THIS Is Why MARRIAGE Is Slowly DYING... | The Divorce Expert James Sexton

[@TheDiaryOfACEOClips]

📺 Watch the full episode here - kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y36qqpyni8-Xgas

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

..Perfect marriages or relationships don't really exist; each one is special. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years back, my wife and I were close to getting divorced because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to make things right. It was hard, but we got through it.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I truly understand the importance of your words, and I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I'm thankful for this guidance. I'll immediately start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

You should... I promise you will not regret it.

[@Evie-e3h]

James is one of the best to listen to about marriage…two commandments out of ten are don’t commit adultery, don’t covet your neighbors wife/partner. He’s so right on this. Nothing. Absolutely nothing can build trust after failure to be faithful to your person….like if you can’t be faithful, at least give your partner the bare minimum respect to know you can’t be loyal and let them leave with their dignity in tact before you’re out with whoever wherever. Marriage is being in someone’s corner for them in life, not screwing them over.

[@matthewdolman]

My understanding of marriage is a profound promise that you make to another person, that no matter what happens they have your back and will fight your corner, and vice versa. If that promise is stuck to by both sides then it is a thing of beauty.

[@noodles9749]

Absolutely, my husband and I were together 18 years, 2 kids and we married just last christmas as life kids, home all took over, we finally wanted to say after everything we have been through we will always be together. Our relationship has never been better, it's so sad that people don't get to experience the true meaning of being married.

[@miamihurricaner5911]

It’s all about whether you take the vows you take seriously. 25 years on Wednesday. Can’t believe how fast the time has gone. 2 kids and 3 lifetimes worth of experiences together.

[@natalierivera5997]

I agree but when it goes wrong at least the marriage certificate helps with spousal rights in division of property and child custody rights, otherwise it’s a free for all fight where the individual with the most funds wins.

[@nicomirinda]

You need to get marry for that? 🤔 It is just a contract.

[@matthewdolman]

@@nicomirinda no it isn't

[@LightningStrikes66]

While capitalism has marketed marriage purely as an emotional venture, it has a very practical purpose, as a microcosm of the macrocosm. A launching pad for future generations, as marriage is the building block of family, and family is the building block further up the progression ladder to building a society.

[@JJ-jo3rl]

Wow! After listening to this, I have to say “spot on” We may not like it or agree but if we look deep inside and are truthful to ourselves, we’re still animals with egos; and through the aging process (for some) sex becomes less of an issue and companionship is worth more than GOLD. Life is a process and a journey. Be honest and choose wisely you’ll wind up with less regret.

[@bossblaque864]

Healed healthy people should marry. Everyone else should stay single.

[@vatop1304]

this sounds like something who hasn't healed would say. Enjoy single life, if not sorry for the person who you are with.

[@_Safety_Third_]

Nobody would get married if they took your advice

[@Don_Thomas_]

Bro was cookin!! A lot of valid points were made.

[@drakewinwest9888]

I’m happily married and think it’s the ideal formation for child raising , but if I was to divorce I would for sure not re-marry.

[@angeleye8953]

Why?

[@Ydll520]

This is outstandingly true. We are so conditioned to believe the hype of marriage. I think the true test of ‘love’ and commitment is non government intervention relationship..

[@ballen8905]

I believe marriage is about the children and the community. It's supposed to be about the larger good, but I can see why someone would think of it from a pop culture lens.

[@digdogdennis]

I would rather be alone and lonely then married and angry

[@matthewdolman]

@@digdogdennis I'd rather be married and happy than alone and lonely

[@digdogdennis]

@@matthewdolman you give up what you want I don't make concessions with anyone

[@matthewdolman]

@@digdogdennis and I wish you a lifetime of happiness (even if it is in a state of perpetual loneliness)

[@JD-lv9vu]

To sum up: Making conscious choices is the key

[@rutapetrylaite7862]

I really enjoy the changes in lighting choices. Less intense light and a soft shadow on one side gives a sense of higher intimacy and a vibe of a documentary interview rather than a video podcast.

