The Trick to saying NO Confidently & Without Guilt! ❌ (Minimalist Family Life 2019)

[@susanharkema2888]

I love how you outlined what busy and not busy looks like, specifically. That's super helpful...symptoms and consequences.

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you Susan!!

[@donnahuntwork3086]

I always felt like I needed to give a reason for saying no. Then I decided it's nobody's business what my reasons are, and now I say, "Oh, that won't work for me/us." It's been very freeing!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Yes!! Amen Donna!!! ♥️

[@DebbyeCannon]

A college business professor suggested not to give your reasons. His thought was that gave the recipient the opportunity (or a bit of permission) to decide (pass judgement) if it was a good enough reason. There is too much judgement in the world already so I personally try to avoid creating more. 😉. If you encounter a nosey-Rosie’s question (as my mother called them) just reply, with a grin or a wink....”I don’t believe I said”😉

[@NightBear007]

WE always say " We would love to but can't fit it in at this time" or "So sorry we have a prior commitment" (which is our family;)

[@TheMinimalMom]

Love this!! So good!!! ♥️

[@Chariots1981]

Being the Minimal Mom, you are giving advice for mothers but what you are saying is just as applicable for people without children. Being able to say "no" in order to give yourself (and partner and children) some free time to decompress is absolutely necessary for good health, especially mental health. Your videos are really so helpful for everyone IMHO.

[@bonikrous9216]

I really like the idea of doubling or tripling the time and money commitment! I never thought of it like that, but totally makes sense. Really puts it into perspective. Thank you for your wisdom. The Lord has put you in the right place doing these videos. I can't tell you how many times you have helped me and many others. Thank you!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Soooooo glad to hear this Boni, Thank you!!!! ♥️

[@DebbyeCannon]

Dawn, you are absolutely right with your practice of doubling! This is probably the main reason people are worn out, constantly late and over budget. Activities require time to prepare (at least get dressed, assemble equipment and go) and usually time afterward to complete (laundry, putting gear away, practice lessons,etc) This is a big reason so many struggle managing their time. This is a priceless skill to teach your family. It will pay dividends now with less tension and later as the kids grow into responsible time managers of their lives.

[@leslieb4553]

Yes and Amen to kids not being involved in all the” activities.” I don’t know how some families keep up with that lifestyle it sounds draining. I like your style of saying no and staying home👍❤️

[@renee7477]

I don't know how they do it either. Being on the go too much stresses me out, and I feel anxious, grumpy and resentful that we're not having enough family down time. And I'm a social, outgoing person who feels this way!🤷‍♀️ Dawn is right on about the cortisol levels when we're overly busy!

[@lynnsalberg5647]

When I was growing up we only did one activity at a time . We had dinner at home and never rushed around . I tried to do that with my kids with the exception of travel sports which we eventually stopped . I agree kids need time for free play and school work.

[@angelahagemeyer698]

I love this. I frequently say no to extra curricular activities that friends are always trying to drag us into. I think sometimes they want us to be as miserable as they are! Seriously, I see dear friends who are exhausted, broke and with grumpy kids and it is so easy for me to see it us because they NEVER stop going to some activity. I too grew up with a mom who said, "Go play." That was the BEAUTY of summer, pure kid freedom. Great video, so glad you made it, wish more people could get it!

[@OldWorldHome]

Dawn this was SO good. We are on Easter break this week and I have already seen the benefit of letting the girls just play outside for hours. People asked me what I had planned for the week but honestly we are having a great time just being home! No to one thing means yes to another, that is a fantastic mindset shift ✨💛

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you Hilary!!! 😘

[@laurenlearns7449]

This one is hard for me, how do you answer the question "what are your plans this weekend?" I want our plans to be nothing at home. Lol but that sounds lame and I feel like people don't understand!

[@PinkieJoJo]

We have done staycations the last two summers and honestly I love it. No prepping and planning. No worrying about my dogs or spending a fortune on going somewhere just to come home after a week exhausted and ready for a vacation. Haha. We have a pool, board games, music, and a grill. That is all we really need in our home for a good summer vacation.

[@helenheggadon6324]

I love this. I have recently scaled back on my commitments. Including paid work for a friend. I felt guilty as he was paying me, but felt resentful of losing the time. In the end I was just honest, thanked him for the opportunity, and explained that I had goals I wanted to prioritise and could no longer offer the commitment. We are still great friends and message each other monthly to spur each other on.

[@HolisticHomemaker]

I resonate with this so much!! Since becoming a stay at home home I find myself feeling guilty if we don’t have a full schedule with an activity everyday. Though after you add in groceries, chores, food, sleep, the frequent appointments of little ones and expecting another child... it’s just SO packed. After a busy week out house feels neglected and instead of reading a book or having a bath to relax I’m pushing myself harder in the evenings to pick up the slack of not being home. It’s like a roller coaster that’s speeding up and you feel dizzy and like you’re about to fall off 🙈

[@ashleyemma4954]

Yes! I agree totally. I kept trying to bring the kids to the playground or something fun every day but then I get behind on everything.

