The Truth About Faking Orgasms | Karen Gurney | TED

[@AWOOGO]

Very good talk honestly. I thought it was going to go down the path of "it's mens fault they suck". But it went down the right reason that communication is always the way

[@discord_and_entropy]

I wonder if women would be more enthusiastic and reject less often if they enjoyed it as much

[@OValger]

What a pleasant and calming voice! As a non-native speaker I cannot but appreciate it. Also, completely true - it is so difficult to date a man who had been married for several years and has NO IDEA what can be done in the bedroom, and thinks that if his wife did not complain, everything was all right. Sister, I feel your pain, but everyone would benefit if you had been honest.

[@jellybean6778]

Especially disheartening when he thinks he knows it all and won't listen. As usual, the woman is the one with the "problem."

[@theawesomest2850]

@@jellybean6778 not necessarily, two way streak some women will let you think you’re doing right and won’t communicate what feels right and what doesn’t. I got into it with my wife for that reason and now that we both communicate our love making has improved 10 fold. It’s all about communication, that means expressing yourself and listening to your partner

[@jellybean6778]

@@theawesomest2850 agreed communication is key between willing and open partners. Was agreeing with the first poster. My post was personal also and was based on experience with men who were unwilling to listen and learn, not just to me but to experts, because they already know it all.

[@bdsomratsujon2061]

Hi

[@JenniferCadena]

Damn this is soo sad! Please women stop faking it! Tell them the truth right away!

[@dicesuki4286]

@Corrie then you must avoid that kind of relationship and break it. You know that is not healthy for both of you. If you're in a relationship with that person and they act that way, then they don't really "love" you. They just want something from you. Unless if you are into casual segs then you can't really avoid that, since you are literally doing it to a stranger. You either have to tell them or doing fake orgy for the rest of your life

[@ZirJohn]

​@Corrie so leave

[@TheSaneMongrels]

What? Lying is bad and doesn't benefit us in the long-run? I'm SHOCKED!

[@Ohsojpx]

I met Karen on a film shoot a few years ago. Brilliant person. So knowledgable and puts things in down to earth terms.

[@danielamartinez8939]

Remember, denial and attacking the person and not the content of her words is a defense mechanicism to prevent the ego from getting hurt from the truth.

[@cinnamon8884]

lol so many triggered snowflakes in the comment section

[@netgnostic1627]

I would never want a woman to fake with me, it takes away my opportunity to learn. Believe me, I want to be the best lover I can be, and I love to try new things. Please though, if you didn't get there, don't assume I only care about my own pleasure. I just need to learn more about you.

[@joanocasmourato]

Isn't funny that the majority of women on the commentaries know exactly how true this statement is but the majority of men are divided between being defensive and saying that must be her fault our she does not enough about the subject she study or just going straight to attacking her for her appearance not being what they find attractive? That says enough about the reason straight women don't dare to voice this problem, men seem to be terrible handling criticism!

[@joca5181]

What a conclusion 🥴

[@scatton61]

A good example of a woman not understanding men.

[@jellybean6778]

@@scatton61 your post is a good example of a nonsensical response

[@calebstewart2556]

