The Vulnerable Narcissistic Wife

[@DarrenFMagee]

The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

What would you suggest to a daughter of such a (covert) narcissistic mother? That’s exactly what the mother is like and treating her, especially since the father passed away. Constantly has to recover, constantly complains about everyone who is absent, always having health issues, always drama, always needs to be rescued and loves to let problems grow or even damage happen to then blame her daughter that that all happened because she didn’t help her and didn’t care enough, while her mother - of course - didn’t ask for help or even tell her; like she enjoys the frustration and anger of her daughter and wants to punish her for not moving back to her hometown to do everything her mother doesn’t want to do and entertain her. She never calls her daughter - ever - but brags about how much her daughter needs her and how often she receives calls from her. She stopped that after her mother hang up on her the last time, now they only exchange text messages very rarely. Her daughter seems to calm down a bit, but not really, as she knows she will have to face a mess her mother will throw at her to deal with once she visits again. She is an only child, so she will have to declutter all the senseless stuff her mother keeps on buying every day. The mother’s house is stuffed with all kinds of goods, but she keeps on buying and buying, it is gonna be dreadful to deal with all of it.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Maybe speaking to a counsellor would be helpful

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

@@DarrenFMagee Tried that, he couldn’t help. It seems like rarely anyone is specialized in that topic.

[@tatie7604]

The terrifying person that almost CONSTANTLY smiles--about nothing. It really is like The Joker but when a woman does it, I know they are dangerous. Is this a sociopath or what?

[@iq_6-4.39]

sir ur so true.

[@walkerassociates2574]

My wife is a covert narcissist, and has a very subtle way about it. She did it to me for so many years, that I actually started exploring whether or not I had borderline personality disorder. Turned out I was just a miserable person, who was starving for affection. It is a very sad place to be.

[@jameswcollett]

I feel where you are at.

[@JamesJohnson-cp2zg]

Yeah that crap sucks there myself now

[@victoriousjoy9338]

So sorry!! That is no way to live!

[@victoriousjoy9338]

Selective amnesia!! My covert narc husband had this tactic perfected to a high degree!! Just mind boggling!!

[@jameswcollett]

@@victoriousjoy9338 My wife accused me of the "classic narcissist trait" of not remembering conversations had gone a certain way - but what could I do if I genuinely remembered the event differently? Baffling.

[@iurk0_streaming]

It's eerie how these narcissistic women fit the mold so well that to talk about one of them is to talk about any of them

[@Trainasaurus]

Men do the same types of things. Darren said it. In my experience it just presents slightly differently.

[@iurk0_streaming]

@@Trainasaurus I never stated that men are not or cannot be narcissistic, so I'm not sure why you brought that up. But yeah, there are narcissistic men too, in fact, most narcissists are men.

[@jbarkley4198]

@@iurk0_streamingI strongly disagree that most narcissists are men. Most narcissistic women are covert and it’s much easier for it to go unnoticed in women. It’s a pandemic in women. It’s probably much closer to 50/50

[@harperlewis1526]

Nailed it, 36 years. +gaslighting: rewriting history, conversations that never took place. She demanded divorce, discarded me, then flipped 180 & now she's fighting with every legal weapon to drag it out. Thankfully our 4 kids are grown and away from the toxicity.

[@christanatwork]

This is EXACTLY what I’m facing now. Threatened divorce for the longest time, finally asked for one and I AGREED to it which probably called her bluff, and now she’s dragged it out 3 1/2 years without a solution in sight. What a pattern they follow!

[@cleanslate2247]

@@christanatwork - I'm going through this right now too. She actually would threaten to print out the divorce papers if I stood my ground or put her on notice about something. Then she finally did print out the papers and I finally was like OK and I filled them out. We still haven't filed them yet. She wanted me to buy her another house to move into with the kids half time. I was like no way and finally moved out when a rental opened up. But now she wants me back, says she misses me, but boy does her body language change when I bring up things I need to have changed with us if we get back together....... Last night for Mother's Day she mentioned a guy by name that gave her his phone number, wanting to take her out. She said no supposedly and threw out the number, telling him she was married.... But why even tell me that? Anyway you are not alone, this sucks.

[@Youtubehandlesaresilly]

@@cleanslate2247 she was trying to bait you into acting insecure and ‘fighting for her’. That you didn’t will also likely be used against you.

[@cleanslate2247]

@@KZbinhandlesaresilly - Yeah I kinda knew that ploy. Just a rhetorical question really. And I did end up giving her a reaction. Not quite the one she was looking for LOL but she was probably OK with it being I DID react. And yeah anything from here on out will be used against me I'm sure. Thanks for the reply!

[@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe]

@@cleanslate2247 Divorce her now! Ignore her as much as possible (grey rock) and go no contact or as little as feasible, it's the only way to begin to heal and believe me, whether you realize it or not, she has caused damage.

[@Neo_Red_Pill]

Thank you 🙏 there is very little support for men in these relationships. This needs to be recognised as domestic abuse .

[@craigellem7461]

Damn straight Men get no support Things need to change

[@salmanalaalinew]

Many wifes are Like Amber Heard.. a user who plays the victim role

[@craigellem7461]

@Salman Alaail Too right brother And they know the corrupt system will believe them

[@zandatee]

It IS a terrible abuse. Terrible. sophisticated, hidden with puting the blame on the victim among all people. Including even closest relatives and own children who are missled. Ihe victim gets isolated. In childhood I thought dady was the bad one. Just after his death I discovered my mother is a sick person - the Covert narcissist. In last years we were good friends with my dady.

[@sciencetest8]

I wonder if some men take their own lives because they are ashamed to tell anyone and have no where to turn. They suffer in silence until they can,t take it anymore.

[@bain5872]

You described my ex perfectly. For 20 years, she had me believing that I had a problem. I was always wrong and I couldn't trust my own thoughts and feelings. I felt as if I was crazy and inferior, even down right worthless. I've awaken. I now know it was her that is broken and worthless. The sad part is that I adored her and loved her dearly. These covert narcissist will destroy you in a relationship while everyone else believes them to be a wonderful an caring person while you are viewed as the cold hearted villain.

[@DarrenFMagee]

I’m glad you found it helpful and hope you’re in a better place today

[@mackky101]

Hello Sir, I can relate to it now. I myself used to feel the same that I am useless and had doubts about. I want to know how did you overcome this all. I am still facing it every day. Help!

[@bain5872]

@@mackky101 I over come the feelings by leaving her. After, I reflected on how she had manipulated my emotions. I realized that I should trust my instincts and there is nothing wrong with me. I live my life on my terms. This means you rely upon yourself and no one else. A lot of Women are manipulators. When they try to change your opinion or try to change you, don't. Be who you are and let them go. The only way a person can be happy is to be who they are. I wish you the best.

