the truth about the loneliness epidemic

[@Iam_Celene]

Everything has become extremely transactional and more self centered so everyone is always thinking about what they can get instead of pouring into others first.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

factsss

[@Gigi-rl2hl]

That's bc when you are kind people take it for weakness. They take advantage of you.

[@8cyl6speed]

if you do it more, others reciprocate more but you definitely have to put 10 in the world to get 1 back

[@gillmsnfillman1691]

When has that not been the case. As time has moved on, we’ve just become more efficient at not needing to “play the game” and I’m all for it!

[@OzSpud72]

To All the lonely souls out there : In the silence of the night, I weep, For memories lost, and dreams I keep. A shadowed heart, a soul so bare, Loneliness whispers, it’s always there. Empty rooms and hollow halls, Echoes of laughter, now just walls. A love once bright, now fades away, In the darkness, I lose my way. Tears fall like rain, a constant ache, In this solitude, my heart does break. Loneliness, a cruel, unending stake, Leaving me with nothing but heartache.

[@ddbajoingus]

Honestly I feel like having a couple of super close friends is just a trope like an "American dream" thing cause in I think that in reality most people just have 1 friend

[@prrsun]

Really?

[@ddbajoingus]

@prrsun I feel like media portrays kids as having a huge group of friends but in practice it's usually just 1 or 2 that are consistently there

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

totally, this is the reality for most young people in 2024

[@IshtarNike]

I dunno that I'd agree. When you say a couple are you speaking figuratively and meaning like 5 and up? Or do you literally mean that having two friends is super unusual and it's just one? Because I agree with the other commenter who said that having loads of close friends is a TV thing that's unusual. That's definitely true. But I'd say having 2 or 3 isn't that unusual.

[@lorddj9910]

Definitely not the case lol

[@GIADALAZ]

I feel like many people see big friend groups on social media or around them and think “I should have that”, which causes them to seek that with anyone. I think this partly explains why some believe they have no “real” friends because they’re only friends with people for the reason of not being alone. I think we should all learn to be accepting of our genuine and authentic selves so we can create and experience better connections with others around us.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

love this

[@SeventhThunder7]

I thought of this as being the opposite, I have a group of friends who I sometimes hang out with, but they barley acknowledge my existence. Like if im a third wheel or something. I wholeheartedly value true friends to the core and would have been satisfied with at least one good friend.

[@akumar7366]

Iam very shy and struggled making freinds, luckily I met my wife who made me a better person.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

🥹

[@HaleyMary]

That part of not being in the right environment is so spot on. I think that's my problem with not being able to make really good close friends. I'm very much a nerd and like comedy, poetry, acting, monologues, writing, biking, ufos, the paranormal. While I do have some friends at open mic nights where I do comedy, I don't feel like those friends are very close because a lot of them don't take their music, comedy seriously. Also a lot of them drink and smoke and I don't drink alcohol or smoke at all. just drink soda water all evening. I find the people I connect with the most in spiritual groups and in acting groups are all online in other countries. It's difficult to connect with anyone where I live. The sad thing about not being in the right environment is it also makes it difficult to meet a partner.

[@Vanika.2002]

Same 😢 Btw we have many things in common ❤

[@ddanielsmc]

It's a shame as I have a friend who'd fit right in with your interests but he's not where you live. Perhaps, it's time to make a community somewhere where like-minded people can reside and follow their passion.

[@aaronaustrie]

I swear this is so relatable 🤦🏾‍♂

[@kalissahsu8]

My KZbin fyp knows me too well

[@motherlee20]

my fyp feels bad for me😭

[@kalissahsu8]

@@motherlee20Girl same lol

[@Ant_105]

Theres no such thing as a youtube fyp

[@ddanielsmc]

Please don't get sucked into a negative cycle. The KZbin fyp and algorithm will feed on your anxieties. Stay positive. Have faith in yourself and others. Life involves taking risks.

[@j.h8758]

you give me so much hope, you make me feel like things can actually improve😭

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

they totally can, i believe in you

[@hannahz6418]

omg I am SO guilty of preempting rejection and I never even realized it. you are a genius!

