Invisible Labor of Women and the Learned Helplessness of Men

[@lorrilewis2178]

I'm glad we've stopped calling it "emotional labor" and started calling it "invisible labor". The latter is accurately descriptive.

[@joylastname3035]

A solid example: Men: Cooking is only for women The chef profession: dominated by men. 77.5% men as opposed to 22.5% women by US stats. Me: i thought y'all said cooking is an innate skill only women have, and that's why you won't cook. What they actually mean is that if you attach a paycheck and prestige to a skill, men will be all up in it. They just believe women should be the only ones doing unpaid work. If you made diaper changing a job that pays and gets awards and recognition, men will suddenly realise how good they are at changing diapers.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Thank you for mentioning this. It’s HILARIOUS that these menz talk about cooking being “women’s work”, yet this field is dominated by MEN. My brother was a trained Cordon Bleu chef, and 85% of the students were men.

[@Egg_Apron]

Men cut women off from these professions starting in medieval Europe. Women used to dominate artisanal guilds until men formed laws to force us out.

[@AngelicaAngel888_]

Very true. I went to culinary school for baking and pastry, and most of those students were women. But the regular culinary program was predominantly men. And oh, the arrogance. I used my GI Bill to go, and some guy assumed I was there using my dads GI Bill...meanwhile, I was active duty with 3 deployments under my belt, and he was a reservist with none 😂.

[@Kay-kg6ny]

And it's funny how a lot of those same male chefs still don't do any of the cooking at home. You ask their wives if they feel lucky to be married to a chef and it turns out that the hours are horrible and the most he ever makes at home is a peanut butter sandwich

[@hardcandy71287]

same thing with janitors. majority of the ones i see are male. i thought men didn't know how to clean?

[@inprogress5210]

These men are mad that they can't force women to be the furniture in their decor they call a lifestyle anymore. Women have always been the true protectors and providers in society. I honestly love her take on this. Thanks for the video.

[@lucindabreeding]

When men ask what you bring to the table, to me it seems what they're asking is this: will you willingly and gladly cook for me, clean for me, and be enthusiastically sexually available to me. Men actually really value that, but they do not want to compensate it. That's why there is this never-ending pressure for women to view unpaid labor as either hardwired into their being, or a moral obligation . I think when men complain about having dead bedrooms, there are truly bewildered over the fact that what's happened is that their wife or female partner has come to the realization that doing all this work is not rewarding. It burns you out. It displaces you from following your curiosity or making more money or just doing something you'd rather be doing . Women know and understand that part of the reason so many men are frustrated at child-free women is because, at least subconsciously, a woman will be nearly consumed by caring for children . Motherhood really gets women out of the way.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Yeeeeeees!!!! I say that all the time! From the second we know we're pregnant we change our diets, activities and entire life to "protect and provide" for the baby we're carrying! We protect that baby with our lives! We risk our own lives giving birth. And we provide care and nourishment with our own bodies after birth too!

[@Egg_Apron]

I AM the Table.

[@FeistyFem-bt6yc]

Damn that was well said. 👏

[@colinloh6427]

@@Egg_ApronThis. 👍🏻

[@BashaerB-h2c]

The most healthy homes and successful relationships around me are women who married men with high emotional intelligence that help around the house and actively raise their children together. Their children are the healthiest with bright personalities, confident and well tooken care of. Those men have empathy and respect womenhood as a whole.

[@S.A.White...]

Amen

[@LGrian]

I feel very lucky this was modeled to me my boomer parents. I didn’t realize just how rare this was until I was almost 30.

[@fourlittlebirds6166]

Both partners work equally in ALL areas of the home life and family. It’s rare, but does exist.

[@prettyhatemachine8887]

My fiance is like this but how do I know he won't flip on me eventually? How can I tell a damn bait and switch? Seriously I'm getting married and lately all KZbin is sending me is these types of videos!

[@youtubesucks898]

​​@@prettyhatemachine8887, do you feel like he might switch? Is that why you're worried? What are his parents like? Have you met them? The things his parents believe in might give you a clue. Ultimately nothing is a guarantee. That's why divorce exists.

[@kated3165]

Men: ''I can't cook!'' ''I can't do laundry!'' ''I can't clean the floor properly!' ''I don't know our kid's birth date!'' ''I'm always too tired to do chores on the weekend!'' Also Men: ''You need to understand that I'm the leader and guide of this family!''

[@adarateranroldan]

Yet if WW3 broke out in the next two seconds, it they’d figure it out real quick at boot camp…

[@pnx1412]

Also men: "well what do *you* bring to the table?"

[@clapwithonehand9304]

😂😂😂😂

[@Its.giselle234]

Leader into the train towards hell. Overgrown toddlers

[@whattheflimflam]

Preach!!!!

[@theupgraded6558]

my best friend complained about how her boyfriend can't cook etc. mind you he's 25. I knew him prior to her, but she doesn't know about it. He & his best friend basically live off take out & door dash 3x/day. She aint got no ring & cooks for him & does everything while he can save all his time & money & he only provides 50% of the roof over her head. He aint taking her to any restaurants & he aint paying for door dash once he got with her. WOMEN STOP BEING STUPID!! THE MATH AINT MATHING!!!

[@liabw05]

Damn she’s totally letting him take advantage. Hope she wakes up! 😮

[@soundsaboutright---]

The concerning part is the percentage of men that are willing to do this

[@monikapp3981]

Gurlll , I went on a date with a 34 years old male who can't even cook fried eggs and his parents are cooking every meal for him

[@BashaerB-h2c]

She’s not even his wife 😭😭😭 girl nooooooooooo!

[@tulip811]

​@@monikapp3981embarrassing 😭

[@saraho9568]

Sis broke down their whole scheme. 🎉🎉

[@BurbNBougie]

With pictures!!!

[@saraho9568]

@@BurbNBougie Rt!!! Lmao

[@nolia920]

Yes I have been thinking 🤔 the same as her but I couldn't put it in the way she put it and gave a mental picture of all those things.

[@hardcandy71287]

@@BurbNBougiemen are visual. so with the pictures, they should be able to understand what she said with no problem. lol

[@natcl9974]

@@nolia920yes, I was thinking as her too ever since I learned about the church’s history and the history of ‘witches’ in 13th century Europe onwards…all systems to tame the wild ‘independent’ women; we were too smart and free to their liking i guess

[@BeingUndone]

If you remove the right of a woman to control her body, you inadvertently remove women’s desire to be entangled with men

[@hardcandy71287]

that part!!! women are about to start pulling back like crazy. wearing a chastity belt because we want to. 😂 no entry. 🚫 i wonder if there is a modern day version of chastity belts. 🤔 could save women from r@pe and unwanted pregnancy.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

I wouldn't open the gate anytime.

[@BeingUndone]

@@oOIIIMIIIOo See, you were born with your eyes open, or you had to learn awareness over time. Awakening is occurring, en masse for the rest of us at this time... I told my husband of 20 years (plus we've been together since we were 15 years old) that sex made me unclear and I wonder what our lives would look like if we'd remained really close friends while young (because I ended up a SAHM for 14 of these years). He took this to mean I only wanted him as a friend - rather than his wife sharing musings. After 27 years together? 😘 Now, after nearly 3 years celibate, I realize that this unction was coming from DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP resonance with the unfoldment of the age in which we find this beautiful flowering of conscious!

[@kaileymo]

Especially since even having a miscarriage can now be a death sentence or a jail sentence

[@xxsnow_angelxx3953]

Yeah women will choose to go chasite just to avoid men

[@sarajuanaict]

That video about the old guy's wife dying and he hands his sister in law his glasses to clean bc his wife always did that... The epitome of learned helplessness. The whole situation is so ridiculous. Imma stay single

[@poisonkiss201]

single life is the best life. peace. imma "die alone" happily 🤣 every yr i'm glad i'm 1 age closer to being undesirable and unable to have children😂

[@shaypope4732]

Just crazy using another woman like his own hands don't work just pitiful n lazy

[@mango7966]

The other day my mom wasn't home so my dad asked me to wash something for him because he doesn't know how the washer works. We've had the same one for 8 years

[@cherishoneal9108]

When it comes down to that, it lets me know that weaponized incompetence is rampant.