[@jimig399]

@@bain5872 that's well said friend. Sounds like your going to turn it around. I've gone thru 27 years of marriage to a borderline personality with coexisting bipolar and extremely narcissistic qualities..I think to the point of being a predatory psychopath. She's merciless. Heartless. Callous. She turned my kids against me. Falsely accused me of violence. I made so many mistakes. Number 1 being that I stayed too long. I tried too hard for too long to save it and keep it together for my kids benefit. I didn't help anyone ultimately. She gained the power and control in our dynamic and she has ruined me. She ruined us all. Flunked all 3 of my kids out of school. This guy really hits the nail on the head with his description of what I've been dealing with. I made the mistake of thinking that if she would just get treatment for her borderline personality and bipolar it would all turn around and we could get back to life. I really did love her. She wasn't always this way. For 15 years of marriage it was pretty amazing. Then about 7 years ago something changed drastically. It feels like demonic possession. I honestly believe that. She's sabotaged us all with her reckless destructive behaviors. I don't know what the future holds for us because i don't see a way out at this point. Your the first person I've come across who has gotten out and had such a positive outlook. All the men I've come across in this type of relationship are just beaten up, depressed and have given up or struggle daily just to eat and sleep. And I've come across SO MANY men in this exact same kind of dysfunctional relationship. It seems to be an epidemic. Im glad you got out and it gives me hope to finally come across someone like you after 7 years of researching this topic. Keep on doing you bud. 🤙

[@bain5872]

@@jimig399 Jim, END IT! Yes, a nightmare will follow and the storm will rage but after, the sun will shine again. If you stay in a relationship with a life sucking partner, there will be no sunshine, only insanity and the wasting away of your man hood and self respect. Men and women say they stay in an abusive relationship because of the kids. In reality, what are your children learning from your unhappy insanity......helplessness and they inherit a scrip for their own future relationships! You do them no favor by remaining in an unhealthy marriage. When you do decide to end it, have a plan in place and follow it. Be aware of her attempts to suck you back in through crazy behavior, saying I've changed and down right threats. She will use your children as pawns against you, in many different ways. She will turn them against you. Yes, my children were indoctrinated to hate me and my children does not have a close relationship with me to this day. These people have no limits and you will feel all alone, ridiculed and hated. However, you must stay focused upon your mission, YOUR HAPPINESS!. Your goal is to be a happy man and only through perseverance will you obtain this. Give great thought to what will make you happy, form a plan and execute it. Above all.....trust your gut instincts! I can not stress this last point enough. My wife manipulated me through her making me doubt my own judgement and my own feelings. I've since realized that my instincts (gut feelings) were the cause of my extreme anxiety. They were warning me to run away from danger. TRUST YOUR FEELINGS ALWAYS!!! Do Not question your judgment. Stay away from escapes such as Alcohol or drugs. They are death to your soul. As with everything in life, you and only you are responsible for your happiness and it is a hard long road filled with emotional pain and deep pitfalls. This is why a majority of people are unhappy, they will not do what is required! I wish you much success and happiness. God bless you my friend.

[@shellirhodes9950]

This describes my mom exactly. She was horrible to my sister and I, but even worse towards my dad. She and my dad were married for just over 50 years until he committed suicide last year. She cheated, lied, put him in financial distress over and over. It breaks my heart to think of the torture that he went through during their marriage. Now that he is gone she has turned into the victim and done anything and everything she possibly can to make him out to be the bad guy. My sister and I have had to go no context with her because of her toxic, narcissistic behavior. I just wish he would have ended the marriage when we were young and moved on. He was a kind, loving, gentle man who deserved so much better.

[@Simon1Mac]

This is horrible and exactly the stage I'm in does the same to my sons too . I am now in trouble with the police due to her behaviour and victim playing. I have thought about killing myself many many times feel like I've been loosing my mind but now I know what it is hopefully I can be better prepared. Sorry for your loss x

[@beaglerescue5281]

Proof that these people are incredibly evil.

[@Echo-m1p]

I come back to this video over and over since Mr. Magee published it... It's like an island of sanity where I see that I'm not crazy.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful

[@etho98]

I completely second your sentiment. It’s on loop.

[@PhatFrankiiie]

Ive watched it 4 times now

[@danield.287]

Indeed, it’s one of the most important videos ever made on the subject.

[@dolphinliam888]

Amazingly accurate!

[@DavidDrummondTX]

Unbelievable how you can sit there and completely describe what I've been enduring for the last 21 years with such accuracy.

[@willburrwillburr]

oh!!...ME too!!!! since 1997....

[@mikewillson9331]

When I started looking into the narcissistic personality disorder I was actually spooked at how accurate the stuff I was reading matched my own life for a short time I actually thought how the f*** do these people know this have they been spying on me it was literally that accurate so yeah I know exactly what you mean

[@billywayne902]

1996

[@williamtrieu7085]

How did you survive so long? I’m at 8 years and on my last legs…

[@mikewillson9331]

Observable behavior patterns of a mental disorder. everybody that has that disorder behaves relatively the same way. Thats how they can be so accurate without having spied on you for the last 20 years. it's the mental illness that's the same, over and over and over in so many different individuals

[@dovel1000]

This is an amazingly accurate description of the marriage I experienced. Ten years of of having to constantly be on my toes while also being kept off balance.

[@msblueocean7533]

Me too.....10 years, I am broke. I am broken. I am sad. But he acts the role.....

[@themegaislandman]

@@msblueocean7533 Try 19 years Bros...

[@garyandrist8923]

Ha! beat y'all... 35!

[@puscifer99]

I starve each night because my wife doesn't cook, doesn't allow me to cook because I make too much of a mess... Im sick of the moodiness so I don't eat... She is a super picky eater and only eats gluten free icecream.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

@@puscifer99 what are you still doing with this narc? She wants you to get sick and die - don't you see that. Trust me she eats outside the house :)))))

[@chytaan]

They drain your soul literally. She stabs you in your back, then blames you.

[@josephmcnulty6703]

Perfect description 👌

[@daddygamble]

Backstabbing is an understatement.

[@Portia620]

Spot on!! Men and women narcs do this!!

[@TvrkishOutlaw]

Chew you up and spit you out, and leave you for dead!!!

[@PepeDeezNutz]

Sucubus

[@scooterwoodley195]

I can’t help but think about the many, many men who silently suffered for years and ended their lives after suffering this abuse. This video is incredibly powerful and I hope that it brings understanding to men that need to hear it. Perfect description of my life for the past 25 years in a 32 year marriage. When you understand who and what you’re dealing with, it brings a bit of peace to know you’re not alone and not solely to blame.

[@brookslucas3400]

I'm 24 years in, finally recognizing it and trying to figure out how to have enough courage to exit stage right.

[@dickiegaines6074]

I have just seen the light. I was soo relieved at first, I thought wow I'm not crazy. Been then reality sank in. This is my life, I have 2 kids with this woman. Currently separated after telling her to leave. Oh, have I been paying for that. Kids used as pawn and the whole 9. Anyone and everyone she can paint her portrait for, and create a divide. I get so many dirty looks, and have merely placed a boundary, but cut her feed bag off and she doesn't take kind to losing her resource. Confused and hurt.

[@Seccsi]

Sad thing is there are some men that lash out and then it is all about them. No one can see the damage done to the victim by the years of pecking away…

[@jakestown1952]

Man... I'm 45, been with my wife since I was 18. Past 3 months I've been joining the dots. I'm devastated. Keep telling myself I'm imagining it, but I can't help but see through the new lense of NPD. It's her. Ffs.

[@aaronstone1528]

I am currently fighting to save my life. I have wanted to die every day. She ki ked me out 6 months ago I used the no contact rule to try to win her back. Today after a month of no contact she texted me that I left the backyard in horrible shape. She has a 28 and a 23 year old boys who live in the house I bought and 6 months later she texts me this shit? She has my 2 dogs I love more than anything and I can't sleep or eat for 6 months that's why I want to die.

[@Jer20.9]

This video just popped up on my KZbin feed 2 years ago. Changed my life. I started to ask my wife to stop her emasculating ways. She moved out a year later, I have been so peaceful and happy since.

[@alexishill3342]

This is how my mom treats my dad. It makes me so angry 😠 😡 Thank you for this.

[@zandatee]

She started to treat me that way after Dad passed. Take it very seriously and just leave her all together. Covert narcissists are sneaky and dangerous-they show the abusive side just to one close person in a moment an play supernice to others. They take down one by one. Search for information - get very informed. But do not tell her anything. Looking back I think that was the right way we should do with my dad and brother. The earlier the better. All of our lifes are broken for each in different ways. This is just my experience - you will take what you need.

[@infinitedigitalprintservic5684]

Let your father know.he may only be with your mum for fear of her doing something to you in retaliation while he is not around.

[@alexishill3342]

@political_discourse_news6373 I totally agree.

