Ten Signs of Narcissistic Neglect

[@DarrenFMagee]

Second part of this video looking the long term affects of emotional neglect in a relationship to follow. Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos.

[@angelagrech4996]

❤yes

[@mats6504]

3 questions I would like to ask a mental health professional are as follows. If a covert narcissist(unaware) is struggling with anxiety and depression and seeks help for this, then how likely is it that the therapist will discover that the person is in fact a covert narcissist? If a therapist does discover it, will he/she then confront the narcissist about it? (What I m really asking here is "does she know herself "? ) What percentage of all covert narcissists out there is properly diagnosed by a mental health professional?

[@justjay488]

Please provide more information on neglectful narcissism. This is a topic that is rarely covered, but many people struggle in this painful confusing dynamic.

[@albussnape2]

Please address the narcissism/covert narcissism and control issues of therapists

[@dee33224]

Thank you for covering this! I’m looking for Part 2: The long term effects of emotional neglect. Will you please give the link?

[@veeraganeshiyer]

Spot on ! "Nothing is ever really discussed properly, nothing is ever really resolved" 👏

[@andreabuntpercy]

After a while, I just felt invisible in my relationship with a covert narcissist. A one-way support system that never looped back. Now I'm overjoyed to have a partner who actually enjoys making me feel supported. Night and day!

[@annabanzon313]

Pls.explain the signs

[@AprilMartinChartrandMS]

Never again. Thanks for confirming that I was with evil people all my life. I'd rather stay free as I am now. Never again.

[@helenarubio3371]

me too. Any narc free day is a great day.

[@liljerseygirl249]

Me too, 100%

[@LEM19284]

Thank YOU. My same sentiment

[@Cornusnuttallii]

I was at a pub recently and I walked across the room to talk to someone who had been doing some work at my house. A young woman at the bar turned around and said to me, "You're pacing!" Now knowing what I know, I just laughed.

[@marinettecachin5931]

Brilliant! Thank you for this video. This type of narc are very smart, cunning and plain dangerous for your mental health. When there is a discomfort in this so called “connection”and it’s painful and the narc is unavailable to talk about it because of “ work and meetings”please get out of it and be assertive. You need to flight away.

[@MsK-xm7vw]

I don’t ever remember a hug, being told I was loved, or ever experiencing parental compassion. But, it was made so much worse by having to watch my sister (the Golden Child) receive all three in abundance. I function now, but I’m dead inside, self isolate, and trust no one.

[@reneec2583]

Now that you mention it, I don't remember getting a genuine hug. The only time he would hug me was to try to show others that we had a 'normal' relationship. It felt so unnatural. I self isolate and trust no one as well.

[@taom9004]

Jesu, that's brutal. Same. No 'I love you's' and certainly no hugs. Lots of mocking "Oh, you poor thing. Poor baby, you are soooo hard done by." But my brother? To this day [we are in our sixties, both parents still alive and kicking] he is the apple of their eye. His children are fawned over, mine ignored. They're almost obsessed. And he does have, naturally, a very attractive, very likeable personality. I, on the other hand, might break and tell you the truth, so I must be contained and punished. But there is a path to healing. I've gone yellow/grey rock with my Dad for four decades now, and grey rock with my mum for a year and a half, severely limit contact with both, and never spend time with my ex. And how did I learn to do this? This youtube channel is a good start. I also love Drs Ramani, Sage, and Malkin. I would avoid therapy before some time with these experts, and then if you go you will know if your therapist will help or do more harm than good. And maybe try to volunteer to help a six year old learn to read, or at a food bank or animal shelter. Being of service feels amazing. And you meet others who are givers, not takers [beware, tho, of the communal narcissists. But once you know what to look for, they become easy to spot] There are good people in the world. My job, for what's left of my life, is to be very calculating, very careful with my heart, and only let the good ones in. If I have to [family wedding this summer] spend time with emotional vampires, I will do my best to practise radical acceptance and keep my wits about me. And drink all their best wine, although knowing my father he'll likely hide it.

[@truthjunkie63]

So sorry😢

[@jksandman000]

"I love you" combined with ignoring, dismissing, and minimizing is a painful gaslight too

[@MCat-yv3hl]

I’m so sorry. Not just being emotionally rejected but seeing another sibling getting the love you’re missing. I get it.

[@francoisgouws7288]

The neglect is often overlooked in narcissistic abuse.

[@alliegreenwold2631]

Now with a non-narcissistic person: A whole different universe! No egg-shells, clear communication, an interested partnership. It’s so sweet!

[@ursalaoutrageous9249]

I did not know there was this category of narcissist - neglectful - but this exactly describes the guy I was married to for thirty years. Ever single point.

[@lindalarson5468]

Yes, It is like outlining my marriage to my ex.

[@csstudio3648]

Yes, I was married to one too for 30 years. Horrible! After that, I got into another relationship that is now revealing, 2 years in, that he is the same. It took a while to figure it out as he is much more vulnerable and loving than the ex ever was. It is disheartening, to say the least.😢💔

[@jeriborer8732]

This was my marriage. He was so generous and giving with other people, even strangers. He was the typical good guy. But as a husband he was a liar and cheater. He was never verbally or physically abusive. But the silent treatments were torturous. Whenever I confronted him with his lying or cheating he would ALWAYS deny, deny, deny. If I didn't have concrete evidence, he would never admit guilt!! The last affair he had, which finally ended our marriage, I had to become a fucking private detective. I had to prove that I knew the truth! He still tried to deny it 😂. I spent many nights on the SOFA crying myself to sleep while he slept like a baby in our cozy bed. He was not affected at all by my deepest sense of pain.