[@badbabybear1]

Most people nowadays aren't worth trying to connect with. Focus on you and your interests and learn to be at peace with your solitude. Don't be afraid to explore and enjoy life solo.

[@lordzooq8987]

This is why y'all lonely 🤣

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i think you can have a balance between this mindset, and finding the right people you can fall into the trap of seeking friendships from an insecure place and needing them to validate you, but there's the other trap of isolating yourself bc you think no one is good enough to be your friend. we need connection as humans to thrive, it's tough in this day and age but your people are out there, they might take a while to find (very common) and when you become friends you might not see them everyday/week (also very common) but we're not built to be alone 😢 our people will find us and we will find them, but there's no rush to get there

[@Montross11]

Yea, hell is other people

[@GawdTy]

World gives you what you expect.

[@m.j.5395]

Fair point, good logic, awesome not basic pfp there.

[@comeconcon569]

It's very simple; people don't care about each other anymore.

[@rural_girl555]

THANK YOU!! This is the first ever KZbin video that doesn't blame me or make me feel some shame for having little to no friends despite so years of struggling to make friends and ending up being alone wherever I am. most other vids just say "maybe the problem is you and that's why you have no friends" and "stop blaming outside circumstances, focus on yourself" but I've never heard anyone say that im just in the wrong environment with the wrong people because I've always felt that ick inside me that something about my surroundings isn't right, but somehow im wrong for feeling that way. also because im neurodivergent and fit in almost nowhere in my country or even the world. this vid makes me feel seen

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i'm glad this made you feel seen, you aren't the problem, your circumstances and environment play a huge role in how you show up, it all plays a part

[@Starfiretv444]

As a gen z everything is transactional nowadays jealous and envy goes through the roof social media opinions have messed up peoples perceptions of normal. Say the wrong thing you’re cut off you post to much on social media you’re cut off ( they don’t need to be harmful post ) I stopped public high school all 4 years and stayed online it’s very lonely I’ve only had 2 true friends who truly stayed with me over the years. Just fyi to everybody reading this if somebody was truly your friend you wouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells with them worried to say or post the wrong thing. Even wear or be honest with them about positive things going on in your life.

[@xChronyx]

thank you christina for posting this cus this is literally me lol😭always fearing rejection, always thinking ppl are looking at me like they think im weird, always feeling to shy to say anything bc i think ill say something cringe. I neeeed more self confidence and this really helps ty!

[@Sarah-rj3fh]

I just struggle with conversation because I don’t wanna say something stupid or ignorant or not really important so I avoid saying anything. I’m also scared of rejection, I always think in my mind that they might reject me because I’m boring or weird so I end up isolating myself. And I don’t catch up really often with some friends I’ve made in highschool so it doesn’t help. All these reason makes a really deadly combo and I kind of feel hopeless. I know that it’s a bad habit and I should stop but it’s a vicious circle. Right now, I just want to stop defining myself as boring or stupid because it’s just negative reinforcement that I say to myself again and again and again. That being said, your video helped me I think I also shout myself way too much not only because of the reason said earlier, also because I’m hoping to find a soulmate in term of friendship,it’s always good to be more open-minded. It’s still difficult putting myself off there. I hope I eventually overcome that.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i hope this gave you a new perspective. i definitely used to feel this way, it passes eventually give yourself time 🙏🏽 i promise you won't feel this way forever

[@davedsilva]

I'm a traditional, older, tall man. You seem interesting and, more importantly, safe to me, and my kind. I hope that gives you confidence. Something to keep in mind is we men assume good women succumb to the mean girls and go bad by 25, faster if they go to college due to the prowling, disquised hate groups eventually finding you, no joke.

[@nathanielbables8652]

This is the perfect video for me right now. 30 year old going to school and working a full-time nightshift in Dallas Texas.

