The Whole Playlist: Invisible Labor of Women and the Learned Helplessness of Men

[@redgoddess]

Heard someone say we are no longer celibate to save ourselves for marriage. Now we are celibate to save ourselves. I get that. These men are indeed a lost cause.

[@overtremendouslyblah]

Yep. I am basically an enthusiastic female incel. Lollll. Like I would but I never meet any men who are worth it. But unlike male incels, I am totally happy with it and it does not make me angry or anything lol

[@throughthedin]

I'm 100% genuine rn this is not a joke. Consider dating women. Join the dark side, we have joyful egalitarian households and mutually nourishing relationships.

[@DutchAlcott]

@@overtremendouslyblahthat’s a reflection of your self tbh. Plenty of my friends can’t find good women but I always pick a good girlfriends that span into long time relationships 🤷🏾‍♂️ - we both have access to the same women and they can’t find good ones, the world reflects back what you are. If you can’t find a good man it’s not because there’s not good men. The same way they couldn’t find good women despite living in the same place as me.

[@fortyshorty2459]

@@DutchAlcottmale INCEL 🚨

[@ragingrn8342]

Single, celibate, & childfree= Safe, Sane, & Financially Solvent. Married? Well, it's no coincidence that Married rhymes with Buried.

[@blackcherry07]

Also men could have an entirely separate life with a mistress and enjoy freedom , while the wife remains invisible and caged in her un appreciated and ignored slave life , while the man gets praised and goes out with his work buddies and gets to live . women have just been suffocated by men .

[@EmyN]

And if he’s caught is treated as normal, while if a woman did it people would think she’s a monster, the double standards…

[@Lex2034-f7y]

Facts

[@TiffyVella1]

Can relate. Was left to maintain the home and work my arse off alone while running a business and working several part-time jobs while ex set up a secret-to-me separate household with another woman when he traveled for work. It was horrendous as he came back to cast aspersions upon my character in order to minimise his shit behaviour and move her into our home. Please know that this was many years ago. It took ages, but I'm 99.999% excellent with a very happy life and a lovely family. All is well in my life, but I am very aware of how men can so easily get away with appalling behaviour, while claiming that women are the gold diggers and money-grubbers and manipulators. Society absolutely enables them.

[@73cidalia]

This reminds me of a woman comedian's standup routine where she said that if you ever wanted proof that husbands have way less responsibility in a marriage, especially with kids, just think of all the men with secret second families, and then imagine a woman trying that. She wouldn't even want to. She mentioned cooking dinner, cleaning up, and then while in the middle of cleaning a toilet, thinking to yourself "You know what I could really use right now? Another one of these." 😂

[@yonpark6245]

Also ladies, vetting a grown ass man that can take care of himself is NOT ENOUGH. My ex had a full time job, clean home, stocked fridge and kept himself smelling and looking good when we were dating. Once the baby was out, suddenly I was saddled with the cooking, cleaning (I just did it better according to him), childcare and managing EVERYTHING. This on top of working 40 hours a week as a doctor, and he 20 hours a week. I vetted, and he lied his way into retirement. Just don't.

[@Uke2405]

20 hours a week? What was his job?

[@constancep7632]

I'm sorry you went through that. I had a similar experience. He was hardworking, doting and thoughtful. After marriage and a kid, very slowly and sporadically, he would stop doing things, until we had a house and a second kid. And then boom, he worked his 9-5 job and mowed the lawn in summer/shovelled the driveway in winter, but that was it. I tried talking. I tried stopping doing it all. I got yelled at and threatened. So when I was stable enough to take care of the kids on my own, I kicked him out.

[@yonpark6245]

​​@@Uke2405Nurse. I made 6 times what he made and he wasn't the slightest bit embarassed about it. In fact, he called my salary "our income". Lol. I am so glad he is out of my hair.

[@J2307]

I'm happy to hear he's an ex.

[@enchanted222]

Yes, the bait and switch is real. Sometimes they can do it for themselves, but when a woman is in his life, then the patriarchal entitlement kicks in.

[@ButterflyBree]

She's preaching to the converted!! The more I learn and reflect about weaponized incompetence and the coddling of adult males, the less attractive they are ro deal with. 😅😅🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@InternetNonsense]

And that is the logical response the more they demand coddling, such as "cook me chicken tendies, wash my dirty diaper", the more child-coded he becomes and all we hear is "mommy, mommy" (their obsession with fun and games over reality doesn't help), and since we are not freaks like them, that cools the bedroom like nothing else, because what in the noncery is that? We even view them as incompetent although they fully know how to take advantage of you, they just become these helpless babies in our eyes, but it's all just just to abuse you out of your time and energy for their comfort. They don't even care that it's a turn-off to wash their skid marks and chew up meals for them. Because they don't want love, they don't love us at all, they want a free service and to put us down so they get pats on the back from other disturbed male bros, who hate us too.

[@dusklvr]

I don't fit in anywhere in this world. It used to bother me but it doesn't anymore. I'm so tired of sexist double standards. They're messing with us.

[@mariuwu789]

Marriage should be a blessing and an inspiration for those around the couple... But each time I see these videos, it seems more like a trap to keep women down.

[@unicorn73212]

​@@mariuwu789It is there's so many double standards and things they expect women to put up with because there panicking because there afraid they might go extinct that's were this learned helplessness stuff comes from but learned victim hood seems more appropriate they project everything that goes in society onto women even there highly more likely to commit crimes then women and they leave everything for women to figure out there's not one of them I've come across that didn't blame there ex girlfriend for something they did wrong to mess up the relationship admiting to there mistakes toys with there ego but when people dont hold them accountable to the same laws as everyone else that's how they turn evil when people reward them for bad behavior like it's something they can flex on and brag about to there homies.