[@debscornercanada]

One of the MAIN signs your with a narc is feeling the need to tape or investigate.

[@kawaiisenshi2401]

😢

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

I'm glad you got out of there. What a jerk.

[@jeriborer8732]

@Elizabeth-yg2mg Thanks! Much better now. I've done the healing work. Much happier being single now and back to my true self. Hope you are well 😊

[@kawaiisenshi2401]

@jeriborer8732 Thank you for updating us! Just got the narcissist that was in my life out of my home!! I agree with you the new uncovered peace is incredible ☺️

[@muhammadsteinberg]

I've received narcissistic neglect, and then when there's interaction, it's abusive.

[@kristinmeyer489]

They do this to you, create situations where you depend or rely on them, and then leave you in the dust, to blame you for not doing well.

[@andreabuntpercy]

A good friend talks about her childhood of abuse and being picked upon for the worst punishments of all her siblings.She turned things around as an adult, I think, by becoming the most compassionate person I know. I'm not sure how that happens, but I am in awe. She's just a lovely person.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Andrea. I’m like your friend. It’s so lovely you acknowledge her here. I hope she is able to take care of herself. I unfortunately had an inbuilt tolerance part that I did not know about and it led me to not good places.

[@TheAshesArt]

Speaking from experience, it’s possible she turned things around by learning how not to be in her childhood environment.

[@andreabuntpercy]

@@TheAshesArt That sounds right. So with a little help from friends and/or a good therapist.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

The desire to NEVER be like your abusers can be strong.

[@mamamuzic]

​​@@lavenderkisses9461hat was totally me. I lost it in college and punched my roommate and it scared me so bad how automatic it was to repeat the abuse! I got therapy and faced those hidden tragedies at a young age and boy, am I grateful.

[@dianemoril7612]

At the time I was very ill, and my visits to the city’s emergency departments were not working. my doctor had just changed hospitals and I was waiting for a date for surgery. one night I felt very tired and wondered if I would still be alive the next day. It was the weekend and my husband had gone to visit his parents two hours away from home. I wrote him a text saying that I felt bad, that I was afraid to die during the night. I asked him to call me the next day to check on me, and come home early to feed our pets. The next day he texted me: are you okay? Me: Yes, I’m fine. he: great and that’s it. It’s shocking because that night I really felt bad. But this is just a tiny part of the neglect I suffered. I was alone with all my illness, during surgery, and recovery. I was alone even when he was standing next to me. And when I started taking charge of myself again, getting really better, getting out of his control, he left me. we were a very quiet couple, we didn’t argue, and many of our friends considered my husband to be a nice person. I understood only after that it was not serenity but avoidance, not kindness but cowardice. . after reflection I understood that the narcissistic person enters through our faults. If we need to be nursed, pampered, he’ll dangle it to enter our lives and destroy everything. it is a fool’s deal, he promises things he will not deliver, and we take the deal because the promise affects us where we are most vulnerable. . In conclusion I would say that if you have big vulnerabilities, you can’t enter into a romantic relationship and the risk of attracting a narcissist is very high. We must first accept that no one can fill our gaps for us. no one can erase our childhood injuries, no one can serve us as a crutch. if one enters into a relationship with the intention of standing alone, there is no more room for an unhealthy relationship, no more fool's deal, no more temptation. The problem isn’t out there, it’s in there. . my point is, the moment I became more independent and didn't give a single shit about his opinion anymore, my husband left the house. so, I was the problem. this is my experience. I don't mean to undermine the struggle you are in. I mean to empower you and make you see that in some ways, you are more powerful than you think. we are more powerful than we think. blessings!

[@spacegirl226]

"we were a very quiet couple, we didn’t argue, and many of our friends considered my husband to be a nice person. I understood only after that it was not serenity but avoidance, not kindness but cowardice." YES. YES. YES. This was my "marriage" too. We rarely fought or argued, up until the end when I was so dead inside that I couldn't provide anything else. When I stood up for myself and said I was done apologizing for things that he wouldn't forgive me for anyway, I got the discard. I love the way you worded that statement. So, so true. I hope you are doing much better!

[@Electric-Bird-Set-Free]

Once again I feel like a bobble head… just nodding along with every single thing. It’s a sad existence but it’s nice to feel validated

[@izawaniek2568]

This is so true. I have experienced it and it has been so painful. Some narcisists also neglect feeding their kids food. Neglect is equally evil as active abuse is. Narcisists are driven by evil. Horrible.

[@shanerob681]

This is exactly what I was experiencing in my marriage. My husband was unemployed by choice because he didn’t want to work for anyone and was always focused exclusively on the next project he thought would bring him closer to working for himself whether it be writing a book, researching plants so he could sell flowers by the roadside, or designing affordable homes. I couldn’t even get him to have conversation over dinner. Eventually, he started giving me the silent treatment and refused to eat anything I prepared. And he called me needy when I asked to have an actual relationship and occasionally do things together. However, when there were people around, he would put on the biggest show and try to hold my hand and hug me. It was so wicked. I still remember the moment when I realised what he was doing and I refused to play along, which probably made other people think that I was cold. Towards the end of our relationship he would accuse me of being cold when I would not go along with whatever he wanted. He has been neglectful throughout the divorce process and refuses to respond to my lawyer or provide any of the required paperwork. At this point, the separation has lasted longer than the marriage.

[@roadwarrior7401]

perfectly described , although theres nothing wrong wanting to work for oneself and be an entreprauer........

