The truth

[@sarahkmiller]

Your voicing that all of this was in an attempt to be understood really struck a chord with me. I think feeling misunderstood is a huge part of the Neurodivergent experience. I often find myself over-explaining, which can be interpreted as inauthentic to the Neurotypical brain.

[@lorelmeow]

This part of the video made me cry i felt so seen ☹️❤️

[@lulanm9000]

This! This comment really put my life into perspective and will probably help in therapy. Thank you

[@AGK1999FE]

Accurate. I feel like my mental health professional acts/thinks I'm like "crazier" than I actually am. I've gotten the question "do you have hallucinations?" multiple times over the years, and I understand they have to ask those sometimes ig, but I always tell the truth "no, they're intrusive thoughts because my mind is always racing, it's not scary or even negative sometimes." I just feel like they don't listen to me sometimes, but I guess I could be at fault too because I go on tangents and not talk about what I actually wanted to say (+ slight language barrier). Don't even get me started on one of the meds that they have me taking, I had to figure out over the years that it's not making me feel better and doesn't make any sense with my symptoms. But I'm finally putting my foot down and not get distracted and let this crap slide, next time when I see her of course😅

[@hj45-s9k]

Over explaining is a sign of trauma and it’s crazy how many people don’t get that. I got so tired of trying to explain myself so I don’t “get in trouble” or however else my brain wants to interpret things that I just started shutting down. Probably not the best but I’m tired of people looking at me like I have 3 heads anyway

[@jlbeeen]

The over-explaining and fear of being misunderstood is something that I found has created tension between my partner and I, so I've been working on that a lot. But being understood is so important, and this video, while not speaking about much I personally deal with (ADHD is my main thing), felt very positive and encouraging. When people share about their journey and especially about dealing with internalized ableism, it can be so healing.

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

You're so so so so so right about people wanting content about sensationalized and stigmatized disorders to be like, watching a zoo animal and not a person. They feel entitled to every minute detail, it's so invasive. And then there's the double standard of if you refuse to cave into that pressure, or only release information you're comfortable with, or edit the image you put online, you're accused of "romanticizing your illness" when, like, you're trying to be a person, and maintain your dignity and privacy, and personhood. The jackals will never be satisfied, and no matter what they are given, they'll rip it to shreds, because so many from the jump have dehumanized mentally ill or disabled people, and only view them as worthy of the most basic respect when they perform, or jump through the perfect hoops, or act like "a good disabled person should". You owe those sorts of people nothing.

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

Ultimately, you were trying your best to move forward, and find a path forward, and keep yourself safe, and hold it together, while being seen and understood for the whole, complicated, multi-multifaceted human being you are moving through the world. You were doing your best, and you've learned from what happened, but that's only something you can learn by doing things. But just, once again, thank you for showing me, and countless others that we can TRY and be imperfect, and still live a life that has joy, and happiness, and independence, and growth. I'm so so glad I found your channel years and years ago, it's been so positive for me.

[@LiEnby]

Please treat your disorder like it’s a circus act then maybe I’ll consider saying it’s not just a circus act !!

[@TheRaychenator]

This is so fuckin real and I really appreciate the way you’ve worded this.

[@moroam]

The way people are obsessed with your DID diagnosis is honestly alarming. Keep living your life Pixie and I’m sending love to you and your system!

[@asheerdrop]

“It’s so hard to talk about this stuff and not sound insane”; honestly, as someone who does not have DID or anything in that area, but has listened to yours and others discussions of DID and inner worlds in particular, the way you describe Seb fading into existence within your inner world makes perfect sense to me.

[@Pixielocks]

Oh thank you that’s so reassuring 😭💗 /gen

[@Seramoonn]

Yes agreed! There a plenty of us who honor your experiences (and others’) with respect and interest.

[@haileymarie7866]

As a mental health provider I was shocked on how awful you were treated. No well respected provider would try and diagnose or undiagnose anyone off of Internet videos. I'm glad that you have grown from this and hope that you can continue to do better!

[@charissadubin9355]

Their reasoning was bonkers too. Saying she wasn't presenting as distressed in the video therefore likely did not have DID. Having DID does not mean someone can never be in a good mood!

[@nyocx]

I am one, too. And I was absolutely appalled.

[@memetastic01]

Pixie, for what its worth, as an autistic girl who loves pastels, you make me feel seen. You are brave to show how you've grown over the years! I think there is a line between protecting yourself and keeping secrets. I am glad putting this video out takes some of that stress off of you. I know that Im not going anywhere! Do you!