[@heathersnyder8789]

I don’t fit in either. We are two peas in a pod.

[@FeelTehPOWA]

I'm so tired too, hearing awful unjust things xys do to women. Ranging from disrespect to gr4pe and murder... everyday... and then talking to them on a daily basis, hearing them talk (post me waking up) you just can't go back, you can't unhear or unsee. It's celibacy to save your own integrity/sanity 😢

[@nki5ikni5i45]

46:25 monopolizing access to resources is the truest evil trait of the male human

[@sonja4164]

💯

[@alexavasquez1992]

Yes absolutely. it's the root of slavery. Princella says hoarding resources is in male nature though. This one trait is how they get and maintain the upper hand in everything

[@sonja4164]

@@alexavasquez1992 I think she's on point with that.

[@BLKfootIndian]

😡💯 irony of it all is women still live longer in famine cuz women have more body fat​@@alexavasquez1992

[@philpurple2019]

Her breakdown is so brilliant. I could never explain why I understood that the amount of labor a woman had to do in marriage was the same regardless of the amount of money a man made, but I did understand that a man needed to make enough money to make that labor seem worthwhile, and thus a low earning man wasn’t worth being married to unless he was picking up domestic labor without prompting. I tell all my friends “marry a man you think deserves (insert domestic labor here) because they all expect them!”

[@propainaccessories]

Yup. It's the unspoken promise between men. No matter what they do, what they earn, the type of man he is at the core, Women are a constant. And we will always serve. But men can come in every flavor. I realized this on a journey with a man who had nothing, everything, something, nothing again. I was to be constant. Always cooking, cleaning, docile, submissive. My role even when I worked and made more money than him was to be constant. He however had the grace to be an ever changing man worthy of the same woman. Men can have their character preserved, but my character is based solely on my ability to serve. I call it the "man of the house" syndrome. They are ALL the man of the house as long as a woman is present, no matter what he brings to the relationship. I also finally found the language for this. ❤

[@blackcherry07]

@@propainaccessorieswow that makes perfect sense ! they get to be terrible but always have a “good wife”. Screw that !

[@shakwon619]

​@@propainaccessories That's why they can be broke, homeless, hopeless and useless and show up at some woman's house and be the man of the house. Pure foolishness.

[@natcl9974]

I always saw it as a trap and I would spiral mentally when I seriously thought about marriage, like if he made enough money, investing, business, a home, food and gardening to save some money but also know what we’re putting in our bodies, and if we had children could we provide education, a safe environment, a well rounded community, a scope of learning outside of school, healthcare, clothing, and comfort. It would be so overwhelming that I literally would opt out of even engaging or the relationship because I wasn’t confident the man could, so-call, ‘provide’.

[@ladymuse1022]

@@propainaccessoriesyessss, all the while wmn are inherently seasonal (cycle, maid to crone, infradian rhythm)

[@AskDarlingNikki]

Guess what I’m doing today on my “day off” duty: • fixing 2 dresser drawers • moving 2 new dressers in the house • rearranging furniture in my children’s rooms • measuring & looking for replacement fridge parts • taking a few things down from the attic for spring/summer Things that I waited for the so called “man of the house” to do for months. But every time I tried to gently remind him as to not hurt his ego he would tell me to “quit nagging” and basically get off his back. This wasn’t a man that was generally perceived as a “dusty” this is someone that most will still call a “good guy” to the date. Ladies: leave these ashgaurdians homeless, hungry and horny. Let then bring their own things to their own tables without us. I’m over it and I tell my stories on my YT channel also. Thank you for sharing these stories !!

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Reminds me of the phrase: When a man says he will do it, he will do it. You don't need to remember him every half of a year. 😄

[@craffte]

Thank YOU for sharing yours!!

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

I remember seeing posts about this a way back. some guy says "oh she is nagging me, if I said I do it then I do it but when I want to." and suddenly the job gets done because she did it, and he will absolutely have him self pat on the back for job well done. because to them if they say they do something it equates to them already having done it, so when the problem fixes it self (she fixes it) it means he just willed it into being like magic so he can feel good about him self.

[@min_tea_]

My daughter is 11 now and since she was little I have told her that if a boy is being mean to you it’s because he is a little asshole. ❤

[@CherieMonique5]

Is it possible to nominate this woman for a Nobel prize??? This is information most of us women don’t truly understand until around/ after 35 And even then it is not easily articulated. This breakdown is truly brilliant.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

I understood it at 23, thank fully. I actually told my first boyfriend at the time, "You have to change, but you must do it for yourself." And opted not to date anymore from 26, after second boyfriend, for almost 15 years. Used my energy otherwise and enjoyed my life. I have no regrets whatsoever.

[@AwsomeEnforcer]

This is so true! like it took me having children with a man and then relying on his resources completely to understand what was happening and by then it's too late. Young women TAKE NOTE!

[@Lex2034-f7y]

I believe she is educated. I came to the exact realization while studying in college. It expands the brain and allows you to think more and question the life around you. At least for me it was. That’s when I also started reading books other than those forced upon me. It’s so much knowledge out there but people don’t read on their own time. Bell Hooks, Ida B Wells, Mamie Mobley, etc. it’s a lot of women writing stories about the lives of women. Many of which still apply today. This lady here articulates everything so well. I wish I could force all young girls to listen to her. Their lives depend on this information. She is pouring out knowledge for us all to absorb and take heed to. 😂❤

[@legslikewhoa]

It’s giving dissertation and if that’s the case, she nailed it!!!

[@nki5ikni5i45]

32:35 🤮...where he's acts like an attentive father & husband in public just for the external accolades.

