How To Get Over Your Negative Money Emotions

In the fourth episode of The College Student's Guide To Money, Chelsea tackles an important, but often ignored, aspect of personal finances: how money impacts our emotional lives. This video covers everything college students and recent grads need to know about the emotional side of money, from jealousy to stress.
Money stress & stigmas: www.apa.org/monitor/2015/04/m... www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credi...
Comments from a financial advisor: www.marketwatch.com/story/how...
Recent grad culture shock: scholar.harvard.edu/files/ant...
The cost of being in a sorority: thefinancialdiet.com/how-bein...
Money scripts: www.yourmentalwealth.com/top-...
Likelihood of unemployment: www.aplu.org/projects-and-ini...
Social class disparities: www.aacu.org/diversitydemocra...
www.theatlantic.com/education...
FOMO spending: pressroom.aboutschwab.com/pre...
www.freedom55financial.com/ad...
www.creditkarma.com/insights/...
Jennifer Lerner: jenniferlerner.com/
The Financial Diet site:
www.thefinancialdiet.com
Facebook: / thefinancialdiet
Twitter: / tfdiet
Instagram: thefinancia...

[@biologist12389]

Social media really is the killer of saving money.

[@skylarsa]

How? Social media is free. Having Facebook or Instagram should not hurt your savings.

[@adelest9500]

@@skylarsa I think this comment meant all the things you see on social media that makes you spend money - ads, friends showing off their new purchases, influencers promoting stuff etc.

[@scarpfish]

@@skylarsa Social media is NEVER free. You are giving data to these companies for that free access which enables them to put targeted ads in your feed. It also is a giant time suck that has been shown not only to zap your productivity, but lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression, and those things can lead to emotional spending.

[@OfficialKatyMikayla]

Truer words have never been said. Social media makes me want to buy, buy, buy 😫

[@violethaye6987]

I only follow therapists LOL and besides the occasional self care (in which they don't suggest to splurge on material things - though that is an acceptable form of self care however you feel is best to take care of yourself) money is never mentioned. Social media isn't the problem, it's who you follow and what content you consume that's the problem. *edit: nevermind there are targeted ads that use subliminal messaging and friends

[@SavannahSedai]

Advice for college students: The more you get comfortable with the phrase “It’s not in my budget” will probably make others in your group comfortable too, you really never know who is over spending or who isnt. It can also draw new people around you in similar situations that may turn out to be long term friends. The best friendships don’t come from how you spend together, they come from good, funny, fun conversations, similar life goals, shared senses of humor, and understanding and trust.

[@theajane6444]

Such a great episode! For those who choke on the phrase "it's not in my budget" like I do sometimes, it's might easier to say, "Mm. That's not the way I choose to spend my money right now."

[@AmyPatton416]

Great tip!

[@MiniNymph]

That sounds like a great idea! I'm trying to phrase something that works for me; I have social anxiety and if something makes me uncomfortable I just won't say it. I'm thinking along the lines of "I'm saving all my money for theater tickets" because this is relatable in a performance class and it's also true

[@joymae]

To avoid the mindset of "it's in my bank account so I can use it" I just move my money into a savings account where I can't touch it. A lot of children who grew up privileged often are the worse with money.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

So true!

[@teresamesa]

i was SO LUCKY with my uni friend group because we were all broke and managed to have fun despite that. even today, maybe due to our field in the arts and design, we never have lavish plans because we don't have the same budgets as other people our age. in contrast with my childhood friends, who know every restaurant in town, who do me the favor of going for the more affordable option when i'm invited.

[@cbpd89]

Then there's my college experience: all of us digging through our cars and couches for loose change so we can all pitch in $2 for Little Caesars. Now THATS a good college experience!

[@alexcarney5715]

I’m not a college student, but this video just helped me say “no” to a pushy couture salesperson who is trying to persuade me into buying a dress I can’t afford. These videos are a huge help and I can’t even imagine where I’d be without them.

[@stuttermaple5768]

My problem in college was that my boyfriend came from a wealthy family, and I definitely did not. He didn't work because he didn't have to, and I worked and was in school. I would always feel bad that he was driving everywhere for our dates and paying for it so I tried to pay when i could. But it was always super expensive places and i felt like i wasnt on the same level as he and his family was. Granted, they NEVER made comments or DID anything that gave off that vibe. I just never felt like I belonged unless i could also afford teh same things they could.

