The Vindictive Nature of Narcissism

Narcissistic people are particularly sensitive to threats to their self-esteem, sense of superiority and entitlement and can react with vindictiveness when they perceive such threats. Because they lack both empathy and humility a threat could be a disgreement, a different perspective, even someone’s boundaries.
This video outlines some of the common reasons behind their vindictive nature and gives some examples of how their vindictiveness can manifest in their different relationships and interactions.
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[@forrestfey]

”Sometimes they seek revenge for the consequenses of their own behavior.” Wow, that kind of behavior you can se in the news. Narcissists can be realy dangerous.

[@Flotsam7jetsam]

I find the number one most telling trait of narcissism is it that they are often both victim AND perpetrator.

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

This. 100% this!

[@myjourneytotruth]

True. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

[@myjourneytotruth]

​@camoflash7621 since coverts usually become unstable with their victims success I suggest you visit him just to ruffle some feathers just with your presence and your ongoing trail of achievements 😂

[@FroggyFrog9000]

npd's have 'victim mindset' - just like the devil does.

[@camellia8625]

@@camoflash7621sounds like reactive abuse. I am sorry that this has happened to you

[@more444store6]

Getting ready to listen to this, but it is the one thing that they live by. Vindictiveness. They want to know who is to blame, and they are going to sock it to them. If there is no one, they will falsely accuse so they have a "right" to sock it to you. They crave to hurt people. All the narcissists I have ever known, this is their biggest problem. They really want to punish and hurt someone. Innocent person? No problem.

[@thecustodian1023]

The wild part is that if they go after you and you have the ability to stand up to them no matter what they throw at you, they will destroy their own world trying to take you down.

[@myjourneytotruth]

​@@thecustodian1023true, my parents did this to get at one another and destroyed themselves but unfortunately I became their mutual prey along the way since middle school when I needed them the most. So in a family setting the narcissism between parents does impact the children at large scale starting at a very young age.

[@cazjay017]

I have experienced a narcissists retaliations. They do use social media and other areas to look for anything to set you up, plant something to use against you.

[@ladyvirgo013]

I got the silent treatment often by my husband of 12 years...i could never make sense of it,hes a habitual cheater as well. Im grateful hes gone,he wasted enough of my life

[@PJF56]

I always thought my narcissistic mother was punishing me for the things her father did to her.

[@jasminrose4412]

Bolanca had a healthcare worker at home now she a healthcare worker and her mother has everything she wanted in 2015 👀👻👌🏼

[@erikavaleries]

My mother screamed the confession mid rage - that I should know what it’s like to have an abusive mother.

[@life-rethought]

I experienced the flip of this twice. first from my father. and late in life a short term husband. both abused or betrayed by their mothers.

[@matthewchapman6395]

Never doubt how evil these creatures are, they will kill your pets, vandalise property, instigate mobbing and stalking, just about anything to damage their target. They also seem to have a never ending supply of like minded creatures. Let them follow their own road to hell.

[@Susan-nm3sx]

You are absolutely correct! I've been so unhappy today after realising I'll never get justice against this vendetta from these people, 14 years and no let up. 😢

[@harrietleah212]

my dad killed our family pet, when he knew he was going to move out before my parents divorced. I went away for a week and I was surprised and how chill he was about it (it was with a man and he was usually incestually possessive and jealous). It turns out he put my dog down the day after I left. I heard him lying to the vet for weeks prior saying he wasnt eating or moving when he was. No one in my family ever spoke about it and acted 'scared' when i got home saying they were scared i would have a big reaction and that i was cruel and unfair to everyone by questioning it and being angry and upset. he hid away for a few days and never spoke about it. This man was evil and im so glad i never have to see or speak to him again

[@kat-75]

The gates are wide open for them

[@flightmama3191]

Magnificent gratitude beautiful SOUL, U R so right, mine killed my chickens and then my cat now he's onto social media trashing me 😂😂😂😂😂But it's ok he's addicted to porn & loves playing with himself 🎉🎉🎉🎉let him.....