[@homespawn]

hey pixie! fellow DID system here that has been in healing for 4 years now (wow!). i’ll admit that we don’t really care about fashion much beyond a passing interest, so we’re definitely here for you as a person and as a system. we enjoy hearing about you all and seeing how another fellow human heals. i’m sorry people are so cruel to you. take care and don’t mind them. they are the most miserable people.

[@marshall3973]

"Bro got so therapized that he got slurped up" obsessed with this 😂❤

[@quietzest]

Literally yesterday I was looking at your precure fanart and thinking “I wonder if one of the rlly prominent alters who loved art fused? Well Pixie doesn’t really want to talk about it so I DEFINITELY won’t say anything, esp as just a fan omg” I know dissociaDID is a bit controversial after some of the drama they had, but they made a video about their big fusions and splits. they had a similar sentiment about their fusions and feeling just loss and also happy and trying to grapple with their internalized insecurities. I can’t believe we’re so lucky as a community that you trust us enough to share these things. Thank you for sharing and like… kinda teaching as well? You guys are so awesome!!! Keep taking care of yourselves. We all love you (in the very cool internet way)

[@juliapansy1459]

at 10:30 my heart is so broken watching you talk about this. I think there's so much comfort in knowing he was ready and had been healing and living. He is you still. Is not close but as a person without DID and with neurodivergence I liken it to sudden disinterest in something i was passionate about. Its a huge loss of part of me but its not as big of a loss as a personality. Thanks for sharing your journey Pixie I always learn so much from all your videos (including the pony ones!)

[@bunnyvalentine3655]

I'm going through a similar situation and I can say this behavior doesn't just exist online. I have been outcast by my coworkers because I need certain accommodations that allow me to work and it seems they resent me for it. I was officially diagnosed with schizoaffective depressive type paired with bpd and am on the waitlist to see if I will be diagnosed with autism on top of it all. It has made life so hard for me even with therapy and medication. My daily struggles have been made even harder from my coworkers practically bullying me because you wouldn't be able to tell I'm ill just by looking at me. My symptoms are worse. I just want to be understood by them and not carry this guilt that even though I try so hard I can't keep up with their level. It's so hard pixie and you're so strong for hanging in there. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, nor prove it, and I wish I took that advice myself. I'm wishing you the best and congrats on how far you've come ^^

[@Shirumoon]

That sounds so exhausting, I'm sorry! I've already been diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety but I strongly suspect I might have BPD, too unfortunately. But I will never get it diagnosed because I couldn't bear living with that stigma. Most therapists also seem completely unequipped to deal with (c)PTSD patients so it's not like a new diagnosis would help me get better anyway. I hate how other people - with the massive privilege of being mentally healthy mind you - have ruined jobs, personal life, etc. for us. Idk how I should even attempt to navigate such environments...

[@bunnyvalentine3655]

@ I’m so sorry you’re going through all that :< it’s definitely a scary stigma. I often feel scared telling ppl about having psychosis. I will say though that official diagnosis can be just as good as it is scary because proper medication and treatment can help with so much of the stress! I’m wishing you the best ☺️

[@blob9907]

Your DID content always motivates me to do more work and get better and not ignore my system. Thank you all for doing this despite how people treat you. I couldn't be as brave. My therapist also saw how you and others were treated by professionals and was disgusted by it. Good professionals will keep cheering for you alongside other systems. ♡

[@KeroseneSkies]

Jerr and I followed each other on Twitter and I loved seein him post and interacting with him as much as just you on the main account and so when I noticed him stop tweeting I was like "Oh I wonder if Jerr fused but it's probably impolite to ask of course." But Jerr was super cool and you are so super cool

[@fairest5112]

I don't have DID, but the part talking about aching for a time that wasn't a good time for you really resonates with me. I have BPD and it definitely feels locked in time there, like you said. Idk if this makes sense to anyone, but I just hope you feel seen.

[@pupupuskassa]

wow, this was a BIG BOY and i got very much emotional at multiple parts (no pun intended) of the video. i'm so glad yous got all these huge things off your chest. thank you for all you do, it really warms my heart to see you talking about your experiences

[@kmcosplay]

the "a pinky promise to not be weird" BLASTED out my car while I was at the drive through... m

[@Pixielocks]

LMAOOOOO NOOOO

[@thefrecklefairy]

"The f*ckng equation you have to solve to have people understand you" 😭😭 as an autistic this resonated so much & that is such a good way to put it!! i always overexplain sooo much because i feel like otherwise i think people won't understand, but then they end up thinking i'm overplaying it 😭 i feel like i hardly ever hit the balance just right & am always so surprised when ppl do actually understand me 😂

[@gracedrinkstea]

haven’t started the video yet, but is so nice to see a new upload from you. 🩷 hope you and your family are okay, sending you big hugs 🩷🍓

