THIS Happens When The Avoidant Realizes They Lost You

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In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses what really happens when the avoidant attachment style (dismissive attachment style) realizes they lost you for good. Watch now to learn more about flaw finding and concepts like the boomerang effect as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Heal From a Break Up & Transform Grief", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:31 - A Fear of Commitment
00:02:40 - Feelings Minus Fears
00:04:31 - Flaw Finding Mode
00:05:56 - Boomerang Effect
00:08:50 - IAT Promo
00:09:43 - Hold No Contact
00:10:44 - Rewrite Our Old Stories
00:11:46 - Find a Routine
00:12:30 - Conclusion / How to Heal From a Breakup
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #DismissiveAvoidantBreakup #AvoidantBreakup #DismissiveAvoidantNoContact #AvoidantNoContact

[@Luis913Barroeta]

Give the gift of no contact to avoidants who didn't want to make relationship work and expected things to "just be". focus on healing and being best version of yourself 💯

[@Fuckogf]

I wish I never met him

[@user-uo3pm1yd3r]

I put a bow on it too! 😂

[@kaykay422]

I am so sick of the, “just let it be” phrase !

[@walkertranger5746]

When you love someone so much and they know they are BPD AND a DA … and you also know they are …. It’s painful to not see them healed and be pushed away . It’s almost as bad as the loss of a loved one who has passed on

[@anjijack5392]

Oh my gosh, yes!!

[@roadrunnercarl]

Never go back or get involved with a DA especially if you are an anxious attachment style, they can never make you the priority and give you the attention you need, they will continuously trigger you and your life will be a misery.

[@JohnnyUtah949]

Anxiously attached people should be actively working to secure attachment, and to the point that this will never matter. Securely attached people would get rid of an avoidant instantly.

[@StuffSayoSays]

@@JohnnyUtah949And we AP people do. It’s easier for us to heal and grow into a secure attachment style. If anything tell that to DA’s they’re the ones who are afraid to commit to self healing. They wouldn’t rather just keep on hurting others and themselves.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@JohnnyUtah949nope, we don’t get rid of them instantly, not if we have a heart.

[@hannalicious_c]

That’s right

[@jhod555]

This. Just leave. They can turn even a securely attached person into an anxious one.

[@cc-ny7wi]

Love them despite their damage and walk away.

[@matthewseto6627]

I realised during my relationship that I’m an avoidant :( Recently my ex broke up with me a month ago and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on all the things I did wrong and how I couldn’t see her perspective of things during the relationship. I miss her deeply, she was anxious attachment, I wish I took therapy during the relationship so I could truly show my love to her when she needed it and handled disagreements better. This video really resonates with me and I’m sorry to everyone who has had to deal with an avoidant

[@klittle3601]

Thank you for saying that and it's quite the miracle you see it. You should try and connect with your ex and let her know you've changed and are working on yourself. Good luck!

[@mia-9812]

@@klittle3601 this is nothing but my own experience: we've been together for 6 years and i truly love him. i also believe that he loves me but he was in his unresponsive, neglectful, and even disrespectful (he hurt and triggered me by using my family traumas that I shared with him or hanged up the phone on me) episodes for many times. we broke up more than once. he was truly sorry for his behavior and seemed devastated each time. he said "i'll never do this again" or "i didn't know you felt that way" and was in tears but the same thing happened again and again. i'm truly sorry to admit that i lost hope about us but i still accepted him back because each time he was sincerely sorry and i was addicted to his affection. it's not only about codependency, i also truly love him. but that was our reality for the past 6 years. just a loop.

[@nickkenmill8364]

I have been married to my Avoidant husband for 11 years together for 14. That’s a long time to chase after someone and I have just now reached my breaking point. Thank you for your post it gave me some comfort that my efforts just might be appreciated, even if it’s further down the road.. 😢

[@BananaExpress-er8sm]

I really love mine. He’s very stubborn and really doesn’t want to change anything on this and I don’t think I can do it anymore

[@matthewseto6627]

@@BananaExpress-er8sm it’s tough because I was the same way during the relationship. But now that we have broken up I initially felt “freedom” and after I had enough space, that’s when I finally realised what I lost and it’s too late now. I recognise now I need to change in order to be a better partner, looking forward to my first therapy session. In your situation he might only be willing to change after the breakup unfortunately :/

[@CryptoTaurusMoon]

DA's are heartless robots. Just remember how distant and alone you felt inside the relationship. Find happiness elsewhere

[@annerivas1155]

I disagree. It will depend on the person's individual situation as a child..ex complete parental neglect as to one parent's neglect, on the other extreme you have abusive parents where violence was shown instead of affections.