[@sirrantsalott]

My mother whom I went no contact with a year ago is contacting me despite no contact rule is in place and lawyers are involved. She is being “sweet” in her message to me today. The only reason it got through is that I got a new phone. Without a second thought I blocked her and anyone who’d play 3rd party for her. And I do not feel an ounce of guilt, only annoyed.

[@matthewgriffin253]

you described my mother perfectly.

[@christymckee8133]

A narchole partner also gets vindictive if their signifigant other recieves any kind of compliment or praise. Big competition

[@jo-annahicks3324]

'Narchole'....that cracked me up!...perfect descriptive word!

[@daringgreatly8473]

They collect offenses in their back pocket to justify their cruelty to you. They use plausible deniability as well.

[@ladyvirgo013]

And an offense to them can simply be TRUTH

[@bkpsly1]

If they have been professionally diagnosed with NPD like my husband, you can count on them being vindictive. He just recently torpedoed our 29 year marriage because of this trait (among all the others mentioned here). They are petulant children inside. This was a great video! Thank you Darren! You always have good stuff on your channel!

[@killjoyredux8361]

29 years... Good grief

[@flightmama3191]

Ohhh I can do U one better, I've been fooled for 42 years but I'm out four months and amazingly baffled at his stupid and immaturity. He's destroying our house and insisting he get 100,000. Out of it .. hasn't taken garbage or recycling out for four months and moved in another family and destroyed them too, after killing my cat and my chickens 😢😢😢😢😢never underestimate these MONSTERS ❤

[@taom9004]

Darren, you always say something I've said myself, except you always say it better. The chord which struck today was the notion that the narcissist seeks revenge for a perceived slight that their behaviour created. My ex would be so selfish. I did not know what narcissism is, let alone how to behave wisely around such a creature. I grew up as the scapegoated truth teller with two narc parents and carried on tilting at windmills all through my marriage...ugh. So when pushed to the brink and beyond, I would sometimes punctuate my impassioned, often repeated, "That's NOT TRUE"s with, "Well, you are either cruel or stupid, to have said X or done Y." But I stayed with selfish, stupid and cruel for three decades, so I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer [full of dull knives]. Thing is, he could never see why I was so upset. I really don't think he could. He would set us up and when I reacted [reactive abuse?] he'd play the victim and sulk or rage. But, he'd wait until I was really vulnerable to get his 'revenge.' And that was the word he used. Like when he would hoover me and, not wanting to go back without deeper understanding/connection, I would ask, "Why would you DO that?" he replied, "Well, you know. Revenge. Sorry about that." It seemed insane to me. Who wants revenge when you could have a partner you worked things out with? Red flags all over but I did not have the first clue what I was up against.

[@naturelover-f6h]

Wow this is timely - my narc (soon to be ex) literally sent me a text saying if he gets punched (metaphorically speaking) he will punch back 10 times. He calls is "survival".

[@forrestfey]

No, it just makes him feel good.

[@jcsrst]

Reminds me of a few famous people in the news a lot...

[@kaynock1585]

My narc dad is the poster child for this video. He’s 81, been retired 14 years but has a mole inside his competitors business for the purpose of taking away all their contracts and customers. He delights in it!

[@sh6460]

It seems it's not only feeling wronged, but having something or achieving something can make you a target because they MUST be more somehow.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Right. I've been the target of narcissists just for doing my job. LOL! Anything and everything can become a narcissistic injury. Narcissists are scary. Sometimes, they are getting supply somewhere else (yelling at their spouse or kids) and so you don't see it at work. But... many narcs, going through a divorce, they suddenly start narc-ing at work. Ugh! Don't be their punching bag. Quit that job, if you have to. I did. And life has been so much better self-employed. If I meet a narc-y client, I say I'm too busy to work for them and turn down that job. I will never again enable a narc with my work.

[@erikavaleries]

I needed that, thank you. I’m blamed for a genetic condition, probably because I’m not serving as my mother’s punching bag anymore. The cruelty has been shocking from an educated woman with what seems a perfect life. She seems bored and searching for drama.