[@truckin_babe]

​@@mango7966Yet this same type of man will know all about how the parts of his car work. Crazy.

[@rowdybliss]

I truly believe it starts when they’re young and when moms coddle their sons (looking at the “boymoms” here). They get conditioned from an early age to expect women to do All The Things for them.

[@chidenisee]

I agree. I have a four year old son and he loves to help clean, and cook. I am making sure he will be self sufficient so he can attract a great woman to share his life with. I refuse to raise a king baby.

[@rowdybliss]

@@chidenisee I love to hear this… A+ mom skills!

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

Honestly, you aren't doing the kid any favors either. I want my son to be able to survive on his own, I want him to eat healthy, practice good hygiene, emotionally regulate and build relationships on his own. I want him to have a fair relationship where he isn't dependent on women, where he has a good relationship with his kids and can leave abusive situations easily. I want to give him the freedom that my grandfather, who never learned to cook and housekeep didn't have. He hated going into a nursing home after his wife died, but he had no choice. The wife, btw, whom he didn't love and apparantely had a very toxic relationship with for 30 years, but married because he needed someone to take care of his children and house.

[@tulip811]

That's why sons should spend majority of their times with dad. And daughters with mom. It's doesn't work the other way around

[@Thevelvetbarfox]

No. The fathers need to be conveying to their sons that helping mom is mandatory, and we as a family appreciate everything she does. Her work is highly valued. Mom is supposed to coddle. Dad is supposed to balance that.

[@KiranSee]

Women stuck under a man need to hear this the most imo..

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

Men love a challenge as long as it involves getting control of a woman. If it involves getting control of themselves, they give up easily and quickly.

[@13579hee]

​@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sfYes.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that women of today have far more autonomy and can willingly opt out of doing all this shit. The question is.. Why don't they?

[@Thewhiteandorange]

an issue hopped right over in this video. capitalism doesn't survive in a vacuum; it needs consumers to flourish. that's the beauty of capitalism, it's a system that is consumer-behavior contingent; it'll go where the money's spent. incidentally, same with the patriarchy; it survives because there are women who keep it alive and thriving. don't like something? change starts with you. can't have it both ways, ladies (and gents).

[@teresamagnusson]

​@@13579heeGreat question!!

[@teresamagnusson]

​@@ThewhiteandorangeYup. If we refuse to participate, it all collapses.

[@sminno]

YES GIRL WENT IN!!!! MEN REALLY CAN'T HANDLE WOMEN DON'T HAVE TO MARRY TO SURVIVE ANYMORE!!!

[@madalice5134]

Even when you look back in history at women who didn't have to work outside the house, they still had to learn to run a household or estate, managing the staff of the household and managing the social life and standing of their household. Women have always worked hard and have always been more competent than men.

[@JennaHasm]

In my country women always worked in the home and had a job. The situation was treated EXACTLY THE SAME.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

The point about visible and invisible work is probably another reason why governments defuned home ect classes that taught domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc. The thought process is like this: Moms will teach their daughters these skills. Men will have wives to do it for them.

[@atomic66]

Thats true, but i think it was also about spending less, cutting costs. They also got rid of drivers ed, shop class, wood, metal, automotive, art, and other so called "electives"

[@moxmox8058]

It reflects a general devaluation of domestic labor in our culture. I really think it’s that simple.

[@reneelazzareschi9953]

​True, but I think one of the main factors of why domestic labor is devalued is because it has traditionally been done by women and therefore devalued because of that association.​@@moxmox8058

[@sweetcheeks5775]

the government defunded those classes cause they’re a waste of tax dollars. everyone has family members or youtube to learn that stuff.

[@themaggattack]

​@@sweetcheeks5775No, everyone does not all have family members who will teach them that stuff. And there was no other way to learn it before the internet. KZbin is relatively new compared to when they started cancelling home-ec & shop classes. Furthermore, home-ec and shop should BOTH be REQUIRED of ALL GENDERS. Everyone should be taught basic life skills.

[@AR-md1zq]

THIS!!!! I haven't been in a romantic relationship for 10 years now because I don't need a man's material resources, what I want is their social, emotional and service labor; typically they don't give that -- they haven't been socialized to build those skills. So, for the men I have met, they have minimal to no value to me as someone to pour myself into.

[@valeriaswanne]

So much this! I try to reason with them thusly: "If I've got a bunch of cows already, you offering more cows won't make any difference, as I've already got plenty. But if you offer chickens, even though they are not as valuable, it's a more attractive offer, as it fills in the gaps of what we both lack. Now we can have cows AND chickens."

[@tangyjoe4326]

@@valeriaswanneThat’s an excellent analogy! I’m screenshooting your comment, it’s what I’ve always thought but couldn’t put into words. Thank you!!

[@Trogdor1365]

The "women's work" is not only more difficult, but it's constant, AND is made harder by living with a man. Children make it even more difficult. The work is more manageable if the woman is single, making her own resources. If she has kids, it's sometimes easier to remove the man and have the man pay his share of oursourcing childcare and take the children every other weekend, which gives mom a break to catch up on the invisible work and self-care.

[@nikicarrie4071]

Children are easier than a man

[@kaylanotsmiley7006]

I've been a nanny to a father who was a part time parent. Had is daughter 4 days 3 nights, I worked 3.5 days while his daughter was in his care. He just didn't know how to do it. I was paid pretty average, but it was toddler care, taking her out of the house, grocery shopping, laundry and cooking, "only for the child." And I'm not going to lie, being a part time parent sounds good to me.

[@audreymusk]

Very true. And Mum will make the rules, there's no gain saying her. If there's an immature man in the house messing the house rules up so he can feel superior which results in more work for the woman when she gets home and a reason for laziness in the kids.

[@epd0126]

i heard a quote that made so much since "A man will not do anything if he does not have to. However, a man will do everything in his power if he has to" Therefor if a man has no motivation ie, woman, he will not thrive. But woman thrive better without men...its so funny that whenever im deep cleaning the house my husband always ask if we are having company??? Im cleaning because its time to clean i dont NEED a reason. Men literally will not get out of bed if there is no reason..This is why your grown son is content to live in the basement while your grown daughter is the head triage nurse at the hospital and just bought a condo...

[@ladywolfwolf]

Yep. I tell him that I clean because I don't want anybody to die of a shit disease. If he cleans, (now, that would be as rare as Haley's comet) everyone in the house would be dead within a month. From a shit disease , because he thinks he can clean the bathroom with two squares of toilet paper.

[@DanielleSamoneJohnson77]

I think about my grandmother who worked full time from 1940 until her retirement in 1980. Her work wages, cooking, cleaning, sewing, in addition to managing the investments were indeed all considered invisible. My grandfather's salary and prestige as a man of social authority were the entire source of her distress and dementia. He sexually, verbally, physically, financially, and emotionally abused the entire family and used his wealth as the bargaining chip to keep silence and strict obedience. The children, my father and his siblings, wasted their inheritance from him, and caused all kinds of mayhem in pursuit and use of his posthumous assets. Because her contribution was invisible, her pension was largely left alone by them, allowing her to live somewhat peacefully into her later years after his death. Her wages pension from Bell Atlantic were stabilizing forces for the entire family, but his toxic authoritarian ass would never let her know or believe that. How sad for her. She deserved better. We all still do.

[@Aalayahhh]

I see a lot of comments coming for boy moms for coddling their kids, but why are the boys dads not catching any heat? I feel like even WE are still blaming women for men’s lack of action.

[@leendsmin]

Agreed! Boy dads model how these boys should act when they become men and how men treat women, so boy dads should take as much or more heat in my opinion. If dad lazes around and does not help mom and boy sees mom doing everything, guess what expectations that will create in the child?

