Hey just wanted to say that it actually is a strength to have never been in a relationship ! I got my first bf at 19 (I know it's still young but at the time I though it was late because all of my friends had been in a relationship) and at first I was scared bc it wasn't his first. But I was lucky to find someone (and there are plenty) that was very gentle and understanding and my fears went away bc you catch up pretty quickly. Also all of my friends who got in a relationship earlier turned out to have some pretty toxic relationship or at least really bad with no communication etc... Actually taking some time to understand what makes a healthy relationship while you're single is an amazing strenght ! You're the famous "dating adviser who's never been in a couple" to your friends because you took the time to grow on urself, know a bit about what you want and understand what goes wrong in relationships. You got the external objective point of view. All of this helped me a lot with my own and it lasted 3 healthy years. So to all of you singles who struggle, take your time :) It's gonna happen eventually and you will have all the tools to deal with it.

These people aren't ugly? Are they okay oh my days

I like u cause u make me feel smart

When you are muslim, its a whole different story. The inexperienced the better?

I hope people realize that it’s not only societal pressure that makes you want a relationship, it’s also human instinct. Humans naturally want a “mate” so they can reproduce and continue to grow the population, it’s coded into us. (obviously some people are able to ignore it, or don’t have it at all) So don’t feel bad about your feelings, it’s natural 😊

To be honest I’ve just accepted that love may not be part of my fate. And I’m now comfortable with this reality and don’t think about it anymore.

3:10 She might want a relationship, but she might also be aromantic - unable to fall in love.

I'm a guy and I'm watching this

people just don’t know how to COMMUNICATE

I fully admit, my last ‘real’ relationship was 6 months..6-8 years ago. I’ll be 34 on Wednesday (12/25)

16:52 omg I feel like she’s exactly describing me and… I understand her - and she me - because most of the mentioned situations are SO relatable! I am so happy I came across this channel 🥹

🍇 :)

I just turned 30 I have never had a relationship.

i have been bullied ever since middle school so i was “normal” up until 6th grade. ive been told i’m ugly, i look like a horse, etc. throughout middle & high school and even now, i’m 29, have an amazing boyfriend but i STILL believe i am ugly and hideous to this day. im trying to fix my face/acne, get my teeth fixed but i still believe that i’m just hideous

I’ve never dated before. I don’t sleep around, as I prefer to save myself until Marriage. It’s always been my preference growing up really. But as an adult woman, sometimes I have those moments where I go “Damn…there seems to be some excitement with the concept of flirting, having many boyfriends, actually being able to have sex. Am I functioning right? Am I an outlier? Maybe my life would be more different if I was that kind of person…” I mean, I still continue wanting to save myself, and I don’t think being a virgin is wrong. But it’s just those little musings I would sometimes reflect upon.

4:09 aside from trauma, I would like to add a different perspective, one about autism, it shows the difference between a panic attack caused by social anxiety vs. the sensory overwhelm(shutdown,meltdown) caused by all the auditory and visual stimuli, it can mimic that. Someone might avoid those situations, knowing its inevitably gonna be too much to handle sensory wise. A lot of medical professionals seem to be unable to grasp this and cannot seem to understand this difference. Additionally, yes, trauma and autism can go hand in hand, esp when living in an environment where you do not have the privilege of staying in a calm, peaceful environment, or having to continuous try so hard to blend in and have to think continously about what to say, and what to do and still not understand culture or relationships, then yes, that might also lead to isolation, because the only place you feel like being yourself and are allowed to be yourself is being alone, with headphones on and doing your own stuff at night, when all is calm and peaceful. -Feeling and emotions, having alexithymia and problems surrounding interoception(not being aware when its cold, warm, hunger, thirst, pain etc), and having delayed emotional processing, it isnt that i dont want to feel, its that i dont feel it at that moment, and have trouble understanding what im going through. Sometimes it helps to then journal at the end of the day, with no one around, and reflect on the day, to have an overview over what happened, and why i felt a certain way. For example on a certain moment, the only feeling that comes up is: i feel horrible, but I have no idea why. No idea if its physical(hunger, thirst, pain, too hot, cold, forgot to take off my jacket) or emotional(someones comment, or a certain interaction), or sensory(being in a loud space for a long time, or having to socialize for a long time, maybe the lights are too bright,etc). Figuring that out is a whole math equation in and out of itself. -Dread, meeting new people, new environments, this, you cannot desensitize. Having adhd and autism, already makes it that everything already feels uncomfortable and too much all the time, so it adds even more cognitive load having to navigate new places and environements. And to add to it, i live in the netherlands, im not dutch, i know im gonna be the odd one out, and also have to 'perform' aka be mindful of what i wear, what i say, how i say it, the tone and melody of my voice, my face when relaxed, what i do, everything will already be analysed by others the second they meet me/someone who isnt like them. and then hope they wont be racist. Even in my uni classes, there are times i had to defend myself and for people like me because some of those claims were so outdated and ridiculous, and to hear them say those out loud, reinforces the dread... -meditation, this can help feeling more in tune with your body and be aware of your body more, for me, guided is always my go to,a body scan, or some other type of guided meditation. So many times i do a quick scan,and notice myself that i had been subconsciously contracting certain muscles because of the physical overwhelm. -exercise, sure yes, but physical aside, i would also add mental/creative exercise and blocking time to only do those things, whether its writing, a hobby, or being busy with a special interest. idk, just a couple things that i wanted to share and shed some light on neurodivergent traits, since so many medical professionals and books about trauma dont always recognize or explain how similar they can be. While one can be healed, the other cant, but it is still helpful of course. Definitely much more than a cbt session😅😅. To live in a world of constant overwhelm, feeling safe and caring for your nervous system means advising people to isolate, and not feel bad about it, since desensitizing them will literally send them into autistic burnout. Isolating isnt bad, esp if you dont have a safe environment, or going outside is too overwhelming. Instead advising to maybe find an online community, discord, or playing games together, calling, whatever works for the individual to still feel like they have access to a community where they can feel safe and validated in. excuse my wall of text, its just some things that came to mind that i wish was more acknowledged to maybe help people discern the differences and the ways it may show up in one's life, other than that, great video and i love how you broke it down into different parts first describing, then also giving tips and advice on how to ease/overcome them😊