[@txu2011]

I have/had a friend can from a wealthy background and he is the kindest person I know. Yet, what is for him just trying to catch me up about his life became a source of torture. Even when I make a lot more money then he does, I would never be able to afford that life. Resentment is something that builds up day by day. I'm trying hard to build myself up more so something like that won't sour a friendship again. On the side note, money envy hurts people on the both end. I hope people won't need to deal with that sometime in the future.

[@TwilightCookieDough]

My partner and I are in a similar dynamic and likely will be even as we move our life together. He picked me up for our first date in his Dad’s Camaro, his parents house is worth more than a mil while I came from a single parent home where my mom worked 2-3 jobs while earning her education. I’m currently in graduate school to be an educator and he just got his first job in industry and he already makes twice as much as I currently do. Since I’m going to teach, that will likely be the case for our whole life. I constantly feel so guilty asking him to pay for things and not buying him the nicest gifts.

[@OOool]

Love the fantasize about it for a bit rather than impulse buy strategy! I do it all the time! I find if I keep thinking about it and it’s been a month, then it might be something I actually really want or need. A vast majority of the time, though, just browsing online satisfies the emotional need, and I realize that that was all it was...

[@hannahabril6523]

This is so me right now. Recently I have been fantasizing a new wardrobe change once I face-to-face classes comes back (possibly by January 2021 here in the Philippines) and new dorm furniture since I will be moving. The thing is, I had been planning to save enough money for investments after I accomplish my emergency fund savings. But because I kept fantasizing (and still do. My hype boards is so full right now) about those things for the next year, I'm considering flushing my investment savings down the drain. Its taking a toll on me cause i feel like im heading towards spending my money based on emotions. I still have 5 months to go before actually spending then so maybe this is just a phase 😂

[@adrianaarcomone]

my mom told me that if i had attended this one school that was in a higher socioeconomic area that i would get FOMO and end up wrecking my finances. I decided to go to community college and have a good financial base :)

[@abbyhenderson9574]

My money trouble is being afraid of spending money, sometimes even on things that are necessary. I think it's from the fear of just not having enough to go around and not being able to pay for things like food and gas in the future if I buy the nicer shampoo or get the brake pads in my car replaced by the dealer vs having a family friend do it with me. Maybe as I get older and have a more stable income this will get better.

[@cutiepiemania45]

I have this same fear. I was especially bad at spending while paying off my student loans. I needed to be frugal, but I wasnt intentional about it so it ended up depriving me a little. And now I'm trying to save, but I also want to live in HCOL city. Not to mention that I also need to save for retirement and helping my family as they age. So it still sort of feels like I cant spend money, but I'm working on that .

[@abbyhenderson9574]

@@cutiepiemania45 I can relate to that completely. I'm still in university so I have some more time to work on my habits and making sure I don't deprive myself in order to save money. It's just nice to know that there's a safety cushion if anything would happen like a medical expense or a flat tire.

[@ems9616]

Same, I've just gone back to uni- and I'm better than I was- but i still have a really hard time buying what i need because of a fear of not having enough. Especially if i can feel i can muddle through without it- which is fine but I'm currently paying the price bc I need new glasses and can't bring myself to spend the money I need to for fear of messing myself up financially speaking. :(

[@MinimalistBosnian]

I actually used to struggle with this fear and I’ve not really gotten over it but I’ve learned how to cope with it. I have flip-floppy income and It can get worrisome some months, I can def treat myself to an Iced coffee from Dunkin once or twice a week instead of Starbucks. Also, a top tip, if you have midas in your area, I got my brake pads and rotors done on front and rear axle and while I paid $800 and additional money for other brake system maintenance, they give you a warranty so the next time you need your pads and rotors done it’s only $100 for each axle front / rear for labor. It’s a big money saver. They will also replace them for free if you have a problem with them!! Do NOT go to a dealership unless you need important things done like transmission work/mechanical issues. Those people are paid highly and that’s why it costs more!

[@abbyhenderson9574]

@@MinimalistBosnian Great tips, thanks!

[@andrewgutmann9432]

My takeaway: Avoid most money problems by having no friends. Mentally healthy people: Wait no don’t

[@exvangelica4271]

No, just be friends with other poor people lol

[@koushalyag3608]

No, just be friends with people who know you are poor!