While I haven’t exactly seen evidence of what you’re saying so I can’t comment on that, I can say that perhaps the issue lies with it being a criticism in general. Why is the man the one criticized for you a woman not being able to come? Instead of critiquing how they go about trying to make you come, why not teach them, coach them. If I were to tell a woman she’s bad in bed and the way she’s doing it won’t get me off, she’d more than likely feel bad and like she’s doing something wrong. Or feel that she can’t complete me. Or she might feel angry, it all depends. But if I were to say, let’s try this instead, do it this way. “For me this doesn’t work.” It’d be much better because it’s less of an attack on her as a woman and more so an understanding of the situation. And also because it’s more compassionate. Saying it in a way that doesn’t come off as attacking or criticizing your partner but rather being compassionate and trying to help them understand something better. Let’s be honest no one wants to feel like they’re a bad partner in bed. But also, a good reason why the men may be divided and the women are all on the same page, is because men have been told and taught the exact opposite for as long as we’ve been alive. It’s inevitable there’d be division, it goes against the things we’ve seen and believed to be true. It makes no sense to immediately just get a lightbulb moment from one speech, however, it’s nonsensical to not even try to comprehend the speech and let it sink in, think about it. Women can all agree with this and come to an easier understanding because it is something they have a personal and intimate understanding of, whereas with the men this is more or less likely their first time with a subject of this matter. Edit: I see the comments you’re talking about. It is quite saddening really, no excuses, but more or less likely they’re all young men who have no real understanding of things of this nature yet, and feel it’s an attack towards them by yet another woman. It’s inexcusable, but inevitable.

[@scatton61]

@Corrie She isn't attractive to me at all (looks or personality) and to a great number of other men, I would imagine. Also no woman I have met handles 'criticism' at all well even if it is advice. Why do you think that there are words such as 'mansplaining' and 'a woman scorned' ? Here in the west women are far more numerous and vicious in criticising other women than men. The highest % of domestic violence is between lesbian couples. I am not saying that there aren't violent men because obviously there are but we are both sides of the same coin and this video at its core blames men.

[@ghmasterjj]

insightful video. The irony for all the guys in the comments dismissing the video or just making fun of the woman's style just reveals their insecurity. I live with my gf and I've spent a lot of time thinking about how we contribute to our relationship, and this video touches on a part of that bond. The reality is if you're girl (or partner) doesn't appreciate how you treat them, they'll eventually leave and you won't have much to show for it in the end. Empathy and understanding is one of the tools towards a healthy relationship and society on a broader scale. I'm embarrassed to have read so many dumb-witted, incel-adjacent comments on a positive video like this. do better bros

[@producermichael3480]

If you wanna be successful, you most take responsibility for your emotions, not place the blame on others. in addition to make you feel more guilty about your faults, pointing the finger at others will only serve to increase your sense of personal accountability. There's always a risk in every investment, yet people still invest and succeed. You most look outward if you wanna be successful in life.

[@leahhadder2578]

Sure! Is a better way to counter this foreseen inflation, because all this wars everywhere are politics.

[@Shelley662]

You most be willing to make sacrifices and leave your comfort zone if you wanna become wealthy.

[@davidlouise87]

they said when you invest little money you earn big,

[@davidlouise87]

Can't even imagine how it is possible

[@elizabethava2438]

success for me could be having a billion dollars in my account, success for you could be your achievements in changing lives of people every step of the way, success for others could be the number of awards they achieved. It depends what you understand success to be.

[@OceanMcIntyre]

Of course the men in the comments are rude and have zero to do with the actual presentation material, and the women are simply agreeing with material. MEN you need to pay attention to this if you want a sexual relationship to last.

[@geraldmerkowitz4360]

So women fake and men are the problem? Is everything okay up there? If you can't even state your basic needs to your significant other, worse if you LIE about it IN BED, then there's no helping you. If you're afraid of you're partner's reaction if you open up, you either need to grow the f up or find a partner you can actually trust.

[@melusine826]

Faking can also come from not feeling/being safe, as is having to say yes because was not allowed to say no for most of 10 years.

[@Glimmmerra]

Life is too short, you deserve so much better even if it's just to be able to be master of your own destiny. Trust me, it's always better on your own for just getting to be at peace

[@auyemra1331]

there was very little information on how to remedy this problem in this video. felt more like a pep talk.

[@Nihilist_Porcupine]

You can't have a single set of recommendations for everyone... Since all women are different. The solution is to talk to your partners, be honest with each other, and do your best to improve the situation together.

[@auyemra1331]

@@Nihilist_Porcupine you just gave me more information in that paragraph than the 11 minute video.

[@elliewellie_YouTube]

Not every tedtalk is meant to solve problems.

