The Time John Mulaney Accidentally Got a Prostate Exam

[@ayush17]

"Oooooooooooo" -John Mulaney

[@Potterhead-wg7vz]

*I’m **_S o R rY_*

[@hankwicklund2182]

John "OOOOOOOOOO" Mulaney

[@baileygobrr]

THAT PART GOT ME SO BAD LOL

[@Kodac2k25]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@stuffnstuff8844]

@@Potterhead-wg7vz ah grr *throws glove away*

[@melinalicharowicz7332]

"So I pulled up my pants and shuffled away...feeling different."

[@smosmilesmom]

"you look different" - batman

[@malachiatkinson7245]

@@smosmilesmom "let's do it"

[@bookwormneverforgetbricks605]

Feeling gay

[@galaxywolf8444]

"And he yells out into the gall and he goes 'HEY WE'RE DOING A BLOOD TEST'"

[@mykzalot]

It's the shuffle for me

[@kellyphillips9743]

The best out of context sentence ever: "I wake up and I'm covered in sweat, lying on the observation table I wake up I open my eyes and I see Batman's face, he's looking at me and he says "you gotta go".

[@npc6817]

WHERE IS IT?!? Edit: "WHERE IS IT?!?" batman screams in my face as a reference to the movie

[@Rime_Thyme]

NPC somewhere near 7:10

[@mirstrikesback]

7:21

[@MxDae]

Then Batman gives you money for a cab, and you feel so _used_ but it was the wildest night of your life.

[@SR-fq2jz]

@@Rime_Thyme - you're eleven -minutes- seconds awaaaaay! -from the time stamp :) Close enough (:

[@tonywhitburn]

“Accidental” and “prostate exam” are words that by no means should go together😂

[@caitlinl9494]

but totally should in this situation

[@michaelamurphy7555]

And definitely should not in this situation

[@UnYin99]

Yeah, just like "Brace for impact!"

[@cringe_homestuck_fan3703]

“BRACE FOR EXAM”, he said placing both hands on your shoulders to help brace you

[@stephenking5852]

Who else first learned about prostate exams from that one episode of Family Guy?

[@caela2108]

“and so far he’s had to deal with OhOooOOohH and I’m SoRrYy” lmao

[@galaxywolf8444]

"And he didnt even let me off the hook, ya know?"

[@NESherv]

"...and he was wearing reading glasses, to show that time had passed." Truly a writer's comedian.

[@missdahir123]

NESherv i didn’t get it

[@noname-hf9ty]

I didn't get it can you explain?

[@NESherv]

@@noname-hf9ty John Mulaney's style of storytelling is very self-aware. In other words, he's not afraid to break the fourth wall and wink at the audience when he wants to add a little detail. By saying that Batman was wearing reading glasses "to show that time had passed," he is comically suggesting that Batman's only reason for wearing glasses on that day was to better serve Mulaney's story. That's why it's funny.

[@VanlockFR]

a shame the video cuts a few seconds short, the delivery of that joke would be better if we get to hear the crowd's reaction

[@noname-hf9ty]

@@NESherv alright I get it now hahahahahah that is creative I like John Mullaney 70% more than before now

[@tomitstube]

"you know, like a crime."

[@ninahenderson9121]

tomitstube thank you

[@neomoons296]

something funny is that as soon as I saw this comment, John actually said it

[@chima6291]

@@neomoons296 me too, strange

[@1classikai]

tomitstube “you know, like a liar.”

[@cipher5893]

@Oliver Dreyer aaaaaaaaaaaa@a@@@aaaaaaaaaaaaaa@@aaaaaa@aaaaaaa@a@aaa@aaaaa@aaaaaaaaa@aaaaaaaaaaaaaa@aaaaaaaa@@aa@aaaaa@@a@a@@@a@@@aaaa@@@@@aaa@@aa@aaaa@@aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa@a@aaa@aaa@aa@a@aaa@

[@s-kaye-h6583]

My favorite part of this is how John’s voice cracks a bit on “he stuck his hand in”

[@redcallalily1684]

same. more people need to recognise this.

[@strawberrifields569]

4:33

[@briancmusic6872]

He still feels the pain of that traumatic experience.

[@luizasabbaga592]

It does!! He kinda sounds like Joey richter in that moment

[@joeymightmakeapodcast7699]

@@luizasabbaga592 HE DOES

[@blueskull6268]

When i got a prostate exam my doctor kept both if his hands on my shoulders to comfort me Great guy

[@mikeframe4135]

Lol...