[@TheMinimalMom]

Well said! You're definitely not alone feeling this way!!

[@Enginejen]

Very well said!

[@NaturallyBrittany]

My struggle is getting invited to do things that require just me (mama of 4) personally. I don’t think people understand how difficult it is to get away, even if it’s just for a few hours. My kids are ages 3-7, and even if my husband is home, like if I don’t have to get a sitter, it’s still very difficult and I only have a couple opportunities in a week to get out without them. My struggle is finding a good way to tell them that it’s not something that I want to prioritize because of my limited time. I’m such a people pleaser too! But my spirituality, my kids, and my marriage has to come first!

[@karenm656]

I am also a mum of 4. Mine are now 13-7. But I remember that season when they were younger and feeling that struggle to get out and help out in different things. A phrase I found helpful that an older lady talked to me about was that it is the season of life I am in right now. I could give myself some slack and say, im sorry, it's just the season of life im in right now, it's difficult for me. I've recently started a blog-not much on it yet - but it's on faith, motherhood, womanhood, and general life issues. you're welcome to have a wee read. inhisstrength.org

[@jg2923]

Liked the explanation of why a less busy schedule is a good thing and how you have seen the benefits. I have an only child, a six year old. At first I had him in some after school gym classes but he told me it was too tiring for him. Since stopping those we have had more unstructured time to connect and as you mentioned, as the relationship is strengthened behavior issues decrease. It’s been fun to also have him help me make dinner. He feels a sense of accomplishment. As for the summer, he will have some summer camps. I feel that if we had more children we would plan less but the summer is really long to not have other kids around. Otherwise I plan on us just exploring fun spots together at our own pace.

[@sherrytee2962]

'Being behind' 😢 Story of my life! Great, beautifully explained examples as usual.

[@andreagorham1985]

Dawn, you are a smart mama! Keep doing what you’re doing because no one thinks you’re weird and your kids will be all the better for it❤️

[@TheMinimalMom]

Hahaha, THANK YOU Andrea, I really appreciate that!!! 😊♥️

[@valentineyoung1450]

I'm at the other end of life; we are retired and I'm willing to help neighbors, but it can get a bit much and my husband has encouraged me, insisted actually, that I say "No" at times. Like you Dawn, I'm a people pleaser, but it has been helpful to this one neighbor to back off from doing too much for her. Now she can experience the positive self esteem of being a little more independent. I take her shopping when I need to go rather than when she phones to let me know she is out of something and wants to go when she wants to. Or I offer to pick something up if I'm going to that particular place. It has improved our relationship. Both our needs are met and I don't feel 'put upon'. I'm so glad you and Diane share your faith as well as sharing household and family minimizing tips.

[@karenm656]

Totally agree with this. I have learned to say no a lot too. I grew up with those kind of summers too. Saying no...I say things like "sorry, but I can't commit to anything else right now" or "sorry, but that won't really work for our family right now".

[@Angela-os4hk]

I feel very blessed. My 14 year old son is content with 2 nights of playing Minecraft, weekly trips to Library, ice cream, and the occasional Lego set. 👱💙 Great video as always💜 Less is enough.

[@TheMinimalMom]

This is awesome!! Good job mom!!!

[@Angela-os4hk]

@@TheMinimalMom Thanks!

[@asawagerman8973]

Once again you said just what I needed to hear❤️ We have Soccer practice 4 nights a week right now, and a 45 min drive to get there... Its breaking my spirit. We live by the biggest lake in Sweden so we don’t go anywhere in the summer! Love the peace and calm.

[@TheMinimalMom]

45 minutes, that's quite the drive!

[@conniestanton2273]

Åsa WågermanÅsaW I sympathise with you. I have one kid in basketball and training or games most nights of the week including similar driving times. He plans to make it professionally though so pulling out isn’t an option ☹️

[@asawagerman8973]

Connie Stanton my son told me ”I’m going to be a better than Zlatan and I’ll Buy you a big house because you drive me every time”😁! He is nine years Old....

[@emilymacdavid]

I love this! So true. I love having lots of open ended time, we are relaxed and enjoy each other so much more.

[@debaustralia2320]

I absolutely agree with you. Mumma of 3. I work full time and hubby does shift work. I used to try and keep up with ALL the activities that my kids wanted to do and that my friend's wanted my kids to join. Not this year. I've quit a committee (still feeling guilty) and kids only have one activity each outside of school and it's much better. I'm calmer, kids have more time to chill and they know I won't say yes to more activities unless they are adding value to our life. Great video Dawn!

