The Wonderful Insults of Groucho Marx

This content is owned by Universal and Warner Brothers.
Groucho's jokes were written by the likes of George S. Kaufman, Morrie Ryskind, S.J. Perelman, Will B. Johnstone, Arthur Sheekman and Nat Perrin.
In memory of Julius Marx who departed our world in 1977.
I don't think will will ever see the likes of this type of comedy again. This is my tribute from phagl productions.
Edited by Paul Hagl.

[@dansm1422]

Groucho: How did you manage to have 16 children? Woman: I love my husband very much. Groucho: Well, I love a good cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in awhile.

[@freeguy77]

You couldn't say that line today except maybe in a private setting! The overly-sensative women of today may not like the innuendo!

[@freeguy77]

@RUFUS T. FIREFLY Possibly true, knowing his wit and his proclivity for great comebacks.

[@MiTmite9]

My Mom loved that joke. She told it to me when I started as a volunteer for Planned Parenthood.

[@thewomble1509]

@@freeguy77 To deploy some groucho esque wit; Screw 'em!

[@koolmckool7039]

You think that's bad, someone on my family tree had 21 children.

[@markstreetdesign115]

"I didn't come here to be insulted." "Where do you usually go?"

[@robertoaiello9342]

" I didn't come here to be insulted." "That's what you think!"

[@SSmith-fm9kg]

That's my all-time favorite.

[@shadowking1380]

“What experience do you have in a department store?” “I was a shoplifter for 3 years” 😂

[@josemoreno3334]

Use that line when your trying to get a job at Wal-Mart.

[@wh4193]

@@josemoreno3334 Once this whole Virus thing cools down I will! 😂😂😂

[@jst7714]

What film is that from? It's a brilliant line.

[@davidekstrand8544]

“You didn’t think I was a real detective, did you?” “If you’re a detective, I’m a monkey’s uncle!” “Keep your family out of this!” 🤣

[@mindriot91_96]

@@jst7714 The Big Store (1941)

[@escaperoomleander1948]

"You're the man I've been dreaming of!" "What do you eat before you go to bed?"

[@austinthyme2296]

With the wonderful Eve Arden - a pretty funny lady in her own right.

[@Branton_S]

😉

[@BruceAlarie]

the humor is so impossibly advanced

[@Mrfairchap]

My favourite is still, “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception”. LOL!

[@emilysanders3638]

LOL

[@buckbrick]

How have i never heard that one!)) )lol

[@jack002tuber]

Mine too. I quote it a lot

[@larrywinkel66]

@@emilysanders3638 ml

[@samclark379]

Well, I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

[@chetmorrison7542]

From what I understand, he was like that in real life too. Always on. Right up until the day he died. he tells a story of eating in a LA restaurant, late in life, and some couple comes up to him, and the man says' We are such big fans. Groucho, please, insult my wife". Well, he just looks coolly at both of them and says "Sir, I am surprised at you...with a wife like that you should be able to come up with a few good insults yourself!"

[@JClark-34695]

"Time flies like an eagle... fruit flies like a banana..."

[@THE-HammerMan]

Chet Morrison Even Rodney Dangerfield & Robin Williams would be hard pressed to keep up with Groucho!

[@jamievenezia1617]

Matthew Hamersly I agree with you!Despite the love I have for both of those actors, Groucho was miles ahead of everyone. I don’t think there’s one person in history with a quicker wit than Groucho’s.

[@THE-HammerMan]

Jamie Venezia You're no doubt right. "...That's the nastiest remark I ever heard. Come up to my room tonight and show me you mean it!"

[@Dorelaxen]

The story goes that on one of his last days, his friend George Fenneman, who was his announcer on You Bet Your Life, was helping him from his wheelchair to his bed, when Groucho whispered in his ear "You always were a lousy dancer." Just amazing. Only maybe Dangerfield could match his zingers, and his delivery would be much slower.

[@ekathe85]

Apparently he could just throw stuff like this at you at will. No matter what you said, he always had a lightning fast comeback. One night, back before they were a celebrated comedy act, when they worked vaudeville theatre, Chico decided to test Groucho. Halfway through the performance, he ignored the script they had and just said a random line, "the garbage truck is here". Groucho immediately replied, "tell them we don't want any more".

[@steelbear4887]

Exactly - and in interviews, and tv-shows etc… He was truly a masterclass comedian 👌🏻❤️

[@ashleyp.4932]

I have always had the theory that the top comedians think up one liners and witticisms and store them away for when they are being interviewed (I mean after all, being funny is their job). They get interviewed so many times that they know all the questions they're likely to be asked, and so think up funny responses and use them at just the right moment, and they appear to be improvised. And to be honest in many cases the interviews are set up, you can just tell from how the interviewer always happens to have the right "feed line" so the comedian can respond. After all, it benefits them both, the comedian is seen as "naturally very funny" and the interviewer's show gets talked about the next day ("Hey, did you see so-and-so's show last night. They had XYZ on and it was just hilarious") so more people likely to watch the next week. Here in Britain in the seventies and eighties we had three interviewers who were known for doing exactly this.