[@catbee1452]

OMG, you are the first person I know who's experienced the same thing as me: the sappy, physical attention only in the presence of other people!!!!!! It is so painful and you are right, it's cold and WICKED. I've started pushing him away IN FRONT of people now. I want them to see I don't accept his fake ass 'love'. My friends and family should know me well enough by now to know that I'M not the cold one. It should be a red flag to them that something's wrong.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

I have found spot on comparisons in so many users' comments, but yours is the first one that talked about the flower thing! And I'm experiencing the same delay, silence and lack of cooperation now that he's INSISTED on and promised to divorce-- now 2 months later, still nothing... Not new!

[@catbee1452]

Oh Lord, this is my 44 year marriage. Every one of these points ARE my husband. It's been hell for years and I just couldn't put a name to it. No wonder that when I fully pulled away from him about 5 ears ago and began to ignore him bc I couldn't take it anymore, he doubled down with emotional neglect. If I walked into a room, he walked out. If I try to discuss something important with him, he literally has an allergy attack and starts sneezing to the point where he has to leave to go blow his nose. Then he doesn't return. I can't believe that with all the years of counseling, that NONE of the counselors picked up on this. Our friends and family always thought he was the nicest guy but nothing could of been further from the truth. This man literally can see me visually upset about something and broken down in tears and he just stares at me for a few moments and walks away. I can't stand being with him anymore but now he's older and has developed dementia. I[m now serving a life sentence in this relationship.

[@Oceansgreen]

Don’t let that stop you, just leave… enjoy what life you have left, don’t spend it looking after someone who doesn’t deserve it.

[@Algernon451]

Mine too. This was very revealing. Incredibly accurate.

[@carminaburana9765]

These videos are painful to watch because it always brings up really hard memories, and often ones I don't expect. I really appreciate them, though.

[@pinapple60]

I think the other thing should be highlighted as narcissistic neglect is caring for our physical needs when we are struggling with our health which is often made worse in a narcissistic relationship. My health has deteriorated considerably since being with him over 11 years. I took two meds a day now I’m on 12.

[@fpdhu]

It's just insane how accurate these videos are, they are so so spot on and it blows my mind how, not just Darren but also the other narc psychotherapists know all this, everything Darren said there was 100% true

[@imaginepeace7588]

Agree 💯‼️. The accuracy and how spot on they are blows my mind too. I am so grateful I found these doctors. I desperately needed answers and clarity about what has been going on. So very grateful. ☮️

[@MCat-yv3hl]

Yes. I think I filled the Bingo card on this one.

[@randy_cbc8811]

Yes, Darren Magee, Dr. Ramani and Les Carter, and I especially like Dr Emily Mayfield cuz she's so precise and analytical, but they're all very good.

[@shuchirai13]

True

[@jamesconner5004]

I was with a narc for 30 years, the last five she did not speak to me except to say yes or no sigh, look disgusted and walk away. This stage began when my daughters left for college. If I asked for a shoulder rub I would get the sigh, tweet seconds of half hearted effort and then the kicker, never again. Anything she could determine I liked she withheld as a matter of course I learned not to ask and to never say what I liked for fear of withholding and further neglect and sabotage. She finally left when I gave her back the silent treatment for a few weeks. She was outraged. Since then she has been working to turn my children against me in any way she can, since she knows how much I love them and am devoted to them.

[@ricklegendary2990]

I went through something similar, she looked hateful when I started talking about intimacy

[@ppetree]

My narcissistic ex would give me attention so rarely that I felt starved and just when I started looking for the door then she'd give me just enough attention to make me think it was all in my head. It took years for me to recognize the pattern.

[@moonkatmagic5599]

Breadcrumbs 😢

[@PhilPetree]

@@moonkatmagic5599 Yep, that's exactly what it was, breadcrumbs. It was about 12 years into my marriage when I realized that she'd never told me she loved me unless it was in response to my telling her first. If I got something, it was just what I did being echoed back. Nothing ever came from her heart.

[@moonkatmagic5599]

Wishing you all the best ✨🙏

[@hellosoleil]

Why they don’t like intimacy? This looks really like what I lived. Do they want us to try to communicate with them, and then argue?

[@dragonclaws9367]

I feel like an old couch he left on the curb that he is done using.

[@dianejones7308]

Some people get busy and preoccupied. My ex narc forgot my birthday eight years in a row in the middle of a 25-year marriage. Eventually he asked me what my birthday was and figured out that he had missed those birthdays.

[@francoisgouws7288]

Thank God it's an ex!

[@muhammadsteinberg]

I sympathize with you. Mine did the same to me. Birthdays and Xmas. If I have to remind her, it's not the same.

[@penelopemason3786]

They never forget, they choose to fuel. All done for upset and a reaction... Sad, right Take care care ❤

[@NomadHeart22]

I really needed this today as I needed a push to leave this neglectful narcissistic relationship. I needed this specific information to make it clear for me. Thank you so much.

[@IreneTozetti-v5n]

I'm living with my brother and he's a covert narc. I'm 73 and he's 57. You have described him perfectly. The problem is: as I am always trying to create barriers of self defence against him, now I'm behaving just like him in almost all aspects. This is so sad...

[@GYNYAM3]

EXACTLY!!! In order to get along with my husband I have learned to adapt and treat him the same way he treats me... so now Im trying to unlearn these traits!!

[@kaystephens2672]

They know what they're doing is wrong, but they do it anyways. As bullied adults move through life they must be careful to look out for this. Know that they're sensitive to it. Ruminating comes from this "proof" of examples we remember and get triggered by, in our memories. As my narc said, " You gotta be careful what you get Used to".

[@DarthJarJar10]

9 out 10 of these applied to my case when one swaps out "partner" with "parent" (especially the one) and (a specific) "sibling".

