The Spotlight Effect

[@marco8673]

we overestimate how people remember our action (positivily or negatively) more than they actually do (spotlight effect)

[@emekamonyei2158]

I used to be a massive introvert when I was younger. It was very bad. I still am, but nowhere near the degree it used to be. I dont know when things turned for the better, but realizing that people aren't paying as much attention to me as I imagined CHANGED MY LIFE. I could speak in public, stand up for myself, make mistakes publicly and not have my entire week ruined. Life goes on, people care about themselves more than others. Its liberating.

[@antwuntrademark]

*NOTE TO SELF* 1.) Stastically speaking, most people don't care what you do and don't remember your mistakes. Why do you seem to remember most of your social blunders but rarely others? It's the same for other people. They rarely remember what you did "wrong" because they're focused on themselves. Everyone is like this. 2.) Focus your attention on others. Instead of looking down or to the side, observe others in the room to prevent your attention from being internalized. Remember the Spotlight Effect is lying to you and remember to focus your attention outside of you to prevent unnecessary anxiety.

[@whoreslayer]

am I the only one who remembers each and every embarrassing moment of others, but do not remind them of it

[@whoreslayer]

Heck I don't even remember my own mistakes and embarrassing moments

[@adamskillz0078]

Share your wisdom wise one. You’re one of the lucky few lool

[@vivekanandavinci]

This is it. I've been searching for this for a long time..

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Glad to hear that. Remind yourself of the study in your next social encounter.

[@DefinitelyNotOptimusPrime]

Exactly same here

[@Nathan-hb2nd]

I grew up being so observative that i assume other people is like that

[@rik-keymusic160]

The only worst critic is that one in your own mind.

[@foodislife6425]

This channel is one of the most helpful things I've ever encountered I appreciate it 👍

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Woah, thanks for the very kind words!

[@masternobody1896]

@@ProjectBetterSelf your chenel change my life

[@begito9024]

You are the one who decides what you choose in your life so yes you are , its your choice if you want your story to be great or bad , legendary or forgotten it depends on you

[@ivanliz.5638]

This really helps me, thanks for that

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Glad to hear that Ivan

[@LukasVokrinek]

I love this channel so much. It's given me more personal growth and motivation tips than anything else. Thank you so much for making these

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Happy to help!

[@gnomeburrito]

Thank you for this!!!!! I have an interview in about an hour and needed a shift in perspective.

[@moalston4203]

You are you and that is your power don't let what other think get to you

[@TCTCTCTCTC]

Really helpful, thank you. I especially liked the insight re looking down (when anxious etc), that it makes us look internally, and that we’re better off looking/focussing on another person, to stop those internal thoughts. Thanks!

[@rishigoyal7059]

I really appreciate your videos, man! This is gold standard material right here. Useful and presented excellently. I thank you for making these videos and educating other people like me.

[@ranc1977]

Social anxiety is part of Complex trauma, it is having experience of being abused, bullied, mobbing attack. Problem are toxic people, not our symptoms that are now stuck inside our body as triggers and flashbacks. Thinking about Spotlight effect leads to another effect: "The self-absorption paradox describes the contradictory association whereby higher levels of self-awareness are simultaneously associated with higher levels of psychological distress and with psychological well-being." "You need to look at other people and shift your focus on them" Socially anxious people are already focused on other people. They are focused too much already, it is like being zoomed onto other people. It is due to abuse and toxic ambient, where predators and manipulators hurt them in the past, and now they look at other people closely to seek evidence of predator and manipulative, toxic behaviour. Think about it logically, social anxiety was discovered in 1990s and CBT is explaining it as mindset issue, that people need to shift focus. It did not help. But pharma mafia likes to make people believe that there is no trauma, since it is easier to make money on human neurosis and heal toxic environment - since there is no money influx if there is no anxiety. "Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron

[@Elzilcho87]

Some people though are targets of other people, and do get remembered as being "cringe". That t-shirt experiment doesn't really prove anything other than how people that are already socially accepted won't be remembered negatively for their t-shirts.