[@esounds1]

@@annerivas1155 Those are the reasons, but they don't change the fact how avoidants are acting and how heartless they can be, maybe not intentionally but they do operate pretty heartless and dissmissive

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@annerivas1155 did u get yours to open up, tell u what happened? If so, how? I still don’t even know.

[@annerivas1155]

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w He opened up on his own. You and I are learning about all of these behavior adaptations. He has no idea how he is in that regards. He is responding to my behavior. Not all DA are exactly the same, and I say this because as I learned abouut DA behaviors and took notes, I have noticed that some things apply to him and some things don't. He is very affectionate for example. I also learned that I am secure attachment .

[@OnjelieMarie]

My avoidant ex reached out after 3.5 months of us talking a bit after our breakup. Kept saying “well we could be friends”, and we met up after texting a bit and I told him what do you have to offer me? You can’t offer me commitment but you broke up with me and now you still want me in your life. That makes no sense so I told him I can’t talk to you at all.

[@FriendMariaAdrianna]

Your strength is an inspiration 💪❤

[@baggergurl16]

Hey gotta do what’s best for you.

[@whiteliner2253]

You could have told him that over the phone 🥴

[@annerivas1155]

​@@whiteliner2253not the same. She had to show up to make him understand she meant it firmly.

[@annerivas1155]

Congratulations Marie! Never seek or accept friendship from an avoidant ex...he wants to have access to you....while you cant get over him..."eat his cake and have it too"...no no no.

[@33hawkins]

Ifs always the same advice.. an avoidant breaks up with you and the way to deal with it is to get over it.. to move on.. thats the answer(?) in other words: accept that its over. By the time they come back you will have moved on already and they can continue down their viscous cycle of breaking hearts…

[@damalewis9277]

Exactly. Let them break someone else's heart - or lose themselves trying to fix another emotionally unavailable person.

[@wendydaniel1110]

I navigate my relationships with a D.A by avoiding them completely .

[@sifublack192]

Focusing on your hobbies and interests after a breakup will ALWAYS put things into the proper perspective. Plus, you'll find that the RIGHT people will start coming into your life as you've opened yourself up for them to enter.

[@LSGO90]

You could also argue this is how a dismissive avoidant would rationalize the breakup in those initial stages. Hobbies and interest = creature comforts

[@sifublack192]

@@LSGO90 creature comforts suggest unhealthy habits such binge watching television or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Focusing on hobbies and interests actually help your mental clarity and keep you in a mindset of abundance. Thais actually talks about it in several videos on this channel.

[@kylereese9462]

Don’t believe anyone telling you a DA will ever miss you and want to come back. Once you break up with a Da, the “nothingness” you felt in the situationship with them will instantly turn into a complete void, nothing. DA’s never heal, never change, never come back. Just feel lucky that you woke up from the nightmare of being in a “relationship” with such a flawed person and move on, never look back. Don’t waste any more of your valuable time and emotional capital. Thank me later.

[@JeepbabyB]

It’s a waste of your life wait for a DA 😢 don’t make that mistake u will lose yourself and it’s hard to come back

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Avoid the other 2 well if you feel that way.

[@Pancakespls]

He didn't lose me, he never had me, he never knew me or wanted to know me.

[@alexanderfinlayson3555]

You sound like me

[@rachg86]

Ugh. I feel this. So sorry you went through this

[@jill1305]

He jumped right into the next relationship immediately so he didn’t have to be alone. There’s no way he even thinks about the relationship he had with me for 5 years.

[@os3688]

not possible lol. your mindset toward that is wrong. 5 years is way too long to just forget their ex. that relationship will certainly not last. stay no contact and build your self confidence back up. get mad at the fact he left you for another girl. you will find yourself moving away from even wanting him back. good luck

[@hectorolivares5071]

Yea rebounds almost never last, something I learned

[@zionelelartista7190]

@@os3688you nailed this comment good shit please take this advice! & listen to what was said that person is a rebound he’s with and he’s tryna mask his situation but jumping into something without properly healing will crumble

[@Tatiana-oz2fn]

@@hectorolivares5071no, lots of The time they do lol

[@Bloodsport1337]

Are you stupid?