[@Jay22222]

@@elliewellie_KZbin You’re also not supposed to come to the comments after a 10 minute Ted Talk to get a book recommendation written by someone completely unrelated to the talk before you learn anything.

[@elliewellie_YouTube]

@@Jay22222 I can say whatever I want so gfy.

[@christinan.1153]

Don‘t care about her looks, care about what she is saying. Try it, you can do it!😊

[@johns4469]

What she saying is nonsense

[@rcyununycvniyb6ucv]

???

[@lesleymelendez5554]

@@johns4469 you're just mad as our chances drop because of you

[@christinan.1153]

@@rcyununycvniyb6ucv!!!

[@shepherdthoenen8564]

@@johns4469 When you throw out EVERYTHING she's saying when only some of it is untrue you discredit your own criticism.

[@f.b.i9572]

TED has gone from conducting talks about beginning of the universe to this.

[@jellybean6778]

Excellent and educational talk. Needed to be said. So many good points made.

[@jessejameskaine]

😂

[@jarrylclark5853]

What good points were made ?

[@BereniceAllanPoe]

@@jarrylclark5853 every point She made was a good point. Did you not listen to the video?

[@jarrylclark5853]

@@BereniceAllanPoe listened very intently . But you didn't answer my question. What good point is she making? This more or less feels like another attack on men. Like everything else that happens in today's society.

[@JacobWillumsen]

What I get from this is. Everything is the man's fault. Side note. I always prioritize my wife's pleasure over my own.

[@MeatMachine69]

Once she started talking about the gender pay gap I turned it off

[@keemez]

I made it about 3 seconds. one look at that hair was enough for me.

[@MeatMachine69]

@@keemez lol 😂

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Why? Because you want to learn but only if it conforms what others tell you?

[@ShahrezadNorMohammadiy9116]

🌺 “Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something." ~ MORIHEI UESHIBA ✍️ 😊

[@ddpwe5269]

Why are there so many butt-hurt boys who want to show their hurt feelings over this? You always hear people joking about this, but then when you have a professional who conducts their own research, along with having clients, you'd think people might be more compassionate it about. Nope. "I don't do this, so it doesn't happen, you're wrong and men are great" attitudes makes you look so damn immature and still part of the PROBLEM! You're making the rest of us look bad to boot! If this isn't describing you, then BE THANKFUL you're not one of the little snowflake boys who can't handle some criticism to HELP THEM be better lovers. Seems like a lot of boys have hit their peak if they don't believe they can always do better and in for a rude awaking when it comes to long-term relationships. smh

[@Roy_is_the_name]

I tought it was Oliver Tree for a second.

[@ungenbunyon5548]

Grus brother came to my mind

[@michaelaskarbova223]

Truly amazing speech ❤

[@madhurgoyal253]

Really fruitful insights

[@MaikeruX989]

A fascinating video! Very insightful! While I wish she’d lay off the ‘patriarchy’ nonsense, everything she recommended to do was spot on!

[@aaronrussell5553]

That truth

[@ellig4353]

I waisted my time just to figure out what I already knew communication is key smh lol

[@jennygirlygirl1]

100% spot on!

[@valuedCustomer2929]

Love the bowl cut

[@ShahrezadNorMohammadiy9116]

❤️🌺🌸 Gender EQUALITY is everyone's business.❤️💇 Stand up for women's rights every day 🌅♀️🧖 and everywhere 🌍🌏🌍! Let's be happy!! 😊🌸 ❤️🌺🌸

[@TheUtubecollection]

WHOSE - pleasure ? SUCH A Strong and Necessary Point. This beautiful Earth --- HAS TO --- STOP ----- Men wanting to DOMINATE the whole Earth.

[@SH.K_]

Thank you!

[@confusedcat1633]

I literally thought she's Jadis from the Walking Dead 💀

[@ByLindaBiomdo]

Great piece!

