The Sopranos: A Defense of AJ

[@j.m.2987]

In Germany, we call it „Wohlstandsverwahrlosung“, which roughly means „affluent neglect“. Affluent parents providing their children with everything, except for care of the soul, for lack of a better term.

[@PureKino]

Germans seem to have a word for every situation haha

[@victorsforza5578]

Otto von Bismarck ovah here.. hehehe

[@j.m.2987]

@@victorsforza5578 the leberwurst, over here!

[@victorsforza5578]

@@j.m.2987 Kaiser Wilhelm ovah here.. hehehe

[@j.m.2987]

@@victorsforza5578 Who never had the makings of a varsity Führer

[@PedroSilva-re6ck]

You forgot to point out AJ's nihilistic philosophy after reading a book for school. I believe it resonated so deeply because he lives in a household where right and wrong does not exist. He sees his father, a mobster, going on with his life without punishment, after all, there's very few moments on the show where Tony is actually hurt/affected by his actions. No wonder AJ believes the world has no meaning, in his life morally corrupt behavior is not only common, but justifiable.

[@juliawidmaier5334]

Excellent point

[@recoveringintrovert717]

It also stems from an atheist viewpoint, not having scripture to follow to know how to act, which causes angst from having too many choices in life and not knowing clear ideas of right and wrong. Tony is also an atheist, same as Aj. Tony's words mean a lot to Aj, but they mean nothing to Tony.

[@cal2005]

@@recoveringintrovert717 he's a shtrict catholic

[@recoveringintrovert717]

@@cal2005 no, he isn't. They are in name only. Tony is wary of superstition and such, very quick to dismiss it. AJ also talks about nihilism a lot, that life is all "a big nothing" and then you die. It leaves him with existential dread. His path in life at the end is literally handed to him, the choice made, so then he is no longer interested in going off to die in Iraq. He wanted to die in Iraq so his life would mean something, so he'd be a hero who was recognized. Tony gave him a cushy script writing job that would give him the narcissistic recognition AJ craved without having to do the actual work. Tony and AJ are both far too narcissistic and doubtful to be what you call "strict" Catholics. I mean ... if Tony was really a strict Catholic, would he kill, steal, cheat, etc?

[@cal2005]

i appreciate the essay but its a quote from the show@@recoveringintrovert717

[@MacabreStorytelling]

Robert Iler doesn't get enough credit for playing the character to such absolute perfection. You want to smack the sh*t out of him half the time but then there are times when you truly feel for the kid.

[@curt3019]

I thought you claimed you weren’t the biggest fans of The Sopranos. My respect for you as a constant KZbinr has fucking plummeted

[@MacabreStorytelling]

@@curt3019 awful show

[@mrebear9758]

@@MacabreStorytelling thankfully that's a minority view.

[@steinerstine2845]

@@MacabreStorytelling don't disrespect the pizza polar

[@dcworld4349]

@@curt3019 You do realize that his Tony video was about the character viewing what he does as morally wrong in the real world and not about the shows quality right? I mean I get it I find him entertaining to watch too I've seen the shows from start to finish 4 times it's great. But there is also no doubt that even if you had removed the fact that he has killed people, Tony would not be the most pleasant person to be around if he had to be a part of your life. One second he the most fatherly brotherly guy you could ever have that will help you in times of great need, and in the next he will mock and bully you into doing what he wants to do in the moment. Like with Christopher who he wanted to get into rehab and then after he has been clean for a few months wants him to be able to have drinks with him at dinner because Tony doesn't want to drink alone. Mocking him for not being able to have one drink without getting out of control. Or how he gets Bobby to do his first hit knowing that he had never done it, didn't want to do it, because he felt embarrassed that Bobby beat him up when he was the one who instigated the fight in the first place. There are countless examples of him sabotaging other people when he sees that they are happy and it's not always in moments where he himself is unhappy its just a way for him to amuse himself. He's a great fascinating character to watch because even when we see him do truly horrible things at the same time we get to see that he has a great humanity to him aswell. Something so many writers have a difficulty nailing down when trying to write complex characters. It's why 50 years from now Tony Soprano is still going to be viewed as one of the best TV characters of all time. But if you had to be around a Tony Soprano for an extended period of time you would at best walk away with a mild form of PTSD and a wrapped sense of self.

[@damascus21]

I think one other thing that's really ironic about AJ's fate is that AJ ultimately ended up getting what Christopher, Tony's godson, always wanted: AJ got the cushy film executive job and will probably end up in the Hollywood world

[@benbelzer8303]

That's a really good point! I hadn't thought about that.

[@chking0512]

Rip chrissy

[@bwillsskates2638]

if he wasn’t killed along with his family in the last episode.

[@olzhas1one755]

@@bwillsskates2638 Considering how Phil died, I don't think Carmela or the kids were shot.

[@blubber8510]

@@olzhas1one755 Yeah killing family during a hit is heavily scorned in the mafia world IIRC, was mentioned directly in the show when the threat of the New York mob going after Tony was high. It also supports the guardian angel symbolism with Meadow, if she had shown up to the diner on time then she would have sat next to Tony, removing the Members Only jacket guy of a good shot on his mark because of that rule.

[@smellsuperb1]

I love how Tony tried to palm his son's issues off as genealogical, as opposed to environmental and reactionary. Absolving himself of any parental responsibility whatsoever.

[@GunGun-cf3ss]

Oof madonna, sounds like my dad

[@SteveBerryhill]

Genes sure, but as much as I root for The Sopranos, they were bumbling terrible parents. Trust me, I've done it. Have a child in the Ivy League on an athletic scholarship. Meadow did it not because of them, but in spite of them.

[@milesbrown7345]

Carm deals wit tha kids

[@BasePuma4007]

Narcissistic as always. The writers were brilliant.

[@preworkoutfiend4650]

Bro carmela wouldn't let tony discipline him wtf. Excuse my words lol. But tony tried to send aj to military school. And he even made him get a hard job at the construction site

[@redtree8254]

Finally someone makes this defense. AJ never really had a chance. Tony says he's infected AJ's soul with his genes but it was all about the parenting choices he made

[@Void7.4.14]

He was a great character that I feel gets overlooked cause he's just grating and unlikable despite being one of the most sympathetic when at really think about it. He definitely never stood a chance. He had all the issues of a spoiled upper class kid who never really had to experience the real world or consequences and all the pressure and stress of having a well known mob dad who was also extremely abusive in more ways than one on top of seemingly having some level of depression from a very young age, an anxiety disorder, and possibly even PTSD and who knows what else, within a family that refused to even really acknowledge it til he tried to kill himself. And even then they made it all about them and treated it like he could be cured.

[@redtree8254]

@@Void7.4.14 Yup. I find his depression sympathetic because unlike Meadow he could never really brush off the moral ambiguity of his dad's lifestyle. A particularly poignant scene is the one in the episide where Meadow shows him the mob website of him looking at the photo of his fishing trip with Tony, struggling to reconcile the two. In the later seasons when he rambles about the fakeness of the American Dream and how nobody else sees the downfall of society occurring before their eyes, I thought that far from being a disconnected brat, he seemed to be the only one really clued in to how perverse the situation was from top to bottom. He was right, everyone at that celebration was totally F'ed

[@grandpaslurpurpp6187]

nope you’re wrong. Just face it.

[@TheEnmineer]

@@grandpaslurpurpp6187 Elaborate how he is wrong?

[@grandpaslurpurpp6187]

@@TheEnmineer Just felt like he’s wrong. Probably is.

[@rickyandreou]

Fans hate characters like Janice & Richie Aprile because they're just awful human beings through & through, while many fans hate AJ for the same reason Tony harbors resentment towards AJ. It's because AJ reflects the negative bits that many people subconsciously resent about themselves at that age.

[@kdizzle901]

And he’s just a spoiled brat and has nothing to bring to the show until seasons 5 and 6 lol

[@ryangregoire6599]

Maybe they just didnt like the character. His storylines were always kinda blah. He did try to kill Junior though so there is that.

[@Shredow2]

@@kdizzle901 AJ's point in the show during the early seasons is to show how shitty Tony and Carmella are as parents. The fact that people don't understand that while watching the show goes to show how stupid the average television viewer really is.

[@taylorborie]

Janice is my favorite character

[@erikstorm8935]

@@taylorborie Said no one ever.

[@Boobalopbop]

That “male heir” comment from Tony was the WORST. That was the one time I really felt bad for AJ.