[@Low409]

I'm completely blown away by this. I was believing every negative thing about myself. I couldn't understand why I couldn't find a way to make my marriage work. Why was I such a horrible person. Every mistake I made was always the worse possible thing, and never forgotten. I lost or gave up everything I worked for, everything that mattered to me. My career & home, gone. Connections with friends & family. All while seeing how everyone loves her. Wishing I could have that connection with her. I'm literally just now realizing my trauma and mental conditions. Hopefully I can get myself & my life back together. Thank you for this video, truly you've opened my eyes. I will continue to educate myself.

[@jjberg83]

You got this, man!

[@lynnolmsted4698]

Check out Dr Ramani's videos as well!!

[@mayaaaa596]

You'll get through this brother just have faith in yourself and always remember you're not alone

[@combsaj]

Your comment, "Wishing I could have that connection with her" brought back how often I desperately wished the same. It's heartbreaking to look back on. But so grateful to have clarity and not in that place anymore.

[@carolinekamya2339]

Good luck!!! this information saves lives - you deserve the best - CPTSD is something that takes years to heal from but you have started ...good on ya

[@islandgirlruby2750]

I hate narcissists because they look for love interest to destroy. They target their prey due to our codependency and empathy. Narcs punish us for their sordid horrible upbriny where they were ignored, invalidated and abused. In turn they keep partners around as extension of themselves to punish for their toxic shame. Subscribed.

[@taeblu368]

Well said

[@jeanettecook1088]

It's interesting to note that not all narcissists develop because of trauma or abuse. This is current psychological theory, but I feel there is much more to the story.

[@immortal8185]

Can anyone offer any help

[@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe]

This hit the nail on the head. I was married to one for 17 years. Its been almost 5 since I walked away and I am still not back to my old self. They are soul sucking demons.

[@TvrkishOutlaw]

Fact!

[@arthurlockwood8735]

Thats true I'm still in a mass effect by her beaver. Thank 🙏

[@bertilorickardspelar]

Yup, true. 8 years, nearly killed me. Been over 2 years since divorce, can't bring myself to see anyone new. Just want to live.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Wow. So happy I read these comments. All this I face now. 2 years of chaos, DUI, wrecked car, medical bills, & jobloss. It's like she had a demon attached to her that cursed me. I kept telling myself, I'm under a spiritual attack. I see that to be true now.

[@mreloo]

This is spot on...40 f in years I put up with this...this is the Jezebel spirit....and this thing (demon) will kill u ...I had chronic illnesses starting about 5 years in...still stuck with her do to all the chronic illness and being financially crushed ...my daughter helped me wake up 2 years ago

[@briandoherty1909]

🍀🍀🍀🍀

[@DarrenFMagee]

Realisation may feel uncomfortable but I think it’s the start of recovery

[@PhillipCornwell1974]

18 years here. We've been separated for a year now and I was lucky to get a no-contact order due to physical abuse. I broke one day and had her arrested. It was the first time I'd followed through with enforcing a boundary. She turned it into being a victim, of course, but still tries to meddle in my life through our adult kids, actually MY kids from my first marriage.

[@donaburns1910]

I feel for you. Its hard, really hard.

[@themegaislandman]

So true my Brotha. I've been on this roller coaster ride for 19 years. Salute to you for dealing with that for 40! It's definately the Jezebel spirit. It's all spiritual warfare. As long as we are in Christ He will help us and reward the wicked in His time.

[@Sp-nd6uj]

This describes a friend of mine to perfection, she humiliates her husband and then hits on mine aggressively I think the idea of me having a happy marriage is something she can’t handle. I called her out once for giving my husband a lap dance but demanded an apology for my “agressive” behaviour saying she never knew I was the jealous type. Narcissists are toxic on every level.

[@sweetstorm7652]

She is clearly not a friend.

[@bruceyamamoto99]

Envious of you, played the victim, lack of boundaries, berating her husband, triangulation and projection in your short description. They are all the same. You don't need people like this no matter who they are. Good luck

[@TC-gx3qn]

That is not a friend, Dear Heart. You should look for a real friend.

[@sherrypeveto1868]

She needs to be ousted from your life

[@victoriousjoy9338]

Wow!!!!! That's just horrible!!!!!

[@creativelife2585]

This is so creepily accurate it's like you know her!

[@AbyssalManta]

My parents divorced when I was 2. You know how parental alienation goes; I always more or less thought he was to blame for it. Mother had no friends (I wonder why...); I grew up isolated, naive, lacking in social skills and even basic common sense. Father drunk himself to an early grave. Still, despite how dysfunctional my childhood was, it wasn't a particularly distressing experience. The damage was felt far more in early adult life. And that's when that creature became REALLY unhinged. The lies she would tell about me, the complete absence of honor or ethics, the palpable sense that objective reality means nothing to her... That's when it dawned on me I had absolutely NO REASON to believe her narrative. But my father was already dead. I'd never get to hear his side of the story, and he never dared broach that subject when he was alive, knowing the stacked deck and the uphill battle he would have faced. I wish I could apologize to him. I wish I could tell him that my eyes are open now.

[@meganwilliams4588]

This post made me tear up. I’m sorry you had a difficult childhood. I hope you found love and healing.

[@sirferr3870]

Something tells me that your dad is very well aware of your feelings 👍🏽

[@cbn7239]

You just described my parents, but without alcohol. I’m 51 and finally figured out the riddle about 2 years ago. My “mother” was very quiet and very evil. We always thought my father was unhinged. I wish I could tell him.

[@GlowingOfAgeStory]

Funny how complete strangers can have similar realities in life. My mother also alienated our father except we were all under the same roof. The house that he bought. She created this narrative about him being lazy, inattentive, not caring and twisting the truth to make it more believable. My father is dead now and my little sister still believes our mothers lies about him. It's crazy. I too wish I could tell him my eyes are open but he would have defended my mother because he loved her. Too bad she didn't love him the same way.

[@improvisedchaos8904]

My baby is turning 1 and I don't know what to do 😭 She's gonna grow up to be like her cunt of a mother I fear. Will I just watch her grow to resent and hate me as well? I don't want to play this hand of cards.

[@bradschierer6766]

so spooky how spot on this is

[@andrestipanovic7407]

This is exactly what my mother did to my father for 17 years, and blamed him for everything. She is a pathological liar and even after she divorced him, took everything including the house, she still blamed him for how awful life was. Even after he died, she still blamed him for stuff when he hadn’t had any contact with her for years. Now I get all the blame. What a psycho she is. No contact is the only option at this point. She is so destructive to her immediate family while fooling everyone else . I never heard anyone explain this so well.

[@desleykakoulidisgallaway3382]

Sorry about your dear Dad 😢xx

[@jbarkley4198]

Your poor dad. I can completely empathize with him. I’m married to a wife just like your mother. Ready to divorce her. They are definitely very destructive. They bite the hand that feeds, blaming their spouses, kids and everyone but themselves for their problems. They often end up dying miserable and alone, because they push everyone away over time

[@zandatee]

I can absolutely relate with every word you wrote. My father suffered much longer time. He tried to escape her after we grew up. Unjsuccesfully. Guess it was too late and he was too desoriented and felt lost. Now I feel so sorry that I could not help him. Dady died 2 years ago and after his death I was her next victim. she is over 75 and gets more and more strange and invents storries so that I started to notice it crosses the line of normality. So I started to search for information what it is.

[@TheZakFilms]

may i know her zodiac??

[@zandatee]

@@TheZakFilms My Covert Narcissist mother is PISCES. Traits characteristic to the Covert narcissism are exagerated Pisces traits

[@audio-video-stereo]

Yep. Had no idea what I had gotten myself into. Third year in and I’m serious contemplating jettisoning myself out of her car while traveling 60mph down the freeway in the midst of her colossal rage fueled tantrum. Left her that night with only the word ‘narcissist’ as a guidepost. Started to listen to experts such as the gentleman in this video describe what she was and what I went through. I simply cannot think what it would be like not having these valuable resources like this channel to help victims understand this personality type.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you so much for your kind feedback I'm glad you found it helpful. Sadly we don't see it at first, it tends to creep up a little bit at a time until we're in the middle of it. I hope you have the support you need.