[@KeepQuestioning243]

My parents (mother the narcissistic one) showed so little affection toward each other, they essentially acted like acquaintances. But, with other people, my Dad came out of his shell just a little. After he died, my mother was upset that certain friends didn't seem to want to spend time with her, and I suspect it's because they could see through her narcissism and knew my father was the kind one. With a narcissistic woman I know currently, she has said her husband is a workaholic, and I think she's trying to project any bad traits onto him. Or maybe he is a workaholic in order to escape her control?

[@marianmcevoy4943]

It was my mother also its sad I was so old when I found out this

[@misskarenjunger]

Oh wow. I’m crying. This was so validating for me. Everything you just said is exactly my marriage I left 2 years ago. No one believes me because he is living with a psychologist now and they seem to be perfect but this neglect was my life…. Through losing my family and through cancer even. He was mad I wasn’t grateful for a lackluster trip to Mexico and that ended it. I have lists a mile long of the things I’m working through in therapy that he said or did. Everyone loves him! He’s great in public and seemingly with the new girlfriend. But thank you for this. I know my truth. The only thing you didn’t mention was the scoffing and looking down on me. Rolling his eyes.

[@caroleminke6116]

I pity that psychologist 🤦‍♀️ our class president was married 4 times & finally to a psychologist because she was the only one to put up with him probably since she had a family history too

[@brit0309]

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for me too. He’s treating her the same as you, she just doesn’t know it yet. She’ll have her days of reflection too, that’s where she’ll learn she didn’t listen close enough in college. It’ll be sad, I’m sad for her. What if I never walked in the gym that day? would have been a whole different life, 24 years now, only 19 when I met him…. I just had the thought, holy s^*t, no wonder, it’s near impossible to grow when all you’ve done is hold tight to that 19 year old girl, gripping memories of her tight in an effort to keep your mind and semblance of truth. It’s a full time thing. You know I bought a house in 2010, we’d been married since 02 but he didn’t see it till the day we moved in. He wasn’t with me. But I haven’t hung one photo on the wall or properly decorated the place, not one framed photo. It’s impossible to deny it all anymore. The flood gate that opens when you finally realize…finally finally, it’s living it in reverse. It all checks out. I try to leave room for Christ, it’s how I’ve lasted, but when do we hold on too long? Like maybe even if you give all of you, it can still not be enough with Christ, because of them. These people don’t know Christ. It’s so confusing to be willing to sacrifice yourself but it’s not enough. Does that mean it’s not enough and I should do more? Like what is the message? I know, I am a fool. But I’m a daughter of a Father in Heaven , every person is a child of an actual God in heaven who knows each of us. we’re spirits in a body, there’s way more than this, we’re already way more than this. We just don’t remember. We’re here to learn portable qualities, Christlike attributes. Our relationships can and are, bound in the next life. So I don’t know why I write this, people will make fun of me. I’m used to it. But they don’t know me , and it will show me, they just don’t know the truth about themselves yet. And I’m okay with that. So that being said, this is why it’s gone on and on. Since I’m drastically underweight and etc, and was severely depressed working night and wasn’t able to get out of bed and was like a bed bound depressed person. It’s cool I work days now and am the N director by some insane plot twist. How you get promoted when your life is falling apart, by people who actually see you…feels kind of like a blessing, like I’m cared for. And since we’re spirits in a body, I choose to pay attention to any spiritual part of I can notice. Anyways, I have stupid hope and self destroying ability to forgive. I’m a moron. But maybe it needs to be nice try Brittney, you tried your best, you were dumb, everyone saw, we tried to tell you, but it’s okay and we love you. I hate people to tell me what my life is or isn’t. Maybe my 19 year old self could live that and my 42 year old self, though gainfully employee, has some serious problems. Anyways, this was like a journal and I’m real sorry to just put it out, it when you get typing, sometimes you can’t stop, then you’re crying. I don’t even know if I’ve thought of you even reading this to be honest. I just appreciated the lovely thought that made me feel close to someone who could understand what life’s been like. So then I just wanted to pour it all out and cry. I’m a DON at a drug detox sitting outside my office when I’ve left 45 minutes ago, actually outside, chain smoking on a bench. It’s like 110 degrees. I’m such a loser.

[@brit0309]

Ps: we’ve been separated a couple months, so while a fool I’ve been, I can still remember.

[@brit0309]

I love you by the way, you’re a champion and did a lot of hard shit in the way of being like Christ, I know I’m not the same as I was, it’s helped being a nurse because it’s literally your job, but I think I’ve learned through it all to love people, anyone, like I can’t meet a stranger. Working you get privilege to be incredibly close with perfect strangers in a loving a serving capacity, you have conversations with and hold the company of people in a place where love can be the currency. People are lovely by and large. This director situation is a doffeeent beast, I’ve found im like a teenager in certain ways and I’m pretty sure one of the other directors was talking to me about self awareness one day to give me a hint. 😂 that was like a year ago, I’ve grown a lot, hence the separation. Moral of the story: being a nurse and having a N husband is not a great combination for quick recognition. 13 hours a day locked up in a hospital 3 times a week. They’re in charge of the kids. And jobless. Next thing they have your bank card and you’re bed bound. And everyone’s trashing you to your kids. Ahhh I digress. Try to make it about us. Seriously the shit in my closet is 15 years old. I bye a pair of chucks every once im awhile, when they wear out. I do my own hair, but I stopped doing that. I look embarrassing. But hey, we know kindness is the real currency. Hang in there girl

[@alexbaird2670]

It's not just narc partners who are neglectful, it's narc family members/ friends as well. My rich older narc brother is about as selfish and stingy, neglectful, indifferent and disinterested as it gets. I finally walked away from that relationship 4 yrs ago after my beloved father died.