[@leticiajackson2237]

I just left no need to say anything. Bye!

[@felonious77-00]

The "triggers" that I set off just made his feelings for the relationship negative. And him cold and distant. So everything he was feeling was negative and overshadowed all the beauty of ehat we had and the friendship we had. He told me his feelings for me will never change but the feelings for the relationship and how he feels I treated him will never change. So, throughout our relationship while I was trying to fix the triggers(w/out knowing about attachment styles) it was for nothing. He just pulled back until he was a cold as f&#k stranger to me

[@RobbiJamesVogt]

I treated my avoidant like gold. I loved her with all my heart. Unfortunately, she brought each of her past relationships into our relationship. She told me I didn’t let her in. She met all of my friends and family, I’m still waiting to meet her friends (2year relationship). As soon as I brought up marriage, etc, she changed and couldn’t handle the pressure and anxiety of commitment. Vulnerability - forget about it. She was lost. I suggest not dating man avoidant until they heal themselves.

[@Scruffmcbufff]

It’s been 8 months. We were together nearly 6 years. She never came back. I realized she has a history of avoidant attachment and was non confrontational. She compartmentalized all her trauma and always ran at the sense of difficulty. It’s just who she is. It’s who she’ll continue to be unless she gets the help she needs.

[@MrMsadley]

And that help will not happen given the avoidance. Rinse and repeat

[@alfredobermudez6430]

Dam I was nearly 4 years with her it has been 1 month I am looking for other it sucks

[@hanzolo7719]

I was with one of these girls for 8 years. She left and I was absolutely crushed. Wanted her back so badly. But by the time I started to heal and move on, she was constantly trying to come back and get back together. It took a me around 2 years to fully get over it. Long relationships take a while to heal from, and getting back with them feels safe and comfortable, but you gotta just let them go. Trust me I’m so much better off now.

[@smokingcrab2290]

They avoid everything including responsibility

[@tiffanyburke2785]

Sorry. I ended my 5.5 year relationship recently. He said maybe down the line I’ll realize you’re the love of my life and I let you get away. So heartbreaking.

[@jaffrey1319]

How does this "process" feel to the avoidant if I did the breaking up? I really didn't want to, but I DID tell her I felt as if she'd "abandoned" the relationship and that I had ZERO idea of how she felt about us... If I actually died, would she care? ...or was I the greatest thing since sliced bread? I had no clue of her feelings because she could NOT communicate verbally. She never did, but finally it just wore down the relationship to its demise.

[@Nika-je6zd]

You just mentioned EXACTLY what I could not find words for. "If I died, would he have cared?". Hmmm. Horrible "relationship" to be in. Such experiences are given to us, more so we can appreciate the next partner - where we know we are cared for, supported etc in a healthy way. I choose moving on.

[@jaffrey1319]

@@Nika-je6zd amen.

[@jaffrey1319]

@@Nika-je6zd in fact, I even asked her what advice she'd give her own son if HE was dating a woman under the same dynamics as we were experiencing...she stonewalled as she usually did

[@jaffrey1319]

​@kjjx125 Answer: fuq these people. After a while, love (on your part) turns into anger and resentment. They really do NOT deserve a compassionate and loving partner. Truly, FUCK THEM!!!

[@andreatorluemke4982]

Neglect is abuse as my mother would say

[@alirh1145]

Thanks to you MS. Thais I dont review old stories to blame myself anymore because I know I did everything right

[@WahkeenaSitka]

Nothing happens. The avoidant doesn't care.

[@bigbadlara5304]

I think some do. My ex failed a class after we broke up. She also did other things that makes me think she cares.

[@user-mu2mp8ll6c]

That's a ridiculous take

[@Marverdegracia]

Oh.. I understand it hurts. But they do care, just not like you do.