[@fireice6166]

Can totally relate. I did actually open the door of a moving car when he was driving because of his toxicity. I was literally tried to fly. This behaviour identified how I used to feel in the car with my NM as a child. He traumatised me but had good purchase because she is the same! Why they didn't like each other. Competition for control.

[@honeybee3317]

5 years equivalent of studying psychology( major and submajor) Narcissisim never mentioned in the early 80s. Your wondering answered. Years and decades of lives wasted, ruined , thrown down the toilet, to be never lived again is what happens.Also children's lives negatively impacted. Flee and don't look back- leave the State or Country if that is what it takes. Life is not a rehearsal.

[@lilfairycupcake]

Good for you. Hope u initiated 0 contact.

[@JimGoatChicago]

Very, very accurately described my life pre-divorce. She spent every penny I could make while she worked less and less or not at all. Never saved, never helped with taxes, always wanted more. Never said nice things about me to others in our presence. Would always tell others about "her" kids, "her" house, "her" vacation, not "our" kids, house vacation. Failed in every way to care for me when I had very temporary health issues. One of the things that really pissed me off was whenever I would start a DIY project, she would be skeptical and suggest getting a specific friend's advice, just to try to cut into my self-confidence. I never gave in though. So nice to do DIY projects now that she's gone from my life. So nice to wake up in the morning now that she's gone from my life.

[@billyliar1614]

MY goodness this is accurate. My wife is identical. Never a good word to say about anything. Either it's criticised unconstructively or ignored.

[@danield.287]

This video is unbelievably accurate. Personally it’s one of the most important videos I’ve seen on the subject and it will have saved my life. I never write comments but for this video I had to. Thank you so much for this. You are literally saving peoples lives.

[@lenatommynicole]

Hi Daniel. Same. Would love to talk to you and see if you could help me. I’m starting to wake up.

[@_..-.._..-.._]

Me three guys, what a wake up call!

[@zandatee]

My Dads name also was Daniel. He passed 2 years ago suffering from her and not understanding what happens. After his death I discovered my mothers Cover narcissism. As I noticed details which cross the line of normality and started to search for information. In my language there is no information and it would be not available for Dad. I will do something to honour him. ❤❤❤❤❤ (in my childhood of course I thought he was the bad one) My brother has various problems with phyiscal and emotional health since his teen age. Schizoide personality accentuation and the recent one - autoimmune disease. We could not find where does they come from. Guess I am the only one who knows the truth about my "victim Mother Theresa" mother so popular among relatives.

[@kiranysauros7211]

Watched our dad live this hell for 2 decades. Utterly brutal and spirit crushing.

[@speedypete4987]

They are evil (anti-live or life)

[@elloboblanco9111]

My wife built up a $40,000 gambling debt, the kids clothes never got washed, were late to school every day, she cooked when she could be bothered not when people were hungry, she complains about the kids wanting attention and blames them for things that are her fault, she spent the money we had been given to start a business, she has zero empathy and nothing is her fault, she refused to accept our daughter being autistic and didn’t follow through with any treatment... yes I need help

[@puscifer99]

My wife's vice is fashion and spent roughly the same on shoes and clothes....

[@daddygamble]

I experienced the gambling just like that. We went to a wrestling event. Our boys made weight. After we had dinner she said she was going to go to the casino where we were staying for a little while. The alarm went off about 6:30 AM in the morning. I rolled over and she had never even been in the room since like 8:30 PM the night before. We had to go to the arena for our two boys to wrestle. Before we could leave I had to go find her down in the hard rock casino. She was so mad at me she ran off and got in the elevator and did not even wait for me at all. Went upstairs knowing that we had to leave to get where we needed to go. Climbed in the bed and said she was going to sleep. I had to take the covers off of her and be a jerk and tell her get up and go watch her child compete.She was so mad she didn’t even want to talk to me.

[@motherearth1147]

Typical American women, no surprise for me. Sorry for you.

[@bluedogfish2]

So I don’t have it so bad….. I just found out she’s had a obygn doctor in the harem for 4 years😂

[@jonniroseluke1991]

You sound like a great dad. It's good to know that you dived in there and took care of your family when they needed you the most! Thank goodness for real men like you!

[@fiftyshadesofgrey1991]

My dad was a talented engineer elictrician but she used to devalue him for not being able bring "enough" money and claim him be lazy and not motivated for life. Fortunately my dad had me and I soon realized who my mum really was

[@imonkai5210]

I wish my daughter turns out smart like you

[@kevinowens6010]

Had a few ladies who played that card. They never brought anything ,but sex to the table. However I provided everything. One pulled that shit for four years before she found the street. After that as soon as they started in I had them removed. These personalities belong to the streets

[@billyliar1614]

Exactly what my wife says to be because she wants a bigger house, despite her having given up her job and bringing in a paltry amount to the household budget. She will go gambling until the wee small hours then tell me I'm lazy after I'm the one paying the bills. If I point this out when defending from the attack she'll accuse me of blackmailing her when I'm defending against her accusations. Married for 7 years and she's got worse. I've told her if she doesn't agree to couple's therapy I'm out.

[@scottcotten2451]

Wow dead on . I lived it for 10 years. Narc free now. Keep the videos going.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you, and yes I will

[@gh9253]

You described my wife perfectly. She threatened me with divorce during one of her meltdowns at least once a year. Then, in-between her fights she would make random comments about divorce. She used the same opening line for most of her meltdowns -- "I'm sick of the way you talk to me!" And then, never provided one example of anything hurtful that I had actually done. Gaslighting, love bombing, shit testing, false accusations, empty threats, financial disaster -- my wife hit every narcissistic trait I have learned from the internet, I have recently discovered through counseling that she lied to me dozens of times over our 40 years together. You all might think I'm crazy for staying with such a horrible person. I think I was used to that type of treatment because it's basically the same that I received from my abusive mother.

[@sailing7777]

How are you going now? Are you still with her? Was she always like this or did it get worse when married?

[@satsumamoon]

People who dont know about narcissism cant comprehend these relationships so its best not to talk to them about iit if you value their friendship or regard. They wont just think youre crazy, theylll think you are paranoid and malicious for speaking about your wife like that. They can only.corelate.your experiences with theirs, and there is no corellation between how a narc and a normal person behave and deal with things. People cant comprehend thst your wife willfully causes you misery ...she doesnt look like a monster and she has always been perfectlly nice to THEM, she even resued their little puppy last week .

[@microracer6]

@gh9253 Sorry for your plight. Every argument ended in a threat of divorce for 24+ years until one day she left. I stood up for myself and told her I was not going to be treated in an abusive manner any longer. Now 2 of my 3 kids want nothing to do with me.

[@greggeer6231]

I understand your plight. After finding out that my wife was a covert narcissist, I began to think about my upbringing. I realized that my Dad also used to be this way. My narc wife would always tell me that I'm just like my dad. Now it makes sense. She's the one who is like him, not me. Praying for you, friend.

[@microracer6]

@@greggeer6231 My ex went so far as to actually call me my dad's name in our arguments. It was infuriating!

[@leapingjoseph8462]

Have listened to many videos on narcissism and gaslighting, and this ,by far , is the best one. Mr. Magee, you have no idea how much I learned about myself and the narcissistic wife. I know now that it has affected me immensely and I'm at the point where I now question my sanity. Your description is super accurate. Just subbed. Thank you.