[@woke2646]

Attacks AJ for eating too much when all tony buys is garbage

[@splinter360]

One of the harshest thing I father can say....but he was right. Even if he and Carmella's parenting was the cause. Which it was.

[@phoqueme]

I laughed at that scene many times haha always gets to me, but yeah it's tough

[@JOEL00111]

@@splinter360 This life isn't for *itches!

[@prod7906]

I thought that was based, if your son's a failure, call em out on it. It's his duty as your son to do right by you, end of story.

[@newphilmz3605]

AJ was one of my favorite characters. He was stuck in an awkward position where he was pressured to not follow his dad's footsteps of being a tough guy, but was belittled at every chance for not being a tough guy. He was compared to his mobster dad and overachieving sister so much, that he had no time defining who he wanted to be himself. Every idea he had, like running clubs, was shot down immediately. Tony hit him, insulted him, and even told Melfi he hates his own son and would have knocked out all his baby teeth if it was up to him. You can't blame AJ for being lazy when no real guidance was ever given to him. His parents just bought him stuff and left him alone in his room. Even with his upbringing surrounded by mobsters like Tony, AJ never became fully involved, so really he did a better job than Tony growing up in society. I think AJ represented what Tony would be like growing up in the late 90s early 2000s.

[@BasePuma4007]

Yeah it was really hard to watch. On top of what you mentioned, both Carmella and Tony shot down his idea of joining the Army, which he wanted to do to build confidence and discipline, and to make a positive difference in the world as he saw it. They wanted to send him to a hard nosed military school when he was too young and unprepared (after they had blindly spoiled him for years) then when he was old enough and tough enough to join the military, his pig headed vein parents shot it down. The kid had zero guidance and was left feeling desperate and angry. It was also sad by season 6 seeing how he wasn't a total monster like his father, he actually had a heart and Tony constantly made him feel bad for being a normal good natured person by mocking him and embarrassing him.

[@BookshelfQBattler]

There's a lot of sad irony in here. Tony is a rotten, miserable degenerate crook, murderer and criminal. He thinks of himself as strong for being able to do these horrible things and resents his son for being weak for never being able to do such things. Yet deep down, Tony knows if AJ ever actually did such things, he'd be sad to see AJ become a criminal. He even admits this when AJ tries to kill Junior, that he despises AJ's weakness yet would also hate it if AJ turned to a life of crime.

[@thrillergirl021]

I don't understand why people hate AJ. I think he is one of the most realistic teenage boy portrayed in any tv show. He's so real. I know kids just like AJ, who grew up and had everything they ever wanted, yet still couldn't find happiness. I love AJ!

[@v_enceremos]

those are called losers

[@Albert-xw3nk]

@@v_enceremos exactly!

[@doctor_death4239]

Because he is a real that is why

[@Rekon-se6wv]

@@v_enceremos Can confirm. I m one of them

[@Eggy79]

What do you mean you don't understand it? He has the world at his fingertips and could accomplish anything. Instead, he's a lazy piece of shit who tries to get out of trouble with lame excuses. And realistic teenage boy? So what if there are really teens like this or even a lot of them? They're piece of shit losers too lol.

[@blackfox4138]

I also find that a lot of hate towards AJ more likely comes from the fact that more people see themselves in AJ than they want to. Unlike Tony, whom we can see achieve catharsis through his wild criminal activities, AJ just wallows in his privileged lifestyle. Something that I'm sure more than a few people can relate to to an uncomfortable degree.

[@sandersgeorges]

Bro I was literally watching the show and it got to a point where aj was in his twenties sitting on the computer laughing at shit and I'm just like oh my God I'm fucking AJ aren't I

[@chemicalburn]

My dislike of AJ is that regardless of the story, his scenes are awkward and often painful to watch. There are villains I love to hate (Richie Aprille, Phil leotardo) and villains that I hate to hate (AJ, and to a lessor extent Janice)

[@Shredow2]

@@chemicalburn You think AJ is a villain. Holy shit how dumb can you be? Lmao.

[@milesmayhem5440]

Very deep.

[@erikstorm8935]

@@chemicalburn Hey now, if you spent 20 years in the can and were forced to eat grilled cheese off the radiator..youd be a villain, too! All kidding aside, I do agree he's a villain I love to hate!

[@obliviondoctor3857]

people will defend serial killers over a guy who wanted to do good, but had no idea how to do it. Hey, even his sister was corrupted by it in the end.

[@faysuxxss]

Who defends serial killers…

[@alextheabysskiller7209]

@@faysuxxss you be surprised.

[@yannick245]

@@faysuxxss A lot of _"The Sopranos"_ newbies idolize some if the characters that are in fact, by FBI definition, serial killers. Also TV hosts/announcers, that haven't really watched the show, call Tony, or others, _"the man we all love/fell in love with"_ (no, we don't, we love the show, the best of all time). It gets super cringy if it's someone interviewing David Chase. You can actually see, in his reactions, that he doesn't feel comfortable if someone does that.

[@dang2320]

@@faysuxxss Dude, serial killers even have groupies.

[@karku3fan]

@@yannick245 Much like The Joker or Fight club, people often chose to overlook the main subject of the premise, which is a critique of the same toxic characteristics of violence and trauma that a lot of us experienced growing up. On the other hand, most people defending such characteristics are themselves mentally troubled so they find representation on these characters.

[@sammydidds]

I feel so much for AJ. Growing up as a teenage male, you feel the tension of being a man. He acts like the typical teenager stereotype, not caring for others, being spoiled, high amount of angst. But underneath it all, he’s stuck in an existential nightmare of knowing how shit the world is, and knowing his whole family are a bunch of gangsters. The pressure of being better would have been insurmountable. He obviously struggled fitting in with others, and living with such a violent man, he thought that was the only way to be a man himself, which he would never be able to do. All his failures just added to his depression, making his life feel meaningless. One of the most misunderstood characters IMO.

[@thelastjerkbender2505]

That scene towards the end where AJ is trying to process what happened to Silvio and Tony berates him is just heartbreaking. The fact that the fanbase sees that moment as "Tony talking sense into AJ" and not an extremely heartless act on Tony's part says so much about the absolute crayon munching retards the fanbase is full of. Like are you paying any attention at all? Like, the whole point is that after going through all that therapy to ostensibly resolve his own emotional issues, Tony learned nothing.

[@yaytubeable]

I agree COMPLETELY! You hit the nail on the head.

[@bornimusic]

Totally agree

[@smellsuperb1]

@@thelastjerkbender2505 I don't disagree with you, I just want to say that in that life-threatening instance, Tony didn't need AJ to overthink or sink into depression. He needed him to be thinking of survival. As f*cked up as Tony was, there was no other recourse at that time.

[@Johnnysmithy24]

He is very tragic and very well written. I always sympathized with him. I also see a lot of myself in him sadly. My family was very similar to The Soprano family, except for the money aspect

[@yaytubeable]

I think AJ was treated so badly within his family because he was a sensitive kind soul, he got his sensitivity from his Dad but it was beaten out of Tony and made him a sociopath. I remember watching the show wishing I could be AJ’s friend. I understood his pain in the suicide scene.

[@juliawidmaier5334]

AJ, the way he's written, makes me wanna give him a big hug and take him out of NJ so he can be himself without all that bs. He struggles with finding meaning, wondering what morality even is and how to live a moral life, and what to do if education doesn't work for you. Also, having parents that fight all the time and a dad who's so volatile and violent is so damaging to kids.

[@dantederi5062]

I completely agree, and I can see how his nature made him lonely because he could never fit in. He's not "tough" enough to be in the mafia, he's not "innocent" enough to be a regular person, he's not "smart" enough to be recognized by the academic world, not "athletic" enough to be recognized by the sports world. It's honestly heartbreaking to see him go through life thinking he was never enough.

[@Jayar_]

I honestly think AJ is a good depiction of what a large percentage of young men face in modern times. A lack of meaning and purpose, people have distain for you for seemingly no reason. Male suicide is a tragedy rarely addresses and sometimes mocked. Young men are practically castrated from a young age in this rotten feminist culture of ours but still are demanded to be traditional men even though they weren’t given the tools to become that traditional man. All of this on top of his family upbringing,

[@franciaaguilar1568]

Literally same he´s soooooo sensitive is crazy how i see myself in him. Such a well character!!!