[@LOMAS-xt3th]

This is perfect timing. I just entered university and I have no idea how to make friends or socialize in general with anyone. I literally just freeze and watch my phone all the time like if I look someone in the eye they're going to eat me or smth but I can't help it, it just happens so naturally to me that I can't make it stop. I guess very deep down and even if I hate to admit it, I do fear rejection and my self-esteem is basically non existent. That and I'm also very picky with people so it's really difficult for me to find people who I genuinely want to befriend and be smth serious and not just an acquaintance. Honestly, Idk if I'll ever find "my people" or anyone who will respect and care about me really and it sucks because I'do anything for a true friend or someone I can connect with.

[@hummingbird4934]

It’s important to recognise people’s differences and appreciate them. Everyone wants someone like them but that’s not realistic. We’re all different and that’s how we learn from others

[@ericad8412]

I feel like I will never connect with anyone fully

[@aaronaustrie]

same!

[@manishapratap935]

I didn't realize this is the video I needed. You touched upon each and every deep-rooted feeling I've had surrounding this issue. I feel so much better after listening to you, knowing that I have a new path forward in how to approach friendships. Thank you, Christina ❤

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

always here

[@userfum]

unfortunately your videos are relatable to me

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

the unfortunately is killing me 🤣

[@disasterxdeath]

A lot of people don’t know how to enjoy their own company. People just in relationships and friendships just because they don’t want to be alone

[@Kronorath]

Yup just all alone in our own private hell. What's the point of contributing to society of we are all alone lol

[@disasterxdeath]

@@Kronorath just because your alone time is private hell doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. It’s not nobody fault but yours. Plus you go everywhere without having anyone with you all the time. It’s called enjoying your own peace. Clearly you can’t do that

[@queendomcentral2235]

Since I found this channel, I have been watching every video trying to see what I can implement to make friends and be better. I've also watched a ton of similar videos, but I don't see anything helping. I am convinced that I am a people repellent, and I will always be lonely

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

sounds like things haven't gone your way queen

[@nicolesherman8974]

Not me getting ate up 🥲.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

doing what i do best 😈

[@nobodythenobody9779]

Ate out ? What ? 😂 What does this mean ate up, why y'all keep making up new ways of saying stuff

[@ヴェロニカ-e3b]

tbh the more I use tiktok, the more I'm not surprised there are so many of us who are lonely. if everything is toxic, everything is a dealbreaker and every time you see a toxic behavior you're expected to break things off, there's no chance you won't end up lonely it brainwashes us to that point even I, despite trying all my best not to feel that way, I keep overthinking others' behavior and I even feel fear once someone does sth even slightly bad or just not okay. we forget humans are humans, we all act toxic sometimes, we all make mistakes and none of us is perfect, all of us have some flaws and annoying af habits or behavior. unless you learn to accept some of them and learn your boundaries (and how to have healthy and realistic boundaries), you will neither find a partner nor a friend and you'll end up cutting your family off because a perfect human simply doesn't exist

[@SQeesqEE-gh3uz]

I’ve always felt like I wouldn’t be able to connect with another person the way I connect with my mom. I’ve always been kinda self conscious about it, that my mom is the #1 person that I believe is meant to be my best friend & completely understand me. She’s my family, so I’m sure that plays into it, but it scares the fuck out of me that when she dies (I’d like to die first… but that’d be wrong for her) I will be 100% entirely alone. Without anyone who truly understands me and that’s absolutely terrifying to me

[@potentnyquil]

Social media is definitely to blame. I remember when Myspace was coming up and I was really young and I took a peek on it and immediately felt like a loser. Yeah the people on it were older than me but I couldnt picture myself doing any if that stuff like taking pics and getting drunk

[@FromChaosToOrder-iz9wb]

The last few generations have been taught they were so special that everything would come to them.

[@IshtarNike]

16:27 I cannot emphasise enough how it's important to look into common neurodiverse conditions like autism and ADHD for yourself. Like if you've been struggling socially or at work for years and you have no idea why, these things are often what's behind it. Like no joke. Historically people would only get diagnosed if the conditions affected their learning or behaviour at school, so a lot of people with milder symptoms never got diagnosed. But when you get older the issues can become worse because of the increasing demands of work and life. Honestly, if you've always struggled in ways other people don't, check these things out. It may make all the difference in your life. It did for me.

