The TRUTH about living with your (immigrant) parents.

Unfazed with TazzyPhe podcast here:
Apple Podcast: tinyurl.com/tazzpheapplepodcast
Spotify: tinyurl.com/tazzyspotify
Anchor.fm: anchor.fm/unfazedwithtazzyphe
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
instagram: @tazzyphe / tazzyphe
snapchat: @tazzyphe
twitter: @tazzyphe
facebook: / tazzyphe
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
my gear:
camera body 1: Canon 80D
canon lenses: Tokina 11-16mm, Canon 50mm 1.4
camera body 2: Panasonic Lumix G7
panasonic lenses: Panasonic Lumix G 25mm f/1.7, Panasonic Lumix G Vario 45-150mm f/4-5.6
lavalier mic: PowerDeWise tinyurl.com/y6zj2fst
subscribe: tinyurl.com/SUB2TAZZY
If you're in need of some new hijabs, head over to:
hautehijab.com/?ref=TAZZYPHE&...
and use promo code "TAZZYPHE" or “TAZZYPHE15” to get some $ off of your order.

[@rubykeys8418]

I can relate to this video as a first gen. I do love my parents, but I need to move out to grow and to strengthen my bond with my parents. After moving out, I felt my relationship with my parents become stronger because they see me that I am capable on managing money and taking care of myself. If I were to stay home, then they didn’t see me as being able to take care of myself.

[@g.s.632]

You are right

[@Martina_E]

Yes

[@juleswifey6003]

Why do our immigrant parents underestimate us though

[@jaky411]

@@juleswifey6003b/c their parents did the same to them and the bullying continues until someone becomes the cycle breaker…

[@miseendriste6337]

I'm an Indian Muslim woman who lived with unreasonably strict parents, so as soon as I got my first big boy job I moved out and lived on my own. I can only summarise my experience as follows. When you live with your parents, you don't have the freedom to do what you want to do. When you live independently, you don't have the time to do what you want to do.

[@zubabee]

I am a somali Muslim woman and the oldest girl of 10 siblings, being the second oldest - I need to leave to be my own person

[@nizia7z]

@@zubabee me too am 21 rn planing my exit ....somali culture is tough especially to those who live back home ik I'll never be allowed to move out bt regardless of what I'll try my best

[@mana-uv7cz]

lolol YESS this a thousand percent true working three jobs to pay the rent.... I don't qualify for a house yet

[@sagisli]

The children of immigrants truly suffer being trapped between two cultures, especially if you're female and Muslim. The only escape is marriage. There is no concept of autonomy or privacy in the household. You are trained to work very hard for the high opinion of the members of your small, tight knit immigrant community. The values of their village carry over to the host country and the culture clash is palpable. Moving out and being independent is a fantasy for most young women. It's all about control, starting from what you wear, who your friends are, your personal choices and if they could, they would look into your brain and control your thoughts. I could write a book on this topic but I'll just leave it here.

[@yznuwu3268]

i wholeheartedly agree 🙏

[@juleswifey6003]

Write the book. I'll buy it. I'm female, but Christian. I'm also a child of migrants living in the West. Exact same scenario with my life. The sad thing is that they were so controlling, basically ruined all our lives and refuse to recognise that they're the reason it all went to shit with their kids.

[@si.3107]

But why marriage

[@jemimajanvier4706]

I’m a 22 year old college senior who still lives with my Haitian parents. I plan on living at home after I graduate as I am taking a gap year before applying to PA school as I continue to build my portfolio. My 29 year old brother is a software engineer and although he makes significantly more than my parents, he is also still at home. My family and I were separated before we immigrated and I truly feel like this is a blessing that Jesus has give us by allowing us to have more time together ❤

[@Balgees24]

As 35 single Somali woman, I lived alone for couple years alone. I come from large family ( 7 in total) and always wanted to experience that. Now I moved back with my mom and sis. Me and mother are very close the only problems I have is my mom does not know what boundaries are. I'm someone who likes my space and time.

[@KS-cl8br]

May be better to live alone so she isn't intruding in your privacy.

[@Cash4Fruit]

Yes (I’m 30) my mother doesn’t know boundaries either she will harass me to engage in conversation when I am just passing by,but I discovered something new - wearing large over ear headphones and just smiling and dancing, if it is deathly important she can pull off the headphones. 😅

[@nininizzlebaby2333]

@@Cash4Fruit 😂😂😂

[@stavroulathebest]

In greece its also very usual to live with you parents in your 20s and i definetely pay a mental tax .The extremely few times i have the house without my parents it feels so nice not feeling like i am constantly judged silently.I can do anything my mother would have to do easier just because i dont have her look at me and feel like she will tell me to do it something else because its better.I definitely have repressed anger i cannot resolve.

[@goodstuff4430]

Yup. 100%. I feel guilty leaving though. I don't want them to feel like I want to leave. I wish something happened where I HAD to leave. But I should enjoy it while we're all alive and together.

