The Technomancer (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews The Technomancer.
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[@alexleslie2898]

"They failed to find the interesting story in a game about lightning wizards from Mars!" Best quote of the year

[@ClonesDream]

You could say that about Destiny, and it would still make sense.

[@alexleslie2898]

True enough

[@lnsflare1]

Hey, making interesting stories about Lightning Wizards from Mars is harder than it sounds. George Lucas somehow managed to Screw it up three times in a row, essentially.

[@Shadowmagiceffect]

didn't the destiny wizards come from the moon ?

[@SnowySanctuary]

I like myself some electric space wizards!

[@thenotoriousdig610]

"Oh bugger, I knew we forgot something" He is the best. Ever.

[@Ribbons0121R121]

its because despite his examples being as off the wall as richochet of bullets being tied to an rng he hits the mark every time like the halo 3 BR and bullet magnetism

[@MuroKhan]

YOu know for a game all about a Technomancer, I haven't heard anything about controlling technology, as what the name would imply, kinda like how pyromancers control fire and necromancers control the dead.

[@boopitydoopity]

Nah technomancers only control a genre of music

[@MuroKhan]

It's worse than I thought....

[@lnsflare1]

Technically, "Mancer" is a suffix meaning "one who divines by means of," so a "Technomancer" should etymologically be "one who tells the future using technology." *===The More You Know

[@WDSimp]

Tech Romancer, conversely, was a game about trying to have intercourse with appliances. Sticking your bits in a toaster is still a bad idea IRL though.

[@TheMeanMongoose]

Wouldn't be a very original idea either, but it would have been cooler to build the gameplay mechanics on the premise of turning the opponent's technology against them (Deus Ex did it pretty well). Like, you said, a technomancer would do. Being someone with that power in a high-tech society, your character could be a key player in the conflict between the various factions. Again, standard RPG stuff, but has a bit more to offer than "he shoots lightning so the bad guys hate him."

[@themetalone7739]

"You wager your wobbly bits, we've got combat!" XD God, the way he puts things just cracks me the hell up.

[@knowlessman]

Holy shit, this one's good X'D I'm barely past the *three separate ways he managed to find to alliterate "bet your bollocks"* and I'm dyin'

[@rjfaber1991]

"With the exception of modern warfare shooters" - Don't we have a special name for those games, Yahtzee? I mean, you coined the term Spunkgargleweewee, and everybody seems to agree that's a brilliant name for them, so you might as well keep using it...

[@addiereynolds3961]

^^^^

[@senpyrothewizard8172]

No, that's for the genre of run and gun military shooters that rely on hiding behind a wall to regen health while sucking your thumb. He must have been talking about Modern Warfare as in the series.

[@boilpoil]

Because, unfortunately, there is also Spec Ops: The Line, which is a modern warfare shooter but not a Spunkgargleweewee...

[@rjfaber1991]

@boilpoil Well yes, but he did use CoD and Battlefield box art in the actual video...

[@aprofondir]

But there are also spunkgargleweewee that aren't modern warfare, or warfare at all, like BF Hardline, or Order 1896, Ryse or maybe the new BF1

[@patrickharrison6293]

Just saying, if this game was about about a lovable wizard, it would be called the "technoromancer" WOOH!

[@alexstapleton6339]

A porn game, you mean

[@nazauwu6431]

+Alex Stapleton the technobanger

[@dainor]

I reported this comment for abuse

[@alexstapleton6339]

Oussama Hamdi why? It was a joke.

[@mostermaaaaan]

so was that

[@joebrito3192]

im gonna use that saying at work now " about as useful as a hand brake on a shark"

[@Pikminiman]

I have an enormous amount of respect for Yahtzee. There is no way in hell I'd be able to make 50 episodes of this per year and also do anything else. And it's not just about having a consistent schedule -- the quality never really dips on this show. Between the wit-based comedy and the genuinely insightful criticisms, I'd expect either one to occasionally suffer in a webseries that's been going for as long as Zero Punctuation, but it never happens. If you watch the very first few episodes of ZP, it's disturbingly consistent to the ones that come out today. And I mean that in a good way.