[@JBBost]

Struggling with social isolation and this video did nothing to help. In fact, I left it feeling blamed for my own problems.

[@poptort2082]

Not being in the right environment is accurate. No way in hell I’m pulling a conversation in my town environment. Skatepark? Concerts? A breeze, problem lies in finding a partner idk where tf to look. I have a good amount of awesome friends so that helps a lot. I’m 22 btw.

[@Ms_Introvert_4_Life]

If I can find one genuine friend......

[@kiowah231]

Same.

[@irisssssssssssssssssss]

Christina your Chanel has helped me so much since I discovered it thank you !! Could you please make a video about how to distance yourself from toxic friends ?

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

that's a good idea

[@kayzeethecat9333]

Thanks for this important video

[@Erintii]

The truth is that social media are driving unrealistic expectations. I've met amazing ppl on a fan groups of books or games or history. But this is a part. We need to look around us. Ask coworker to a coffee and chat. Don't be a jerk who is too good to talk to others, too whatever and coworkers are not your friends. Coworkers are ppl also and who knows maybe they share your hobby of old-school cars? Talk to neighbors. Bake or buy a cake and say hello. If you know there is a eldery person living alone say hello and maybe offer help. No one is too busy to do groceries unless is stupid. But of course this is not fancy, this will not go to Instagram. This is the problem. Drinking a coffee is nothing big just a chance to talk to sb. Don't make expectations, don't assume too much. Just make a step.

[@chantalreneehayles7976]

I see my one friend like once a year or something but I send them memes like every other day so they know I’m alive 😂

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

those friendships >>>

[@lfglws]

8:07 I feel like at some point this could also turn into resentment, by thinking „Oh I‘m doing so much for them, I put so much effort in the friendship, and they do nothing“

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

1000%

[@ruthameyy]

It’s giving when your Bible reads you but a video 😭

[@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986]

I have absolutely no clue what this sentence means at all

[@jxliospeaks]

@@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986 100%

[@ruthameyy]

Basically when you read your Bible, it describes ur exact habits sometimes and highlights on specific things you are doing or you shld change, so it reads you if that makes sense and I am saying the vid is doing that same thing

[@magic_harmony]

I felt called out during this video lol, I didn’t have the words for it but I definitely preempt rejection when it comes to making plans because I’ll think “oh they’re probably busy” or “oh they would think I’m weird for bringing this up.” I need to work on noticing that and catching myself in those feelings 😅

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i did it for the longest time 😭

[@Useryoutube02847]

Unfortunately, everywhere you go isn’t a right environment even the ones that seems like a right environment. I guess you just have to fish for a golden fish in a pond full of piranhas.

[@furiousdestroyah9999]

When I meet somebody all I care about is whether I enjoy spending time with them or not. This has resulted in me finding only 1 such person in the span of 23 years. And the result of that was that I liked being with them but they didn't, so I'm back to 0

[@Aries73]

Eventually, everyone needs to drop the DSM-speak and just be humans again. We’re all overthinking this and losing ourselves the whole way through.

[@SMT-ks8yp]

I dropped out of one university and got into another. I'm 7 years older than everyone in my group and despite me being lonely since school and having it relatively easy without having to get a job and stuff I feel like they are boring, not me. They don't care about anything or at least don't show it. They come here to kill time, get grades (for nothing, because the uni has to report that everything is fine) and then get a paper which says that they know stuff (but they don't). Every time I try to talk about science or studying they reject it. And the teachers can encourage us to question one book while treating another as a holy scripture and invoking their age in an argument (that is if you are allowed to argue at all, because your rank of a student is too low for it). I hate this game of society because it's incredibly hypocritical and is all about appearance over substance. Maybe this is just because I'm bad at it. But maybe excessively caring about how you look is actually the norm, not the exception.