[@TiffyVella1]

Hearing how girls are taught at a young age to "suck it up" and become socialised to give up free labour reminds me of when I overheard my ex'es family who were planning a dinner party. Some couples would be bringing small kids, so another couple was encouraged to bring their 12/13 year old daughter, because she was "such a lovely girl" and she would keep all the little kids busy and quiet in another room. Her invitation came with the expectation that she would work for free all evening. She was known as "such a lovely girl" because she was compliant. It was a small moment I overheard several decades ago, but somehow it annoyed me and I couldn't understand why until now.

[@shellylen]

This is so good! My daughter think I hate men. I don’t but I see the reality of the circumstances we are living in. The only thing that will cause change is for men to lose their “crutch” and hit rock bottom. When the human condition become uncomfortable enough is when people change. While men are comfortable and getting what they want from women, which is support, they will never grow and evolve into better humans.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

This 100%, just read a comment of some defending the Bible, trying to say it's less sexist than they thought because us being men's "helpers" could be more accurately translated as "life savers." As if that isn't the same thing with some sugar coating, still means they want us women to push everything to the side and save men from themselves. No thank you, if men need saving from themselves, then they are a danger to themselves and everyone around them, and us women should stick together and save ourselves. These men are not helpless, they just want to be, and pretending it's women's divine purpose to keep them on the straight and narrow is just as sexist and ridiculous as the typical "helper" translation. People will fight tooth and nail to sugar coat and normalize men being broken and incomplete people, and women having the sole responsibility to fix all that.

[@ClearandHealthyBoundaries]

I thank God EVERYDAY for my wonderful husband. I'm SUFFERING with postpartum depression after having my son 3 mths ago and the only reason I'm not hospitalized is because he's a genuine PARTNER.

[@constancep7632]

Sending love. Post partum is hard AF

[@stregalilith]

You are so lucky he is like that. I hope he continues ❤

[@Egg_Apron]

36:55 Rule one of taking and extracting a natural resource is: Devalue the resource so that the original holder of the resource (Women and Girls, our bodies and labor) don't perceive the value of the resource. The devaluing of our resources is ongoing and essential to the function of Capitalism.

[@parklady4233]

Yeah, well I was a shm for 15 years mine was a good provider until he decided he didn’t want to work or be married anymore. He ran me off with anger and rage. I left to show him a lesson. He never got better, wont get job or pay bills, went on welfare, and then filed for divorce! Just don’t bother dealing with men. I thought I had a unicorn. I loved him so much I suffered with struggle love the whole time. Finally realized, he hates me like the plant destroyers.

[@navideology]

She has such a great ability to break down complex concepts into lucid, inviting, insightful discussions. She IS Wisdom! ❤

[@AB-qv9ku]

She broke this down to the TEA BABY.

[@janine3330]

I am so impressed with her impecable and extensive breakdown of the patriarchy. 💯

[@Kim-vw4nx]

Let me add this as well . MEN SCREAM “I’m the Breadwinner, I have to go to work , I have to pay bills “ just to be able to escape helping out , work is an escape for a lot of people . That’s why when you do find men that are stay at home dads or single parents they sound like the so called “ bitter women “ they always talk about because they actually know what it is to take care of someone 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@mckennak3523]

nearly an hour long video?? you spoil us. appreciate you and your work, burb, you and creators like you are invaluable ❤❤

[@BurbNBougie]

So nice of you

[@erasorhed]

Hear, hear! I’m watching this whole thing again right now, with my best friend, and I couldn’t agree more! This is excellent.

[@c.v.3025]

So a fun fact that I learned recently as a Christian for the 6:20 part. Apparently, in the Bible when it says that God created a “helper” for Adam, the direct translation of the Hebrew word in the Bible (‘pixas’) translates to “life saver”. Women were created to be life savers. And I wonder who first translated the Bible for that word to be translated as “helper” cause that has been used against women for so long to suggest that we are secondary to men. I swear, sometimes the more I learn about the Bible the more I learn that the sexism used against women in Christianity is cultural and man made, not Biblical.

[@OpaloAzul]

I mean, that would still make women the responsible of men...

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Ezer... Saviour The Roman christian patriarchy changed it as it suited their patriarchal system.

[@shakwon619]

Wait till you find out about enslaved persons and religion.

[@c.v.3025]

@@OpaloAzul I mean not necessarily responsible for, because men were still meant to take care of their wives, (and vice versa*), but saying “helper” instead of “life saver” definitely has been used to minimize what women do and the value of what they do for a long time. I feel like it just puts them both on a more equal field. Edit: Really everyone is supposed to help take care of one another in the Bible cause of the whole “love thy neighbor” point, but it’s people/cultures who say “woman this is your responsibility, man this is your responsibility.” But we’re all supposed to be mutually taking care of one another not out of duty or force, necessarily, but out of the goodness of our hearts and to show Jesus/God’s spirit through our kindness, generosity, and compassion.

[@c.v.3025]

@@shakwon619 I mean, I know of it, but I’m still trying to learn more about it. I know that religion has been weaponized against enslaved ppl as well, but I’m still trying to learn to what extent as well

[@foxylady6901]

Thank you so much!!! Im not on tik tok, so im happy to be able to see this video.

[@BurbNBougie]

No problem 😊!! Y'all asked and I handled it.