[@concetta842]

As an Italian American, I absolutely agree

[@veetee4826]

I tried leaving , I went to a homeless shelter. my parents fked me up so bad mentally that im basically incapable of functioning by myself. they filled me w tons of anxiety, social anxiety and I got bpd. I honestly see them as devils disguised as "parents" I wish I could leave.

[@luluah1198]

I had social phobia from preschool . Only now in early 40s im combatting it. It’s not so much staying at home that did it. But a totally dysfunctional family. Lots of abuse in it’s different forms . I hope you receive the help you need to cope with life

[@carymnuhgibrilsamadalnasud1222]

I have BPD too.

[@piqueny8872]

The moment all us siblings start making money we had to pay our way for living with our parents. Yet we were told it’s there House there rules we can’t leave until we marry either Hardly gave us any social freedom makin us have no social skills introverts and push over in society We paid with our mental health financial help now half my siblings are suffering with depression not realising how to think outside the parents household

[@ye23.]

@@farina6616 do you work? Your parents sound toxic but theyre also entitled to ask you to pay for your living expenses given you are 28. Them setting a deadline is wrong but also you shouldnt expect them to pay for your wedding. At your age you should have the money and if your future fiance is financially stable he should be paying a significant portion of it.

[@piqueny8872]

@@farina6616 your parents being unjust and unfair towards you should be the final incentive you need to get your independence and move out asap. Don’t keep procrastinating the longer you stay the worst your mental health will suffer. One of my sisters were bullied to marry, 5 years with a abusive husband for the sake of her parents and getting her freedom now she divorcéd raising two disabled children by her self and the parents don’t care what they got rid of her yet use her for money The last few sentences you’ve written are absolutely true! No body cares what happens to you. At the age of 28 yours an adult who’s responsible for your life married or not! Good luck

[@SA-hy6nw]

Cannot relate to this more!

[@badbeachindustry1615]

It's normal to pay rent to your parents. You should anyways, you get used to managing your money and getting into a routine . I was greatful for that rule . I've never been behind on paying rent living anywhere and I know my limits with it. On another note , if your parents are not letting you go outside or spending time with friends that's toxic and none of their business. Fair enough if you're not allowed visitors in their house but as a adult you should be allowed to go out.

[@behroozshahdaftar4209]

Can I say as an Iranian-American I can so relate? This is particularly difficult for us immigrants who are only children, and whose parents do not have too many other connections in America. We live with the constant guilt of what our immigrant parents gave up for us, and that guilt makes it very hard to move forward and become more independent. I worry and think about my parents and their needs all the time.

[@idreessaleem4722]

I grew up in a very dysfunctional Pakistani household, whilst also facing childhood trauma including bullying , abuse and neglect. My dad passed away in 2012 when I was 16, my brother has cognitive disabilities, and my sister is married and moved to another city, and so at the age of 27 I still have to help manage the household and provide support for my family (physical and emotional), whilst also working, maintaining hobbies, selfcare and friendships. I'd say my mum has religious OCD, but is not willing to seek help. This has manifested in constant criticism of my 'sins', as well as her own self-deprecation. I feel like a child trapped in an adult's body. The pressure is insurmountable. I feel immense pressure to marry, but I am not ready for that yet, and not sure when I will be, due to the abuse and trauma I faced as a child. I want to live my own life independantly, but who will look after my family if I leave?

[@snailart9214]

I'm mixed up but mostly Hispanic. I guess I'm 3rd gen but we've always lived in intergenerational households. Still live with my grandma!! This is pretty normal, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad. You all collectively save money, and help each other with food and chores. It's good for everyone. And you're never alone.

[@YasmeenCheM]

I also moved back with my parents after 7 years being away from home for school and work. At first, I stressed myself out trying to find a new job quick, so that I could move out and not be a burden to my parents until they told me that they liked having me at home (because all of my other siblings have moved out for school and work too). It didn't occur to me that they felt lonely and missed their children, so I decided to stay for now. The time I have now is for my parents, and that's okay

[@ye23.]

They have a term for parents like that. Its called “empty nesters”. Also as a muslim woman how were they so accepting of u moving out before marriage and for so long(7 years?!) im currently planning a move to a new country but i have yet to tell them and i feel immigrant daughter guilt for leaving them even if its just for a year or two….

[@YasmeenCheM]

@@ye23. Where I come from, it's not really strange for Muslim women to live apart from their parents without marrying first (especially when you're living and working in the city, whereas your family lives in the suburban/rural areas). And most of them live with housemates bc rent is not cheap, so we're not living ALONE alone hahah~ And I totally get where you're coming from. I have dreams of living abroad too, but thinking about the distance from family for an extended period of time breaks my heart, so I'm not ready to make the jump yet. I wish you the best of luck though and may Allah ease your journey!

