No.1 Couples Therapist Reveals How To ACTUALLY Get Over Heartbreak

Renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author Lori Gottlieb reveals the best way to get over a past relationship & heal.
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[@jondeshaw]

Exactly like she said, it's about losing the future. My grief was maybe only 20% about the adulteress constantly negative wife that abandoned our marriage. It was mostly about the family and children I'll never have, the sadness in my parents eyes that they won't be grandparents, the in-laws who I actually saw as parents, losing them, losing future experiences nieces and nephews. It's not about my present dating situation but rather loss of trust in women. I know I could be a great partner and think I was in the past two, but I'll never be able to look at a woman and really truly be able to trust her or her family again. It's the loss my lifestyle (and I don't mean financial) I mean the traditions, friend groups, couples dinners, etc. All gone in the present and all gone in the future. As a man especially, people just say get over it and move on. Move on to what? I live a great life but it's empty of these things I just stated.

[@Nicole-cf3kj]

My breakup after 10 years together happened 9 years ago and I still haven’t recovered. I see dreams with this person and remember every day. I work with my therapist but it seems like nothing works. I haven’t had any relationships since… I am very open to it but nothing… I decided to be grateful for what I have because a lot of people are craving this loneliness.. some who are in unhappy relationships

[@fluffaduck6206]

Im so sorry to hear this. I think your therapist is not helping if you have been seeing them for that long without any improvement. I may not have experienced heartbreak - but Ive experienced severe depression and anxiety. I also could not fix it for 5 years no matter the therapist. I know it will sound cringe or typical, but genuinely speaking - somehow finding a way to believe in the bible, religion etc. fixed it. Not saying you have to follow but maybe a philosophy or a religious community who really care about you may help. I hope things improve

[@RoyalRadiantJade]

Sorry that happened. Many people I know have broken off their decade long relationships too because people grow apart. The most severely depressed I've been was with my toxic ex where I cried every day for 2 years. Pulling myself out of that depression was hard and took a lot of will power and commitment. Now I'm in a 10 year long relationship and it's still rocky sometimes..but nothing is perfect. I am thankful. If it didn't work out I don't know if I'll be happy finding another person either for a very long time. You're right though.. rather be alone than to be with an abusive partner. I hope you'll be able to find love again some day. In the meantime, surrounding yourself with the love of friends and family is nice.

[@Nicole-cf3kj]

@@fluffaduck6206 thank you very much for sharing 🙏I keep searching for different ways of resolving this problem and I really believe that one day I’m going to find it 😔🙏❤️

[@Nicole-cf3kj]

@@RoyalRadiantJade thank you very much for your support, it is really healing ❤️🙏

[@EdelweisSusie]

Sorry to hear that - same for me. He abandoned me after 5 years without any warning: destroyed my faith in men, trust in relationships and belief in love. Will never be the same.

[@uxguerrero]

March is the month where most couples break up, I did and that's why I'm watching.

[@summersalix]

That's interesting. Do u know why March is the most common month for breakups? I'm sorry u are going thru this.... the pain is often unbearable. Hang in there 🤗

[@frankgeary7574]

@@summersalixvery interesting because I had my big breakup in March of last year

[@2pixel8ted]

So sorry

[@davelewis6256]

This is very true 😂

[@ashlypannell1812]

March too twice 🥴

[@andya2636]

What is harder? Losing someone suddenly and grieve? Losing someone mentally while still living with them to grieve over and over?

[@veggi23]

Both

[@crucifire9224]

@@veggi23#2

[@EdelweisSusie]

Codswallop!! I wallowed in grief, spiralled into a deep depression and didn’t socialise for years while the man who abandoned me two days after my dad died just got on with his life as if I’d never been in it. SO - the best way to get over heartbreak is to cry/sob it out, throw yourself into your job and get promoted if you can, lose weight (if you need to), change your hair etc so IF your ex sees you, you’ll show him just what he’s lost. I did this and saw my ex with some old drudge of a woman while I sat in the Cafe looking super-glam! THAT is the cure for mending a broken heart, trust me.

[@MrSITH-qj6zp]

Were you doing all that before your father got sick?

[@ElunearaStarsong]

That sounds like vengeful thinking. I'm all about improving and getting healthier, but do it for yourself. Don't do it to one-up someone that hurt you. If you do, you're operating out of trauma. It's much better to operate out of self-love (easier said than done).

[@anastasia10017]

the reason we are lonely is because today nobody will make the effort. I have a neighbor who will bump into me on the street and stand there and talk to me for an hour but if I say let's sit down at the cafe here for this conversation, there is no way she will do it. If you say let's go to the movies, you will never get anyone to go with you because they can't be bothered to put down their cell phone and leave their house. But then they will text you for 2 hours. people today just can't be bothered. the same reason why people today will stand there and video someone getting beat up and hurt but will not lift a finger to intervene or help.

[@aaronm.2718]

Wow. I was basically telling myself this entire concept today almost word for word. Trying to seek real help or a friendship from anyone now is impossible.

[@Stierenkloot]

It is literally like death. Even worse when you're at fault and regret it because it means you caused the death of the one most dear to you. Sighs. Speaking for myself

[@pierzing.glint1sh76]

It made me understand ppl who commit suicide after a break up. When everything you thought was real vanishes in front of your eyes, life doesn't feel like it's worth it.