[@sonja4164]

Yes, I'm not on TT either. So thanks a bunch. ​@BurbNBougie

[@MelodieRose727]

Same, and this is incredible. So much good information. ❤

[@acujenpete]

Story time!: I pulled up on invisible labor in 2003. Was living with a man, spent 90 minutes every week grocery shopping at a minimum, another 90 minutes putting those groceries into smaller portions and in the freezer fridge, cooked meals 5 to 6 days a week yet another 20 to 90 minutes daily, and at least once or twice a month would do a whole afternoon 3 to 4 hours of cooking prepping and freezing off meals. I also did 99% of the housework. ALL of unpaid unseen labor. WAIT, IT GETS WORSE: HE was making 3 times more than I was yet he was insisting that we continue to split all of the rent and utility and even grocery bills 50/50. This was over 20 years ago babies, you think that 50/50 was invented when the podcast Bros got microphones? oh no they have been grinding us down from the jump. Being that I was in charge of so much unpaid invisible labor, I sat him down and pointed out that as a man he ate 2/3 of the groceries to my 1/3, I did 100% of all of the food Labor end preparation and preservation, paid 50% of the bill, and* all of the house care in keeping and hygiene. I also pointed out that he made three times as much as me and then he used more of the physical space than I did and more of the utilities than I did. And What Do You Think My Entitled BF said? No, he didn't want to make any changes, (it suited him juuuuuust fine). Ok, i said - I'm Not Doing It Anymore. Him: Whatchamean? Me: No more free labor. I stop shopping I stopped food prep I stopped cooking for him I stopped buying the things that he liked I stopped cleaning the house and it got kind of gross but I just knuckled through I moved into the guest bedroom he got no more free anything I wouldn't even give him my listening/ attention, I would just wave my hand or make that little cut at my neck hand wave, like I'm not listening to you, I didn't even water the plants and bit the insides of my lips while I watch them turn brown and die. And you know what? Even though he figured out how much I was making his life work, how much his seemingly beautiful life relied on the backbone and effort of a woman that he was happy to sap for her time effort and money, while pretending he didn't have to give me any acknowledgment or respect, he couldn't and or wouldn't relent. Just couldn't admit that he was wrong and he didn't change or adjust. Last I heard he was addicted to corn and living in his sister's basement.

[@shakwon619]

😂😂😂

[@TheSamjane4]

That was my ex too…I refused to do anymore for him and everything went pear shaped and he still refused to do anything…just happily lived in the filth and bought takeaway every night and got obese from it ….so I left

[@Lyagani]

Glad you got out! What a nightmare.

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

I am thoroughly convinced that they are made of entitlement and audacity. 😅

[@shaypope4732]

Sounds like my brother his wife is pregnant with their 6th child he got fired as a cop so he sold his property and been living rent free in my other property for 8yrs his wife works even though she isn't supposed to with this child and he complained that she doesn't do or make enough cause they can't afford anything but having another kid I tried to get my other brother he's a Dr to tie her tubes cause he won't get a snip snip and he said we trying to break up his family my dad wants me to kick him out so bad cause he's the one that brought those properties for each of us but my brother cause more damage n he blame the kids but the camera show it's him being drunk and he doesn't even know about the cameras but I don't want my nieces and nephews homeless is the only reason y they still have a home

[@ARS-fn6px]

Im sorry but I am very impressed by this YOUNG girl seeing and explaining it so clearly and easily. Its really low key genius. NOW I understand better what Princella is trying to say. Only this girl does a way better job conveying it with love, compassion, understanding and without the abvs3, inflated ego and hostility towards her followers and women in general. I love Princella but she sometimes really grind my gears and I cant comprehened when she says we need to feel compassion for men. NOW I actually fully understand it. Very wel done young lady!

[@thelastshallbefirst6036]

Like Princella said, men cannot perform house and family duties. Women are the true community. Women actually help each other out whether they like each other or not. Men would never be your friend.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

The compassion bit is because men are like that to some extent due to their brain structure. She means be compassionate from a distance.

[@ARS-fn6px]

​@@VeeKayGreenerGrass No need to explain thank you. This girl already said it all.

[@AwsomeEnforcer]

She is actually so intelligent I am so proud of Gen Z for this enlightenment!

[@videofan1010]

I actually really enjoy Princilla and agree with a lot of the things she's said. Its a shame she can't take criticism. And she hasn't realized other women realized similar things to her on a similar timeline (she and I are close in age and unlike her I've never been married and have no children because I didn't like men's behaviors). Women like me are actually looking for community - not to be snarked at or criticized.

[@jessitabonita]

I'm not on TikTok, so I truly appreciate your effort to upload here on KZbin. Thank you! ❤

[@tabithatalon6902]

My friend's marriage has consistency in it. It's the only relationship i have seen that is healthy. They have been married for 15 years

[@themysticwarriorgal9465]

Heavy on that consistency part. Im ace and when i was 17 i decided to be in a relationship not bc of love but bc i wanted an experience . I told him i don't have any feelings for him and the whole thing is just an experience for me. In the beginning he was pretty attentive and present but as time went he barely even texted and so on. I remember continuously telling him about how hes barely communicating nor trying to. Then he would try to be attentive then go ghost again. I wasn't hurt or anything since its all an experiment for me but now after watching videos on that breadcrumbing tactic i guess thats what he did. But fortunately for me i wasn't attracted nor interested in him so it was pretty easy for me to break up with him. I remember he asked me why i wanted to break up and i just said " idk i just want to. " I thought that was the dumbest question and im glad i didn't tell him the reason. Watching videos like this is so insightful. I don't plan on entering any romantic relationships with them. If i could go through that i can't imagine a woman that actually falls for men blindly and what they tolerate and go through. My advice to all women is to look at life and people objectively. Detachment is honestly the key.