[@armybebe6622]

Wait-

[@rottinginthewoods5955]

This is CURSED

[@ysabellavelez5158]

My brain is messed up...

[@gabriellahernandez9684]

Holdup

[@inapapina7050]

Imagine if someone shat into your hand and went “I’m sORRy”

[@patrinizer346]

And then, the doctor ate it.

[@casper1754]

@@patrinizer346 I'm so fucking tired of seeing what people say

[@shuckgrim]

@@patrinizer346 why do we always end up here?

[@doflash9210]

PATFORMER why

[@haydentheforest805]

Damnit @@patrinizer346

[@taylormoulton8424]

"No that's okay, I was LYING, it was a LIE, to get drugs, you know? Like a crime."

[@rosericorico4980]

I died

[@taakotuesdays]

Gets me every time

[@burnpygmalion39]

I say “I was LYING, it was a LIE.” on a regular basis

[@1classikai]

All I could think of at that part was “You know, like a liar.”

[@lukagrdzelishvili]

@@1classikai do you know where I can find that clip?

[@ARKWalton]

He should've known not to leave the house to go to a secondary location.

[@Kn1feShift]

He should have thrown 50 dollars in a money clip! STREET SMARTS!

[@DeeFightingDreamer]

To prevent this all from happening, he should've thrown some money, yell "YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT?" and run away

[@somethingelse7389]

@@Kn1feShift STREET SMARTS

[@souptheirl1482]

StrEeT SmArts

[@cringe_homestuck_fan3703]

NO, I AINT GOIN TO NO SECONDARY LOCATION!!

[@KongKyrre]

This is probably the funniest, best delivered narrative joke I know of. Truly a gem --- Mulaney is a comedic genius.

[@Ahriman_II]

So this is the only narrative joke you've ever heard huh?

[@sahayeda5220]

i recommend: 1. party story 2. delta airlines 3. salt and pepper diner :)

[@KongKyrre]

@@sahayeda5220 Oh, I'm familiar.

[@ellieelle7318]

@@IWillHarvestYourToes no it's not

[@Taijifufu]

Jay the hell is your problem? You have a prostate exam go entirely too far or something?

[@itsgaylebitxh]

I almost pissed myself at "I'm soooorry". Not 11 times though

[@suranda.]

12?! i would say to get the checked out but we know how that ends

[@bobbob-fj4cr]

Katie is this you?

[@southpoundham]

Haha I love how it zoomed in on his face when he did 😂😂😂

[@enekaitzteixeira70I0]

How many times? We might need you to have a prostate exam.

[@illestvillain1971]

@@bobbob-fj4cr ?

[@tssnmm]

He is the gayest straight male I've ever seen. I love it.

[@Jaymac720]

You clearly haven’t seen Sebastian Maniscalco

[@srluskas6803]

Have you seen JoJo

[@malachiatkinson7245]

He is a proud Asian American woman, and you will respect him!

[@qoyote]

He's an old queen, what're you talking about?

[@Jaymac720]

Super Neko Majin who just want to feed his birds

[@sino3318]

"oh sTICK IT IN I AM AN AMERICAN"

[@JayyySecrets]

I love your profile pic

[@Blazequine]

GEORGE 😂

[@sparksketchbook808]

Your profile picture says it all

[@navneetkaushik2482]

@@sparksketchbook808 hahahaha ...... I was gonna say the same

[@the_gratefulgamer]

I'm sure that's in the constitution, somewhere...

[@reyest890333]

Needs anxiety meds, does the anxious thing to hide anxiety.

[@Ehlaar]

Fucks us over all the time

[@reneehannan6924]

WHO CARES WHAT HUMANS THINK NEGATIVELY ABOUT PEOPLE FCK THEM

[@reneehannan6924]

you too

[@siriolsen7805]

If anyone reading this is struggling with anxiety I would really recommend looking into Andy Cutlers work, reading the success stories is very helpful but also the article by Rebecca Rust Lee on the Weston Price site is great at explaining it well. Wish you all the very best

[@TheyMadeMePickAName]

@@reneehannan6924 I have severe anxiety and Idgaf what people think of me. That's not where anxiety train is heading. Because having anxiety is like having a little window in your mind into the absolute worst timeline, where saying the wrong word at the same moment somehow results in you dying cold and unloved under a bridge. The shit I worry about doesn't even make sense to anyone but myself. For example ever since we've installed the new dishwasher I worry about the tube thing getting loose and causing water damage. Is it reasonable? No. Do I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat thinking "water damage!"? Yes. Now, applying that mindset to interaction with other people, something that is unpredictable? Nightmare.