[@riverraisin1]

@@ashleyp.4932 That's pretty common on any late night talk show. The conversations are basically scripted.

[@jerichogonzales1290]

​@@ashleyp.4932what's the matter they couldn't afford the rest of the alphabet. Here's a twenty go out and by them a vowel. Eh? I dont care if it's oh, just as long as you get a good deal.

[@d2dar459]

​@@ashleyp.4932 Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. The key to it is making it look like it always IS off the cuff.

[@TallSilentGuy]

**Police officer frisks Groucho's female companion** Groucho: "If you're looking for my fingerprints then you're a little early!"

[@jessicathethreestoogesfan2635]

No wonder why Groucho is the most recognized comedian

[@davidekstrand8544]

Groucho: “You remember Conductor Hennessy?” Policeman: “It’s Inspector!” Groucho: “Inspector yourself!” 🤣

[@jessicathethreestoogesfan2635]

David Ekstrand lmao

[@anylawliet1473]

That's a phrase from a movie A Day at the Races.....not from real life

[@joekrolikowski8637]

On one occasion while leaving a party, Groucho said to the host: "I've had a lovely evening, but this wasn't it."

[@deathshead357]

On another occasion, he took his son swimming but was refused entry to a swimming pool because he was Jewish. He replied : "Well my son's only half-Jewish, can he go in up to his waist?"

[@eugenebell3166]

Hahahahaha, what a cool guy.

[@jonathangreenblume8583]

The variant I heard was, 'I had a wonderful time, but I must have left it at home.'

[@dynjarren7523]

deathshead357 That is brilliant and funny! Only Groucho could come up with something like that!

[@mattparr3038]

@@deathshead357 😂🤣 halerious

[@zaphodbeatlebrox4906]

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx

[@patricktarmey6105]

& &- vxy

[@artistsanomalous7369]

That one's just...odd.

[@Valerifon1]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 😎👍

[@91dodgespiritrt]

GROUCHO = "OLD MOLESTER" ACORDING TO MARIE OSMOND.

[@christopherbartko6042]

@@91dodgespiritrt Marie Osmond = "Great Kisser" according to Donny Osmund.

[@JO-vj9kn]

Man: "If you're a detective I'm a monkeys uncle!" Groucho: "Keep your family out of this!"

[@Branton_S]

😘❤️

[@AssistantCommanderAlisha]

J O Groucho Perry: I should totally say that to Perry! He would be shocked XD

[@mma1st105]

Yeah I laughed out loud.

[@davidekstrand8544]

Oh, snap! 🤣

[@TimeandMonotony]

Left out one of my favorites: "Will you marry me? How much money did your husband leave you? Answer the second question first." What a comic genius.

[@odarn8911]

Also, "Marry me and I'll never look at another horse again!"

[@libertygiveme1987]

TimeandMonotony - Actually, the 'Writers' were GENIUS, but yes, Groucho's delivery was "GENIUS" as well.

[@dawnjohnson3263]

Right you are there

[@davidekstrand8544]

“I’ll marry both of you!” “But that’s bigamy!” “Well, that’s bigamy, too!” 🤣

[@davidekstrand8544]

“You can marry me and I can take a vacation. I’ll need a vacation if I’m going to get married!” 🤣

[@georgesmith4476]

"You should be ashamed! This lady is my wife!" "If that's your wife YOU should be ashamed"

[@glencadieux886]

The "INCREDIBLE WIT", back in the 1920's - 30's .....American Icons Groucho, Chico, & Harpo"...!!! Each guy had a meaning - Groucho, the oldest, "the comedy", & "the Brains" of the Brothers, Harpo - NEVER SPOKE, "a symbol" of the silent movies, Chico - an "Immigrant", THE LARGE MIGRATION TO AMERICA in the early 1900's more comedy, & with Harpo, provided music, that was first very popular, when the movies, first had audio, "Zeppo", wasn't really into it, & only appeared in a few films, the "good - looking guy", The "Rudolf Valentino", of their movies.

[@kathyflorcruz552]

Glen Cadieux And "LARGE IMMIGRATION" has exactly WHAT to do with this? My god. Stop making every damned thing POLITICAL. IF you want to bring up what the Marx Bros did each in their own talented way, fine. But were they here illegally? NO. Did they assimilate, retain their roots without PUSHING & DEMANDING rights YES. Did they succeed with hard work & loads of talent? YES. After ALL these years, are they legendary for WHO they were & what they contributed to show biz & to everyone who loved them? YES. Are they STILL respected? YES. DOES ANYONE EXCEPT TYPES LIKE YOU MAKE IT ABOUT A STUPID NON-ISSUE? NO. Thanks for screwing up a great little film, in true form, for selfish, myopic reasons.