[@OpaloAzul]

You sound more like aromantic than asexual for the way you told it

[@natcl9974]

I did this before as a teen 😂 I just got into dating a guy just to try it, I remember re-wiring my brain too just to show puppy love (am not an affection person). He was attentive and had ambition at first, but gradually would say he didn’t want to go to school anymore, he wanted to be a rapper or something, I remember something just didn’t feel right about him losing interest in his goals and eventually ended it. I almost hardly cant continue if a man doesn’t have goals, ambitions or aspirations. I ended a relationship years later because my ex didn’t have friends (I became his only friend). That was strenuous and it didn’t really develop the relationship as one would assume. It was a hindrance. I don’t think I can’t even bother at all anymore.

[@jxtchilling]

So true, if I entertain a man it's for the plot of the story and observational purposes.

[@ursilaminor6447]

That is literally not possible for most ppl

[@themysticwarriorgal9465]

@@OpaloAzul oh really? I don't also have any sexual attraction to anyone. I'm just there. 😅

[@acujenpete]

Went on 3 dates with a guy, got a text to pick up his 2 kids, bring them to soccer practice. Um, sir? I'm booked with patients til 7p, AND I'VE Never MET your kids. Texted back to the effect of: not available-patients. Got a stream of text starting with disbelief I was a)busy, b) committed to my patients, c) deluded I thought I was a 'real doctor,' d) I was severely F'ing him and his kids (whom, again, I'd never met). Mr. 3 Dates, just because you're TRYING to have a relationship with my va j j, does not mean your kids were birthed from it*. THEY have a mom, THEY have grandparents, family- OR... Did you, Mr.3 Dates, implode your life, relationships, and whatever-so any 3+ date female is 'on the hook' to service you and your kids? 🤔

[@ellegmye]

Wow some men are next level delusional and insane. You can't convince me this man's mind is all there.

[@shakwon619]

😮😮😮😮 U gotta be kidding!

[@TheSamjane4]

Wow..I’ve heard of some serious male entitlement but this takes the cake 😂

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

😮

[@Esme26433]

Wow!!!

[@studiosandi]

The Bible says a man should not be alone because it is also a source of misogyny. As is all religions.

[@sonja4164]

Facts 💯

[@ArtisteRel]

Exactly. The first place to start in reprogramming from all this is the book that demands women to submit to men. Any relationship advice in there is more than likely more harmful than helpful.

[@acujenpete]

I'd posit that ancient texts saying a man shouldn't live alone is because they hedonistly self destruct

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

The bible is addressing men. It was put together by Roman Patriarchal Christians.

[@madarawijerathne276]

Religions need herd continuing so they definitely want women to couple up with a man

[@amberinthemist7912]

My daughters all get 2 days off a month from school for their period. The school can bite me if they have an issue with it. Ignoring how hard it is is complete bullshit.

[@ButterflyBree]

I don't have heavy or painful cycles but I always thought it was weird and cruel to expect girls to go to school, during that time. I had a few classmates who had painful cramps and they were always at school. I'm glad younger parents are changing their perspective on this.

[@tamiekaaugusta4058]

We are LITERALLY expected to take medicine, wear whatever CATCHES THE FLOW, and STILL look cute 💅💄🤌😎, and NOT have accidents 🥺. Then the expectation is still to FAUX SMILE😣😵‍💫😩 & GRIN 😊😁 AND be perky, chipper , & be friendly (when you want to curl up in the fetal position) while on our cycle ALL while OUR AILMENTS are DELIBERATELY being ignored TO OUR FACE 😒😤🤬. I have to LITERALLY let loose & be evil to gain their respect & chocolate 🤷‍♀️.

[@Esme26433]

I love this!!

[@demigoth]

My female gym teachers wouldn't let me sit on the bleachers or lie on a cot when I had debilitating period cramps, they thought I was faking. Thank you for giving your kids the medical rest they need and deserve!

[@alexavasquez1992]

That's beautiful. As a mom of a 5 yr old and 22 month old daughters, I hadn't thought of that yet, but I know I will do the same. I already let me five year old stay home from school if she's feeling really tired, and we do make up lessons at home. She loves school so I know she doesn't fake it to avoid school 😊

[@parklady4233]

This woman is excellent at explaining extremely difficult subject matter.

[@ClearandHealthyBoundaries]

My son is only 3 mths old and i'm very intentional of even encourage his babbling because his dad and I are communicators (we just have to master communicating during uncomfortable or hard conversations) and I want it to be comfortable and innate for him to always express himself freely.

[@parklady4233]

Learned helplessness is a problem. When bad things happen as a child there is NOTHING you can do to change the circumstances. You are helpless. For some people it takes a long time to realize they are adults and they have the power to do what you want. I think a lot of people get into relationships young and feel like they can’t leave abusive partner.

[@EclecticECD]

Hey! I am someone with learned helplessness in a relationship with someone with more learned helplessness (I know, what a dynamic) and as someone who is watching this to help teach myself, this is a very good series! Thank you for posting it!

[@AG-iu9lv]

You & me both! This has helped me in my personal, internal life so much

[@danaagenbroad]

Love her perspective and presentation! It is true from my own experience in an 18 year relationship. I was single and celibate for 14 years after. I heard he had a new gf 3 months later!

[@joylastname3035]

And you know, they think it's an achievement or sticking it to the woman who left them by latching unto another woman quickly. All the while, it's because they fear being alone. They need someone to manage them, but they just don't know or won't admit it even if they know. They're lost without the guiding presence of a woman.

[@moreni2nd405]

🤣New gf will leave too, hopefully sooner for her life....these kinda men don't change. Rinse and repeat miserable 💩s.

[@michelleokafor1268]

I am a visual learner. So when she brought out that color coded chart, something clicked. It's like all the reasons why I, and many women like me, are single and child free by choice made absolute proven and mathematical sense.