[@MiniNymph]

The therapy to recover from this is expensive

[@clairewillow6475]

I was hood rich in my moms area because her parents were middle class but she ended up kind of ghetto.. and my dads parents are rich wasps. Any time I had a very privileged experience it was because of my grandparents on my dads side but it always came at an emotional cost because they can be very controlling people. I found ways to make my own money so I wouldn’t be controlled but that came at an even worse spiritual cost. Now I’m a mom and I don’t know if it’s worth it for my son. Like yes he’ll have great memories at his great grandparents cottage on the lake but it always comes at an emotional cost (for example using fear to discipline which I am not okay with)

[@avgholson8143]

Can you cover a topic on finance and friends. Such as social outings, girls/ guy trips. Specifically different income levels or financials goals. Especially in early 30s

[@doggydude4123]

I'm in my early 30s and my advice for you is to keep your circle small and close. Filter out all the BS, fake, people in your life and establish boundaries. I've been called cheap and a buzz kill and guess what? I'm absolutely grateful because now I know for certain I can filter out those trash people in my life. I filter out social outings and guy trips that I deem a waste of my time and money.

[@laexploradoraaaXD]

I was living on $30/month and my roommate got a Lexus for her birthday. It was so stressful.

[@bluejedi723]

will smith put it best and I forget the excact words but it went something like: don't spend money you don't have on shit you don't need/want to impress people who don't give a shit

[@laurenconrad1799]

Thank you for this. This stuff is so intense and needs to be talked about. I have gone through so many therapy sessions saying, "I feel like a terrible person because I don't have student loans and all my other friends do." Or "I'm afraid of becoming less empathetic if I stop feeling this constant guilt." I'm working on it, but none of this stuff is easy. The things that primed you to feel these emotions are real and need to be acknowledged, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the response is healthy.

[@LuciaCasucci]

FOMO is a real thing. I wish I knew about it when I was in college 8 years ago. I am glad I was sort of baseline broke so yes I splurged here and there but I could not damage myself too much since I did not have a credit card. I never understood that Greek life mentality. I went to a big famous school and Greek life was a real thing. It always felt very not genuine to me the fact that to belong to a group you have to pay and pass some weird test before we can even talk to you or even being allowed to get a cup of coffee together. I was never attracted by it, and I was money shamed/isolated very often by this crowd since I used to live a pretty frugal life, with not even an 8-year-old used car until I finished grad school.

[@GinaBecnel]

Helping some of my friends gets a grip on their finances for the first time... It's harder to do now than ever. This is super helpful to share with them. Love that the content you produce and the prosperity gospel free perspective

[@barshabanerjee7262]

This is relevant for everyone not only college students 👏

[@ViviansLog]

I love this! So true Chelsea! Over the years I have been more open to conversing about money, especially with friends. I have said no to events because it’s not in my budget.

[@racknarcom]

This is really high-quality content. Thank you from Portugal!

[@FrugalRules]

Many say you should take the emotions out of money, but that's sometimes easier said than done. I like that you show us how to take the negative emotions out of money.

[@justadjustor8993]

I'm really so thankful for all of these videos. I'm 25 but better late than never ♥️

[@pearl31st]

" associating who I was with what I could afford" Woah

[@karmakanic]

Great video-thanks for making this.

[@davidliang913]

People aren't unfeeling robots that always make rational decisions. Sometimes we need second impressions to make better decisions!

[@hollyclark4518]

I'm loving these daily videos!

[@janellabaxter8372]

This was an excellent video.

[@katrinaruthministries]

Thanks for sharing your insight, this is a great video!

[@robertstanley9633]

Chelsea, you are my financial therapist, thank you 😌

[@joellea-b.5519]

Really helpful and in depth!

[@CaseyBurnsInvesting]

Be happy with what you have and are and the money stops mattering so much.

[@nanamiharuka3269]

Thanks to your channel I've been able to become more conscientious about my spending and budgeting. I feel like now I think a lot about buying something and all the right questions "will this benefit me? Do I have something that can do the job just as well? Can I find it cheaper elsewhere or in person (if I'm looking online), is this necessary right now if it will put me back on my savings goals or can it wait?" Its saved me so much money! And omg the bit about learning to be ok with saying "it's not in my budget" is something I REALLY have to work on. I always end up spending more when with friends mostly bc our activities revolve around going out to eat and it can be uncomfortable to be the only one not eating or just snacking etc. And the mood is so high it's easy to just say "eh why not!"

