I Feel Like I’m Parenting My Dad

[@jacobmonti453]

“ if behavior is a language what have they been telling you?” is one of the most insightful things I’ve heard in a long, long time.🤯

[@houdanivision]

My Dad froze under a bridge homeless earlier this year after I housed & fed him since I was 23 years old. I’m 31 now and being a Dad to my Dad was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced. Sheltered him free of charge, bought him a car years ago, found him all the help necessary for his mind, body, & soul. People were trying to help him up until the day he died. All my efforts & help felt very undermined in the end=[

[@lindacondilli6494]

I’m so sorry. I really hope you don’t blame yourself. You did everything you could and more.

[@janelleg597]

Dang that is rough.

[@fauxbro1983]

​@@drc3posometimes addicts can't be helped

[@houdanivision]

@@drc3po it got to the point where he was defecating & urinating in his bed & on the floor and was also falling over regularly. I called adult protective services and he refused their help. Shortly after had to call 911. He was placed in a nursing home (youngest person there) for a few months until he left and never came back.

[@joycewright5386]

@@houdanivisionI’m so sorry.

[@Wild_flower_415]

Mom was his enabler and now she is the new enabler.

[@dougkoontz1752]

If caller is not real careful, her dad will get finically scammed talking to 20 year old girls on the internet on his phone. She needs to get him back on a flip phone fairly quickly.

[@Afrinaturality]

They're probably not even women. There are whole call centres focussed on scamming people online.

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

Agrees

[@Fred2-123]

It is not up to her. He is a grown man and she is not responsible for his phone.

[@susanedghill609]

@dougkoontz1752 I do believe you can install the internet on a flip phone.....

[@susanedghill609]

@dougkoontz1752.....it is the behaviour with the phone that needs to change....even if the internet is not on the phone.....he can still call or go on his computer..if he has one......if he wants to do something he will😔😔

[@loricairns3459]

No matter what you do or say, you will never make him be the dad you need him to be. Your mom recognized this and left to save herself. Do the same. Grieve what should have been and move on.

[@janhatcher6991]

I pay my own phone bill and I am on a very low income. There are very very inexpensive phone plans that you can get on your cell phone that are $25 maybe so you gotta stop doing this he's grown and he doesn't need you to do this and he doesn't wanna see you so stop paying his bill and see what happens when his phone gets turned off.

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

My dad would go homeless before he let me pay his bills. I can’t believe the amount of kids that have this on their shoulders. If he can’t even afford $70/month what has he been doing with his money??

[@johndone8045]

Thats a dumb comment, u ask no question to your dad on a 70 dollar phone bill

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I suspect he is giving his money to the scammers on dating apps

[@Dreamer-by4nk]

Don’t pay it. He doesn’t need a phone if he can’t afford it.

[@Dreamer-by4nk]

Catfished

[@newmexicoballer3867]

He's using that phone to send money to scammers.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

My mom just have a landline phone since dad passed and get a senior discount.

[@mhodge0890]

Never understood men who like talking to women their daughters age

[@lucygoose6237]

Yeah it's weird!!! I know men like this, too

[@TonyCox1351]

He isn’t talking to women. He is talking to men, in Nigeria, posing as women to get him to buy apple gift cards. Women in their 30s aren’t interested in old men who live below the poverty line.

[@alexandriabrown1388]

@@TonyCox1351Yes, it is a scam, but he believes that he is romancing a woman his daughter’s age so it’s still weird.

[@lot2196]

It's not hard to understand.

[@theskyisblue567]

​@lot2196 how so??

[@ccjdis]

Thank goodness George took over the call making it better.

[@GAFB1122]

I don't care who you are, my kid or my parent, I don't give money for someone to make bad choices with it.

[@newmexicoballer3867]

I guess these guys don't realize she's trying to say her father been falling for romance scams.

[@NadeDogg]

Does it matter? He’s being enabled

[@stitchy_linn]

When I was a young girl my birth grandfather would show up when he needed money and only then. It hurt my dad to deny him yet he knew it was the best thing to do. Time to cut that financial tie Sweet Caller Lady. Just be his daughter and stop trying to guide him through life. I know it's hard yet for your own sake and peace of mind you have to do it.

[@GAFB1122]

Don't let anyone tell you different, YOUR DAD DID THE RIGHT THING!! 👍Enabling hurts the person, it does not help.

[@GAFB1122]

You are enabling this man and it's clearly not helping him. Enabling never helps the person. Tough love is what's needed here. Stop giving him money!!

