Why Can't I Make New Friends? | TDK Podcast

[@carneliansweetness]

I’m only 5mins into the video but I just wanna say that i made friends on reddit sg and met them in person. Actually how we became friends was coincidental. I was at punggol trying to help rescue some abandoned kittens with a friend after work. At 3am i posted on the daily discussion thread and some ppl actually came down to help. We didn’t manage to rescue the kittens and mom as one auntie scared them away deeper into some construction site but the rest of us ended up staying in touch and made a telegram group. We been all friends for 5 over years and on off covid we tried to met. Actually recently we hosted a kbbq and some ppl kena covid so we’re holding off from more at the moment 🤣

[@Fadingfader]

I’ve been backpacking solo for 7 yrs. it’s been the best hobby of my life. The amount of friends you will meet from all around the world, until today we keep in touch, we fly to see each other (ofc we might not see each other every year) but the habit of just constantly backpacking with no agenda, and talking to different people helped me A LOT with this social awkwardness that I honestly feel is a Singaporean thing. My listening skills got better, my responding skills got better. I no longer feel awkward or paiseh. I’m very able to just talk to people now easily even in Singapore.. I have no problem doing things on my own as well, it’s very freeing. And no, contrary to popular belief, my hobby is not dangerous… I think driving to some parts of JB is more dangerous 😂 It takes a lot of self-belief and emotional security to backpack solo, which I slowly built up over the years.. but the great thing is that hostels are now upgrading their facilities to look better than hotels and they organise loads of parties for all the solo travelers to interact. Hostel culture is really the best, everyone comes solo ready to talk. All you need to do is say “hi, where are you from?” And boom.. you can just run with the conversation. Yes it might be repetitive in the beginning but after awhile you can stick to the people you vibe and you feel has substance. No one holds it against you if you leave if you’re not feeling it cos everyone’s solo anyway. in the beginning I was scared too ofc, but I just kept going. Finally, my social circle has been amazing in Singapore. I guess the way i approached socialising when I backpack does seep into every aspect of my life here in Singapore now. I make friends easily, I am really happy with the people I am surrounded with. I do agree with John about evolving too quickly that you move on from your current friend circles.. but to that I say, that shouldn’t stop you from making new friends that can relate to you at the point you are in your life. I evolve but still keep a good relations with them. At the end of the day if they truly care for me and vice versa, we stick around but perhaps don’t meet as often.

[@Kiki-lp6sr]

Sorry but how do you backpack for 7 years? I've always liked solo backpacking but at some point I have to go back home coz yknow.. Life. Have to work and save up again for the next trip. Do you have a side gig or something online that makes the money for you to travel for 7 years?

[@sumit6190p]

@@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS Backpacking solo is addictive.

[@waihanho2779]

Friends keep you in line when you get too full of yourself, hold you up when you are not sure of yourself. I have friends from over 30 years ago. We grew up, moved on, and came back together. I also made friends with people 15 years younger than me. Everyone has a perspective worth considering, and making friends give me a peek into different viewpoints.

[@riiiiin]

I think making friends do involve vulnerability and emotional strength. You have to put yourself out there and be prepared to feel tired

[@oatie4262]

y'all, whenever I watch your videos, it feels as though I am meeting and catching up with friends

[@ezralu2911]

haha aye i got that same vibe too XD lol

[@angiemf9033]

We are a group of teachers from various schools…we catch up every school holidays. We treasure our friendship as we aged cos we realised that our circle of friends is shrinking.

[@Kelvin_c]

Thanks for making this a talking point. Perhaps a different perspective from someone who've not made any close friends for as long as I can remember. One factor to consider is how a person's social life shape up over the course of their lives. In my case for example, my social life has been plagued with bullying and betrayal from individuals whom I've deemed as friends during my formative years. Choosing friends plays an important part and I believe mixing with the wrong crowd should be a cautionary tale for everyone. For someone who experienced these for 2 decades, I did not expect to make any friends late into my 20s and now in my 30s. I personally think it's a blessing if we do cross path with the right people and eventually form a tight knit friendship. IMO, till today I choose to believe that I'm destined to be alone and has shaped my thinking towards it, however the friends I've made later in life are due to their kindness and openness which I've very much appreciate and reciprocated.

[@meluvcats]

I feel u... I, too, was scarred by toxic friends whom I've known for at least 2 decades and I used covid as an excuse to unfriend them. I do not miss them though I miss genuine connection with unpretentious people who are kind and understanding.

[@JohnathanChuaa]

Who's here before completing the video?

