The simple yet profound question of self-compassion | Steve Hickman

Dr Steve Hickman is the former Executive Director of the non-profit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, a Certified Mindful Self-Compassion teacher and trainer, and a Clinical Psychologist by training. He is also a Retired Associate Clinical Professor in the University of California at San Diego School of Medicine, as well as the Founding Director of the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness. Here we chat about self-compassion and the Mindful Self-Compassion program, as well as self-compassion for men.
TARGETED PLAYLIST LINK:
Compassion in a T-Shirt: In Session
LINKS
Self-compassion for Dummies by Dr Steve Hickman
www.amazon.com...
Dr Steve Hickman website
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Center for Mindful Self-Compassion
centerformsc.org
If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: www.amazon.com...
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[@Arven8]

Thanks for doing these videos. It's an important subject. It reminds me of "inner child" work in some ways. Back in the 80s, I got involved in Adult Children of Alcoholics. ACA and similar programs of the time taught people the importance of becoming a "loving parent" to their "inner child." In a way, that's similar to self-compassion. I mean, "become your own loving parent" is not too far from "be compassionate towards yourself." Unfortunately, ACA and inner child work faded from public consciousness after a while. From my perspective, that happened because it got the impression of being too soft, indulgent, permissive, or just plain silly (e.g., people hugging teddy bears or Stuart Smalley saying, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" into the mirror). I imagine that self-compassion runs up against some of those same perceptions. However, self-compassion is coming from a more "respectable" place -- Buddhism and academic psychology, rather than ground-up from laymen in the addiction field. So maybe it will fare better. I hope so. It's critical work. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that that ACA work saved my life. Even four decades later, I still revisit it and continue to find it helpful. I hope more men recognize the importance of being kind and supportive to yourself. So many men are suffering. Male suicide rates are awful. Sadly, it seems to me (and many other men) that society doesn't much care. Men are supposed to suck it up, not complain, get on with it -- work, provide, protect, sacrifice. Society also tends to blame men for their predicament, ignoring both women's complicity (evolutionarily speaking, women have sexually selected men over millions of years for the same traits they now complain about - stoicism, dominance, status-orientation, aggressive edge, etc.) and belittling messages from the culture over the past 40 years. Anyhow, I could ramble on about this for hours, but I'd better leave it there. Thanks for the channel. New subscriber, interested listener.

[@drstansteindl]

I couldn't agree more. Paul Gilbert in particular has identified what he calls "fears, blocks and resistances to compassion." It's a revelatory idea, but also a no brainer when we think about it. People worry that self-compassion will be self-indulgent or selfish, soft or weak, or lax and lazy...or many other fears. Men in particular can find it hard to find their way into self-compassion, but I feel like it is important work. As you say, otherwise we are at risk of very problematic behaviours and outcomes. Thanks again!