[@marianmcevoy4943]

My sis told me till I was 55 the last 3 kids out of 13 me 3rd from bottom should not have been born we were only born because my ( loving dad ) was only a filthy drunken animal

[@susannooyen9845]

Darren, thank you for the information and all the examples. I am still healing and understanding what I went through during my 2 relationships/marriages lasting a total of 35 years. My greatest pain comes from my narcissistic adult children. My boundaries are now strong which leaves me with almost no contact. Your shared knowledge helps me get through this.

[@basketballfan5763]

😢😢this is so sad and I am sorry ur children abuse and don't respect u😢

[@AjimoleVarghese]

Energy,emotional vampires don't allow the victim to be happy.

[@winter-qd4yw]

Thank you for this video! It is so spot on to the way I have been treated for over 40 years. It will be interesting to hear how the fallout you will talk about in your second video lines up with what has happened to me. The behavior was so often explained as “I don’t know what to say”, I can’t talk like you can”, on and on. You are basically worthless. In my case my children started treating me the same way and still do. Hell on earth. Thank you for the validation!

[@Ellie-rp8bh]

I lost 3 sons because they turned into narcs

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@Ellie-rp8bh that sounds like something needing a deep dive. Therapy…..

[@CleoVer-k1v]

excellent video - I went trough this with a say so longterm friend. Lunch with an old college friend after a year of not seeing each other: No interest in conversation, no interest in anything we discussed. No smile, no sympathy, simply nothing. As if he wanted to punish me because I didn't want to give the supply he wanted. What a strange experience that day. And all because I had to cancel a meeting with him a year before for personal reasons (for which he wanted to travel). That something is not right with him, I have felt earlier, but never so blatant. One day later he called me and ended the friendship. After 25 years.

[@DarkFire1536]

When you talked about having a good standard of living, but a poor quality of life, that really hit home for me. After 25 years of being neglected by my husband, I realized that I was starting to neglect my children, who are in their late teens and early 20's. I have no emotional support system, and suffer from severe anxiety and depression, as well as being physically disabled. I have to force myself to be present for my children. I am the only emotional support system thay they have, as their father is emotionally unavailable for them. It doesn't matter to my husband how low my quality of life is. He leaves me alone all day. Whenever I try to seek medical help for any of my health issues, he complains about the cost and makes me feel guilty. Meanwhile, he donates 10% of our income to our church without batting an eye. Thank you for explaining this kind of neglect in a way that is easy to understand.

[@Cornusnuttallii]

The donating to the church thing is why you will never get any support from people you know.

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Thank you Darren. It's the darndest thing. I ended up telling my Mom and husband that they may FEEL love on occasion, but this kind of behavior is FAR from loving.

[@markmiddlebrooks1641]

As all your work, well done!

[@KS-dx5ln]

What's sad is both my parent's refuse to self-reflect. They are both miserable people and blame everyone else for their misery. My mother survives in involving herself in others business even when she doesn't have all the facts. It's disgusting. She's so busy talking and gossiping about others that now, thats her life. She is negative about everyone and everything. When I have brought things up to her and set boundaries, she automatically got mad, showed rage and literally said, "I can say and do whatever I want." Yes, you can mother. But you will no longer be welcomed to do it in my house or around me. Put my foot down. She made her own bed playing her abusive games. Now she has to live without supply of her evil ways with me, my boys and my grandson.

[@MicheleArbour]

This was extremely accurate. My married life was a combination of the silent treatment and treating everyone but me with attention. I actually got so depressed and hopeless that I had to get out. I had a graduate degree and was CEO of an organization. You think I would have been smarter!

[@tracevicente]

I feel this. My life had so much meaning and I feel like a shell of myself. Systematic long term effects so subtle we did not see it until the damage was done.

[@gailrosenberg48]

Plenty of smart people fall under the influence of narcissists, so please don't beat yourself up. It's the subtleness of the toxic behavior that causes us to not truly believe the reality of what we are experiencing until lots of time has gone by. I would rather have been punched, kicked or slapped because then I would have known immediately who my partner was. It took me over 3 decades to figure out that I was dying inside.

[@taom9004]

Exactly. This exactly describes my whole married life. Work was supply. Everything was fine as long as he was thriving there, but I was a single parent in a marriage. And then, came the Crackberry [cell phone]. But he could seem to be sympathetic: "Gee. That's a shame." But anything I asked for, anything that might result in change so that I too could have a life, was nodded at and then ignored. Breadcrumbing. If things went sideways at work, [cut off his main supply] he would engage in very dark behaviours. He drank my life.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

Darren, I have a topic for discussion. My narcissistic husband of 34 years has never, ever called me by my name. No pet names either. Nothing! Absolutely nothing.

[@melol1484]

Gloria..you are definitely onto something here. You just jogged my old memory just now..in my 7 years of marriage my ex never called me by my name ir even my nickname. He'd only mention our kid's name only..I only had 1 child btw.

[@Star-dj1kw]

My husband only includes my names at the beginning of a statement when he's irritated with me. I told him to stop using my name that way bc I found it disrespectful. What your husband is doing is terrible!! You are not invisible.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

After all these years even after being aware that he has not called me by my name, it just dawned on me that he has never allowed me to name our cats. Every time we would get a cat I would have a cute little name for it and he would say it's stupid and name it Kitty. We have now had four cats named Kitty. Because he obviously has a real problem with giving anything a name

[@spacegirl226]

Weird! I'm glad other people experienced this too. I only got called by my name when he was angry. I'm surprised my ex didn't snap his fingers and give me the "hey you" treatment.

[@Dame21]

Me too, I don’t think he knows my name.