[@burymebelowawillowtree9243]

Save your money, pretend you’re paying bills, rent and food as if living alone. Take chances to learn skills, study, build yourself mentally spiritually and financially. You have a great opportunity,

[@jumanahxb4087]

@@burymebelowawillowtree9243 my parents expect me to still contribute so I’m sacrificing my mental health + wallet 😭 I’m so glad I’m moving out

[@kishinumaayumi]

I never understood why the US expects literal highschool graduates to move out and live alone until I realised some people just move out but their rent is paid by their parents still which is more understandable

[@jaminwaite3867]

A lot of parents kick their kids out at 18

[@kishinumaayumi]

@@jaminwaite3867 yea but thats what Imean.. why? Sure some are just horrible larents but there is an hndwrlying cultural expectation for it

[@silverstarlight9395]

My boyfriend is 28 and living with his parents. He is white and both his parents are white. He loves living with them. When he visits me, he cooks for me so he's definitely more self-sufficient than I am, since the range of dishes I cook is pretty limited lol.

[@GenaLector]

Ukrainian kid here! I literally told most of my friends that I can't live with my mom and most said - oh, no way, your mom wasn't so bad! - so it's first time I meet people who see things same way I do.

[@komalmatai0911]

The elephant in the room has finally been addressed! Thank you! You spoke the truth on behalf of so many people.. It’s sad that we have to move out of our own homes to find freedom and discover ourselves. I really love where I am from but I had to move out 6 years ago to really live life on my own terms. Thank you for this video..

[@agees924]

This really resonates with me. I have conservative evangelical homeschool parents and I feel like the only people who can relate are women with immigrant parents. I know exactly what you are describing and it’s so helpful. None of my friends know what it’s like but they have the same mentality as what you experienced.

[@justchica3243]

Im latina and it’s culturally very normal for us to live with our family. I live away from home during the semester but when I came back I was immediately shocked by how poorly I felt l felt at home. And then I remembered why I wanted to go to school out of state to begin with. I agree that living away is very helpful

[@Ksahdia]

Same here, my parents didn't allow me to move out before marriage either. When I left that person they chose as my husband, I still wasn't allowed to live alone. My living alone with my little children, was somehow endangering their khandaan ki izzat they yelled, which I still don't understand. It's a strange way of thinking. The social circle of my parents made a huge problem out of my living alone with my children. It caused quite a stir, they treated me like I had committed some horrible crime like murder (by both leaving him and starting to live alone with my children). In recent years, white Dutch friends of my children were critical of them still living at home with me. My children are in their 20s now and we've been living separately for more than a year. When they were still living with me, they were made to feel like committing a crime too, meanwhile the costs of living alone are expensive and it's very difficult to find a home as a starter in the Netherlands as well. Even when you're not a starter, there are often long waiting lists for a home. I waited 17 years for my current home and I'm not a starter. It's unfair how much pressure is put on the generation of my children to do this and to do that. I wish people would leave each other alone, they don't know everything about the life and struggles of someone else, yet are quick to criticize and taunt.

[@miseendriste6337]

*hugs* I hope you have the best years of your life ahead

[@Ksahdia]

@@miseendriste6337 Thank you, that's so sweet of you! ❤

[@jabrayjay6679]

Such an interesting topic. We are an English/Jamaican Muslim family, so we don't have what would be considered traditional Muslim cultural practices. 2 of my grown children live at home and they basically do what they want lol, but they also pay towards rent and bills. I enjoy having their company!

[@tropicalermine]

I’ve lived alone since I was 18 because my mom moved out of the house and I had to keep the bills up. It was bittersweet. I was enduring my moms abuse for years and I was happy she left. Now that time has passed, distance really did make the heart grow fonder. I don’t really love spending large stretches of time with her because she is combative, but I appreciate her soft moments more and I see them more often, too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that not everybody (like me) has parents who treat them super well. Some parents were abusive during childhood and now that their children have left, they finally have time to reflect on their actions and heal themselves. I give my mom a lot of respect for slowly changing over the years, but I know it wouldn’t have happened if we kept clashing for years. I think if I lived in a different dimension with a two-parent household and a sober mother, I would totally want to live with her or my parents. But that was just never my reality. I guess I didn’t really move out, she did, and I just took over the rent, but it was surprisingly one of the best, most unprompted eras of personal growth I’ve ever had.

[@badbeachindustry1615]

I'm white , my mother adopted the "stay and help around the house till you're married" from other cultures. I ran away a few times before and after I was a adult . Because I was stressed out by my family. I think everyone should try and live on their own as a adult . Even just once for awhile and come back. Don't be afraid to go on vacations either because your family missing you will strengthen the relationships. I don't feel like a loser at all but I can't wait to have my own place. I want privacy and quiet. But paying rent and being a adult while being at home is helpful for you and your parents.