[@DanielleSamoneJohnson77]

Thank you! I went to extreme lengths to give my kids the best information and guidance. In this hyper-connected age, men's and boys' influence on other men and boys matters more to most of them. I can only do what is within my power. I taught them myself in homeschooling, I shared my experiences and insights directly, and even had family therapy sessions to further land equitable, humane, and intelligent perspectives. At some point, Instagram and Tik Tok started feeling like a tug of war for not just my son but my daughters' minds too. I even placed some restrictions on screen time and discussed critical thinking skills around social media. They are adults now and have to make up their own minds regarding patriarchal values. I can hold some influence and give them some advice, but how they move in this modern environment is now up to them. I can't stand hearing constantly about clinging, codependent, and borderline incestuous mothering or enabling mothers as if that is the only way a man could arrive at. We are all victimized by it, but the wave of men in the world who actively use it as well as the women who uphold it at some point becomes the primary influence of it perpetuating. It's up to each boy as he transitions into adulthood to live in integrity or to instead take the "cool" and easy path. Just the same, we women have to make our own decisions in our path as young women into adulthood around how to relate to the men in our communities, families, and workplaces.

[@DanielleSamoneJohnson77]

Agreed! I went to extreme lengths to give my kids the best information and guidance. In this hyper-connected age, men's and boys' influence on other men and boys matters more to most of them. I can only do what is within my power. I taught them myself in homeschooling, I shared my experiences and insights directly, and even had family therapy sessions to further emphasize equitable, humane, and intelligent perspectives. At some point, Instagram and Tik Tok started feeling like a tug of war for not just my son but my daughters' minds too. I even placed some restrictions on screen time and discussed critical thinking skills around social media. They are adults now and have to make up their own minds regarding patriarchal values. I can hold some influence and give them some advice, but how they move in this modern environment is now up to them. I am fatigued by repeatedly hearing only about clinging, codependent, and borderline incestuous mothering or enabling mothers as if that is the only way a man could arrive at patriarchal manipulation. We are all victimized by it, but the wave of boys and men in the world who follow and learn about it online is growing. Even some women follow the forums that uphold and continue to perpetuate patriarchal abuse. It's up to each boy as he transitions into adulthood to choose to live in integrity or to instead take the "cool" and easy path. Just the same, we women have to make our own decisions in our path as young women into adulthood around how to relate to the men in our communities, families, and workplaces. I just want people to stop putting so much weight and blame on women. Not all misogynists arrived there via their mothers.

[@JosephineArmstrong-l1u]

Totally agree! I see that too so often, it makes sick. I have boys and I really care about this ❤

[@destroyraiden]

Those husbands and bf are generally out of the picture even if he's a warm body bringing in a paycheck yet you're right OP it's patriarchy programing still at play blame the woman for trying or not she's in a catch 22 no matter which way it goes. They've proven boy moms when they get laid the sperm changes her brain literally to endear her more closely to her male children she's literally brainwashed to ride or die with her male children she's a hostage and has no clue. She needs detox & cult level deprograming! Meanwhile the father has no such issue.

[@SaltationIgnite]

I thought I was such a weirdo when I was younger. I was screaming this stuff from the mountain tops, and everyone said I can’t keep a man or I’m bitter or she must be a lesbian or whatever . But now in my late 40s to see that my mentality back then has become the new norm for grrls 30 years later just warms my heart so much and I am really beaming here watching this youngster goddess SCHOOL her peers!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️🥰❤️❤️❤️🥰❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾. Also, everyone who made fun of me when we were younger are all slaves to their asshole men who visit brothels abroad, and I’m still “young”, energetic, and free to do whatever I want with my life, only entertaining the company of men who add to my life, and getting rid of them when they no longer do that, or worse, deplete me in any way. I’m a badass Aunty provider and there are so many kids and teens out there who need this child-free Aunty energy and I’m here for it. 🙌🏾

[@antoinettejohnson2188]

👏 👏 👏

[@FindYourFree]

salute sis...you were chosen..i stayed enslaved for years

[@agc1161]

Team Rich Aunty!!! 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

[@Iquey]

I feel like this but as a cool older cousin. Too young to be an actual auntie but too old to be a peer-cousin. So I'm like a mentor-cousin.

[@lyncoburn5876]

I've been saying this since the 90s when I was in my 30s and decided I was done with the relationship/sexual thing with men. That's when I started setting boundaries. And I have been happier ever since. And no I did not go to the other side with women. I feel the need to add this, because men think, oh if you don't want a man you must want a woman. No sir. Women in relationships can be just as toxic if not moreso. Just saying 😏

[@constancep7632]

Yep. My ex decided he wasn't doing any domestic work as some point, and then criticize that nothing was done well enough and threaten to sell my car, sell the house, kick me out, etc. Well, *I* kicked him out. "I'm not doing anything? Ok, you can go not do anything too by yourself" 🤷‍♀️

[@themaggattack]

Wow. What an ASS he was! Glad you flipped the script on him!

[@UNISsuperfan]

Glad you kicked him out

[@theupgraded6558]

MAY THIS VIDEO FIND EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD!!!

[@noeraldinkabam]

98% of men: I washed the dishes. Give me a standing ovation.

[@tangyjoe4326]

After both my parents retired, my dad once proudly announced “I loaded the dishwasher!“ as if it was something special he should admired for. Without missing a beat, my mom said “Big deal, I’ve washed your dirty underwear for the last 40 years”. He started doing more housework after that and we did give him some praise when he finally learned how to vacuum the floor without sucking the curtains off the walls. (Yes, that really happened 🤣) This year was their 67th wedding anniversary. 88 and 91 and I’m so blessed to still have them both with me.

[@lala-mv2zy]

Infuriating!

[@KimbiW]

And a BJ

[@lorrilewis2178]

Truer words were never spoken.

[@m.d.s.9658]

"I did the laundry!" No hun, you did a small load of your own laundry and you left it in the washing machine for 2 days and now it smells like mildew. I'm supposed to be happy about that? 😂😂😂

[@michellejarvis7878]

My daughter's ex boyfriend didn't even know how to wash dishes, his Mom did everything. Thus is all complicated by boy moms trying to keep their sons dependent by slaving for them.

[@bgm3460]

May be he must have his own mum like her GF

[@mordecaiissad8529]

My mom. Idk if she's a boy mom or just a classic trad. My brother doesn't even put his dirty clothes into the laundry basket after he showers. My parents simply believe this is how it should be. My mom works, and has a very successful company. She just believes it's her responsibility as a woman to cook and clean for men. It's how it should be according to them.

[@AishaBuycks]

It's equal opportunity in my house.

[@LElCoolP]

@@mordecaiissad8529 ✨YIKES✨ That’s exactly how my mom is too!! She and my dad both worked 40 hours, but my mom did 100% of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, home care, child-rearing, etc.

[@destroyraiden]

Yet even if you try to teach your son any domestic skills they rebuke you for it or just won't cooperate to learn the skill via apathy if all the "I'm goods." and "I don't want to do that." don't work.

[@MyBlackPumpkinSoup]

Learned helplessness and weaponized incopetance are text book straregies for men to make women feel 'valuable' while devalueing them. They dont see how important we are until we leave, and now they are mad 'cause its only Ted's wife or Jason's fiancee who is leaving, but a whole army of great, financially balanced and healthy women. They lost a Key factor for their lives and success and they know.

[@strykmike]

I work in Home Health Occupational Therapy, the number of male patients that will verbalize that they don’t want to do their bathing, dressing, and peri hygiene is appalling. They all state or point to the wife…she will do it. They (men) know what they are doing!

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

Adult male babies only married just to be infantized the remainder of their lives by wives and any woman outside of their marriage. Smh that’s so disgusting. Smh

[@liabw05]

Wait, their wife will wash their adult body?

[@jinijinxer97]

Sadly this is expected in Asian societies while these same men will not check in how their wives are doing post birth.

[@Laquia]

Oh my God 😮

[@saturdayschild8535]

Gross. I wouldn’t want anyone doing that for me unless I was completely incapacitated.