[@moalston4203]

The minute you care about what other think of you is the moment you stop be being yourself

[@ranc1977]

What if you are a narcissist or Amber? Is it cool to be serial killer or president of Russia and kill innocent people just because you are yourself?

[@dramaticbish7098]

Thank you so much for posting this vdo I am struggling with anxiety and i always tend overestimate how people see me..........this vdo really made me feel a lot better 💗

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Hope you can implement this in your life. Good luck

[@superdoggopuggowuggo1273]

I found your second point very helpful and eye-opening - (observing other people tip) - so I'll make sure to now incorporate it

[@ab-15188]

Its always been hard for me. Despite my talents and achievement but one thing that got into my self esteem is I'm shorter than average Chinese and Chinese are usually tall which makes me loss confident among Chinese girls

[@moalston4203]

Be yourself and you will be cool

[@gabukxcz]

im social anxious but im getting better on this hard path to be "normal"

[@moalston4203]

Overthinking prevents you from doing anything

[@ranc1977]

Toxic people prevent a lot, too. Dog in a manger: "a person who selfishly withholds from others something useless to himself." There is also crab mentality.

[@sufyanzaheeri2263]

Thanks for making this one I'm trying to cope with this since long.

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Hope it helped Sufyan.

[@kennedynjuguna]

This is actually very helpful

[@anamyajain5723]

This is the problem I an facing and I think I am introvert

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Many people are facing the same problem, hopefully this video helped you Anamya.

[@ranc1977]

Being introvert is not pathology and there is nothing to cure about being introvert. You can be introvert and still like people and go to parties.

[@sweater33]

I love this video! Super helpful :D

[@mohammedmurshithn4669]

Awesome and unique

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Glad you think so!

[@benchleoncio2736]

Wahhhh 🥰😍❤️

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Heya

[@benchleoncio2736]

Thank you for your contents here .. can I have a request some time?

[@foyatfoyar2545]

Great

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Thanks Foyat.

[@Kitchenlabofficial]

Wow amazing

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Thanks for watching

[@Kitarp06]

helpfull😀😀

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Glad you think so Pratik.

[@deepaksai8713]

Quick Summary: Spotlight Effect (You are not the MC and Nobody cares) Use your eyes and shift Focus.

[@Ripper0Youh]

When i observe others, occasionally they look straight back and our eyes meet. This feels a little weird. Sould you maintain eye contact or maybe smile and look away, maybe have a little moment with suttle communication? These all feels weird.. To me eye contact feels like a sign of challenge or attraction.. I dont know im thinking too much again

[@zackhorton659]

I may not be a main character but I will become the side character the main character is jealous of.

[@kpsa2083]

I always try to fight my own mind every thing I do i question myself why am I doing this and what if anyone judeges me over this and what will I answer them and always feel like everyone is talking about me or watching me whenever I am in crowd

[@blankearth5840]

But isn’t it completely fine to see ourselves as the main character or protagonist of our own story? As like a form of self motivation?

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

If that benefits you, I think it should be alright. The problem is when we are anxious that everyone is watching us that it starts to become a problem and we stop being ourselves. That's how I like to think about it.

[@Magnificento03]

So I am not myself. Most of the time 😶

[@coo-lest9756]

Make video on how i can deal with bad memories from past🤯

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

I'll add it to the list.

[@coo-lest9756]

@@ProjectBetterSelf thanks 🙏

[@ИниятПирназаров]

Do you mind if i translate in my language and i will edit to my Instagram or in a youtube channel

[@ezracerna9104]

But i live in a small town...

[@mornaybecker882]

how can I get into contact with you?

[@ProjectBetterSelf]

Hey Mornay.

[@mornaybecker882]

@@ProjectBetterSelf are we allowed to use your videos and tag you?

[@Ghost58202]

Wait are u Macedonian?

[@Natalia-cm8ez]

Ok.. Wasn't that kinda Obvious 😬

[@alanwhiplington5504]

Pity about the sloppy grammar errors.

[@cloo2937]

Just get to the point dang

[@engin1050]

Kaj si be brat

[@eightytwo6185]

In other words, nobody cares 😂