[@terristewart6119]

Great video I am going to share! I found that once you start saying no it gets easier with time. Last summer I seemed to lose my ability to say no & ended up having a year of being TOTALLY worn out & feeling resentful. So this year I felt the LORD was teaching me not to "STRIVE"----I didn't have to try to please everyone & didn't feel like I HAD to pick up everyone else's s vacation time, etc.(I needed a little more "Mary" to balance out my " Martha-ness.) Keep up these wonderful videos! You are ministering to many!

[@Katy_living_simply]

Yes! Wonderful video and timing. Especially for the downtime of summer, parents and people want to fill it up with "SO MUCH STUFF!" If you keep practicing on saying no, when the holidays roll around again you will be a CHAMP! One thing I did notice from saying no, is that people invite you to things THEY think are fun, not considering if you're even into the subject whatever it may be, or they don't consider the amount of effort it would take to just go and do it when you have little kids... all the planning and preparation it takes when you have a family. Also, when these people continuously hear a "no" from you, they are more likely (in my experience) to be selective in WHAT kind of events they invite you to. Or how often. And yes it may be "weird" at the beginning always being a debbie downer, but they get used to it and so do your kids. Once you discuss with them how it's not just a "quick trip to disneyland"... the planning, time and investment it takes... if you take the time to explain it to them later on they start getting the idea and don't get mad or upset/throw a fit, because they understand why. ALSO*** DO NOT SAY YES TO COMMITMENTS that REQUIRE and ANSWER RIGHT NOW! If they don't offer you the respect to have the time to discuss it or even process the information or commitment it might take. JUST SAY NO. That's how we end up in deep waters begrudgingly doing something EVEN IF ITS FOR A GOOD CAUSE!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Well said Sonia!!!

[@margaretfinney6546]

I have been saying no to invitations to showers and weddings, anniversary parties, get to know baby parties, etc.to people that I haven’t seen in years, and to be honest did not miss, for a couple of years now and I have to say it has been so FREEING!!!! I have decided in my old age that if I do not enjoy going to these occasions, why should I pretend to enjoy them. You discovered this at a much younger age and I agree with you 100%. I think a lot of people go and do out of guilt. I so enjoy my peaceful home and heart without stressing over what to wear and what to buy for someone I don’t really know or for people I do know, and don’t like.ha. Try it you will love it.

[@susiemccoy7]

I began decluttering my home last Oct. My friends asked why I didn't want to go places with them anymore. I replied" I have decluttered my home & made it more like a B & B and I enjoy being in my home more. I would always encourage them to stop in anytime. I realized I went out to eat with them a lot because I didn't want to admit I needed to declutter & organize my home. Now, I've begun another journey of IF & working on my body clutter. I'm loving it. Dawn, I am so thankful I found your videos. You are such a blessing to me. Living a simpler life & living it💙 Susie

[@CassieW-97]

I appreciate this video so much. I have finally learned that no is an answer and I DO NOT have to justify my decision. I love my minimalized life.

[@lorenaballou4513]

I agree and it has really freed our family from the unwanted stress of trying to keep up with society around us. Before getting married I lived with my aunt and uncle in the "country" and I didn't realize how much I craved this slower way of life. I live in the middle of a big city now, but I still live by those standards--like saying no to extra activities on Sundays😌

[@sharonschirman4190]

I should of taken this advice when my kids were little. I didn't make the connection between my stress and everything I had them signed up in, and I had them in EVERY activity because I thought I was doing the right thing. Hopefully others will learn from you! I'm still learning how to scale back. Thanks for the reminders!

[@Cristien84]

Hi Dawn! Thank you for this No video 😆 It has been a while since I commented on your videos, but for me it is also very hard to say no! So thank you I also like the Sunday vids with your sister! Keep them coming unless, if you ever want to say no to this youtube thing 😄😄

[@TheMinimalMom]

Hahaha, this made me smile!! Thank you for commenting AND for watching AND for the kind words-- I greatly appreciate it!!! 😊

[@enjoyinglifewithsuzie375]

The don’t make us look weird thing, totally relate! I just switched rooms with my three boys and minimized their room and ours. My husband wasn’t wanting to do it but did it for me. Now he admitted he loves the way things are now!❤️ Activity wise, I like one activity at a time. Right now my 9 yr old wants to do karate, however I don’t want to get talked into a long program because when school starts again I want him focused on just that. So I’m signing him up just for the summer since he’s a new student. Win, win. He gets to participate but I don’t break the bank!👍

[@conniestanton2273]

As always you make great points and I would love to step off the crazy treadmill myself (but with 3 teens and a family business that’s not realistic). Without disagreeing with you I want to caution against isolating our family “bubbles” from the wider community. Activities for kids- yes - we can definitely cut back there! But when it comes to developing relationships through invitations or involvement with church “family” I think it’s different and calls for more balance and wisdom. I don’t know what it’s like in the US but here in Australia people are increasingly becoming insular in their family units and dislocated from their wider communities.