[@willthepotato7835]

Hewwo miss grace 🗣💓💓💓💓🎄

[@willthepotato7835]

(Grace is my girlfriend so this isn't a weird Internet comment)

[@gracedrinkstea]

@ hewo 💓🫶🍓🎀🫧

[@ChelseaCHICKAPOW]

I feel like a 33 year old teenager everyday, much to my mother's disdain. And you explaining how your heart aches for a younger life, while you love your current life... I so felt that, because I don't have DID but younger me is hurt that she missed out on things, so 33 year old me now buys myself all the Hello Kitty pink cute things I want and it makes me happy. And really, that's all that matters. I'm so proud of you for opening up and sharing vulnerable parts of yourself with us. People do suck, I am sorry. 💖💖💖

[@gracedrinkstea]

so unrelated but omfg your cardigan is AMAZING

[@FirstandFullTimeMom]

i want to know where she got it!!! it’s soo cute

[@gracedrinkstea]

@ I reckon she’s crocheted it herself !! It’s pixie colours and the daisies… defo pixie coded 💓🌸

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

Pixie's crochet is always top notch!!! I'm always so jealous of how well she coordinates her yarn palette for every project! They always look so perfectly cohesive!

[@rachaelnoel.]

@@FirstandFullTimeMomshe made it, think there might be a video?

[@princessjadie]

Lots of love to you. Your gift wrapping videos are my favourite christmas videos and I look forward to rewatching them. I appreciate you and your content, just as you were and just as you are!

[@Pixielocks]

Yaaaay there will be one this year too 🥰

[@evrrys]

Thank you so much for sharing. I don’t have DID, but I’m autistic and your videos make me feel less alone. Really resonated with your desire to be understood. Also, been loving all the ponies content recently because I love hearing about other folks’ special interests

[@river.s0ng]

pixielocks with masculine swagger is my new favourite thing

[@keyholes]

"I'm about to-" [cope maladaptively~] That made me absolutely gigglesnort. Huge well done for the harm reduction you've managed this year, you're doing amazing and I'm so proud of you.

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

Sending love to the whole system, just started the vid. 💖 You and your system have been through so much, and I understand trying to protect y'all's selves, but I'm also glad that there are genuine supportive people in your community who want to help. I'm still so mad at the so called "proffesionals" who turned a source of support and acceptance into a reason to be so afraid to be yourself. 😢

[@Eloise_Please]

You come across to me as one of the most genuine people online. It's so weird to me that people label everyone who's a bit different as "attention seeking" or in some way bad. I think it's trained into us, because it helps maintain conformity, which is valuable to people who want to control others.

[@cottagecorecows]

I truly madly deeply wish people would leave y'all alone. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest with your audience 💖 They could never make ne hate you Pixie system!!

[@Boctornook]

Been keeping up for literally almost 10 years (im 27, used to run art account berrykid, i designed ur comforter lol). Anyway I do not have DID but ive had a very similar path of self growth and healing and it’s really joyous to hear you say things i relate to and also see some of myself in the joy you embody now at times. Also cried when you were crying about Jer (I am also grateful for his ability to live life). Anyways, wishing you the best, your contents always scratched an itch for my interests and i will continue to keep up for however long you keep uploading.

[@Pixielocks]

Berrykid!!!! Nice to hear from you 🥺💗

[@rugdealer1729]

hearing you talk about sh made me feel so much less shame 💛💖, I keep saying to myself that I'm an adult and I should have outgrown it, that it's something a child (teenager) does and not an adult. but seeing someone older than me talk about it just helped so much.

[@annoyingfandragon]

About the internalized ableism and feeling bad about splitting, I just wanna say that my system has 120+ members and splits pretty often and yet we’re still functional, and we’re still healing. Human brains are incomprehensible powerful and complicated. You can handle a few more people, more people can even be helpful. Your brain is always just doing what it thinks is best for you in the moment.

[@cyanvlogs]

i can’t lie i was wondering about jerrick for a while, and i’m not a person with DID so my understanding of this might be incorrect but i swear i can hear jerrick in your voice now. like yeah, he’s “still there” and it’s insane. also definitely cried when you talked about the life he got to live through the system discovery 😭💚 thank you for choosing to share this update with all of us 🥺 your healing journey has been incredible and im sending you so so so much love as you keep moving forward with your life and your system

[@aarishowton8037]

I skipped around a bit and this spiel at 23:00 is extremely relatable, I don’t think that’s really a DID thing so much as just a mentally ill/traumatized thing. I experience the same heartbreak for the past even though I was largely completely ostracized, just because I had a handful of people I was close to and saw every day and I knew far less about the inequities of the world and was on a very set path where I didn’t have to worry about what I’m doing with my life.

