Ep. 374 | Boxes of Stuff

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

How many boxes of stuff do you own?

[@patriciadenelsbeck1221]

Too many

[@kolitiokada9825]

Ha! The boxes of shtuff own me!

[@ShroomFactory]

all of em 😂

[@MichElle-ow3cs]

I dont just have boxes.. I have overflowing boxes! And it's absolutely a case of avoiding the resistance of dealing with the stuff that has prevented me from attacking the boxes. But I actually made some good headway last night!

[@amonralice]

Only one for all my favourite seasons: Christmas, Easter and Halloween. Small tree, etc.. All fits, all gooooooood! 👍🏻

[@Govfraudprevention]

When my sister passed (she was killed in the line of duty) I had her old bicycle from high school. I just couldn’t let it go even though I wasn’t using it. It felt like if I let it go it was acknowledging that she was definitely gone. It took about 8 years before I was ready. When I was ready I put the bike in my driveway with a sign “free”. About 30 minutes later a 10 year old boy rang my doorbell. He asked if he could take the bike for his older sister. Of course I said “yes”. It made me feel good and at peace to know that the bike found a good home. I think my sister would have approved ❤️. I am very glad and blessed that my husband never pushed me to get rid of that bike and supports me through the journey of grief.

[@teddizia751]

If people feel that urge to give you a gift, have them donate to a charity and just say it means so much to you vs getting more stuff even though you appreciate their thoughtfulness!!

[@BloomByCC]

Wow, that’s a powerful story and I’m sure poignant for you❤ I’m so grateful for your sisters service to our country, may she rest in peace.

[@LJ542]

I'm crying. This is beautiful

[@RJ-ek7ov]

🥰

[@johndudash2579]

I have one hundred tubs full of stuff, all kinds. I’m 68 now. I feel as though I have helped the library and Goodwill stay open for many years. So much stuff that’s given to me I eventually give away. My biggest desire now is to clear things out, so I have room to sit and think clearly and know exactly where things are without searching, and not bumping into things wherever I walk. This has been a lifelong challenge….am progressing!

[@jenross37]

I lost everything in a fire. Which was freeing in so many ways. The choice of whether or not to hold on to something was made for me. However, soon after I lost a dear relative and was left with all of his belongings. Between the grief of both losses I was paralyzed. Letting go of his belongings has been a process of readiness. One thing I’ve come to believe is that wherever he is in the afterlife he’s doesn’t give a shit about what I do with his high school yearbooks from the 60’s. If I’m holding onto something it’s all me. My dear deceased loved one isn’t holding me hostage.

[@wendy645]

That's a beautiful way of looking at it!! I'm a hoarder, but my mum is worse, and that is one of many reasons I'm dreading the eventuality of losing her.

[@jamiescott5718]

With the gift giving question. Offer your family members to give you the gift of their time. Like having coffee together, going to the movies, miniature golf, etc.Those are still things that they can gift you. But not take up space in your home.

[@elaineclaire7063]

" The solution is the problem the problem is the solution." I am actually a sentimental person too, at times is really hard for me to forgo gifts that my best friends give me, but as life goes on, so do the people in our lives. I recently passed on a handmade gift by my ex-best friend which she personally handmade for me a locket necklace - but our friendship is no longer the same anymore, i've held on to it for years till i recently decided to let go and passed on to my niece who will use it more than me. Many times, we attach our memories on the items - therefore that makes us sentimental - which prevents us from being present. We should instead remember the good in people rather than the materialism that goes along with them. Only than can we nurture our relationships.

[@Kyriecat12]

Get rid of most of it! I got rid of all yearbooks but my senior. Keep sisters stuff that brings value. I let go of most of my dad's stuff but it took 5 yrs. Every year I got rid of more.