[@caramel0sugar]

Yes they care. They juste aren't equipped to deal with it. I do believe what Tais says about it being so hard for them because they don't deal with their feelings. My DA ex left me, totally panicked after 1yr and blurting one Sunday afternoon cuddling at his house that I should move stuff in.... Literally following weekend he was breaking up with me "because I wasn't a good girlfriend because when I sleep I hit his legs with my knees moving around"... But for 1.5 yr every 4 months like clockwork he would find an excuse to send a message to keep contact going however superficial. After 1yr he asked to meet he was the one literally crying saying I was his soul mate and he was trying to work on himself but he just couldn't handle it. After there I wrote him a letter saying it was too hard for me so to never contact me again so that I could move on and five months after that he still sent me a message for my birthday so I yelled at him for not respecting my wish and blocked him... Ad hard as everything was on me, I faced my feelings, I did the work I healed, and he's still stuck in this limbo after 2 yrs of dating around superficially for 3 months and the breaking up and going through a depression of regretting his choices with me .. then repressing and starting again. I know that because I got this news from a worried friend a month ago and it has been 2.5yrs.

[@nellies7767]

I think they care in their own way which is not acceptable to us. Its really a hard relationship. Alot of ups and downs and feels like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. However, it does feel like they dont care. Seems like they care when they are with you but when they are not, they dont. My ex always broke up with me over text, about every week, due to those hard conversations such as spending time. which to me should not be a hard conversation but she always made every serious conversation something bad, then she would get agitated and break up with me. it was the most immature relationship I had ever been in. i swear!!!

[@gutsandgrittv5076]

We dated 2 1/2 years and when he came back a decade later and said it was a couple of months. 😂 guess he forgot the christmases we had together. Wow. That one hurt.

[@MuscleBandit]

I'm in a unique situation with a DA whereby I have to see her in passing most days until she or I move house. She's always breadcrumbing during contact and thinks im sulky and butt hurt when I pull away. This is a special kind of purgatory. I wish I could simply switch off my feelings but it's not possible.

[@dimitrifert3321]

I feel you, had been there... I was lucky she had enough money to retreat on a rented flat for a few months so I didn't have to suffer from this very uncomfortable situation for too long. Needless to say she broke up 4 months later, when the short-term rent was reaching an end. We are selling the house we just bought a few months before (4y+ relationship, starting to fall off just 2 weeks prior to closing the deal). Keep up mate. P.S. : Oh and I think I had something similar to your "sulky and butt hurt" reproach. A friend of hers told me that she felt rejected since the breakup (oh ironic... ) .

[@shtfuq]

I had to share an apartment with mine and we didn’t see each others faces for an entire month. Avoided seeing her and would go into work 4 hours early to sleep on the floor. I was cooking dinner in my bedroom with a rice cooker and air fryer. I moved out and live in an apartment 3 doors down the hall and I’m working on myself. Turn that energy back on yourself and build back stronger. It’s possible but you have to keep a strong mind. They don’t deserve us.

[@MuscleBandit]

@dimitrifert3321 ahh that's crap man. Women will pretty much always tell us what we need to know via their behaviour. Their words are merely a metric to compare actions against once they are ascertained as no trust worthy. Hell of a ball this dating, until one day, fingers crossed, it will all work itself out. Until then I want some chocolate and a wank!!!!

[@ileanaprofeanu7626]

what is really frustrating with a few ex friends of mine is that I triggered their vulnerability and they pulled away and it wasn't related to being in a potential relationship, I was too open for them (I was FA at the time). It left me hurt, confused, ruminating

[@Calicokitty2]

Your How to Heal from a Breakup course was so helpful. Thank you!

[@ADobbin1]

They realize they never had you and walk away.

[@rachelleperron]

OMG this is exactly what my DA ex did. I didn't understand how I went from being put on a pedestal to being dropped suddenly after 23 years.

[@MTG9878]

23 years and it was just one time and he dropped you like that, gotta be honest, that does not sound like a DA. To be around for 23 years and this is the first time he just broke up and ghosted.

[@MoloSaidu]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[@kanereall]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@MoloSaidu]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?

[@kanereall]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@MoloSaidu]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@GreenTurtle181]

Really good advice. Very clearly put. Makes sense now. Been through so much trying to make sense of what happened.

[@timtuite5855]

Thank you so much. Your videos have helped me process something very painful in a way that nothing else has. You are a god send. 🙏🙏🙏

[@SCnative64]

I'm FA and it's like Thais is describing my entire life pattern. I just lost someone I still deeply love. This time I'm getting clean (from addiction), and doing counseling, including books and workbooks regarding more awareness of my trauma. I'm trying to "fix" myself or at the very least understand myself better and regulate my behavior. She went no contact over 30 days ago and I've forgotten what this kind of pain/grief feels like and it sucks.