[@_..-.._..-.._]

Wow, so happy to find an explanation of my wife. She’s not nearly as bad as the other examples. In a nutshell, she treats complete strangers, coworkers, relatives and friends way better than me, her loving husband. When I was a pushover she treated me bad, when I was an arsehole she treated me better and now that I’m over the marriage completely she has been amazing and caring and sexual. Too little too late, sweetheart. Everyone thinks she’s the best person in the world because she’s very thoughtful and so kind to everybody but me. It gaslights me into making me feel crazy like maybe I don’t realize that I’m a bad husband, but I wrote down an honest list of what we do for each other and pros and cons and her pro list was almost empty, while the list of what I do for her is ridiculously long. I’m also in great shape and hit the gym 4-5 times a week and she is in terrible shape with more health problems each year and refuses to stop buying and eating junk food everyday. I really wish it could’ve worked out between us. Those honeymoon phases are like crack and you’re always trying to get that feeling again to no avail. I wish you all luck, it’s scary to move on, but eventually you have no doubt that you’ll be better off! ❤️

[@JimGoatChicago]

I second your comment. My ex got so much more excited about buying gifts for 2nd tier friends than she did buying gifts for me. I came 3rd, 4th, 5th to others on just about everything. Whatever I wanted to do, wherever I wanted to go, was so much less important than what her friend wanted or what anyone else wanted. I used to ask her, "This is how you treat the person you say you love?"

[@abdulazizrashid2849]

So happy for you 😊

[@petet968]

Yep, they are impossible.

[@Chris_u80kg]

This is absolutely spot on with what I was going through for over 13 years. I finally left with her threatening to falsely accuse me of rape to teach me a lesson for leaving her because she basically lost her control over me. Im still effected by it, still have ups and downs but much happier now almost 2 years on.

[@coreyanderson7424]

I have a relative who did that to me too. Well, of abuse. But actually it was the other way around. And upon investigation, they found that it was not true. Or no evidence. Well, she lied. But she was abusing me. But she plays it off like all the awful things she's done are just accidental. Or coincidental. In public, she gets yelled at because her driving is so dangerous and bad, and she never considers her actions and that she could hurt someone. But if anyone does anything she doesn't like, even if it's not bad, she is very passive aggressive.

[@kevinowens6010]

Everyone get out! Cut your losses and go no contact. If your going to stay with a Demon learn the Narcs playbook and flip the script.

[@agg1172]

Unfortunately described my Wife & Marriage! Together 20yrs, she left after 14 & moved out of state to be closer to her family. I tried to reconcile for 31/2 yrs then she committed adultery with a co-worker & blamed me for not coming to see her! It was awful! Of course he was 20yrs younger than me, but the sex was meaningless & she was lonely and only trying to help him & ultimately I was over-reacting considering Divorce!! The best part was her Declaration that she'd never do anything intentionally to hurt anyone! Divorce took 21/2 yrs & it was finalized 2yrs ago...Still Recovering.

[@LALASDADDAY1]

This is like he's actually interviewed my ex-wife. 100% accuracy. Like he's reading from the covert narcissist owner's manual, wife edition.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for commenting I'm glad you found it helpful.

[@brianlane9534]

@@DarrenFMagee I just learned that this was a real thing about a week ago. It's like a great awakening. Living in constant fear of saying anything. Anything. It always becomes an argument. She still, after six months, refuses to acknowledge she broke the drawer on the new refrigerator. "It was like that." "You broke it." This is a constant in my life.

[@kevinowens6010]

It is good to learn the Narcs playbook

[@ydnew60]

This is the best description I have every heard! My son is married to a woman like this. They have 3 children.....its appalling to see and can do nothing!

[@brettanderson4021]

Send the video to your son

[@hogski1000]

Thanks for your insight into this subject. You have perfectly described 20 years of torturous marrage to a female, vulnerable narcissist. It's so difficult to see them as narcissists because of their lack of self-confidence, and by the time you realise something is really wrong you've been sucked into their dark, cold void. I mistakenly thought mine was mysterious at first, but it was just a total lack of depth and empathy or any desire to grow and develop.

[@pablopolski1228]

So true, they are very shallow.

[@speedypete4987]

I thought that my wife was agreeable (which she was before marriage) but I can see now that it was just that she never had an original or novel idea in her life. After marriage I realised how wrong I had been -every thought or idea i had to be immediately opposed and invalidated. No desire to grow up or to become an adult.

[@microracer6]

@@speedypete4987 100%. My ex was stuck in a late teenage mentality. Very petty and never EVER wanted to resolve anything. Just sweep it under the rug to use against me at a later date. Totally maddening!

[@John_Wood_]

@@speedypete4987 💯

[@mah3223alia]

How perfect a description of my mother is this? My poor Dad who worked his guts out from 4am to 8pm every day, taking us children out to work on the farm with him. Coming home with rabbit ot pheasant to feed his six children. Being asked " where the hell havw you been"? When he was with 3 of us on the allotment, growing food to feed his kids? My mother drove him to an early grave at 56....He was the best Dad in the world and I hate her.

[@PotBotorg]

It's so sad because its true. I've experienced this type of interpersonal manipulation and it's hard to accept because you love someone who never really existed in the way you were conditioned to believe.

[@SmootholdGuy]

20+ years of being married to one of these beings, and your comment encompasses how I feel. It's the only thing I mourn. The person I loved wasn't that person at all, so I'm stuck reeling inside over the loss of a fictional character. It is a confusing place to be.

[@jolly7728]

Thank you very much for calling out the abusive behaviors of the narcissistic wife. So difficult to find information on this topic. Many husbands have experienced every single tactic those wives use to devalue their significant other. A major contributing factor is the no fault divorce statues where it seems like the courts have little to no interest in which partner caused the marriage to fail, so women (and men) can pretty much do whatever they want to destroy their union and not be held accountable. And should there be a divorce, the man loses an ordinary life with his children and most his property. The authorities appear not to recognize narcissism. The only reasonable way forward is not to get married, which would solve some problems but create other ones.

[@linccnil]

so very true. 9 years being togehter with one. Paid tens of thousands for her, vacations, study bills, her drivers license, bills, groceries etc. Bought a house and put her name in it too. Then 9 years later find out she is a liar and a cheater. She kept lying to me about that particular time i found out she was cheating and i kept finding and showing her evidence. I had the hardest time ever, tax agency falsely accusing me of tax fraud (later fortunately all resolved), money troubles and just a really tough time and she meets with some guy in a different country telling me she has night shift while I take care of our kid. Now I AM THE ONE who has to pay her out. It makes absolutely zero sense, she never contributed a dime to what i have created in material wealth for our family. Of course I am responsible too, I was stupid to marry her without a contract and to put her name on the house. I learned my lesson. I will never, ever do that again, no matter who I will be with. I was naive to think this was my way of showing trust and appreciation for the person i love. Never again

[@jolly7728]

⁠@@linccnil OMG! The English language does not have the words to describe women like that. Very sorry she did those horrible things to you, and then the courts added insult to injury by paying her with your money for the harm she caused-and then your child gets caught up in all the rancor. I hope our generation of men will continue to ring the alarm bells to warn the younger generations to avoid the opposite s3x with all their might and allow young men to find healthy ways to live a fulfilling life without romantic involvement with women-thus slamming the door on the government’s so called no fault divorce statutes-and thereby preventing the state from ganging up on men. The authorities seem to be trying their level best to destroy us. But we mustn’t let them do it. We must remain loyal to ourselves and very strong-and as you have suggested we need to avoid making the same mistake twice. My situation is a variation of yours. So I can relate! Fortunately for me, I saw how stupid the whole desire to please females was a long time ago. No woman has ever broken my heart and stolen my money because I never gave it never gave her access to it-and I have lived a happy and prosperous existence in spite of the b.s. the covert narcissist in my life has tried to and still tries to use destroy me. As it turns out I get stronger and happier every day. I wish the same for you.

