Buddhist Parents: Expectations and Finding a Purpose in Life

Finding a path in life is a tall order for anyone. But when you’re the son of a Buddhist monk, discovering your purpose can seem even more daunting. In her short documentary Sit, Yoko Okumura tells the story of her father, the Japanese Sōtō Zen priest Shohaku Okumura, and her brother, Masaki, who lives at home and struggles to find the motivation to go out in the world and seek a place for himself.
“Birds need to fly in order to figure out what the sky is like … We human beings need to do something in order to find [out] what this world is like,” says Shohaku in the film. Though in many ways their values align-the monk admires his son for his lack of concern for money and material possessions-Shohaku believes it’s important for Masaki to find work that he is passionate about in order to live independently in the world.
"Sit" was directed by Yoko Okumura (www.yokookumura.com). It is part of The Atlantic Selects, an online showcase of short documentaries from independent creators, curated by The Atlantic.
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[@rpcalee]

Fyi Googled and found that Masaki graduated in March of 2017 from his culinary school in Japan, where he was also working part-time in a restaurant kitchen. Go Masaki!

[@skgixnrl5158]

Nice to know, thanks!

[@anoridinaryhumanbeing70]

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how honest and admitting each member of this family is . ❤️🙏❤️ That's sooo Zen.

[@salvadormartinez9320]

Parenting is hard, for everyone. So much pressure. So much love. I study and practice Zen in SF. I have an 8 year old son. I just want him to feel good about himself and be compassionate. Parenting, the hardest work ever, but the most rewarding. 🙏🏽

[@IanTranSend]

There's a gentle triumph to this film that I love, especially coming from a context where a prevailing thread for Buddhism comes from just being present with what's there it's such a pleasant surprise when we learn Masaki goes to culinary school in Japan. Thank you Yoko and the entire crew (great cinematography work and visual storytelling along the way too) for making this film and to whomever's on the Atlantic staff that had a hand in bringing this film to a wider audience.

[@davidcho2007]

Not tiger parents, more like panda parents. haha. but, this guy will still end up fine I'm sure. finding purpose and meaning in life....is everyone's challenge. he's just being honest about it

[@thesmartonepoint0]

It's kind of interesting how our specific circumstances repeat themselves everywhere albeit with different people and customs

[@aluisious]

It's almost like we're all just people.

[@nastynas373]

Buddha teaches that specific circumstances repeat themselves with different incarnations too. Each time you reincarnate, you have the same kind of friends, same weaknesses, same strengths, etc. Everything keeps coming back around.

[@AugustDavinDeepson]

Basic layman. Outsiders. NPCs. Civilians. Call them what you want but everyone looks and acts the same to me lol

[@TeddehSpaghetti]

6:30 As a 'Buddhist Parent' I know how this is. Bringing a passive, open and relatively child-like mind to the table in raising a child is both rewarding and challenging. I know I have to push her to desire and aspire to a future, whatever that may be for her. But blind desirelessness can be such bliss.

[@sidhantsharma9961]

@Whizper2me He seemed terrified and depressed to you because that's how you perceived his reality. Also, it's not evading reality, it's seeing reality as is. Evading reality is what we do with our 9-5 jobs and the chase behind materialistic things.

[@MysticFiddler1]

This is an important video. How to work with lack of desire as a positive thing in a world based on desire, which you eschew. A dilemma on the path all experience sometime.

[@plusfuture]

This documentary is so sweet, she really loves her brother

[@mOnika-pt6vk]

Masaki! I hope you have found your happy place in this world. 🧡

[@mereunetulburat8022]

Hats off to all in this family! This is a WONDERFUL, a role model family! Actually, Masaki's path - in life - took shape slowly but naturally from the depths of his own beeing, and not as a result of an external pressure or fierce competition as usually happens in our world. I wish my father was like Shohaku Okumura, insted of being that violent and extremely aggressive man he was; I wish I had a sister like Yoko... Gratitude and many, many Thanks!

[@ClintEPereira]

That last second or two of footage was both funny and haunting.