[@andreatorluemke4982]

Yeah brother. Welcome to the broken hearts club. You heal you go forward. You appreciate the hell Out of your next partner when that comes kk. Take nothing for granted no happiness no pleasant moments. Those are gifts all of Them diamonds more diamonds for all of us amen

[@SCnative64]

@@andreatorluemke4982 Amen.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

“I think it’s really important to hold no contact.” Ok. Then what???

[@lee1612k2]

A.i. i guess 😮‍💨🥲

[@CeeP211]

Move on

[@castiron2932]

More no contact

[@OnjelieMarie]

Move on they can’t love you because they don’t love themselves

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@OnjelieMarie nope not ready to do that yet. My heart goes out to him. She did another video today, 3 Secrets the Avoidant Doesn’t Want You To Know.

[@DenisSawyer]

My DA did in fact reach out after 30 days, she's admitted wholeheartedly of her mistake and we are making progress every day. Stay strong NC works, grieve, focus and grow.

[@avantikor360]

Did this and spiraled right back down

[@baruchrachamim1025]

i really appreciate you and your work this information is so helpful and satisfying and fulfilling and life- changing

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

And what if there was no breakup, just silence from both sides after an argument?

[@tiffanyburke2785]

This happened to me. I finally caved. He was done. Said he enjoyed his alone time.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@tiffanyburke2785 omg. :( We shall see. Had u been spending a little of time together? I hardly see mine anyway. . How long before u reached out pls?

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@tiffanyburke2785 *a lot of time

[@oaguirrre1]

I walked away from her because she didn’t value my time or me as a person , deleted her from social media etc , yet she’s still watching my stories . She tried once to come back and apologized for how she was acting then did again the next day and I was said nope I’m out ✌🏻

[@tellitlikeitis5028]

*narcissists not “Avoidants”

[@smokingcrab2290]

For real. They are straight up narcissists and their brokenness does nothing but lead to more brokenness

[@MTG9878]

Yep just covert narcissists.

[@cookmania3465]

Nope, 2 different things. Narcissists want dominance. avoidance personality, seek Fairness

[@rachg86]

Thank god someone else said it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence I ended up with an “avoidant” right after I got out of a 10 yr relationship with a malignant narc. This avoidant thing feels just like narcissism - maybe this is the covert narcissism. It’s selfish they stand there and rob their partner of communication and connection while they watch their partner break over and over. And they watch the relationship crumble. Then when their partner can’t take it anymore and says I NEED this to change, they leave. And cut their partner off. They point the blame at the other person. It’s like driving a car until the wheels fall off then just leaving it on the side of the highway and hopping in a new car and driving away.

[@cstmmusic3931]

I block my avoidant ex . Ciao bella

[@epiphany724]

The perfect language for my last relationship 🙏🏾

[@yalvia]

Explains why my ex always reaches out around 3 months after "running." Smh!

[@Howie_Dewitt.]

What if I broke up with her to save myself?

[@MargieMersky]

You've been generously patient, you're a good listener, you've given space, you've been on the tail end of priorities, you've offered what you need/want only to hear that they feel inadequate because of it. You've experienced emotional unavailability and it makes your head spin. Please, take care of yourself first, that's what they do, so make it your main focus. They'll be just fine.

[@tiffanyburke2785]

I did the same. The relationship was making me sick. Developed an autoimmune. It’s been difficult. So sad. But he couldn’t connect

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@tiffanyburke2785 😥

[@ahmedanwar2099]

How are they going to miss companionship if they’ve already replaced the person lmao

[@andybiddle9088]

If DA's rarely or never reach out. What can I do? I want her back in my life, but as a friend as not to freak her out. We only dated for 3 months, but they were the best 3 months...for both if us! Laughter all the way and no arguments.