[@guguigugu]

seven years later and you are still as right as ever

[@Hostilenemy]

It's clear that the protagonist is a hipster from the 90s. When techno was still considered cool.

[@lnsflare1]

Impossible. He has no beard.

[@doctoreggnog6644]

Didn't techno simply become dubstep? I only understand or like about one out of every ten genres of music.

[@lnsflare1]

+Trevor Marvell "Grungista."

[@TheAwkwardGuy]

I think techno is more robotic while dubstep is more uh skrillex?....well it's pretty much different.

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

I like Papa Roach, he basically is Linkin Park during their meteora days

[@doubledamn2599]

Was the game cover designed by the same guy who did the cover for Shadow of Mordor? Because if not, then they just replaced his sword with a gun and made the backdrop brown.

[@performa9523]

Wow, the resemblance IS uncanny.

[@GarudaRamudasRumpusRoom]

Honestly 90% of AAA game covers look the exact same, just look at the Deus Ex and Mass Effect covers he put in the video and compare it to Technomancer's.

[@mrbravocheesecaked457]

+Garuda Ramuda do you mean, man with gun, man with gun looking angry, or man pointing gun?

[@lotedor8894]

0:50 That Dawnguard shield tho

[@Znijik]

See, when I think of technomancer, I think of someone using the power of electronic music to destroy their foes, bend the laws of physics to their will, and influence everyone to drop what they're doing and just dance. Sadly, all we got were lightning wizards.

[@OneOfTheLoveless]

I miss Bluescreen McEndjoke.

[@sofija1996]

It's still in the Escapist upload of the videos.

[@OneOfTheLoveless]

sofija1996 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

[@AlexMartinez-cu5bw]

+sofija1996 Oh hey, one of the few reasons to go there.

[@thefreebooter8816]

Totalbiscuit wanted to like it, and so did Yahtzee, and you will too. You will really really want to like it too, but something will make it almost not worth playing.

[@Aristaios]

You mean like how difficult the enemies are so early in the game and the way to deal with em is to whack em once then keep rolling to try and dodge their attacks before attempting to hit em once before dodge rolling again

[@TheRadioSquare]

But TB went in thinking it's gonna be as bad as previous games and sucked at the game to a point where he was too shit to even beat the prologue.

[@XeniteBlackthread]

After seeing how TB approached combat in Technomancer, all I can say is... Pfft, TotalBiscuit.

[@maokaihecarim1822]

Aye I beat the game, and while the story line was just barely coherent and interesting enough to keep me playing it felt like a chore more than a game. Running back and forth through the same 3 cities over and over doing pointless fetch quests. Fighting the exact same enemies in the exact same spots over and over. The combat *was* fun at points (I was a staff user only) but I really grew tired of the hit, dodge roll, hit, dodge roll strat that was mandatory against every human enemy. I'd say the game is ok enough to push through if you've got no other game to play. But if you have a huge backlog of games just skip this one, you won't hear anyone discussing it in a months time. SPOILER! An other complaint I had was at one point I had disgraced the big bad, but the company he worked for was still in the city I disgraced him from. He was still somehow in charge of enough forces to respawn the troops I kept destroying over and over, and even though he was disgraced, they still tried to fight me over and over.

[@elizabethstevenson9707]

Yahtzee is Esca-pissed.

[@BFedie518]

"You wager your wobbly bits" XD Definitely the best one.

[@jetstreamlove_r7420]

Yathzee's one of those professors. Where if you stop paying attention for 2 seconds, you lose a whole sections worth of the lesson.

[@evilfangs]

Woo he mentioned Norfolk!

[@peytongonavy]

I don't even know anybody from Norfolk but I know that "inbreds" comment isn't necessarily wrong.

[@evilfangs]

Stereotype, but it's nice to know idiots still believe in such things. We're all farmers driving our tractors too I presume.

[@ecthelion7419]

4:38 Yahtzee's secret dolphin fetish emerges once again!

[@MTdaBlacking]

Secret?

[@satan7241]

Shoutout to Yahtzee, the most underrated youtuber on the planet

[@Terranallias18]

when he hits 1 mil he'll be the proper amount of rated

[@karfsma778]

ya missed a zero in there.