[@jbeast3385]

AJ probably has the strongest opportunity of leaving behind the Mafia lifestyle of anyone in the series. His arc in the last seasons really showcases that his depression seems to be a direct result of subconsciously knowing that 1) he can’t enjoy a lifestyle built on suffering and 2) he has trouble doing even tangentially organized criminal activities. Him and Meadow’s relationships with fellow Mafia princes showcases this. Meadow is ready to marry someone she barely knows and get involved in the lifestyle despite all her public handwringing. AJ going on stag parties with his family friends lifts his spirits, but the experience with them torturing other people over gambling debts or stealing bikes troubles him immensely to the point of overriding the pleasure he gets from experiences. In any case, AJ is basically doomed to leech on a family business of suffering that will harm him like it did Tony, or he could break off from it way more cleanly than Meadow because he’s clearly not meant for that lifestyle. He seems way more like a Carmine Jr than a Jackie Jr. at this point.

[@Hikki79710]

Unironically a good thing carmine jr is savant.

[@WellBasicallyClub]

I thought Meadow and AJ had a very similar arc and outcome. Both of them reach a point at which their inner conflict about the "evil" their family's lifestyle is rooted in comes to a climax: Meadow at Jackie Jr's funeral when there is a lighthearted atmosphere despite the murder and her strong suspicion that it wasn't random drug dealers who killed him, and AJ when he hangs out with those college kids and they beat up the black guy over something trivial. Both of them try to "make up for it" by doing good deeds or fighting injustice elsewhere. Meadow actually puts this into action by working for that non-profit, while AJ doesn't make it past talking about how he disagrees with war and so on, but the thought behind it is the same. And in both cases, they then gradually make their peace with their family's Mafia background by means of some nonsensical convoluted rationalization, exemplified by Meadow waffling about "modes of conflict resolution from all the way back in the old country, from the poverty of the Mezzogiorno, where all higher authority was corrupt" (lmao) which leads to her wanting to become a lawyer defending "Italian-Americans" (but really, the mob), and AJ going fully off the rails at the end when his newfound optimism has him planning to join the army, become Trump's personal pilot, and join the CIA to solve the Middle East (lmfao), only to end up working for a mafia-associated film studio. And that's also my only complaint about their storylines, that if you squint hard enough, it's the exact same thing twice. But I guess that's one way to drive home the point.

[@dominod5640]

​@@WellBasicallyClub I think Meadow's story is that she's smart enough to find ways to delude herself and make her gangster adjacent future still seem ethical, sort of like Carmela. AJ is kind of a dullard and can't find ways to cope with what's happening, it just eats at him until he's either totally inactive or has to find ways to escape it That's kind of what I get out of them. Meadow is intelligent but that doesn't mean she uses that skill to arrive at good ethics. AJ is sort of hapless and pathetic but still one of the more moral people in the show I think this point is driven home in the scenes where Meadow successfully manipulates her parents, meanwhile AJ always seems dopey and obvious when he tries to come up with excuses. AJ doesn't have the shrewdness to come up with complex justifications to deceive himself the way Meadow can

[@asianfidance2224]

I think that's why the writers ended up making him work for Little Carmine in the end, to basically show us that AJ will follow his path in the end.

[@xjcrossx]

One of my favorite scenes is where AJ doesn't know what the gutters are. Tony and Carmela are shocked, but it really shows how they failed him as parents. You don't learn hard work, or what gutters are, through school. It's up to your parents, mainly a father figure to teach you that.

[@ThinWhite_Duke]

I grew up with my dad and he was very withdrawn, never talked about much let alone actually try and teach me something. When I grew up to be a clueless adult he blamed me for every basic mistake I made - well that's what happens when kids effectively raise themselves

[@splinter360]

Exactly. They spoiled and pampered their kids ridiculously from the start then acted surprised when the same kids didn't know simple things like what gutters are, gave backchat and constantly asked for things with an entitlement.

[@sals4767]

I saw a comment on another video once (which I agree with) that this must've happened in real life with one of the writers, since it is something you wouldn't think about but believable that a privileged kid has no idea what a gutter is lol

[@TheodoreBotman]

My favourite was the AJ asking Tony to play a video game with him and his dad insults him and tells him to grow up, and you remember in the season before they played a game together and it was one of their genuine moments and all AJ actually wanted was to spend some time with his dad and he got told to Fuck off.

[@Chilliam13]

My father taught me more when he was drinking than he taught me after he quit. Once he became clean and sober, he started answering my questions with "YOU DUMB SHIT!!!"

[@nathans.7703]

One part of AJ's character that I think gets overlooked is he is probably the only person who actually seems to have any sense of introspection. He was right when he said "you people live in a fucking dream", nobody even wants to listen to him because they've got their own excuses for why taking mafia blood money is fine, the only person who seems to have any emotional response is Meadow, who had her own sense of justice (hence the lawyer internship and criticising Tony for his line of work in the earlier seasons), but decided she'd rather suppress those feelings, because she'd rather just enjoy the taste of the expensive champagne than actually think about where it came from.

[@RatafakTehPlachta]

like his father, he was capable of seeing the deeper nuances of the world and actually capable of empathy. and like his father, these traits were thwarted by the world he grew up in, albeit different. he didnt see tony cut anybodys pinky off, but he did see him destroy shit around the house and heard him and carmela screaming at each other like deranged chimps. he was automatically presumed to be "fine" by all his "uncles" and his parents were completely oblivious to his mental anguish. yeah kid has depression, cant handle a breakup, cant function in this world, lets send him to military school, lets yell at him that hes useless over and over, ... he simply grew up with a different kind of violence. he had a sensitive soul and it was ground down to nothing, which was expertly demonstrated in the scene where he poured the acid over toenails of some poor guy, i dont specifically remember the circumstances. meadow inherited more traits from her mother - the ability to push things out and lie to herself about being a good person under any circumstances. tony wanted to think that meadow was more like him, but she was just another loyal carmella

[@fatterperdurabo42069]

Meadow decides to swallow any real critical thought about her family and culture not because of her desire to enjoy fine things in life - she remains willing to endure poor conditions well after that. She turns away from being critical of the mafia culture when Jackie Jr. is killed and she finds that she is not strong enough to deal with the reality of it - that her father and family and culture are ultimately responsible, and instead chooses to gloss that completely in her mind and defend her family instead.

[@pokeman5000]

Yep my main beef with the series was Meadow and Carmella NEVER getting their just desserts. I always felt that AJ suffered and the only way he would ever find some form of happiness is if he left all of it behind. Meadow and Carmella took Toney"s blood money with big smiles on their faces and took full advantage of his connections/violence. Both knowing full well where it comes from and how it was obtained. Toney, Carmella, and Meadow were rancid human beings and the reason people hate AJ are the same reason people hate Skyler in breaking bad. They mostly serve as an anchor to reality and people are watching to see horrible people do horrible things so they can live vicariously through it.

[@RatafakTehPlachta]

@@pokeman5000 yup.. combine it with some unlikable traits - such as typical teenage shit from aj which most people go through - and you got a punching bag for the viewers. i think the show can be viewed through so many lenses and that makes it brilliant. there are people who think that carmela was a great person and amazing woman for fucks sake

[@blankeon6613]

@@pokeman5000 True. David Chase himself has said that out of all the characters in the show, Carmella is definitely going to hell for all her hypocrisy.

[@MrSinthan]

The fact that people didn't get A.J still surprises me to this day, and really says a lot about the Sopranos fandom.

[@splinter360]

You can get a character and still dislike them. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

[@Orcawhale1]

@@splinter360 Not in this case, if you "got" AJ's character then you wouldn't dislike him, but feel sorry for him.

[@splinter360]

@@Orcawhale1 Eh? And who are you exactly to tell ayone how they should feel about the character? "If you dislike him, then you don't get him". How incredibly pretentiouse.

[@Orcawhale1]

@@splinter360 Your contradicting yourself by stating that they arn't mutally exclusive, because in this case they are.