[@mastatdogg]

It's been 3 years since I lost my mom. And my dad 4 months before that. My siblings and I kept a few of their items. Being the oldest of the 3, I was given ALL their photo albums (I'd say 75) and loose photos to go through and disburse. I was overwhelmed. I felt guilty throwing out a bunch of them, but they were of people I didn't know so they held no sentiment for me. I have about 1 large rubbermaid tote left to go through and I'm planning on scanning them and making a minimal digital album. I did scan 2, but I need to set aside a good week to complete this task.

[@eileenlehonnyberg1576]

Ten years after our parents passed, four out of six siblings gathered around a dining room table and sorted and rotated the piles of photos. Disposed of all squirrel photos and doubles, unidentified landscapes, trees, and blurry shots. Loved finding the family portrait proofs, some with only five siblings, before our baby sister was included. Many laughs and dispersed smaller piles to each sibling instead of multiple boxes stagnating at one sister’s house.

[@annoravetz5908]

Some of the old photos probably have a date stamp in the back. My cousin did this with my Uncle's photos from our grandmother's family. Just the fronts. No dates or explanations of who they might be. There is one photo in particular that confounds me. Our great grandfather standing next to a woman who has all of my grandmother's distinctive features. Is this woman his mother or his sister or an aunt? Or a first wife? Could SHE be our grandmother's true mother? It's crucial because this involves tribal membership.

[@annoravetz5908]

Some of the old photos probably have a date stamp in the back. My cousin did this with my Uncle's photos from our grandmother's family. Just the fronts. No dates or explanations of who they might be. There is one photo in particular that confounds me. Our great grandfather standing next to a woman who has all of my grandmother's distinctive features. Is this woman his mother or his sister? Could SHE be our grandmother's true mother? It's crucial because this involves tribal membership.

[@valarielayman1917]

I think the timeline for disposing of a deceased loved ones items is different for every person. My mother passed in 1985. I only began to release her items in 2016 in preparation to move from Montana to Arizona. I even brought some items to Arizona and have since released them. At the point where I was not getting enjoyment from it and was concerned about breaking it, I wanted someone else to enjoy it. I have memories of her and have kept some items. What I still have is items I enjoy and display. She is not in the item. You will know when you are ready. No pressure, no definitive date.

[@rg-mi5hh]

Stuff is just stuff. Give it to someone who could enjoy it. I pull out stuff every year and go awww. It brings back memories. This year it is going. It is taking up too much space.

[@peggyahlgrim6669]

Regarding the question for unwanted gifts, I ask for experiences. instead of buying me a gift, I suggest they take me out to dinner, a play or some other activity. I'd rather spend time with them than get stuff. The memories from sharing time together far outlast the item they purchased that I don't want/need.

[@renhoek3687]

I have been working on my own sentimental and not that sentimental items because I dont want my daughter to feel like she needs to continue to hold onto them after I'm gone. I am hoping this will build my backbone to get through my grandparents/parents things, as well. It has also helped me go through my sister's posessions - what would she have wanted me to do with them? She certainly wouldnt have wanted me to be burdened by them.

[@cathywiser6911]

My grandparents had this gift issue sorted. They asked for things they needed. I was allocated soap to buy of the variety they used. All children and grandchildren were allocated an item

[@madisonromero3529]

100% Love that you said "Every Rule is dumb"! It is very simple wisdom that I wish I knew when I was a child. Also ALL of these rules are SIMPLE, but they are NOT EASY. Like many other disciplines, understanding the rules and way of things might appear easy, but our behavior is like steering a HUGE SHIP.

[@krissyk9767]

When you have a loved one die you can always pick out a few favourite things rather then keep everything. I have a teacup and saucer that has a special significance from my grandma when she passed. I keep it out on show in the kitchen and use it, that way its not sitting in a box somewhere. I also have a scarf she made that I wear. So you can integrate "sentimental" items into your life and actually use and appreciate them.

[@dejaydavisson9938]

Very smart ! What's the point of keeping things, if they're just packed away in a box , where no one can enjoy them.