[@carlfreiermuth5424]

thank you ❤️

[@AwesomeAndrew]

Too bad for my 2 exes like this, I'm unforgettable 😆, one's tried to come back many times, the other one went into what seems to me is a rebound

[@rortys.kierkegaard9980]

No… attachment theory is only concerned with childhood attachments and unfulfilled needs. That’s why I don’t adhere to it… adult intimate relationships can also affect a persons attachment style and needs. If this weren’t true, then attachment theory would have no treatment/prognosis for the ‘disease’. The theory is self refuting

[@AwesomeAndrew]

Both avoidance ive been wirh went into another relationship

[@gabrielaguilhen6231]

But how can you get back together then? If they rarely will come after you ? It has to have a way. If you want to and they clearly want it too

[@-taylor-9980]

Many comments from unhealed people whom prefer to live with such insecure attachment styles. Sort yourself out. It's not the fault of the particular person that they're for example an avoidant because of their neglectful upbringing. I will always support my ex even if I never see of speak to her again. its the intent that matters. Authenticity is the highest vibration. ❤

[@CeeP211]

Good luck ❤

[@sarahoshea404]

That’s great for you, but understand that a lot of people are going through the acute pain and hurt right now.. a lot of us are still realizing, processing, and reflecting, otherwise we wouldn’t be watching these videos. Of course a lot of us are unhealed, but we’re not “choosing” this, and we are also being authentic in our grief ❤

[@MTG9878]

Wow, so compassionate to these going through pain with your positive vibe, actually a bit mean. The DAs upbringing may not be their fault, as adults it is now their responsibility to fix it! So they do not keep hurting others if they choose not to then they are narcissistic! Just like those here watching this video and trying to fix themselves they are taking accountability! Take your vibration nonsense elsewhere! You actually want to be the doormat for your DA be my guest! You sound like someone who is hiding from their own issues with all the vibration facade. Seek real therapy! Not a spiritualist!

[@user-mu2mp8ll6c]

Does this apply or diminish with multiple breakups from that avoidant?

[@Zane-zr7ic]

The only way u can do it is by multi dating hold space enjoy ur lifw keep them in rotation and if it deepens into more great and if it doesnt then another connection may. Or just focus on u they alwaya come back when u let go and then they leave again da juat leave people in cycles for yrs. The question is do we all love ourselves enough to walk away At least 80 per cent of guys on dating apps are dismissive avoidant commitment avoidant. Das love dating apps. A lot of ua girls dont have a chance cos they person is unavailable to begin with. I choose myself

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

Haha..80 percent of woman... are that way now as well...a pity

[@leticiajackson2237]

Great advice! I noticed it was a pattern that the guy I was dating had previously with other good women. Never married or engaged to anyone and the more he told me things about the past is when I realized he was definitely the problem. I said to him I’m not going to let you do the same to me. Gtfoh 😂

[@tiffanyburke2785]

Mine of 5.5 years never stopped talking to other women. That I was never allowed to know about for the record. Yeah. Guess he needed a rotation

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@tiffanyburke2785 sorry to hear. You’re a beautiful woman.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

@@tiffanyburke2785 she is...gluck

[@AwesomeAndrew]

I did an attachment style quiz, and it was pure garbage, I'm absolutely nothing Ike it said I'm like in a relationship.

[@jhod555]

Step one: recognize you are, unfortunately, involved with an avoidant. Step two: Leave before your soul shatters into a million pieces. Egads. Get away.

[@AwesomeAndrew]

Complete waste of time doing the quiz on your site, won't accept any of my email addresses to send results.

[@azazel673]

So if they’re stuck between missing you and fears of texting you, how will we reconcile? Do we have to reach out to them?

[@bigbadlara5304]

In a previous video I believe she said something along the lines of 6 weeks no contact. Also I texted an avoidant after we broke up and she had ghost me. after two weeks and it turned toxic on her side.

[@azazel673]

@@bigbadlara5304 oh… so basically there’s no hope lol. Thanks for sharing your experience. I had “hoped” there was a way for going back, guess not.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@azazel673not true. They are usually receptive when WE reach out. What I want to know is do they ever???

[@azazel673]

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w but I have only heard that things go bad when we reach out, and they become cold/toxic. I still havent seen any relationship that managed to reconcile with an avoidant As for your question, its very rare for the avoidant to reach out. Fearful avoidants are more likely to reach out, dismissive avoidants not so much. You’ll probably never hear from them again in your life

[@lizb941]

Well they will eventually come back but they will be very evasive and not vulnerable at all… they will be entitled for you to do the work of reconciliation since they did the first step by reaching out

[@jessp2317]

I like the video, can't share with the intro music or they will turn off

[@erinhappy-go-lucky5040]

Hi Thais 😁. Can people with bipolar disorder have an avoidant attachment style or is that part of the symptoms of diagnosis?