[@mullaoslo]

@@Orcawhale1 no they are not, you can see his point of view and still not like him as a person

[@stuffandthings1155]

My life was very similar to AJ’s. I always felt embarrassed and like I needed to hide things from my parents. They always made me do things I hated, and rejected the things I liked. I hated hockey, they made me do it. I hated crew, they made me do it. I hated wrestling, they made me do it. I liked boxing, and my father took me, but he always disparaged the sport and he always found reasons not to take me. Same with my mother. I went to those god-awful CCD classes when I was a kid, and my parents made me go. Then when I became more religious in my 20s, my parents disparaged it. Against my father‘s advice, I went to a very expensive private undergraduate. But then when I wanted to leave he said I had to stay. To the tune of tens of thousands of dollars for me. I knew I liked language and wanted to be a teacher, but I started training to get into welding. When I realized it wasn’t gonna make me happy, he threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t go forward with it. And then he did something to my loans where I couldn’t defer them or get a repayment plan that is income driven. I could go on, but suffice it to say that after all this I eventually just broke down one day when I was 26. I’m 31 now and finally doing what I like. I work as a teacher in Saudi Arabia. Who would have thought that I would need to move to one of the most politically unfree countries to finally find freedom?

[@mikethemechanic7395]

Sorry about your childhood and teen years. I grew up the same except with the sports. My Dad never spent time with me. I was always showered with gifts and left alone. Private schools. Any ideas or begs to play with my dad. “ I am too busy” “ Or you will slow me down” my parents would only hang out with adults. We would have babysitters and they would go to nice restaurants or parties. At 38 I had a breakdown over it. Told my dad everything I was mad at him for. His excuse was. He grew up poor and had a dad who would get drunk and hit him. He made sure when he had kids. He would provide well. I told him. Sure. But you never spent time with me and always was negative towards me. When I had kids I made sure I let them do what they want. I spent time with them. I never am negative with them. I had no direction for years because of my upbringing.

[@stuffandthings1155]

@@mikethemechanic7395 life gets better

[@karlhans8304]

What do you teach in Saudi Arabia?

[@stuffandthings1155]

@@karlhans8304 English

[@joshuabowens7106]

How'd you get over it? Being down and feeling that way throughout your 20's?

[@robertgaumont5446]

There is a moment where Tony tells AJ what he really thinks of him and it’s right after he picked him up at the police station after AJ dropped the knife, while confronting junior. Tony tells him violence isn’t in his nature and that’s he “appreciative” he doesn’t have it in him. If you understand how much being a murderer gnaws in Tony from the beginning of the series until the end, you realize that’s huge. Whatever else AJ is, Tony wouldn’t trade it to risk him becoming a murderer.

[@GigaChadh976]

Tony loves AJ. But he hates what he sees in himself about AJ

[@jakebeninato9938]

AJ reminded me a lot of Christopher: They’re both put-down by others, they both seek Tony’s admiration and affection despite his toxic behaviors. You see AJ drinking a lot; maybe he drank to numb his feelings, somewhat like Christopher. And despite all of Chrissy’s misdeeds, he never really wanted to be a gangster: he wanted to be a filmmaker. But he wasn’t succeeding in that and needed an identity, so gangster is what he picked and gangster is what he got. AJ had a bit of a similar identity crisis in S6.

[@Argos-xb8ek]

Well you gotta remember too Tony was gonna use Christopher as his endgame a pawn he could use to insulate himself.

[@andrewprofitt6898]

AJ probably gets into 'the life' after Tony is murdered.

[@yannick245]

AJ drinking a lot? He partied a little in one season. Where he was also doing a little party drugs. Which is totally normal at this age. But he never drowned his feelings with substances. He rather did the opposite and reveled himself in emotions.

[@erikstorm8935]

He may have wanted to leave the Mafia life, but he never wanted to let go of that gangster mentality. Just look at how he dealt with that musician who was giving him some lip. Total gangster response. And, had he lived and left the Mafia for good, he'd still be involved in criminal life somehow, someway. Even if it was extorting studio heads or being a loan shark to musicians. Maybe dealing a little something something on the side. Plenty of musicians and actors who'd buy it, too.

[@WJWeber]

@@yannick245 seriously. Nothing like a drinking problem at all hahaha.

[@Crunchy_Troll]

That scene with AJ and Livia really ruined him And I always said that Livia is the villain of the series just by her presence really had a impact to the characters in the show even after death

[@sean5558]

Livia was something else, she even came back to haunt Tony in his dream as a spooky silhouette ghost on the staircase

[@Wani-Wanders]

@@sean5558 i just saw that scene literally this morning 🤣🤣🤣🤣 thought it was her🤣

[@fort809]

Livia was actually supposed to play a much larger role in the series, but the actress died before her plot could finish so they had to invent new conflicts later

[@IvorMektin1701]

Livia is a name of historical significance.

[@clawzx1195]

@@fort809 ironically enough she was apparently really uplifting to everyone on set and was generally revered especially with James, which was cool too because he accordingly didnt like his own performance and would hit himself and shit

[@keveardo]

AJ is such an underrated character, he is a victim of his environment, seeing his father and his outbursts and self loathing, he is exactly what Tony is deep inside, and through what he experienced is what makes him the vulnerable and depressed boy that you see in the show, some might see his tirades and actions as pathetic and annoying but that is exactly what Tony is deep inside, just that Tony hides it under his tough guy persona, The moment when AJ stopped being the happy go lucky boy was when he found out who his father really was in the criminal world after seeing the Mafia Website and seeing his father with his criminal associates at the funeral, that is when his eyes were opened to the hypocrisy and evilness is the world, his innocence left him after that and that’s when he started to act out in ways similar to Tony

[@Chief_Brody]

AJ was a moron

[@menherafflesia]

so a narcissist vs dark empath situation basically. i noticed how much tony hates him for acting like a loser, as if he wasnt the exact same as he was as a child; overshadowed, a victim of "affluent neglect", and a result of the parents failure to, well, be parents. i feel like tony HATES that AJ is a mirror of him of some sort.

[@BlankEmporium]

I like to believe after Tony's death AJ did what Christopher could only dream of. Producing a massively successful film that, in a sense, exposed the vileness and filthy of Tony Soprano. I also like to imagine Camilla, Meadow, and Paulie (plus any of the old crew still kicking) watched and inherently understood AJ would be more successful, loved, and famous than all of them combined. He is, after all, the only character on the show truly understand who all those around him truly are at their core. Parasites.

[@Yabio362]

I damn near cried seeing A.J attempting suicide. It struck a deep feeling we all got once.

[@elPedroL.Galera]

And there's people who dismiss his character by stating: "wow, AJ is so worthless that he couldn't even achive to k@ll himself". I can't understand why people are rooting for characters without morality, but hate so hard on characters who never did something as horrible as the first group of characters.

[@naturalcanopy9148]

Thank you for this. I’ve said it until I’m blue in the face. The people who label him purely as a spoiled and irritating douchebag completely and utterly miss the point. Yes, he is. But his character has one of the best arcs in the whole thing. The product of having unimaginable material riches and complete neglect of solid and consistent parenting, backed up by the fact his Dad is the ULTIMATE alpha male, and a hypocritical and evil human being. He’s a gentle soul at heart, physically skinny and small and in the shadow of his high achieving sister. He never really had a chance, and that’s the genius. You should root for him, but Tony’s massive presence makes you side with him. Robert Iler was magnificent throughout. His facial expressions, huffy body language and smart remarks.

[@Lady_Boo]

Yes, Robert Iler did a great job in the role.

[@Handgun777]

Tony embodied his Mother’s overwhelming presence, described by some as a gaping black void that swallows everything around him. Nobody was safe, specially AJ.

[@mixkid3362]

​@@Handgun777 Tony is a black hole sucking in everything. Nothing can escape his event horizon.

[@Verendus0]

One thing that struck me about Tony's relationship with AJ is that when it came to punishment he would almost treat AJ like a member of the mob. In the mob, if you have a dispute, you can't involve the police, you have to deal with it in-house. Whenever AJ got in trouble at school or with the law, Tony would always step in to get AJ off the hook for whatever official punishment he'd be facing - often going over Carm's head - and promise to punish AJ himself. But then he never would, he'd just give him a (sometimes literal) slap on the wrist.

[@flightofthebumblebee9529]

AJ was like a wet fart. Annoying and useless and gross and weak

[@MutteringCondolences]

@@flightofthebumblebee9529 He was also a child being raised by a narcissist and intentionally oblivious mother and a violent, sociopathic father.

[@erikstorm8935]

@@flightofthebumblebee9529 Hey now, wet farts may be annoying, gross and weak but they are hardly useless! They are a necessary function of the human body.

[@toddpick8007]

Most parents would try and do that with their kids.

[@darlingfascistbullyboy]

@@MutteringCondolences don't forget the word hypocrite when you talk about Carmela. You are talking about a woman who preaches nonsense, yet tried to have an affair with a priest. A painter, sure. But a priest? Da fuck outta here.