[@vivianevans8543]

John Mulaney talks like a young priest giving a homily to teens

[@ashleyjohnson9651]

The bread of bread is breeeaaad

[@littledrummergirl_19]

that's not how priests dress XD

[@debaucheryscenes]

not to be that guy but you probably mean a pastor

[@raspberrycrowns9494]

@@ashleyjohnson9651 And ALSO WITH YOU

[@FrankyBabes]

@@debaucheryscenes Nah, he's very much Catholic

[@sophiasawoski7649]

"All of his jokes were very anti-work, which is not always what you want from a healthcare professional"

[@gabethebabe3337]

or Batman...

[@paintpasteljade]

Or a plumber

[@docseamonster3491]

"I can't believe that John Mulaney was a drug addict!" which was commonly said about a comedian who's most famous routine is about lying to a doctor so he could get access to controlled substances.

[@kingofgrim4761]

Tbf he was open a lot him beating his addictions, and did a routine about how he doesn’t look like a druggy and was in fact ok drugs all the time

[@quincytheodore]

This was my introduction to this tall child and it encapsulated him so perfectly. It's already one of my fave standup set

[@sahayeda5220]

you mean this asian american woman? 🤣

[@LARZMARZ94]

Amaterasu should have been able to transform into a Doge. She should have, she should have

[@TylerDurden-dw4ep]

Quincy 1k like

[@Taikofan04]

HOLY CRAP IS THAT AN OKAMI PFP

[@souptheirl1482]

Mine was the salt and pepper diner and it was in a animation and now I'm addicted

[@Wendy-je9zf]

that ghost? that was the spirit of the long lost twink Mulaney never was escaping

[@samanthavialpando4050]

IKR i was like, “sounds pretty gay to me man”

[@unmasc]

no dude, it was the dead victorian girl, penelope, OR WHATEVER HER NAME WAS.

[@luxusmode111]

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

[@JayyySecrets]

@@unmasc omg your profile pic

[@unmasc]

@Michael Mell could say the same to you. we stan be more chill. 👏

[@thefootman123]

John Mulaney: Power Bottom

[@Styxintheriver]

This is either a blessed or cursed comment

[@nixuccubus6926]

@@Styxintheriver it's both. perfectly balanced as all things should be

[@lucaslayton3974]

He can do anything.

[@oliverkibbe860]

Blursed comment

[@thatoneartsykid_1233]

Katie Kibbe DaNG It I WAS ABOUT TO CoMmENT THAT

[@danielcastillo591]

"The doctor left the room, so I'm alone with Batman" Jesus Christ

[@oliviagrace6914]

don’t take the Lord’s Name in vain 🥰

[@danielcastillo591]

@@oliviagrace6914 Thanks for the tip, but I think I will :)

[@pryingeyes1551]

@@oliviagrace6914 It's truly bizarre to me, how many people think the religion they were born to or found is the one "true" religion.

[@michaelcubed]

@@pryingeyes1551 hey, sounds like the religion is doing their job if their followers think they have the one true religion.

[@PartnershipsForYou]

@@oliviagrace6914 don’t take Batman’s name in vain

[@GoodVsEvil1314]

No one: Not a single soul: John: *o o o O o O o O o O O H*

[@heystepbrother9381]

Im sorrrry

[@eruphin3601]

4:52 for oooOoOoOoOOH 5:54 for I'm SoRrY! 6:08 for oooOoOoOoOOH and I'm SoRrY!

[@charliesanimations3442]

LMAO THANKS

[@BriceTerry]

Also John: *I'm SoRrYy!!!*

[@PlanetMint]

“He smiled at me and he was wearing reading glasses to show time has passed.” Brilliant!

[@JMRandNJJislove]

Scott Tesfaye I don’t get it 😭

[@PlanetMint]

lovedandlossed It’s a sign that the doctor has stopped being silly and has matured with the passing of time

[@avagonzalez3237]

@@PlanetMint when did he say that lol

[@PlanetMint]

Ava Gonzalez around the end

[@ronburgundy244]

@@JMRandNJJislove sometimes in movies and tv shows, they'll do a flash forward where not enough time has passed that a character would look significantly different, so they'll have a character wear something to show that the character is different to how they were before the flash forward. Mulaney has worked on tv shows before so he's probably referencing this trope (I'm also gonna go out on limb and say that aside from the glasses he didn't look too different, causing them to stick out more).