[@TheCebulon]

I love this man! Had to laugh out loud when he asked „Why?“. I ask that question also and people look like car headlights.

[@nichollebraspennickx943]

This guy never disappoints… excellent speaker and thinker….

[@blissful4trees]

Wonderful! Some clarity at last! The responsibility is on us. How about deep friendships without the government contracts ❤❤❤🎉❤❤❤

[@jedilady4485]

Marriage is a symbol of marrying money and business transactions! We criticise China or India for arranged marriage without love, but still people from other countries, even arrange themselves to marry a man or woman with money or a family with money!!!

[@yonikki]

Yes ... marriage is literally a business contract. The government sees it that way, and so does the legal system. No thank you! 😂 I'll stay happy in my undocumented relationship. I'm a paralegal and officiated my brother's wedding last year ... it's literally just binding paperwork filed with the state.

[@GBU61]

Marriage was to keep the wealthy rich by only considering others of similar financial backgrounds. Arranged marriages are an example of this. Actually it makes a lot of sense considering from a historical standpoint marriage had nothing to do with romance.

[@brendacoronalinderman1983]

Marriage doesn’t do the work, it doesn’t make it easier, it shouldn’t mean you that you can relax and do nothing else.

[@YaBasicMillenial]

My partner is in jail (not sentenced) it’s been 18 months on remand. and it’s been almost impossible to help sort his affairs because we aren’t married.

[@gottafly30]

Great points. "What problem does marriage solve?"

[@IngoHarzheim-f9q]

I met quite some lawyers in my lifetime but his mindset is the best 😊

[@eric6242]

Wow this dude literally just changed my perception of my marriage . I really have it good lol

[@karlad4082]

I’m 50 and happily single, but this is exactly why my favorite couple has always been Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn 🥳🥰

[@lisao6928]

That's sad.

[@olivia_olona]

Love hearing to this, he makes so much sense.. & love the honesty

[@Jdiggler100]

Marriage is the best thing I ever done. The commitment adds a richness to life when selecting the right individual for you. There is a vulnerability to it that builds trust. It is also the best way to support and develop a child. I will add what has been best for me will not be best for everyone. This guy has seen a lot do to his carrier so I understand the context in which he speaks.

[@SpenceCurry]

Choose well and carefully. Never settle

[@MarsCamacho]

This was beautifully elegant and articulate

[@anne9134]

From a 62 yr woman, who has been divorced, that was so interesting, and I totally agree! I would love it if my daughter never got married, and just lived with someone, or just lives on her own.

[@richardmori1389]

That is profoundly sad. A sound Christian marriage is a “safe” place for responsibility, commitment, personal growth , help, giving, love, sex, financial security and deep companionship. It does require two people who are both committed to those ends.

[@jakehawkins8669]

Great talk there I’m sure that lawyer has quite a few stories What’s amazing to me is that it sounds like he’s real life situations & versions of Tony Soprano come into his office & talk with him

[@deborahswett3508]

This whole thing has left me crying. It just upsets me.

[@brianbodt3364]

Why, and how so? If you don't mind me asking.

[@lilibethvilella]

Published a book on finding true WHOLENESS after divorce called “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH”

[@jeniferjensen960]

Extraordinary podcast. That is all I can verbalize about it right now.

[@biritsimonsen]

Terrific episode. Entertaining and insightful.

[@bernstock]

After having been married, I couldn't agree more with James.

[@jinka29]

When you believe in nothing, then no rules rule and you end up ruled only by your desires. Which could be enjoyable for you as an individual but will have negative impacts on family and society. I thank God everyday that I'm religious and have a reference to go to to distinguish right and wrong.

[@ermyr7743]

I'm not religious, but the nonchalance when referring to unethical things is so disheartening.

[@chuckkwaske958]

The atheists I know are more loving, less judgmental, and genuinely kinder than most religious people I know. Lord, save me from your followers.