[@samenders1074]

His dad didn't care, his mom was a helicopter parent, and his life was made so easy that he never felt the motivation to better himself and figure out who his identity. This is literally the perfect recipe for creating a depressive adolescent.

[@jovito8163]

I always found Meadow more manipulative, narcissistic, and self absorbed. AJ was growing into enlightenment, it was not a pretty road, but his growth was leading away from Tony’s choices. Despite his similarity to Tony, his is aware he has a responsibility to the world and society instead of Meadow who is growing inward with self importance and “family values”. By the end of the series AJ has a chance at a decent life, Meadow is lost to the mob illusions.

[@Dhips.]

I think she didn't want to face the truth and lied to herself long enough to buy her own bullshit. I think Jackie Jr's death was the catalyst for it too.

[@michaelross1452]

Meadow was lost? She was working in a law firm. Granted she was going to marry into the mob via the persi kid but that kid was in law too And quite successful. But she saw her dad murdered so i doubt she would feel great about any corruption that helped mob people. She was more focused on immigrants rights and unfair treatment of people due to ethnic or religious backgrounds. Aj, on the other hand was primed to be a wise guy Beat up a black kid Helped his buddies deform a kid who skipped a vig. Was willing to kill Corrado Wanted to join the army and go to war(he would be just like dickie Moltisanti) He was for all intents Tony jr. Enjoyed bringing pain to others Wanted his misery to be shared He was a socio path already like his dad. Tony started out the exact same way. Meadow was very capable of redeeming herself and was doing it by the end. Traditionally in THAT life guys dont want their kids in law enforcement nor the criminal justice system Tony expressed this to her on why not be a pediatrician instead help kids. His disdain for law showing. But by the end he accepted it. What he didn't like was her being with one of his capos sons. It brought her closer to his world. Something he did not want for either of his kids. His life.

[@Aivottaja]

You're not entirely wrong. Meadow turns into a mafia princess by the end. Carmela with a law degree.

[@krypticunlimited6925]

@@michaelross1452 i think its an outward/inward type thing. AJ may have exhibited bad behavior, but deep down its pretty clear that he has a much different sense about himself, the world, and morality than his father. He may be dense in his actions, but beneath the surface he definately has compassion and room to grow. Meadow is the opposite. On the outside she's beautiful, well spoken and educated. But beneath that she's pretty rotten and narcissistic, more wrapped up with her own well being and success above anyone elses

[@carloandresl]

As a 21 year-old teenager transitioning into adulthood, AJ is the character I could relate to the most in the show. His struggles are things I’ve had to struggle myself with… or am still struggling with. Really loved his character.

[@gunmuratilban8667]

I've never seen AJ as a frustrating character. Both Tony and Carmela were terrible parents, always trying to pull AJ to different directions, never allowing him to have a life of his own. He had a very similar character to Tony but without the street skills and toughness. I think Tony's relationship with AJ was one of the strong storylines of the series, especially in the later seasons.

[@j-rey-]

I'm so glad you made this. I find myself defending AJ all the time. He showed signs of learning during the "God is dead" Nietzsche episode, but then Tony and Carmela just shouted at him, brought up Adam and Eve and the threat of throwing him out a window. Then something similar happened with the Christopher Columbus episode when he is reading to them from his textbook about what a awful person Columbus was. They just disregard him and tell him to shut up. They shut down any kind of independent or nuanced thinking AJ has. His dysfunction is almost all on Tony and Carmela. (Unrelated, I recently realized that I own the EXACT leather jacket that AJ wears in the finale... Armani Exchange... not as nice as Rocco DiMeo's jacket, but still)

[@AgentRafa]

Hahahaha the Jackeeet!!!! You made some very valid points about AJ that I agree with.

[@jpmnky]

Never thought of it like that. Good insight.

[@wolfstealth782]

I remember once Tony attempted to comfort an upset Meadow re: her declining relationship w Finn & during the embrace Tony mentions " well when you're living in sin" LOL something he shares w a Catholic priest @ Confession I'm sure, geez🤣

[@yannick245]

_"In this shinebox, Christophah Columbus is a hero, end of the story!"_ _"Even if God is dead, you still gonna kiss his radiator!"_

[@AsaBranca666]

You're right about AJ. The only thing I don't sympathize (and relate, being honest) to him is when he is being too much of a jerk to Carm, I get it, she is annoyingly conservative and all, but sometimes AJ is too much.

[@MrRyan-wu4jx]

I’ve always felt AJ was the most interesting character to dissect and definitely the best character to base any potential sequel around.

[@rudyray4833]

That’s genuinely hilarious 😂

[@CursedLemon]

Don't care what anyone says, this is one of the strongest acting performances in the whole show. I literally cannot think of a better example of someone playing a realistically spoiled, oblivious teenager.

[@tomiecacique]

The scene after he gets arrested for trying to kill Junior solidified his acting for me. Great scene

[@chairmankim9628]

Yes, Iler was a good actor in this show. Played a very convincing imbecile.

[@vincer7824]

Helps when you are indeed a spoiled teenager.

[@iamthedanger9602]

I never hated aj. The episode when he discovers tony is in the mafia and he looks at him in a different light at the end with that mazzy star music is heart breaking. The very next episode starts with him acting up. That decline never ended in the whole show. Is literal lifetime of hell before our eyes, going deeper and deeper and never really healing. And we as audience just like to make fun and belittle him.

[@jonsweeney4347]

AJ's lack of competancy despite being a reflection of tony (he is literally tony jr) is emblematic of one of the larger themes of the show, that being the generational breakdown of the american dream, as shown by the mafia - all of Tony's father's generation are consummate professionals (or at least as close as you're going to get), but they're also all dying out. Tony's generation is filled with sell outs (how many of his captains were informing again? Most of them, I know that much), and the generation after Tony are completely useless and end up dead, Im pretty sure without exception.

[@ShaolinShadowStroke]

It's like what Sir John Glubb wrote about the Decline of Empires. Or, like a wise man once told me, strong men bring good times, good times create weak men, weak men bring bad times, bad times create strong men, and the cycle continues.

[@mvfc7637]

Lack of competency is the best description for him.

[@gobblelevclass3nuclearsubm393]

@@mvfc7637 what about the rest of the mafia guys ?? non of them are accomplished in anything contirbute nothing to society actually cause damage to society/kill people and are unlikeable creatures hoiw are they any better ?

[@mvfc7637]

@@gobblelevclass3nuclearsubm393 competency has nothing to do with virtue.

[@hamsters7760]

I tend to think it's more illustrating the fallacy of blaming generational breakdown, which has been a goto since the Ancient Greeks... Johnny Boy is almost always shown inferior to Tony's estimation. Then there's Junior. Or the elderly mafioso in Italy vs the young woman...

[@borginburkes1819]

AJ literally represents 99% of western middle class males. He gets hate cuz everyone sees themselves in him. I was literally exactly like him in my teen years.

[@flightofthebumblebee9529]

Speak for yourself dweeb. LoL. I was nothing like AJ. I was alot more like the 2 Jasons except I was not stupid.

[@borginburkes1819]

@@flightofthebumblebee9529 if you were a smart resourceful kid good for you. Average guy isn’t like that sadly

[@pp-bb6jj]

No he is not. He is a spoiled brat and a p*ssy. I don't see myself in him.

[@mikeoxlong567]

@@flightofthebumblebee9529 calling people dweeb on the internet just shows everyone how much of a loser you are irl

[@AlejandroCastilloRapper]

@@flightofthebumblebee9529 damn he really made you look like an idiot

[@nicogutierrez1038]

Bro I never understood the AJ hate. He’s a blatant foil to his fathers character in every aspect; save for the facade of mob boss that Tony is blessed to have that overshadows all his insecurities. Without this safety blanket per say he’d be a little baby just as his son. I mean the theme of his “putrid genes” being passed on has been reoccurring and relevant throughout the whole series

[@g4merboie789]

How can you hate AJ? He is just a kid. How is he supposed to deal with that family? Its a miracle how well meadow turns out.

[@PatrickPierceBateman]

Why do they seem like polar opposites? That's easy. Their mothers. Carmella coddled AJ with unconditional love. Livia emotionally abused Tony and turned him into a hardened sociopath.

[@faisalkamal4319]

Let's see Paul Allen comment

[@fizzysh4rk]

it’s so tragic that both he and meadow show signs of independent and compassionate thought, but neither of them escape the orbit of the toxic culture of their family.