[@alexeller6022]

i've been waiting for this to hit youtube for AGES

[@zizinnnn]

it's been on other channels

[@cwp2175]

@@zizinnnn a lot of other channels

[@soldierofthetemple9815]

Same

[@thething2723]

This man is the epitome of humor. But I will never forgive him for forcing me to explain to MY GRANDPARENTS what a twink is

[@radioactive_baby]

How did they respond to that?

[@amrithkiran.a425]

I should not have searched that on Google images. A big mistake I tell you ! (o_O)

[@thething2723]

@@radioactive_baby they were just like "oh haha that makes the joke more funny"

[@radioactive_baby]

@@amrithkiran.a425 You poor child

[@zakr8318]

I want to add don't click on google image when you look for twink...

[@Abejaved]

The way his voice wobbled when he said the doctor, "stuck his hand in" was hilarious

[@jasrose4496]

"You're nit gonna faint" "So..." SENT ME😂

[@olukiyesimi]

Kunpimook Bhuwakul's nail polish EVERY TIME HAHAHA

[@TdcWillies]

Talent: Original story, perfect timing and delivery, and reading/responding to your audience. In your own voice. Damn fine.

[@etoatoummhmm6391]

*me* Oh! I suffer from frequent urination...... *after video ends* I guess I'm not suffering from frequent urination.

[@maggsmarineverdancy7262]

you probably actually should tell a doctor about that, don't let the fear of a prostate exam scare you away because peeing a lot could be a sign of a serious problem

[@wyskoi]

@Daniel Henderson its not really a whoosh, the person got the joke

[@melb2734]

Haha. I bruised my tailbone and found out the doctor might do a rectal exam if I got it checked out. Decided I was good with giving it time and NOT going to the doctor.

[@tearoses9940]

For some reason whenever I listen to this one, I always picture T-Bo from iCarly as the Batman nurse.

[@maggrinch4196]

Same!!

[@quinngrey8916]

TeaRoses that is the best thing I’ve ever heard oh my gosh

[@Karina-xm2kt]

OMG yes! I can definitely see that 😂

[@kevinvenegas6129]

That's beautiful

[@thePokemonmaster141]

Yooo what 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭now I cant unsee tht

[@cassieelliott6056]

“ooOOOOOOOOHHHHhhhhmmm” “ii’M sOoRrY”

[@kimberlyf6312]

In retrospect, I think that we had some clues about John's drug problems. He was just so hilarious and charming about it that we forgot to be concerned.

[@cantbackdown123]

@vanessa jones bruh shut up that is so ignorant

[@Tonyhouse1168]

That’s how a lot of us get away with it :/

[@venomousbunny9875]

Is Xanax legal in the UK?

[@eughyuck]

@@venomousbunny9875through prescription

[@fusilijerry6295]

I once saw this comment on one of his stand-up videos that said he looks like the gay James Bond villain that promised himself he wouldn't fall in love with Bond, but does anyway. And that comment haunts me.

[@ashleyjohnson9651]

Is that concept something you enjoy? If so, if you haven't already check out the music video for the song "Genghis khan" by miike snow, you won't regret it

[@novemberblake9505]

Lachlan Edwards But it is so accurate

[@MsLm97]

What about now 😅

[@deliren135]

I saw that comment like an hour ago too!

[@brookerickert4046]

i'M SoRrY!!!

[@hallucigenias]

i heard this comment 😂

[@user-yu9tf8jv4r]

What that part came around, I choked on my spit

[@3katfox]

I CRIED!!! 😂😂😂

[@salacious_modeus.]

*OOOhHHhHHhHhH*

[@IReallyAmIronMan]

I have seen this stand up probably 20 times. Still funny.

[@shelbytomy07]

Me either

[@jewfedmuzik]

What special is it from?

[@jewfedmuzik]

@@shelbytomy07 me either dont make ANY sense.. but I totally get it.

[@IReallyAmIronMan]

J. Byron new in town

[@liamgannon9474]

i fall asleep listening to it every night lmao

[@shopkinspesky]

Imagine youre in the doctors office waiting room and then you hear “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU IM SOWWY!” coming from one of the rooms.