[@sohai8618]

trick question

[@andytanSG]

HI SER

[@silvercloud16616]

🙋‍♀️

[@ahkai3302]

Come to think of it, you speak chinese more in sec school. 😂

[@jeremyngpiano]

I have a habit of doing that. 😂

[@Ganesha6661]

Pro tip to talk to someone or cold opening. It is a method used in Sales... When introducing yourself, do not talk about yourself. Just start with a random question like, do you eat prata with curry or sugar. You will throw the person off and the replies will be more truthful and engaging... From asking indirect questions, you can gather information of them like age, location, interest and more. Ask their name randomly in between..

[@myatthant8797]

Jon paul and denise becoming best of friends at this point

[@huangleefamily]

18:40 really hit hard. I think it is sad that because of the "competing phrase", friendships fall apart. One thing I realise is that it is not us being privileged but rather should everyone's goals in life head in the same direction? Should everyone get a house, be married and have kids as the goal? Should your earnings always be used as a benchmark for happiness and success? But agree with you. Someone also told me I would meet the right group of friends walking the same path for me to open up better.

[@LifeHacksProducts]

30:00 - Exactly. I am single for 4 years already but it helped to have a great bunch of friends la. If alone I cant imagine. The repeats in trying to introduce really get sian after awhile.

[@Bu5es]

I realise something about making friends, the first time you meet someone in real life...that someone is less likely to ghost you or forget about your existence when you do initiate something later on. This will also apply to you if someone wants to be friends and meetup with you. However being behind a online persona, its very easy because your mind is not able to associate words like names to a visual. You can learn this from dealing on carousell, as a buyer and seller myself. I find it common that if i have anything that i would like to see, more often than not ill be asking if any of my previous meetups want the item first before actually setting up a listing.

[@tanjinwei511]

Totally just thought to myself why i do not have any friends and i regret not making more when i was younger.

[@tanjinwei511]

But for reals thou, i feel that john would be a great friend. At least for me. So genuine, knowledgeable, sense of humor. would be a pleasure to know him personally. #nohomo

[@HANNIHYEIN]

jeff ng saga video next pls ☺️

[@xuele94]

It's so true tat overtime we just dont have as much time to make friends anymore. Though i am still trying, doesnt seem much pleasant response. I can be seen as a social butterfly but also secretly feels like a introvert when im just too tired to want to communicate and just sink in my own whole. Looking at my socials it might be as if i have alot of friends, but honestly i have lost close friend(s) or mayb ppl that i am attracted to be close friends with just dont feel the same. I have begin to accept that its ok to be alone. Actually it does feel free-er doing things alone. It could be more time efficient as you are going places only you are interested in and do not need to split the focus in considerations of the person you are out with. I trained myself to eat alone through working PT that requires staggered lunch time. I think it has rlly become the norm to be alone and everyone just seems or is actually just too busy to fit in to your schedule when u need them. It's like u r too busy to plan ahead but only planning ahead gets u time w the frens u want to hang out with. During times u just rlly need to get things done n looking for extra motivation, just looking for a company but i could barely find anyone. So face it, we can never fully rely on anyone but urself. I would like to think that the friends that i would like to keep are either just too popular or successful in life to have them when i needed them on a adhoc basis. Or i just need to work on myself more in attracting the right ppl in my life. I might have been lacking some qualities or attractivenees. 😅

[@priscilla2398]

My hubby have a group of 6 buddies he knew since primary school and their chat group is super super active. They even have sub groups from the same clique but with different interest. Mind blown moment for me because I no longer keep in contact with my primary school friends. And they try to meet up every weekend in Malaysia and can chat for 6-7 hours whenever they meet, just talking nonsense. I find it so intriguing whenever I join them.

[@thecauseforchrist7133]

The walk that was mentioned is the Camino De Santiago, It's a Christian pilgrimage walk traditionally done from St Jean Pied De Port (France) to the Santiago de Compostela (Spain) covering a distance of about 700+ km. Today there are various other routes that one may consider to undertake, varying in starting points and distance. It is a spiritual journey everyone can undertake, discovery more about oneself and grow closer to God, make acquaintances and friends along the way.. Of course, don't jump in the full 700km route without any preperation/training.

[@Kiki-lp6sr]

I don't have alot of friends. I do want more friends but I like the comfort of my own bed. Like I do wanna make many more friends it's just the small talks are so draining. All that effort and you might never see each other again. Same as dating. It's just too much work..

[@rebeccakwek6933]

I always watch TDK podcast when doing cardio in the gym and doing my housework. It’s so interesting haha and keeps me going 😂😅

[@Ganesha6661]

You guys should create a Discord and we can join there...