[@ginakessler2372]

Another great message ,I actually said my first officially felt good no the other day but for good reasons you know our time on this earth is like a vapor we should live like there is no tommorw but at the same time enjoy what's in front of you because life can change so quickly.

[@kikitaube-hansen]

As a minimalist since 2003, I watched you all the years since you´ve been stardet. And I have to commit: You are so great, content and having more ideas. Just professionals! :)

[@alanbirkner1958]

My son digitized a bunch of my mom's stuff, the rest was tossed or is in the US Holocaust Museum. We threw out over 200 boxes of her stuff. I have 2 letters, a key, and 2 ash trays that remind me of my dad. Tina, Al's wife

[@Erin-rg3dw]

On boxes of sentimental stuff - don't feel like it has to be done all at once if it will stress you out. Instead, go through the boxes every so often (i.e. once a year). You may come to find that it's easier to pare down slowly rather than a big purge. When my grandparents had to move out of the home they'd been in for 50 years, my mother really struggled to let go of anything. Now it's been a few years and she's been going through the boxes with a clearer head and she's been able to let a lot go. On the 30/30 rule - I see comments like this for all sorts of categories, like healthy eating, living more eco-friendly, etc. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't for work someone else. If it doesn't work for you, move on.

[@prinsesjuds5761]

I don’ t like the answer in the question of gift giving. Josh discribed about a year ago how he gifted his daughter a pineapple for her birthday so she could have the experience of unwrapping a present, whitout adding more stuff to her life… so why not ask your family that so desperately wants to give to a gift to give you things you can either use up(consumables, soaps and creams etc.) or that you are planning to use (kitchen utensils, bags, stationery, clothing) or flowers and plants…. They have the pleasure of giving something and you won’t have to find a home for it…

[@betterechoes]

This was a good contribution to the conversation! Makes things way less uncomfortable!

[@TimeisBothLimitedandInfinite]

Another option would be asking people to donate to a charity in your name instead of a gift

[@berzaincardenas1031]

Privilige people problems

[@imtherapycat]

My father declared he only wanted to receive consumables about 20 years ago, when he decided he only wanted a table, 2 chairs, 2 table settings, a sofa, a bed and a TV. I totally didn't get it then. I totally get it now. Dad was ahead of his time.

[@lindaalaureano]

My little home got invaded by a rat this long, cold, and rainy winter. I had boxes of papers and pictures that it got into and made a nest . With no nearby family to help me , I dealt with the clean-up thinking this rat came in to help and motivate me, and it did. Fortunately, it's moved on. You may not actually want this kind of motivation, but you can be proactive .

[@marcelarice3025]

The only boxes I own have pictures and cards. They are not big boxes. Thanks to your Minimalist Netflix show I started my minimalist journey two years ago and now I cannot stop decluttering. My husband use to say to me "get rid of all this stuff." Now he says "why are you getting rid of that?"

[@marydecker7558]

I’m a gift-giver, and it’s why I like lists from my kids; this way they get what they’d like to have. So maybe give them a list of what would be appreciated. Even if it’s a donation gift in your honor, to a charity of choice, or helping out a family in need in the community etc. I know if that is what my adult child would prefer, I would do my best to honor it.

[@summertejeda4335]

"As soon as I feel the resistance, I know that is the direction in which I want to travel because that's where the freedom is. Its letting go of the resistance"

[@happycrafterkaren6873]

In relation to presents I think its important to understand your loved ones love language, especially with parents/kids etc. Rather than just saying no could you suggest as alternative. If you want to get me a gift could you look at an experience that we could do together such as lunch / theatre / coffee and cake trip. It lets someone spend time thinking of you, and spending time together without the clutter.

[@carolannstevens5814]

I love Ryan’s heart!

[@ShroomFactory]

In some cultures, people always accept the gift. Rather than getting stressed, realize you're living in abundance, and you can give the unneeded gift away to someone else.

[@WarmFuzzyVibes]

Yes! I just gave away a gift I didn't expect and could not use (cologne) but my sister wanted it. Solved!