[@karenmarcon2654]

I’m a retired teacher and kudos to you for letting your kids just be kids! Play outside! Not gaming inside or signed up in every event possible is a difficult thing for parents to do but it’s worth it. Children have to have time to be creative, play fairly with one another and learn how to problem solve with each other. They also need fresh air and exercise.

[@luthergirl106]

Dawn, thank you thank you for all your wonderful videos!!!!! I have a very hard time saying NO.... this video had the most amazing tips, and great encouragement! Thank you

[@haleyrose0702]

Wow! God used this so much in my life today. Thank you for sharing! Huge burden lifted and practical tips added.

[@TheMinimalMom]

SO glad to hear this!!! ♥️

[@jacobsroom12]

This made me tear up. It's true! Thankful for this video.

[@Murphy-xm1yp]

I love you. You freaking keep it real

[@sjwestmo]

Great advice! My kids are all teens and we’re still living this way and watching everyone around us stress and struggle

[@ruthportway5198]

Great idea doubling or tripling the cost. It applies just as much to adults commitments and will help me to say no to events I am invited to join tfs

[@Enginejen]

YES YES YES! Our summers are so peaceful and chill! We don’t even do vacation bible school, something that DOES make us look weird in our neck of the woods, but I don’t care. I will not let my schedule steal my peace. Save for a week of swimming lessons, we pretty much stick to playing on the farm and hanging out with our animals. We’re also pretty chill during the school year too. We’ve tried different activities (it adds up with five kids!), but ultimately the KIDS themselves chose against lots of activities, because even at young ages they’ve learned to recognize that they feel better when they have more down time. What a gift to learn that so young!

[@lauriemcmillan2643]

The first thing alone would keep a lot of people out of trouble. I wish I had done that before making commitments. It always costs more money and time than we think. Thanks!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Right Laurie!?! I used to think we were the only ones who that happened to ;)

[@kelseyd4196]

Definitely love this! Thank you Dawn for helping us with a tricky subject we all deal with! I've always remembered a great piece of advice I got years ago that is SO helpful! When someone asks you to do something on the spot (be it in person, on the phone, etc) tell them, "Ooh, you know what? Let me get back to you on that." Then quickly wrap up your convo nicely and hang up/walk away. THEN you've bought yourself that PRICELESS time to yourself to think **Do I really want to do that thing?** without that person breathing down your neck making you feel pressured on the spot. Even just 5 minutes to think can make a world of difference! I've always been grateful for that advice! And just because you might have the time, money or skills to do something doesn't mean you ALWAYS have to step in and do it.

[@lorettavalenta]

You are a wise mom! I wish I was that wise when my kiddos were young. I am going to suggest your KZbin channel to my daughter who is expecting her first baby!😁💕

[@kristensmith80]

Great advice. My oldest 2 kids (8th and 5th grades) are very busy with dance and theater. They absolutely love it and it's a big commitment for our whole family. BUT they have become very good at saying no when offered other activities. I admire that and follow suit and because of that, I'm happy to feed their passions even though it makes a couple of nights each week very busy. My first grader (also a dancer) on the other hand wants to do everything offered, tries to make her own plans and playdates and fusses at me when I say no to a new commitment. My husband usually caves and says he'll just take her, but I'm starting to take a hard line. She gets burned out when we overcommit and while she's happy to do the activity presented, she's not happy to do her nightly reading for school or to take a shower or eat dinner. I'm learning the value of saying no so that she can focus her energy in the right places. Thank you for your tips and for confirming that it's ok to scale back and say no.

[@elizabethrank6447]

This video was mentioned in the Facebook group, and I decided to re-watch it… This has been my biggest lesson during shelter in place. I am so much calmer, less stressed and I’m sleeping better than I have in years! The decision has been taken out of our control for a period of time, and I want to find a better middle ground moving forward. 💞

[@d.watkins8302]

All I can say is AMEN🙏🏻! My husband and I too realize we only have our children with us for a short time and we are not willing to share those short years running them everywhere, stresses out as a family💕It’s ok if we look weird, because in the end we will have so many extra memories with our children that they can appreciate for a lifetime💕I love you and your channel Dawn!!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Amen!!! And thank you!!!

[@nataliehoward6061]

Hi Dawn, UK subscriber here, after an accident last year that kept me home for 6 months I realised I didn't love being in my own home - Just too much of everything, smothering me......mainly kid related! Found your videos and 💗 them, so practical, most helpful so far kids clothes, my son has a small room, no wardrobe just a chest of drawers, pulling out and counting what he had.....GENIUS!!! Kind of related to this video I find my 2 play much better together when outside in the garden , they make up games together, or separately and are generally nicer to each other, get them in the house (even in separate rooms) they bicker, so when the sun shines it's "tablets down and go outside" - I think today's children have so much less independence that we did, in the UK at least, you wouldn't let your children play outside alone so in my opinion letting them play by themselves makes them think for themselves. Have a good day, look forward to your next post x

[@helenazeristruchelut678]

Thanks Dawn! I will use the No BUT method ... A simple No disapoints People so I will work on my answer! Great video and tips!