[@abernathyisliterate7768]

I have been here since day 1. I know I am one out of many thousands, but I am one person who has seen all of you since that day, and has felt a semblance of belonging and comfort in your presences. You don’t owe anyone a single thing, but many of us are also grateful to know you a little bit better through these videos. I went from a scared high school girl who felt like she was going crazy, to a masters historian with now diagnosed and managed OCD, living life like a human. And I still turn to your videos when I need to feel less alone. Thank you for all of the years of you- all of you. You’ve carried me through mine.

[@Pixielocks]

Awwww thank you this is so so touching 🥺💗

[@rugdealer1729]

"bro got so therapatized that he got slurped up"

[@EyseaSol]

As someone with ptsd and ocd, I just understood so much of this. It makes sense to those of us who have some similar experiences with trauma. I'm always happy if you are feeling better and more functional, as I do with everyone.

[@Cutiepiedarlin]

The fact someone would even try to accuse someone of faking something so complicated and difficult is absolutely wild to me

[@qryptid]

30:00 this is why i stepped away from posting online about our system. I was diagnosed back in the tumblr community days and because we were newly diagnosed it made sense to post almost exclusively about our system and what we were processing and ykno the stereotypical stuff. We did Meet the Alters, we did "Alter Tries ____ For the First Time" Because like you said. Like that's what you do, or what we're expected to do, because we have this life altering condition we never chose to have. But also trying to be online and share who you are without talking about it is impossible because then you're hiding a huge part of your life.. we took down all our old videos and keep going back and forth about posting again. We kind of just want to be people on the internet and sometimes that means talking about our past and mental health but mostly that should just mean existing. Thanks for being honest about how hard it is to balance that stuff and how much its been weighing on you. You've always been a certain level of vulnerable on your channel, and I'm glad you're doing it in a way that lifts the weight you've been carrying. As a bonus, the things you share always end up making a lot of people feel less alone. :)

[@annoyingfandragon]

46:57 me trying not to sound schizophrenic explaining to my therapist how we introjected the whole concept of a mlp infection au

[@Pixielocks]

You get it 😭

[@Munstermash1313]

The majority of adults can see when someone is lying.

[@Prog-k4l]

I hate the rise of the privileged white-woman who has DID and a lack of CPTSD. Cough* Cought* DissociaDid/MM/PixeLocks. Its just theatrical histrionics

[@chisulover1235]

@@Prog-k4l adding ''white'' in front of the word woman doesn't make it any less misogynistic

[@mzhollywood8312]

I totally know what it's like to feel misunderstood, like no one gets you. I understand, trust me. You are definitely not alone.

[@SunflowerKidAugust]

It has always bothered me that people act like a diagnosis or a label of some sort changes a person but it's just helping explain. The pixie that we knew the whole time had DID we just didn't know.

[@RedHeadCrisis]

I heard system update and immedietly went "I swear Jerrick fused". Proud of you for making this video and I'm glad to hear an update

[@snackpackets]

I don’t think you give yourself enough credit!! I can’t speak for everyone of course, but the way you explained DID and shared your story made me learn so much! I can see how hard you tried and I just wanted you to know that at least one person learned so much from you and you helped me understand DID better. I wish you didn’t have to keep explaining yourself again and again because I understood from to very first video you posted about your diagnosis. I’ve been watching for years and years and I love watching you grow and learning from you all. I love you all and I’m so deeply sorry the internet has been so cruel to you guys. The confetti club has your back Pixie! 💕💖

[@drpepper342]

16:16 HELL YEAH LETS GOOOOOO that is freaking awesome. thank you for sharing this kind of thing, it can be really hard to talk abt but It makes me (and probably a lot more people) feel less alone for going through it :3 thank you thank you thank you for letting this vid exist. You're amazing 🩷

[@mahavishnustravinskij]

I am so angry at psychiatry, we really need to replace it with something community and accessibility focused.

[@Gummiedshark]

Thank you for this. We have DID as well and we also have a part that was with us since our event. Thank you for talking about it and talking about this

[@tinyaxes]

Thank you guys for being wonderful and vulnerable. We also wish more ppl just knew basic DID stuff enough not to be super biased, afraid, or act from their ignorance.