[@chaosofthegalaxy3094]

As someone about to be diagnosed with ADHD, I definitely have a lot more empathy for AJ than most. Where others view him as lazy or spoiled, I can see the depression and lack of focus making him unable to achieve things. It becomes a never ending cycle with ADHD. You fail and get criticised for it, become labelled as lazy or stupid over and over until it becomes so internalised it’s taken as fact, killing all motivation to actually put effort into things that, with your lack of focus, is already a massive ask.

[@muhammadibnmusaal-chorezmi7240]

All it takes just a pill a day to solve the problem

[@piggosalternateaccount4917]

Same here, absolutely fucking gasping for some amphetamine

[@brix1094fuckhandles]

@@muhammadibnmusaal-chorezmi7240 lol my.homie was on addy since she was 9-18 and he's the biggest idiot I've ever meet I love him, but him constantly taking addy everyday for his ADHD, just made him way way way dumber.

[@vanillabatcave5677]

@@brix1094fuckhandles lmao, that's cold

[@Guyote_]

@@brix1094fuckhandles That anecdotal experience doesn't make it so for the thousands who take it daily to function. I've been on it for years, and it has thoroughly changed my life from before. Same with my girlfriend, who has been on it since she was young, and is one of the most thoughtful and intelligent people (emotionally and intellectually) I've met. The medicine doesn't make one smart or dumb, but it does help people function in their daily lives.

[@Ludendorf01]

He was written absolutely perfectly. I still have trouble watching him because of how close he hits to home. He's a smart, anxious spoiled kid with a hyper aggressive father. I even joined the military too, haha :)

[@stevenoverlord]

Was aj smart? Lol

[@Ludendorf01]

@@stevenoverlord I think that's part of his tragedy. I think all his "dumb" things could be attributed to being an adolescent. He even showed a fairly perceptive and empathetic side but it always got crushed by Tony/life.

[@TailorK9]

I wouldn't give him the smart part. That's my biggest disappointment with what you said. Not even close to being smart. Quite stupid frankly.

[@Ludendorf01]

@@TailorK9 Different kinds of smart. Being empathetic and emotionally intelligent is a kind of smart. I think he had those qualities. Definitely not the makings of a varsity academic though.

[@40nights40daystv]

@@stevenoverlordaj is probably the most emotionally intelligent character in the series besides the therapists.

[@Riccardo-wp5fv]

Everybody judging A.J. (both in the show and the fandom) is the reason A.J. is the way he is. Everybody putting unrealistic expectation on him. They want him to be strong and respected, but they don't want him to be aggressive or prone to anger like Tony. They want him to make success and money, but they don't want him to cheat or be a criminal. They want him to be engaged with a girl, but people like Carmela criticizes Tony for having relationtiships with other woman. Fact is, that A.J. is probably the most moral person in his eviroment; he understands right away how sad and hard the world he lives in can be, and despite that he doesn't feel the need to hurt the others (probably thanks to Carmela). So he struggles a lot trying to understand how can he make it into the world while he lives in a family that lives on committing murdes, making extortions and all kind of crimes immaginable.

[@Eldron2027]

Never hated AJ Cuz his parents literally made him to be the way he is

[@gm3353]

i have to tell my fellow fans that hate AJ that he is essentially cut from the same cloth as his dad, this is a great video which illustrates that, well researched well produced as always, Kino. I would be interested in a sequel series and how he turns his depressive spoiled dysfunctional childhood into adulthood. you never really know how people will turn out, would make a great show.

[@benjibenj7406]

Lolbertarian

[@YouTubeDeletedYourComment]

Let's go Brandon!!!!!

[@capassoman]

This Kino is more creative than Spielberg!

[@AgentRafa]

Kino is like Gary fucking Cooper.

[@pitajstaru4624]

@@AgentRafa He was gay, Gary Cooper?

[@victorsforza5578]

@@pitajstaru4624 AIDS?? HEHEHE

[@sdmarciano19]

@@pitajstaru4624 Noooooooooooo!

[@pemauck]

@@victorsforza5578 Nobody's got AIDS!

[@cavemanzach9475]

THANK YOU. I really don’t like when people hate on AJ. What chance did he have. AJ was also raised with a lot more money than Tony was. That enabled him to live a different life than Tony, which made him grow up differently

[@yannick245]

I'm not a native English speaker, nor have I ever been to an English speaking country. But even I was astonished, when AJ said that he didn't know what _"gutters"_ are. I mean how small can one's vocabulary/general knowledge be? I had the same shocker reaction too. I mean if he said that he probably needs a short introduction, that would be silly too but not nearly as absurd!.

[@kevinlittrell3407]

Being a pretty sheltered and spoiled kid growing up, I can kind of relate to A.J.. I also used the fucked up state of the world (social issues and global affairs) to excuse my childish behavior that persisted even into my 20s. I understand why depression for someone like AJ is hard to feel sorry for, but it is still real.

[@kristent1962]

I would argue that AJ is one of the most relatable characters, particularly during the last few episodes. He’s grappling with 21st century nihilism, growing into a young adult with serious depression issues, and unhealthy family dynamics (obviously, his father is tony fucking soprano).

[@egoborder3203]

I love AJ! Robert Iler deserves a lot of credit for taking on this character and going 100%

[@SamFugarino]

Carmela helped write or maybe even wrote the Billy Bud paper. That's why she reacted the way she did.

[@crabbins2341]

I’ve always said that AJ is easily the most underrated character on The Sopranos, and this video mirrors how I feel about him perfectly. Excellent work!

[@ChairmanMeow1]

I'll give credit to him for one thing, he's really the only person that had remorse about the morality of his fathers work and friends. Even Meadow was more concerned with how it just affected her own life. Still though, I think the character was written to be an opposite of Tony in a lot of ways....never had a chance.

[@newphilmz3605]

You say opposite but they're exactly the same. Aj is Tony in a time where being a mobster isn't cool anymore. Even Tony regrets joining the mob and wishes he was a sports coach. AJ is like another chance. They have the same problems just dealt with it different. AJ is really just like Tony caught in the pull of good and bad, but for Tony its too late. AJ is the only one who really does have a chance in life. Meadow is going to marry into another mobster family, and become another Carmella.

[@Mindmartyr]

"Tony externalizes his depression through rage" is the most eloquent way of putting it. Very Melfi of you.

[@andrewvelonis5940]

1:24 "....prefers to spend his time skateboarding" ? Did we ever see AJ on a skateboard? He does not look to have the physique for that activity. Put another way, AJ never had the makings of a varsity skateboarder.

[@RedBricksTraffic]

This might be my favorite video you've done yet, it really helps me empathize with AJ's character in a way I just didn't before. Great analysis!

[@Danni611]

I'm surprised he's one of the most hated characters. Sure I wanted to slap him sometimes but compared to some of the truly despicable characters in this show I didn't mind AJ. I struggled in school and for most of my youth believed I was useless and stupid, so I can relate to him in some ways and how hopeless that can make a person feel. So glad those days are long behind me!😁

[@lnhart7157]

I don't understand AJ being hated at all. He's completely lost - but what exactly does one expect when his parents don't punish him when he does something wrong, but also put him down and don't really take him seriously any time he actually shows some kind of ambition, goal or or plan for his life.

[@KrisBryant99]

It's because AJ doesn't have a sense of self like the other characters in the family. Like they ALL know they're messed up or got their flaws but at the same time, they ACCEPT the absurdity of life while going forward at the same time. AJ hasnt been around ENOUGH people. Especially men in order to see how he's naturally wired. Carmela, Tony and Meadow all have allies or some type of establishment in order for them to be centered. Like I just feel sorry for AJ because you really do want to despise him but his environment messes with his head too much.

[@ryancarona4199]

i always wondered about all the funerals AJ has gone to growing up from a child to an adult. When you think about it , its kind of morbid just seeing death all the time but maybe he grew numb to it as a adolescence but it eventually it all came out during his Depression.

[@OldeSoul]

Well done analysis Sir. This is an unfortunate reality for many youth. Sometimes in providing children with what we didn’t have, we may forget to give em what we did have. In AJs case he didn’t stand a chance. Imagine growing up fatherless with dysfunctional gang troops as your dad.