[@ChildfreeLiving]

Omg I came across this video randomly - and YES - as a child of immigrant parents I cannot agree more 😂 I moved out/back in a few times as I kept trying to get away from them. Lol - I now live in a different city to my parents and I actually have a much better relationship with them. The mental tax sounds so so spot on. 👏🏻 I was pressured into academia so much and didn’t naturally posses talent with it - so that was really tough. I’m the black sheep who broke the mould, did all the jobs which were deemed “failure” and moved away from family (unheard of) and now remain child free (even more unheard of!) This video hit different - thank you for sharing.

[@vikingsruleU]

Just turned 28 recently, and I am in this exact situation. I left my corporate job to pursue my own business, and my dad needs to understand that it takes some time to get the ball rolling. It doesn't help that I am the only one in my family to pursue the creative field. Of course, I could be doing more, but it's hard to be motivated when my family tells me to pursue another career. Also, it is hard for my dad to understand how hard it is to survive in this economy. Our generation and the ones after being put in this hole from the start and expected to climb out of it with ease. I know I will get to where I want to be, but my accomplishments would feel greater if my family supported my career choice. Thank you for posting this video. I needed this so bad.

[@Ricky1755]

This such an important conversation to have and something I am going through now. I take a lot of comfort knowing I’m not alone with this

[@rummiiis6667]

I really needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing, makes me feel so much better! Can you also do a video on how we are stuck on comparisons, how we as a society are kind of forced to compare one another because of social media.

[@scareglare]

This is the most relatable video I've ever felt to on KZbin. Wow. And I watch HOURS of YT per day!! Just...you're like on another level...I feel so represented here in SO many different ways...thank you tazzyphe

[@SM-gz8lr]

I have 5 siblings and am the 2nd oldest. I moved out for work in 2019, but moved back in 2021 to telecommute full time to be closer to family. It’s been a tough transition, being one of the older siblings still at home and feeling the weight of caring for my parents and the household, as well as trying to be there for my 2 younger siblings still at home. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling the pressure to get married (I’m 26), but I don’t want to lose this precious time I have with my parents. Part of me feels like I’ll just never leave, and I constantly miss my little life I cultivated when I moved out.

[@ye23.]

Youre 26 relax you got time

[@auroramothergoddess]

Same. I’m 27 and I have to worry about not them. I want to live for myself and live my own life but feels like I Can’t because I feel obligated to help my parents in the household (also financially) and I am pretty much their retirement plan. It’s like how the hll do I have time and the energy to find a husband when I’m consumed with my family. It’s depressing honestly

[@auroramothergoddess]

@@ye23. not in this world. Society does not like women especially older women

[@ye23.]

@@auroramothergoddess 26 is not an older woman 😂 relax

[@auroramothergoddess]

@@ye23. according to men it is. Also western society looks down on anyone still living at home after 18

[@tutsdgn4809]

Love these videos Tasneem. I agree with you about how babying your grown sons/daughters doesn't really benefit them in the long run. Need a nice balance between providing and teaching life skills. Also loving your look in this video, blue is your colour 🥰 love from the UK ! ❤️

[@CooktoCope]

So good to see you Tazzy.I started watching your tube when I was an undergrad and have been watching since. I would love to see you revive the ThursPhe series. And I miss those challenges which you used to do e.g the accent challenge with your friends and the tin can challenge.

[@anaistres3359]

Thankfully for five years I was able to live on my own and it helped me develop SO much, I'm currently living with my parents again until I'm able to move out. I'm not big on the idea of marriage, so my option is to make enough money that essentially buys my freedom (LOL, that sounds so harsh). Yet, there are clear perks of being where I am today. So, I just take it as it comes.

[@miriamali_]

On point!! I really needed to hear this!

[@jessaabraham]

Living with parents and in laws is not the best thing. You will never have the freedom as an adult. Many of my friends are adult babies who instantly are ready to give adult advice. But if they even have the cold they need their mamas

[@luluah1198]

Lol yes but in my experience my brothers are this way . Not myself or my sis . The boys are treated like kings they don’t do anything

[@zamihah7078]

needed to hear this out!

[@wisaladam]

I found you through the suggested videos and I'm so glad ! I recently moved out too and it has improved my mental health so much ( I also did a video on it) . Please keep it up! Just subbed! ❤

[@saharsbn]

What a diverse comment section. Beautiful to see such open discussion ❤️

[@monsev.arellano9125]

In Latino communities, living with parents until your late 20s is very common. Especially in California where the rent keep getting more and more astronomically priced 😞 Moving out as soon as you turn 18 is almost considered an insult to Latino parents, making it seem like you want to get away from them (since Latino families are commonly very close-knit) I think I'm California, in general, it's becoming more normalized for young adults to still live with their parents regardless of cultural background.

[@glimmeringsea5105]

Very true!!!