[@janetpattison8474]

Narcissists LOVE drama & like magic, they can create it out of thin air wherever they go. They also live in cloaked misery. And They want others to be in misery as well. Don’t think you’ll be happy around a narc. They’ll make sure to bring u down to their level w/ criticism, roundabout jabs, complaining or general unhappiness w/ others. There is NO fixing it, except no contact.

[@erikavaleries]

@@janetpattison8474 I agree, no contact is best, even being disabled. Strangers are more helpful than narcissists.

[@sirrantsalott]

Darren Magee the man, the healer, the educator. Great content as always.

[@LoveDancingLoveSinging]

All very recognizable and true!

[@christymckee8133]

The narchole I married and had a child with only married me and knocked me up out of spite to his ex who he wouldnt marry and couldnt have children. He then resented me because of this. He resented my mother because she was a very sweet loving mother and his mother was not. Then there is my sister, who hated me since the day my mom said shes having another baby. My sister being 4 years old and my mom having my brother when my sister was 3 years old. That the very spoiled 3 year old thought she was getting a baby doll but what she got was all her attention taken away from her. Anywho, she told me she hated me pretty much every day until I was 16. She had got married and seen how her new hubby and his sister were loving and good to each other. And his parents wouldve been repulsed at how she treated me (and still treats me somewhat to this day because I broke all her toys when i was 3. We're now in our 40s. She still brings it up). So when I was 16 my sister all the sudden wanted to have a relationship with her sister. So now she "loves me" ofcourse but she thinks Im a piece of shit and will go out of her way to make me look like a piece of shit while she is volunteer of the century. Im a narchole magnet. They hate me because I am who I say I am and dont really care what others think of me so it seems to me theyve got to try and challenge that. I could be wrong but thats the only way i can make any sense out of what ive experienced as to why i seem to be a narhole magnet...

[@selfesteem3447]

When it comes to narcissist family hating family, it also has to alot to do w/ the narc seeing not just their off-spring/kids as an extension of themselves/owning them, but the same for family members being an extension of themselves/feeling as they own family members too. And the competition elements within family's. And much much more too, of course. Also being that as typical but not all family groups, members of a family looking alike. When narcs look in the mirror and see their face in yours. And even gestures and voices sounding similar. Not to mention, narcs just HATE in general, they hate EVERYBODY. And as for being a narchole magnet, I am a narchole magnet too. And, like how kids on the playground can pick out of, all the kids, the one who has it the hardest at home,...doesn't get fed properly, dosent get properly loved, is living in abuse... kids can always spot the downtrodden one. I'm working on trying not to reveal a damnthing about myself but I'm also super authentic, so hard to do. But I have finally realized what is more important ? To stick to my diehard self on remaining authentic ? (No!) (Not Working, done w/that and what a shame ya know) or do whatever I must to NOT REVEAL to possible narcs a mfn thing. So hope in moving forward, this works for myself. Best wishes to you in moving forward. And, off topic,but let's also try to make the upcoming Holidays a good one. Bc as we know, having a narc family, Holidays are unpleasant.

[@alicecoppers8980]

I married a narcissist who got me to marry him and got me pregnant, just to say he did it to make his girlfriend jealous.

[@fatiss8595]

Or it could be someone's light irritated their demons😮

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

Too much goodness really throws the narcissist in a tailspin.

[@lovinglife-tq4pv]

Mine tells me that he hates how excited I get about things. Before I understood narcissism, I could not understand why my happiness was so aggravating.

[@thecustodian1023]

@@lovinglife-tq4pv Same with someone having some success they can't claim they are responsible for. They hate it with a blinding irrational rage.