[@loveandjoy810]

Yes, when a boy hits a girl they say it’s because he likes you. 😮. I tell my girls if a kid hits you because he likes you violence is his love language. RUN! Leave him alone.

[@agc1161]

Thank you!

[@starlingswallow]

This video is BRILLIANT!!!!! Dang! When I was with my abusive ex, I was always drawing diagrams and graphs and timelines to try and figure out what the HELL was going on with the fighting and his rage. I didn't know I was in an abusive situation, I thought what I was experiencing _was marriage!_ 🤯🤯🤯 And, honestly....it was what was seen as "marriage" for many 100's of years 😢 Thank you BnB!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤

[@shaypope4732]

Whole time it wasn't u but him that's wrong in the marriage

[@Betterlattethannever307]

Oh my goodness. I was too with my ex. When we would talk about different chores we would do (since we both worked full time). He said he would take out the trash, pay bills, his laundry, and keep the yard. I was supposed to take care of meals, groceries, dishes, the children, and I would do my laundry and the kids. When I tried to bring up the amount of time (with graphs and charts) it takes on a weekly or monthly basis to take care of groceries, meals, and clean up vs. his tasks, he “didn’t get it.” It was a constant struggle. I would also have to ask every time the trash needed to be taken out, and he would literally tell me “no.” So, guess who had to end up doing it? Learned helplessness is right.

[@guinealove3744]

These are all the reasons some men feel threatened and either demean or threaten in an effort to get their power back. Hence the "jacked up" videos about age expiration, the wall, cat lady, what do you bring to the table..etc. Instead of evolving some men would rather sit and complain about women. Don't forget how the lonely man issue is another way patriarchy is putting the work on women as well. We definitely need to school the younger women to drop the fairy tale. Partnering is practical. When you move towards success together, respectfully I consider that a form of love.

[@sminno]

YES GIRL!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THEY SAY WE BE MASCULINE. THEN THEY WANT TO "HUMBLE"WOMEN WITH KIDS THINKING THAT WILL STOP US WHEN IT DON'T!!!! HOW MANY WOMEN DO WE KNOW HAVE KIDS AND STILL BECAME THE DOCTORS, LAWYERS, AND BUSINESS OWNERS ANYWAY!!!

[@audreymusk]

Exacty. And the way society has brainwashed women into believing that marriage and children is the be all and end all of being a woman,... Oh please. Love is practical, it is considerate, it is working together, it is knowing you are better together than you are apart, and that togetherness is practical. If you can't find a partner who treates you like a human being, not like a machine attached to the house, it's better to stay single.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

Women: Be an functional adult Men: I'm good gonna show my 😮 *ass*

[@evergreenforestwitch]

While complaining about women having standards and being soooo lonely 😅😂😅😂

[@FindYourFree]

lolll

[@Kay-kg6ny]

Considering how the govt is trying to 💀 tiktok, im so glad videos like this are preserved other places.

[@BurbNBougie]

Ohhh. True!!!

[@Lex2034-f7y]

That is the reason they want to remove it. It is enlightening women and other races. It’s eye opening and changing society.

[@vapx0075]

​@@Lex2034-f7y They really just want the US to own it. It's like 'somebody buy this pls', security issues. Don't get me wrong, though. There's a lot of intergenerational f'ery coming out of the works. And the person who originally kicked at tic tok was *rump because they ganged up to do him one in the most hilarious way. But if anything "good" comes of him, it's how many close inspections are going on to things we blindly trust in.

[@cleanserene6330]

​@robinn2013 Serio, that's the only explanation. Causing division and spreading misinformation are the reasons its been allowed to stay because that benefits the status quo. Women getting the blueprint of the patriarchy is a code wtf.

[@alexarviso6836]

​@@cleanserene6330disinformation according to who? The USA government has been lying for centuries. Why protect an oppressor?

[@widget0028]

Legit. My ex husband "I work I make money for us nyehbyehnyeh" had to tell him I also work and he would be working whether I was there or not. Shocking fuckin revelation for him apparently

[@ashleyflicker1646]

I tell my husband this all the time and he still acts like he works for my sake.

[@widget0028]

@@ashleyflicker1646 welp. If they insist that's the case, I don't want to hear any more mewling about falling rates males with college degrees. Like why would they care they don't need a job if they're single

[@havingfunisnthard]

I believe at this point it’s in almost every woman’s best interest to stay away from men. Last year I cut almost every man out of my life… and the peace is incomparable. My friendships, hobbies, and community is flourishing. I’m discovering what I’m capable of and how limitless it is, because there isn’t someone around telling me what THEY think I can do. Realizing how much better off I am without any male interactions has been a hard realization. But I know what I deserve now, and I’m never going back. Men try to gaslight us into thinking we need them, but they’ll decrease your quality of life almost every time while you increase theirs. Think about that.

[@FindYourFree]

same here..they are only good for outsourcing for things i can not do. i pay them and send them on

[@aliceliddell8413]

It's so weird, even straight male FRIENDS will tell you "oh you are only capable of this and this"

[@agc1161]

Truth sis!! I've recently come to this realization that I'm happy single! So many covert narc out there, when I saw the mask slipping recently I said wow! I'm pouring into myself now. These males are useless.

[@omotayosatuyi252]

I hope your realize that we need each other someday

[@havingfunisnthard]

@@omotayosatuyi252 no thanks, that propaganda was what got me in trouble. Men seem to need women, the opposite is not true and will never be. It only was when we had to depend on them for survival. We were indentured servants for half the population. No more.

[@colinloh6427]

She speaking truth right there. Even as a guy myself, I learnt a lot about how society functions for so long all this time from this lady, and it changed my perspective on society.

[@electron-Volt]

🥰

[@MMAStriking]

Awesome!

[@darkskinwoman]

I have to pause this video every 30 seconds to process how well she is articulating this...

[@Lex2034-f7y]

Chefs kiss to this entire video. She gets it. I have been saying this for at least 7 years. Idk how other women do not see this happening right in front of us.

[@PrincessCashmonie]

I did about 3 years ago. I am now single and much happier. I wish that I noticed this much sooner than I did.

[@tinkergnomad]

Men: "If you don't take care of me, you'll be alone with cats!!!" Women: "I can do that? Awesome!!!!"

[@amazinggrace313]

lol right! Don’t threaten us with a good time and an easier life

[@missinterpretation4984]

Over the past couple years that my ex and I have been separated, I realized that when I would be open to working things out if things changed, all he would do is need me for things. It was exhausting me and pushing me further away. But it kept me confused because he wanted to work it out so badly and seemed so hurt and confused that I wasn’t going in that direction. And when I really thought about it, our entire relationship starting when we were 19, had been about centering him. Had been about me doing things for him. That’s all knows. So when trying to get the relationship back, of course he’s trying to recenter himself. And he is going to be “blindsided” by divorce papers here shortly. Guarantee he’s going to swear he never saw it coming.

[@islandgirl8067]

Good for you! 👍🏾

[@JennaHasm]

They always do. I've also seen how they play the victim that she is taking "half of his stuff" even when the woman made MOST of the money and worked the entire time plus worked for free for him.

[@biblioholic7139]

I was watching a weaponized incompetence video and one of the commenters said he didn't like these because he is legitimately incompetent. It's like dude everyone starts at incompetent, just because you haven't yet learned the skills is not an excuse for never learning them.

[@tallyp.7643]

The weirdest are the ones who insist they can't load and run a dishwasher. The thing comes with a manual, for starters. For another, as much as guys have watched TV over the years, there have been thousands of dishwasher and detergent commercials that in 15 seconds shows dishes in the dishwasher, how they're put in there, how the dishwasher sprayers work, etc. By sheer accident, they should've figured out that stacking a bunch of plates on top of the racks instead of in the vertical slots is NOT gonna get things clean. Ugh. They don't want to know how to do it because then they'll be expected to do it more often. That's why I love the Reddit story with the teenage boy refusing to load the dishes right in the dishwasher, leaving lots of stuck on food and stuff on plates. Mom saved those plates for him to eat off of until he did it right (because he HAD been taught how) and the family got plates mom cleaned. He knocked that crap off within a week and did the dishes properly after that.