[@Cocked-Locked]

I've started coming to this channel for your and a couple others' constant comments, inane as they are.

[@HappyMarriedTradWife]

Sometimes it’s best to go no contact with family that bring nothing to the table.

[@ashleyc506]

If she feels like she has to pay for his phone, take him off any plan and get him a burner phone. Send him top up cards regularly. Atleast her phone plan and credit won’t be affected.

[@mattorama]

So he can turn around and sell the phone cards?

[@Fred2-123]

She could get him a Tracfone. You can get a phone with 1 year of service for under $100.

[@TonyCox1351]

Correction: Her dad is talking to Nigerian scammers posing as 30 year old women.

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

👆🏼This completely

[@kvgolfa]

Never seen John's tattoos on this channel before

[@djpuplex]

They are his safety blanket.

[@A_barrel]

That has to be new

[@mike-yo8qj]

Unsure why he got them in the first place.

[@kvgolfa]

@@A_barrel no he always shows them on his channel, but on this one I think they make him cover them usually which explains the open button downs he's always wearing

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@A_barrelThey aren’t new. He’s had them forever. John wears short sleeve punk rock t shirts on his show all of the time but on the Ramsey show he’s more formal. Only reason he’s wearing short sleeve here is because they had just gotten back from the Ramsey personality pickleball tournament.

[@sleepyjoe1685]

The dad is being scammed on these dating apps.

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

Agreed

[@LucasDaRonco]

Damn. These were some hard truths... But ones many need to listen to.

[@friedrichhoffmann4248]

What a caring daughter!

[@FlutterSwag]

Same situation but a son and a divorced mom Its so frustrating

[@JoeRNNE1]

You've clearly put a great deal of effort into caring for him over the years, and it is okay to take a step back. Other adults have the right to make poor decisions. As John pointed out, it is important to keep in mind that it is not your fault when your dad does so.

[@Harry-jw1fj]

Dr. John looking good 😂💪

[@iamkesha.]

I was in this same situation two years ago. I tried to teach him how to fish but he just wanted me to give him fish and I couldn’t do that with him. It was too draining.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I have been there with a few friends too. They wanted the fish delivered, not caught.

[@debbieholoquist2059]

For years, I paid my mothers phone bill. Before I started paying for it, she had no phone. Yes, the phone was for her. But it gave me peace of mind. I worried so much that she would be unable to get needed help if she had no phone.

[@EricMoore790]

Dad is a jerk.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

HOW?

[@davidmilhouscarter8198]

8:17 “Go back to a flip phone” like it’s a bad thing. He gets the phone that he can pay for.

[@tatianalyulkin410]

My God, you're wonderful. Thank you so much.

[@privateprivate8366]

I’ve been through this, with my now-deceased mother. My mother probably had depression, which turned into NPD. She not only wanted to self destruct, but take my sister and I with her. What this woman doesn’t realize is that she’s not helping him. She’s enabling him. It may “seem” to be the most comfortable way to handle things and to maintain a somewhat comfortable relationship with her father, but I don’t feel the feeling he cares about that, much like a teen. Might want her to just pay the bill and go away. Also, her paying the phone bill, even in part, sets up both of them, for worse down the line. He may incur bills, she doesn’t know about and get into hacking spaces she doesn’t know about and, before she knows it, she’ll have a nightmare on her hands, that’s going to cost money, time and maybe even her life. That’s where my mother was headed, she didn’t want professional help, I was too busy trying to survive myself, so the only thing left to do, was to let her implode. Sad. But, you can’t always save them from themselves.

[@user-ne9wp8ve5u]

How do you throw away 35 years of marriage?!

[@NovelNovelist]

I think we fall into a trap of expecting people to change -- be that in ways we personally prefer or even in ways that are objectively better -- but change is hard, and often improbable, and sometimes people will never change. But that doesn't actually mean that we should always require change. Will her dad ever make different, objectively better decisions so that he can reliably handle his own phone bill? You know what? Maybe NOT. And maybe that DOESN'T change what the caller is doing. Maybe she just wants her dad to definitely have a working, paid for phone. If that's her priority, paying for it herself is a perfectly fine solution. He doesn't NEED to change, in the most literal, least emotionally loaded way possible, in order for him to have a paid for phone. He can never change. She can always pay for his phone service. And that could be fine if her priority is just that he have a work phone. It might NOT be enough. Maybe she needs him to get his **** together and handle it himself...but like maybe not. Maybe just him having a working phone is the key goal, and it's fine if he never gets there on his own.