[@vetlekarlsen8382]

But Dunkey sucks

[@BaneDane_JB]

Im not so sure you know what underrated means, Yahtzee is pretty much the one and only reason people know what the Escapist even is and I found him before I found TotalBiscuit or Jim Sterling because he is that popular. (To be fair those two where on the same channel so he led me to finding Jim Sterling, but still)

[@lmlopez6155]

Ziggy Stardust and the lightening wizards from Mars is my favorite 60's rock band

[@palkinator]

You had me at "handbrake on a shark"

[@oddfoxx_]

Haha that dig at the end there at Jim Sterling quite hilarious

[@DycuswasHere]

0:42 Good grief not even Yahtzee can escape Pokemon Go!

[@Roonayy]

I'm watching this drunk and the only thing I can remember from this video is "You wager your wobbly bits, we got combat"

[@numatruehome100]

Wait (goes to a nearby mall to see if there are guns) Okay, I'll give you that one Yahtzee.

[@xXxKAMIKAZExXx]

Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines! xD I understood that reference. :)

[@Curator134]

Catch that Pigeon NOW!

[@ruffethereal1904]

Even though I love this game, I agree with your points, Yahtzee, The Technomancer does do a lot wrong, lacks a lot of features, in spite of how hard the devs clearly tried. You put forward some of the game's most glaring problems in an amusing manner, and I was entertained, so good job. You keep on being the cynical, critical, and entertaining man you are, the world is better for having you.

[@scottcheg9]

After playing through expert I really needed this for catharsis, theres a lot to like about this game but the amount of times i got stun locked is unforgivable.

[@spamreciever4208]

Gives me a pre-crusade adeptus mechanicus vibe.

[@AlmightyRager95]

I got this game from a Games with Gold free download bit, because it looked interesting. And the premise was interesting... until like the first segment where you're sneaking through a scrapyard-looking area and you're supposed to beat around a bunch of scavenger types; I only got halfway through before losing interest and uninstalling the game because I got bored of it. The previous record holder for fastest loss of interest in a game was Chicken Shoot for the Wii. Never heard of it? Good. It's probably best you keep it that way; shitty shovelware for the Wii that can be summed up as follows: "Hand-drawn carnival shooting gallery with one 3d animated prop per stage, and your enemies are chickens". Played it for a couple hours before eventually getting bored of the whole thing. Technomancer got a little under an hour, possibly only half of one from me before it got dropped.

[@Eonymia]

Made by the same people who made Mars:War Logs, which, surprisingly, is set on Mars, contains a war, and also has Technomancers in it. To master the combat, the jank you must master, young student.

[@Boss-_]

"Be the pegion to the main villain's Dick Dasterdly" - I feel like that analogy was wasted on most people, but having loved the cartoon, it brought a smile to my face.

[@haydentravis3348]

lol Wow, that last line. Just... wow.

[@PupdudePwns]

1:13 Yay, Pat appeared in a new ZP!

[@philipatha]

Some say that he once put a handbrake on a shark. And if he were in a dystopian world, his helmet would be a recreation of Robert Patrick's head. All we know is, he's called the Stig.

[@timothyshoup5044]

That last line killed me.

[@nindger4270]

Trevor Tell and Siobhan Show, I wonder how many people picked up on that obscure reference :D made my day, have to watch that again some time..

[@pentadeuce1086]

Dammit T-Mobile, stop putting unskipable ads on my zero punctuation!!! >:(

[@gurneygang9625]

that's not T moble that's youtube

[@pentadeuce1086]

No every single time I watch a zero punctuation video I get an unskipable T-Mobile ad. That sadi it is also KZbin's fault.

[@hopewec]

Worst part is, that is about right. I was also wondering where one of the companions came from

[@wiregoathanger1351]

You forgot Dishonored and the second one for betrayal

[@officialdinoshow]

*Insert witty "last time I came this early" joke here*

[@chrisholly4817]

'Wonder how many people will get that Pigeon & Dick Dastardly reference.

[@mrmacdingo2155]

Guys.. seriously... Put this video on half speed... im literally dying of laughter

[@GrimNobody]

This game is free on the Xbox One this month with Xbox Live Gold. It went from $40 to $0.