[@islandgirl8067]

Wow, this lady really broke down how the patriarchy functions & how it has been used to uplift men at the expense of women’s freedom & autonomy. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I don’t have tik tok so I hope Burb posts more of her videos.

[@electron-Volt]

yes please - I don't use nor do I want to use TikTok, but I would love to see this content!

[@lifelikelisa]

I was raised by my grandmother but still it was the 2000s and she would call me into the kitchen to cook or clean, rather than my brothers, because “when you get married, you’ll need to know how to do these things for your husband.” I also remember her telling me that if I don’t wear makeup and fix my hair I’ll never find a partner. I’m glad I had the sense as a child to know that wasn’t the reality I wanted to live in. To all the men out there that are great father’s and that share in household responsibilities and value your wives for the people they are, you are much appreciated!!

[@T_Cup]

If you don't need your boss walking you through every step of your job everyday, you can do things for yourself, wife, family and household without a flashlight, map and a bullet point list of instructions, none of us are born knowing anything and almost all of us figure it out

[@EasyPeasyVegan]

THANK. YOUU. A-FRIGGIN-MEN!!! THIS!!!

[@EasyPeasyVegan]

I always have said that it's not like women as babies are born out of their mothers with specific DNA strands basically on how to wash dishes and use a fucking vacuum as soon as we're thrust out FFS!! I say this "jokingly" but I'm dead ass serious

[@T_Cup]

@@EasyPeasyVegan Or maybe A-Friggin-Women in this case lol

[@julietwanjiku3240]

My husband left me with the baby and I'm fucking glad he's gone 😂woooh I feel so good

[@BurbNBougie]

Congrats 🎉

[@islandgirl8067]

🥳🎉🎊

[@FindYourFree]

yes comgrats for real

[@Taerynthea]

@@AdityaJape- I read that differently. I read that to mean he left her with the child still in her care, but perhaps I misunderstood.

[@LifeWitTheresa]

I advise that you get another single mother to raise the kids with. That will help with the income and would provide security.

[@skybug1706]

oh my gosh this explains why the new "discipline" culture of men who are on strict routines & work out all the time can still lead to problems - a lot (but not all) of these men who are saying "you gotta get built, get your shit together" etc always sounded spiteful and I couldn't place why - It's because they're not used to the concept of self work. The very act of self improvement is so novel and intense to them due to only recently in history there being a big enough incentive to do so, because their lives are no longer immediately pipelined from young moms to young wives anymore. They live on their own or have less confidence in their baseline existence being enough to grant them all of civilization's resources and luxuries. Women of course have been rearing kids, working doubles, moonlighting college, nursing the sick, enduring discomfort and loneliness on no sleep with no thanks, tricked into starving themselves at the top of their game and having to perform like they're not dying, representing every other women in a homogeneous bias yet also pitted against each other, getting publicly shamed & berated, guarding their own safety and lives at all times and the safety & lives of their children, siblings & parents, used as sex dispensers, cooks & maids, getting their "body back" IMMEDIATELY after _giving birth_ , living without human rights etc So women have ALWAYS existed in a culture of extreme endurance, extreme discipline, extreme hardship. Men are JUST NOW realizing that even in a comfortable peacetime when there's no war or famine, not everything is theirs for the taking, and they have to live in bachelor pads and learn to do their own chores and study or go to work all at the same time. They're still not caring for their parents, still have their safety and human rights intact, but even the effort of _managing their own lives_ is so revolutionary that there is now this market in response to that realization that encourages like... waking up early and drinking raw eggs and weight lifting and many are doing it with spite in their hearts. They're doing the bare minimum of self work and feel SO entitled to their efforts and the results they start entire podcasts about how they are now such a high echelon guy, not gonna settle for just any woman because of 'everything he comes with' and it's like... he has muscles, makes his bed, cooks 5 things & washes his dishes, does his laundry and works and he REALLY is so spiteful that he maybe would HAVE to do those things to appeal to a partner that he ends up just hating women _more_ AND thinks he's the whole package. I'm not saying there aren't men who actually successfully self work and get to a point of being a true teammate in a partnership, but the ones that have to motivate themselves on anger to do the most basic level of life management are really something and they would be LIVID if they knew for a lot of us women we're still not impressed bc we surpassed that before we got our curves and are already leagues ahead of the work he thinks is the lifetime extent of what he should have to do to be a catch.

[@piroshk1968]

🎯

[@kimdavis5403]

Thank you for that concise summary of observations I have felt to be the case for years !!!!!!! ❤

[@tangyjoe4326]

@@yougotOWENdI think she’s talking more about the why than the what. All these talking points from both sides are leaving out the motivators of love, care and value of the partner. My thinking is that for millennia, marriage and relationships were more of a business contract for survival and procreation and everyone knew what was expected of them. As we’ve moved from needing a partner to survive to looking at a relationship as an emotional connection, we haven’t quite figured out how to fit all the tasks necessary for day to day living into that dynamic. I think there are two different discussions: one is men who want traditional tasks from women (in addition to working outside the home)who are no longer doing the traditional tasks once asked of men (physically building the house, working the home farm, hunting and killing dinner) which causes resentment from women. The other is, or should be, men (who I genuinely feel for because it’s not just their fault) that can’t figure out what their importance is in modern society. As women don’t necessarily “need” them for traditionally masculine tasks (I have my own money, I can just pay someone to build stuff and fix stuff) it must be difficult for men, especially younger ones, to figure out their value in a relationship and the things modern women want (like emotional connections) aren’t things most men have been brought up to know or understand or may not even be wired for. I don’t know how to fix that, but I think just recognizing would go a long way. It’s not just men needing to change, but women need to recognize that men are struggling too to find their place in modern society. Unfortunately most discussions are adversarial pitting us against each other rather than trying to find pathways for both men and women to find happiness and fulfillment in life.

[@themaggattack]

​​​@tangyjoe4326 You make a lot of good points. I just want to say that there are still a lot of poor people who still need a partner to survive. I, for one, was confused thinking that partnership was for love and companionship- but when push came to shove, he dumped me and I don't have enough money to live on my own yet. I still need him to survive, because we have a child who also needs to be supported. So now we're still living together in a prolonged situationship while I try to get my money up enough to support our child on my own. I found out that in my case and many other cases, sadly, partnership is still just about practicalities and not love.

[@eadra]

​@tangyjoe4326 THANK YOU for saying this!!! I am a huge men's rights advocate, however, not the way a lot of these guys want. I am all about supporting their growth mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (not religion, but rather that life is full of unseen forces of nature), and learning how to find authentic self-respect. My husband and I met in our 30s, he had been living alone since he was 18, with no roommates or any gf. His basic human task skills are well-rounded and reliable. Yet, it breaks my heart often to see the emotional anguish because his rural family only prioritized men as "money bags" and absolutely sh!t all about emotional skills. We spend hours reading, discussing, and practicing emotional regulation skills. Watching the light in his eyes get brighter by the day as he discovers connection through scary levels of emotional vulnerability is an absolute honor. I love this man with all my heart and pray deeply that all men can discover their true worth and value as whole human individuals with the freedoms that come with emotional responsibility. We as women need to rise above the desire to leave them to their demise and keep an eye out for the men who are open, ready, willing able to learn, but who (honestly and truly) have been left utterly confused about where to start or how to develop resiliency. We can heal a lot by ignoring and avoiding the misogynists and keeping an eye out for the men who are trying but are so damn lost and have no idea where to even start.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

The men who need to hear this, learn this and understand this, aren't listening, ate in delulu denial and don't want to hear it! I show my 16 year old son a lot of your videos! He needs to learn,know and understand!

[@OGK-1414]

🙏🏾

[@colinloh6427]

Nice. 👍🏻🥰👑

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

Same here honey.