[@pipsukka484]

I just have to say I feel for you Pixie trying to explain something so complex to the internet and fearing the response you might get, but for me as a fellow system you were the first person I could actually see explaining my life experience. Every system is different but hearing how trauma messed your head up made me believe that maybe mine was a mess because of my trauma as well. I learned from you that system member were like friends even family and the very people your mind created to help keep you safe. And it was simply so nice to know I wasn’t alone, that there were others like me and you with more people in their head than should be in one body. Thank you so much for sharing you story and remember, you can call me Joy, just ignore my username this is a hella old account xD

[@wellysocks]

big props to you pixie for getting this video out ❤ im sure it cant have been easy I hope you feel proud of yourself and unburdened now

[@sosocasualty]

I don't post anywhere online about being a system outside of with my close friends list on instagram, and my youtube is completely detached from any other platform I use. The threat of harassment and ridicule is too much for a system like ours, but I'm so thankful that systems like yours are able to share your experiences. Sometimes it's easy to feel alone. I don't cry often, but I teared up when you started speaking so sweetly about Jerrick. I know that there will be a day when some of our members fuse, and it'll be bittersweet. Thanks so much for sharing. We shouldn't have to hide.

[@hypnoticspell]

tearing up a little omg. i really appreciate hearing u talk about how much guilt and shame tends to come with DID. i personally have been struggling a lot with it lately and it is incredibly relieving to see it discussed. of course i wish it was Not such a common thing and i certainly wish the best for u! just. YOU GET IT. and talking about DID and age and that aching feeling, the fear of being misunderstood, not knowing how to explain yourself...wow. i have seriously been feeling sooo alone about these things. holding ur hand. THANK U FOR THIS VIDEO WAHHH😭🫶🫶🫶🫶 sorry i definitely do not mean to make such a personal video about me, just wanna say the way u share things hits home and is very comforting. your vids have always been so nice to watch, DID related or not. you and your guys are doing ur damn best and i hope things continue to improve !!!! sending u love😽😽

[@plumblossomed]

I've been watching you since way before the DID diagnosis, and I've watched this whole thing unfold over the last few years, and though I do want to say that I am SO SORRY that you are having to even make a video like this, I want you to know how well articulated your explanations around your system state, your diagnosis journey, your past actions, and why you made some of the decisions you did about how you wanted to exist publicly with your DID were. As someone who has OSDD, I am so impressed at the maturity, and the level of self excavation you have done here. Again, I wish that it was easy and safe to just publicly be our authentic selves with our spicy brains, but the fact is, it isn't a lot of the time, and I think that you are doing an incredible job of navigating all that.

[@RenaeIsWellRead]

23:37 I relate to this SOOO much. I don't have DID but certain things just make my heart physically yearn for the past and can be triggered by the oddest things sometimes. My life is better now and I am mentally healthier now than I have ever been, but something makes me feel (I can't find the right emotion to put here but I think you get it) for the past. To the point where I feel like I am not supposed to be where I am now. Sometimes I think it's nostalgia and sometimes I think (as someone who struggled with depression and suicidal ideation/tendencies) it's a form of survivors guilt.

[@jfhddlkjfdsklf9543]

as someone whos self diagnosed this video hit me really hard :( you being so open and honestly crying talking about fusion really hits home for me.. Weve had several alters fuse over the years and many who had to say goodbye to our real world friends and just seeing another person feeling that sorrow so openly has made me feel very empowered. Thank you so much for posting this video -everlong

[@popstarzombie]

I definitely noticed Jerr's absence. Thank you for sharing!

[@serenediipity]

we like to describe fusing as an alter "being eaten in the womb" as a joke lol. learning to live on in the memory of whoever i've fused with is such a spiritually fulfilling experience that i hope all systems get to experience should they fuse anyone

[@ellebarron7112]

Thank you for sharing this. It was very strong and brave of you. I do not have DID but have had know a few systems and it is both educational so I can better understand it for my friends and others I meet living with it. But also I think on some level trauma and the impacts it has on people can be some what universal in the sense if learning how cope and become healthier. So it also just is generally nice to listen to someone talk through their experinces.

[@mikahyakuya7443]

Figuring out when there's a split or a fusion is an incredibly difficult thing. And aching for painful, past times is something completely understandable. Keep healing and fighting, pixie, you're awesome! ❤

[@Bokatisha1234]

It might be easier to neutralize splitting and such to think about alters as part of a care team? As you heal and change, you'll need different/less/more specialized people on your team, or team members will need to go get like, new certifications?? The metaphor is running away. It's definitely sad to be missing alters, or feel like you need "more" help, but as you evolve, your needs evolve.

[@Lady_dromeda]

Thank you for getting the strength to share this with us all. I hate that you’ve been getting a lot of negative attention on your DID diagnosis, its disgusting what some people believe about DID, its probably the same sort of people who have negative views on people with adhd and autism.