[@bobtaylor170]

Kathy Florcruz Kathy, the commenter was citing Chico's comic character, not making a political point. In fact, in one of their films, after Chico's first line, Groucho turns and addresses the camera: "There it is, the case against immigration."

[@PhilBagels]

Actually, Chico was the oldest, and Harpo second. Groucho was third, followed by Gummo and Zeppo. Gummo was never in any of the movies, but was in their Vaudeville and Broadway stage shows. Zeppo essentially replaced him in the movies (for a while).

[@tenhirankei]

"I blame the minister who let you marry the monster."

[@tfb9126042]

"Why I've never been so offended in all my life" "We'll it's early yet"

[@CoffeeBeforePants]

my favorite

[@dawnslater1065]

Priest to Groucho: "I want to thank you for all they joy you've brought into this world". Groucho to priest: "And I want to thank you for all the joy you've taken out of this world".

[@Frankincensedjb123]

tfb9126042 Most of these had me gut-busting laughing

[@kurtb8474]

A Day at the Races. One of their best.

[@derycktrahair8108]

"I didn't come here to be insulted"...."Yeh?..where do you usually go?..." (You can always get a laugh with a Groucho impression).

[@LD-hs9iv]

"When I invite a woman on a date, I expect her to look at me. Its the price she has to pay." Oh my GODDDD I LOVE IT

[@karenjones30]

The video could end with Grocho singing, "Hello, I Must Be Going."

[@allspice_and_company]

Her: "He's had a change of heart." Groucho: "Lot of good that'll do him, he's still got the same face."priceless.

[@davidforman9024]

Groucho and kinnison would rip open the pc of today!

[@Dorelaxen]

"Come back in a half hour and I'll give ya another look at it!" Literally had me laughing out loud. Groucho was so great.

[@mindriot91_96]

I love that bit!

[@jeanbaumgartner4052]

​@@mindriot91_96THE SAME HERE ABOUT GROUCHO MARX 🥸😀😃😄😁😆😅🤣😂🙂🙃😉😊🥰😍🤩😘😗☺️😚😙🥲😋😛😜🤪😝🤑🤗🤭😏😎😺😸😹😻😼😽

[@snipedude4953]

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well I have others"

[@Groucho87]

My favorite one from the big store: *Groucho takes one look at a lady and her 8 kids* "What other hobbies you got?"

[@HobGungan]

"Come now, you wouldn't say 'no' to a Lady!" "I dunno why not; they always say 'no' to me!"

[@craigbrowning9448]

A bunch of guys can relate to that one.

[@fritzwilhelm8258]

@@craigbrowning9448 Boo Yah.

[@drestonjclaw2839]

Adam Bram ME TOO

[@suprememasteroftheuniverse]

@@craigbrowning9448 every single one

[@roweenie]

"I married your mother to have children.....imagine my disappointment when you arrived".

[@kathyflorcruz552]

roweenie OUCH!

[@tenhirankei]

Imagine MY disappointment when I found out you married my mother.

[@leestu7988]

I'm not in this business for LOVE ..I once was in love and she got the Business "

[@paxhumana2015]

roweenie, I would say this savage line in response, "If I am a disappointment to you, then my mother should have been disappointed in the choice that she made when she met you." Alternatively, to be a bit more modern, I would have said, "Well, at least I am revenge for how much that you disappointed your own parents."

[@ianboard544]

@@paxhumana2015 Too wordy. Try to tighten it up a bit.

[@aai3661]

Groucho in Duck Soup is, by far, one of the most incredible performances in film history. He was just so completely bonkers and over the top it's magical. He was over the top and you can tell he as the character knew full well he was over the top, but that awareness brought the audience in on the joke as well. Nobody got left behind. Genius.

[@jacklow9611]

I'm not sure, but he may have pioneered breaking the 4th wall.

[@avgjoe-cz7cb]

@@jacklow9611 Probably not, but he was a Master at it.

[@wearetomorrowspast.5617]

The broken mirror scene with Groucho and Chico is still up there as Cinema greatness for me.

[@meh8982]

@@jacklow9611 Breaking the 4th wall, especially in comedy, goes back to before theatres had walls.

[@mjanderson4]

comic genius. Once said on the Dick Cavett show "Anyone can make someone laugh by being dirty and vulgar. Making someone laugh by doing it clean takes a true comedian."

[@victorvaiopoulos2873]

"I can see you bending over a hot stove but I can't see the stove"

[@johnhoward1939]

"Remember boys your fighting for this lady's honour. which is probably more them she ever did. " What a line

[@Concetta20]

John Howard Now that kind of innuendo is funny.