Here we go again youtube...

In terms of insecure attachment styles, If youre A WOMAN, and you're older (30s) and haven't been in a relationship, you're likely avoidant. If you're A MAN, and you're older (30s) and haven't been in a relationship, you're likely anxious.

settling i think people basically assume is letting someone walk all over you you to on the extreme end be abusive, it's not that it's compromising on things that are negligible

I will turn 25 in May

Naw. I'm a lesbian with homophobic parents.

I’m 32 and never even kissed. My life got better when I pretended that I did so people don’t say anything anymore, it’s not a shock for them anymore if I’m just single. I was never interested when I was a teenager which was good because no one showed any interest in me, not that anyone does now (men and women)… If they do I don’t notice and might figure it out months or years later. I had 3 opportunities with women when I was 27/28, but nothing really happened and I was diagnosed with asperger/autism when I was 28 so that might explain something, even though I’m high-masking. The few friends who know all of that say that one day I will have a relationship, but I don’t think so because people would have to really love me first (instead of just having a crush so they can actually try it to “pursue me”) and that doesn’t happen that often, and I’m kind of okay with that because it wouldn’t be a problem if society doesn’t see it and force to me as a problem… I wouldn’t think that I’m missing something, you know? Anyway, it is what it is. I have a cute dog, no money (med school), my friends say that I’m pretty (but I have no self-esteem because of bullying growing up so I think they just love me) and I’ll be a doctor soon which is great so yeah.

take the redpill, brothers walking away is the only way forward

I nearly didn’t upload this video LOL This is an OLLDDDDDD video from the archives I wasn’t able to film a new video this week (ya girl is working 60 hours this week 🥲) But I still wanted to post for you guys so I thought I would upload this old video Audio and editing is not the best but things will be back to normal next week 🙏🏽

That sounds nice and all but I’m not sure it’s even possible. At this point, I’ve lived longer with my anxiety and depression than I’ve lived without it. It’s all I’ve ever known. Sometimes I fear that if I were to rid myself of it entirely, I may cease to exist. I guess it’s colored the way I look at things. It’s strange, I keep telling myself that happiness is all I want and yet the idea of being happy is a foreign one. It almost scares me. (I also just broke my bong. Kinda sucks.)

Whatever, the less humans the better (Yes I’m coping)

i love all the book recommendations in your vids <3

This makes so much sense now…

OOOH NEVER BEEN THIS EARLYY

Arrived at the same time - thank u!