[@denisek5208]

Such great advice! We don't have kids but my husband & I love all outdoor activities... this will help me think thru what to say 'no, but...'

[@nicolehenry6668]

We are definitely on the same page! We allow our boys one activity at a time, and strive to keep Sunday for just family time ( including “ no” to birthday parties unless it’s family) Summer is very low key! I look forward to the break from the busy school week just as much as they do! I aim for 1 “ fun day “ & 1” library day” out each week, other than that we just let them enjoy being kids!

[@kathybradshaw3858]

the phrase "this is what I can do for you" and the phrase "let me get back to you (time)"....these help me.

[@sandi6818]

I had those kinds of summers too. My kids have the summer off!!! They love just relaxing, playing and seeing friends.

[@Isuzu_sohma_san]

I really enjoy your videos and have begun my own minimalist journey as a result. It has been a such relief and energizing to get rid of my clutter. But this video really struck a chord with me personally and as a therapist who specializes in treating anxiety. Difficulty saying "No" is a common challenge my clients face. I especially loved the advice about doubling the time and financial commitment, that makes it easier to think about what might actually be involved and gives more permission to say "No" when we really need to, but don't want to. I even shared it to my personal Facebook page. Thanks for your insight and sharing!

[@mwajw3445]

Thank you! I am surrounded by people (including my husband) who think that all free time should be filled with activities or seeing friends or family. It’s hard being different and not wanting to constantly be ‘busy ‘ 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@brittianybidondo7899]

Amen for you! From one people pleaser to another!

[@lifewiththelucasgang]

YES YES YES!!! All of this. We probably seem weird because we're pretty selective on what we spend our time and money in but it's because I want to feel peace.

[@TheMinimalMom]

Amen!!!

[@angiewooldridge5822]

Love your videos so much!! I’m also a wife & mom of 4 kiddos same ages as yours so your videos are so encouraging to me! Thank you for encouraging us & sharing your gift!! I’m also a people pleaser through n through & a tip I received from a counselor was to just say something along the lines of “I have an appointment then” or “I’m already committed to something at that time” even if technically I don’t have something on the calendar.. the appointment is with myself or for myself! 💗

[@lubnan08]

I've reduced my going out and it's been great being home. I enjoyed my simplified home.

[@Julie-ok5fr]

Happy "unbusy" but happily productive Wednesday😊😊I don't know if anyone else noticed your passion on this subject...so much so, that I could see your visibly raised stress levels just while you even (talked about) being too busy! I used to struggle with saying "no" and when I did, I was plagued with terrible guilt. These days, saying "no thanks" just comes more naturally to me. Maybe it is age and maturity, haha Thank you for the ideas about saying no with grace. Go you!!! for helping us and encouraging us on this topic. This can be real & life-changing for everyone! I pray many will hear this. This was one of my favorite topics that you have talked about so far. You presented it so well, from every angle. Bless you🌼

[@rachellebennett4020]

Right there with you! Wish I had this when my boys were younger. This is so good for us adults as well. I can totally overbook myself and feel stressed. Thank you

[@samzman9]

A tip that has helped me is putting the daily normal life things in my Google calendar. Like "Get kids ready & morning chores", "Breakfast & clean up", "make, eat and clean up dinner", etc. That way I can visually see what my day really looks like. It makes you realize how little time you have to give to other things and also holds me more accountable to MY priorities. I make all commitments a different color and set alarms and reminders for them but this really helps me visually.

[@victorianeal9494]

You are so inspiring, I am a mom of four myself this past week I’ve been in such a rut! I’ve kept your KZbin videos playing in the background throughout my days and it has been a game changer! I appreciate you sharing your heart,family, and tips!

[@johnjerusha]

Yes! This is all so true. I especially love how you say to focus on what you are saying Yes to by saying No to something else. This is so good for me because I can now see the positives of saying no to something. I use to feel guilty for my children or family missing out on this that and the next thing but by saying No I have actually just said Yes to all the really important priorities that my family values and that makes me feel so much better! - Jerusha

[@christyfoster4996]

Thank you thank you!! I’m a homeschooling mama and everyone encourages us to get involved in a group, which we did last year. However this encourages me to just say no and be content with our family unit and having a stress free(less) home! Your videos are always so encouraging!!!

[@katic266]

Oh wow, I really needed to hear this today!! My husband and I have often talked about how we struggle to say no and the impact it has on our family. I loved your practical advice and am definitely going to put it in place. Thank you soooo much!!!!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Glad to hear Kati!!