[@gixxerfixxer4159]

John Howard English isn't my first language. Can you explain what it means?

[@foljs5858]

Gixxer Fixxer They're fighting to protect the good name of some lady (her "honor") that someone has insulted. Groucho implies that she never put a fight for her own honor herself (e.g. she is "easy").

[@blaQI_roch]

@@foljs5858 "She offered her honour, he honoured her offer! All evening long he was on her and off her!"

[@OldSilkRoad]

Blacky T. Roach Priceless!

[@pussycatjackson]

Groucho Marx: The King of Sarcasm and The Original Smartass We should all aspire to be this legendary.

[@albertpeterson5585]

...that's professional smart-ass to you; he's getting paid for it.

[@benjaminklaassen4722]

If everyone's legendary, then it's not really legendary, now is it?

[@pussycatjackson]

@@benjaminklaassen4722 One should always aspire for moments of legendary status. Always be a legend!

[@benjaminklaassen4722]

@@pussycatjackson Moments; yes, but if everyone could do the sort of things done by such greats as Hercules, then he would seem ordinaire, now wouldn't he?

[@pussycatjackson]

@@benjaminklaassen4722 My dear…just stop. Life is not something to nitpick. I suggest you enjoy it and make your own legends. Cute picture, by the way.

[@sle2470]

"What are you doing with that cigar in your mouth?" "Why? You know another way to smoke it?" 😄

[@snookslayer4559]

"I was married by a judge... I shoulda asked for a jury."

[@samueljohnson900]

"We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back in a couple of weeks." All I can say is "absolute brilliance".

[@2explore1]

many young ones today don't understand these play one words. Then cameras and film had to be developed. The Native girls not developed (matured). But we're going back in a couple of weeks. Yes. Brilliant!

[@freeguy77]

@@2explore1 Groucho should have said "...in a couple of months!" to make it a little more obvious what he was trying to see on those undeveloped girls.

[@WaywardPondering]

This one made my jaw drop. I couldn’t believe he made this joke, wow. The quick timing and delivery I am not surprised that people missed it.

[@sourgreendolly7685]

Michael7 Cline2 lmao I’m not a younger one but the idea that young people have never heard of film cameras is laughable. Their parents probably still have negative from photos from when they were younger - I know I have plenty and I’m only 30.

[@BettyJoBialofski]

@@sourgreendolly7685 There's not a roll of Kodak in sight at any film school today.

[@jakre10]

Margaret Dumont was the perfect foil for Groucho. Loved them together

[@cards0486]

A NIGHT AT THE OPERA: “Alright! I’ll be at your stateroom at 11 o’clock!” “If you’re not I’ll be back here at 11:05. With squeaky shoes on.”

[@thedudeunderyourbed8474]

*Chico plays piano* Jennings: "Oh, I love good music" Groucho: "So do I, let's get out of here"

[@johnhughes2653]

Chico (playing piano): I can't think of the end Groucho: That's funny, I can't think of anything else! Chico: You know what? I think I go past it. Groucho: Well next time it comes around, jump off!

[@crisantemadeharo7774]

Max brothers jenios🤣😆🤡💐🐰📺en blanco y Negro ❤️🐰💐 mecago en mis calzones 😅un poquito cuando ve alos max brothers est🤡😁😄😃😀🙃😊☺️😉 con todos los comediantes de lantaño del pasado no de oy🤬😤😠🤮💩bindo en oceanside 🐳🚅coaster⛱️☮️🆗🆒🌬️ la conedia de oy vale fregada grosera rea💩para mi no es chistosa🤬😠🤮

[@thedudeunderyourbed8474]

@@crisantemadeharo7774 Hay buenas comedias para todas las épocas, solo hay que tener la mente abierta. Los hermanos Marx también eran "groseros" para su época.

[@crisantemadeharo7774]

@@thedudeunderyourbed8474 para mi son groseros y mi mente esta abierta pero grosero es grosero a ora y siempre en todo tiempo 🌹🌈💐🦋🆗🐰😁🤬😡

[@thedudeunderyourbed8474]

@@crisantemadeharo7774 El tiempo altera la percepción de lo grosero. Los mismos hermanos Marx llegaron a ser criticados por tener un contenido "demasiado sexual", que hoy en día pasaría desapercibido. Además hay comedias limpias hoy en día también.

[@TheNightWatcher1385]

"You're the man I've been dreaming of!" "What do you eat before you go to bed!?" Haha!

[@jazzman1626]

“Your the girl of my dreams...my, I gotta stop eating cheese before bed”

[@MomijifanLowKI]

"Are you a man or a mouse?" "You put a piece of cheese down there & you'll find out" XD

[@TREVASLARK]

Imagining their life together -"I can see see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove, but I can't see the stove." Beautiful !