[@icequeen7025]

You nailed every point this made me feel so much better ❤

[@hadiyaghumman3945]

your perspective on this is very enlightening and mature, i love how you were able to recognize both sides of the coin rather than sticking to your own. i’m currently struggling with this myself, and i constantly find myself looking at things only from my own point of view, rather than tryin to understand where my parents come from and their background. i would love to here more advice you had for people regarding setting boundaries when living with parents and creating a healthy relationship with them if you don’t have the option to move out

[@hadiyaghumman3945]

i also find it interesting that we see moving out as a step for independence, and a way to actually create a healthier relationship with our parents when back then (in our culture) many people would live with their parents but they still had relatively healthy relationships

[@bootsmade4walking]

Yes! It can get super complicated when you are an adult child living at home (low-income fam) but are also a primary breadwinner 😅

[@fimi3]

I have the same issue. You'd think that being the breadwinner, your opinions would matter but nope. Not only are we being taxed for our mental health, but also our savings too 🥺

[@bootsmade4walking]

@@fimi3 May Allah grant you ease ♥

[@fimi3]

@bootsmade4walking ameen thanks ❤

[@erincan1974]

thats funny, my parents dont even need money, but my dad is always saying i need to give him money. work for him wtf lol

[@gravity-blue]

I moved out when I was 18 years old. Lived in a large apartment with 3 other girls 3-5 years older than me. My parents paid for the rent and my tuition and school supply fees were fully covered by a scholarship. From my perspective, as an American who took this path, I see a lot of non-Americans shaming this choice and assuming that people who move out of the house young have a poor relationship with their parents or will dump them in a retirement home. This isn't true at all - I wish there was more respect and less over-generalizations on both sides

[@x80WildCat08x]

The generalizations are there for a reason. If by non Americans you mean ethnic and by Americans you mean white, then you should know that there is a cultural difference as well. Americans like to live in an “I” culture where as ethnics live in a “we” culture. The bonds and ties ethic people have with their families seem stronger than whites. I see that all the time as well in care homes. At times both the cultures seem extreme but an observation is still an observation.

[@gravity-blue]

@@x80WildCat08x First of all, you non-Americans need to get it in your head that the country is not 100% white. I'M American and I am not white. I'm black and my people built this country more than any European, Asian, or Latino. So do. not generalize Americans as "whites" - we are not all white. Secondly, family is very important in the African American community. Just because I chose to move out doesn't mean I don't care about my family and vice versa. I'm just more independent than the average non-American my age. You guys don't know anything about the US, you just watch movies and TikTok and create dumb assumptions about the different cultures here.

[@hannest1996]

Not true. The bonds are usually toxic. You were just fed the stats. Let’s not generalize here

[@x80WildCat08x]

@@gravity-blue you could have prefaced it by saying you’re ✨black American✨. And, I would have understood that my comment may not have applied to you since I know that family is a big aspect in black culture. Also, I don’t live in America, nor do I have or use tik tok. My education doesn’t rely on the American curriculum nor do I get my information from “movies”. You seem very angry, I hope you find peace.

[@gaiagyal]

@@x80WildCat08x And you could have ✨not assumed✨ they were White just because they’re American 😒. Nothing in this persons original comment warranted them disclosing that they are Black, you just jumped to conclusions so you could make your “point” instead of simply asking them if they, in fact, were White. It’s easier to NOT assume something so clearly asinine than it is to demand the world cater to your senseless sensibilities. They might “seem angry”, but you clearly are stupid 🫠

[@pinar8735]

In Regards to cooking, what I realized is when you get married you have to get used to new appliances and portions for a smaller family. It's like learning to cook all over again lol. At least that was my experience. Really enjoy your content.

[@silverstarlight9395]

Not necessarily. I'm in a relationship. I prepare my food and my partner prepares his food.

[@seun_the_great0]

Thank you for this video!

[@saism4570]

Great video Tazzy!

[@devikak.7269]

Loved this video!!

[@khadijabouyaouzaneouali3150]

Thank you for this ❤

[@ibrahimm2012]

As a only child , who moved abroad for studies I lived 5 years of my life with out my family. And this year it’s was possible to live with them . We have to understand that our parents grew up in a very different culture and environment then we have . But they are the only people who I can count on in a heart beat . I am the financial breadwinner but still the authority will be my dad . Because that’s his role . A boss is always a boss .❤😂

[@KatM272]

Thank you tazzy, I’m Colombian and I reallt relate to this

[@097jupiter]

it's funny that this popped up on my yt rec cuz i was just thinking about this earlier... but more so i've come to accept this is my reality-- that i'm 25 and still living at home and plan to still live at home until i graduate univeristy and find a better paying job (honestly, i'm more embrarrased about the fact that i'm 25 and havent graduated yet😩 but it is what it is). there's also an added layer of difficulty cuz i live with my grandparents and my mom who have conflicting expectations of me...

[@okikiconsulting]

Speaks to my soul!

[@sytharsenal]

You have noidea how much better you just made me feel. Kudos

[@GlutenCurious]

I can totally relate! I love the way you talk about things! Do you ever wish that you moved out earlier?