[@sanimal.social]

Wow, this rings so true, everything that you've described. I've just discovered this type of narcissism today and it makes even more sense than covert narcissism, especially the communication style and being pre-occupied and absent. I felt as though what I experienced was primarily neglectful narcissism with the "victim" elements of vulnerable narcissism and occasionally switching over to covert narcissism.

[@justjay488]

This was a wonderful video! You understand this experience so well. Please please please do more videos on neglectful narcissism.. it’s one type that is NOT talked about enough. I finally realized that this is what I’ve been dealing with, and I feel afraid to stand up for myself and tell this person how they’ve impacted me. The invalidating response or lack thereof is painful, but I feel like I owe it to myself to speak up before I finally walk away. I’ve been silenced for too long!

[@LordKaydenBreak]

Thank you so much for describing the last half of the 1 year relationship before I kicked this neglectful pos to the curb. After the 5th month I was sure he was a narc, I just couldn’t even pinpoint which type because every other description of narcissist doesn’t sound fitting to my pos. He wasn’t physically abusive, he never stole my money, he didn’t cheat, he didn’t call me names, but the relationship just felt dead, like it’s better to be alone. Your video made it SO clear! Thank you! The pos was the *neglectful* type! On which part of the narc spectrum is this type on? Lower Mid Upper? I still know my value and identity and what Love is, that’s why I could cut him after a year. But if I gotta be honest, it’s been more than a month of NC and feels nice to not be anxious anymore, but thanks to this relationsh*t, I still feel like the most boring person on earth. Like if we were married for 5 years and theres a bit of staleness then I can understand, but after a mere few months? And he’s already that bored? Damn.. he really made me feel like sh*t when the real pos is him 🙁

[@maryd253]

OMG……my life…..absolutely you laid it all out here…….😮

[@alexandrariggs3768]

My question would be: Can someone be exceptionally neglectful yet NOT be a narcissist??

[@JohnRhodes-lv3rg]

I’ve been separated for 6 months and I could not be happier. I can’t wait to sign the divorce papers and start seeing other women.

[@Cornusnuttallii]

Be careful what you wish for!

[@llkellenba]

This behavior perfectly describes a “friend” of many years of mine. It’s 💯about her needs and she just cannot squeeze any time or attention for our relationship into her busy busy retired without children lifestyle. She does have a partner but often does things apart from him. He agrees to this. She will also bring him in as an ally when looking for a defense of her negative emotional reactivity. What was so confusing for a long while was an intense interest in where I was going and with whom even though I was living a pretty solitary life. I tried to include her but she always had some conflict yet accused me of leaving her “out”. Offered breadcrumbs stopping in for “5 minutes” to check in ie to unload her challenges and insecurities as well as a long list of fun social activities she is engaged in. She would text randomly saying “talk soon” or state some future plan to do something together which never occurs. My attempts to arrange anything met with convoluted scheduling ultra controlled meeting if there is any response at all. She feels I haven’t contributed as much as she in fine wine, driving them places, or whatever the debt list in her head has arrived at. It’s odd because I tend to over-give more than my share in social situations. I’m thinking this is more I’m not rich or famous don’t have vacation home to offer her to use. When I had a wealthier boyfriend she was more engaged. My being single doesn’t seem to appeal as much. I live 6 blocks away so it’s not about inconvenience. Finally stopped overthinking understanding the pattern and decided to limit my energy and expectations even though I’m dealing with social isolation right now. Shes responded by telling mutual friends I have problems-no initiative and she has been “wronged” by my limits around reaching out to her (translation: following her long list of rules around any engagement and ultimately being put off-future faked). Contact with her is aversive at this point. I’m certain all the kerfuffle is 💯 about her discomfort with my withdrawal perceived as not positive for her image. Nothing more nothing less. I’m politely casual friendly in public around others-whereas she proclaims loudly “well, where have YOU been!” Like I’m hiding out or something. Weird and glad to let this one go and move on.

[@HeatherDurham-n9t]

I felt invisible like a ghost in the house. The more I gave the less I got. It’s insidious

[@ginkgo2021]

This was my marriage! When he discarded me, he tearfully told me that, “I pushed him away!” His time was split between work and golf with the guys. When he retired he added fishing to that list of activities I tried so hard to find activities we could do together. When I approached him with an idea he would tell me to, “write it down.” Good lord I got “ya ya ya” a hundred times along with lots of “whatever.”

[@mochachaiguy]

My GF is so generous giving to others, often enough coming to regret impulsive magnanimous gestures. She’s compelled to become ‘best friends’ with anyone she meets, putting on the charm. Also the most hard done by in any conversation, thriving of of sympathy/empathy. After 15 years of ‘never saying the right thing’ it has destroyed any desire for romantic intimacy for me, and things are even more stressed because of my long freelance hours at home (she’s retired), so ‘together time is limited when I have a contract. She gets some supply from what friends she still has, strangers too, but routinely lays into me about not being more available. My sense of empathy has been eroded and I’m fearful that I may be considered to be neglectful despite spending 90% of my non working time with her. My ‘me’ time is during my 10Pm -2:00am part of my work day. I’m feeling exhausted and consumed.

[@mollybarnett-melton107]

My god. This is exactly my husband. But it wasn’t so obvious until we got married 3 years ago. Then my mom passed last year and he carried out an affair the entire time she was in the hospital . I found out and now I fear I’m being discarded. how I wish I had known better. I am very sad. I don’t enjoy anything anymore even when I know I should be enjoying something… I’m just too tired to care. This video has validated me in a way that can’t be explained. I am so thankful.