[@LeeKD93]

“A lady’s diamond earring has been lost. It looks exactly like this. In fact this is it.” Actually made me laugh out loud 😂

[@TheStapleGunKid]

You didn't include my favorite Groucho routine. From Duck Soup: "Not that I care but where is your husband anyway?" "Why he's dead" "I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse." "I stayed with him till the very end." "Hmm, no wonder he passed away." "I held him in my arms and kissed him." "Oh I see, so it was murder!"

[@frankdenardo8684]

TheStapleGunKid Groucho: give him five years In Leavenworth or ten years I. twelves worth. Chico: I take five to ten at Woolworth's.

[@ericmartin3448]

"Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first." "He left me his entire fortune." "Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you!"

[@lynnpeterson9418]

TheStapleGunKid on

[@graffitifoxx4420]

Oh yes I love that one!

[@1mantisco]

That was one of his funniest

[@berserkley]

Groucho: "And if anyone calls, tell them nobody's home." Chico: "What if they don't believe me?" Groucho: "They will when you open your mouth."

[@tjmusa]

one of his best line is, i would never join a club that would have me as a member.

[@thexalon]

That wasn't on film, that was a telegrammed reply to a club that invited him to join but wouldn't allow Jewish members.

[@CliffDaddy]

@@thexalon This is an oft-misquoted line. In his book, "Groucho and Me", he says that he had joined (after "considerable urging") a theatrical organization whose members were unscrupulous and rude (he had thought the club was of higher class). After one annoying evening he sent them a wire stating "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER".

[@ge2623]

I use that all the time to this day.

[@freeguy77]

"I'd like to join a club and beat you over the head with it!" --paraphrasing one of his lines, but you get the point!

[@nicolenewsome4863]

@@thexalon wow. But, he is Jewish his parents and brothers are Jewish.

[@steveladue]

"I never forget a face. But in your case I'll make an exception."

[@jayrosen6663]

Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend.Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read-Groucho Marx

[@leestu7988]

Televison now days is so educational , everytime some one turns it on ,I go read a book "

[@PurpleBulbous]

Mark Twain

[@barbaragodwin6710]

I have that quote on my refrigerator.

[@MrMichaeljay1965]

Groucho Marx said in an interview that anybody can say something dirty and get a laugh. He then added the challenge, "Say something clean and get a laugh. That requires a comedian". The comedians of that era were far more resourceful than those of today, and they got good, honest laughs.

[@Concetta20]

Michael Jay Exactly. It doesn't take talent to tell a dirty joke, it takes talent to make a clean joke or skirt around the edges of a dirty joke. Clever innuendos, like Groucho did, are so more funny than bold-faced crass.

[@h0gwartz]

Richard Pryor of all people once said the same thing. He said too many comedians use profanity to get a cheap laugh.

[@RagnarokMic]

Depends on the joke. A dirty joke can be every bit as clever as a clean joke. Still, it takes talent to tell any kind of joke well.

[@kurtb8474]

Yes. But dirty humor laced with profanity anyone can do. Getting laughs without it takes real talent.

[@typhoonzebra]

@@kurtb8474 That's like saying that hopping 100 meters takes real talent therefore Usain Bolt is not a good runner since he uses both legs. Yes, getting a laugh without profanity requires talent but that doesn't mean that everyone who does use profanity isn't talented

[@RisenHellFire]

Happy 133rd Birthday Groucho. You'll always be one of, if not, the GOAT comedians.

[@pauldevito7476]

Chico, playing the same notes on piano over and over, says "I can't think of the finish". Groucho: "That's funny, I can't think of anything else".

[@amc042759]

What a riot he was. He didn't hold back on any subject. Ahead of his time.

[@lucyfisher8347]

We're just behind the times.

[@camilogarciaylasaari1857]

It must be horrible to be ahead of your time. How do you manage without the rest of your body?

[@neal2399]

Camilo Garcia Ylasaari and the legend lives on...

[@kpeters909]

It's not really a "legend" if it "lives on" now is it?

[@alanr4447a]

It's a living legend that will live on long after other living legends have died.

[@Hansthatjudicious]

Brilliant. i could watch this until the cows come home. Or I could watch the cows till this comes home.

[@tenhirankei]

Or if I was a farmer I could watch the cows at home.

[@johnny07652]

I could watch this in my pajamas. I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How did I get into my pajamas, I don't ever know!

[@bhupinsingh5]

wasnt that WC Fields?

[@Lengsel7]

Alan Alda owes the entire success of his character in MASH to Groucho.

[@liamoconlocha3264]

Not to mention Bilko and Top Cat

[@leastlikedcritic7529]

He was a class act in the world of comedy, often imitated but never duplicated.

