These are 3 Reasons You Feel ALONE

[@robertengland8769]

I feel alone, because i am alone. I prefer my own company over that of others.

[@stevesmith-ny8jb]

I too prefer my own company. But that's because society molded me partially into who I am. I did the rest of the damage. Being alone is physical. Being lonely is mental and emotional. Two entirely different things. I am not lonely but I do miss being able to take care of a lady, even if it's just dinner with a friend.

[@FriendlyNeighborhoodUnclePete]

This was how I grew up. I understand 100% what you mean. Nowadays I put myself last in situations because of it. Never felt like I was important growing up.

[@indridcold8433]

None of us are important. However, I quit wanting to fit into a social heard, to be acknowledged, and to even be noticed. There is no biological imparative for humans to be part of a social heard, have friends, nor to be accepted. I am almost actually invisible. I can enter restricted areas, change clothing in public, if I have to do so, play in creeks as an adult, climb trees, go sledding, drive in the rain with the top off the vehicle, and much more. Nobody even notices me. When I looked last my indoctrination that humans must be social to be successful and happy, I learned that the perceived invisibility is wonderful! I quit trying to find friends, and a girlfriend, many years ago. I do not need them. I have my invisibility. It is my super power. I go weeks without seeing a human, save in television. I go weeks without speaking. Nobody knows me, nor notices me. It is a way of life to embrace, not to fear. I will likely never have friends, nor a girlfriend, ever again. It has simplified life incredibly. There is no need to waste effort to resist the fact that I am an anonymous background figure that nobody knows. I love my invisibility!

[@jules_8673]

As a teenager and adult I’ve felt like I’m forgettable and invisible. It’s always something I struggle with.

[@indridcold8433]

I embraced my anonymity, "invisibility," my attributes that make me one of the most forgettable, overlooked, and completely ignored people on the planet. When you embrace being nobody it becomes a super power. No place is off limits to me. I dress so bland and nondescript that I could probably go to a police station evidence room and look around. I still play like a kid would, in creeks, lakes, climb trees, do whatever I please within the law. Nobody notices me at all. After a significant amount of time trying to find friends, trying to find a girlfriend, and trying to be accepted into a social herd, I decided that if I was going to be forgettable, and, "invisible," I could just forget trying to be social entirely. Nobody needs friends, nor a mate, with the freedom I have obtained by just forgetting the status quo indoctrination that humans must be social to be happy and successful. If friendship is hard to obtain, and a mate is impossible to find, just forget the life people think you should have and live the life you can have. My last friends were back in 2000, as well as my last girlfriend. They were all fakes, users, and liars. Nobody needs to be noticed, acknowledged, nor be accepted. Those are all social constructs that are indoctrinated to us at an early age. There is an entire different life to live if you just forget about what you are supposed to do and just do what you can do naturally. I go weeks without seeing humans, save on television. I also go weeks without speaking, as well. It is actually a rather liberating life. Do not try to be noticed, and not forgotten. It will never hurt you if you are forgotten and never acknowledged. Today, absolutely nobody needs to be social. I have been completely alone since 8 August 2000 at 18:34. I am very healthy, energetic, and self-reliant. If anything, I found myself in far worse conditions when I was struggling with being social.

[@JoanneTurner-l2q]

​@@indridcold8433qq😊

[@ventithedrunk9506]

This... Especially forgettable

[@heatherbrenner8275]

One thing that I grew up with that I am really glad has fallen out of favor with people is the phrase " kids should be seen and not heard " because what happens is you end up neither seen nor heard. You grow up believing that you are unimportant in anything that goes on in the world. So much so that I'm not even included in some of my memories.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad acts like the phrase, and I paraphrase it "kids should not be heard, nor seen". He's horrible!

[@grainiac7824]

I would submit the culture has gone full swing the other way telling everyone they're special and giving them everything they want. The generation raised with seen and not heard learned to listen and respect. The more recent generation can't stand to hear other opinions and screams over others rather than learning constructive conversation.

[@naginigriffindor2320]

This pretty much descibes my life, I always think that I've been trying to fit in so hard that I started to become invisible because what is left to see if you are actively working against that... But it started way earlier. I always think I've accepted it but then again it still hurts just being ignored, talking but not being heard and sometimes having people count and forgetting I'm there too... Thank you for this video Kati, it explains a lot 😊

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry you are going through this :( I hope some of the tips I offered can help you feel more seen. xoxo

[@0zyris]

The day I started school, my parents just dropped me at the front gate and drove off. I had to find my way to the school hall where the other starters were gathering with their attentive parents. I wandered around having no idea what I was supposed to be doing there. I went on to achieving on average second or third in year in the exams from the get go. As the years went by, all the principal wrote on my report term after term was "He can do better", "He should try harder". Not once did they put "Brilliantly done!" or anything like that. I taught myself to read well before I started a school. But my teacher refused to allow me to prove it or acknowledge it. I was forced to be the same as all the other kids. My parents never once attended a PTA meeting or came to watch sports. They never once asked me how I was doing and did I need anything. Nobody cared a jot. So I gave up bothering and gradually I sank down the rankings till I was somewhere in the middle, which I could do without opening a schoolbook once and doing the minimum homework I needed to. I have mostly lived my life alone, regardless of how many people were around me. I gave up trying to prove myself to anyone else and focused on impressing myself. Aloneness is safer.