[@jinka29]

@@chuckkwaske958 "Less judgemental", but didnt you just judge all religious people with this statement you made 😅

[@chuckkwaske958]

@@jinka29 Discernment is different from judgement, and I can only speak about the people I’ve met

[@natalian9876]

His opinion is clearly skewed as he works with those who divorce

[@moviesynopsis001]

Yes, which means he has the actual statistics

[@orsolyabende8101]

The best thing is to use your brain and intelligence at all times. Or most times. Because the question is, is it really still worth getting married if you need to take your time purposefully thinking about and collecting ideas and reasons for and against it. I mean if you have a whole pros/cons list written down and/or you feel the necessity to get a bunch of other people's opinions whether or not you need to do it, probably you should NOT go for it at all. I myself am in a 4 years relationship, married for 1.5 years, no doubts ever since. Got married at 41, came as a totally natural decision on a simple September day. Not religious, not because of kids or money, not afraid, not under any pressure. Just happy and even more convinced after.

[@MrChristocentric]

When he said 'legal status' it really is true. If you were married and got divorced, you are simply not married or single. But why you have to put in government papers "DIVORCED" for the rest of your life. That's ridiculous!

[@Clivetinker]

7:50 that’s a cop out. Like with Destiny, it doesn’t fail because it can fail like any monogamous relationship. It’s literally established as someone refusing stability and static partners by its definition. It can’t work long term

[@northsideirish312]

My parents have five divorces between them, trust me what I witnessed is proof that I will NOT make the same massive mistake they did. Stupid decision leads to stupid consequence. I'll enjoy a lonely freedom and keep my loot rather than endure a bitter divorce where she takes half or everything. Better to suffer the paid consultation of this lawyer BEFORE rather than after you discover how stupid you were.

[@nkk3997]

Lonely Freedom....what an accurate description....love it!!!

[@blacklearner27]

The value of marriage can be seen in the pain of divorce.

[@chuckdaniel817]

In what way? I do not grok your comment.

[@FarEastAlpaca]

This comment section proves that our human brain is not able to process statistics or understand it intuitively. If you watch the whole episode, he is giving us his rare perspective and in the most empathetic way possible that marriage does simply not lead to happiness. It's full of pain in reality but as an idealistic life goal, it's still worth trying because being able to feel these pains is also what gives life meaning. Never once did he say marriage is bad so you shouldn't do it. He's saying you should use your brain, approach marriage with a rational attitude, and separate love and marriage. Love is praiseworthy. Commitment is noble. Marriage is a social construct.

[@Rawmel84]

I agree love and relationships are two different things . You can love something or someone any not have a relationship with them and have relationships with things and people you don’t love . People crazy hahah !

[@ku.S]

Marriage is complete adjustment,if two people are willing to do that.. when life throws wierdest ups and downs at people and they tide over it together it makes life beautiful,Yes get married but have the depth to adjust and do so if both have100% commitment...coz its not easy(love will develop eventually)

[@silvief1]

We need to understand that when he says "a lot of people" we talk about out of "333 mil in the US".

[@ShroomsUnited]

That guy feels much pissed off and irritated, lol. Chill bro.

[@InimitaPaul]

I’ll get married if the laws are changed, otherwise it’s lose/lose. Never sign a contract where one of the parties is incentivised to break it and depending on the laws in your country never move in with your partner, in the UK you become married in common law after two years and you sign the contract by default.

[@Mahalah_]

An unmarried couple can never be 'common law married' because common law marriage or common law spouses no longer exist in UK law and haven’t done since 1753! It is a popular myth that couples are 'common law married' if they have lived together for a certain number of years, but this is not the case. Unmarried couples do not have the same rights nor claims as married couples in the UK. Even if you live together for 30 years you would not be a beneficiary unless stated specifically in a will, and there is certainly no claim/provision on separation other than if you have children.

[@InimitaPaul]

@@Mahalah_ Maybe AI is hallucinating then because I looked it up before posting to make sure of what I was saying and it says it still exists and it gave me a ish load of salient information and it was sourced from government and legal websites.

[@InimitaPaul]

@@Mahalah_ Do some research with AI mate, I did before I posted and you’re incorrect.

[@nonowayjose9159]

So in UK, never move in together...