[@colechapman6976]

What's funny is when people say that AJ should be more like Tony Soprano when they don't realize that he already is like Tony. He's lazy because he sees his father being lazy and taking the easy way out to growing wealth. He's spoiled because Tony is spoiled, constantly gorging on food, buying expensive cars, clothes, etc. He's weak because Tony is fundamentally weak. Tony idealized the strong silent type while he himself is made weak by not confronting his emotional problems and dismissing people when they try to help. All of the self-help with Dr. Melfi was only to help him become an even bigger and better criminal, instead of actually helping him. AJ is exactly like Tony and nobody should want to be like Tony Soprano.

[@colechapman6976]

@Vincent Matthies Tony mentoring anybody is a terrifying proposition. An angry depressive jerkoff who is also lazy and entitled? What type of mentor is that? What AJ really deserved is a father who is normal, not abnormal like Tony. Tony is too quick to dismiss his feelings and too prone to anger to be considered a good mentor. He would've failed AJ again had he mentored him more. AJ would've ended up exactly like Tony and be even more depressed than he already is. I don't think Tony mentoring him more would do him any favors

[@A.S._Trunks]

@Vincent Matthies Lol no it wouldn't. It would make AJ have outbursts of rage. And since he isn't really that bright, he would end up in prison eventually.

[@colechapman6976]

@Vincent Matthies Be more of a man and more headstrong? Tony was the exact opposite of a man or headstrong. Always whining and complaining to his therapist. Complaining about having to work which is just sitting around at his office smoking the whole day. He was a serial cheater and wouldn't be able to go to a 9-5 job and make money legitimately. Making money the easy way, by joining the mafia, is for babies and not a great indicator of the type of man that AJ should aspire to be. He was angry person, a lousy gambler, and a loser. Frankly, AJ deserved Barbra and her husband, not Tony. They would've been much better parents to him since they weren't depressed brutes.

[@colechapman6976]

@Vincent Matthies Also you really want AJ to be like Tony? That is a frightful statement because Tony was a serial killer and at the end of the season has killed or pushed away anyone reasonable in his life through his cheating, lying, and ego. His one friend who he loved like a brother, Christopher, was bullied and pushed around by him so much that he killed him spiritually. He was the cause of Christophers' drug addiction. When he was sober, Tony was never understanding or was at all friendly with him. He was always annoyed by his sobriety and pushed him to use again because god forbid anyone try and improve themselves. Tony hated that because he knows he could never be happy. When AJ was depressed after his girlfriend left him Tony responded with uncaring parenting, and instead of showing compassion as someone who has also experienced depression, he just berates AJ and shouts down at him. When Janice was slowly working through her aggression, going to anger management classes, he despised this attempt at her trying to become stable and had to drag her back down with him. Even though with Janice she was awful too, she was at least trying to improve, unlike Tony who only used his therapy sessions to not improve who he was but to improve his ability and skill as a criminal. He pushed away Carmella with his constant cheating and he pushed her away by not letting her be involved with his finances, which is not what should happen in a healthy marriage. He thought that by buying her Whitecap and the 30 grand ring would make him love her but in reality, he was just a cheater and all that cheating is what ruined their relationship. He also was just constantly angry or uninvolved when they were married. He wasn't the least bit caring or concerned or interested really. Carmella was also in the wrong since she was very very deeply materialistic but Tony had done plenty of wrong in the relationship as well. Throughout the show, he proved himself to just be a malignant bully and had removed all of the meaningful relationships in his life.

[@JB-ue6lf]

I remember the shit storm I caused by showing sympathy for AJ under another Sopranos video years ago. I had so many “Pull yourself up by your boot straps” and “you got soft hands” type of guys all getting angry that I would even suggest looking at things from AJ’s perspective. To them he was nothing more than a lazy, spoiled baby.

[@MikeFrans]

Thank you for this. Upon rewatches AJ comes out as one of the more interesting characters for me. One of the aspects that I don't think you mentioned is how death plays a huge part in his life. He has "uncles" (pussy/Ralphie/Vito/Chris..) who keep disappearing, he's there when Carmela finds out Jackie got murdered, he's there when Tony openly talks about the Russians potentially murdering him in Pine Barrens etc. Great video

[@kellyyork3898]

Every family has a kid like AJ in one way or another. And every family blames that kid, like it’s all their own fault. In reality, these types of kids are just the outward manifestation of the family’s own long time failures and inner issues.

[@Imaginaryspread]

Yes its the parents fault but Aj is old enough to know right from wrong he brings trouble on to himself like being expelled, and then acts cocky and rude and rightfully got the bitched nearly slaped out of him he needed a few more of those honestly and Military school if he didn't have panic attacks like his father.

[@modestomouso1234]

I though AJ was very relatable, and served as a terrific vehicle for showcasing the ennui and existential doldrums that effect a lot of young men/women, especially being from an affluent family. He’s almost a paragon of the millennial generation.

[@IveGotToast]

"Tony is everything we want to be." Speak for yourself.

[@geordiejones5618]

I always thought Artie is what most people want to have a taste of that life while being honest.

[@willleon9165]

He is in many ways what most would wanna be but they couldn't 😂😂

[@emperortgp2424]

​@@geordiejones5618And guess what Artie wants to be

[@professionalpizzaconsumer5419]

More like some traits. -Rich -Respected -Tough

[@JoshMaxPower]

Thanks for this, I find it very insightful. It's hard to play a character that everyone is supposed to hate, especially for such a young actor, and Robert Iler did a fantastic job. What's scary is that Iler is now THIRTY SIX YEARS OLDDDDDD!!!! How much more betrayal can I take???

[@clintzuleger8918]

To be fair, Tony had a lot of advantages as well. He got out of trouble and even got a hand up in the mob when he robbed Feech’s card game because of his Dad.

[@Sizifus]

I think AJ's development can be summarized in a few key points: 1. Regardless of how much Tony loved his son, him and AJ had a wedge between them because he didn't want AJ to learn on how to operate in the mob 2. Tony didn't teach him of legit ways of thriving, not sure if Tony even knew any. That incepted AJ with sense of powerlessness and he became dependent on Sopranos social and financial status to move in life 3. Tony was taught by his father how to use anger and violence in useful ways. AJ was not and turned the anger inwards 4. Undermining is rampant in the family, unlike Lidia, Tony and Carmella a lot of times use it unintentionally. 5. This all led to AJ having low self worth, which bites extra hard when even with all the opportunities he has, he can't succeed

[@XoldnewsX]

This video just gives even more of a deeper understanding of Tony's character. Great analysis

[@Stormtrooper-oc4vn]

AJ hands down the best character. I see it this way...every season he goes thru a different stage we all go thru in life. Like first season he's the innocent child with no output on life. Playing video games and not understanding even when Meadow explains the mafia to him. Well this happens to Aj throughout the show but he goes thru the worst of them. Having a dad who is rich and being a kid that has it all doesn't always pan out. Then in the end it all culminates perfectly in that one scene which I won't spoil. Then I realized why he was like that in every season. For those who are watching it and want to give up on the character...well don't. It's worth it.

[@KidFresh71]

4:03 This is some of the best acting one will ever see. Just look at Gandolfini's eyes, conveying oceans of hurt. Incredible powerhouse of an actor, who is dearly missed.

[@andrewvanhalen1984]

Seeing the kind of parents who raised him and the people who surrounded him his whole life, it's no wonder he turned out the way he did.

[@sebastiangomezlondono5142]

AJ and all that he symbolizes is what makes The Sopranos such a standout, emotionally profound show and not just an everyday, sensationalized action drama. Not liking him is a red flag, he perfectly portrays what someone with Tony's spoiled, neglectful upbringing but with none of the sociopathic tendencies produces.

[@joelopez7459]

It's wild how so many people see rich parents and say he must have had a great childhood.

[@bellebb8673]

AJ's character made me think of the concept of the "sin eater." You can see his personalty begin to unravel when his sister tells him that his father is in the mob, and then again at the funeral when he sees the truth himself. I think of all the characters on the show, he was the least able to seperate himself from and rationalize the reality of that violence. He internalizes, or "eats" that guilt and it poisons him.

[@dewilew2137]

If I remember correctly, Carmela criticized his teacher about the paper, because she knew how hard AJ worked on it. She wasn’t criticizing AJ. In fact, she says she knew how hard he worked on it.