[@ambiebby1636]

I would say learned helplessness is also a trait seen throughout the black community in America. Always being told you’re a victim and no matter how hard you try, you’ll always be victimized leads to learned helplessness. It’s still blamed on slavery but at this point, it’s really us passing that mentality on thru the generations. The only people whoever told me that I’d never be ish no matter how hard I tried because I’m black were other black people. This learned helplessness theory explains a lot about why our community as a whole is the way it is in 2024.

[@BurbNBougie]

I'm sorry that you were taught that. There are many ways you can overcome your deficiencies, just like men can. I can't relate to being told I can't do something. Most of the ppl in my family and community pushed my generation of kids. So I cant even imagine what you're talking about.

[@v.anessa1451]

some of what that first lady was referring to regarding emotional socialization in boys vs girls is cultural, not universal. like im actually tired of this lie that girls are universally allowed to and coddled for expressing our emotions. in many cultures outside of the u.s., women are actually brought up to be stoic and tight-lipped about our emotions. to this day i struggle with showing my emotions and emotional regulation because i was brought up w the idea that being expressive was negative and bothersome. this american idea that women and girls can freely be emotional has never been true for me.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Against our nature as expressors of emotions, instead of reactors to emotions.

[@TheSamjane4]

Or as my ex liked to say when I expressed my emotions…stop nagging

[@blackcherry07]

It’s worse for women to express emotions because that must automatically mean we’re not “logical” at all. it’s like they’re always waiting for us to make a mistake so they can say “it’s because she’s a woman “ they can get emotional and still be respected , and even praised for showing emotions .

[@Esme26433]

Good to know! In my culture, it depends on the situation

[@v.anessa1451]

@@blackcherry07 THIS!

[@e.1766]

Idk how long it took to do This Much research on this topic, but this whole segment is GOLD. All Men Absolutely NEED to Hear this. MEN actually need to hear this, it's just too bad most of them don't give a shhhh. Most men Absolutely Are Lost Causes.

[@starlingswallow]

23:08 BOOM!!! Health hazard!!!! I think the men not talking about their feelings is the root problem. 😢 It bleeds into _everything._

[@moreni2nd405]

I love her! She articulated the problem really well♥️💯. 😂But you know what's "amazing"... XYs will watch this and instead of STFU and learn, they will do the opposite. It really does boil down to "fixed mindset and growth mindset". Isn't it amazing how competent they are at their jobs/business/trade, but not their homes? They know exactly what they are doing...stop making excuses for their shit and choose YOU.

[@Greenplanet949]

Burb posted a bunch of men she had booted from her site for being obnoxious and one I found hilarious was he called us a bunch of female incels. Sir, an incel means “involuntarily celibate” and many are virgins. We, on the other hand are Voluntarily celibate, having had extensive experience with you & your fellows. Most of these experiences were bad. We tell each other these and surprise, surprise, discover we were being abused, used and gaslit in similar ways.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

If you want to help this video gain traction online, click on "share" option, then click "copy link". Even if you don't share the video, the algorithm will read the data to mean this is a popular topic/video and make it more readily available to more people online.

[@katherines144]

This is correct ❤

[@onlyfacts077]

This video broke down everything perfectly...wow. how she articulated everything was amazing. I will be saving this one for repeat watching

[@vanessahollenbach85]

Ive heard this somewhere before but, men wear cargo pants with multiple pockets to carry their sheer audacity

[@BB-gd7ez]

😂😂

[@danielledaniels9848]

This was beyond informative.

[@leetheaarceneaux8151]

This young lady is smart and a great teacher ! She needs a podcast.

[@bobibrown3358]

I learnt the learned helplessness from being a kid and seeing how men in my extended family behave. What i didnt realise is that it is global. I thought it was an African thing. It is not!! Going into my marriage, i made sure i dont over extend myself because i realised it was very easy to do. Now if neither me or my husband can do house chores we outsource it and pay for it. Less stress for me, no arguments between him and i over asking him to do chores.we both work and run businesses on the side.i told him clearly i am not superwoman.

[@BurbNBougie]

Yup. This is why I keep sharing global stories and connecting us all. 💖💖

[@chattingwithjojo]

I used to say we've always had to learn things to make ourselves attractive for men and those things have made us very well rounded. But she said it soooooooo much better!! We've learned how to manage resources while they just learned to hoard them lol

[@jessicam3707]

This is excellent, it needs to be broken down this thoroughly for people to identify it. Like on your last video about it, I want to repeat that beautifying (yourself, the environment, but particularly yourself) IS invisible labor!! Men will say “but you do it for yourself” and while that’s true to an extent, it’s also 1. expected of us and 2. Men choose us based on it. Men make money for themselves but it’s still something they bring to the table in a relationship. Don’t let them undervalue a whole hour or so a day that modern women put into beauty, plus all the time and money spent experimenting with products, looks, etc. Men will dismiss it as a frivolous hobby then insult us if we don’t do it. A man should pay for dates because of all the work that goes into a woman getting ready for the date, make no mistake. Not to make up for patriarchy or to be a “gentleman” but to match her effort to get ready. It correlates too, meaning women that spend more effort and money on their appearance expect more payment from the man. Those relationships have a higher level of exchange and an emphasis on the superficial, but there are many levels in between the 2. If he asks you to coffee or a walk, put minimal effort into your looks

[@anointedspirit2418]

She’s talking about the same thing @princellathequeenmaker has been saying for a few years now. “The High Powered Podcast” is where it’s at when it comes to the actual reality of men & women etc. I appreciate all women who share the info & knowledge they have on patriarchy, men, science etc.