[@LEV1ATHYN]

She has a PHD in Lesbian Puppetry Studies and I don't recognize that as legitimate academic credentials.

[@heinzbongwasser2715]

Thank you.

[@squirrelcovers6340]

She's a licensed clinical psychologist. Pay attention

[@LEV1ATHYN]

@@squirrelcovers6340 She should psychoanalyze the profile of a human who would cut their hair like that.

[@Chamelionroses]

@@squirrelcovers6340 I am sure majority of folks would oy see Jordan Peterson and those that do conversion therapy especially illegally as the only professionals on mental health. If one is not christian or even think racism is fake even if the professional is have a drug addiction problem while working expect many to reject credentials. Only faith healers are better.

[@Chamelionroses]

@@LEV1ATHYN true if she had long hair talking about feminist LBGT stuff of course she would be listened to more? Really?

[@ligiasommers]

🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻

[@Kisamon]

Where did the data came from, again?

[@KaffekanAnna]

Those statistics are so sad! 💔

[@amilaindunil646]

Is she trolling?

[@TheUtubecollection]

Women :- HAVE TO ... Step UP for themselves AND OTHER Women. Remember.. bro code ???? Women NEED to HAVE Sis- code ..... where .... each woman pulls up the other women. Like a chain. MEN :- HAVE TO ----- R E S P E C T .

[@docskate4312]

This woman seems super interesting. Would like to find out more about that hairstyle though.

[@funkyplaya]

Haven't watched a TED talk in years and I come across this video today. Is this what TED has turned into? No wonder it's become so irrelevant.

[@jeffersondsouza7887]

Social media statistics cant be seen as reliable with algorithm recommendations increasing in the past 5 years

[@whoknowsnotme]

Where did you get the claim that these are "social media statistics" from? I cant find it in the video. Anyway algorithms are the least of the problems with online opinion polls

[@jellybean6778]

She's a clinical psychologist. She conducts research and publishes results.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

They are not "social media statistics". They appear in social media because they are the sad reality for many women

[@shamooloo9272]

Sound doesn't work?

[@abe_ismain]

Your Bluetooth probably switched on! Same with me 😅

[@817Moon]

Look at who’s explaining this 🥴

[@jellybean6778]

A woman who is a clinical psychologist and expert in this area, explaining the issues and scientific research so that you can understand clearly?

[@817Moon]

@@jellybean6778 exactly my point. I left this open for speculation just to prove my point

[@jellybean6778]

@@817Moon you didn't make a point except to suggest there is something wrong with the presenter, as if your point was to deride the message by pointing out that the woman delivering the message was flawed, and so as a result, the message is flawed. The presenter is a highly trained psychologist discussing the research in her field of study.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

Don't you just love people who don't listen to you because you are black?

[@Glimmmerra]

@@817Moon You might want to think about getting an education, it might broaden your perspective on other people, and maybe you'd grow a bit.

[@TarkMcCoy]

Wherein a professional victim conflates equity with equality, and divorces the connection between value and competency.

[@jellybean6778]

Completely nonsensical post

[@lifeofthebat22]

Looks like a Karen. Sounds like a Karen.

[@stefanolejnik3680]

they won't have to fake it, if you did better job... untill next time, friends... (flies away)

[@Mrdashtard]

One can definitely tell she has no clue about men. Every man I know requests and encourages women to say/show what gets them going… or finishing, however you want to view it. When viewing gender equality in the work place as she mentioned,you have to take into the account women days and hours at work also the ratio of men to women. If a women always leaves at 3pm to get the kids, or every time little Billy is sick she stays home as well, that is not conducive to “leveling up”. Now there’s nothing wrong with this and many women are great mother, but you can’t expect to be number one mom and be CEO. One partner has to be more the worker and the other more the parent. Naturally women are better at the comforting young kids. I do agree more women need to speak out openly about what turns them on and so on.