[@CarissaBelair]

It sounds like he may be homeless or in a shelter and hiding it from everyone. Cell phones can be a persons link to the world to feel normal in a terrible time. It may be best to switch to that pay as you go flip phone for emergency calls only. Terrible situation if that’s the case.

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

Sweetheart I would never make my kids pay my phone bill! I am also below the poverty level and I went and got a part-time job and I'm on Social Security disability! And I still would not force or have my children pay my bills! There's also a program he could get a free phone and all he has to do is upload his information and fill out an application! Remember the Obama phones? He will be limited with some of the stuff but at least he's got a phone that you're not paying for! He needs to be responsible with his own stuff!

[@tatianalyulkin410]

I think she's being a typical " child parent ". She doesn't understand the difference between not having a phone at all and not having this advanced IPhone monstrosity that he probably doesn't even need. It's kind of like, " Honey, I bought you new sneakers. " " But, Mom, they're not REEBOCKS! ".

[@n.w.414]

No, she MUST NOT pay his phone bill!! Good grief, guys. She needs to separate her money and phone from his account. Super volatile. He needs to pay his own bills. Please, please, stop babying dad.

[@JustinCase780]

When did George join The Dr. John Show?

[@FrankS111]

George wasn’t safe and couldn’t breathe anymore

[@ArsonHicks]

Who’s George?

[@TrazimDollare1982]

@@FrankS111😂

[@TrazimDollare1982]

😂

[@TrazimDollare1982]

Justin, wait until Ken joins with his VW Beetle 1967 Year

[@thehungrywolf69]

These divorces have crushed him. He has to be ok with being single. Don’t be afraid of solitude brother. I’m sorry Danielle

[@alittlepieceofearth]

Get dad a used, unlocked phone from e-bay: $50. Then put him on a cheap phone plan like Straight Talk, Mint, etc and let him pay his own phone bill.

[@aidenalamo6262]

My mum helps me out from time to time out of her heart, not because of her wallet. In return, when she is 90 and if I have a house and have the space, she will be moving in with me and my partner with her own quarters to live in. It is elder care at its finest and I am fine with that.

[@stephengamber7000]

"Has he listened to any of the advice you've given him over the years?" "No, not really"

[@lindawilson4625]

This caller has a difficult time saying things in plain language. "My dad makes poor choices." Like what? Say it. He's falling for romance scams. Probabaly other crap, too. Caller-You can't fix your dad. Do NOT link yourself financially to him in any way, shape, or form. I wish her luck.

[@beverleyhirst9380]

Pay his phone Bill of not, but stop telling him what to do, why would he want to talk to you if you judge him all the time. Check that the 30 year-old isn't a scammer

[@Fred2-123]

If he is poor he can get a free phone from the government plan. But the phone is not the issue. The issue is that Dad keeps making bad choices. If Dave was on this call, he'd be telling her that she was giving beer to an alcoholic.

[@teebone2157]

Man, every time John is on detergent twice. Therapy session instead of a financial counseling session.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Umm yeah he’s a trained counselor… that’s his job. Whole reason Dave hired him!

[@edwest8804]

You don't drop from $70/month iPhone to flip phone. Plenty of companies offer $20/month talk and text that'll work on his current phone, some of the big companies budget carriers offer unlimited or some amount of data for as low as $15/month with speeds deprioritized during congested periods but it's not hard to get cheap service. He probably has internet available or cheap enough he could cut that amount in half. She's acting like some kind of savior for his expensive phone plan and "iPhone".

[@coolaunt516]

You can't fix stupid.

[@diceportz7107]

I'm always suspect when a young person calls to complain about their elder's "poor choices".

[@GAFB1122]

Why? I've seen my elders make poor choices. Haven't you? Do you think age is the only component of being wise? Maybe you should watch OnPatrolLive that airs Friday and Saturday night, lots of elders making poor choices.

[@aboyandhisdad7857]

He was by her account a great Dad and now he's having trouble after divorcing after 35 years and you will think she should cancel his phone on principal? Wild stuff.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

Huge elephant in the room, the Dad is on dating apps. Chances are, he is being scammed, and slowly drained of what little money he has. Chances are, he won't listen to the daughter or anyone else, that he is being scammed. Unfortunately, sounds like he cannot be helped, or rather, does not want the actual help (to see the reality).