[@BurbNBougie]

Yes. We need this info in multiple areas of social media

[@athenamurphy1317]

Men COUNT ON other men's dishonesty and complicity. All it takes is one decent man to be decent and honest and it blows the whole paradigm. (And yes, I am endlessly grateful to those men who have been honest about this dynamic!) Two men in my circle were honest with me about these points years ago, and I realize now that it changed the course of my life for the better. These two honest men saved me YEARS of wasted energy by helping me see more clearly what I already sensed to be true. Men are complicit in the dishonesty of low standards.

[@demigoth]

I saw the dynamics of my parents, constantly fighting over money and division of labor, etc. And i decided i don't want any of that. So i never got married or had kids, never will. BUT, this lady perfectly explained several of my exes. Even if you completely opt out of marrying and procreating, and pair up with men who claim to want the same, they will still extract your resources and traumatize you. I AM DONE.

[@fosta4243]

Weaponized incompetence is sooo unattractive! What’s attractive isn’t spending hours at the gym, it’s knowing how to load a dang dishwasher. 😂😂 Even if a man has a traditional conservative upbringing, it’s his responsibility to ask and learn to do things he wasn’t taught, especially if by not learning causes extra burden on his partner. If he’s okay passing his burdens onto you, than he does not truly care about your well-being! Nothing would kill sexy time more than looking down on discolored sheets because he couldn’t bother taking a dark piece out of the whites in the wash. No sir, we’re not going to pretend they are not there, those were 800 thread count. You can’t be his gf/wife if he expects you to be his mom!

[@craffte]

Unless you want to be the football mom who wrapped her legs around her grown son's body. 🤢

[@SunRiseEast365]

This series is amazing! I am sharing it with the women in my family and friend groups.

[@neitsytmaria6401]

THANK YOUUUU FOR PUTTING THESE UPP!! 👏👏🌹🌹🌹

[@elephant-and-bird]

😮😮😮❤❤❤😢😢😢😢😂😂😂😂😮😮😮 my rollercoaster emotions hearing all these dots put so neatly together

[@julisplett2748]

These videos are great. I've opened my eyes a lot over the year. I wanted to share an informative book that shows how unpaid labor and reproductive labor really formed over the last 500+ years. It's called Caliban and the Witch: Women, The Body, and Primitive Accumulation by Silvia Federici.

[@propainaccessories]

I got a new module that dropped in my class. This is about to play in the background. These longer videos are the move. Ive been saying this since the ink dried on my divorce. Im ambitious. Im independent. Im ok with that. I did the whole waiting in the shadows for a man and boy do they waste our time because they are failures. Being alone has been peaceful. Even as a single mother. I couldn't, no, wouldn't deal with the mess from the gender who is paid more and respected for simply existing. No. Leave me alone. At least i can get a manicure and travel withiut feeling like a bad wife. Im finally loving me and the things i create over the potential he had. Im good. Im mid 30s and single. Im leaving the women who want to be with nem to have them.

[@natcl9974]

Congratulations! I just met a client in her 50s whose going through a divorce because she was waiting on her husband to do more, to have ambition but he only held her back, luckily she still had a job and friends outside of him but he himself would not grow. I’ve been hearing these stories from older women for years and had always asked them for advice and moved based on what they’ve told me and what I’ve seen. I’m so glad more and more women are connecting and sharing and learning. There’s so much more to this that I was hoping this women in the video would touch on but she made some amazing points I hadn’t thought of as well. I’m into history and patterns that affects us now as a society and all the points she mentioned I was hoping a little history would show up as examples or reference but this is great

[@courtney02161980]

She nailed it. Good job!!! Hope people are listening 👂🏾

[@nki5ikni5i45]

41:21 love love love how she charted and broke down the explanation! Whew 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾

[@onlyfacts077]

Truly a work of art wasn't it

[@user-yup-you-are-human2]

@22:30 - TY for mentioning the “why” behind women only spaces. 😢

[@Egg_Apron]

21:25 Women have to try and try again, and finally grow emotionally. M3n can do it too. It's just that women's job is not to spend our entire lives shepherding m3n to break their conditioning. Those who want to, will do it.

[@soniachambers6460]

Spot on. When you realise you can't save a man, no matter how hard you try, you are released from their burdens once and for all.

[@fslayer1290]

Absolutely brilliant observations.

[@worldadventuretravel]

THANK YOU for this!

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Loving the longer form videos... Listen while I cook 👏🏾. Thank you for your service BurbnBougie.

[@vanessahollenbach85]

Men calling the shots is why the world is effed over istg

[@electron-Volt]

Thank you so much for the upload! I don't have Tiktok so this is invaluable.

[@Kim-vw4nx]

FIRST OFF . Look at the men around you in your family , the only ones who are doing well are the married ones . Look at the single women in your family they are doing just fine and when they are not doing fine it’s usually a male that hasn’t evolved that they ALLOWED in their life 🤷🏽‍♀️. Ask me if my brother stayed the night with my mom in the hospital when she diagnosed with a rare disease. She didn’t even require it . That’s why women try to put their son’s off on women.

[@Divatologist]

This was so good Burbs!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you so much! 🙏🏾

[@videofan1010]

I'm a woman. I love video games, lol. But not at the expense all the other things.

[@starlingswallow]

Have you watched Mythic Quest on Apple TV?? It's awesome! It really shines a light on women gamers 😊 I'm not a gamer but I admire women who are!

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

I can game and do the dishes. But I am single, I can do whatever I want. 😄😄

[@healthierwealthierwiser8090]

Whew! She did that! This is so good. Thanks for posting this because I am not on TikTok.