[@didthatreallyjust]

Lololll he literally has anxiety because this is the stuff shit people do who have anxiety 😂😂😂😂

[@libbyrose2661]

@huskersmaster Right!😂😂

[@elreydelmundo1343]

He only opened the joke with "I have anxiety".

[@NINELIVECORP]

self diagnosis in a nutshell "I/he/she shares symptoms of anxiety so I/they MUST have it, right????"

[@heyryanisonx3141]

@@NINELIVECORP he has said he has anxiety before

[@Anna-tc6rz]

@@heyryanisonx3141 self diagnosis most likely. If he had a proper diagnosis he wouldn't have had to do all this lol

[@aarchitasharma]

The doctor hitting his sweet spot 😂😂😂

[@samanthavialpando4050]

r/suddenlygay

[@rini8330]

@@samanthavialpando4050 found the reddit user

[@jaquelin2428]

Rene montes r/yep

[@PatrickLongblkwhtrbbt]

🤔🤨😐😶😮🙁☹😟😩😫😖🥴😱🥺🤢

[@Blazequine]

R/suddenlygay

[@jellypupdreams]

OH STICK IT IN IM AN *A M E R I C A N*

[@weggman1984]

"It was as if a ghost had been trapped in my belly and finally flew out towards the light..." That's some great writing right there. 10 out of 10 comedy.

[@Styxintheriver]

“Some of you are ahead of me”

[@LaYamiUwU]

Love that your comment has 69 likes.

[@thirsttweeter3776]

Barry Allen altered the timeline again

[@spaceylacey83]

I was thinking he looked like Grant Gustin the whole time.

[@samanthavialpando4050]

Lmao

[@sonofbatman5233]

So does that mean we’re on Earth II?! That’s some bullshit

[@theangel1975]

Finally, someone thinks the way I do! Thank you.

[@elizabethmckain9631]

Groen Gras oH MY GOSH THATS WHO HE REMINDS ME OF WOAH

[@shenzybrosee]

How can John Mulaney be THIS good at standup? Is it just me or is he like waaay better than every other stand up comedian I've ever seen.

[@haechanverse]

I'm watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and the show made me appreciate stand-up comedians even more, John Mulaney especially

[@WhatACoolArrow]

I love John but better than any other stand up comedian? Absolutely not. Maybe in top 10 all time but probably not, maybe top 5 current. There is some greats though who are way ahead of him. Pryor, Carlin even Dave Chappelle. They are on a different level. But I really do love John, he is excellent at his craft.

[@UnYin99]

Kyle Kinane tells some pretty good stories too.

[@Tmacademia]

John is good, but Tim Hawkins, Dave Chapelle, and Nate Bargatze are better imo. Mulaney is really good though

[@alleymercuryway7777]

@@Tmacademia Nate bargatze is one of my favorite comedians

[@jasonpodell9680]

This is exactly why I love John Mulaney: He always has some crazy story to tell! And on top of that he somehow never gets embarrassed from it, which is even more impressive because HOW?

[@spiralseyes]

Jason Podell maybe he finally got the xanax prescription

[@spontaneousbootay]

He bares it all for the sake of the joke

[@tsfbaf303]

Jason Podell Because it’s usually at least partially made up.

[@friedriceman]

We should’ve seen the warning signs sooner for John. “I was going to get a Xanax prescription. I don’t know if anyone here has had Xanax before, but it’s fantastic”

[@safra8168]

This is literally the opposite of what you should do in a doctor's appointment and I am scrEAminG

[@colhan264]

Damn drew gooden looks hella weird in this

[@jungkookieisacutie9602]

I didn't know Drew Gonzalez did stand up comedy

[@SchoolComedyThursdaychannel]

@@jungkookieisacutie9602 This has so many layers

[@jungkookieisacutie9602]

@@SchoolComedyThursdaychannel indeed it does

[@Roboboy17]

That's such a dumb joke Because we all know this is Danny Gonzalez.

[@babes9750]

JungKookie is a Cutie! i know this is a joke but he actually had before and its the best

[@EricBrinkman]

Haha, "This might as well happen" ;) 3:40

[@vlexnexus8490]

Lol

[@ChoklitThundah]

A doctor did a similar procedure on me two years ago. It feels exactly how he described. The doctor gave me a towel to “clean myself up”. Me thinking he meant poop asked, “how bad is it?” He was actually just talking about cleaning off the lubricant he used

[@samanthavialpando4050]

ChoklitThundah lol

[@novatvt8587]

O=O

[@lifewithkids5231]

When he said “IM SORRY” I burst out with laughter, I haven’t done that in a long time.

