Fearful Avoidants: How to Strengthen Your Self Identity & End People Pleasing (Clips from Webinar)

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Fearful Avoidants: How to Strengthen Your Self Identity & End People Pleasing (Clips from Webinar)
- What does it mean to strengthen your self-identity?
- Core tips to strengthen self-identity
- Ending People-Pleasing
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Thank you for watching!

[@lindylee1139]

During this pandemic and working from home, I realize how much alone time I need and how exhausting my job is when I’m in the office.

[@peacepeach6377]

I am astounded by your thorough understanding of the topics you speak about especially for being so young! What is your educational background? I want to learn what you know!

[@BlaqueCzar]

Definitely need to watch this thoroughly, thanks for the clarification on burnout.

[@aaliyahkay9_]

This makes me angry at my mom because she scared me and didn’t validate me and didn’t completely love me and now I need to do this work.

[@Akayemiix3]

Please remember that she has her own wounds from her own parents, and she didn’t know how.

[@r.k.6483]

Sucks when everyone around me or the people I have known would take it personally and get mad whenever I would say no for my own sake. I have distanced myself from everyone and decided to see why I attracted such people who would not respect my boundaries and had narc traits.

[@randomgod9210]

Thank you so much for your work. It is so validating to finally feel understood and to know that there are practical and accessible methods to work toward healthy boundaries, connections, and independent beliefs and behaviors. I am already better able to identify my protective negative coping mechanisms and knowing that I am not just hopelessly screwed up for life brings joy and hope for true healing instead of fearful shame and retreat into over-analysis. I am looking forward to doing the deeper dive and inner work with The Personal Development School courses.

[@dr.dermixgirlmd7479]

This FA is sold! I just subscribed to PFS. Can’t wait to add more tools to my arsenal so that I can transform my attachment style.

[@marielamesen7594]

Dear Thais Ive seen you through the years and let me tell you that you look gorgeous!!!!! :) Im so happy that you are manifesting as the amazing being that you are!!!!

[@mariacc1911]

Thank you for the information Thais! This video came just in time for me. I have been wondering how and where do I start to get to know my needs since I feel so disconnected from my inner self.

[@radovansurlak7445]

you’ve helped me so much Thais

[@robertmotinka90]

I like this Thais! You are a blessing to us.

[@ShimmerSoulSong]

Even though I feel I'm coming from FA background, I feel like I have a pretty strong sense of self. But could also be improved. I do make myself small at times because I can be a big personality. I got 30% secure on the quiz. I do speak for my needs alot, AND still learning to get clear, but could pay more attention to my bucket being filled.

[@ShimmerSoulSong]

Omg so much emotional needs and fulfilling conversation not met.

[@cloudslady3400]

I hate when I feel very happy at certain times without knowing what exactly lead to that…I feel confused thinking what need exactly got met?

[@andythebro5811]

My personality now consists of negative beliefs, unuseful adaptation patterns (Perfectionsim, controlling environment etc) also high morals and strong preferences. I wonder if your course cover dissociated personality issues, as if I cant sese a strong self internally and find it hard to relate with others "not knowing my place"... Thanks

[@TatiTalks]

Exactly the video I needed right now, Thais. Thank you. xD know what I have to do next. Gonna figure out those personality needs now that I’m in a better place to do it. - FA

[@sarahg2161]

Thais, I appreciate so much how you translate concepts into practical real world practices. Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤️

[@LalaRiivera]

Hi Thais! Thank you so much for charing all of your incredible knowledge. I'm going through a breakup, and it is until now that I can see how I lack boundaries in all of my relationships, and how I don't comunícate my needs, you help so much! Thank you, I wish I could afford your courses, if your videos are this good, the courses must be incredible

[@toninatoli]

They are, @LauraRivera and the community is active, kind and so supportive of each other on the private FB page, and the live webinars. Thais provides so much depth in her courses, webinars and live Q&A.

[@bobbyjean1581]

Hi I am a member but I havent joined the facebook group because I don't want everyone on my friends list seeing I am in the group. I am just a private person. I know the content of the group is private but do you know if your friends list see you are in the group?