[@jellybean6778]

And men need to understand they do not know it all even tho they'd like to think they do, and they actually need to listen. They are often too proud to learn anything from some "lesser" human. Look at the comments here. Most of the men commenting are openly hostile to women and this woman in particular, apparently because something about her appearance bothers them. They aren't willing to learn from someone who studies and counsels professionally in this area, even in the privacy of their homes.

[@ddpwe5269]

So, you live in a bubble, just like the rest of the ones talking out against this. Rather than being accepting and understanding that THIS DOES HAPPEN. If a psychologist who is talking from EXPERIENCE with her clients and the research she conducts, you'd think you'd want to take a little caution to what a professional has to say. Not only that, I'm pretty sure if you were to conduct your own research with WOMEN, you'd end up finding the same thing. I've never had this problem with gfs, apparently being rare thing. However, that also doesn't mean I go out and say it doesn't exist and call out an actual professional. I listen, understand that this isn't directed at me and agreed with what she has to say, because it makes sense. Oh look, I already do that! SILVER LINING. Nope, people like you think it's an attack and get defended.

[@jellybean6778]

@@ddpwe5269 agree, except that "this problem" is not a problem (this is one of her well-made points) and it's not rare.

[@ashishsonaniya0308]

Well said 🙌

[@00i0ii0]

Cringe

[@lotuseater3287]

how so?

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Yes, discovering that life doesn't resemble p*rn is

[@00i0ii0]

@@lotuseater3287 total yap fest

[@00i0ii0]

​@@MatildeVallespinCasashoneslty not as bad as listening to this dike yipyap for 10 full minutes

[@00i0ii0]

@@MatildeVallespinCasas 🤡

[@laraw9324]

Thanks

[@celestialcircledance]

Woman who put men's sexual pleasure ahead of there own aren't doing it for selfless reasons but as currency to attain things like marriage intimacy and security that may matter a lot more to them in the grand scheme of things .

[@jellybean6778]

So... continue to fake it, giving him a pass every time so that she can enjoy saying she snagged a husband in a marriage in which he never learns how to be a real partner in the bedroom? I don't disagree that that is what motivates some women, but this talk is about moving beyond acceptance that she deserves less as an equally sexual being

[@SibylleLeon]

Yeah, no.

[@scatton61]

Which is why after marrage they stop

[@celestialcircledance]

@@scatton61 Many do sadly unless there smart and want to keep the man faithful and devoted . Marriage takes work !

[@metaleater9]

​@@jellybean6778 "so that she can enjoy saying she snagged" Is that why a woman gets married? Just so she can boast? Or do women only marry men they feel they can boast about? No wonder everyone is lonely and miserable, Average people don't accept average partners anymore.

[@itsarahere3919]

had to play this on 2x i’m sorry

[@johntensai3834]

There is huge difference btw Supporting LGBTQ and Promoting LGBTQ..... And she is clearly Promoting....which not sound minded by any social or scientific means.😡

[@uHasioorr]

I couldn't hear anything of value because speaker kept on going: "man privileged, man bad, sexism, reeeeee".

[@lllololoollollooolll8698]

I don't see anyone outside of this mindset taking part in her study. Maybe they'd end up with better men that are more considerate if they didn't rock bowl-cuts :'3

[@calebstewart2556]

This isn’t even funny, try to watch the video and understand what she’s saying, you being so against what she’s said before listening will make it worse for everyone. Try to listen what is being said than dismiss it because you might not like what is being said. But also, use common sense and logic. Connect the dots and try to understand things, view them in a scope as an issue that is not personally attached to you, if it helps you not feel “attacked” or offended by what is being said.

[@lllololoollollooolll8698]

@@calebstewart2556 not reading all that sir🤷

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

When they are able to satisfy women the way they do, there will be room for discussion

[@tinkerbellcoco_8274]

@@lllololoollollooolll8698do you think not being able to /being too lazy to read 4 sentences is a flex? Its not lol.