[@CeeP211]

Yes they can

[@innerglows]

How does this look for someone with ASD traits, on the spectrum, and has a dismissive avoidant attachment style? 😢

[@SK-no2pp]

I hope that you’re in Therapy

[@innerglows]

@SK-no2pp I've healed tremendously from why I allowed myself to be with this person. I just wanted to get a clearer understanding of exactly what I was dealing with for so long. (Closure)

[@chrismaxwell1624]

How do you know the attachment style. Online quizzes fail miserably for attachment style when an person on spectrum does them. It would take autism trained psychologist to sort out the difference between ASD and DA attachment style. For me I'm on the spectrum and secure attachment style and got that through a psychologist. Easy to mistake autistic shutdown and burnout might be mistaken for avoidant. Been relationship with my wife 25 years. She's an FA. I think my being on spectrum with a secure attachment helped in that longevity from I learned about FAs on this youtube. I could say what this would look like but really that's turn in long blog.

[@SV-wb8kh]

Fools never learn.

[@andreatorluemke4982]

I always enjoy you angel. Ooahh❤

[@alfredobermudez6430]

Oh boy

[@Melusine-vt8gq]

Can I ask, why does the video say "avoidant" but it's only about dismissive avoidants? What about Fearful, is it the same? I have a fearful avoidant, should I not watch videos that don't say specifically "Fearful avoidant?"

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Hello, I hope you are doing well. Great Question ! Yes, there are two types of Avoidants (Dismissive Avoidants & Fearful Avoidants) who have different characteristics.This episode is for DISMISSIVE AVOIDANTS however you are welcome to educate yourself on different attachment styles if you would like. There are videos for Fearful Avoidants which you can watch by going to our KZbin Channel Key Word Search and search in "Fearful Avoidants" for a better understanding regarding your unique attachment style. Please let us know should you require further support :)

[@CeeP211]

​​@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchoolthanks! As a suggestion, it would be great when labeled as avoidant you specify which is which. It only says avoidant.And the description text says the video is about a DA not an FA.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

@@CeeP211 Thank you for your kind suggestion :) I'll make sure to forward this to our team.

[@talee2000]

Is avoidant attachment the same as Avoidant Personality Disorder? Do they have similarities or can they overlap?

[@CanwegetSubscriberswithn-cu2it]

No. They are not the same at all. While there may be some minor overlap (as there is with any condition), the AvPD craves connection, is not afraid of it when they have it. It's the idea of maybe getting it that terrifies us. It's like a storm receeding when you realise the other petson actually wants to connect and isn't being malicious

[@Nightswim_]

No, pervasive personality problem is not the same as attachment style. Most strongly liked to AVPD is more extreme fearful attachment & fear of abandonment according to the very limited research.

[@damienro0]

I'm 38 she's 25 she started pulling away, and in the end broke up w me. She said she wanted new experiences, not commitment right now. So I don't think she'll come back. I thought we were doing great.

[@thrill102]

That is a 13 year age gap. And she’s 25. That not gonna happen for you so definitely seek therapy and move on.

[@chiobabe2180]

That girl is trying to live her young life not be your wife .. stop trying to steal her carefree 20s & date someone who’s Actually looking for a relationship

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

Can we tell an avoidant we miss them? Has anyone had any experience with this? Bc I know that u can’t ask if THEY missed YOU.

[@leticiajackson2237]

I don’t like it! It’s so annoying!

[@user-uj1nt8bz4m]

What if they wanted out of the marriage and are now dating someone else?

[@maineoutdoorsman677]

Chandra The highs were the best but the lows are so terrible, If you could just not lie we wouldn't be in this spot , You never realy knew me , It's all on you ,don't want someone that doesn't want me ,simple as that

[@xipingpooh5783]

Give the gift of missing you.

[@MTG9878]

Give yourself the gift of not taking them back!

[@melissavazquez3716]

what about an FA?? Is this still relevant?

[@alice-hp7dh]

How yo know if they love you for real and by their rules or they are just not into you?