[@TF-mw4sy]

Dad might have a psychosis- either drug related or mental. Sometimes when people grow older, it becomes more obvious. There are some signs here- financially unstable, bad choices, can't commit to relationships, scam relationships. Daughter might want to suggest therapy to start. ❤

[@justasmalltimebean]

As a doctor, psychosis is relatively rare. There are a lot of other reasons he could be doing this behaviour

[@UsernameUnkwn21]

He could go on mint mobile 20$ a month.. this is not an impossible situation to resolve

[@CJG1419]

Why is it like pulling teeth to get these callers to spit it out?

[@suen5006]

She's very vague about these "questionable life-style choice". Is is drugs? Romance scams? Give dad a flip phone so he can keep in touch or for emergencies and then he can't get in trouble.

[@sportimpactfoundation6506]

If you are giving the phone for safety, then continue to pay the bill. If you are using your payment as a control mechanism for your father's behavior, you shouldn't have done it in the first place. What is the primary purpose of you paying the bill? Please disconnect with the enmeshment and keep the relationship. You are not his parent, You can love someone without taking responsibility and control of them. You are the daughter-- that is the relationship you should be participating in.

[@GAFB1122]

Where you see control, I see a man taking advantage of another. I don't take advantage of anyone.

[@BirdDogey1]

You either help someone you love or you don't. You don't tie strings. She is trying to control and can't. Doesn't mean she is bad. Help or don't help. This is not the place to find a Christian response.

[@WendyW7508]

If they live in different states, then who really cares what he does? Her bank account is not attached to his phone. Unless she put access to her account on there. She should remove it if she did. That would be silly. But, he is his own person. Healthy distance, ya know. Unless he's drinking himself to death or doing heroin or something, his choices dont have to be run thru her approval filter.

[@Sable1837]

Forced to what? 😳

[@sseraj2898]

Dad continues to make poor choices the women who brought you in this world couldn’t change him; besides he can take care of bill if he can manage to date younger womens; cut the bill cut the cord.

[@Rebecca-ci3zc]

He’s involved in romance scams! Don’t pay his phone bill because he’s using that extra money to send to Nigerian scammers.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

She's complaining just because he is separated, and are on dating apps? Is he getting scammed on them? She's only paying the cell phone bill. So does not sound like a money issue. For all we know, he can be on her family plan.

[@GAFB1122]

It does not matter what she may or may not be angry about. She is NOT morally or legally obligated to have him on her plan OR pay for his cell phone bill. Or pay for any other bill for that matter. He is a grown adult. Now Jimmy TRY and refute that? All you have to do Jimmy is agree and say factually yes, he is a grown adult, and she is not morally or legally obligated to pay for anything for him. But I expect you will weasel your way out of that one also, because that is what Jimmy does. Personally, I'd severe ALL financial ties with him. If he wants to have a personal relationship so, be it but NO MORE MONEY!

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@GAFB1122 But she is keep on saying he has a problem. But she did not mention anything other then on dating app talking to young women.

[@GAFB1122]

​@@jimmymcgill6778 So. It does not change the advice I would give her, nor does it make me wrong. If she is uncomfortable FOR ANY REASON with the financial arrangement including something as simple as the phone bill, she is NOT obligated to continue it. She NEEDS TO STOP!! Again, how could you Jimmy disagree with that? Hmmm

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@GAFB1122 And she still gave no reasoning as to he was doing wrong with his money.

[@GAFB1122]

@jimmymcgill6778 I don't care. You just need to be contrary. There is something wrong with you that you cannot say, "you're right she is not obligated". And that is why I do NOT think favorably of you, because your goal is to just be contrary in the comment section.

[@listerinr]

But is she safe?

[@johndone8045]

If its phone bill only just shutup and pay, family plan is like 50 per line

[@mhodge0890]

Then keep treating your dad like a child and good luck

[@clc477]

40 bucks a month unlimited data at walmart .just guve him that if want and be happy dint sweat it

[@willelliott5052]

Sounds like he is losing what little money lies within his reach to romance scams.

[@DavidKnicks]

This is sad to hear

[@odessajackson4551]

You don't have to parent him just stop.. it's just that easy... there's no law against it!!!

[@imveryhungry112]

This is why parents SHOULD NOT go into debt to pay for kids college. Once you get old they WILL NOT help you. Kick them out at 18 and live your best life!!!! 😊

[@GAFB1122]

You would enable someone and hurt them in the process. You are the worst kind of person.

[@imveryhungry112]

@GAFB1122 who are you to judge me? I'm pointing out to parents that children won't even pay your phone bill when your old and Grey so focus on YOUR OWN finances!!! 😊😊

[@GAFB1122]

​​@@imveryhungry112I will judge you if I wish. And I have judged you. See my previous comment.