[@Elaronna]

I'm glad I saved this video to my watch later list. My current situation at home is horrendous now as much as I have tried to suppress by ignoring and forgetting everything that has been done and said to me - I have completely reached my breaking-point. The irony is growing up in an African household made me completely ignorant towards the topic of mental health. I accepted the belief that whenever mental health was mentioned all it must equate to is being "mentally disturbed" or displaying like lunatic behvaiours. Yet as of now I am the most unattached from my feelings, myself, and those I genuinely love. I have engaged in toxic behaviours of self-harm and couldn't seem to stop self-sabotaging all most anything and everything in my life that I cared about. From myself, and people who were so worried about me and genuinely wanted to help, but I was so wrapped up in the idea that because I am being treated badly at home - I don't deserve kidness, love or to be anything nor create anything for myself. Plus the things I wanted to aspire to become or at least attempt to dip my feet in to test the waters of self-discovery. I have held myself back so much that I eventually stopped going to college and picking myself up to work towards my goal of moving out by 19. I am currently 18 and turning 19 this August. I have self-sabotaged towards the point where I ignored and suppressed even physical pain from my own lack of good physical health. Of course there was a point where I acknowledged it, however instead of confiding in the right people, I chose to confide in the wrong person (my mother) who complete shutdown me down instantly and told me "You've never been a child was born with illness. there are kids and teens too, who have SERIOUS illnesses. How could you have any real stomach issues." Clearly insinuating that I am flat-out lying about being physically unwell, which didn't help because I stupidly accepted this and now my health is so dire and only of early December last year could I finally build up the guts to book an appointment with a doctor and have the confidence to actually go. Another perpotrator in my house is my older sister, she is literally the epitome of a bully. She is so obsessed with keeping up with tabs of everything I say or do and even having interest it. She critiques behind the scenes by sitting on the phone yelling about me and making me the topic of discussion in almost every conversation she has. She encourages my mum to believe the most stupidest things about me. She stirs up so much drama from twisting my words and everyone at home (my mum and my little sister - who is only one year apart from me, she is 17.) is fooled by it. I no longer value what they think of me but it's still so hard to stay convinced that I am a human being and deserve to think kindly of myself. I have enrolled in a college again and have my last meeting for my IT course and it is the only thing that I know will save me from suffering with worries of "not having a good career". I was a lot more passionate to pursue computing. But I am grateful I am able to find one that is nearer to me anyway. Thankful for God really. To summarise it's just really hard to convince myself I'm not a loser because I've never seen or heard of anybody from a toxic and abusive household like that mine that they've been through anything similar. Or perhaps it's just my ignorance speaking and I feel as if everyone has a one-up against me when it comes to prospering because they actually have help and life-long support from very real company who plan on staying. I do love those who have shown their concerns about me, but I truly do feel like I cannot rely on anybody enough to be able to understand my perspective ever again - since a friend made a really insensitive comment about my situaion, basicaully uplfiting one of my abusers at least that's just how it felt. It hurts to feel so alone but I hope I can return to this video this August to update my comment and somehow say I've completed altered my situation and am in a better place. On a more positive note... this video is inpsiring thank you so much for sharing!

[@chouchounah]

I wish you the best. Most African and African parents think that mental health is a "white think". I'm glad you went to see a doctor and I hope he/she will direct you to a specialist. Hang in there.

[@nitrofairywing1541]

It's a lot of layers and a lot of different circumstances, I remember when I was growing up my dad I guess was old school and was like his kids are gonna move out at 18, but knowing how America is, moving out at 18 is not possible for many people, it's not like we are still in the 80's, the 90's 70's where the economy was different, it may have been possible a little more in decades such as those but tbh, it's more financially stable to save while you live with your parents provided that your environment is supportive and loving enough that your okay with being an older person and living with lots of family like that. Because unfortunately there are a lot of people that would rather be homeless than live with family, I those cases the family has failed them a lot of times unfortunately. You could be 34 and something happens and maybe you have to move back in with your parents, cause life happens, and nothing can stop it from doing so. You could even have families that live together, multiple kids that are more than able to move out but they want to be with family, they choose to be with their parents or their ssiblings, everybody. I wasn't born to immigrant parents but I can tell you that at one point I did feel low because I guess society says that I'm supposed to be out of the house, pay rent, everything by like 19 or 20, I saw others who were able to do that and I saw where I was and felt like I failed at everything. I'm 24 now and I have older people telling me that "Your a baby, what are you worried for? You have a lot of life to still live." and I have learned that those words are right.

[@bootsmade4walking]

MashaAllah love this make-up and scarf color on you girl! And I enjoyed hearing your perspective on this topic :]

[@HELLinaaaa]

A large majority of attitudes in my own life towards those living at home is more jealousy than looking down upon them. Many of us wish we had a relationship with our families to feel comfortable and safe living at home. American parents do push the “you’re out when you’re 18” and most of us didnt really want to/weren’t ready to leave.