[@naomirobinson9547]

What happens when you were together 4 years then they were seeing someone behind your back, got them pregnant then just leaves you and avoids you while they move on with that other person they can't fully attach to either. I feel like I meant nothing even though he said I was irreplaceable 😑

[@chiobabe2180]

Move on , he has a new baby, baggage & bills. Why even take him seriously he’s a baby father

[@andavee]

what's the purpose of this video seemingly giving advice about the avoidant partner when it really just tells us how to move on? you are giving hope to people that the avoidant is going to come back somehow. just call your video how to heal from a breakup. it has nothing to do with avoidants but a lot with how to heal from a breakup with avoidants or anybody else.

[@mmt7766]

I agree! The title was misleading.

[@erindawn7857]

Right ❤

[@LSGO90]

I love Thais and PDS, but these b-roll and music in the background is not it. For years I enjoyed the straightforward videos. Bring them back!

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

So …. What we want to know is …. We should wait X amount of time, then WE need to reach out??? Will the DA / FA ever be the one to initiate???? Bc u said they want to but they’re afraid.

[@CeeP211]

She has covered this in other videos. Depends on if they are DA or FA. DA can take MONTHS to reach out and more than likely they may not. FA (depending on whether they lean more anxious or dismissive) can start missing you from 3 weeks up to 3-4 months qnd may reach out, but also will be scared. If they broke up with up with you, I wouldn't reach out. If it was an argument (that they started/created and they withdrew and/or are stonewalling) I would absolutely NOT reach out. I would let them do it.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@CeeP211 tysm. Well guess what I believe mine is both DA and FA. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We had an argument 3 weeks ago. Looks like neither one of us wants to be the first to reach out. They said something insensitive, and I asked for an apology. Still waiting. Don’t know what to do bc if I initiate (as usual), we’ll be fine.

[@RubyLine]

Depends of the circumstances and how the relationship was imo. My severe avoidant who I had been on and off for 3 years took 7 months to contact me. I didn't do anything except focus on myself and try to heal. I also was the one to initiate the break up since he gave me the silent treatment for months prior to it. But he's also been in therapy the entire past year. So tbh my advice would be to focus on yourself and see what will happen. Either way you'll know if that person will be able to handle conflict or not and communication. Just don't expect too much out of it, and focus on you. This brings you far more than wondering if someone will do something or not. I know it sounds hard, but in the long run you'll get it ! Cheers !

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@RubyLine ty 🙏

[@Swiss_Girl]

yes!! use the no contact on YOU. she said that in the video. my DA came back 2.5 month later. But I don‘t want him anymore. everything else then no contact will NOT work on DAs

[@rachg86]

Does anyone else see this DA personality as a little selfish? I feel like these people rob their partners of healthy communication. It seems like DA’s would rather satisfy and calm their own irrational fears and starve the relationship of emotional connection or communication. And the DA’s who are completely against therapy or any kind of introspection AND starve the relationship AND mock/talk down on their partners efforts of therapy or trying to have open dialogue or ask about their feelings - they almost seem a little bit narcissistic to me. Honestly it feels almost as bad as narcissistic abuse.

[@ryanventura8580]

What BS, anything to relinquish taking responsibility and accountability for our actions and decisions. Such BS all these terms created to sooth our terrible behaviours. 🤣🤣🤣

[@hughj.peightreeuht3106]

The childhood trauma comes from narcissistic abuse. The avoidant is triggered by the same behavior in adulthood. Therefore, they run from narcissts...then get labeled "avoidant" by narcissists. Sorta like an ad hominem response to the truth, by the narcissist.

[@Joseph70663]

😂 What the hell is an " avoidant"? Sound like a narcissist to me. But your word salad was humorous...

[@gregleo8035]

I’m sorry ma’am but when someone “up and leaves you with no explanation in an otherwise normal relationship”… It’s called ABUSE. Passive Aggressive gaslighting. Please stop enabling abuse. Yes they had a bad childhood but abuse and deceit are abuse and deceit

[@rachg86]

Does anyone else see this DA personality as a little selfish? I feel like these people rob their partners of healthy communication. It seems like DA’s would rather satisfy and calm their own irrational fears and starve the relationship of emotional connection or communication. And the DA’s who are completely against therapy or any kind of introspection AND starve the relationship AND mock/talk down on their partners efforts of therapy or trying to have open dialogue or ask about their feelings - they almost seem a little bit narcissistic to me. Honestly it feels almost as bad as narcissistic abuse.