[@PandyBearCakes]

Love you pixi for always being real with us. I struggle with BPD too and severe ptsd so seeing this helps others like myself that aren't brave enough to get behind a camera. Whether you talk about this or pink ponies theirs always going to be haters and bullies that get off on tearing others down. But your confetti family has got you with open arms. Keep up the fight girl and being you. Ps I love that cardigan too.🩷🩷🩷🩷🫶

[@chandlerprevatt369]

i think this is my first time commenting but- thank you for sharing moments of your life with us! there will always be people who purposely and maliciously choose to misinterpret what we say- but there will also always be people who put in the effort to understand and know us and those are the people that are important! being authentic and vulnerable is scary but ultimately so powerful!! whenever you are authentically yourself it gives other people the courage to do the same so thank you! i love your videos they always bring me joy and inspiration! i hope you (all of you!) are having a great day and that you are always surrounded by the people who know and love you 💗

[@chocoroons]

Thank you for sharing Pixie. Despite having several mental illness diagnosis, I’m not too familiar with DID and am even confused by some things. But I’m trying my best to learn and understand and I value you being vulnerable. I will continue to grow in my own journey as well as in support to other neurodivergent people

[@Lisallamaa]

I dont have DID. But I resonated SO MUCH around the 23 min mark when you talked about that vivid, heartbreaking nostalgia, where you feel like you should be able to just open a door and walk back into life ten years ago, and also the feeling of anxiously dreaming about those times even though they were absolute hell. Its a weird feeling, and I think being self-aware the way you are is really important to not drown in that. I have bipolar and I feel really out of control all the time and there is that manic-depressed duality that feels like, maybe even just a little, i can understand how you feel.

[@celestial.seasons]

Pixie!! I just finished the video and I just want to let you know…you being you on the internet has been helping me so much with my own shame over my parts and DID. Like…seeing you have cool hobbies and interests and expressing yourself reminds us that we are also just normal people who can and do experience normal life things too. You’re helping me to let my parts be themselves and express themselves and you are so so cool for that. You make us feel less alone and less abnormal and you remind us that being ourselves and being passionate (& maybe sometimes cringe) about things we love is cool and is what makes life fun 💗 Appreciate you and we hope that you are doing well :) Thank you for once again letting us into some of the pixie extended universe

[@joshisacowboy]

I feel so similarly about the need to look at notes when I talk about my system…like no…I’m not forgetting things because it’s disingenuous but because someone wrote these thoughts and there important to the whole story! So proud of you for sharing pixie!

[@sewingislife]

im so happy you feel up to posting this i love all of you your one of my favorite youtubers even when your struggling you genuinely teach me and make me feel seen (chroniclly ill autistic with c ptsd here)

[@elliotsletterbox4963]

So happy you've posted this!!!!!! Love your stuff and your system. Much love!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ValidSpleen]

I just want to say, first of all, I love your videos, especially about mental health. I don’t have DID, but as silly as it sounds, you and jacksepticeye actually really pushed me to finally start antidepressants because of how open you guys are. I felt less alone and scared to finally make the move to improve myself. I know you don’t know me, but thank you so much, it’s been a tough couple of years.

[@Nixie_the_Pixie]

The intense neurodivergent life goal to be understood is so painful. Thank you for being honest and raw with us 💖💖

[@jillsarah7356]

There is very deep rot of all kinds of bigotries amongst mental health professionals and other kinds of drs as well. I experience A LOT of it as a disabled person who is a member of multiple minority communities.

[@craftasaurouswrecks9277]

Good morning, Pixie. I'm holding space for you today while I kick off Bakemas with the first Christmas make of the year. My kitchen smells like lovely pumpkin pie and my heart is warm and welcome for you. We are part of your safe community.

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

Missing the best parts of how things used to be, feeling sad about certain parts of change while excited about other parts of the same thing is human. Jerrick is a huge part of your life, and having complicated feelings about changing how he is present in your system and your life isn't something you should feel the need to apologize for. ❤❤❤❤❤ Change, even positive change, can be really difficult. I hope everyone can recognize that, and that you can give yourself space and time to process all the feelings that come along with fusion. 🖤 💚

[@TheSightOfTheStars]

PAST PIXIE LAYING OUT THOSE BOUNDARIES HELL YEAH! hope Seb is enjoying life doing whatever he likes! He doesn't have to be any more public than he wants to be, but nice to know he exists, and I wish him the best! 💞💞💞💞

[@25worms]

im glad you were able to get this video out there after so long, as its clearly been weighing a lot on you. and yeah i definitely noticed that jer had been gone, but assumed he had been spending his time in the inner world or gone dormant. its nice to meet seb; i know yall mentioned a while ago that u had an alter who was pretty private. its funny bc at first when he came on screen i thought he was cliffe lol, so i definitely see what you mean by him being like a younger version of him. sending so much love to all of yall, and i hope this makes livestreaming a lil easier on u guys