[@WisconsinWanderer]

this comes up more than I want to admit at 67 I feel less seen and not shown basic respect thanks Katie

[@Itzvnessa.]

Hey, I just turned 18 last month and I've been struggling with this for so long. Barely eating or showering too and I always felt super attached to any adult figures I've just met and any slight change in their facial expression or tone sends me into a downward spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts (self harm too ) even though I know they don't owe me anything. I've been struggling lately to move past it but it's like the people around me dictate my mood and I don't think I've genuinely ever been happy since I was 13. I usually lock myself up in my room to avoid interacting with people in hopes that I'd avoid getting attached and having them dictate my mood. I'm so glad this video surfaced my KZbin feed. I always find watching your videos to be extremely comforting.

[@JDforeveralone]

My heartfelt feelings for you! Whatever harm has been done to you, it's now up to you to work on yourself. I'm sorry to just bluntly write this, it's just what it is. I suggest to you to look up "attachment theories". Plus "inner child work". Getting better is indeed possible it just takes time and commitment to work on your negative core values. Other than this channel I also follow Dr Kim Sage, Patrick Teahan (he's got good stuff but I don't agree with his approach towards cutting of the "negligent parent", I believe that indeed part of healing is to forgive and move on). I hope for you that you will find healing and improvement of your own self. Never forget - your best friend is and will always be you. Look after her.

[@sdueber18]

same

[@FullTimePatient37]

When you're bed ridden..and wheel chair bond you are invisible 🫥.. I'm not imagining Katie 😢 not even phone calls or texts.

[@nancybartley4610]

I am sorry you are alone.

[@JFS1215]

I see you now Sorry that you are feeling so unseen and possibly alone

[@gmarie9507]

Oh, I’m so sorry. My sister was in a wheelchair and no one talked to her. I’m really sorry 😢

[@bethanylawyer917]

There is hope and things that can be done! The truth is that some people have to work harder to find community. I to am some one who had to work harder, so I'm well aware of the discouragement and draw to feel sorry for ones self... but those accomplish nothing. You have options, but first I would encourage you to look at yourself. Everyone had areas that they could grow in. Some times we are the reason we don't have community. You count start by asking people in your life for feed back or if you can't bring yourself to ask anybody you could read books and watch videos on relationships, communication, self improvement, etc. Some times this can be the answer as we may have a bad habit that is pushing people away. You mention no calls or texts, well then, you could call and text people. Especially if you have more time on your hands than the people you're hoping to be friends with. There are good people out there that are busy and distracted and some times you have to pursue them with intention. Don't nag, reach out to them constantly, expect to much from them etc. This is part of the reason people need a wide support system, it's common for lonely people to expect to much from any one person, which then drives that person away. Adjust your expectations, be thankful for what people do give you and focus on trying to widen your support system instead of pushing to hard on a few people. Don't make the relationships all about you or be negative all the time. This is a very draining thing for people in relationships. Askthem questions, really listen and show interest in who they are. Talk about good things that have happened, passions, interests, etc, more so than the bad. Ease into relationships. Don't trauma dump, over share or try to go 0-60 in new relationships. As hard as it can be to wait, let the relationship grow more slowly or you may push them away. And put yourself out there. This may look different for different people, but there are options. Join groups in person and/or online. There are lots of options if you look. Check free things to do in your community, join groups that are for interests you enjoy, go to a good church, join a pen pal sight, get involved in a support group, get to know your neighbors, etc... there are countless options out there. And a big one, you could stop thinking about yourself. It's very easy as a lonely person for us to get stuck in our own heads and the hole of "woe is me". This can make us negative, depressing and selfish. Change your mindset. There are options, for everyone, if you look and if you try. Maybe focus on what you can do for others instead, maybe look at the ways you can show up for others and love them. You know what it feels like to feel invisible, maybe unloved or worthless... well there are a lot of others who feel that way, even ones that could really surprise you. Look for people that you can SEE and be there for them, see them, love them. Be apart of the solution to the loneliness problem we have in the world, be the change you wish to see. See everybody, smile, say hello, change people's days. It's amazing how small acts can make a huge difference. Don't give up! That doesn't accomplish anything. If you don't have friends now, then you have nothing to lose. Give it a try and keep trying, a no will always be a no if you don't ask. Good luck!