[@rmercedes971]

I follow her on TT, she’s a very bright young lady

[@Nessajess7]

I loveeee her videos 📹. Just the way she explains and break down things is amazing. Thank you for posting 🤙🏾🌻🌿☀️

[@inthegardenofmymind]

Thank youuuu for uploading this 🙏

[@navideology]

Thank you for uploading the whole playlist ❤❤❤❤

[@stregalilith]

In a Functional MRI women’s frontal lobes light up when they’re given images of kids needing help but men’s frontal lobes light up when they’re shown images of men being selfish.

[@mknowles44]

You do a valuable service providing this information, thank you.

[@nki5ikni5i45]

44:02 amazing... This needs to go super viral like RessaTessa... Will it tho 🤔 🤨

[@videofan1010]

People love disfunction. So I doubt it.

[@hallievanoutryve3109]

She made some insightful points (the video game-lack of control connection struck me esp)... but the depression- learned helplessness section needs revision...Depression is NOT a chemical imbalance- according to the latest research (this doesn't mean depression is the person's fault, it simply doesn't have the chemical causes we have commonly attributed over the past 2-3 decades). Similarly, depression can be triggered by external factors, at least in part. In fact, I would argue it nearly always has some kind of partial root in some external circumstance or event.

[@Soleilsorrel33]

💯 This was so good. So well articulated.

[@acujenpete]

21:21 -22:30 = gold

[@sarahmachine-ready8606]

I love this crossover!

[@strwbryblondi07]

What is the name of this content creator? I've seen some other videos but always reshared. She has some 🔥 eye opening takes and way of explaining things, more women need to watch her!

[@shanitamorenita]

Very interesting ☕️ we struggle to articulate all this 🥲

[@jenwendy7]

bravo to this young woman saying out loud what we all intuitively understand soooooooo helpful and thank you BNB for posting ❤

[@ambergraham103]

Awesome vid you did it again sis

[@DangBlast]

I want to learn more from that TikToker on recognizing the signs. She's smart and a great communicator, but I refuse to download that app.

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

I'll never do it. B I t c h u te and KZbin and rumble are way better anyway.

[@rebeccawhite9395]

I agree with your points here except that the abortion issue isn't about a woman's rights to her own body...it is about the fact that once conception takes place a woman doesn't have a right to kill another person's body, even if that body is still developing. Other than that I think you are spot on. I especially liked how you called out immature men's current game of asking what a woman brings to the table to camouflage the fact that is it men who bring very little to the table and what they bring now that women have their own resources appears even more miniscule and frankly, unneeded. Men do have to wake up, stop playing games including the blame game and grow and learn, become real men with things to offer in multiple categories, especially emotional maturity and physical fitness.

[@BurbNBougie]

Honestly don't care what you think about conception and women's rights. If you don't want to have one they don't. Your beliefs don't order anyone else's steps. Thank you for stopping by with the comment though.

[@paixiao7]

Wow! She is spot on!

[@melissa-qe7fp]

This was brilliant!!!!

[@WynnWynn-gl3fk]

Actually, it is best to leave males alone as they bring nothing to the table.

[@DJRenee]

Good explanation with history

[@Lysistrata2025]

She needs to become a professor of social sciences.

[@ennvee1989]

It's not learned helplessness, it's weaponized incompetence

[@AG-iu9lv]

They are not mutually exclusive

[@gailjones7044]

BNB, just a suggestion.... Jessica Summerfield, District Heights.

[@nanapaperplans1621]

This is BRILLIANT!.. although i don’t understand how she doesn’t see a biological default for males.. How was the patriarchy even created, then? even she used the word “innate” to describe some of their behavior. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@trudiamond30]

I believe most of it is biological at this point. A woman put in the same environment will get a different result because a woman has a different biological makeup. Males are just messed up overall. It’s a pity.

[@onlyfacts077]

That's a good question where did it come from...

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

The agrarian revolution made it necessary to colonize women through marriage to create labour and legitimate inheritors of the land. Inmate: This concept is born of how the male brain works; fight or flight; competition; etc

[@GenChanger]

The physical power is innate - men are physically dominant compared to women and in its most primitive form, in the animal kingdom, the stronger animal would be in charge, by sheer oppression. It makes sense that in the past men, men "took" all that they could and set society up in a way that benefited men the most. Once we knew better though, the system still didn't change and lagged behind, even though laws changed. The centuries of brainwashing also keeps women prisoners mentally.

[@GenChanger]

Not sure how my previous comment was deleted. Reposting. The way the original system was set up was based on physical prowess - which is how the basic animal kingdom works. Men have always been physically stronger and that is as far as "innate" biological difference goes. The stronger animal oppresses the other animals. Men used that system to create a setup that benefited them at the expense of women. Once society and laws changed, nothing changed in reality because of centuries of training/ brainwashing men and especially women into believing these roles were innate. For example, a man cannot control his sexual urges due to his biological makeup, but a woman can. That is clearly BS, but once widely accepted by all. Now most women are imprisoned mentally even when the man brings zero or sub zero to the table. The women continue to slave per the "norm".The effect of any new law lags for generations.

[@EllieShockley]

I hate to be this person, but, my doctorate is in psychology... that is not what "learned helplessness" means at all. Content creators are using the term incorrectly and it is widespread. Learned helpless is what happens when nothing you do can help you escape a bad situation, and it is a precursor to depression. Being trapped in a bad domestic or workplace situation where you can't escape bullying despite attempts to do so can cause learned helplessness. It is a very important scientific & clinical concept and it doesn't need to be erased by so many content creators. Y'all can come up with another term rather than erase the meaning of an incredibly important established term.

[@CoriCoburn]

I wonder how often the combination of learned helplessness and actual depression presents itself in an individual?

[@rebeccaqallaboutthefeminin1794]

I agree. I do have a problem with men designing and making womans stuff. Im sure i canmot lift bricks but my work is not worth less.