[@InimitaPaul]

@@nonowayjose9159 You can, you can even get married if you spend 5+ years getting to know one another. The key is to get to know one another’s families to ensure you both come from stable backgrounds, both parents still married having a healthy relationship with the person you’re looking to spend the rest of your life with. If you had a stable upbringing don’t even think about a relationship with someone who didn’t, unless they’re of high emotional and intellectual intelligence their chaos will become your chaos.

[@erikriggiola6780]

Mt partner and I have been together for 25 years. Marriage barely ever came up. Only to agree to completey omit it from our lives. Everyone's opinions and criticism be damned. It's still hard. It's still painful. But we are happy and proud to still be together.

[@thamsanqasibanda6376]

“What problem do I have to which marriage is the solution?” 🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@storymode9085]

only 15%??? something is amiss here... Also, only 608k subs is also weird... keep at it.. this will be a top serious channel. Great Job

[@2ndChanceAtLife]

🩵🩵🩵 The ideal situation for my level of independence is to have him live next door.

[@dallasalmeida6392]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@wendygiardino1184]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@CatValentineMusic]

Yes! This! I don't want to sleep with a guy all night every night! And I hate TV, so this could work!

[@chuckdaniel817]

I have a friend who has this arrangement. Living in 2 side by side houses on the same property. It worked well for them.

[@moviesynopsis001]

As a happily married man I completely agree with everything he says about the children. But if I ever get divorced you would have to cut off all of my limbs to ever get me to marry again.

[@annacronan8994]

😂

[@mr.bread3circus]

This was GREAT! I say this ALL THE TIME(ALL OF IT).... to my wife, even, lol. 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@annabanzon313]

I think we can all conclude that marriage is not something we need to rush or obsess over. I would add maybe stop judging people especially single parents. I married desperately, because I had faced so much hypocritical judgment when I was a young single mom in college.

[@SeanFranx]

This dude is truth telling...

[@LostOneTrades]

This dude is wrong. He is the epitome of our society. I am not religious. I’m 40 and been married 20 years. Let’s hear his personal track record in relationships….

[@user540000]

lol he literally has the statistics on his side. just because you didnt get divorced doesnt mean 60% of people didnt

[@moviesynopsis001]

Whoosh

[@josephsantangelo2801]

He admits he’s been divorced and his ex is a very good friend now.

[@petersouthernboy6327]

OP, Google the Divorce statistics.

[@FinFiverr]

Love this guy!

[@howardboyd7764]

Never sign (contracts) legal, binding and enforceable with someone who has a financial incentive, reward for betraying you. Cash and prizes are awarded..... Only a fool gives someone that kind of leverage over your life. It's a foolish things to do.....

[@TomRauhe]

It's exclusively for gold diggers. And insecure people. It makes zero sense for normal people.

[@lars1480]

If this is The norm - I understand why relationship is in a Big crisis 😊

[@olololo9224]

Marriage is a sacrament between a man and woman to bring God’s children into the world and to teach them how to save their souls by learning to love God. Faith, dedication, ambivalence, hierarchy and physical intimacy keep it strong. (Bc this guy isn’t religious he is giving out purely worldly info, it takes help from God and living free from mortal sin to keep from the evil of divorce.)

[@DhishanKudwalli-d5g]

How do you even judge if what He is saying is right, is good. It is just a subjective opinion of one person. What he assumes is right, good may be really bad according to someone else. So what is the standard? The standard is what God has revealed to us through His prophets in the collective scriptures what we call the Bible today. What He has revealed is right, is good. Whatever I have said may bounce off your ears or irritate you just as the guest of this podcast was with comments like "Marriage is a covenant that the couple make with God...". I beg that you would turn from your sins and repent before God. Trust in Him. He will give you a new heart, new purpose with new desires, to do His will, to do good, to do what is right. Truly right. God be with you.

[@phyllis9463]

Exactly, there is no moral compass! No right, no wrong. People should be able to do whatever they want, when they want, but why is it everyone agrees that killing a person is wrong? Strange, because according to their ideology, it should be okay because I believe it’s okay! God speaks of this in Proverbs 14:12-13 “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. 13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.” This man seems like he’s carrying a ton of bricks.