[@starlingswallow]

Honestly? Going through a lifetime of abuse and _surviving?!??_ Now I know I can do *anything* because I survived and got out of that hellscape!!!

[@LElCoolP]

Me too! We got this 💪

[@FindYourFree]

same here..i am so grateful

[@omotayosatuyi252]

Not all guys are abusive 🤦‍♂️

[@omotayosatuyi252]

@DisPater-xs2pu Sure but to paint all guys and say they are abusers is not true

[@SincerelyOfficiallyBlossom]

@@omotayosatuyi252imagine watching this video, reading that comment and this being your response. WE FUCKING KNOW. But it’s now worth the trouble to find those good men, thanks for speaking up for them tho. They’re in the comment section talking about this issue and supporting women not trying to convince everyone of their innocence. Thanks for helping them. Off yourself now😊

[@BekkaPoo]

Also sometimes you start out with someone who is a partner but as soon as a child comes into the picture, congratulations..you now have 2 children and one of them is your former partner.

[@ParticipationTrophyWife1]

They sure do! So many men get jealous of their own baby bc its taking away all their wife/gf's attention, which is a big reason why the most common time for men to start cheating is right after baby is born. Grown men competing with literal babies being so common really shows how much they believe women are supposed to center them at all times.

[@susanplatt5331]

A discussion on uk tv this morning, about how men are currently struggling. The tone was that it's because of women. Why don't they say it like it is, men are struggling without women. They can't do it without us but we've always been able to do it without them, they just didn't allow it.

[@Sleipnirseight]

This is why men who know how to take care of themselves as functioning adults are so valuable. This is why men who can cook and clean and nurture are so attractive. That's the sign of a partner who will actually value you as a beloved equal, and who will actually contribute to the relationship and family. Interestingly, people raised by single parents tend to be much more likely to see different chores and duties as EVERYONE'S responsibility, not just belonging to one gender or the other. People with single parents grow up seeing that one parent performing all the duties and being taught that the whole family needs to help out to get the job done.

[@audreymusk]

Exactly.

[@Sweetpea2977]

My son is 21 and excellent. He works fulltime, will be graduating from college this year, cooks, cleans, buys groceries, toiletries, and is social and emotionally intelligent. I've been a single mother his whole life.

[@suzsiz]

Emotional labor uughh 😣😓 Men also dont want to go to therapy or build male friendships and therefore drain the lives of women. Emotional intelligence is number 1 thing I look for in a man.

[@agc1161]

I'm proud of you. I'm Practicing discernement going forward. Had a male say that he was skeptical of therapy & that it was "invented" all kind of conspiracies to deflect from the work he needs to do on himself. Safe to say I closed that chapter only 2-3 months in. You know I've found that this phenomena isn't even age specific, these archetypes can be from any generation! So all women must stay away from them. They clearly need psychological help but won't get it. Were not rehabilitation centers for men whose parents didn't parent them effectively like many of them think. Gross! 🤢

[@suzsiz]

@@agc1161 Amen to that!

[@stregalilith]

Family therapists are finding that the men they treat have only been dragged there by wives and girlfriends and their only emotional skills are rage and silence.

[@katharineshepherd253]

I am showing this to my 15 year old daughter this weekend. The way she laid it all out is CRYSTAL clear 🙌🏼

[@moonhunter9993]

yup, doing the same with my daughter. I've been talking about patriarchy for a while with her.

[@Frugality]

This was a great video! Once I started working on myself I realized how happier both I and my child became. I intend on continuing my growth process because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

[@navideology]

Yasssss❤

[@BurbNBougie]

You got this!

[@informedRev13]

This breakdown is superb! Women, I am so proud of you! Keep elevating and investing in you.

[@bea_ramm]

I remember when my coworker overheard me telling a friend that I was debt free, had a credit score of 815. That I had a high yield savings account, investments and a Roth IRA. He jokingly offered me marriage. I stopped him and then asked him about HIS finances. Debt, no savings and a 700 credit score… I joked and said “come back when that’s all at my level and you have money saved for a down payment on a house. You put half and so do I”. Men really do want a soft life.

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

At our expense

[@skyebentley]

Then have the audacity to say it must be nice

[@skyebentley]

when I bought my first car which is a challenger when they came out in 2010 this guy literally parked in the middle of the alley with no way to get around him and when I yelled at him or honked my horn at him he came out and literally cussed me out saying that it must be nice to drive a car like that your parents bought youmeanwhile it’s me paying the car payment and it’s me paying the insurance on it and it’s me putting the gas in the tank

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

@@skyebentley so sorry that happened

[@croneyr]

Drizzle drizzle!

[@YahRiYah_Ahava777]

She put the whole thing both sides in a nutshell!! I appreciate her. Thank you for sharing.

[@BurbNBougie]

You are so welcome

[@msybeswaze3965]

Energy vampires.

[@jessicam3707]

I really really need women to realize how much maintaining beauty is also invisible labor. We do our makeup, shop for clothes, pretty stuff for the house, do our hair, try out products and beauty techniques. They tricked us into thinking it was for ourselves, even as they consistently pick women who do these things more often than women who don’t. It’s all expected, and not seen and valued. Even as we’re putting a monetary value on a lot of the invisible labor women provide, it’s still so much lower than other jobs, so it’s still undervalued. But if it’s expected of the woman, then her time needs to be valued the same as a man’s is, exactly equally.

[@jessicam3707]

@@yougotOWENd Yes, it is something you do to make yourself more attractive, so it counts. Women work out too. Nothing men do is really invisible though, they constantly brag about their muscles. But the point is also that the woman wouldn’t be putting on a full face of makeup on a random Thursday if she wasn’t going out with you.

[@audreymusk]

Nw yu even have to be an interior decorater

[@daintykeisha9787]

She was having church up in here! 🙌🏾 She explained it to a tee!

[@shannonsmith7509]

Baby the way I almost pulled out a tambourine🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Letmebe_2363]

That invisible labor thing! As a sahm and wife she did not tell one lie! It's not my husband's paycheck it our paycheck!😅😅😅😅

[@klausd.6285]

I am very glad she mentioned what we have is not natural. Back long before humans decided to settle into and build cities, both men and women did everything together. They cooked, they fixed things, they took care of the kids, they hunted, they gathered, they built things, and etc. And it wasn't just the parents of the kids that helped, everyone helped and took care of each others kids, elders, and each other. This idea of screw everyone else outside your family and the dynamic of what we have of men and women isn't how it has always been.

[@tricitymorte1]

There are channels on YT where people clean someone's house for them. One that stood out to me was an older man who had NEVER ONCE cleaned his house after his wife died 15 years earlier. She had always been the one doing the cleaning and he just absolutely refused to do it himself, and none of his family would do it for him.

[@graciouslyloved10]

Winnie Mandela,Einstein wives is all I can say.Put yourselves first ladies....

[@availanila]

I see you didn't know of Nelson Mandela's other wives nor the woman he left destitute because "he didn't feel like getting married." Winnie Mandela = not do good; All of his other wives = wonderful women used abused and abandoned by him.

[@graciouslyloved10]

​@@availanilaI chose to write on winnie,you can write all about the others,it still makes their labour for a man not worth it.

[@Stoppit-tidyup]

Seriously, have a look into Ghandi's wife. He refused her medicine because it was against their beliefs. She died, but when he got the same illness, his beliefs suddenly weren't as strong, and he allowed himself to take the medicine. Because he would have been such a loss to humanity 😑

[@graciouslyloved10]

@@Stoppit-tidyup Exactly...men being selfish and women not putting themselves first...

[@jasbirkaurvillaschi8019]

@@Stoppit-tidyupshe died of uterine haemmorhages I doubt seriously he died of that , he died froma bullet after sexually abusing his grand nieces and his followers wives , forcing unmarried teenagers to sleep with him naked to test his celibacy , yep this is the same guy who was such a sex pest he was stupping his wife whilst his father was dying in the neighbouring room, of course he blamed her being a temptress .