[@gmmclassicepisodecertifier1438]

Tony’s upbringing was cold and his parents practically invited him into the mafia. Those were the 2 things Tony wanted different for his kids: a more loving childhood and opportunity away from the mob. Tony felt he delivered those things for AJ, which is why he resented the fact that AJ was the way that he was. The story this tells us is this: the life of a mob family can never be normal. It breeds pathology. Both Tony and Carmela are unscrupulous people at their core, and the show really captures the ultimate effect it has on their kids. Meadow ends up just like Carmela in the end, which is not what they wanted for her, and Tony and Carmela can never turn AJ around no matter how hard they try. IMO, the show is trying to convey that the Mafia created AJ’s miserable existence, not the Soprano genetics. A mafia upbringing either turns you into a sociopath, or it crushes your soul. Carmela and Tony were sociopaths, and Meadow is close to becoming one by the end of the show as she becomes increasingly drawn to being a mob wife. She is attracted to the life of luxury, power, and being pampered, just like Carmella was, despite the grave moral and ethical cost. For AJ on the other hand, it crushes his soul, and he can hardly stand to live once he is in the know as to the kind of people his parents really are.

[@nirghall2458]

Great job explaining man, though I though I'd hardly ever gonna need an explanation,being a long-time fan. I think the reason I personally overlooked all these "writer's screams" as you called them is because you can't help but take Tony's side of the story,follow him , look at others through his eyes. So,most of the time I would view AJ pretty much like his dad: resenting his lack of motivation,softness and missing all the opportunities. This show never siezes to amaze me even after all these years. Great job,man! And thanks!

[@rogueprince1341]

The AJ character did have awesome taste in music though. Pantera, Slipknot and Mudvayne.

[@GothamKnight84661]

He also listen to awful shitty rap music.

[@spectrumgamer21YT]

I learned he’s also a fan of Nevermore (the band that one of Arch Enemy guitarists was in, Jeff Loomis, not Michael Amott)

[@stevengodoy6896]

The bear literally sat down like how Tony sits while eating breakfast on his kitchen island.

[@lucytits]

I think often about the scene in the first part of season 6 when Carmela unleashes on AJ for talking to the press when Tony is in his coma. When she tells him “you are a cross for everyone to bear” you can almost imagine Livia saying the exact same thing to a young Tony (even down to AJ sporting the signature long hair Tony had as a teenager). Although Carmela immediately regrets this and apologizes to AJ, I think this is a profound moment for him and is part of what drives him to seek out revenge on Junior.

[@theirishasian8291]

Looking at the community after watching I was astonished by how many people hated AJ and couldn’t comprehend the point of his character

[@ChiefKene]

Honestly , the worse character on this show is Tony’s mom. Bro, she single-handedly is the main antagonist in this series even when she dies.

[@Elmo9001]

AJ reminds me of Walt Jr from Breaking Bad. I know so many people who thought that Walt Jr was ungrateful for everything his parents' did, and they considered his scenes boring or padding because he didn't shoot anyone or cook meth, but he kept the show grounded in reality. He was his father's last link to the world of the fully innocent, like AJ. Also there's a huge overlap between people seeing Walt as a cool guy badass and people seeing Tony Soprano as a cool guy badass.

[@ThePurvenator]

Great video, always felt AJ was one of the more sympathetic characters. Along with Ade. But AJ didn’t seem like he had a chance growing up around such toxic people

[@rogueprince1341]

As someone that has BPD, PPD and severe anxiety, it scares me to death to think I may have passed that on to my son.

[@williamrogers9004]

Over-diagnosed BS. Excuses to be and remain a loser. The WW2 generation sucked it up, went to work and provided for their family. Quit whining , we all have issues, i don't need a Dr. To tell me that

[@E.G.M_]

@@williamrogers9004 what the past did is for us to learn and get help from, not follow it by the book. If you got mental issues you have to fix them instead of bottling it up like the WW2 generation did.

[@chromesthesia]

AJ gets that Shinji Ikari hatred. Which is rather unfair because they both have asshole dads

[@VR36030]

Yeah but Shinji still got in the robot and did his duty despite how depressed he was. AJ is in a league of his own regarding weakness and passive self-centered behavior.

[@chromesthesia]

I feel like we need to be more patient with depressed and anxious people. Like folks will say there is a crisis among men when it comes to depression but then they see fictional guys and call them pussies or whatever for showing signs of depression and anxiety which makes it harder for men in real life to get the help they need because they're scared of being called names and being made fun of.

[@VR36030]

@@chromesthesia The point is what gets people out of that rut is by finding a purpose in life. Getting out there. Being coddled just makes them more depressed, establishes a self fulfilling cycle. The past 20 years have seen suicide rates rise at the same time that reassurance has been prioritized more than getting out there and finding a purpose. The consequences can be seen. People need to know they're here for a reason and that requires effort on their part.

[@chromesthesia]

@@VR36030 I think people need go understand that you can go out and have a purpose and still be depressed. Depression can keep people from being able to go out and do things

[@Billiamwoods]

​@@VR36030I always find this line of thinking so stupid, because it's not as if the only thing that's changed in DECADES is a slight adjustment in how mentall illness is perceived. I mean, would you say Tony is a successful and well-adjusted person? He's successful, he's drivem, yet he's miserable and violent. Often, the only difference between someone with "no purpose" and someone like Tony is having one thing go right or one thing go wrong. Like the video points out, AJ and Tony are extremely similar. One of them is just the leader of a mob and the other is that mob leader's beleaguered son.

[@TheMasterQuests]

In defense of AJ his parents were Tony and Carmela end of story.

[@ohcalypso9633]

The kid's father is Tony Soprano. I tend to mostly give him a pass on that basis alone. Even if he remains a depressed underachiever for the rest of his life he'll come out pretty good relative to Tony and his formative wider mob family, who have soul sicknesses that are drastically more malicious. Creature comforts can only go so far when you don't have much of a consistently positive source for personal development.

[@Salman2323Putera]

livia doesn't do much worse tho for AJ

[@TheBasedGreeg]

I really don’t understand why people hate AJ, other than him being a bit annoying sometimes? Though my own story is nearly identical to AJ’s, so he really resonated with me on a personal level more than any other character in the show, so I’m biased.

[@justinhamilton8647]

the people watching this show aren’t the brightest of the bunch

[@davidgreen3001]

It's because he's white. That's literally it. If he were black and acted the same the viewers would find every excuse in the world for AJ.

[@Imhomeinspections]

I always felt sorry for AJ. AJ clearly wanted to be just like his dad, and yet Tony belittled him and punished him everytime he tried to follow in his fathers footsteps.

[@anabolicchicken4115]

Tony is essentially AJ but without inheriting a mafia empire.

[@UrBoiiMunchy]

AJ after Bobbys death and the male heir comment are the two heartbreaking moments for me

[@_zigger_]

All family interactions in the Sopranos were true to life and interesting to watch. A lot of people find AJ to be annoying, and he really was sometimes, but i NEVER skipped any scene with him. In contrast, in Breaking Bad EVERY scene with Walt's son in it was pure cringe. It was a mix of bad acting with uninteresting dialogue and unrealistic behavior. I just can't help myself but to skip it. Total debacle.

[@rsmith7994]

Very observant. The sacred and the propane!

[@thesacredandthepropane8744]

@@rsmith7994 indeed

[@erikstorm8935]

I think the actor who played Walt Jr. did as best as he could given his disability. So, I'll never criticize him as an actor. But yeah I didnt much enjoy those scenes. And a reason why I consider Breaking Bad to be a great show...but not THE greatest. Edit: to be fair the guy who played Walt. Jr. did have some moments of brilliance. Just to put that out there.

[@TomoDerp]

what

[@YourBuddyTom01]

@Ma Och L bozo

[@sean5558]

Beign committed from attempting suicide would have disqualified him from military service anyways, even with war on terror at the time. Beign diagnosed with something he could have got a waiver but not for what happened to him, plus I think he was only experiencing a manic high when he was motivated to join

[@okat32]

It’s not the kid, it’s how he was raised, if you gives kid the world, he will only expect the universe after, you have to raise your kid even if you have a fortune to aprecciate what he has, not spoil him to make him shut up. Being spoiled and doing nothing will never beat having nothing and working hard and trying to have a better life and actually getting there, the only reason people who work hard stay stay in fortune is because of their experience, spoiled kids don’t have any experience so they waste whatever he is given expecting another resolve in the future.

[@HanGhost99]

When growing up, love & understanding are worth more than any amount of money

[@Flatcap_Dave]

AJ isn’t a bad kid. He works real hard when he’s with Blanca