[@lulumoon6942]

Right there with you. The only thing worse are PITY interactions. Look for ways to help someone else, even in the smallest ways, like with health care workers. Best to you. 🙏

[@daviawyliefinch3017]

Being invisible is the only way I can avoid potentially dangerous negative attention, so I've had to resign myself to not being seen. This goes along with not having any friends, relationships, or close family connections IRL, so I've also had to learn to be very self-reliant and okay with being alone virtually all of the time. (I do have one online friend I can be myself with, as long as certain restrictions are met, which is short of being fully seen, but better than nothing.) I've been studying mental health for several decades now, and it has certainly helped me a lot, but there are certain kinds of problems which I don't seem to be able to solve.

[@ClementineShmementine]

I have always said I felt invisible, now I want to stay invisible

[@Lavon_Professional]

Sad to hear, what things will make you happy?

[@ClementineShmementine]

@@Lavon_Professional with my life? I wish to not have ADHD. It has caused me a life of pain and depression. It has ripple effects, it has energy (not the good kind,) that is considered too much. I have been told I would never survive. I grew up fighting alone, and been homeless before. The problem with ADHD is the utter body physical pain- i cannot move without being uncomfortable or in pain. My hands hurt just typing this. My head hurts since I was a little girl. I have chronic pain down my body because I’ve run into things and I fall and I have pain and arthritis from those injuries. I drop everything and people get mad and they get mad at everything and I get nitpicked. I get told that I need to fix my handwriting when my hand hurts, I have to try harder than my coworkers, and even if I prove myself, they still nitpick what I do. No one takes my advice even when it’s good advice, no one believes me when I tell him I know something. Everybody fucks with my memory. If I didn’t have this people would be nicer and I’d be in less pain. I might have self esteem on a healthier level.. My typos are not getting fixed because my fingertips hurt and it’s just not worth it.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

I see you

[@FriendlyNeighborhoodUnclePete]

I had none at first those 4 S’s. I’m much better now thanks to my wife. But the scars are still there. Never really goes away.

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad that you are much better now :) xoxo So sorry you missed out on the 4 S's growing up :( xoxo

[@asdeathmorgan2371]

I have always felt invisible my whole life. Like, I would say something and my friends wouldn't even acknowledge it. What was a big breaking point for me was, I was in homeroom and my teach looked me directly in the eyes and said I wasn't there. Luckily, my friend next to me, wa like 'What?' And she accused me of going to the bathroom before asking. Now I've learned, that I don't need people to see me. As long as I see myself.

[@belindaweber7999]

Grew up walking on eggshells, feeling that I was a financial drain, and that what my step-father wanted mattered more than anything anyone else wanted/needed. This video helps a lot to identify what is really going on now. So thank you, my ultra autonomy and introverted behaviours need to adjust. I def creep around housemates worried all the time that I'll be "in the way" or "using too much" or "being gross" to the point that I'm scared of being kicked out of the house. It. Is. Tiring.

[@jansimpson4364]

My father was ill from when I was around 5. I remember feeling guilty for being angry at him - not ok to be angry that someone is ill, it’s not their fault, etc… I learned to be quiet and that I needed to be ok on my own as my mother was busy with his illness.

[@sashaclarke2749]

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[@MelodieRose727]

Oh my god. I didn’t know it had a name. I’m crying so hard but I’m so relieved. Thank you.

[@embrown1442000]

After my Mom broke her arm and had all kinds of complications, I felt almost completely emotionally abandoned. I remember silently thinking of myself as just another piece of furniture that needed fo be hauled around. I was barely in my teens then. And it never got better unless my mother needed attention from me (narcissistic supply). Just terrible.

[@liefknuffelbeertje5971]

Kati, thank you for this video. You really had me with the example of not cooking for yourself because you are afraid your roommates come into the kitchen. That is literally me! So that struck me with surprise, as if you know me. I recognised a lot from this video, so thank you. It helps me to know that I am not the only one struggling with this. To anyone reading this: you are not ALONE, please know this and take care of yourself!

[@SweepTheLeg2023]

❤ *I now identify as invisible although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent.* My pronouns are who/where

[@l4l755]

Thanks! Needed to hear this. Feeling invisible and being a people pleaser really do go hand in hand. And yes, it is true, some people do see us. We need to notice and recognize when it happens, and work to recognize others and be that person. We all want to be seen.

[@heididavis8535]

I was the invisible child. As I started getting unwanted attention when I reached young adulthood I began putting on weight as a shield against this. Over the years I put on an immense amount of weight and had bariatric surgery. This was so difficult because I was the same person. Same personality, same intelligence, but now my shield has been stripped away. It’s hard to see people who wouldn’t give you the time of day as a morbidly obese person then seek you out once you become “normal”. There are times I miss my invisibility shield, but therapy is helping.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I'm the scapegoat and hate that role. I don't matter to Dad, hardly at all!

[@sashaclarke2749]

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[@elianad2083]

I was in a pattern of toxic and emotionally abusive relationships (Yes, I am in therapy) told by an ex in 1996. He said " I have everything, you have nothing". For some reason..that comment has stayed stuck in my head to this day. I believed all the horrible things he told me.