[@goreycinema]

7:47. The realization that he went through all of that for absolutely nothing just kills me. XD

[@missmoney369]

cried laughing the first time i saw this

[@HonoluluWhoCares]

I lost my shit at work I couldn't even hide it

[@calisongbird]

provacativemoose interesting choice of words there 😏😄

[@almightysosa3007]

I have a friend with a story so similar to this but it happened when he was 17 and it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my life

[@vinnyd2197]

Love how he refers to the guy as batman

[@mattbabineau197]

Oof, “Xanax is fantastic” hits different now…

[@shantelhill7390]

"PSshS YoU'rE NoT GoNna FAiNt" However comma

[@violetbowie4567]

"And he was wearing reading glasses to show that time had passed." HAHAHA!

[@jackmichael448]

I don't get that part, can you explain?

[@ronburgundy244]

@@jackmichael448 sometimes in movies and tv shows, they'll do a flash forward where not enough time has passed that a character would look significantly different, so they'll have a character wear something to show that the character is different to how they were before the flash forward. Mulaney has worked on tv shows before so he's probably referencing this trope (I'm also gonna go out on limb and say that aside from the glasses he didn't look too different, causing them to stick out more).

[@thomasrosebrough9062]

Hearing a funny Xanax story from John Mulaney in 2019: *Happy Mr Incredible* Hearing the same story in 2023: *Distorted Mr Incredible*

[@F.R.E.D.D2986]

I don't get it

[@tardissixteen8178]

@@F.R.E.D.D2986John went to rehab due to drug addiction in late 2020, and one of the several things he was abusing was Xanax

[@anapaulasantos7784]

dude his skin GLOWS, what highlighter he using

[@KINDaf]

He is damp. He talks about it in his latest bit I believe. I think he has a condition.

[@billnyesmassivethighs3847]

@@KINDaf “He is damp” is so fucking funny to me for no reason

[@TooLittleInfo]

@@KINDaf I think I actually know someone like that

[@nickgrout2502]

Drugs, he was using drugs

[@KajianTemp]

​@@billnyesmassivethighs3847my body, is GROSS.

[@evamaloon1920]

Some y’all be afraid to moan in ya girls ear but I be like: 4:53

[@novatvt8587]

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooomm

[@arsenicfhalx9719]

DNWNDJEJF

[@Youre_a_wizard_shark]

That "sometimes I get nervous on airplanes" killed me everytime

[@Monicalia]

"it was as if a ghost was trapped inside my belly and finally flew out towards the light" such a poetic way of saying he moaned 😁

[@wetland_5844]

The “I’m sorry” killed me

[@anne-droid7739]

He's going to absolutely love his first colonoscopy.

[@DehorseProductions]

Anne-droid fuck off the put you under for that

[@frankkolton1780]

The colonoscopy is no problem, it's having to drink a whole gallon of that stuff that suspiciously looks and tastes like Prestone anti freeze radiator fluid. My advice to other people, tell the pharmacist you want the lime flavored one. Drink it at home on ice mixed with a little salt and tequila, that way the afternoon and evening won't be a total waste. Oh yeah, never stray farther than 20 feet from the bathroom.

[@nguyentheanh3534]

Frank Kolton i’m still gagging from the taste of 4 liters of salty slimy liquid i had to take one year ago for my colonoscopy

[@sadmac356]

@@frankkolton1780 well now I'm wondering how you know what the antifreeze tastes like…

[@vaishrox66]

i made them knock me out with anasthesia before they did coz NOPE

[@faith9196]

“And he was wearing reading glasses. To show that time had passed.” Was just the perfect way to end that lmao

[@MrTheCHANNEL1234]

I bet the friend who told him how to get xans was Pete Davidson 😂😂

[@HighAndDryyyy]

For those who have never seen these incredible comedian, this story is just the tip of the iceberg

[@esora2476]

thERE’S A HORSE LOOSE IN THE HOSPITAL!

[@hellointernetitsphilsfirst9397]

DUCKLINGS!

[@ShawnaGraham50]

John is hilarious!!!!! His voice and delivery is awesome!!