[@soundsaboutright---]

I'm over the moon that these conversations are coming to the forefront. Even as a kid it never made sense that men weren't expected to do much outside of work, yet the women had a job too on top of the domestic stuff and somehow the man was still the "leader". That scripture-if you believe in such a thing- is something that has also stuck out to me for a few years. It to b some extent paints men as needing women. However, you have these men on podcasts today trying to tell men they don't need companionship, do all these other things and women will follow you, and oh yea, the men are suffering from a loneliness crisis that women need to help them fix. Craziness.

[@BashaerB-h2c]

We also have to be fit,friendly and look pretty most of the time. I know soooooooo many young women who are polite, raised well, educated, fit, dress fashionable, fantastic personalities, well traveled, have hobbies yet very very few men match up to them. It’s sad really. Many men don’t deserve the women they’re with that’s why they treat them badly out of insecurity and are hella controlling.

[@BashaerB-h2c]

+ about the second part of your comment, I recently left a man because he kept spewing podcast nonsense about “not needing anyone blah blah blah” I’m like okay you feel my feminine presence isn’t worth it? I left and now he’s whinnying online about how lonely he is. Men talk big but reality is they’re miserable without feminine energy around them.

[@soundsaboutright---]

@user-rx7uh9mg4f it's not much different that the 6 foot, 6 figure income, 6 foot ab guy the redpill say women want, and some do. The thing is even most women will tell them they're looking for statistical unicorns, which is her right. Whereas it seems the men feel entitled to the prototype they push and forget they're a minority as well

[@turquoise_sky]

At holiday dinners as a kid, it always baffled me why the men got to sit and watch football while the women did all the cooking and cleaning. As a teen, I decided to sit and do nothing, and got roasted by the female members of the family for not helping them. I asked why the men got to sit and do nothing, but not me. It broke their brains. They had no answer.

[@soundsaboutright---]

@user-rx7uh9mg4f which is no n different than the women talking about wanting the 6 foot, 6 figure earning, 6 pack having man. The difference is MOST women will acknowledge this is just preference or sheer delusion. Theyre stayistical unicorns. On the other hand, these podcasts speak as though men are entitled to these things while conveniently neglecting to mention that they're also likely statistical unicorns.

[@solisa1656]

❤❤❤ I feel like I have this fight with my husband a few times a year. He wants to know what I contribute (because he doesn’t think it’s very much) and I start listing -Main breadwinner -Money managing (bills, budget, planning) -Coordinating schedules -School (homework, activities, extracurriculars, etc) -Health care (scheduling, nutrition, acute illnesses) -Household maintenance (cleaning, repairs, updates) -Meals (planning, shopping, cooking) you get the point, the list goes on until he cuts me off. What does he do? -His own laundry -Dishes -Mows lawn -washes his own car -Cooks for himself and makes simple snacks for kids -Picks up yard/dog poo -Picks up kids when I tell him to How does this even compare???? 🤦‍♀️ This video voices so many of my frustrations that I haven’t been able to articulate to others. I’ll be adding some new words to my vocabulary today! ❤ I hope she starts a channel on KZbin - I don’t have TikTok

[@urmamasmamasmama]

Notice almost all of his list is centered on himself?

[@amazinggrace313]

Why doesn’t he do other laundry? Cook for the whole house? And wash your car too? My God does your husband really think he runs the show??

[@pink1237480]

I watched the "quiet on the set" documentary. The way the women were treated was just awful. They had to share a salary while the men got their own salary.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

What?! Share a salary!? I had never heard some nonsense. I gotta look up this documentary.

[@Cyhcg5uhgb]

​@@tashibalampkin8555 I dont know quite on set, but I do remember Opera Finfrey saying she got a lower salary then her male coworker as he had to "suport his family". Even though they were working the same job. So I am not suprised

[@electron-Volt]

Anybody else wishing the men at least brought the money? Even that? 'Cause they aren't really even providing money nowadays.

[@sweet2sourr]

Not one of mine. When it is a requirement there is no man who isn’t bringing in money around

[@electron-Volt]

@@Dr_Nutrition I feel you. Over at Female Dating Strategy, their advice was to "never build a bro".They will leave once you have helped build them up...

[@moonhunter9993]

No, because it would make them more entitled

[@minaso81307]

Thank FEMINISM for THAT!! 😅

[@shaypope4732]

How about everyone feed , clean and take care of themselves so no one gets used for free/love

[@nosphosferaoneeyedcat701]

Men- reeeeeeee!

[@mango7966]

She’s a smart lady

[@Maria-ow8pk]

"Only a weak person avoids challenge." 👈👈 This!!

[@lesliewit]

The only thing that I feel like she didn't mention is the man who never overtly talks about women's roles being certain things, but creates situations in which women will be forced to care for him. I commented on her TikTok that these guys will never parrot red pill talking points because they know it will reflect badly on them. They will simply let things go until the woman takes care of it.

[@liabw05]

Wealonized incompetence?

[@PrincessCashmonie]

People get tired eventually. Live alone. A peace of mind is priceless.

[@IndiaAniya25]

This was well done and it’s why I give a lot of grace to the women who came before us. They had to do a lot of unwanted things in order to survive and carve out a space for themselves.

[@TFPG62]

BnB, Please bring her series to your KZbin channel!!

[@Pinkpanda811]

Yes! I don't (and won't ever) have TT, but I'd love to hear more.

[@BurbNBougie]

Okie dokie

[@navideology]

Yes TT is banned in my country

[@navideology]

​@@BurbNBougie❤❤❤

[@aliciamarana]

Excellent content. Thank you for sharing. The patriarchy runs deep my friends. I birthed two boys, my youngest came out as trans and it was like a switch flipped in me and I noticed myself expecting more out of my child as a girl than I did as a boy. It blew my mind. Subconscious programming is wild!

[@whattheflimflam]

Sooooo refreshing. I get a kick out of watching the Pickmeishas go on and on about how great men are. It's so weird how convincing their arguments are. And then you come over here and you get back to reality real fast 😂 kudos to BurbNBougie for keeping us on our toes.

[@havingfunisnthard]

It’s so sad hearing them say things like, “ever since I learned to submit to my husband, my life has gotten so much better!” Like no… you had to make yourself smaller to gain respect? Honey, that’s not a flex…

[@hardcandy71287]

@@havingfunisnthard"i made myself the perfect host for my parasite of a husband." everything that men want from women always has some form of a woman making herself as vulnerable and meek as possible. be submissive, don't talk, don't think, don't work, have more kids than you can handle. they want robots.

[@audreymusk]

Great men are great. Mature men. A man who knows what it means to be the man of the house. A man who is not slacking off just because he thinks he can. There are great men. Not all of them.

[@Khiarika1]

Here's a question: We have always said "men mature and develop slower than women". But is that true? Or is it because we spoil them with the "you barely have any chores" "boys will be boys" "You are no responsible for any toxic behavior in a relationship" "you are the king of the world" mentality that we raise all boys with. The men that grew up parentified, with an alcoholic parent, who had to go to work earlier than their friends, all somehow manage to learn how to mature faster. I think some of the message that we teach needs to be to teach mothers to stop spoiling their boys. Teach him how to cook dinner and help people when they're sick. Teach him how to be a team player in the household. Women have way more power than we realize.

[@JenStStjarna]

“What do you bring to the table” is a job interview question. If someone you’re dating asks you that, it means they want to put you to work for them. It’s an exploitative question. Say, “nothing.” And go.

[@creativelife9871]

I enjoyed her TED Talk.

[@Nessajess7]

Wow This has to be one of my FAVORITE videos you've posted. She really broke it down all the way to the ground lol! I'm definitely going to save this one and re-watch 🤙🏾🌻🌿✨️

[@higurashikai09]

The more videos I see, the more and more I know that my mother got one of the best guys on the planet. They've been married for almost 30 years now. Tomorrow is his 64th birthday 🎉 Ladies, don't settle for a man-child. Get a man who will share the load changing diapers, cooking, cleaning and has a great personality. Good men do exist out there.