[@sheilaives1195]

This is so me, I'm a twin made some huge mistakes in life, and now in a situation at the age of 65 caring too much about what other people think, feel like I'm "in a prison" I think my husband is a narcissist and then again think that it's me and not him. Thank you Kati, listening to your podcasts is like turning on a light in a dark place.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

All of these are me. My entire life I've been overshadowed, forgotten about, or thought of as a last resort. Even in my adult life, people will talk over me in conversations or aren't paying attention to me when I do speak. I think this is why my personality evolved to be "larger than life" because it was the only way I could ever get attention or be heard.

[@sashaclarke2749]

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[@MeganVincent-tl4tg]

Wow. This was and still is me. It’s hard to pinpoint but it always showed up for me in people pleasing and friends. I always felt an emptiness and a sadness I couldn’t really describe. I believe I am on the spectrum and it caused a lot of issues growing up. To this day, I have to constantly remind myself that I am as worthy as everyone else because the shame is overwhelming at times. I have purposely isolated myself because people are just exhausting and the pain just isn’t worth it anymore.

[@dashandtuch7183]

Reason 3 hits the nail on the head for me. I've been working on it but it's not easy. In company of more than 1 person on generally in public I feel like a literal alien, like I was the one only member of the out-group. I had to laugh at the notion that there are people like me who think they'll never find love or connection because of how "weird" they are. Because all I'm looking for is a person who has similar challenges, can understand the struggle and is sensitive and emotionally intelligent. And even though I feel this way I still can't reflect this on myself.

[@JB52520]

I was everyone's favorite target for bullying, from kindergarten through high school. They had their fun doing their damage, and when it was over, loneliness and invisibility. I'm so lonely that if I don't find a medication to shut it off I'm not going to survive, but I'm so invisible I can't function. I have to try hard not to startle people because my footsteps are silent. I just appear. Then they'll think I'm still in the room because they don't notice me leave, so I have to let them know I'm leaving. By people I mean my mom and brother. There isn't enough interaction with anyone else to count. Imagine how much tension and fear goes into accidentally being stealthy. I'm too afraid to not wear the most invisible face I can manage for shopping or other involuntary appearances in public. Not noticeably emotionless; that draws bullying. It feels like I look too happy for how I am. This gets the fewest responses. Despite this, I hate the loneliness so much. Yet I'm too broken to be accepted by even the most defective and desperate person out there. Not like she could find me. I certainly can't find her. I'm alone forever and it's killing me.

[@peaceofleather]

Wow. This explains a LOT. I grew up with Jehovah Witness parents. I'm 56 and still messed up even though they kicked me out at 17 and one is dead and the other is still with Jehovah.

[@CatchE6e]

I convinced everyone in my middle school that I believed people could disappear. Obviously I knew that wasn't possible, but I liked the attention I got. In my later years, this unfortunately turned into drinking Way too much at parties and making a Lot of dumb decisions.... again, attention seeking. I always thought it was my dad leaving me when I was young that messed me up, but only recently realized how being left with an un-nurturing mom who definitely did not SEE or SOOTHE me, I think is really where most of my damage occurred. One of my very first memories was pulling up to our new house when I was 3 and my parents had just split. I burst into tears realizing that nothing was ever going to be the same again, and my mom dismissively telling me to stop crying...and so I did, and that was the last time I expressed any emotion regarding the loss of my dad who had meant everything to me. I am only just now learning how to self-soothe, and videos like this are so incredibly helpful on this journey. Thanks Katie, from the bottom of my heart, thank you

[@itsonlyatail]

I’m now 68 and I think I like being invisible now. Public experiences make me very anxious. I think I like to stay home because I feel that people are going to figure out who I really am. I was a people pleaser for years, now I give up. I also was diagnosed with ADHD at 65, which explains a lot about my life, is that why my mother was emotionally unattached? It also makes me angry, if treated earlier, I could have had a totally different life. ADHD was not even a thing in the 1960’s, especially for girls! So now I’m really self conscious about how people will see me! and people who knew me before, I’m embarrassed to see again.At 68 I feel like, I may only have a limited amount of time left to live, should I even bother trying to change? The negativity is so ingrained, feels like an overwhelming task. I would love your input about mental illness in the over 60 group!

[@Louisyed]

I think insecurity in friendships, or bullying when we are young is also something that is not considered enough. As a teen I had a group of friends where one of them would manipulate the others into shutting me out (e.g. she'd make up things I'd supposedly done to her and fake cry about it). The worst bit wasn't even what she did, it was my other friends not standing up for me. I was always worried about what would happen next and that I would be rejected from the group and I couldn’t just relax and be myself and feel accepted. I STILL have nightmares about that group now at 30. There were issues within my family too as to why I have the feelings described here, but I think the impact of those issues with peers is underappreciated.