[@Cornusnuttallii]

Thank you, Darren. This was my second marriage, item for item, like you were a fly on the wall. When the first one is so bad, I guess we think it is a fluke. Whenever I would begin a calm discussion of an issue, he would just sit silently with an indignant glare, like I was crazy. I would begin to get emotional because he wasnt responding. So I would describe frame by frame what had gone on, and once I finally boild over, his defense, when he knew I had nailed it, was, "I just can't talk to you because you always get so emotional!" Every. Single. Time. It was not until he began pushing me every time we entered the top of an escalator or staircase, that I realized I had better leave. It was not until I left the marriage that I realized that his reason for marrying me was to get another job. My children and me were a ruse for why he REALLY was single (which I doubt he has ever come to terms with) so that he could switch jobs, looking like a benevolent stable man.

[@Ilvyy]

Thank you, Darren! Your help in understanding and dealing with the consequences of having been in an abusive relationship & marriage with a narcissist is just immeasurable! Thank you❤

[@icewater3286]

Do you have any suggestions about how a child growing up under a parent & a sibling should handle this? An adult can learn & remove themselves but a young child cannot do that.

[@basketballfan5763]

Yes I had that exact same problem and by the time I went for help age 16 I rang ChildLine repeatedly who did not answer and sent me a ridiculous text telling me to go to my parents with my problem.... the idiots😢

[@slightlyvintage4629]

I feel so validated watching this. I have been out of my narc relationship for 2 years and am now with the best partner I’ve ever known. But coming out of the dark has been hard and eye opening. I remember not being spoken to for days on end, not being even so much as hugged for 4 years. I would watch him love on the dog and having the realization that the dog is treated better than me. I got out of there, it took a long time for me to overcome my fear of him and get the divorce finalized. Out of the relationship, I would try to talk to people and they would say nice things about me or worry if I made it home. It would make me cry actual tears from their common kindness. It was then that I could see what I had become from one persons abuse and mistreatment. These videos are so important to get out and to bring awareness to the mental anguish of narc victims. My ❤️ goes out to each and every one of you who have lived through this nightmare. Never fear, a better life is out there waiting for you, you just have to realize you’re SO worth it!! Love yourself and live the dream!!

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Oh yes…. Very reserved gentleman in public, liked by many. V

[@kbc1883]

This explains my parents, especially Mom, so well. My mom is more interested in what the adult kids of the neighbor than they are interested in their own adult children. She will happily go 3-4 months without any communication beyond one short text sending a photo of something fun they are doing. And then I married the exact same thing, only he was totally focused on work, going out with friends, hunting, etc. I often wondered why he asked me to marry him if he was so uninterested in spending any time with me. He withheld physical and emotional connection, not even sex. It was so bleak and lonely! I get lonely now occasionally as a single person, but never as much as I felt everyday when married.

[@dakoderii4221]

My dad said I didn't need food or sleep since I was "young and healthy". People told me that makes him the best dad ever and I should stop being so ungrateful. He was such a great dad that he spent the child support money from my mom on cocaine, alcohol, and gambling and he wants to be repaid that money back.

[@nancybartley4610]

What is a neglectful narcissist like as a mother?

[@mikesmith6594]

Hurts being in a one sided relationship with a narcissistic father who loves gaslighting and playing mind games plus he's neglectful,loves drama , saying one thing and meaning another. Just not healthy being in a one sided relationship!

[@MCat-yv3hl]

Wow. This is spot on.

[@Algernon451]

Thank you. You have solved something I could not understand from a two decade relationship. I appreciate your work on these videos, and the fact that you dont dwell too much on the aspects that are the most painful.

[@reneec2583]

Exactly. Your explanation of Narcissistic Neglect was as clear as glass. It clearly explained what I went through and how he responded when I tried to get our relationship to a more equitable state. Thank you for covering this topic. I'll be looking for the part 2 when you post it..

[@hellosoleil]

How did he answer?

[@reneec2583]

@@hellosoleil Word salad, redirection, denial, excuses, to busy with other more important things to talk about it, followed by neglect, and telling me if he was single he wouldn't be working so hard. The damage caused by being trapped in that lifestyle kept me from leaving. I didn't know what narcissism was at that time, so I was completely confused as to why this was all happening.. Kept thinking things would eventually improve,.. of course they didn't.

[@sunellehack9466]

Listening to you describing my marriage 😢

[@tinaturner247]

This is how Officer Brandon Lacivita treated me when we dated. Nothing but a narc behind a badge.

[@Blahblahmeow]

This describes the last ten years of my 22 year marriage. 😢

[@yay88674]

I'm experiencing all of the above

[@texianmw]

You are the first person to describe my nw perfectly

[@stephenclayton7052]

Wow all of this is exactly what my relationship was like. The effects continue after the relationship due to the emotional damage it does.

[@LilacSnowBun]

Fantastic, your channel is the best resource. Thank you ❤

[@TruthAHPrY-A]

My 27 year H has done all of this, except often with much much more volital aggression than described in this video. And no apologies. Now he's pretty much discarded me.

[@jmcconne2003]

Does this type ever physically abuse their partners? I don’t think they care enough to exert any energy, but I’m learning…

[@lolaweed7467]

I’d add denying the partner access to things like their phone number, and not allowing them to join in on events i.e family gathering ect

[@sonofblessed]

This video did a very good job of laying out the different signs of narcissistic neglect, but it gave no solutions or ways to deal with them.

[@lisamoag6548]

They blow you off!

[@ameliaraath5719]

Thank you for this. I thought I was the narcissist and that I was pushing my partner away. She ticks every one of these points. Everytime I brought up my unhappiness and frustration I was “just picking a fight” and ruining whatever was good in our relationship. She was secretive about our relationship and didn’t want a trace of us on her social media. I ended the relationship and recovering from this trauma bond is the hardest and most painful experience of my life!