[@arlett6477]

I am so happy this younger generation of women are already so bright and soo smart ❤❤❤

[@dusklvr]

If your man accuses you of doing nothing all day, I recommend you only do chores when he is there to witness it.

[@hardcandy71287]

i would just stop doing them all together. men only understand consequences. if he starts to notice that the place is a mess, i'd just say, "i WAS doing something all day but now i'm not. if you want a clean house and food on the table, you need to appreciate what i do."

[@MN-hv5xv]

I suggest doing nothing, so that he can see w/his eyeballs what it looks like to not get things done in the household....

[@soundsaboutright---]

​@MN-hv5xv the thing is if they ever lived on their own then they know. Tell him to just compare his lifestyle before he got a gf to now. There's a bit of ignorance there at times, but on the whole it is the weaponized incompetence mixed with entitlement

[@livethatlife1830]

I'm sorry, but I'm not proving crap to anybody. This isn't slavery nor is a man my father. I go to work, and if I feel like I don't want to cook or clean, then I'm not.

[@livethatlife1830]

Or I will cook and clean only for myself he can clean his own mess he is an adult

[@Soulutions89]

3:30 When you include jobs predominantly held by women (caregivers, nurses, teachers, waitresses, cleaners, social workers) you begin to see how we are all underpaid and undervalued as well. It’s to keep us down by paying us too little to be on our own without a man or roommates.

[@JettSettingBengal]

They don’t even want to provide money now smh some of these guys are out here convincing women to go 50/50 smh

[@SunnyHeartKay]

any woman paying half a man’s bills is dumb. That man don’t like you.

[@jaddek.astrie3071]

But they think the younger women want them so badly for who they are rather their wallet 😂

[@lelz0394]

This romance and personality BS has got women wrapped up

[@tashibalampkin8555]

Unrelated. I still can't believe gymnastics leaders won't allow the female athletes to wear pants. But the males can. Young girls gotta worry about shaved legs and making sure their menstrual product is not showing as they perform. I'm been watching a lot of gymnastics shorts and that's just been on my mind lately.

[@Lovelesslouvre]

This is another thing I think about sometimes. How a lot of the times when it comes to professional sports, women’s uniforms are always shorter and more revealing.

[@mariuwu789]

​@@Lovelesslouvre It's almost like their performance and training isn't enough to show their value. Always, always it has to be a sensual connotation, at least 😒

[@Lovelesslouvre]

@@mariuwu789 yep because they mostly watch women’s sports to ogle at them. That’s where our only value lies

[@SunnyHeartKay]

Never noticed this.. ugh

[@JessyingAround]

I was opening up to my mom about a guy from my class literally stalking me, harassing me, acting like a creep, making me feel unsafe and she interrupted me to laugh and say that men are naturally predators and I'm exageratting. That he just likes me. That it's normal for them to behave like that. And that's why it's normal for a man to be intimate with a woman without even knowing their name -_- I had to hit her up with: "Well, as my mother, is that what you want for me? That I agree to be intimate with any guy who decides to be disrespectful and abusive towards me instead of speaking out?" She had no answer for that. I'm just sick of all the bs we're supposed to be tolerating just because Everyone making excuses for the disgusting stuff they do. I've been dealing with men's revolting harassment since I was A CHILD. Started stealing my brothers clothes, even getting him mad at me. And not even his clothes and acting like a guy would help. Even if they just see your face pointing out of some baggy af clothes and you're wearing a freaking mask. Someone is gonna follow you home. Happened to me too often. You cleaning up, cooking and being their mom is not the only thing they feel entitled to.

[@lucindabreeding]

One correction for this woman's video. She said people make a lot of money managing other people's households, cooking their food, etc . Labor that has been outsourced to women and women of color has never paid well. In fact the economic system creates co-conspirators of upper class homeowners who purposefully undervalue domestic labor when they pay for it. If people made a lot of money doing this, we would see a lot more upward mobility among immigrants and women of color who provide most of that labor when it is valued enough to be paid. A better comparison to the skills and intelligence needed to manage a household well is the work of an executive director of a non-profit corporation. It's not an equal comparison, because most nonprofits are also governed by boards of trustees. But the executive director is ultimately responsible for managing revenue, expenses, facilities management, labor, and specialized labor to move the non-profit toward its mission. There is a reason most grant writers are women. Women have historically been tasked with monitoring and managing purpose within a household, as well as the material goods and benefits needed to run that household. Many non-profit corporations concentrate grant writing to the executive director and that person's delegates. Also when making men understand better the economics and skill set of household management, using the non-profit model makes them see the legitimacy of it. Most men believe that non-profits are altruistic branches of corporations. Which they tend to prefer over governments. At least here in America.

[@donabeth4561]

That also goes for profession of nursing and teachers which were primarily considered “women’s work”.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

Yes. Points were made. A clean home is something greatly valued but those who are cleaners are often paid low wages.

[@deea3586]

This video so succinct and beautifully explains and connects everything that is happening right now. Patriarchy is clinging so hard and have already reversed our reproductive rights in some states. We need to be on top of this and not get complacent bc it’s a slippery slope.

[@bsquaredbundles]

As a married man I feel fulfilled doing 'women's work'. What made me learn the feeling helpless? Fucking capitalism. My wife is my queen and breadwinner and I know how much the workplace sucks. I do everything I can at home to support her and show my gratitude for her.

[@ayamempress1579]

She breaks it down very well.

[@navideology]

❤

[@CALredhead]

Wow!! GREAT explanation!! I'm 73 & fought during the original women's lib movement for the right to work a job outside the home & to earn equal pay for equal work! Women did start working & brought $$ home to our families but we NEVER earned equal pay doing the same jobs as men. She gave the clearest explanation I've ever b heard about how the patriarchy deprives women of autonomy & why men across America are passing laws to strip women of their right to their own self determination ...a right we fought for & earned (Thanks RBG!) 50+ years ago. Men see the writing on the wall & are trying anything to deprive women of our rights!!! Thanks so much for posting the links to her excellent TikTok series!

[@theupgraded6558]

I noticed the abuse once my narcissistic male manufacturer started taking away resources that he gaslighted me and my mother with. cut off car, food etc. I instantly left. NEVER AGAIN!!! I MAKE MY OWN MONEY, CIAO!!! my mother stayed because god knows what he'd do to her if she would leave him

[@e.1766]

This poster Nailed This👏🏻!!! Why Everything is how it is.....THIS Right Here. Thank You So Much for Sharing this Burb!!!!!!!!! 🥰🙌🏻👍🏻

[@Franciscaharrison1978]

I wstched my mum let my brother do nothing in the home wholst my cousins and i who were girls had to cook and clean and she wondered why i disliked him so much. When he noved out at 25, he then had these dumb ass girls who thought he was going to marry them one by one shop, clean, cook for him. He then left the UK and found his younger bride in the US. Then we had my dad, uncles and even granddads who couldnt even provide for the women and children they had without the wonen. These women worked outside the home to look after their children and the men benefited from this hard work!! I am glad we are starting to leave this crap in the past.

[@cruiseny26]

Amazing video. Must watch for all women

[@BurbNBougie]

Definitely

[@ousontmeslunettes9891]

Somehow my mind can't believe but my eyes can totally see in my life (plus your other videos are proofs) of what she said. But put it like this... I'm suprised!! It's like so obvious! This is a master class 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@jujubesification]

A boyfriend broke up with me once I noted that he was coming over for dinner and I was paying for all the groceries. As soon as I mentioned he should start pitching in, it was basically over as far as he was concerned.

[@moonhunter9993]

Fantastic. I will show my daughter. I've been trying to tell and explain these dynamics to her for a while.

[@shaypope4732]

How is it less valuable if men don't want to even do it for themselves?

[@poisonkiss201]

that's what they want you to think

[@blackcherry07]

@@yougotOWENdthat’s what they want us to think as well

[@sherox414]

Excellent Observation Queenzzz💯 we’re done done!!!