[@jansimpson4364]

I’m sorry that happened to you. I had a friend group like this in elementary school - a school bully who could pull the entire class against one person. I didn’t know how to stop it so I would go be with that person. Eventually the bully’s attention moved on. I learned that people don’t stand up because they are afraid they’ll be next. I wish I had known how to stand up to the bully and call them out but I didn’t have that skill, the actions, the words… so I just did what I could for the targeted person. But it haunted me the same way it did you. Maybe the right answer would have been to get an adult involved but once you’re an adult it really is about the community learning to stand up and say no together. Maybe people don’t stand up because they’re afraid they’ll be the only one to stand up…

[@elianad2083]

Same here. Like the two friends I thought I had.. would then become close and reject me or manipulate me. This happened until I was about 18.

[@awkwardemily15]

Ugh I'm one of those people who gets angry about self compassion, it doesn't feel right. It feels fake and an excuse to not do better and be lazy. I know this stems from receiving negative motivation as a kid and perceiving lots of negative judgment. My therapist tells me that negativity hasn't been working. And to a point I agree... It's hard to let go of, but I'm so tired of being mean to myself.

[@xenonenmrr]

I really needed this video today. Thank you for your work ❤

[@ahmedshihab7889]

As a child I was somewhat different which made me feel guilty and that is why I choose to be invisible.

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Katimorton]

Of course :) xoxo

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

@@Katimorton miss Katie I can’t thank you enough for the help that you’ve bestowed on me. Everything in life is difficult in one way or another and at 52 I’m finally figuring a little bit of life out. With your help and my therapist who is awesome I’m giving myself grace and learning the tools i need for the next chapter of my life. Surely blessings will follow you wherever you may go 💕

[@MissJessss]

You helpe heal everyday. Thank you so very much love from New Hampshire

[@LadyEdHD805]

Nailed it!

[@anthis4297]

So helpful video, thank you ❤

[@NickinaCage]

Kati is so very good to listen to.

[@roshanrahealer]

Thank you for this video. I see you. :) I appreciate how open you are with what you still need to heal from. I'm going through that this morning, so the message hit home. While watching, I played my steel drum, which I tinker around with but haven't learned officially. I'm like that with most instruments, though I love making music.

[@ibageldotcom2]

Well, this was the most painful and relatable video I've ever seen. Thank you

[@SurferJoe1]

This is one thing I've always understood about myself. Yep, at school and elsewhere I was always the class clown. At home, there was no such thing as good publicity, and my desire to be an artist from three years old was considered dishonorable and something I needed to outgrow. Jesus wanted me to play football, at which I sucked, and which made me feel horrible about myself. But failure at that was considered more honorable than success at drawing and storytelling (my eventual career). For lots of reasons I've always wanted to be the Invisible Man. (But not a malevolent one, like Claude Rains!)

[@sami6086]

Great video and advice. You explained it so well, and in detail, covered it so well. I’m going to follow the steps. Thanks ❤

[@erin723]

I only just clicked the video so I am commenting without the full conversation. But just seeing the title (and similar titles) always makes me think “🤔 in today’s world who is actually still not understanding why we feel ?” Personally, I’m so beyond understanding the how and why, and much more focused on dealing with the situation I have landed myself in (25 years ago) and cannot easily get myself out of. I understand I have to take action myself. What I’m confused about is how is possible that people don’t understand the situations they’re in. Or how they got there. Or why they’re blaming themselves, and why they are not the issue. Do I watch/read/listen to too much stuff that others don’t and therefore don’t get these concepts? Yes, I F’ed up. And I know why. And I know that my husband is a narcissist. What I don’t understand is how/why others are unable to see their own situation. No way someone is suffering and has no idea that “it’s not them.” The internet has been around long enough for everyone to catch wind of the idea that it’s not {my} fault. I DO NOT MEAN TO IMPLY THAT WE CAN SIMPLY HEAR A MESSAGE AND HEAL OURSELVES. I am struggling to understand how people are freshly coming to this information. And if you are, then I am so glad, because it’s not you! I guess my personal struggle is this - all of this information, while vital, is already known (to me). Are there truly people who have not yet recognized they are being abused (in one of the many forms)? Again, perhaps I consume too much information and am not aware of other people’s experiences. I need to know how to survive in an emotionally unsafe environment while being the safe parent. I can’t hear “just leave” even though I could. And would if that were the easy answer. My kids are 18+. They still guidance and help. I’m not about to uproot them and the only home they’ve ever known just because they’re dad and I are at odds.

[@alphadog3384]

Off the chart for excellence 😊.

[@Katimorton]

Thanks for listening! Glad you liked it. 😀

[@sierracharlene94]

All I can say is thank you for this. 💜

[@stevesmith-ny8jb]

Best video so far. Thank you for all the time investment that you have made to give the world a better chance for happines. My problem is I have little to no memory of my youth because of a motor vehicle accident when I was 19. All I was able to retain was the miserable feeling and negativity, but no reason why I had a miserable feeling. How can I try to find some happiness somewhere?

[@elianad2083]

Dang..I've read all the comments and can relate so much to what everyone is saying. I wish we could all just meet each other somehow, form a group and form friendships. Everyone seems so sweet on here.

[@mariabrundy9495]

I have the reverse problem. I feel seen constanyly...and I want to be invisible all of the time. I also don't think that what I say has value or like people really want to hear my point of view.