[@Imbatmn57]

My mom was surprised to find out that kids now a days live with their parents well into their 30s, meanwhile i was only able to move out because she helped me so much to get a house, i thought it was common knowledge that kids stay with their parents for longer but i guess not. And where i live its cheaper to get a mortgage than 1000 dollars in rent.(non immigrant)

[@free-palestine000]

Wow talk about perfect timing. i really like how you mentioned kids that have to be a major contributor to the household once we get a job.. I feel like our experience is often overlooked and many people think we’re saving money when in reality it costs nearly the same. my mental health unfortunately is affecting my relationship with Allah. trying my best to stay afloat ❤

[@theupgraded6558]

Girl you’re so funny 🤣 and the statements are not even exaggerated

[@Mrunknown-od1jw]

my favorite desi youtuber is you i really enjoy these videos

[@ahsanamohsin2468]

You're so real for making this video

[@SilVia-hs2kb]

I am also not only the child of immigrants but an immigrant myself since i was not born in the USA. My parents were super strict, expected me as the oldest to take of my younger sibling and were massive narcissists. Coming from a culture where parents can't be questioned for anything can harbor some massive imbalance of power that also shifts into abuse if they are mentally ill like mine were. I was also asked to pay $350 dollars a month in rent after i turned 18. I moved out at 21 and my first apt cost me $650, 20 years ago, So, for an extra $300 a month i was a free woman. I never went back, and another 8 or 10 years later i would become fully estranged with zero contact. I don't think any of this happened because were were immigrants. I think this happened because my parents are toxic narcs. My biggest relief in life is that i live in the USA, where this can be diagnosed for what it really is. A lot of abuse goes unchecked under the guise of "i really just want the best for you" , and a lot of micro aggressions under , "i;m only saying this for your own good". I am 44 now, happily married and content with my life, but i did spend a major part of my adult life recuperating from my childhood.

[@mehwishnosheen8693]

Girl u got a glow up, like u r looking really fresh or something else Ican pick but can't put it in words, cz I'm here after sm time nd immediately noticed this. May b u r more stable emotionally, or u r being more grounded, ur energy is different nd calm

[@Sasha-K]

I’m 32 and still live with my Caribbean parents. Everything that was stated in this video is so true.

[@VedJoshi..]

This is interesting because it feels like because of the Pandemic, this whole perception about living with your parents changed drastically for Gen Z (my generation). But, it seems for younger Millennials, the typical American stigma about living with your parents past college remains? Anyways thanks for this one, it def is awesome to have someone wise and relatable like you on KZbin

[@brwnhilarybanks9953]

because I mean if you're grown it's natural to question why you can function on your own without your parents. Its still here in America but the age changed. people don't say 18, now its 28,29. simply because it's so close to 30.

[@nigelhenriques1298]

This video came at a scarily serendipitous time lol

[@wingberry123]

I'm Asian, and my parents would keep me forever if they could. Anyway, I forced myself to move out to another country at 28 because I was afraid that if I didn't do it then, I would've delayed it some more. I love them, but I wanted to learn to be independent.

[@OummiJerusalem]

You look so pretty in this hijab! Loved the video. I actually kind of went through the opposite being a convert living with European parents. It was like I was the strict one trying to live with "modern" people lol.

[@ruminationstation4200]

I'm white as snow, like 4th generation American, and I'm living at home and quite like it tbh. I think I would be very lonely living alone, and it's nice knowing I am there in the rare instance my mom needs help

[@MikuHatsune159]

I would leave the house to avoid the constant nagging and mental tax of being with my parents. But at the same time my income range wouldn't be enough to cover anything for more than a single year where I live.

[@halima4621]

Being in my late twenties and living with my Somali dad is challenging. It can be nice though because I can save money. Mental health definitely gets sacrificed though jk. It's not that bad but after living alone I miss my privacy and alone time.

[@Cash4Fruit]

I really needed this video today after my mom told me to go marry a rich old man, and was harassing me all day. we live in the San Francisco Bay area and I am studying to be an accountant , soon, I can provide for myself. oh and I forgot to mention I am already married, my husband recently moved to his home country of India until I finish my degree so that we can save money on rent. my mom does not approve of the marriage so just doesn’t acknowledge it at all. Being second generation means having parents who are thinking about survival while I am trying to integrate with intellectual people who don’t think that way constantly.

[@urbanpineapple6427]

I recently moved out against my immigrant parents' wishes so this video helped a lot :')

[@iimimat]

Love you tazzy.

[@amandeepvirk7989]

Love this video! You seem like a fab woman! 🙂

[@arbuklendiniz]

i am 28 single and still living with my parents I actually love their company even if I would have the money to move out I woundn't I love them and they are old so I like to take care of the household

[@josephinakeam6197]

I can't really relate to this video, but I found it interesting & wish you all the best.