[@SueLyons1]

"Come back in another half hour and I'll give you another look at it" ha ha :)

[@carlpen850]

@ Sue... that's been one of my favorites that I've used on people since my college daze. Just before Christmas I was at my friends house and his teenage son was standing on the porch watching his dad and I unloading some stuff out of my van... so I stopped, pulled a $20 out of my wallet and said to the kid "see this? help us get the rest of this stuff into the house and I'll show it to you again"... well he helped us and when we were done he said "hey, where's that twenty? so I pulled it out and showed it to him again... he didn't get it but my buddy sure did... he didn't stop laughing, he still laughs about it to this day.

[@higherground711]

That joke was one of the best! X-D

[@mikigalshou7806]

i have used that gag numerous times

[@georgeplagianos6487]

Carl Pen if you did that to me I would have punched you in the face..

[@optimisticwhovian1726]

That was my favourite, I pretty much knew he wasn't giving that guy the money but I still laughed cos it was always Grouchos sarcastic delivery that made the film.

[@ETH5626]

Groucho Marx: "I could dance with you 'til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows 'til you came home." LOL love that line

[@subliteral]

Groucho was unmatched. He was a star across all media he performed on in through his life - from vaudeville , Broadway , radio , and was one of the most popular TV personalities of all time. The man's wit is simply timeless.

[@spankywzl]

Groucho: "So what line of work are you in?" Man: "I'm glad you asked..." Groucho: "I withdraw the question!"

[@andymassingham]

How have I missed "Mind if I don't smoke?" Great line!

[@ryogto]

rofl yeah that one got me, using it

[@senorkaboom]

"I don't want to belong of any club that would accept me as one of its members." Groucho Marx's letter of resignation to the Friars Club.

[@mvies77]

How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. - The classic Groucho line. The Marx Bro's were wonderfully insane, unique and nonstop entertaining. Still after all of this time, no one compares to them. The last and this centuries top rated comedy stars. Never grow tired of watching their movies. Perfect timing and continual comedy improvisation never grows tired.

[@antrimlariot2386]

U can't just say the punchline. You have to set it up.

[@radioguy1950]

everybody knows in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

[@digitalnomad9985]

@@antrimlariot2386 It's in the vid.

[@haroldfloyd5518]

“I’ve never been so insulted!” “Well, the evening is still young!”

[@chiefdog6909]

"And don't point that beard at me, it might go off!" Damn, why have I never watched this stuff before?

[@PaulHagl]

I'm glad you discovered this then. This is the reason I made it.

[@billolsen4360]

Groucho's a gift for very new generation that comes along.

[@coralroper6876]

This man was one of the cornerstones of my childhood. The fact that I was born nearly 25 years ago tells you a lot about my parents.

[@coralroper6876]

@@jonfungg They're not *that* old. Yet.

[@SGood54]

My 25 yr old daughter too. Her other favorite is Cary Grant. And Mozart.

[@ronwhite8503]

That makes your parents about my age therefore totally understandable. Parents of fine taste.

[@jonrudd4733]

I got to grow up when Groucho was still alive, and saw him on numerous talk shows. He was hilarious!! Watch him on "What's My Line." He has the whole panel cracking up!! My Dad turned me on to he and the Marx Brothers. If they were on, we watched it. Duck Soup and A Day at the Races is my fave!

[@michaelward9880]

I'm 63 and shaved loved the Marx Brothers for at least 53 years, if not more. If you don't "get" the Marx Brothers, you have no heart, soul, intellect or sense of humor. Long Live Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo and last, but not least, Margaret Dumont! Comic geniuses all!

[@williamhudson943]

They were all great actors and musicians Harpo and his Harp some of the most amazing music!!!!! 🎶🎵👍😎🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@alyssajones4368]

"Come back in a half hour and I'll give you another look at it." LOL Groucho was a trip 🤣

[@B1GK1NG]

Alyssa Jones that line had me dying. 😂😂😂

[@alyssajones4368]

@@B1GK1NG lol right!!

[@B1GK1NG]

Alyssa Jones my other favourite line is what experience you got in a department store?. “ I got 3 years shop lifting.”

[@alyssajones4368]

@@B1GK1NG lol ikr? Hilarious

[@mindriot91_96]

Probably my favorite line. LOL

[@billgedeon9645]

"3 years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket..Now I've got a nickel in my pocket"..

[@leestu7988]

I worked my up from nothing to extreme poverty

[@Sou1defiler]

"Why you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. And that's not saying much for you.."

[@christophertsiliacos8958]

One for the insult column: "Heaven must be absent one angel, because you look like you died a long time ago." No, Groucho didn't say it -- but it sounds like something Groucho could've said. 😉

[@jancoley9051]

Groucho is hilarious. I was laughing out loud. I've never watched him before. Now I just love the sharp witted man.