[@fatcat1399]

It just started but I already am sending 💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 Also, off topic, but that thumbnail would be great album cover art ✨

[@erinptah]

Thank you for making this, and congratulations on getting it posted! It sucks that some people can't just Be Normal about this. Even setting aside any kind of "autism = it's hard to read the room" factor, there are some folks who just love to go on the attack whenever they see anybody online being personal/vulnerable. There's no "correct"/"socially appropriate" way you could talk about your mental health that would make those people happy. I know "just ignore them" is easier said than done! But I'll be cheering for you to ignore/delete them as much as humanly possible.

[@fyshku]

your guy’s comments on age and gender and dissociation rings so true for me…. as a part who identifies as a cis male in an AFAB body who is fairly older than our physical age and shares a body with a co-host who is 13 and still very much stuck in that time, it’s such a strange set of feelings to work through. thank y’all for being so courageous and sharing your story and experiences, I hope that not having to hide parts of yourself on the internet makes life a little bit better for y’all!! 💕💕

[@BugAuwen]

It’s nice for us to see a system say that they are also afraid of the numbers going up because of the stigma. Because we deal with that a lot every time there is a fusion or a split. P.s. vey proud of you guys for being in a place where you feel comfortable sharing again.

[@Eviroseisbisexual]

pixie, i’ve watched ur vids for over 7 years now and when you talk about mental health, you make me feel seen and understood. i got diagnosed with bpd as well a couple years ago and when you talked about it, i felt like i could still be myself and still love cute pastel things even though i got some really life changing news. thank you for always being a huge comfort me since is also struggle with sh and ed. you are so kind and loving. i wish nothing but the best for you and i hope you achieve all your hopes and dreams🩷🧡💛💚🩵💜

[@itsrey5475]

As someone with DID I adore when you post vids like thisssss. I feel you on the "nature doc" aspect of a lot of DID content. Not crazy about that stuff bc i have a hard time time connecting with it. Your content is so very human and makes me feel so very less insane

[@peachyjjarred]

Just want to say I love you and all the wonderful beings in your brain!! Thank you for sharing and I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry for all the stress had been caused by mean people. Know that I support you wholeheartedly. And you don’t have to prove anything to me for me to see you as human regardless of your DID or PSTD. You’re a wonderful human being and I appreciate you so much

[@RainbowToastStudios]

Im so glad to be getting an update because even as someone who just follows kind of distantly on youtube I did really enjoy learning about all of the parts and your mental health journey, and it breaks my heart that you have been dying to talk about it and keeping so much hidden. I got emotional about Jerr because your journey with him really resonated with me in the sense of loving all of ones parts even when it feels like they are against you. I am so so glad that he wanted to fuse and you feel like you are in a healthier place and SO UNDERSTAND the feeling of yearning for a past that is arguably worse than your present UGH. Brains are just weird man. So much love xoxo

[@citykitty4137]

Thank you so much for sharing. The vulnerability and honesty you show to us as your audience and YOURSELF is beautiful and admirable . Wishing you love and happiness !!❤

[@funkylimonada]

There are so many things in this video that feel so validating!!! I don't have DID but I do have CPTSD along with a bunch of other stuff and trying to polish how I feel and explain it to my friends without making it seem so scary to them while also making it clear that I am struggling, but like also I am not bringing it up for pity I just want to give an explanation. Then there are weeks where I am fine and I don't bring symptoms up bc maybe I just don't have that many that week or its just not something I want to share but I feel like I need to or then people think I was fakng it for a while. And on weeks where it is bad I like need to tone it down so its not too much for them...there is just such a thin tightrope to walk on when talking about mental health stuff and I cannot imagine what it is like doing it in the public eye. Y'all are amazing, you have been since I started watching you way back whem, and are amazing still. Much love

[@chaotickidltd]

always sending you so so much love! I was like fully tearing up at the beginning (lol),, this video is a journey !!/pos ,, very nice to meet seb he seems very cool :P

[@AshlaSue]

I hope you know how much many people appreciate you sharing your journey. I personally did not know about DID or what it entails. I remember watching one of your first DID videos, and it made a lot of sense. It's been so eye-opening and educational. I hope that all those horrible people back off and leave you alone. Sending love and hugs! ❤

[@LilahSky]

We are also a system. So nice to hear an update from yall. Cried when you were talking about fusion with jerrik so real it can feel like losing a friend but also you know it's for the best

[@prototype572]