[@KS-cl8br]

Really important for a man to live alone before marriage so he can grow up. Also not good to live with either sets of parents if you are a married couple.

[@silverstarlight9395]

A woman should also live alone as soon as she turns 18 so that she can grow up.

[@notgonnaargue8986]

Living alone does not magically make a person learn how to grow up. There's plenty of immature adults living alone.

[@silverstarlight9395]

@@notgonnaargue8986 at least they'll know how to pay their bills, assemble furniture, deal with landlords/letting agents/bank etc. You know, standard grown-up things!

[@wonhur885]

Intriguing, i always knew there was more to life and i have also been looking for a way to find not only protection but a way to be influential to the human society.

[@wonhur885]

oh well you can achieve that by being a part of the illuminatus brotherhood, i know it sounds like a mystery but there are ways you can actually get in contact with them

[@wonhur885]

@Rose Allen well it is not and you can't actually expect it to be open to everyone, but if you want to know more you can look up Wilford Robert Taylor online you will find something interesting

[@neo5kali]

I think it's a good thing that adult kids live with their parents. Just way too expensive to live alone. At least you're safe and can save some money. Don't be ashamed. Also, a good think if you can help your parents with cleaning and chores.

[@IbnSaifi]

Get your parents on camera for a discussion on this... would be interesting

[@NadiaPink]

Hey sis I lived at my parents home until I was 30 years old. Then moved out with my husband. I am Ethiopian. The mental tax I paid most definitely 😂

[@user-pn7wg1zb9q]

Thank u.

[@astrid5126]

My problem is "our house our rules" = rules for my LIFE and not just home rules. I love my parents and I don't want to leave, but I secretly am not Muslim. It's the one thing where if I go against their wishes I honestly don't know what they would do. I wish I had confidence that I could be independent. I'm an adult baby in that I rely on my parents so much for everything. I don't know if I could make it out there alone.

[@digimei2143]

back in 2020, age 29 , i was forced to move back to my parents house due to covid and lost my job because of that , i felt embarrased now im back livign on my own in my favourite city.

[@redsunflower8999]

Coming from large Muslim immigrant family, all I have ever wanted was my own space but we can’t leave our parents house until we are married because it is seen as disrespecting/abandoning/dishonoring your parents/family members, especially for girls. It is so frustrating because I just want some alone time.😏

[@silverstarlight9395]

What if you never find a boyfriend and never get married? You can't possibly live with your parents into your 50s.

[@trashlover3495]

ok not related but i LOVE your make-up and hijab color in this video

[@davedavidson2643]

This relates so much to me as a Pakistani with immigrant parents :(

[@cheekykitten25]

See your parents as much as possible 🙏 My advice as someone married at age 19. Alhamdulilah nearly 18 years being married. It is such a thoughtful provoking video. And it made me cry and miss my mum a lot 😢

[@cheesewithxbread]

Highest rates of living with parents correlates with higher cost of living. The cheaper the area, the less likely to live with parents. That being said, I see nothing wrong with it as long as you're pulling your end. Both of cousins lived at home until their 30's, and are both homeowners of million dollar homes. In fact nearly half of American households are multigenerational, and globally it's pretty normal to live with parents until you're married.

[@Rinniantoinette]

Im a millennial living with my mother but we have a good relationship. Plus why would I pay for my own place when it’s probably going to be empty most of the time. Also why pay a stranger when I can help pay the bills in our home. We do clash sometimes like any other families but it’s never something deep

[@zubabee]

My parents take half my pay check from my big boy job, AND they don’t let me do what I want ever! I’m 23 years old and something needs to change, any suggestions?

[@NK-ht3fo]

Lovely video

[@Sofiarey285]

I don’t share the experience of living at home with immigrant parents, but I would like to offer some words to those feeling pressure from society or maybe just self-comparison. I am not an immigrant, I was born and live in the US, I moved out as soon as I could, but not because I was young and wise with a lot of money. There was nothing at home for me. When I see instances of older children living with parents, I think it’s nice the adult child has parents that have something to offer. To anyone feeling stress about this, I would think it’s similar to comparing yourself to the smartest kid in class. You feel dumb, but you don’t know that the smartest kid repeated the class twice before. There are two sides to the coin. If living with your parents is the best thing for you, do it. Try not to feel bad about it; this is just the reality at this time.

[@Penseesmodestes]

I just wanted to say to you Tazzy that you are aging like a "fine wine" (I'm muslim but I don't know what other saying to use ^^) you're looking more and more gorgeous each video Allahumma barik

[@aymenmalik6752]

Adult babies 😂harsh but true…it is like that sometimes…can’t wait to move out

[@Maria-gd4vf]

love this look machallah

[@alezandradavila2581]

Girl same I’m Puerto Rican

[@mism2897]

Where is the clip from the beginning of the video?

[@richardfloridaman]

Bosnian-American here, first generation American with immigrant parents and we get married and move out after we're married!