[@lindaprichard5907]

if you think you’re invisible when you’re young, just wait til you hit 70. We are not an elder friendly society. the older i get, the more invisible i feel.

[@sashaclarke2749]

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[@epuresoul]

took notes on this one, thank you

[@tracy8836]

and I thought that invisibility was my super power all these many years....because I am excellent at it.

[@maivaiva1412]

Goddamn. The safe, seen, soothed, and secure hit me harder than I expected. My mom has massive anxiety issues and even though she tried her very best, I very often could not feel any of those things because of her anxiety. I have trouble thinking that my own emotional issues even come from my childhood because I really was loved and cared for and not abused in any way, but that list kind of hit me. To top it off, I feel like the difficulty in recognizing the damage caused by that also stems from mom's anxiety. I have an overpowering instinct to pre-emptively soothe her whenever that comes up, to insist it's not her fault.

[@JDforeveralone]

You're not alone here. Anxiety and depression - my mum. You have to realise that it's not always abuse or not being looked after (obvious things) which leave deep scars but also things which should have happened but didn't! Emotional neglect. Emotional unavailable parents. I've only learnt this recently and carry the pain with me of how much my own upbringing has affected the way I raised my own kids. Never meant to hurt them. Just didn't know any better. Growing up with one or both parents suffering from mental health issues is actually part of the ACE list. Adverse Childhood Experiences.

[@maivaiva1412]

@@JDforeveralone thank you 🙏 we're all still learning

[@sukhpalsandhu6341]

So good Kati, this makes so much sense.Thank you

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I was and am still being mistreated by Dad, the scapegoat. He doesn't like when I complain. He thinks he's perfect and nitpicks at me. He needs to put up and shut the hell up. It's exhausting! I deserve a better dad! I was threatened: not to tell anyone, that I would be punished. I felt threatened. I don't trust him now! He expects me to put up and shut up. He's wrong!!

[@arishasattar949]

You are soooo good Really in need of this Stay happy at peace

[@acfatemi]

What a nice surprise! I haven’t been watching Your videos for quite a while, and now when I started watching this one I found a Kati much more sincere & mature & talking ”to me” in a direct, non-theatrical way = very agreeable, pleasant and easier to absorb the important information

[@Marta-dn7qs]

I think the only way to overcome this is with self love and not depend on others. One day people areound that are able to apreciate pur worth will appear

[@gabriellemorellisinger1608]

I still feel this way as an adult unfortunately living with my abusive Mother have CPTSD and had to move back in after I raised my kids and got away!!!! I just can’t seem to get out of this cycle and I grieve my old self and feel helpless

[@JFS1215]

Wow, this video is really filled with great healing content. Thank you for all your hard work in making these videos. You have literally saved people’s lives with them!

[@Nigellagirl99]

Thank you for all you do ❤ so incredibly helpful 🎉

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome!

[@Shaun_rennycinq]

i dont know where id be without you Kati

[@frslover]

Wow. This subject hit home for me Kati. I can relate to this subject wholeheartedly. I still feel inadequate now. Its like talking to a wall. When I am at work I notice this the most. I am trying new things this month like fish tacos for the first time next week on my birthday. Its been on my list for a long time. Anyway, thanks for sharing some tips to overcome this obstacle.

[@solesurvivor005]

Thank you for the video. Quick Question: a 3 year diploma in counselling or 6-8 years of study to become a neuropsychologist, what are your thoughts on this? P.S: decision is to be made by a person who is changing his career in 30s.

[@missphoenix2232]

Because of ur vid on meds i finally started taking medication for my mdd

[@gabrielamontenegro8090]

Can people recover from childhood trauma or do we just cope with our dysfunction?

[@kbutcher]

Thank you, I think imposter syndrome can be helped with your kind words.

[@ClementineShmementine]

I have PDD. I think my father had explosive disorder and narcissistic. I stayed in my closet for safety and art. I rarely slept. I was named after a woman my parents hated.

[@mrsthe97]

0 for 4 on the S's. I'll be rewatching this video a lot because I need work in every area you mention. 😢

[@owenmcgheeandbdawg]

I would like you to clarify what you believe the difference is between alone and lonely

[@joshuamoyer4141]

Reason 1: I’m literally alone

[@Maryland_Kulak]

I like being invisible. Isn’t it kind of narcissistic to want to be “seen” all the time? I just want to do my own thing and be left alone.

[@nancybartley4610]

She doesn't mean be the center of attention. She means that when you were a child your parents wanted to know you, to know how you felt, to accept you for who you were, to validate your feelings and love you unconditionally. People who had this as a child don't worry about whether or not they are seen as adults. They see themselves as okay, as not perfect but not broken either.

[@drivers99]

Watch 8:00 “either way we feel invisible, we just have different reasons for it”

[@vivalamew]

By 'seen' she means being understood, for the person a child is. Not the idea or wish the parent has their for their child. Basically unconditional love. That is not a narcisisstic wish, just a basic human need.