Nah I get what that girl was saying like seeing the face and expression of someone getting ready to kiss you just feels really like icky and cringe to me 😭😭 I'm asexual though as well as also having trauma (neither of which cancels each other out but one could have definitely caused the other to happen but I'd never know because it happened when I was a kid) but I love the idea of having a life long partner to just hang out with and cuddle with but anything intimate feels so gross 😭😭. I love having crushes and "simping" over cute people and imagining our lives together and I know there's someone out there who would be willing to be with me but it's a very low chance that I'd find them (yes I've been through therapy many many times, no I'm not "fixed", therapy doesn't make PTSD go away you just learn how to live with it better)

Most couples and marriages I know don't know what a healthy relationship actually feels like. In the end, most people endure to not be alone.

the "success is a skill" thing kinda stresses me out tbh. I feel like I just don't have it and have to work extra hard for my goals compared to someone naturally gifted at finding their way to success. I understand that this is only true if I let it be, but these feelings get so intense that they manifest physically as well, I'm not sure how to break the pattern.

first ??? can i get a pin ???

Gen Z? This s*** has been going on since the 60s. Try to keep up.

that's why I also go to the gym 4x a week besides just getting As and A-s in Math,so if don't do well in my calc exam at least I can feel better at it in the gym 🥲

I’m sorry, I don’t have the energy to deal with the drama that comes with relationships. I don’t have the energy to invest into getting to know people and decide if they meet my standards. I don’t care for sex and I don’t even wanna kiss anyone. Don’t want anyone’s saliva near me. 😂 Honestly I never grew out of my boys are gross phase. And I’m almost 22.

Ladies, I'm going to save you a lot of time. If you're in you're 30s and you still want to have children, then your match is a childless man who is twenty years older than you.

I want to weigh in as a person who got into my first relationship at 17 (I'm 19 now and still going strong w the relationship). I had to deal with feelings of not being enough or being too much and the moment I decided that I'm enough for me and I'm happy with me, my boyfriend came along. A relationship's importance is inflated and exaggerated on social media and movies as grand gestures but it's a process more than anything. It should be an enjoyable process, but not a necessary one. Love is found in all shapes and sizes. I hope everyone finds love in their shapes and sizes too, and that doesn't mean a relationship.

I would stop recommending the book Attached as it is very archaic and doesn't really relate to modern dating. Ken Reids offer amazing updating books when it comes to learning about attachment styles.

I definitely aren't the problem...😂😂😂

I turned 20 this year and have never been in a relationship. There are a lot of reasons why, the majority summs up to just protect myself. Went from an all girls school to a male dominated work environment and let me say, what i've heard about dating from girls and guys my age is absolutely not something i want. The way the talked about and treated each other gave me very big red flags. Another reason would be my attachment style because i've got the same one you do. I also have massive problems with socializing and connecting with people, i hold everyone on arms length and avoid physical contact like the plague. I've accepted my flaws and started working on getting better in these areas, also in the process of starting and discovering new hobbies and overcoming my anxiety. It may be that i want a relationship but i know i'm not ready for one. I'd also like to add that i got the one guy who actually had a crush on me and one of my friends together. Last thing i've heard from them, because she ended our friendship, is them talking about marriage and kids. This rant got a little out of hand 😅

Being a romantic and sensual asexual, or non-libidoist in my case, at 26 years old can be challenging. I've felt deep connections with a few men throughout my life, but when intimacy becomes involved and I realize I can't perform in the way they expect, I tend to pull away. This breaks my heart because I truly wish to have a boyfriend, to love and be loved in return. I'm starting to come to terms with the idea that neither a man nor I can "fix" me 😔

Christina, dear, thank you for this video!

Re title this video, super important but current title is confusing. I’ve had many but this hits hard!

I resonate with this so much even though I'm not academically intelligent, I'm good at art I got a grade 9 in art and 2 diplomas in fashion. I feel the pressure to succeed and feel if I fail I have no other options as I'm resiting maths and english and I think I would literally end up homeless if something ever happens to my mom and my biggest support I would crumble. I have so much anxiety and depression that I've started taking anti-depressants and I'm still struggling to pass exams and continuing my coursework.so this is really helps that I'm not the only one.❤

Ladies... the same advice that we give man. Go to the gym regularly, watch your diet, therapy, start hobbies, volunteer. Social life must be built. As young people it was easier because you had less responsibilities and more social circles (school, clubs, parents who were friends with each other). But the most important advice is to not turn bitter or envious. Bitterness will poison you from the inside. Do not start "hating" ,"judging" perspectives or life choices just because you need to feel "superior", "accepted", "entitled". Focus on yourself and what works for you. You will feel easier and breath better... and once people will get to know you there will be no pressure or negativity inside you. Do not rush into relationships just because someone gives you attention. Learn to find meaning and joy in your life by yourself.

24 virgin never even kissed. It’s all the system fault to make us work work work and then work and than work more and pay bills and that’s it.

I'm in my 60s and have never had a romantic relationship. I watched as most friends and relatives dated and married while I never was approached by men, though I am no less attractive or intelligent than most people I know.