[@HOLDXSTEEL]

Keep paying the bill!

[@joeriveracomedy]

Go to 4 minutes if you want to hear the nuance she reluctantly mentioned without actual nuance

[@roddiesimmons8773]

Ow, this is hard to listen to. Instead of answering the question, she rambles on off topic and doesn't face the truth.

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

her mom ruined this man's life

[@KS-cl8br]

He probably caused the divorce

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

@@KS-cl8br he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays

[@bobmcdoggish9659]

This is just sad.

[@treasurethetime2463]

Dude, don't listen to these guys on this. Pay the 50 bucks a month so you can have peace of mind. All this love language andl principle stuff is overthinking. If he's a good guy otherwise, but just a dipshyt with money, help him out if it's not hurting you.

[@GAFB1122]

Sounds like a comment from the typical enabler. You will NOT be bad (or a dipshyt as you put it) with my money!

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

I'm not sure about this one! You're just rambling off stuff You have no idea about! You don't know the struggles He's been through to even know why he's doing what he's doing!

[@justasmalltimebean]

Explanation not an excuse

[@RedHairDontCare1]

He's talking to dudes, not 30 year old women.

[@michaeltucker3361]

One thing when you BORN you can't even choose your parents Remember TIME and DEATH works together just keep looking in the Mirror

[@coderider3022]

Dr Phil again……….

[@landonpainter20]

I wish I could work for Dave but sadly he don’t have any remote positions

[@zvmZvm0102]

Woman is lying, she DOES want to "parent" him. So why'd she call in? Because she also wants to pretend to be a victim.

[@XennialGuy]

Danielle: "My father wants money and talks to 30-year-old women." John: "Danielle, are you in a safe place right now?"

[@screwdriver_bandit]

Ooof

[@FiOSFellow]

God Dang I just can't stand John and his pretentious psycho babble.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It’s his JOB. You CHOSE to click on the video knowing Dr. John was in the thumbnail so you only have yourself to blame. Delony is a trained therapist. Dave hired him to dig into the emotions. If you don’t like it, don’t watch when John is on. It’s that simple.

[@GAFB1122]

@@flashthecorgi2053 Yep!! People come here and complain about the hosts or the fundamentals of the "Ramsey program" in general, YET they keep coming here and never miss a video.

[@carpediem6431]

I generally agree with his advice.

[@FrankS111]

“He was a great dad but makes bad choices”. Sounds like his bad choices are getting married and picking bad women.

[@GAFB1122]

Sounds like the problem is him. But you'd never agree with that because you hate women.

[@fortyseventhronin]

How exactly is this some woman's fault?

[@FrankS111]

@@fortyseventhronin well apparently when women make poor choices in men to reproduce with is the fault of the men then the same case applies here where if he’s picking women who take him for his money then it’s the fault of the women. Unless you’re a hypocritical misandrist and would like to admit as such??

[@stardarkk]

is her dad safe? is he able the breathe?

[@TrazimDollare1982]

John: Is your Dad Safe?

[@legojon19]

First

[@imveryhungry112]

Pay the man's phone bill he's your Dad

[@GAFB1122]

No. You would enable someone and when it goes bad, you would be partially to blame.

[@nikkisigmon8090]

I dont pay my mom's phone bill. I dont pay my dad's phone bill. I dont pay my brother's phone bill. They don't live with you, and and ability to create income themselves. Why would you pay their phone bill? Just bc they are family? No mate. That's not a moral responsibility.

[@imveryhungry112]

@nikkisigmon8090 did they wipe your a$$ for years and feed and clothe you?

[@imveryhungry112]

@@GAFB1122 haha your parents are old people 😂 🤣

[@Bando1017]

Yikes

[@FMD70757]

Just pay it. He probably shelled out more money on her during her childhood.

[@nikkisigmon8090]

That's not a moral responsibility and could actually put him in a worse situation. How much money someone pours into you doesnt mean that they now control your actions. That's manipulation tactic.

[@t.n.dynamite]

Dad gave you LIFE.....just pay the phone bill. I'm not sure how old you are or he is, but now YOU KNOW what type of parent NOT to be to your children.

[@fortyseventhronin]

Dad gave me life. Yes. That is a good thing WHY?

[@nikkisigmon8090]

Just bc someone is family doesnt mean you have to have to be an enabler and pay their own bills 😂

[@Bando1017]

Might as well pay his Mortgage, water and electric bill too 🤦‍♂️