[@elizabethlasseigne5361]

I WISH I had access to videos like this when my kids were little. One thing I would have done differently is encourage recreational sports rather than the more serious and time consuming travel sports. I can say no, as a grandmother, to the upcoming requests for school help. I will be much more choosy without apology. Thank you for your amazing videos!!!!!

[@stsmusicstudio5792]

Can you recommend some recreational sports? I'd love for my son to learn to catch and throw a ball, because I never did. But don't all sports require traveling once you reach mid elementary age?

[@tiffanygarthwaite702]

I love this! (and all your videos) The tip you give on calculating the activity time and doubling it is brilliant!! So blessed to hear this now while my kids are still very young. I also love how you live so Intentionally and are very deliberate about the decisions you make for your family. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.

[@autumnsalis3095]

I’ve noticed how much better my family’s life has been these past couple weeks of my maternity leave. Granted the 1st month with my newborn was pretty crazy, but the 2nd month was so great! It’s been so nice to be home with my kids. Since I don’t have to work I have kept the house cleaner, made basically all our meals at home, and just noticed how peaceful it’s been. I’m able to give more attention to my kids and husband which has made all our relationships better. As I prepare to return to work, I’ve been trying to figure out how to keep more of this balance in our lives!

[@carrieyeager952]

We are the odd family out in our circle of friends. Everyone we know has crazy schedules with their kids and it is impossible to try to even get together with them, they are never free, it’s really frustrating. Plus, the parents are always exhausted and honestly, a couple of my close friends are always mentioning problems they have with their kids, whether behavioral or whatever. There is a big part of me that thinks their crazy schedules are to blame. My husband and I are always flabbergasted at how these families are constantly running from one activity to another. We have one kiddo, she is almost 13. We can’t even imagine having multiple kids in multiple activities. We eat dinner together every night, we watch movies together, play board games, go swimming.... I feel that we have a very close relationship with our daughter even though she is about to enter her teen years. I wouldn’t trade our nightly and weekend family time for anything. Having your children being well rounded doesn’t have to come from doing constant activities, over time the interest in those things can fade, but the relationship we have built and are continuing to build with our daughter is truly a blessing. To everyone else we might be odd or look crazy, but when I look at those families dragging unwilling children to their siblings activities and eating in the car, I think they might be the crazy ones! Good on you for following your instincts to not over schedule your kids. It’s been working like a charm for us for almost 13 years! Blessings to you and your beautiful, sweet family!

[@maryrodenbeek1895]

Thank you for this! I'm thinking it's time to step back and reevaluate our schedules, too. Your videos/channel are so inspirational and fun to watch!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you so much Mary!! ♥️

[@cinnie2543]

Awesome. Such a good point about how we grew up. We played board games and lots of 'pretend'...we were island princesses, we were mothers of our kitties and we dressed them in doll clothes, we played hide and seek. We packed bag lunches and went on hikes.

[@debbiew7140]

Thank you, Dawn! I really appreciate you speaking up about this. It is so easy to feel pressured by other people and second guess our decisions to keep a simplified schedule. Thank you for validating the need for it!

[@Soo_Blessed]

I was a could not say NO mom my grown daughter has followed suit. I can really see how it affects HER daughters but could not see how it affected my own Until l literally almost crashed and burned. my daughter overbooks herself until it's become an issue with her health My Old school thinking being a Christian I needed to do all things and never say no and now trying to explain it to my daughter she can't see It's like anything else dysfunctional in a family and it truly is dysfunctional. So wonderful to hear you don't just let your life happen because your soooo 'busy' great to hear your choices for your children and family Dawn follow what God lays on your heart Some people unknowingly get so busy doing they don't realize God's not first anymore " Busy is " I'm glad He laid this on your heart It will help many people

[@simplesgood7694]

Excellent video, Dawn!! My husband and I are empty nesters but we are part of the sandwich generation. I find it easy to say no to everyone except my own family. We get much to busy caring for family members. The trouble is that I know their situations so well and can sense that they have a very real need for help. Meanwhile things become stressful and extremely difficult for us and our coping.We would appreciate any thoughts you have on this. I know we are at a different life stage but “crazy town” happens here too and our relationship and life suffers.

[@TheMinimalMom]

Ah yes, I see my parents faced with this and at times I've wanted to help my family in ways that Tom wasn't comfortable with. What I've had to realize is that I'm no one's savior...I can make an impact, but I've never been able to "save" anyone from their circumstances. I've gained this perspective over time and its helped me to bring things into balance...we've had family members that have had financial difficulty and would ask for reasonable amounts of money, but the problem was, it never was enough to get them out of their circumstances so it really wasn't actually helpful, it just seemed to prolong their struggle and them getting to the breaking point where they finally decided to help themselves. So, I'm learning to look at the situation and say "what can I do to help that won't unfairly compromise our family life" (KNOWING that our family believes we're called to feed the hungry, heal the sick and take care of the widow and orphan--so this is an important aspect of our life that we want to model to our kids) and recognizing who is truly in need and who has learned how to manipulate help from others instead of enabling themselves.