[@selfesteem3447]

They go through all this trouble to reinvent themselves and to be a "somebody" who is better than everyone else. Kill off "true self", recreate "false self". Deep down they know they are fake on the inside and so when they see authentic people, they hate them and Thereby, HATE themselves even more than they ever did before. This is why it's so massive to them. A reflection/reminder back to the narc, they will never advance their "false self" into their "ultimate self"/who they strive to be as their Pinnacle Self/become better than their own false self,..later in life. I recall narcs saying "don't you just hate it when somebody is always so nice" Saying this in front of me to another narc, w/it being probable I was the one being referred to. And don't ever forget, cluster B's hate nice people, ABSOLUTELY DETEST nice people. DO NOT FORGET THIS.. AND FURTHER...Seeing you as pathetic and weak & DESERVING of retribution.

[@TC-gx3qn]

I don't think you missed a thing, Darren! Yes, this is it exactly. Thank you for another great teaching. So eye-opening when you see them seek revenge for the consequences of their own behavior-pure insanity! Homework: Never give a narcissist a second chance to do more damage.

[@jonnuanez7183]

My mother will GET you. That is her mission. "Get" you for what? Who knows. I don't even think she knows. She just seems to run on programming. I remember there was a period where she would chase down people whom she thought cut her off on the street. We'd be flying down the street, she'd roll down her window, and shake their finger at them. I was 7-8 years old when this all happened, and that was when I started thinking that there's something really wrong with her. She also still hates her husband #3's main friend. He used to come over to play chess and they'd listen to old school jazz. That would set her off and they had many fights about this, even when no one knew why other than him having a friend-which of course deviates attention from her.

[@WolfdogBURN]

They ought to be institutionalized, like they should be unabled to terrorize people. Free society from those sick creatures. They can't be happy either free or trapped. They're in their hell either way.

[@alicecoppers8980]

There is no treatment for these narcissistic people. They are innocent and wont accept any help. Worked in prisons of CA for 30 yrs. The prisons are full of them, its not a mental illness, its a personality disorder like psychopath

[@ladyvirgo013]

Yes! They are a major threat to humanity

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Extremely educational and accurate: I saw my parents, a former romantic interest, and a former friend. No further protective actions need to be taken with last two. Just keep them former. Regarding my parents, no contact is the remedy. Living 800 miles away enhances the no contact. Thank you.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you Darren. Your observations are Spot on!

[@Susan-nm3sx]

I rejected what i thought was a toxic friend for threatening me, little did i know what she was. In her job she was able to look into my private affairs, with tbe help of others she probably lied to, to get information, she succeeded. This person confronted me on the street and told me she has information about me, obviously to cause me distress, it has, she even got her son and his family to move into the house next door to me, i know how unbelievable this sounds, but its all true, i cannot breathe without all this family knowing, ive been trying to look into breach of data protection, but its going to be extremely difficult to prove, been crying all day out of frustration. This woman is a monster, i know shes done similar things to other people too. 😢

[@vickybee5842]

My mother in law was so cruel to my husband, sometimes she would said what she did to him like it was funny; but, one of the worse things she did to him as a child, was to force him to eat something that he didn't like, she would hit him to force him to eat, and after he was done eating, she would serve him more to "teach him a lesson", and more hitting and yelling would accompany the torture; one of my sisters in law told me this with such a pride that their mom did that to him; when I told her that that was cruel, she was surprised that I said that and she right away started to justified her horrible mother.😠

[@mvbigmagic4048]

It's insane the things my mom told me she did when I was young, and as I got older, I told my husband, and he goes, "That's horrible." And I realized... oh yeah. God.... she is horrible. Growing up with narcissistic parents is like growing up in a cult. You really do not know what is normal. :( My mother-in-law is my role-model for parenting now.

[@mattyboy3908]

Darren, I always like listening to your videos. You articulate all of my thoughts about my abusive ex, now of 10 years. After we had children, I was well and truly discarded. She took a sledgehammer to our relationship, took the kids and, as you highlighted, that’s when the abusiveness stepped up a gear. I spent so long trying to work out what on earth had happened and who this person was that I was married to. I didn’t even know what narcissism was until I started reading about it and was shocked to see all my ex’s traits laid out bare. It was both comforting and chilling to know what I had been and continue to deal with. Now, as out children are older, they can also sadly see what their mother is really like and how they too are on the receiving end of her narcissistic abuse. They didn’t deserve her. It makes me sick that I am powerless to stop it.