[@cindydee8475]

Always on point ❤

[@debb41111]

I have a couple of people 'close' to me who have given me neglectful relationships. They just suck the life out of me, I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. I've tried to talk to them about it, but nothing changes.

[@roxyabrooks864]

Almost destroyed by a Malignant Narcissist mother, I have horrific CPTSD from the neglect and abuse. After a lifetime of suffering, I'm now working with a good friend and a thirty year veteran employee of the FDA. We are working together, trying to achieve a state endowment to start a pilot project to create appropriate housing for women diagnosed with PTSD/CPTSD. It's never been done in the United States before. Ever. Please pray/wish/hope/dream/envision this goal with me so that we can manifest this into reality. So MANY people need this, badly! 🫶

[@djhrecordhound4391]

First, I need to commend you for taking up the cause in such a way!! Your proactive approach brought me such a deep and warm feeling, then quickly sank... It's highly unfortunate if you're only able to help women. I'll never deny the fact women have taken the brunt of men's abuses forever, though I also see the reality that nowadays there are lots of men who suffer--emotionally, mentally, financially and even physically--at the whims of narcissist women. Men going through it are left extremely vulnerable to false claims of abuse...in courts, with police, with lawyers, and their own families. It has and does ruin innocent lives of those men and any children involved. It's even worse in those cases because the children end up with the real abuser, and the decent parent is roundly persecuted by law and relations alike. I hope you have tremendous success with the housing project, although I also hope if a man approaches you for the same help, he's not denied--or worse--dismissed without investigation.

[@juliekeener9730]

I'm so sorry for what you've suffered at the hands of a malignant narc birth vessel😭 I understand that profound pain and damage all too well. I have reached 20 months NO contact after escaping and disappearing from malignant narc birth monster👹 who was trying to finally finish me off for good.💔😭 She was using a psychopath to further terrorize and abuse...end my life😡 I am now actually now thankful for that because it took THAT... Something SO egregious and vile to identify what that disgusting woman actually was! I've known she was toxic for as long as I can remember... Just hadn't figured out the malignant narc/sadistic label yet. I'm the scapegoat...estranged from ENTIRE FOO and everything in my life except my adult daughter😥 Starting over completely at 55 with serious health issues and C-PTSD. I'm BEYOND grateful for my safety ,peace, freedom and healing progress🙏 however, as you surely know... It's a daily struggle and extremely difficult. I'm so excited to hear of your plans for a desperately needed safety net for those who have also suffered in such a way. I have similar plans & dreams myself and pray to see such an organization come to fruition. I would be VERY interested to hear more about this! Praying for your continued healing and strength... and much success with your future plans🙏💚💪.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@juliekeener9730 my story xxxxx

[@marianmcevoy4943]

Good for you sadly so badly needed

[@susancosgrove5010]

Absolutely spot on! Thank you 👍🧡

[@christinefeinholz9115]

Wow you described everything .. thank you for the validation 🙏🏽

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ wow this was accurate. Painfully accurate

[@lynettethomas6104]

My experience exactly!

[@angelabrainky7786]

Thank you.

[@Eeva-Liisa-eu5qe]

Darren, you must have met my mother...? You described her so well.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

Darren, I need to ask for your opinions about this in a family setting instead of a partnership...? With a partner, it happens with as few as that one person. In a family dynamic, it can literally feel like you're a ghost in a house packed full of people. Throughout this video, I was flashing back to family gatherings where my major successes and failures alike had only interrupted their sports talk. It's soul-draining to experience.

[@DarrenFMagee]

I’m not sure if it will answer your question but I made a video about the lost / invisible child if that answers anything? If not let me know I’ll talk about it in a future video. Thank you for your suggestion

[@djhrecordhound4391]

@@DarrenFMagee That probably will answer it, thank you for the recommendation!

[@revheimliliam1305]

Hello, I needed you to understand what's going on my life, broken vertebras and deep pain, and now the promise of sticking with yourself after promising to health or sickness, and creating sickness by denying foid all the time, because we started by me paying rent the paying the budget, so he decided I had to pay because he was nobility to was a worker,

[@jelenajelicic9713]

Great video ❤

[@selah5792]

Every single thing in this list describes every single day. (Not any more though)

[@spartan1857]

A friend used to make me wait when skyping - 10,15, 20, 40min even. Often. Me just sitting there waiting on skype - they've gone to do something else. When I asked them to stop this behaviour, after multiple occurrences, and to be better mannered, and treat me fairly, with a few other complaints, they told me: "You are flawed, I am flawed, only God is good. Let me know when you want to be friends again. I'll be waiting here." So they acted the victim, were angry with me, criticised me, and made it my responsibility to fix the friendship. No apology, no agreement to just be fair and considerate. That was the last time they contacted me.

[@Dame21]

My mother in law and father in law never showed the slightest bit of affection towards each other. Now forty years her I am married to someone who has never showed me any affection for years.

[@CS-hy6es]

Bless you.

[@hollyharrison1377]

He started a fight with me and accused me of retreating on my sobriety one day after having major surgery. He was so mean and yelled at me, hounded me and called me a liar to the point I had to leave the home to couch hop while I recovered. Is this narcissistic neglect?

[@rascallyrabbit]

I found practicing Stoic principles broke my need to please or need these people.

[@danielchallenger979]

My girlfriend is doing 9 of those 10 things to me. This matches up with something my therapist told me about a month ago which is my girlfriend has narcissistic traits. I may be watching this video many times to help give me the strength to leave her. Thank yo so much for this video.

[@rayeannebrewer1458]

My X husband had (100% ) all these traits.

[@sararichardson737]

Once you see the pattern of neglect it is abuse