[@bruceyamamoto99]

Once again, I feel like you are describing my story as if you were there. They are always the victim, often mirroring illnesses of others well vocalized but not displayed in their behavior. Their actions do not support their words. Hold & know your reality, don't engage ( grey Rock) and don't take their blame. When they accuse you of behaviors, they are actually telling you how they feel about themselves. This is projection. Thank you for describing and validating what a husband of a covert narcissist endures. Learn as much as you can about NPD. This is so helpful! Darren your content and delivery is direct, informative and relatable to us who have endured this abuse. Thank you Darren!

[@jamesmcpeake1515]

9.59 acts like an innocent bystander in her own marriage lol. I love watching your videos just to hear the way you phrase things

[@jaredw5059]

I shared devastating news with my narc ex and she put on croc tears, gave me a weak hug then sat in the bath for an hour and left me there. Saw me shed a tear later and was bewildered as to why I would. Broke up with me that weekend, but not face to face… by deleting our pics together off her socials. Unfortunately I was hoovered back in briefly but I finally listened to my gut and found out all of her deceit and left. Enormous hypocrisy and double standards all round. Projection, confessions made through fake stories and third party storytelling.

[@jschiek8054]

I brought it up with her, and after a fairly large fight, the issue has gone (not without the occasional cynical comment that I forbid it) but my wife likes to tell what I call “Shitty Bedtime Stories,” in which she waits until the moment my head hits the pillow (literally) to bring up a heavy, unresolvable emotional or financial issue. When I ask why she didn’t bring it up earlier, she’ll claim there was too much going on, when in reality we had been sitting and watching TV together with all the time in the world. She’ll claim I seemed unapproachable, or she didn’t want to disturb my down time. No, just my sleep, right?

[@juliaf7068]

Hearing this, the times when I questioned is it me? I heard some very stressful emotional news from my mother and instead of telling my husband that night I did wait until the next morning because I didnt want to spoil his evening. So I don't tick thst box... thats awful listening to what you have written above. I do hope you are getting on better and yes I hope your children one day see things clearer and make contact. I'm waiting for one of mine. I have no idea if they will ever come back into my life but I live in hope.

[@jschiek8054]

@@juliaf7068 I hope they do, too. My son is the sun to my universe. Without him, I languish in darkness absolute. I hope and pray that yours comes back into your orbit, and soon.

[@juliaf7068]

@@jschiek8054 thank you. I have been trying to work on myself. Had therapy. There are so many in my family who have so many issues and I am trying hard to over come mine, it is difficult to tell if anyone else is doing anything to help themselves, I fear most don't think the problem is theirs. Its easy to blame me for everything. No one can have an honest conversation. If anything is brought up theyre all on the defence. Some days I'm sick to the bottom of my stomach and other days I try to get on with my life as I too am only on this world once. Good luck in your quest for peace.

[@jodyayers4592]

Look up narcissist and sleep deprivation. Yes, it's a thing, a BIG thing.. They keep you exhausted so they can control you better.

[@davidslocum9536]

@@jodyayers4592 YES YES YES! What you're saying is true!!! It's a tactic they use. Jesus, they are so wicked!!

[@michaelhirst3458]

Been married to my wife since 2011. 7 kids, number 8 on the way. I have PTSD and multiple brain injuries from combat. Also have bad adhd. I don't know what to do. I even became suicidal, and tried to explain how constantly putting me down makes it worse, but then it somehow became me using suicide as a threat so I don't have to change. Most our marriage I was overseas or working away from home, but I've been building a business for the last two years and it's been soul crushing. Everything I do is wrong, I've stopped caring about my health or chores as nothing I do meets this standard created for me. And now all she does is speak doubt on all my goals or things I'm working towards in business, but according to her she is simply being realistic in talking about the ways things will most likely go wrong. I have it in my mind that all I need to do is make a million so I can give that to her so I can leave. That's more than 50k per year for the next 18 years, so no one can say I'm not supporting my kids. But I also would fight for custody while also still working to make as much money as possible so I can ensure she remains taken care of and can retire since she did do so much to help raise this family. But as I said, I would be active in raising them and would prefer to have custody but I know she would fight tooth and nail to ruin any chance of that

[@shanastanek432]

Narcissistic abuse also causes PTSD. I have a brain scan to prove it. EMDR therapy helps.

[@volc9738]

Do dna tests for the children .

[@randallbrinkman2570]

Yes , lived it all ! Spot on !

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful

[@debs4672]

This is my favorite video so far. I keep coming back to it. It describes my mother so accurately, it’s shocking. And to think that my father was married to this for 50 years… and to think that I was so brainwashed by her that my eyes opened to it only two weeks after his death, when I became her next target. It really blows my mind. Thank you, it helps to see events in perspective

[@stealthisgreat]

I have been through each and every point that you mentioned with my narc ex-wife. Including gaslighting. Thank you for posting this informative video.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful

[@timothypeterson59]

My God I’m in a bad marriage. Thanks for putting this in perspective and showing me what I’ve been living in.

[@bw1330]

good luck brother...stay safe and take care of yourself

[@etho98]

Everything you have said... I have scoured KZbin to find a description of what my life is like living with a covert narcissistic wife. I find bits and pieces here and there that touch on some of the behaviors, but it also comes along with the idea that I’m more at fault for allowing it to happen to me rather than this woman having an actual, perpetual condition that has scarred me. It’s like screaming through a glass wall to people about what’s going on. Your description fits every single experience I have had and currently having with my wife. Thank you- sincerely. I can feel myself coming out from the illusion.

[@DarrenFMagee]

I’m glad you found the video helpful, thank you for your feedback

[@albertatroshenko5889]

You are a hero. I needed to hear this so badly.

[@cambam001]

I hve recently been learning about Narcissim . It seems that you have been describing my Mother, how she was with my Father and my brother amd myself. I know know that it greatly affected my adult romantic relationships. And now know why I could never negotiate a mutually benifical out come. The lies and twisting the truth were very insidious. But the almost magical power they have to lie and convice others of their "victimhood" is truely like a malignant magical power.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your feedback, and thank you for sharing your experience

[@lynnolmsted4698]

This is so true that it made me cry with the empathy and the sad and sick reality that even people who 'love you' can be liars, cheaters and EVIL!

[@andrestipanovic7407]

Same

[@glo.hardie]

3 years paying rent, phone bill, groceries, clothes, etc all by myself and I still “didn’t do much” for her.

[@jerrymyers7178]

Spot on!!! You described my Covert Narc Ex wife perfectly!!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Glad you found it helpful.

[@steveheliosone6174]

Your descriptions are so perfectly clear and concise - it feels like you were a roommate in our house. EVERYTHING was difficult with my wife. She really was completely disagreeable at all times - a CONSTANT state of unfulfillment and disappointment. I tried so hard to get everything just right, say everything or do everything perfectly, but it was never enough. "Every silver lining will have a cloud" is such a perfect quote. And I truly felt like I was more of a possession than a husband. I thought I was a bad guy or just defective and unlikeable, but it really wasn't even about me (I'm not such a bad person, actually.) I'm so grateful I was able to get out of that relationship - the freedom is priceless. Thank you for this video! I look forward to looking through the rest of your videos.

[@b-six-twelve]

My vulnerable narcissist mom of course got my sibling and me in the divorce and tried to alienate us from our dad. It worked for childhood, but in the teenage years as I realized how much I was getting nagged into a constant state of low self-esteem and anxiety, it struck me what my dad may have been going through in their relationship. Not to say he was blameless, and I can trace both of their behaviors to their own dysfunctional upbringing, but yikes.

[@kieshamiller8255]

Omg🤦‍♀️

[@jonniroseluke1991]

Not to diminish your experience, but this is such a frustrating and all too frequently told story. Thanks for sharing.