[@PenniP]

I love the unwanted gifts website. Donations to Charity…brilliant

[@PurdyBear1]

Gift giving - have an Amazon wish list, ask for money instead, or ask for experience vouchers ( rally driving, spa day) , tokens to do things for you (like clean the car), theatre or concert tickets etc. There are multiple options.

[@justsayin3647]

Don’t get me started on this Christmas at the in-laws. My head still may explode.

[@imtherapycat]

I have no idea. I've completed decluttering my 1500sf house, but have a 1500sf attic over my head and it is packed with boxes and bins and random items stuffed up there over the 10 years I've been in this house. And to top it off, I have to climb a set of pull-down stairs to get to the attic - and to bring it all down and out of the house! It is figuratively and literally hanging over my head.

[@sunshine3914]

Make room at the bottom of the steeps & star tossing it down.

[@haesookwu3739]

Thanks!

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

Thanks for the support!

[@dianeyoung8068]

I think that if Jenna goes through the boxes a couple of times she may be able to pare down the collection. There will come a time when she can let go of some or all, but it may not happen all at once.

[@teddibear6033]

You ASK the person that insists to give gifts, because maybe that person is a giver as the way they interact, to instead please do something like the following. GIve some money or suggest gift cards to your favorite store or to go on a date with the person instead of a gift, like go to lunch, play golf, see a movie or do something fun you wouldn't be able to do etc. I even heard one person suggest to make a list of items you use and need, you could give that to the person to choose some items or make a bag or basket for you buy you some of the stuff you would use. That way the person can give still, you will appreciate it and maybe form a better relationship in the process.

[@jesoda38]

I'm dealing with this now. I had emptied my family home in the winter of 2021. I feel I'm ready to start going through the family photos but have such guilt about getting rid of them. I'm going to start and if I don't know the people in the photo, it goes, blurry, it goes, 3 pictures of the same thing, 2 go, etc. I hope to narrow it down enough to make one nice picture book I can keep on my bookshelf.

[@annoravetz5908]

Put captions of some brief explanation of the photos. Otherwise, when you're gone, none of the subsequent generations will know anything about who these people are, and they will basically be junk.

[@MichElle-ow3cs]

I have really been struggling with task avoidance due to some mental health issues so I found your discussion around discipline, boundaries and resistance really helpful! Do you find that overcoming resistance builds up like a muscle, where the more resistance you overcome, the easier it becomes to do so?

[@BloomwithArt]

It's amazing... I did not want any gifts... I did want a contribution to a catalogue raisonné of an artist I really admire and I said, that any ''stuff'' I got would go immediately into the donation box. And I did put a box ready at home. The box is full.

[@andreas.5584]

I needed to hear this one and know I’m not a horrible person and I’m not ungrateful over gifts. Christmas was horrible with family. We had a peaceful way of celebrating with our children. Then days later we got a massive speech from an aunt that she knew that we asked them to go easy and maybe think of experience gifts, but we aren’t allowed to tell her no and steal her Christmas joy. Her joy was my literal anxiety and she was fine with knowing that. I wish I was kidding that she spent almost $1,000 on just me, my husband, and our two children. It made me feel so disrespected and unheard. She flat didn’t care. So I had no bad feelings when we got home (with an entire cargo area full of gifts), and I donated them to our local ministry thrift store. They only wanted to keep a few things. They were so overwhelmed, they wouldn’t even attempt to carry the gifts to their rooms.

[@kensiblonde4203]

Ugh those people who don’t listen. I’ve multiple times asked a relative to not give me jewelry. I don’t wear it and even if I did, he does not know nor try to find out my style. I’ve asked numerous times to ask me what I might need, there is always something. So I just eventually began selling the jewelry. 🤷‍♀️

[@imtherapycat]

I find that asking people to give to a charity in my name if they insist on "giving" is sometimes helpful. If they still insist on a physical object, I will let them know I will regift it where it will be better appreciated.