I've been watching you ever since i was a little girl and you helped me embrace the fun and colorful parts of me, as well as now recently you've helped me accept that I was a system, and thank you for that, your community has helped me accept myself, thank you

[@honorbound1337]

People who don't believe systems about their diagnoses, or don't believe the disorder exists, is crazy to me. You guys have all been incredibly brave and much more understanding than other people deserve, and are such a kind, radiant person. Wanting to be understood, and trying to talk more to explain better is such a key part of the ND experience, and it makes being misunderstood all the harder. I'm so impressed that your system has continued to heal in huge, monumental ways, and trying to continue living your lives and being your version of normal. DID is part of your life, and it's entirely understandable to want to mention things sometimes as you would in your life. You guys are wonderful, and I'm so glad your system has been doing better. Share whatever makes you comfortable, and the people who really care about your content will be happy with whatever you post/share.

[@salem-li6ub]

i was so shocked (/pos) when you talked about alters having a specific direction in the headspace that’s connected to them, we experience this as well!!! harder to reach people are always off to the left (or right depending on where you are) but always off to one side, almost as if in the periphery of our mind! i love hearing about other systems perspectives on life, it helps us feel so much more valid and understood to see examples of those similar to us, especially outside of the typical DID content sphere. you’re doing absolutely amazing

[@Maddie-sj7qn]

the breakfast alter is so incredibly hilarious and endearing i luv yall sm 😭💖

[@snaileef]

I only started watching your videos recently but your honesty and openness and wonderful vibes have made your channel so comforting and cosy to me through dealing with some of my own stuff. Its so refreshing and gives me so much hope to see someone being so unapologetically themselves, even after so many people trying to shut them down. You seem so genuine and so lovely and I'm SO glad I found your channel ✨️

[@plushdragonteddy]

the tweets at the end were so good fjdbfnfbf im so happy for y’all in the system !! and glad u guys could get this off ur chest :)

[@grayemily13]

I've missed the DID contact. This is so nice to hear about.

[@chamagloomy]

Hi Pixie! i'm glad you let this out for the sake of u, ofc i have always been really supportive on you, as i can, and i can say that i understand you. i feel like we relate a lot on our own mental stuff. i'd never judge you because i treat you as a friend, i warmly welcome you and all your sides, i know you are you, and i love that thanks for sharing this and take care and always put yourself and mental health before the internet and i hope you can heal the hard and gloomy feeling that comes with internalized ableism

[@Thesillyestbean]

I love your channel so much, you inspire me so much like I cosplay precure so I can make them as good as yours!!

[@mosaic2476]

pixie we love y'all so much and are so grateful for yous sharing this

[@mosaic2476]

also congrats on the sh decrease! this was our first year without and oh boy is it weird

[@mosaic2476]

currently at 45:25 and just wanna assure yous about the validity of inner world experiences. like yes they're not "r e a l" in the sense that we could refer to them in court or whatever, but they're real in that the vast majority of our memory is implicit (rather than explicit narrative), so they greatly impact how our BodyMinds use memory to navigate present and potential moments. Like we have inner world cuddles with some of the kiddos, and that (obviously with repetition and longevity) rewires the parts of the brain that they experience. We go out in public and see a caregiver cuddling their child, they'll be like "hey I remember when we did this". Whether or not it's "r e a l", it's an experience you have, and that your brain processes.

[@mosaic2476]

also unless it's a word you choose to identify with, what you're experiencing doesn't have to be insane. something we've found and have talked about with both singular and plural friends is that, because of how the brain has been wired, there seems to be a greater awareness and direct experience of subconscious activity. like psychosis and hallucinations are implicit memory projections that, instead of going by the "normal" chain of command like "hey, conscious awareness and present moment experiencer, i'm feeling this", it bypasses all that and automatically impacts how you perceive sensory stimulus. as you heal, you become aware of and are able to put word to these subconscious experiences. but like, everyone's subconscious experiences are absolutely wild. it's kinda just that they not only seem to have less access, but also that access and awareness isn't exactly required. that awareness allows us to experience triggers and navigate life, while also having that sense of "yes, that happened and it was bad. i see and love you, and understand the pain you're experiencing. it's now time and you're not alone; i'm here to protect and care for you" towards ourselves

[@Astraember]

I feel u so hard on being misunderstood. I’m neurodivergent too and I feel like I can’t make genuine connections bc of my words being misconstrued… it’s really hard when you’re really trying to be nice or just yourself and it’s taken the wrong way.

[@MiniNymph]

Clicking 43 seconds after upload! I will probably need to watch in sections

[@laughatdarkness1286]

Havent watched yet but ur content has always inspired us. Especially Enid. It helps us have hope for our future to see a fellow system doing their thing.