[@freedomisntfree2089]

He was the man, years ahead of his time, paved the way for so many others

[@JonesNate]

I always liked it when Hawkeye did the Groucho Marx impressions on M*A*S*H

[@TFABMN]

who weren't men

[@reshuram4353]

@@TFABMNwhat

[@thedon978]

"I don't think I've ever seen four more beautiful eyes in my life - well, three, anyway." Great line, perfect timing, impeccable delivery.

[@aaaab384]

I don't understand it.

[@professionalmemeenthusiast2117]

@@aaaab384 He was saying one of them had a something wrong with an eye

[@premanadi]

@@aaaab384 He was flirting simultaneously with two women, but insulting them at the same time.

[@christopherlundgren3499]

I've used this line so many times over the years. It is one of my all time favorites

[@befdoglover1]

"Why you are the most beautiful woman I ever met and that is not saying much for you!"

[@zerofail.455]

It's 2019 and I think this material is more hilarious than ever.

[@mindriot91_96]

Groucho was certainly ahead of his time.

[@davidekstrand8544]

Zeppo: “Anything further, Father?” Groucho: “ ‘Anything further, Father,’ that can’t be right. Isn’t anything farther further? 🤣

[@TFABMN]

Well, it was even funnier in 2018

[@tomsmith5216]

He was a century ahead of his time. He got away with a lot of innuendo because the censors had no clue...and neither did most of audiences.

[@user-wt2rs2mm9n]

2023 now and it's still miles ahead of any so called comedians we have now.

[@Lammy4ever7]

There's this one from "A Night at the Opera": "I was with her because she reminds me of you. That's why I'm with you. Because YOU remind me of you. Your hair, your lips, your eyes. Everything about you reminds me of you......except you. (aside) If she gets that one, she's good."

[@missimin]

So that's where they got the lyrics for the song You Remind Me of You from the broadway play Minnie's Boys.

[@treebore28]

What I love about Groucho is that while he's quick to insult others, he wouldn't think twice about making himself the butt of a joke! Oh, Julius...

[@DarioAntonio626]

"I welcome you with open arms". "Is that so, how late do you stay open?"Bwaaahaaahaaahaaaa!

[@williamhulser7354]

Two of my favorite Groucho quips: "You're only as old as the woman you feel." "I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals that are."

[@guitarmatricide4834]

You could just make a whole video out of “Duck Soup” alone, but this one is one of my favorites: “I say we take up the tax!” “I say we take up the carpet!” “I STILL insist we must take up the tax!” “He’s right, you know, you have to take up the tacks before you can take up the carpet.” “Sir, you try my patience!” “Don’t mind if I do, you must come over and try mine some time!”

[@timbuktu8069]

They did, it was called Duck Soup.

[@robhendrikx2198]

We're three men and a woman. Send help! If you can't send help, send two more women!

[@MikePuorro]

"No Sir, bad luck, three on a midget." I'm dying LOL

[@MyBachful]

My favorite: Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana!

[@georgealderson4424]

Yes and maybe it is one that you have to think about for a few seconds

[@oneton7292]

Editor Fred R. Shapiro has researched this quote and says “There is no reason to believe that Groucho actually said this. It appeared in the Usenet news group net.jokes, 9 July 1982.” I first came across this line in a book by Ogden Nash, so I always attributed it to him. However, oddly enough it has traced to a quotation of an early researcher in artificial intelligence in 1966. Anthony Oettinger, who was trying to get a computer to manipulate the English language. quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/04/time-flies-arrow/

[@georgealderson4424]

@@oneton7292 Apparently many of the quotes attributed to Sir Winston Churchill are erroneous which perhaps suggests that when celebrities say "I never said...." they are stating fact or maybe it was someone else who said "I never said..." At that rate we will never know who said anything!

[@Jeff_Lichtman]

Henderson: You live here all alone? Groucho: Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit. Henderson: Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four. Groucho: That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing.

[@christopherbartko6042]

That whole scene is great- always makes me crack up

[@victormelendez1074]

He was unmatched in his wit and delivery. He would crush nearly every comic out there.....

[@anthonylees9029]

Clever and very quick-witted . A comedy genius . Probably the original wise-cracking comedian. I heard these jokes 40 years ago and he still makes me laugh !

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

Julius had great writers, but it was his delivery, hyper-fast wit and above all mastery of timing that made these gags immortal. A legend, and an epic...EPIC....troll. *Groucho Marx 1890-1977*

[@Cluv22]

9 dollars and 40 cents? This is an outrage! If i was you, i wouldn't pay it! Lmao! Classic!

[@kingzach74]

If he was outraged with $9.40, imagine how he would react to the prices of food at restaurants today.

[@creaketh]

$9 was around $160 nowadays looool It's old, but gold!

[@stephensylvester2006]

Cluv22 my favorite of all of Groucho's cracks. I still use this with my wife

[@tolkienfan4815]

👍

[@larryhovekamp4318]

That's current US economics in a nut shell!