[@daniellinville192]

What happens when narcissism combines with a delusional disorder? When I was five, my father decided he had no son, and that I was an imposter sent to spy on him. Now advanced in age, he still calls my employers to tell them he is an investigator, frightening them that I am impersonating a son he never had, that my identification, transcripts, and references are all forgeries.

[@neilmurphy966]

Do u think it's a form of schizophrenia.. could talk to his doctor with concerns!? It sounds like something along those lines.

[@thorn-rc9lz]

The irony that you posted this on the weekend that my mother refused to let me take my siblings out for a day...because she said i told her she "ruined my life" and I'm apparently "trying to make her pay for things she's apologized." I'm 25. My siblings are 9, 12, and 16 - and she will not me spend time with them outside of her home.

[@myjourneytotruth]

I have a feeling most of us have the same mom multiplied overtime 😂

[@southerncatlady]

I am SO grateful to see a video on narcissistic vindictiveness. Thank you! I was told for YEARS how WOMEN are ALWAYS vindictive, and how it's ONLY women who are vindictive. And yet as the years passed, I realized that my ex was TERRIBLY vindictive. When he didn't get his way, when I tried to leave him because of his abuse or even when I refused to admit guilt for something I didn't do, he'd post revenge p*rn, threaten to call government bodies on me, rally flying monkeys and hurl insults about my character, my body and certain medical issues of mine. He always set out for revenge. Which is exactly what he said WOMEN do!

[@msportster6791]

Hello, and thank you for your videos! Whenever I see videos like this one about narcissists, you describe my brother in-law to the T! It really is him! Anyway, thanks again. I’ve learned a lot.

[@gloriajohnson3626]

Excellent information. Thank you.

[@charlielondon722]

They here the truth❤️😇🙏

[@selfesteem3447]

ikr😏

[@DS-fo4ed]

Spot on

[@differentyetsame]

Thank you so much for this, good timing

[@imnoel8214]

Thank you Darren. Their vindictiveness is my greatest concern even long after going no contact; I'm still looking over my shoulder, and looking forward to the time when I can move away. For new people, how can we test them in order to see the mask slipping early on?

[@Cornusnuttallii]

If you haven't watched other videos that talk about their process, you should watch them and then it just jumps right out at you from the start. The love-bombing comes first. Then watch to see if they are mining for information they can use about you, or if they are trying to set you up as a flying monkey for them. Or maybe they genuinely like you. Watch many videos.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

They can hide it for a long time, if they have supply from somewhere else. But, the biggest tell is if you tell them, "No." They may ask why or try to bargain. But if you say, "I can't discuss the reasons right now." And they continue to press..... even months later.... this person has a problem. No means no. A narcissist feels like they own you. And they must know why their appendage cannot be controlled.

[@targetedtyranny4661]

These groups really understand human nature I believe, going through community harassment due to ,well not exactly sure,There's some conspiracy that say police have programs that harass target,whether you've angered a member,a narcissistic injury,but I'm stalked and harassed daily,can't have a decent job ,if I get a good job a smear campaign is done then they use employees to harass me out the workplace.These groups understand human nature,how easy it is to destroy someone's character,I believe accusations of wrong doing is a big part,but mostly I believe they are attacking character all together,twisting past,digging up dirt,reactive abuse is a huge part,harassing to the point you freak out,then shoe how your unstable, or the abuser,setting up situations where you look incompetent,lazy ,stupid out right lie,they are teaching people to hate,these people never even talked to me,don't know me,it really is crazy,then the tactics used,covertly done makes you sound like you have a persecutionary disorder, or paranoid delusions,some seem quite proud of tearing down others,then the word evil comes out,which I believe is also a symtom of some disorders,believing the world is evil,and everyone wants to knock you down,It is quite insidious.