[@simplesgood7694]

Thanks so much Dawn for your caring and thoughtful reply. I feel that Jesus likes to see us live a life of reaching out to others truly in need as well. I agree with you that sometimes people can learn to manipulate adeptly. We are trying so hard to live a life of wise balance so that our family receives NEEDED help but like you say, keeping in mind that we as a couple have needs too. We are both people that function so much better in our own relationship and in our relationships with family members if we have a fair amount of down time. Retired people can be mistaken for people who have nothing to do 😳😅. Ei-yi-yi!!!!!! I guess everyone needs to decide what is wise and do-able for themselves to live a calm, peaceful but thoughtful life. Trusting my own judgement on this hasn’t been easy for me since my kids have grown and are raising their own families. When they were younger, it was clear. They were priority #1!!! Thanks so much Dawn for listening and for your thoughts. I appreciate you!!

[@CandiceNance]

I'm so grateful for you sharing your thoughts on this. I feel as though not many people around me are anti busy culture and I appreciate hearing someone else chime in and say it! Thanks!

[@amiehegeman]

The one hour of outside time per day has been huge! We implemented that when I watched your other video and that has been quite a game changer. This summer aside from a big travel trip, we haven’t planned on anything. I’m really over the whole summer camp thing. Thanks Dawn!

[@TheMinimalMom]

This is really cool to hear Amie!!

[@ashleyemma4954]

Doubling the time is genius. Also if you schedule in date night or family game night etc. as a weekly recurring event, you can pull out your phone and look at your calendar and tell someone you already have plans that night every week when someone asks you to do something.

[@TheMinimalMom]

Oh yes, that is a great point about scheduling in family activities-- love that!!!

[@gingerhails2561]

Dawn I just love your videos. They are such an inspiration. My family of 4 have started to de clutter and I’m already seeing a difference in just two weeks. We have a long way to go but baby steps are getting us closer. Thank you for all your advice and encouragement.

[@TheMinimalMom]

So glad to hear this Ginger!!! Way to go!!! ♥️

[@thepioneer1235]

Love your honesty about kids and stress.

[@sdion4359]

Thank you for your wonderful videos, they are so easy to follow and very practical. Thanks!!!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank YOU! I really appreciate that 😊

[@getliftedup2905]

I love telling people we already have something planned for that evening (for something we may get invited to). What I've learned is, it is a good thing to schedule or plan to be home with our family and JUST RELAX and enjoy time together. That is our scheduled activity! Yay!!

[@1955aline]

You are so wright... pushing kids to multiple activities is so stressful for them, let them find out, what they realy want to do, what they realy like.... let them become persons who don’t depend of the judgement of others....

[@KongandGozilla]

This is something that I am hugely passionate about! I have a similar problem, in that I am people pleaser and I love to be involved and included but I will wear my family out myself included. I started working on changing my attitude from “why not?“ To “why should I?“ That helps a lot. For me, since I have younger kids, it’s not so much the kid activities but the serving opportunities at church for me that get me in trouble. I’m working hard on praying a lot before taking on new commitments.

[@aimtok]

We are planning on officially starting homeschooling in the fall but have been doing "school" with our 5 year old already. I'm a stay at home mom and have noticed on the days we're not as structured she has a blast playing, pretending and going outside. I have backed off on "school" and found a good sweet spot. Do some activities and reading and then let her be a kid! I found that I was having it more structured because I thought I "should" and people keep asking about her schooling. Letting go of the unspoken expectations of our culture and friends can be freeing. I'm a work in progress though!!

[@minimalshift2331]

I will be starting my 5th year of homeschooling in the fall and it still holds true for my 4th grader (and twin kindergarteners). The days we can explore, do science experiments, go and see things, enjoy life together and SO much more pleasant than the days we pack in a full day's worth of "school". I still totally consider myself a work in progress - and have become a little more unstructured each year.

[@aimtok]

Thank you so much! That's an encouragement!

[@jacobsroom12]

This is just the best video for modern day moms...well, like modern day everyone. Thank you so much!! I also LOVE THE IDEA of doubling the time and money commitment. Genius.

[@lauemiands]

I still have trouble saying no sometimes, but it is getting easier. My kids have been home every summer. I work from home and have had to manage my own hours which has meant I have been saying no more than usual and keeping my schedule to very specific times. The kids enjoy the free time more and have opted to stay home. This is the first my son has requested a summer camp and my daughter requested guitar lessons.