[@pandabossanna]

I found this a huge contributor to my masses of debt !

[@isabelchaparro2608]

great series! i graduated a long time ago but i was still making these mistakes up until last year 😬 i had a friend who was in a vacancy high - she would pick a place every month and fly there for a weekend and come back. she would tell me how much cheaper it was than my weeklong trip 🤨 which was true butttt i planned for that trip and i did that 1x a year for my anniversary. she would do this every month spontaneously. her IG posts were so cute but i just could not afford it. soo i had to put ny big girl panties and tell her i couldn't do it 🤷🏻‍♀️ unfortunately for her, covid hit us both hard but i had money saved and she didn't.

[@dorothee2314]

Money and friends can be difficult during college, it takes some courage to talk openly about money you don’t have, especially in the beginning when you’re feeling insecure and still looking for the right kind of friends. I think everybody made some unwise decisions during that time, but it’s important to learn from theses mistakes. I once joined some people I thought very cool at that time for a very fancy meal, spent 200$$, didn’t have a clue what they were talking about most of the time And didn’t even like the food, though I didn’t admit that for a long time, even to myself.

[@devlinfae]

“Self worth is based on savings”. Really feeling this right now. ;-;

[@26Sundrops]

The college money guide is great, but I think it would be great to also make videos for high school grads (or even dropouts) who usually don't have the financial literacy or opportunities that even college students would have. I assume there's plenty of overlap, but there are probably some issues that only affect people who aren't earning a degree and have to basically support themselves completely at age 18. Not all parents offer support of course, so some are literally out on the street with no backup plan and immediate needs that they have trouble balancing.

[@nleem3361]

I went to a college that didn't have campus housing, and most people were paying their own bills. We all seemed to be on tight budgets. Maybe do research on schools ahead of time. But, I didn't go there because of that, but it was nice that way.

[@shaquicedacosta]

I grew up with a VERY money-conscious mother, she always talked about the budget. I hardly listened, I’m listening now (closing in on 30). I talk to my young cousins and coworkers about money all the time, thankfully they’re listening now 😄

[@barvdw]

You probably picked up more than you realize. It was 'something boring your mom told you' where you could complain about to your friends, but you had heard it. That's more than many others...

[@pri.sci.lla.]

I just really don’t want to get student loans until I absolutely have to.

[@quoteme.goddess6957]

Oh! This is goooooooood!

[@MinimalistBosnian]

I feel like something that’s really slept on is what most music is about nowadays. Clothes, cars, mass amounts of drugs and alcohol, all things that cost a fortune to really keep up with trends and “be cool”

[@marzipan2555]

idk, I can't think of a time in history when singers promoted fiscal responsibility lol. you're right, but i don't think that's unique to this generation.

[@MinimalistBosnian]

TaiFighter See, I can’t either but I definitely think it’s something that can influence somebody to buy prestige items without needing them and then finding out the hard way lol. It can be a small factor for sure.

[@lavayuki]

I find that money is difficult when it comes to relationships. I never had money issues with friends and as a student, although I came from a well off family. However me and my no ex partner always fought about money, and we broke up because of too much money related conflicts. But wow selling your parents credit card for Ugg boots, my dad would go through the roof if I did that

[@jaz1551]

So this is the 4th episode.... where are links to the first three?

[@griffinina]

True. Money and friends are an important combo. No matter where you are in your life. If you and your friends are on the same level socio-economy level then it will save you a lot because everyone will want to go to places within the same budget range. The problem comes when all your friends are on more higher socio-economy to you and they are not considerate to the fact that you are not on the same socio-economy level with them. If they are good friends, they would take your situation into consideration when you open up to them. If you never tell them the truth because you are embarass then that’s your fault. If after you opened up to them they still don’t care, then you need to “arrange” your hangout places subtly. Like arrange meet up only around tea/coffee time so you’re not going to spend $$$$ when meeting up with them, even if they choose to meet up at the fanciest cafe in town.

[@lifeiszain]

Uni was so hard for me i never knew what a budget was until then my parents only gave me 1500 for spending money a month then after Uni my parents cut me off when i got my 1sy job i hated it then but i am so good with money now

[@invisibleninja86]

Being given $1500 a month sounds really nice considering that’s more than I make now working two jobs.