[@briancoffey4581]

I recall seeing a "You Bet Your Life" outtake where one of the contestants was a felt salesman and was extolling the benefits of the material, declaring "America runs on felt". Groucho replied "Most women I know are felt, then run".

[@Deedee-ee1sg]

That drink sketch with the waiter is fkng genius! Used to love watching The Marx Brothers with my mum many years ago, we would both have tears rolling down our faces , laughing so much at the ridiculous jokes

[@Your.Uncle.AngMoh]

“Ah, Lulubelle, I didn’t recognise you standing up.” From ‘Go West’. “Women are like pianos; when they’re not upright, they’re grand.

[@andrewvincitore6220]

Benny Hill actually.

[@monkeymouse]

They left out one of my favorites: "This insurance policy will provide for your old age, which should be here in two weeks if I'm any judge of horse flesh."

[@cards0486]

I became so obsessed with The Marx Brothers when I was in college, early 70s. It never left me. They were/are the best.

[@fabfrith]

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. " G.M.

[@Broonzied]

'I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove.......only I can't see the stove'. Brilliant!

[@ronlevovitz7088]

"Here's one I picked up in a dance hall." (He does a little dance step, then Margaret Dumont enters the picture) "Here's another one I picked up in a dance hall."

[@margotbronski6847]

Margaret Dumont was such a great straight woman.

[@thomascampbell5633]

@@no-one-in-particular LOL, sounds about right!

[@kimberlytaylor5886]

I was born in 1968 and just LOVE watching him. Pure genius!

[@SaabSurpemacy]

Sadly there’s no comedy like this anymore. Truly the PEAK of comedy!

[@dreaminginnoother]

oh man. I loved the marx brothers as a kid, but now I know how funny this guy really was.

[@carlpen850]

@ dreaming etc... that's just it about the Marx Bro's... they appeal to our inner child no matter what the age or level of understanding. I see old sit-com re-runs that I remember laughing at when I was 8 and going boy was that ever stupid but it was done on the level of an 8 to 10 year old and nothing more. Where as the marx bro's are timeless.

[@jamesanthony8438]

The slapstick appeals to us as kids but the innuendos drag us back after we've grown. :)

[@jeffw1267]

The best thing I read about Groucho was a story about his chronic insomnia. The insomnia itself wasn't funny. But because he couldn't sleep, he needed ways to pass the time. So he'd call up his friends and insult them.

[@rustyrelicsfarm2406]

jeffw1267 He would also drink beer and watch mobies with Alice Cooper.

[@raddguy1]

He said whenever he had insomnia he'd sleep it off.

[@MiTmite9]

And I read once that someone recommended pine oil in a hot bath, telling him that would relax him so he could sleep. He said it worked great: "I almost drowned."

[@ntcrwler]

Unbelievable! The wit, the intelligence, the humor! There is no one like that alive today!

[@TFABMN]

Coming from a necrophile, you should be grateful

[@jlid1]

That was the best 6 and a half minutes I ever spent on here!!

[@grouchomarx7703]

The Marx Brothers have saved me from committing suicide. May they live forever! I'm a MARXIST for all eternity!

[@lite4919]

Comedy and laughter ARE the best medicine

[@Kit_Bear]

I'm so sorry to hear that, keep trying.

[@Avidcomp]

Oh I see, so that's Marxism, well that's not so bad. I guess Lennon must have penned the words to the songs that Harpo never sang.

[@psymon777]

Aw that's too bad, you should have stuck with it if you were committed.

[@neilrhind407]

"je suis marxiste, tendance groucho"

[@mhoover]

His best insult...how much would you take to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

[@stanleycrim]

Ya suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

[@davidharrison6615]

bighoov1 i am getting that on a tee shirt for when i do archery with the wife !!! Thanks lol .

[@amongstthepigeons1020]

I would never join a club that would have me as a member

[@vinnynj78]

@@Lee-Darin I've used that one!

[@coasternut3091]

How much would it take to get you to walk into an open manhole

[@davidekstrand8544]

“I welcome you with open arms!” “Is that so. HOW LATE DO YOU STAY OPEN?” 🤣

[@freeguy77]

I think that is one of the funniest and most honest lines ever said to a woman! Miss Dumont was absolutely perfect in her representation of a woman pursued by a man, who refuses to take 'no' for an answer!

[@patearly9492]

Fantastic glimpse into entertainment of the past. Thank you for sharing and God bless everyone

[@Phaota]

Absolutely love the Marx Brothers. Have all of their films on DVD and Blu-ray. The films might be dated, but the comedy will never be outdone.

[@OlympicLeprechaun]

Groucho had the best delivery of any comic I have ever seen.

[@lemmythebulldog8812]

“You see this?💵” “Come back in a half hour with another drink and I’ll give you another look at it”