[@SPCEMN3]

Yeah, a serious wtf moment.

[@Sasquatch10]

how so?

[@FunwithCFS]

Right?? A bird needs to fly to find out what the sky is like, a fish needs to swim to find out what the ocean is like. Here, I cooked you bird and fish, did I get it right dad?

[@TruthSeeker310]

@@FunwithCFS lol 😂

[@CloudVirtue]

Thanks, I missed that; if I played the last second I'd had realized it wasn't an ad 😌

[@pking4444]

Wholesome. Interesting what the Buddhism practice added to parental relationship. Yet his sister seems to be quite energetic/outgoing, good job helping him. First steps doing something are always mentally daunting and the million after are mental perseverance. I'll tell you after what happens after a million but until then its important to enjoy everything you can. btw my feet hurt but when i pause kick them back with a cool drink was all worth it.

[@sebastiank9175]

I really appreciate how japanese Zen Buddhism allow some monks to have a wife and lead a normal family life and spiritual in harmony. with the increasing numbers of sexual assault happening in buddhism, maybe having a wife openly and legally this is the way to go. this is a light hearted documentary but yet deep profound and very spiritual.

[@shawnhampton8503]

I hope Masaki is well and thriving. I am so happy for him. I am a big admirer of his father and have to say his parents gave him such loving space and freedom.

[@Think_Before_you_Speak-bz4bw]

What a great father to have

[@TheIndigodog]

Way to go Masaki!

[@diane9247]

Good for Masaki!

[@roger_isaksson]

They’re all adorable. Lazy but adorable. 🤣👍👍

[@etwothec]

beautiful little doc

[@amandagriffith3108]

Absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing this!

[@LOVE-lg6yd]

u are blessed in a way ,,you are gifted,,embrace what u are good at,,,n shine from there.

[@davidrivers2734]

Profoundly moving and deeply inspirational.

[@changgyong]

I don't think there is such a thing as a Buddhist parent. A parent is just a parent. Also, it may be useful for people to know in relation to this family story that being withdrown from the society is a common problem in Japan. There is even a special expresson or term that is used for such people in Japan. To understand this issue people need to undetstand Japanese society more. Otherwise it may be hard to have a fairly correct understanding on this situation, I believe. These people are very brave and pure to speak openly about their problem. Especially that they are not living in the cultural environment where they were born. They deserve great respect. ❤️📿🙏

[@buddhism-lr1yt]

A parent that is a buddhist is a buddhist parent. What's the issue? A buddhist will instill buddhist principles whereas a non-buddhist parent may have different principles. For example, a protestant Christian parent (allow me a generalisation), may try to indoctrinate an ambitious work ethic. As you saw in the video, the father seems to have no interest in "forcing" anything, he rather just let the kid flourish in whatever direction he finds. The son even stated he wished his father pushed him more. His equanimity and not acting from a place of desire is very "buddhist". This added label is a convention, and just adds information to reality as I described. I don't think it undervalues any other non-buddhist parents. Its just a nuanced view and that's what the documentary was about. Nobody is saying any type of parents are better or worse. But no doubt that they are different. Also, I don't think the son was a case of Hikikomori, this is different, it's about buddhist parenting, fundamentally based on love and non-attachment, the non-attachment part is what makes buddhist parent different I think. It's an alien idea to non-buddhists. Anyway, he's thriving now! A flower takes time to blossom, and rushing it won't help, maybe the Zen master is onto something.

[@Heisthelostman]

What a wonderful story shared in this video. :D

[@jasminerogers5756]

I need to watch

[@johnvaughter1513]

We all want what we don't have. The grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. This is what propels us into action. It moves society along. We just need to find happiness in the moment. Always something to be grateful for.

[@johnvaughter1513]

I wish I was more of a doer than a over thinker.

[@MrJellyton]

beautiful documentary(as always), beautiful family.

[@MartinJutras]

Great movie, arigato.

[@zuperezgame707]

He is still young. Most of man get his Porpouse in life at age 30. Even age 36. Dont give up.