[@Maryland_Kulak]

@@vivalamewIf she means “understood” why would she use the word “seen”? I think it’s better to use the dictionary definition of words for things instead of making up new meanings for existing words. A lot of professions are guilty of doing that, not just psychology, but psychologists seem particularly egregious. Educators are too. It’s like they think by making up a new word it makes them seem smarter and more authoritative.

[@Maryland_Kulak]

@@vivalamewTo your point about parents. Is it possible that the fault is shared? Some children are genetically inclined to be shy and some are show-offs that constantly have to be the center of attention. The ones that want to be the center of attention are never satisfied. They might grow up and feel like they weren’t “seen” or understood. As an adult, I have worked with grown-ups who have to be the center of attention. In meetings, they drone on incessantly about themselves. As supervisors, they demand attention and admiration from the people they supervise. They do all the talking and none of the listening because they view leadership as finally getting their turn to be seen. I despise people like that.

[@bsfishing7073]

I😢have been thinking about this same thing 😮I don’t know how I manage to come across your channel and my past trauma in my inter child has been going through so tough stuff as a adult we like to think that nothing happened but it not really the truth I was abused by both people who I have called parents and I wasn’t never told that I was loved 😮and it rocked me deeply were I felt a little bit off by anyone one say that they cared it’s wasn’t just that my stuff carried out in my sisters life too the point of justified the situation ruined what could have been a good strong love for me we were both rapped by family members 😢I would have killed anyone who would have hurt my family my parents didn’t even ern my respect but I gave it to them both lately I have struggles with feeling like family is overrated even if I am at church I remember when my father would sing in the church I don’t blame religion for the evil people they are even the devil knows the scripture but it doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with seeing family members and then I wonder are they really being honest only god can judge them I just know that no matter we’re we are they are wolfs but I don’t have any other way of thinking about stuff unless you have been through with this same hell you would never understand college didn’t help me find peace so my life has never been at peace 😮watching you talk about this subject makes me feel sad I just wish that nobody would ever have to go through this same sickness I have to understand why people don’t deserve to have kids have them and people who I know would love them don’t even get a chance I prayed for loving family and I didn’t get to vote for them dhs did what they thought was best I have so much stuff to deal with maybe I should write a book on this 😢

[@U-238]

I want to be invisible.. age effectively hits

[@lulumoon6942]

The only thing worse than not being seen after a lifetime of this becomes BEING SEEN. 👀😶‍🌫️

[@AnneTuja-fm2lk]

Where's the line between experiences of invisibility and transparency? Is the damage inflicted by these similar and can it be treated similarly? In other words how do you move on from feeling too seen and too exposed after having stalkerware on you phone and an extremely intrusive person in your life?

[@carrad123456]

Hi Kate, Emotional neglect can take very different form as well, person become semi narcissistic types with pendulum of victim or entitled mindset. And rather than that person feeling invisible, this neglected child as an adult makes his new relationships difficult . Where spouse , children etc are made to feel invisible if person is not in good mood or mistakes of person pointed out.

[@kenrickbautista6141]

Wow! This video hits hard. Sometimes, I feel so invisible to the people around me. I feel like the only time I'm ever seen is when I make a bad (/impulsive) choice or when I do a good job at something. My entire 28 years of life, I tried to do everything to make people happy and proud. I even try so, so hard to mask my neurodiversity and avoid saying or doing stupid things because I care A LOT what people think about me; it can have lasting effects. Perfectionism, insecurity and fear of failure feels like a long-lasting disease.

[@nancybartley4610]

I have learned that you need to go into yourself and ask yourself if the people ignoring you are the problem or if you are the problem. We are not perfect, so we contribute to our problems, but, and this but is my most important point, the people ignoring you are the problem. Why are they ignoring you? Some are caught up in their own problems. They aren't ignoring you. It feels like they are, of course, and that is then part of your contribution to the problem. (Because of your childhood you assume they are ignoring you when, in fact, they are so caught up in their own problems they can't see you.) Others deliberately ignore you because they are jealous, or playing some power game you don't fit into. Others don't have social skills or are just selfish. The list of reasons they ignore you goes on and on. Ultimately, once you realize your parents didn't see you and that that predisposed you to see the world of other people as doing the same, you have to realize you must start seeing you. It really is the only choice you have. The only one who can put you first is you. The rest of the world is doing that for themselves. I am not suggesting you become callous and indifferent to others because that will not make your life better or anyone else's either. But stop caring what other people think about you. I know that isn't easy, but what other solution is there? I see you.

[@kenrickbautista6141]

@@nancybartley4610 wow! You are so right. Thank you for that.

[@nancybartley4610]

@@kenrickbautista6141 This isn't important, but I really like the name "Kendrick."

[@kenrickbautista6141]

@@nancybartley4610 oh, thank you! 😊

[@moisesrosas7916]

1. you make hard questions to answer. 2. are you asking that to me? or for you? 3. Maybe because...... you feel like a ghost? 4. You Feel abandoned? 5. Feel sad? One of those.