[@alanbirkner1958]

I have 2 ashtrays, and a key from my dad. I have a bracelet and some dishes from my mom. My mom's boxes of papers about her family, who died in the Holocaust, were digitized and sent to the US Holocaust Museum by my son.I have utensils from my dad's folks, jewelry my mother in law gave me, and saddest of all, some jewelry that belonged to my dear sister in law, who died of early onset Alzheimer's. All the things I have would fit in a small shoebox. Tina, Al's wife

[@commenter5901]

For the person who's family kept giving them gifts, they should just set up a donation box at their front door and their family can drop the gifts into the box as they walk in. Don't open the gifts, just leave them in the donation box till the family leaves. It should get the point across and let them know that you're serious.

[@dainasworldnumbers88]

Thank you for introducing me to Zach Bryan. Incredible album, it gave me chills.

[@eryncool8183]

You guys definitely found your purpose!! I love listening to you guys!!😍Oh and I'm so sick of stuff... 😂

[@juanjosesegura4585]

Advice for those who have to deal with people that will absolutely gift you stuff when you do not want it: tell them that nothing will make you happier than them donating the amount they want to spend on you to charity X, Y or Z (whatever is your jam). If you want to be more aggressive, tell them you will sell any gift you get, and donate the money to charity X, Y or Z. Chances are they will not gift you anything, probably they will not even donate. Either way you are free, maybe even helping some people.

[@JDGuitar82]

Great episode this week, no woo woo this time.

[@martamorto33]

I get books from my family, that I don’t read and feel horrible letting it go. 5 books in the past 2 years 🤦‍♀️

[@joeycredible]

Thanks.

[@amonralice]

Oh, the OC/DC in Josh when seeing Ryan's home! 🤩

[@kraichellecurren7892]

28:51 Do it🎉Do it🎉Do it🎉 That is brilliant. Don’t sleep on it… please 😬

[@kimberlyjohnson6052]

Thank you! ❤

[@imbonnie]

suggestions for gifts: ask them to only get you consumables.

[@gerigowers8318]

Re: Unwanted gifts. Perhaps instead of a physical gift, they could express that instead they could use the gift of an experience instead or perhaps suggest the gift giver donate to one of the receiver's favorite charities. This way, both sides can feel satisfied.

[@carolannstevens5814]

I give my kids money for Christmas. My grown children can use the money for whatever they need or want. I also give money for their birthdays. They get what they want.

[@justcarineinparis]

24:51 that is what thrift stores are for 😉

[@kolitiokada9825]

Where has free rein gotten you? Lotsa shtuff! Boundaries offer up creative ways to un-shtuff!

[@lambsauce1468]

I don't have any built in cupboards in my bedrooms and I don't want to buy any cupboards so I have lots of boxes of stuff. I'm trying to limit the number of boxes.

[@oliviacarroll6761]

Piqua down to Florence Ya'll??!!! Whoa!

[@lydiasharp6070]

Thanks guys

[@kensiblonde4203]

Ugh. This is me. I still have all my yearbooks and old journals. 😂🤮

[@jackie6903]

I am interested to find out why Josh takes ice baths.

[@paccarcrap]

Take pictures of the graffiti note books etc.

[@kensiblonde4203]

It’s not the same. Also if you only have a cell phone camera they don’t take good photos. And if you’re low vision like me it’s hard to view photos online.

[@ohthankg-dforthebourgeoisi9800]

ice baths 😐

[@lihimizrahi5157]

Maybe instead of giving you gifts you do not want, physical possessions, they will be willing to donate money in your name to a charity of your choice?

[@aannaak]

Family want to be nice to yoi and gice you a Christmas present anyway. So give them idea wha would you like to get. Maybe a gift card to your favourite clotes store or for some experience yoi dream about but is quite expensive so you can ask them to collect money all together and give you one gift as a money ot voucher for the experience.