[@whellockroad]

I am almost 75, and I continue to discover. No longer, I think, do we make a decision and spend a lifetime stuck in that decision. I have had many mini-careers and hope to have a few more before I pass on the fire.

[@susanmaguire9009]

Good choice

[@talesoffay2164]

The Atlantic always giving quality content and satisfying videos to watch

[@nhungtran-uo2ud]

I think I understand now the reason Buddha chose a chastity life. 🙏🙏🙏🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

[@buddhism-lr1yt]

Care to share your understanding?

[@acatinny]

At the end of this video, I was happy to see their son could move out of their home. Otherwise, he would turn out to be a Hikikomori, and it would be very sad & shame that a monks son becomes the one.

[@TeddehSpaghetti]

Attachment is suffering; and Hikikomori is a perfectly valid life experience.

[@lisaguo7734]

@@TeddehSpaghetti disagree

[@TeddehSpaghetti]

@JimboParadox Not really.

[@CloudVirtue]

@@TeddehSpaghetti Sorry, your sentence structure confused me. I think specifically, your use of a semi-colon with, "and." Are you saying Hikikomori isn't attachment? Every life experience is valid, yet not without context. Leeching off your parent(s) in such a way, invalidates their life. Maybe it's semantics so please expand (if it's not bothersome) on what you mean by, "perfectly valid."

[@TeddehSpaghetti]

@@CloudVirtue Hikikomori is certainly attachment www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2019/06/01/lifestyle/prison-inside-japans-hikikomori-lack-relationships-not-physical-spaces/

[@darkjabz]

Just live.

[@thinkabout288]

if we are truly given choices we will make the right ones not all the time as we must learn through failure however we WILL LEARN either here or THERE ☮

[@aluisious]

No buddy. There's a lot of truly shitty people out there, and it's not because they weren't hugged enough.

[@thinkabout288]

@@aluisious we can either go towards the darkness or towards the light i have been where you are now it will take time and a desire for true love all the best my friend

[@pasisovi]

Thank you for this great film! This makes me think a lot about myself and a son on similar condition, although I am not a monk, I am deeply interested in Buddhism too. What makes me raise questions like, how fair is to bring a child to the world. Is it about a selfish sexual desire? What about the unavoidable suffering I am creating to this creature? So this child will either be a materialist, or Buddhist, or... just to satisfy my hormonal desire?

[@radioguy3193]

☺️🙇🏼

[@privatethor724]

Parents that don’t talk to there kids are not preparing them for the outside world where communication is a vital part of society and interpreting all the b.s. correctly

[@klausb.7410]

🙏☝🌝🙏

[@hayabusa4061]

This is tripping me out

[@XSpImmaLion]

I too want to search for a future in Japan. No, that's not right. I too- bird, fish

[@JediNinja]

:)

[@Liuhuayue]

6:09 Wait... so they have no expectations? That's the opposite of most Asians, I would think.

[@changgyong]

In this regard Japan may be different from other Asian countries. Confucianism had much less effect in J. than for example in China or South Korea.

[@Liuhuayue]

@@changgyong He has a special exception, though. He is the child of a Buddhist monk. That doesn't apply to most Japanese people, haha.

[@changgyong]

@@Liuhuayue The way Japanese monks are trained is very similar to other kind of training in Japan. In Japan being a priest is similar to other kind of jobs. Monks and priests are also people just like anyone else, I think. Respect your point of view though.

[@Liuhuayue]

@@changgyong If they were just like everyone else, then what would be the point of making this documentary focused on someone descended from a monk? It's unusual.

[@changgyong]

@@Liuhuayue None is just like everyone else, everyone is unique and unusual. In Japan Buddhist monks were told to get married around the Meiji era. Since that time all monks (perhaps better to use the word priest) have kids. Those kids also become socialized the same way as other Japanese children, same educational system and so on. The social phenomena called Hikokomori, or being socially withdrawn is not unusual in Japan, but it is more unusual for Western people. Also it does not exist in other Asian countries. There was a good documentary on Aljazira TV about it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nmLYmayDbMyBa5I You could also just search Hikokomori on youtube, and there are loads of results... You are right though, but if you like check out the Aljazira documentary. I have to admit that I have not seen the whole documentary about the priests family only most of it. I live in Japan now, and otherwise in South Korea, so this environment is not completely unknown to me. Have a nice day!