[@andrestipanovic7407]

Same

[@buddymack9606]

Thank you for posting this video. You have accurately described my mother's relationship with my father. He is still suffering the effects of her maltreatment. Please pray for them both.

[@theruminator7419]

Over the past 18 months I have watched a lot of videos on the female vulnerable narcissist, some of which were very, very good. However, this may be the best one I have ever seen. I'm not really into the occult but I believe that they (both male and female) are the closest thing to witches that I can think of. Many thanks...

[@jimig399]

I'm with you in thinking that there is an element of evil to these behaviors. My wife wasn't always this way. She changed suddenly. My wife loved me with all her heart. I know she did. Something infected her or possessed her because of her weak mental state due to her mental illness. I watched her eyes change one night. They went from black to bright red like there was a fire burning inside them. I never believed in the occult or fairy tales or whatever. I now believe 1000% that my wife has been possessed by evil. Seeing so many men experiencing the exact same behaviors from their own wives kind of helps lend credence to that idea. Because they all act the same. So many women all acting in the exact same manner... doesn't make any sense unless they are under the influence and control of one singular entity. The devil. I know it sounds crazy but I think it's true.

[@lc5666]

@@jimig399 I'm a woman who has experienced this with my ex husband and I can attest that their eyes change. I felt like I was looking into the eyes of some kind of demon lizard. Their goal is to torture. It's like nothing else. My sympathies are with men who experience this, as I have found that narc women I have known are so much more covert and skillful at manipulating than men, who tend to make more grand, violent scenes.

[@jimig399]

@@lc5666 That's very interesting to hear and I'm grateful that you decided to share with me. I've spoken to at least 6 men directly who have shared the detail of the eyes of their spouses changing. 6 men who I know personally and believe wholeheartedly. I've heard it from at least a dozen more men as an anecdote here on KZbin. Your the first one to tell me about a mans eyes changing similarly. Any idea what it means or why it happens from a scientific point of view? Did your ex-husband have any mental illness?

[@kevinowens6010]

Narcs pack around a Demon. A body with no soul and unable to love always gets a Tar Baby. That Demon wants to share that Tar baby. These personalities are nothing more than Babbling Cadavers.

[@truthseeker-cz6lf]

Doc, it seems that you are inside of my head, reading my thoughts, explaining my feelings, emotions and frustrations.

[@heyoldman2003]

Once again , Thank You. I am so thankful I made it through 41 years of this . I was so beaten down I had givin up the will to life . Never suicidal. But starting smoking a 60 years old . I truly didn’t care . But things have changed. I reconnected with a Lady I may have met in a crib at my oldest sisters house. I have known her all my life … and she is so good to me .. and she has always been a good friend.. and now we’re lovers 😊 I am so happy 😀. Thank you again for validating us . Your shows are very helpful👍🏼

[@randyskolrud7920]

It is kinda hard to admit how accurate and spot-on you are on these characteristics, and that I didn't put the pieces together before. 30 year marriage ended with a brutal discard and attempted alienation from our kids...slowly digging out but getting there, a little at a time:) Thanks for your channel and your clear wisdom Blessings!

[@jedimaster3048]

Two questions - firstly are men more likely be be grandiose and women more likely to be vulnerable? - secondly what would the difference (if any) in a vulnerable narcissistic husband?

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for you question and I've made a video on that recently

[@quabot]

I think this is accurate, she’s consistent with this, but not as constant. She does give enough reprieve to make me think there’s hope it will get better.

[@EarInn]

I grew up with someone like this. I wasn't the husband, I was the child, but the patterns apply.

[@SandyCove143]

Well done! Scary true and sadly very relatable. The ONLY way out is total and complete NC. Even then, it’s tough slogging at first. Thank you!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful

[@ned3655]

Mr Magee, you are spot on with everything you said, you have described my wife of over 30yrs to a tee. I’d love to hear you explain about flying monkeys as well, my wife uses one of our twin sons who is 39yo as her enforcer to attack me physically, she spoils him rotten, she will be making a lovely roast dinner for instance and dish him up a meal and herself when I’m not aware the meal is ready yet, then sit herself down at the tv to start her evening, if I ask when is dinner going to be ready, she says is been ready for ages you should have known, and by the time I get to eat what should have been a delicious dinner, it’s already cold and now needs to be microwaved. The list goes on with how unloving and disrespectful she. Oh and if I ever say ( I love you ) yo her she says (I know you do) or just right out refuses to respond. What a pathetic type of people they are!!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for sharing and for suggesting a topic. I have made 3 videos previously on flying monkeys, what they are, how they’re recruited and dealing with them. Hope they are helpful for you.

[@Browny00999]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This has been my life for 24 years. I only started to become aware that something was not right about 6 years ago, but over the last twelve months the behaviours have had me researching what was wrong with me. I have seen a few videos on KZbin and the web on this subject, but this one explains the situation so well and in such a relatable style. Thank you. I now know that I am not wholly at fault. My reactions to poor behaviour were not the problem, the behaviours are the problem. My awareness has only caused an increased level of these poor behaviours, but I now know how to react and control my responses and reactions. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and some fear and anxiety for what will be new beginnings, but I can hold my head up high with my Karma clean and my values intact. Once again, Thank you for this post.

[@brianjcpierson8534]

This hurts so bad, this is exactly how I was treated……I was known as the guy who was the happiest guy you ever met, or people would say, your always smiling…..I lost it all, all my friends most family my job, because of her….i was put in a menatal hospital by her saying I was no-polar, this was a 20 year relationship, my only in life……I just thought that’s how relationships where……I write this as I’m laying in my bed unable to get up. This video did help, but only momentarily, I don’t know how to rebuild when you don’t have any real support system…..or anyone to talk regularly. She took advantage of how nice and easy going I was…..

[@fischerking86]

This

[@Time4House]

i hope you are better now. I am just out of an 8 year Narc relationship. I fortunately discarded her just before she left me.

[@edigabrieli7864]

I have watched dozens of videos explaining narcissists but from experience I can say this is the most accurate of them all.

[@lucasciullo8938]

Thank you for making this video. You described the experiences I have with my wife as if you were observing them first hand and taking notes. It’s eye opening for me to realize what has actually been going on.

[@andreabuntpercy]

You're describing my husband, especially the parts about being the victim and expecting constant support while offering none. He didn't seem to know how. We were an isolated couple because I was uncomfortable making plans with anybody in case he cancelled at the last minute. Or he wouldn't speak a word when he got to a gathering. I was on tenterhooks most of the time. I think my decades with him added up to complex PTSD and yet I didn't twig to it for the longest time. I went for counselling and had good community support for four years away from him. I have mostly dug myself out of the hole I was in. I contributed to our sick relationship by being the empath to his narcissist, and forgoing any boundaries when I was with him. That made me a sitting duck for his behaviour. The best lesson of my life was learning that I was worthwhile enough to assert boundaries around other people. I thank him for that.

[@BobrDrob]

Very accurate description! Particularly happy to hear that you explained the concentration on the Negative Side of things. She will sacrifice the potential Good Thing (like going out to some nice place) to feeling herself as a poor victim (not going out due to me being late for 5 minutes). Like concentration on the Impossibilities instead of Possibilities... And Sabotage.. Don't remember if anyone else is mentioning this, but yes, constant sabotage...

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you and i'm glad you found it helpful

[@jimmcadams9924]

Thanks for sharing. I have not heard anyone explain this better then you have. I hope anyone who has lived through this environment finds healing . This video certainly can help a person that has endured this realize they are not crazy.

[@gypsymonk8229]

20 years !!! Lucky to be alive today! It took YEARS to discover !!!! She was a MASTER ACTOR and MANIPILATOR! Pure Jezebel !!!

[@MyTomwilliams]

Thank you! I am in the process of ending the relationship to my wife of 37 years. It is very difficult to not feel I could have done more to make it work. I have accepted my wife’s behaviour as an illness but still hope and believe she can be healed. Not that I want to be together again but rather for her to just be free from the bondage of self.