[@amandazemke5765]

I caused the death :(

[@GuineaPigReviews]

So true. Deceit can take the most solid person down. ​@@pierzing.glint1sh76

[@talea9593]

I've been heartbroken after a breakup twice. The first one was a 2 year relationship. I got over that with a new boyfriend that only lasted a few months, and then staying single for a few years as well as leaving the state. All that did me a lot of good. My second heartbreak hurt a lot but was easier to get over because he moved to a different city. Its definitely easier when you dont have to see them.

[@Sand_sea_]

Being a human being is so hard 😪💔

[@biba350]

My 9 year relationship ended in December I actually feel numb is this a symptom of heartbreak

[@damjanneshovski]

Lori always says that feeling numb is not a lack of feelings, but having too many feelings, so it's hard to process them.

[@user-dm2wz6np3v]

The worst thing you can do making new friends is to be the first to text or call 2nd time. If you already reach out to someone to grab a coffee and they are busy (really busy, no problem with that) dont text or call again. Let them reach out to you. If they dont then let them go. Its better to be alone then always being the one reaching out.

[@ddr4ig]

Just keep moving and you will be ok... Promise x

[@soloseer2011]

Thanks for sharing your conversations

[@elcoreelcore]

Perfect timing! Thank you ❤

[@ThingsILove2266]

I work with young people and can say with 100% certainty that they still need this modeled. I hope he can bring this online, basic as it is.

[@davelewis6256]

I got finished over a email after 8 years, from the person who was supposed to be a best friend, very strange.

[@StefanAndrei6789]

Jesus dude

[@davelewis6256]

@@StefanAndrei6789 yea, and two months after the monster emailed me for the breakup my best mate committed suicide. This was 2022.

[@davelewis6256]

@@StefanAndrei6789 they deleted my comment back to you

[@moyrawallace5895]

Great guest- I learned something 💜

[@IlenElla]

❤I loved this episode.

[@neogbfe3587]

You may grieve your future, but it’s better than hearing lies.

[@francienregelinkauthor]

Good insight

[@Martin-rh7mf]

They won't sit with you in your loss.. ain't that the truth..

[@marioct130]

'At our age we don't have to settle.'

[@lounamana]

We grieve over 'things we could have had/ wished we had'... 'all the things we lost in life (that we didn't have at the first place) as many ppl mentioned on the comments. We are sad due to rejections 'not feeling loved'.... The only way to move forward is to turn elsewhere for the 'acceptance' we crave, and rebuilt the 'dream' of what our future will be.... Someone posted that they lost all dreams they built for themselves with their ex wife and now he cannot look at women the same way again..... But why not rebuilt a new dream? New things that you can have in future with a new woman and you keep referring to the past that is no longer?...why we try to recreate a desire we once had in the past with person A, and dismiss possibility of a new dream we can have with person B...

[@easter_sunday]

I've been to couples therapy. What I learned is that no matter what happened, it was my fault because I was the man.

[@ElunearaStarsong]

Wait, was that acctually what you arrived at together with your therapist?

[@steveg6978]

I just read 35% of ( Married women have a plan B guy )......now factor that into heartbreak

[@ulisesgutierrezespindola1561]

Omg 😮this is awesome

[@TheAdventuresofSnickersandMinn]

Thank you.

[@OompaLoompaFu]

Nah. What you do is turn into the skid. Cry. Listen to the most heartbreaking music. Embrace vulnerability. Sit in your emotions until they're exhausted. Nothing lasts forever, not even grief. Accept that you'll be forever changed. And then, one day, weeks or months later, you'll catch yourself being "your old self", even with the new scar tissue over your heart. Then you love again.

[@NibberKSmooth]

Stephen ‘The door is open to ANY body at all’ Bartlett.

[@FrozenFingers]

Why do you make people look so unhinged in thumbnails? They look normal, maybe a little passionate in the main channel thumbnails, but here I'm more scared than interested.

[@Aoi_Fans]

2010 - "Lori Gottlieb is a 43-year-old single parent who desperately wants to be married. And she's not ashamed to say so." Source The Guardian. 2024 - Lori Gottlieb is still single and giving out advice which has kept her single. Don't take advice from this person, it's like taking business advice from someone who has only run companies into the ground.

[@eastafrika728]

Teaching people how to and not what to identify themselves only leads to a cycle of repeeated mistakes, to change,one has to change their thinking about themselves, to begin with, people in the west need to stop thinking that they are under threat and vulnerable all the time. Such thinking causes anti relationship reactions.

[@KayTaylor]

Absolutely loved this episode 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@AgentSmithers]

Why is that the current Caucasian standard for mental health always involves paying another person for advice or to listen? Everything requires some grifting expert who's written a book. Believe it or not, talk therapy doesn't work for everyone.

[@brittneywitherspoon8530]

What does race have to do with it? What are black mental health professionals advising?

[@TheRexTera]

I found an unconventional trick that helped me. Make your life as bland as possible for a few months. Avoid any novelty what so ever. No new music or movies or any form of lasting memories that can remind you of what you felt.

[@void________]

Why is Emma Stone on the thumbnail?

[@Edmond347]

Typical useless psycho bubble. There are only 2 things that will get you over a bad heartbreak: time and a meaningful relationship with a new person. Best in combination. Nothing else.

[@ssehe2007]

It’s been 16 years. Still not over it.

[@Edmond347]

@@ssehe2007 Have you been with a new person with whom you fell in love in those 16 years?

[@NibberKSmooth]

Oh look a podcast with an ‘expert’ how new and not at all uninspiring…

[@sallykins3800]

She’s actually interesting and if you have any emotions in relationships you may relate to what she said. Why did you click on it it ? Just to make a fucking stupid comment?