[@vaughankorede521]

You can't tell me the young man isn't buzz lightyear... Lol. Bee-yoo-ti-ful.

[@SpiralBreeze]

Stop paying that internet bill and I’ll bet he’ll be outta there real quick.

[@LincolnLog]

This is the problem with buddhism. To cultivate the mindset to have no desire, which leads to no goals and ultimately a direction. Buddhism was originally adapted readily by Asian countries because it was similar to one major philosophy: Taoism. Or Daoism if you prefer. Daoism is the practice of developing that inner seed that bids you to grow and expand. At the same time, it is the understanding to appreciate that growth but to not be fooled by the fruits of it, such as materialism, lust, greed, hope, any emotion that leads to the extreme and expectation that life "should be this way". The truth is no one really knows what path you or I should take, it is only that you do choose and to grow from it.

[@ReleaseYourHandbrake]

It's amazing to see people escape the rituals of modern life just to practise the rituals of another life style. No, you have not attained Enlightenment. In fact, you are just moving from one role to another role. Jesus and Buddha both say the same thing: when you stop Role Playing, you start Living.

[@aluisious]

Ugh, I'm roleplaying a wage slave, and I even know it.

[@utubefreshie]

There's nothing wrong with practicing rituals. Rituals provide structure and order and there's freedom in that. It's when you let rituals (whatever it is -- be it religion or work) enslave you is when it's no longer a good thing for you.

[@ObakuZenCenter]

Stop trying to do this here. It's irrelevant, shallow and frankly just annoying.

[@StimParavane]

A shallow understanding of both Jesus and Buddha. Perhaps you should actually do some practice yourself.

[@ReleaseYourHandbrake]

@@StimParavane Please share how you are doing it daily?

[@mvl6827]

So how did this “monk” provide for his wife and children? Or is his wife the breadwinner.. ?

[@zishaan7550]

In another video he said he worked part time 3 or 4 days a week in a factory and was a monk on the other days. He said he broke his body in his 20s doing this work so not sure what happened in his 30s

[@leefroml.a.8679]

This isn't about Buddhism or Buddhist parents. It's about a virtual reality addicted millennial that can't seem to become independent. After he gets trained as a chef from Japan, he comes home to live with his parents again, for the rest of his life. The End.

[@leefroml.a.8679]

@@DM-ks1pj Not all millennials are socially inept snowflakes. Some actually live on their own.

[@ObakuZenCenter]

Except of course that he didn't come to home to live with his parents for ever after training as a chef. How embarrassing that you got so much wrong.

[@buddhism-lr1yt]

Everything okay Lee from L.A.?

[@likenl4508]

Why follow the teachings of Buddhism when God said Behold, this is My Son, listen to Him. A man has little wisdom in what he knows because the Creator is Who gives wisdom. Isaiah 43:10 says Before Me there was no God, neither will there be one after Me. Jesus said No one, not a single soul, goes to God but by Me. You need Jesus to know and have peace with God. Jesus died in the sins of the world and rose from the dead and said I Am the Way the Truth and the Life. Jesus said if you have seen Me, you have seen the Father and not one word that Jesus spoke came from Himself but from the very mouth of God. So why follow false teachings when Jesus said Follow Me.? Jesus is Lord of all the earth and every knee will bow before Him and confess that He is Lord. Seek the Lord Jesus because He came to save sinners like you and me. His love is Greater than all. Turn to the Lord Jesus and confess the True God into your life and walk in Him. For without Jesus, the gates of hell welcome all those who don't have peace with God through Jesus, His Son.

[@Verity888]

😂

[@mvl6827]

“The potential of being a good cook” . .. ha. Lots of “good” cooks are overweight, and so is this son of a preacher-man… Please: eat less exercise more … . Buddhist parents. That’s a joke. A sick one.