[@pranav.shekhar]

I love this guy's mind!

[@wagnersouza4463]

I think that i'ts important to have an official symbol to marriage, for others reasons besides love. Marriage is in crisys for sure, but the "unofficial" relashionships are in way more crisys, because is too much flexible, and the world without marry, sorry, won't going to be better. BUT I do agree on the "asking why" argument. I'm actually think that this huge increase of divorce is because people aren't asking why they're really marring to somoene. He argument of why someone should marry, is totally reasonable.

[@anahipost]

Omg love it! So true!

[@Rawmel84]

Let him cook! 🧑‍🍳 life is short , we should live it intentionally and make choices consciously! Im not for or against marriage ! I think it’s just as beautiful or destructive as we let it be !

[@allanhutton1123]

Catholic school has a lot to answer for.

[@apeck8601]

Absolutely 💯 to that

[@heyrobin]

I don’t disagree with you except on one point; I disagree with the premise that there is a wrong answer when asked “why.”

[@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022]

The Bible discourages marriage (1 Corinthians 7:38). Religions assume that marriage is a requirement because the Bible regulates it and because God performed the first one, however, the first two humans were perfect, marriage was made for them, not for imperfect people (1 Corinthians 7:28). Imperfection causes “tribulations” in marriage. The regulations that the Bible puts on marriage are designed to make it successful despite imperfection. But the Bible does not require it because it say that those who stay single will do better. So people who need to marry for some reason (the Bible mentions *ex as one of those reasons), need to do what they can to protect themselves and their children before marrying, so that if they give up or need to escape, they and their kids don’t end up homeless.

[@redbullgenaro]

It is very hard to cheat when you have an emotional connection...so sorry but ppl may "like" their spouse but if they cheat they do not longer love them..most couples have no deep emotional connection, it is just lust and infatuation

[@livinggood6876]

Narcissists should not marry.

[@TacynMegan]

Why marry ? Tax cuts

[@chuckdaniel817]

I've done an extensive analysis on that. Tax gain or tax penalty depends on you particular financial circumstances. Currently, a high earning and a low earning partner save. Two high earners pay a bit more.

[@woboznz]

He forgot that you only have to live together to be seen as de facto and legally bound in shared assets.... so you can still require a pre nup just for moving in with a new partner! Maybe staying single or living separately is the only system that would work in this guys mind. I dunno, seems like we need more community than that as a species or our social fabric breaks down. Monogamy isnt that bad. Choose your partner wisely is all and dont settle or marry for external validation. Btw im 41 and single for the last 6 years so monogamy sounds pretty nice to me now... Not so much with my ex partner though 6 years ago! Haha

[@wendygiardino1184]

Do people take out some sort of prenup if they dont get married?

[@yonikki]

Pre-nup means prenuptial ... and translates to pre marriage/ pre wedding. So the answer depends on whether they intend to marry and create an outline before that date - the prenup agreement is "activated" upon getting married.

[@xvaleriog]

People with strong inclinations to being self centered should t get married . It requires selflessness and a great commitment to make it work. Mostly men are not neurologically wired for it and any women getting into it should understand that they they will have a domesticated cat that will at least once go out and not be faithful

[@theodosios2615]

Newsflash... Being a divorce lawyer in absolutely NO way makes him an authority on marriage or how to keep one together. He only deals with a very specific and narrow angle of the marriage experience in his profession.

[@user540000]

He actually deals with over 50% of the marriage experience

[@theodosios2615]

@@user540000 That's not what I meant. Even in that 50%, he only deals with the end result, from legal perspective. And he only know what the 2 parties tell him, in their own biased version. He's missing years or decades of context, plus he's not a trained psychologist.

[@kristoff99s]

If you think that being married will make you happier: You probably shouldn’t get married 🤣

[@drakewinwest9888]

Why should you then?

[@sharr630]

I'm not because I know better.

[@kencarey3477]

Marriage made me broke

[@nonowayjose9159]

Have in prenup: women treats the man as good as a dog or cat. 99% of women don't. Marriage issue solved.