[@tammyk1761]

"My name is Barry Allen and I am the FASTEST man alive"

[@mossman2353]

if hes the fastest man alive maybe that's why he can't get a date

[@marwanali4878]

@@mossman2353 you and Hawkgirl would get along very well

[@TheyMadeMePickAName]

"My name is Barry Allen and SOMETIMES..."

[@tammyk1761]

@The_ Under_Xans bro...

[@myaga]

@The_ Under_Xans bro?

[@BENYJOSE1]

I completely relate - that's what prostate exams are like. I got my first prostate exam in my early thirties for two reasons: I wanted a clean bill of health, and it was free as part of my annual check-up. It was probably the worst that I ever felt in my whole life. I learned something that day: I don't always have to get all the free stuff... they can have other costs.

[@abdullahalmomtan800]

Someone said that he speaks Like This, Where You Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word, and goddamn that is fucken accurate

[@SandrockCustom]

"Feeling *different* "

[@nell1777]

I feel so represented by the carnival voice

[@samira_danya06]

YES

[@fairlyadorablepancreas3746]

I'm a med student and i always wondered how (embarrassed) the patients felt when i examined them this way. Maybe i shouldn't have known. We're like 'Hey! What's your name?' 2 mins later: 'Pull your pants down.' -\_(•_•)_/- .

[@calisongbird]

fairly adorable pancreas your username 😂😂😂

[@satoru_gojohollow]

"So I had to pick a number enough to warrant a doctor's visit, so I pick *ELEVEN* "

[@cinthiaham1517]

This is even more funny now in 2023 knowing that he likely didn’t even NEED the Xanax

[@ivy16x81]

my brain at 2 am every single night: 6:07

[@TheFlyAssasin1]

Drop the snap

[@nicholashanson2096]

I feel like “Ah! We are approaching Martinique!” is such an underappreciated line in this For some reason that always gets me

[@TooLittleInfo]

I liked that one too, and with the exaggerated accent, it was *chef's kiss*

[@alinawolfe6758]

the amount of second hand embarrassment i got for him is overwhelming

[@sheenabeena2838]

“Stick it in, I’m an American” that will be tattooed on my ass😂

[@atoshi5887]

this bit is so disturbing once you’ve seen him spiral down and the Baby J special where he talks about Dr Michael

[@thiccmac5102]

John poppin xannies

[@DJFaNaTiiC]

ThiccMac hella barred out you can barely understand me

[@michellep6417]

“So I pulled up my pants and shuffled away. Feeling different.” HAHAHAH

[@ethanhill4877]

“And, he was wearing reading glassed to show that time had passed.” Fucking comedy writing gold.

[@sdg2450]

These jokes hit differently in 2023

[@macyoakes7555]

And Batman says: 'shh your not gonna faint' John: *faints* Me: he told you you childish SOB he told you

[@HotStrange]

I’ve seen all of his specials so many times but every time I watch them again I’m surprised at how consistently funny he is the entire time. No joke or no line wasted. Everything he says is just hilarious.

[@sophliberty]

i almost started crying at the sheer hilarity of this story

[@ekdaufin1485]

Adult life is already so GD weird.

[@romolomosqueda4148]

And then he found a doctor that gave him all the pills he wanted😭

[@Andy-Mesa]

Yeah, but he still had to do degrading things to get them.

[@Andrew-on1wi]

“And he was wearing reading glasses, to show that time had passed” is the like the end of a short story

[@lw3269]

The prescription joke was funny until you realize that a year and a half after this show, John went to rehab for addiction. Hope he maintains his sobriety.

[@maianikkiamethyst2543]

One of the drugs being Xanax too 😭

[@davidbehrens4760]

This recording is from 8+ years before the rehab stint, but yeah hope he's well

[@avedic]

LOL! Honestly....out of this entire clip, the line that killed me the most was... *"And he was wearing reading glasses....to show that time had passed."* Something about that joke...and the timing of it...is just too perfect. Laughed at that more than anything else...and it was all funny.

[@ashen_roses]

Gotta love when the last joke is basically calling out a narrative trick, my authoring ass loves that

[@andrevrd]

That is one of the best closing lines I have ever heard. You are my favourite comedian, you are basically what I use KZbin for now.

[@emjayay]

"I bet I know what most things feel like."

[@arabianflowers]

The way that John delivered this story is absolutely hilarious, but if you really think about it, it must have been a very traumatic experience for him at the time.