[@lifeiszain]

@@invisibleninja86 it was nice. Sounds like you need a 3rd job then

[@DaddyDebt]

Money has no emotions. Like Mr Wonderful said: "Money flows in the path of least resistance"

[@JB-Ohiolove]

Thank you, Chelsea. You are so smart and cute!!

[@MiniNymph]

Is there advice out there for people with the opposite problem? I am a mature student and I have an impressive amount of savings - I should be able to live comfortably but I struggle with feelings of shame when I need to make a purchase. For example, I have a lot of pain in my feet and I can no longer wear most of my shoes, but I struggle with having to replace them even though I all I have now are two pairs of trainers and they are not very presentable. To be clear, I haven't saved up by being smart about money, and I certainly need to learn more about spending. My fear is I am consuming the wrong content and that this might make my problem worse.

[@philipw4849]

I wish I saw this video 23 years ago.

[@ak1ra449]

TFT: ten levels of yikes ME: you described my whole life in one sentence

[@modernadulting6857]

Having anxiety or fear of money is all too common. More than half of Americans feel anxious about their money on a regular basis! Worried about forgetting to pay your bills? Automate your finances. If you’re wondering where all your money is going every month, create a budget, and set financial goals.

[@supernova622]

God I fuckin wish TFD had been around when I was trying to manage my student loan payouts

[@caligirlcheli0270]

All internships need to be paid. People need to pay their bills, loans..etc. Payments can’t be paid with “experience.”

[@guhreenskittles]

Lol! At least you spend the money on something you can wear and keep you warm haha

[@andagain9826]

Good advice except I just impulse bought two Kindle books and can't be happier about it. Beth O'Leary, if you are into happy endings.

[@eRoTiCCrEaTiOnS]

🤣🤣 anything book related is an okay splurged. Also ebooks you borrow for free at the library can be downloaded on the kindle

[@oanaheller2166]

Is there a video about emotional money problems where you discuss those who are AFRAID of spending? I am taking about myself now. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were earning minimum wage and I really struggled as a teen and young adult in college because I literally couldn't afford most of the things I needed in school. I studied art and even though in my country the college itself was free (long live the European Union!) the tools (canvas, paint, brushes etc) and the life (rent, food, etc) were not. Now I have my own business, I earn more than both of my parents combined but I am mortified of ever being without. I scrape and save money wherever I can, after fees, taxes and monthly bills I change whatever money I get left into €. (and it's usually like half a years wages for a person working a minimum job in my country). I feel guilty and anxious when I splurge on a pizza once a month or on a book. I am well aware of the fact that it is not a healthy relationship with money but I just can't bring myself to spend them without guilt.

[@oanaheller2166]

In my country we have another currency so in order to make sure that I won't spend I change the surplus of money into €. So I don't spend them. And the amount I have in € is in a safety deposit box, hidden somewhere safe and I consider those to be non existing. I would rather go get a second job that touch my € savings.

[@DeadTalkLive]

Good video ♥! As a fellow KZbinr, I am contantly searching for fresh ideas! Great Job!

[@xchelseareads]

Break off your financially toxic and generally toxic friends ASAP. I would have saved SO much money from nights out and vacations I got peer pressured in to taking with someone I'm no longer friends with.

[@SDBaeson]

You just did this in this video, so I guess now is as good a time as any to ask - why does it seem like Associate degrees are as good as high school diplomas when you’re not in a “blue collar” field? No one seems to mention them, either you have a high school/GED or a Bachelors. Might be out of your realm of expertise but worth an ask.

[@carmenmich]

The money scripts link no longer exists. It’s a bad link

[@jadesarchives]

Hsjsiskxmxkxkx notif squad got the first view!!!!

[@LindseyObrooke]

Ten levels of Yikes.

[@fishstick7104]

I would love a collaboration with 'How to ADHD' Channel. They just came out with an episode about ADHD money struggles and it hit home so hard!!! Not only are emotions and money hard but when your chemical brain functions deliberately sabotage your savings and spending habits, it's SO hard!!! Here's their video! kzbin.info/www/bejne/q4iyl4BuobSKZqc

[@desiredditor]

if only college fees were lower