[@narumenthero]

I went through the phase of leaving my original clique of friends, cause I find the other side more enticing. My clique is quite reserved, while I enjoy the clubbing scene. Even though I left my original clique, I maintain contact with them (no longer close like before). Leaving the clique frees me of the feeling of obligation to commit time to them.

[@rdu239]

Pandemic really messed up the social scene, traditionally you get to know new people from school, workplace, friends of friends, friends of parents and friends of relatives. Meeting strangers away from the social circle means involves you going on social conventions or events like speed dating held at malls or hobbies such food and drinks events at bars. Even in 2022 such wholesome social events stopped and thus people are unable to establish social life the alternative way

[@Lala_lalacllll]

omg wise words by John regarding being lonely part.

[@samuelCWM]

“When I was younger” nice save Dan

[@CapDingo1975]

Thats interesting. Someone randomly contacted me from Sydney saying that he is looking for friends. He is 25. On the topic of keeping up with friends from the past, JP is correct. Talking about the past all the time about the same things is boring. What you need to do is to create NEW SHARED EXPERIENCES with the old buddies group. Thats the way to keep the old boys group going - saying from experience.

[@farrhanng]

I made a lot of friends and grew the community in sgForums and GameFAQs. Nowadays it's Twitch, Discord and Instagram. There's not a lot of retention in these fast friends to be honest when I look back. That's why I do not place too much weight in "community" because people have different stages and goals in life. Cherish the moment. Being the glue and bringing people together / planning is tiring.

[@jfatsnorlax]

Aight. Making friends thread here. No creeps. Male, 30, spends most of my disposable income on food. Sings K sometimes.

[@jeremyngpiano]

Are you a food connoisseur? 😀

[@Rem-ht4ct]

I am incredibly particular of who I let into my friend circle :') and when I find someone that I feel like is going to be a great friend, I'll pursue that friendship with everything I got. The bad thing about this is that I lose a lot of potential friends because of the selection criteria, which is why I am trying to change that and meet as many people as possible, not based only on "feelings" lmao. It's also important to admit that sometimes not being able to get friends is a YOU problem, once you are able to admit it. You will address the problem and find a potential solution :l

[@misterkelkel3556]

Woah this 10% 90% thingy!

[@ChirpyChat]

@14.35 @Johnathan Chua on point!

[@elilo5867]

The new 'friends' i always meet are : 1. Insurance agents 2. MLM sales person 3. Mormons

[@JuzNicky]

Friends ! b4 the MBTI there was the Friends. You are Ross you are Chandler oh yes the clubbing days of social ASL fun times good old days. Its very tiring to make friends now. but then I prefer the HTHT type of friends rather than interest. Or we could not say a word and just enjoy each other's company in real time doing our own stuff. rather do each other's activity if not we would be just talking about the same thing every time we meet ( some ML type of people i know ) don't have any clique but was close to various peeps so they pulled me into their group so floated here n there. basically church types so i dont need to commit time just keep to church stuff.

[@KimiLovesYouxoxo]

weird problem, but my bf doesn’t have friends. he’s just so comfortable being alone and has such a low social meter that he feels like he doesn’t need friends - so he always flakes out on people that are interested to pursue a friendship. Oh and he has social anxiety and likes fairly obscure things that most people don’t know about. But I think he should have friends leh!!! For perspective & personal development. How like this? Pls advise lmao 😔

[@junxian3014]

Probably tackle the social anxiety thing first since that seems to be posing quite a big hurdle.

[@kryptonitewang606]

oh man.. I don't have any zoom session during covid too >.

[@LeakyBucketsg]

does TDK have a discord channel?

[@itzSoonz]

its true peple come and go :(

[@kcsky5589]

How can you help?

[@ignatiusparadenceremony9242]

Should do. Topic on ADHD

[@ysh8]

Hi five Denise! I bottle things up too🥹

[@raphaeltan8824]

Relatable

[@frugswit5161]

24, yes, yishun

[@jessicaw2472]

How many beverages does JP need? haha

[@hellfire91]

waiting for jeff ng video

[@Lee_Kin]

Algooooo

[@chensoonteo]

Why can’t you eat alone John? Are you afraid of being judged? If you see others eating alone do you judge them (it doesn’t seem that you do)? Anyway I actually prefer eating alone to eating with other ppl I don’t care about - can’t stand sustaining meaningless convo.

[@Josh-hs5hp]

Why is Jeff Ng so infamous

[@andytanSG]

Nice

[@namesr4noobs396]

first again?

[@teomengyew]

1st

[@tanchormay6447]

I hate that people go on the bumble app for relationships and say “im just looking for friends” to start situationships 🥲

[@benwong2061]

Algooooo