andreamurillo1309same

[@kaddiahthorne9911]

You guys should do a podcast with the ha sisters

[@hi_saylee]

41:03 prayin over you and the UTI crew

[@Branch_of_youth]

👏🏾👏🏾 beautiful! And as a CEO in a Christian community (jk ) but for real we welcome you with big arms open! God will show more of himself to you in so many ways! I can’t wait what he’ll do in your future!

[@siamese..]

Back to the Navy background pleaseee guys

[@chibi_otaku5213]

Damn I’m early too🎉

[@Jadedgemini22]

Simps for Wootak ❤

[@anaismontoya7]

I was about to say yall forgot the guy from Lost until jermey mentioned him

[@B00TYclapperCLUB69]

Jeromy's one liners be too funny 😂😂 " O from fake dot come"

[@yoshii4life]

I sow a video on TikTok of a woman sharing her journey with her man building a family, career, business but caption saying “why haven’t you gotten married after 15 years”. But everyone in the comments was saying that if he wanted to he would😭 (to propose to her) no matter what’s going on.

[@user-uv3zu5zt4l]

not one to usually comment but I don't think America should be painted as the great guy in Korea's war when they were the one to instigate a war, to begin with, I'm sure it was a joke because it is such a complicated war but it was basically straight up a war between USA and soviet union nothing to do with saving "Korea" and north korea is a tragic aftermath of that war that shouldn't have happened. The Vietnam War and Korea's war were started for basically the same reason (one of course much more gruesome than the other), just had to comment :)

[@shineify17]

Does speeding through the ads have the same effect as skipping them?

[@wezouskimac5659]

everyone thats an OG and loves this podcast leave a likee and somee loveee SUBSCRIBE OR VIET IS COMING FOR YALL

[@clos2965]

I would easily correctly guess all those waters instantly

[@danirodriguez4841]

I am currently taking Berberine for reasons completely besides liver health. I wasn’t aware it had liver benefits? I’m wondering what benefits it has that made you consider it for your liver health drops? Would be cool to know sense it’s something I’m taking. :P

[@annijakielbicka8030]

Latvia mentioned 🦅🦅🦅🦅

[@eiladelaflor7777]

In my fever dream they would collab with Dr Kirk Honda from Psychology in Seattle while they are in Seattle 😭 idk if they would mesh but they have been doing more relationship and healing type episodes so maybe ??

[@nubiavergara19]

I missed Woo sm lol

[@KookiekimLove_yourself]

If I make a short one shot fanfic of you guys would you be down to read it ?

[@mort2619]

The “If he wanted to, he would” statement, at least in my experience, stems from being mistreated, being abused, not being made a priority in the relationship, while they expect you to look at them like they’ve move mountains bc they took out the trash or some bullshit. 😒 I think the younger generations have just watched their seniors go through so much bs relationship wise that they’ve decided to hold themselves and their partners to a higher standard. If anyone else remembers Ronnie and Sam from the Jersey Shore. They were the epitome of “if he wanted to, he would.”

[@kristingamez]

Wootak needs to look up how old BTS is 🤨

[@jxxxvii]

Why is the word sexy bleeped lol

[@liyinchong4493]

I was wondering whether Super Bonzai can be taken as a liver supplement ? And how people from outside America can get it ? 🤔

[@rivershaley]

1:20:41 my boomer mom always said people in her generation hung their shoes up like that on the last day of school

[@clos2965]

Im a real water connoisseur

[@kiamnacarrasco7898]

Damn, I’m early

[@Chzuki]

1:07:55 me waiting for them to mention rain the kpop idol who played in ninja assassin

[@alejandrafimbres2473]

❤

[@nonplyrcharacter8962]

16:16 editor watching over and not popping up the photo.

[@gpslaurel]

“The Internet Phenomenon” is so common in the Filipino culture! It’s insane seeing mid and most of the time older white male gets with a young beautiful Filipina

[@miguelordonez2186]

VIET is growing, W friend group and W Viet

[@lammlife]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@annies3094]

the standford study exists - it's a famous psychological experiment lmao

[@angelinafisher4853]

I definitely watched the walking dead and was in love with glen I stopped watching when he died 😂

[@zaina022]

23:30 VIET the dragon 🐉

[@user-dk3dd4sk4l]

♥️🧡💛

[@lisa-vr8fx]

late to comment but i think it’s really interesting how asian women get fetishized in the same way as eastern european women - by creating the fantasy of them being “submissive” and “traditional”, when the reality is just so different lmao. super interesting episode, so happy to see you all together again ❤

[@paigewilkinson5228]

Australia mentioned 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@kevinibarra3802]

NECTAR IN TAMPA FL PLEASE