[@lovinlife5461]

I absolutely love this topic. My kids are teenagers and they decided to stop school sports. At the Senior and Sophmore Level. They have done organized sports since they were in first grade. I am so happy they made the decision to stop. I wasn’t at first but am now. We are doing more family things and it’s so much more enjoyable then chasing them around to different gyms.

[@carlajilek2506]

Yes you are and good for you. Kids now a days don’t know what sitting down to a family meal is like. They run to much .

[@helenazeristruchelut678]

Thank you Dawn, you know how to explain what is sometimes hard for us!! Great video !!! I will apply what you teach! Take care.

[@gayusripathy]

We live in USA but our native is India, I take my kids for 100 days long vacation to explore the beauty of our place where I grow up, it's a good experience for them. Thank you for such a wonderful video ❤️

[@pattiharrison1211]

Great advice. Wish I learned this when I was young, like you. I did eventually learn that saying no is not being mean and/or antisocial, etc. , but I was about 10 years into doing things I really didn’t have time , energy, money to do and(although I did get through things) before I finally learned to set boundaries with my time , thus losing a lot of joy in doing other things I loved and I was tired all the time.

[@lynnecunningham6986]

Great ideas...one of my daughters over schedules, in my opinion. I always enjoyed summers and the freedom to just be home. Cute top! And your hair looks cute, too!

[@barbaraferreira9048]

Thanks Dawn, this is so helpful! I struggle with saying 'no' but to have the 'no but' version makes it a lot easier!

[@francyduska556]

I love your videos. Your practical tips are so helpful, especially when you talk about mind shifts. You have encouraged me to start decluttering. Soon I will even address my paper clutter!

[@Jessiemadanat]

I seriously love your channel

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you Jessie, I greatly appreciate that 😊

[@renee7477]

This is SO GOOD!!! Shared it on Facebook!

[@karend6491]

Every yes is a no and every no is a yes. Think about it, everytime you say yes to anything you're saying no to something else and vice versa. This was life changing when I first heard it.

[@fourkidsandafixerupper4106]

This is so good 🙌💞 and I can say it's true for my family, too. This past September I said no to everything for this school year except one fall sport and it has changed our lives in so many ways you mentioned. I just feel like God called us to a season of rest so we could take this same step back and focus on simplifying our home and schedules and nurturing our relationships. It has been odd to navigate such a drastic change that feels so countercultural, like you said, but I am so grateful we did it. It has been so soul-filling to feel so present in our own lives for a change and make time for things we never "had time" to do before. It's been amazing! 💞 I highly recommend it, too! 🙌💞

[@TheMinimalMom]

SO glad you shared this, I know it will inspire others!! Not easy but SOOO worth it!!!!

[@JCCJKC04]

We lived overseas until my first born was almost three. When we moved back to the US, one of the first things I started noticing was the cultural pressure to be involved in so many (good) things. You felt like a bad mom if you weren't getting your kid signed up for this or that, or at least that is what it felt like. Now, with three kids, I have tried to keep our schedule not too busy, because it only takes a few extras to stress me out, and then fall behind with the "regular" stuff at home. Now my kids are getting a little older (11, 8, and 6), and they are noticing that other kids are doing this sport, and that activity, and think it's weird that we don't do all of those things. Our kids to Awana on Wednesday nights, and we've kept it to one sport (per family) at a time, plus all the "regular" school and church activities, but it's getting harder to keep from getting busier as they get older. Do you have any tips or ideas of what to do when the kids are wanting to do more activities?

[@TheMinimalMom]

That's a really good question, this has come up when we don't let them do sleep overs or we don't have as many Christmas gifts or other kids eat hot lunch and they have to pack their lunch or they have the Target brand American Girl doll and not the "real" one or we don't do elaborate treat bags for birthday parties or we don't buy new clothes, we buy almost everything second hand...and the answer is always the same "we do what is best for our family and they do what is best for their family"...sometimes we discuss how we like to direct our money towards vacations or so that I can stay home with them and that means we don't use it for other things, it depends how seriously they are inquiring...sometimes they seem to "get it" other times they don't, but I'm resolved that its what is best for our family and if they don't understand it all now, they will someday!

[@andreeadehelean6895]

Wow! One of the best of your videosI have seen! Great one! Thank you very much for this tips! God bless you and your family!

[@jannamccuistion5036]

Love, love, love! All your videos are so helpful, encouraging, and inspiring! Thank you for sharing your life on this platform!

[@TheMinimalMom]

Thank you so much Janna!!! ♥️

[@marijkekohler574]

This is such a helpful video, also if you don't have kids. I paused the video a few times throughout to immediately pick up some things around the house, to make it peaceful again, and get some water and tea for myself. I am in a much better place at the end of the video as I was at the beginning of it. Thanks!

[@NightBear007]

Love all of this! Just needed this affirmation and nudge to say NO! ;)