[@toninatoli]

@@bobbyjean1581, I don't know about that. I don't believe so. Can you see your friends' groups on FB? I don't think I've ever seen friends' groups. Good luck!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing Toni

[@sw1216]

Love this

[@danaconnolly8574]

Hey Thais, love love all your videos you are spot on,I’m a fearful avoidant learning so much. What if you to tell someone in a very calm and loving manner that “when you don’t reply or (insert issue) it makes me feel like I did something wrong or like I do not matter to you I would really appreciate if you could “insert new action”. What if you try to convey this and they dismiss it and get super defensive. I tried saying something similar to a friend and they cut me off before I could even get to the “what would help” part and they said very angrily “woah I’m not responsible for your feelings. That’s not my fault” and they basically tried starting a fight. I didn’t let them and I tried to explain that’s not what I meant that it is just something that helps me feel secure in the relationship and they didn’t understand. Left and then the next time I saw them it was like nothing ever happened and they went on to repeat the behavior in the future. Did I do something wrong?

[@wendytuck4381]

I have sometimes been able to start with a soft approach, telling them what I like and value about them, and could you help me make it better? I get resentful when you... and it would help me if you ... explained why you didn’t want to do that thing... sometimes when I know what you’re thinking/ feeling, i feel compassion instead of resentment- and I know we can find a way to get that done that we can both live with- I dunno- some people don’t want to hear you no matter how you deliver the message- is it timing? But then you don’t want to walk on eggshells waiting for the “right time”-

[@Lisa3joy]

What do you do if, as a fearful avoidant, express your needs to your partner but they are still not being met and it causes your anger take control?

[@KYRA_FX]

I need to know the answer to this too. I think being patient and understanding that we are both constantly learning from each other is something to take into consideration.

[@adamwood87]

sounds like a question of follow through. it's one thing to express a need, and another to explain what that entails, on top of actually doing it. plus, people get comfortable: time passes, and we just ignore needs or expect someone else to be a mindreader. Thais talks about having weekly checkins: once a week, ask each other if your needs are being met. don't bottle up feelings. be clear about what you need and why you need it. furthermore, if your partner is not securely attached, be clear about what it doesn't mean: as an AP, if an FA tells me they need space, i panic because of what i imagine it means.

[@MellowBellow1]

Lisa, no assumptions being made. But I might assess HOW I express my needs ( non blaming, non demanding and non accusing ?) I’m not saying that you are using those communication strategies. But worth assessing. Using I statements and a slow startup with curiously rather than an assumption. And. ... perhaps is the need not an “other” need, but a you need? It could be: “I feel really upset when you don’t/do leave a mess/don’t tidy up/put the rubbish out ... ...... because I feel you don’t appreciate the work I did/effort I put in/that I tried. ..... and if you could ..( clean the floor/wash the dishes/put the rubbish out) without me asking you to, and have it as your job to do all the time, then it will go off the agenda. ...” I’m not sure what the specific needs are. But the “I feel this when ...” statement and then the solution with positive action can really work. But IF the response is “ ok. You feel bad when I don’t do/do that, then that’s the way you feel and I’m not going to do as you ask. ...” then you know that the boundary is set. And your need WONT be met by your partner. And THEN you assess the next step.

[@r.k.6483]

People have also been petty to me whenever I would decline FaceTime calls by doing it back to me everytime I did it. Especially people I have dated. People suck.

[@hidden_inchrist]

What the heck...get out of my head lmao

[@nataliaturner4845]

right? it's spooky lol :)

[@nafisaiddrisu9983]

If one has a high need for beauty and they neglect to work out, can it lead to a burn out?

[@austinnguyen9107]

6:25 I feel exposed lol

[@nicoleflowers2364]

I feel like im always expressing my needs but since im with a da, im told im sensitive and insecure. Does the fa/da relationship work if the da doesnt put in the work to change?

[@claudiad.4850]

😍