[@javidaderson]

"About as useful as a hand brake on a shark." in my new Favorite Yatsimile.

[@DrCoomer_1]

Had a play, it's aged kind of well

[@IllisiaAdams]

It's also a BUGGY MESS! I'm really surprised he didn't mention them.

[@zakip1982]

He said "Zaki-boy" MY NAME IS ZAKI OH MY GOD THERE'S GOT TO BE A CONSPIRACY IN THERE SOMEWHERE

[@StriderOwO]

How fucking dare you remind me that Haze exists. How fucking dare you.

[@thebrogamer1]

does any one notice this is a sequal to the game mars war logs. like literally. in that game you are a technomancer n a mars world where two factions fight. sound familiar . if its not a sequal its at least in the same universe

[@SilasHand]

handbreak on a shirt needs to be a t-shirt!

[@Dariushellstrome]

Stop that Pidgeon, Stop that Pidgeon NOW!!!

[@BFedie518]

I haven't played the game and may be hoping for too much, but it'd be cool if there was a double plot twist where the evil authority didn't actually betray you, the resistance just says they did. That adds some actual moral complexity

[@funnyboy044]

I have a friend who made his own group called the Technomancers. No Joke.

[@skullsquad900]

I loved the World Building, Setting, Skill & Weapon Details, and it's the only game I've played with an actual Staff Fighting Style. Sucks that the characters were character-less...

[@ManoredRed]

"They failed to find the interesting story in a game about lighting wizards from Mars" Ha!

[@BadGrief]

0/10 - This should have been a game where there was actual Technomancers who spawned ravers doped up on coke fighting the Illuminati while Darude Sandstorm plays and loops in the background. Now that would have been a legendary game.

[@TylerInTraining]

1:30 Is that a Ghastly Gibus I spy? It made me bust out laughing either way.

[@Gobsnachaz]

I also give all my video game characters beards.

[@mattyrawsag]

So it's mars war logs? like really, whats the difference?

[@DevilOfRoses]

pretty much, same company, same setting, lots of hitting things with a stick and blasting them with lightning.

[@DevilOfRoses]

Just not based on a foreign film no one has seen.

[@Aristaios]

+DevilofRoses except Mars war logs ain't so difficult on easy in the beginning

[@DevilOfRoses]

Well, hopefully it offers a little more choice and a larger world. Mars: War Logs seemed so much like it wanted to be Mass Effect, had the ambition for it, but lacked the resources or creativity to deal with the lack of those resources. It always seems like their games are on the verge of being something great, but missing it by a step or two.

[@anonymous535]

Woah, Mars War Logs was based on a film? Which one? I tried googling but found nothing.

[@siddhantdeepful]

He sounds extremely happy for some reason or is that just me............?

[@samponcho3412]

The only way you get get me interested in this game is if it pulled a prometheus and you were actually in a Red Faction game the whole time

[@90lancaster]

LOL at the wrestling Joke

[@candyman19891]

Should have called the episode the Techromancer

[@Gallacant]

I am surprised he still hasnt reviewed Chrono Trigger

[@monte6777]

I thought the game was about Warhammer 40k, especially with the setting being on Mars and the theme being "Grimdark". I'm dissapointed, and I find this game to be true HERESEY.

[@WillReddish]

Yahtzee should probably do what Jim did and escape the Escapist. He accounts for 100% of the content.

[@WillReddish]

Which would be better off with the content usually published here. I don't know anything about his contract with Escapist, so it may be a bad idea, I dunno. My main point is that this channel is entirely Yahtzee

[@darvender]

There are other things on this channel?

[@randominternetsurfersurfin7595]

He can't because unlike yathzee,jim actually owns his show. All the animations,and pics and the show are owned by the escapist,plus they have great lawyers so he doesn't have to deal with the bs that guys like IHE or jim does. tl;dr yahtzee has A LOT to lose if he left.

[@RustyShackleford101]

Techno-wizards that can shoot lightning eh? *strokes chin in Adeptus Mechanicus*

[@jbirzer]

Somehow, the ad for a product called "Poo-pourri" that played before this review seems strangely appropriate. Something to wipe the stench away.

[@mattrhea4409]

Sought this review after playing 8 hours of this game, all I can say is SPOT ON!