[@netsherrera7193]

Damn.

[@graytimmons1416]

Why do you guys never talk about the marriage/divorce laws and how they all favor women and screw over men?

[@ballen8905]

😂😂😂

[@jinka29]

😅

[@colizzo0967]

@user-mi7ls4ij8jwhy do they do it repeatedly?

[@entirely2keane]

Women needed to have some protections in place from a system created by men to begin with. Remember when not so log ago, women had to marry or die in poverty, or had to find other 'disreputable' avenues to survive? Must have been lovely to depend on someone else for your entire livelihood, right? To not be allowed to become educated or have a job. To be considered someone's possession, a pawn to be passed along from father and husband. Oh joy, I cannot fathom anything better. Funny how men now complain about the very system they set in place to control and benefit and, for some, oppress. Don't like the taste of your own medicine much? Shocking. Not to mention how men fare better being married than women do, and women do better once divorced or widowed. Must be hard these days, that it no longer suffices to be a man to get your way. You actually have to bring something to the table. Women soon realize there's little worth staying for and, thankfully, are able to leave nowadays. I take the leveling of the playing field doesn't appeal much to men? No more easy pickings? Surprising indeed. Maybe men should have a created a system that benefitted both genders. It's also ridiculous how men don't realize that most women just want an equal partner. Not the systems of the past in which women had to posture and flatter and submit because there was no other avenue available to them. And if they also chose their wives for the right reasons, they'd have a better chance at a happy marriage. Worry not though, I'm sure it's always the women who are to blame for everything, as usual. That thought will protect men's fragile ego's from having to admit they've made their bed and now hate sleeping in it. Personally, I'm thankful I'm not obligated to marry a man these days in order to survive. I cherish my independence and won't relinquish it. As a woman, being free from the yoke of a traditional marriage is the blessing of being able to choose. Are there plenty of good men out there? No doubt. But there's a reason things are as they are nowadays and a look at history is quite eye-opening in terms of women's rights. I only have to look my grandparents and be thankful I wasn't born back in the day.

[@Serahpin]

Marriage is a legal mechanism to transfer resources from men to women.

[@sunvalleyerin1]

Marriage is a legal mechanism to transfer rights, time, energy and freedom from women to men.

[@sunvalleyerin1]

- just don’t involve the government & religion!

[@thiacari]

Statistically, marriage is a mechanism that improves mens' lives despite the end result (divorce, widowed) - across the board, men that have been married are healthier, richer, get more sex, are taken care of when they are old by wife or children. Before a divorce, the free work provided by women allows for a much higher income, either through careers or running a business together. Even after a divorce, men might lose a part of their assets, but after that they continue getting richer. Overall, divorced men are still better off than single men.

[@Serahpin]

@@thiacari "The top ten percent of men that women try to marry tend to be better off than the bottom 90%" You don't say?

[@rudysmith1552]

​@@sunvalleyerin1add individual rights has led to rapidly increasing inequality the complete decline of Western Civilization the rise of China also you can have an ego trip before the US dollar collapses and you are a childless woman in a third world country

[@vinceocratic]

Would love to hear a no BS analysis of how many lives he ruined by lying in court to win for his clients.

[@carljohnson6264]

There’s cheating, And then there’s betrayal. Huge difference

[@orsolyabende8101]

He is in his early fifties, divorced, 2 kids, probably all these explain his bitterness and skepticism. He of course teaches what he cannot do right?! I started watching the video twice and can never get beyond just a few minutes because his voice and demeanor are simply so unbearable.

[@RC-mz4jf]

This guy sounds angry and sarcastic.

[@marinaburg4682]

This man is unhinged. Not "passionate" - just unhinged. He's got some big issues to work out.

[@thomaslinsday6236]

Talk about time-wasters...that guy didn't say anything new or interesting. You've squandered some of your creds.

[@Clivetinker]

7:50 that’s a cop out. Like with Destiny, it doesn’t fail because it can fail like any monogamous relationship. It’s literally established as someone refusing stability and static partners by its definition. It can’t work long term