[@rositahuff4858]

....I left a boyfriend like that ....years ago...they never change! Living away from them ( even by yourself ) is wonderful!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Glad you're in a better place

[@MrFancy91]

I dated and lived with someone like this for 5 years. I finally left her a year ago, thank god we never married. In the beginning she was so different, the love of my life. Only a year in did she subtlety start to manipulate and control everything. I had never been so miserable and depressed in my entire life. They will isolate you and slowly suffocate you in their toxic vortex. I’m grateful to have such supportive friends and family that were very honest with me. Thanks for this great video!

[@melodythomas9460]

this is insanely accurate and this absolutely 100% defines my mom. when i try to point out all that she does to my dad especially, but also myself and others, she only ever walks away saying you're "attacking her" or "being mean" and NEVER takes accountability for anything. then she runs around and smear campaigns DAILY to ANYONE who listens and then i'm the bad guy now receiving calls from my siblings threatening me to "stop making her cry". she triangulates & compares us and now we have a shit relationship. i'd love if you could delve into this topic regarding if this person is your mom. it really takes a severe toll on your mental, emotional & physical. & you begin to realize even your romantic relationships are effected by it

[@Lovethequeen53]

I have just found your channel. My son is married to a person just like you have explained. For years I have known there was something wrong but couldn’t put my finger on what it was. You have just described his life to a tee. Thank you.

[@educamacho76]

Wow you Just covered and shed light to my 22 year old marriage.stundt to how i opened my eyes.still healing and recovering from the wounds but i will persist in the life Just as i pictured it.thank you for such a valuable piece of information.best wishes for 2021

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful and best wishes to you also

[@mackky101]

I am actually facing this every day in my life. I am really frustrated. Thank you, Sir. This clears all my doubts. You are right on every point you explained.

[@mikesaccoia5748]

Oh my good lord! This was so soul cleansing. This is my marriage to a tee. In her eyes I'm always the problem. All the time. Every time. I can do no right and she no wrong. Her way or the highway. Any attempt to offer my opinion, insight, or constructive criticism is met with dismissiveness. Accusing me of always wanting to be right . Even though I acquiesce every time to her to keep the peace. Thank you so much for helping me to see I'm not the evil person I've been conditioned to believe I am.

[@danevasko3608]

Spot on! That is how my mom treated us kids. And really, she still does, just in a new way. It’s nice to hear that’s actually not all me. Thank you 🙏

[@bmca6892]

Nothing ever gets resolved,all talks over you when you find yourself shouting,they say “your always shouting.you don’t know how to talk” my ex wife’s dad is a narcissist,her brother said he was,gaslighting was her favourite...you name it she would use to start an agreement,she said she hated silence but wouldn’t talk for days,my father had just past away and the sec day he’d passed she started an agreement about something i said or probably didn’t do & before I’d left the house to go up to my dads wake,I’d went into give her a kiss and she pushed me away,after that I new she wasn’t right for me and to get out..

[@DarrenFMagee]

Hope you’re in a better place today

[@bmca6892]

@@DarrenFMagee good morning Darren thank you for your kind words,I am in a far better place,i count myself lucky,there’s men out there that don’t,it’s just getting used to not being controlled and abused but that will come in time..have a good day and nice weekend.

[@marthawhite3353]

Darren, these are great. Very helpful to hear this material over and over again, so that it can sink into our addled minds. These people can really mess with your head and it can take time to get it all sorted out and realize - oh my gosh! that is what they did and it was messed up!

[@DeadLkeMe]

This describes my sister-in-law to a *T* , it's almost eerie. It's so painful watching my brother suffer from her emotional abuse and manipulation but everytime I try to talk to him, he gets defensive or denies that he is being abused. Early in their relationship, every time she was worried he might leave, she'd get pregnant (despite saying she was on the pill). He's not a perfect victim but he's been heavily depressed with terrible thoughts and I have no idea how to reach him. Reading some of these comments makes me sad but gives me hope that he'll be able to see her true colors and leave.

[@zarbins]

Any chance he would watch the video if you sent it to him?

[@artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537]

I lived this for 30 yrs. Grateful that I journaled daily thru the time. My journals are the only truth I have as my mind,Will and soul were smothered by her. Every word of this content is spot on. Thank you.

[@simev500]

A hell of a price to pay by the husband when the wife's parent(s) failed miserably in raising her as a child.

[@mrfantano]

🏆

[@njpurser]

Highly accurate observations.

[@RubensSSouza]

ok. I have watched hundreds of very good videos that describe my wife's personality. This is amongst the top videos on my list. I almost feel like she will have to agree with everything that tis said in this video if she watches it. The traits are ALL an exact match. Thank you very much for sharing your knowledge Darren.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful

[@nickf2170]

I experienced that. Women I was dating had this exact issue.....she destroyed her ex-husband. Not financially, emotionally. He turned into a "death wish alcoholic". And after seeing her for 5 years, I noticed MY drinking slowly but steadily increased to the point where I was just as bad as her ex-husband (though, only on the weekends and when I was around her). Our relationship ended at about the 5 1/2 year mark. And you know what, I have not had a single drink since, three years now. My point is, its very easy to drown your feelings and to numb out with alcohol when subjected with this crap. Its a sign, you need to get out.

[@harshaananya]

Amazing and perfectly described. Listen over and over again.

[@greghayes7933]

Man doc you nailed this ...sadly I was discarded about 5 years ago after 20 year long marriage ....I'd plead with her and ask why she wouldn't even touch me our last 5 years ...she just stare at me or say , " I'm not talking about that now " to this day we we never have ....the lack of empathy and quiet cruelty I endured I wouldn't wish on a terrorist ...sadly I knew nothing about covert narcissism until a year ago...I just thought I must be the problem the whole time ...what an eye opener to say the least...ty again for all your help

[@rushmanzero]

This is SPOT ON to what I experienced. We went to couples therapy for two straight years. She didn’t try to work on anything we did in therapy. Would always make it about her feelings. I only asked that she treated me kindly and spent some time with me. In those two years I set up two dates for us. Around her schedule. On Valentine’s Day she showed up 35 minutes late. On the second date she stated she was Ill with a stomach issue. She really tried to sell it. But it was obvious she was fine. She blamed everything on me always. All I did was support her financially, emotionally and with my time and attention. She would create circular arguments where I had to explain myself over and over and she would use selective hearing to try and offset what I’m saying. She’s give me a blank stare and be like ‘are we done talking yet?’ It has been a nightmare.

[@alandyall8883]

I have been married to a Narcissist for over 60 years. I only found out in 2021, I decided to stay because of my financial and personal arrangements. I can relate to all the traits you mentioned in the video. Alan Dyall

[@pmbboc]

How are you Alive? Any tips for someone much younger dealing with this

[@michaelosullivan8708]

great insight, watched twice and took notes, thanks Darren. Grateful 🙏

[@social_sigma369]

Sad thing is; I have a friend that is going thru counseling with his wife and she has projected all of these traits onto him and has had private conversations with their counselor. Now the counselor is convinced that the husband is a "covert narcissist". He has given up and now paying for a professional bully.

[@neena9202]

That's really sad. Ive heard of this sort of thing happening and to me its amazing that a therapist could fall for that, but it does happen and is such a shame. Cant even trust professionals

[@lynnolmsted4698]

Do not go to couples therapy. Go to individual therapy with a therapist who understands this type of abuse. This type of abuse is the worst form of abuse! Its so sick, and there is no excuse for this type of abuse! its a horrible insidious torturous slow death!

[@scousemouse9715]

Watching this as an ex wife to see if its me. Best video I've seen so far on this subject. Thank you for posting.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your kind feedback, glad you found it helpful

[@brianreed8271]

Just the fact that you're wondering if it's you proves that it is not.