[@CAP198462]

Lightning wizards from mars = Adeptus Mechanicus

[@eggy_tran589]

That fuckin closer, jesus christ.

[@SegaCDUniverse]

Does the Robert Patrick from Double Dragon the movie make an appearance?

[@ChickenWilickers]

There's subtext in wrestling?

[@TiaMoshii]

Only homoerotic one.

[@ChickenWilickers]

TiaMoshii Pretty sure it ain't subtext XD.

[@CensoredHarbor]

This is my favorite post-wank show

[@Betta66]

5:05 Getting in front of something with the intent to interact with it is like keeping hold of a bar of soap in the bath, huh? I seem to recall that, in his review of Sonic Generations, he said controlling Sonic in 3D gameplay was like holding on to a bar of soap in the bath. Is he running out of analogies or something?

[@Draconich]

Does Yahtzee read Tokyo Ghoul Re:? Because that was either a really subtle reference, or one strange coincidence.

[@alastairmichael1]

I'd like to see yahtzee do a retro review of Vampire: the Masquerade: Bloodlines

[@TrentFalkenrath]

Hey Yahzee, if ur in the mood for a puzzle game ya might like to try the Temporal Invasion. For wat it's worth, I think it's pretty interesting.

[@stoppi89]

Thank you, friendly curser in the end scene, for clicking that subscribe button, you know, so I don't have to.... Huehuehue

[@lrmcatspaw1]

"Lets just turn every game into dark souls"

[@cpt.shmitt7387]

I wish that was true about the American shopping malls.

[@madsli]

Is there any story where the mutants are in charge and the regular folk are the underdogs? Also how good is the techno in this game? I am atleast expecting some kraftwerk, maybe some kavinsky or megadrive also.

[@OlOleander]

Seriously, how do you fuck up Lightning Wizards on Mars?

[@snicketgames]

every time I try to technomance it needs an update!

[@ZachariahNelson]

It was hard watching this and not thinking he's criticizing me.

[@cwolvie]

"...being the pigeon to the main villain's Dick Dastardly" DAMN, you're showing your age, Yahtzee! I remember watching that when I was a KID! (Not in the original viewing, mind; I ain't THAT old.)

[@spyguy6249]

More honest and less ignorant review than TB

[@randominternetsurfersurfin7595]

you must really dislike TB.

[@pyromaniac2104]

I like to think I personally am a man of tolerance or a man of "unironically and substantially liking things that everybody else hates" for example I (unironically and substantially may remind you) like: X-men Origins Wolverine, Doctor Who Seasons 11 and 12 and the singleplayer campaign of EA's Star Wars Battlefront 2. I give you this background information about me in hope this next statement will hold weight: I DESPISE this game it is one of only 3 games I have ever Traded in/Returned! I played up to the first boss and my entire physical being (and a little bit of my spiritual one) said "come on are you really going to play the rest of this shyte" to which I sensibly answered "no"

[@BTML498]

To save our mother Earth from any alien attack

[@corneliusmargony4200]

I'm disappoint. that the game wasn't about a necromancer who used his powers to battle using undead dance party's, giving an excuse to make even make more dub remixes of spookie scary skeletons and make the skeleton war meme even more popular.

[@atlerthedark3639]

Didn't Papers, Please have you play as a sinister authority?

[@starkiller23610]

Really want this game. Don't have PS4 though ...

[@darvender]

It's on PS4, Xbox one and PC.

[@DarkSoul-ds2]

he means hes still on last gen. cant blame him free online ps play

[@TragoudistrosMPH]

The game was fun, and the characters had interesting stories. They even had their own moral codes, so individual characters actually liked or disliked what you did. This review was too jaded.

[@Sinintheair]

he was really stuck on the whole no beard thing, he kind of seems angry about it lmao

[@therecklessabandable]

Wooo! Only one week and 17 minutes late to the video this time!

[@AzraNoxx]

"You could out-equip a technomancer with a gift certificate and ten minutes at an American shopping mall."

[@GumbaMasta]

Was that a Monty Python reference at 2:51 ?

[@thepayne7862]

Everything Yahtzee said about the game is true but I still enjoyed playing it.