[@susanparker9877]

Excellent video!

[@Jacqueline-re3nh]

This 100% describes my ex boyfriend. I just wish I'd figured him out before wasting 8 grueling years of my life with him.

[@waywardstitch8604]

My narc mom would get vengeful if I just dare to breathe her air, not even kidding. 😣

[@WolfdogBURN]

Do they get physically violent? 👍

[@janetpattison8474]

Are all ppl vindictive to a greater or lesser extent IF they believe they’ve been seriously mistreated? Without any anger I told a narc how what she said was an attack. I could see the attack mode in her snarling face and her snotty voice. Her extremely angry response, was to claim it ABSOLUTELY was not an ATTACK. Hmmmm. Different viewpoints for sure, and this has been going on for 24 years. Family.

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

Only if you consider no contact vindictive. The narchole does.

[@neilmurphy966]

Last few weeks I've been pulling a friend's wheelie bin out for them down wide paved steps of their apartment block as they haven't been very well seem to be a bit weak with breathing and fatigue.. neighbour who shares block doesn't like me or her neighbour and each time, Wednesday evening or Thursday morning when bin is brought back into garden at back metal bolt is always pushed through gate very tight takes both my hands to wiggle it to loosen to put bin back.. it's very very rarely like that any other time, sounds paranoid but got feeling neighbour is marking her territory and is making it difficult as I'm helping someone she dislikes.. she watches and tries to control everything eg she puts two bricks on lids of her bins and I took one r cently to put on lid of another neighbour ascwind blew it open and litter fell into elderly couple's garden so had to try and stop it..and only thing I could find was that and they don't belong to her anyway.. no empathy for the elderly couple having to go and pick up the mess at all.. so many incidents I've lost count it's easier to bow down and give in but either way it creates unease and fear I'm just going to do what I believe is right from now on and reasonable. So..sadism there I think as likes idea of myself or neighbour straining to open gate I think.. it feels pretty vindictive tho I know is only a small thing but added to so many others it's a chilling feeling

[@jomassey4207]

Could you please discuss how to deal with a narcissist, who is blocking me from getting my regular prescription from my drs practice. At the moment my dr has left, without notice and we have a locum. The narcissist is the office manager, who has been put in charge of the practice. She has a vendetta against me for no known reason. I have had a severe intractable pelvic and genital nerve condition, for 25 yrs by a gynaecologist who butchered me. Why would a narcissist want to endanger my safety and ability to live, by my usual monthly scripts, lying, ignoring and holding control over me....( and my father)? I dont want to leave the drs practice as its a short drive and my chemist knows me well. I am getting legal advice next week but need your advice. Thanks Jo.

[@janm9610]

Everything was about control. I lothe the day i met him . Im good now😅 Hes so insecure, jealous, was a bully, probably messed up sexually as he and his ex wife were into porn routinely, Sexually texted my daughter in-law and blamrd everyone else. Hes a loser, moved in with another target while we were syill married and told in himself ehen he called me the covert narcissist,! 🤮

[@exlesoes]

Their intensity is not justified. You can't be rational that's why there's so much possibility for gaslighting thus being a truthteller. I just don't get the fun of lying all that much I mean... it's not that I want something even. I just... don't think lying is doing anything if you want to be clever maybe try actually playing chess and being good at it. And lying isn't even "gift of the the gab" either. They're treatment of others as objects in a way implodes but they have to keep it together. They know their game better than I do. I'm just imagining if you want an "object" (let's say) to move you move it but if you can't but it's not an object it's a person you have to delve into this... I don't know what maybe magical thinking? That's what THEY (really nobodies) utilize which is mind gaming other people. It's sad.

[@garrettdoeslivestreams6979]

I thought all narcs middle name was indicated.

[@Photoshoplilli]

I love your videos but what's up with your eyes in this video … they seem almost fake? is it just me?

[@Metastate12]

You need a better microphone

[@jasoncruickshank1954]

Omfg