[@123495734]

i will continue to isolate myself socially

[@krembryle]

I feel like I'm not autistic because I don't struggle with reading people. I don't even remember ever learning consciously social cues a.k.a. masking. It's more like I had a really low self-worth since my childhood because my parents, caregivers didn't really love me and they avoided a lot of social events too, so I didn't have friends because I didn't feel good enough and didn't have a lot of social interaction from family too. So my inability to make friends is just natural consequence of my upbringing I think. Either way, I'm stuck developmentally and the older I get the worse I feel about the fact that no one loves me and probably never will. Just because I've never learned how to enjoy life.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

this is so interesting, thank you for sharing 🙏🏽 it's never too late i promise. you're not as 'behind' as you think. so many people feel the same, isolated, alone, socially deprived (just look at this comment section), there are so many people sharing the same feelings as you

[@nyar-or1yw]

Omg I can really relate to this, I essentially had the same upbringing and feel the same now. Always feeling behind my peers. Iv been on a self growth journey these past few years on my own and Iv learnt a lot about myself and others. I still have a lot to learn tho, especially when it comes to maintaining interest in social situations. I feel like once I am tired and have no energy to entertain I lose on opportunities to make connections. This tends to happen a lot. I go from extremes of being very socially aware to not caring anymore.

[@nord1756]

As someone who struggeled with feeling of loneliness for 3 years. My biggest fear was being neurodivergent.

[@BryerTheKing1]

People are just weak minded especially now days...

[@taniaavalos6199]

I always click on your video, love your content

[@DohertyT2319]

I would add to this people need to stop taking themselves so seriously we are all average in basic and we’re all really not that different

[@lamontevlogs]

you ain't gotta do me like that...old soul lmao s/o to my 30+ gang where ever y'all are at LOL 7:09

[@JulioZavala-e1d]

Can't make friends. Lower your standards and be more empathetic

[@liannapfister8255]

17:18 in another reality, this would mean you get an autism diagnosis

[@choc0heart5]

what do you mean?

[@liannapfister8255]

She said herself that it’s an autistic trait

[@NYKIKE]

I'm interested in your medical school journey. Do you have a video on that?

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i used to make youtube videos on it waaaaay back in the day lol maybe i'll touch on it more in a future q&a :)

[@krembryle]

Also, there's a lot less young people than there used to be, at least in western countries.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

yeah aging population

[@m.j.5395]

Most of my friends are older than me

[@davedsilva]

I'm a glamour photographer on the side. 18 to 20 year old women tell me they fantasize about marrying rich, older, tall, handsome men, however she prioritizes lonely goals despite the ratio of rich, older, tall handsome, men to 20-year-old women in the West being 10:1, so the rich, older, tall, handsome men are forced to PassportBro source virgins to marry. By the time the 20 year old woman is older, if decides she is lonely, all she has left is low value men to pump and dump her into more lonliness.

[@S1LVERGUITAR]

Ma’am…it is the middle of the week. You didn’t need to call me out like that on a Wednesday afternoon 😭

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

🤣

[@eliwurster5237]

The problems in this video can be solved by getting a dog

[@n8steez832]

lmao it’s only getting worse cuz this is slowly affecting the women now 🤣😭 let it burrrrnnnn

[@maryweather]

Omg, your mother's interests are the same as mine

[@freejae3884]

I don’t understand perceiving yourself as valuable simply for existing

[@TheSmark666]

i can haz friends?

[@icehuckyorkhawk7043]

you has one (1) fren

[@Bishook]

🍇

[@just_chancubi]

earlyyyyyy

[@Chainler]

Smh

[@Primetimeford]

Rather be solo than be around a bunch of snakes. Friends overrated, focus on yourself 1st

[@Turshin]

You started that eraly with your medical career? Wow. You must be very good in your field.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i started med school at 18, most people do in the UK

[@jess3361]

:)

[@OhNoIts33]

Why was such a large emphasis placed on personal success and achievement? Is it just to keep humble bragging about going to medical school or what

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

not humble bragging just sharing my story to anyone who may be able to relate

[@maryweather]

Omg, your mother's interests are the same as mine