[@marinakiell1069]

I know that for your videos you’re are looking back on CEN and how we grew up but there may be some of us who don’t remember when we were kids but all your stuff is resonating to the current us, that should be acknowledged too as you explain your topics each week.

[@katarinadale9532]

I have anxious avoidant attachment

[@hg3895]

You can heal from this, I did😊. God bless x

[@DeltaBOTT]

Thanks. Original therapist sis.

[@JonathanBarker-yu3oo]

Your beautiful and have an angel voice you just didn't notice

[@moderngoblin]

It seems that there is an epidemic of mental illness, and it seems like almost all of it is attributed to bad parenting. Should we rethink allowing parents to raise their own children? They seem to be allowed to with no training or capabilities to do so at all. Do we need to require a breeding liscense like we do a marriage license, and require oversight and surveillance of parents to stop enabling them to abuse children will full protection of privacy? How do we solve the root of these problems instead of trying to patch people up and give them the fourth grade lessons they didn’t get then at age 20-40?

[@anuruksuriyaarachchi3988]

Honestly, Emotional neglect happened to me the most in the school and in the general society. God himself was the one that threatened the life of mine and my family while I was also bullied severely in school(assaults, forced contacting me with another scary faced person who spits on his skin even though I'd OCD). Also, when I meet new friends, I feel like I don't deserve that friendship even though I'm alone cause I'm not doing what a friend is supposed to do. I don't like to go outside, I find the online classes as much as possible and avoid taking showers too because I feel not motivated to do so. I'm honestly lonely want friends, although I'm not sure I feel like I'm selfish and don't deserve that friendship. So, I really can't say which side of the coin makes me feel unseen. Honestly, that activity is a something new to me and something I should try doing. Although, sometimes, I've unconsciously done that without that obvious way. I've found out the reasons why others would hate me even though I've justified myself that's not something which deserves hate. (Ex:- Watching splatter horror movies to get rid from the torment of constant nightmares even though others expect empathy for an accident, walking away from religion to avoid triggers of trauma although some highly keep their faith and totally submit themselves whatever the deity). In this case, I'm kinda helpless and wonder how to continue the activity you said but thanks for noticing it specifically because I didn't specifically think of it as an activity. I've certain likes like learning some more maths subjects and facing those exams even though I'm following a computer engineering course where the must should be thinking of doing an invention or something. So, I really need to love what I should love without wasting time on other things even though I don't. When you said about the difference between thoughts and facts I got realize that I still have haunting leftover effects of OCD or whatever. I think I'm already a doomed person and the thoughts kinda confirm that to me and I think I really need help to invalidate those thoughts in my own mind. Although, I haven't met anyone who likes my interests recently and lost in contact of sharing my thoughts. I'm pretty lonely now and even doubt whether I've likeable topics to talk which aren't gross. I'm filled with grudges, religious trauma, atheism, horror and stuff like that. Anyway.... Thank you for this video!

[@yackemflabber54]

everyone always forgets about me

[@marinakiell1069]

But what if you’re getting praise from your relative who you feel doesn’t deserve it because it reminds you too much of the praise you never got for a milestone that you had? It can cause so much resentment because you wished they praised u for that specific time in your life.

[@MagnumInnominandum]

Or you can rebel early and dislike and distrust anyone that has even the appearance of authority. Being invisible can be perfected, cherished, utilized with all attention from "them" being perceived as negative. A spy, a soldier, saboteur at war with the absurd.

[@simplypositiveme]

I wasn't 😢

[@Milioem]

I don’t have any friends.

[@alphadog3384]

Your okay!

[@shalight5623]

Yeah my family has such a negative view on me thanks to my mom so i gave up a few years back and just try to focus on myself despite feeling the way you describe specially since my feelings are always invalidated

[@eugenekrabs3837]

It's not that bad to be unseen it's actually relaxing and can bring a different type of comfort the issue is the development of the ability to express yourself when needed but that's something that can be developed later on and you did say something strange you said you don't need to earn care that you should receive it without earning it are you saying we deserve care rather than having to earn it? Because if you haven't earned care as an adult then you don't get care of any kind if you're a child then yes you're owed love and care because you didn't ask to be born however as an adult we must earn care we're not owed anything if we didn't put the work into getting it we gotta work to keep it and get it maybe I misunderstood what you meant but that's my interpretation of what you said

[@Itzzzz.portiaaaa]

This made me realise a lot of things about my habits 💀

[@zsu6887]

Could be that school envirement can have the same damage as it would happen in the family. At the time in school we got a lot of teachers how got favorite children in the class. I (and it figured out that a lot of other classmates too) stugled to get attention but on the other hand there were the favourites how don't realy had to try.

[@indridcold8433]

Nobody needs friends, a mate, nor to be part of a social herd. It is all nothing but preference. There is no biological imparative for humans to heard up in clusters, nor to be social This video speaks of feeling invisible to be a bad thing. It is a blessing for me. I have had no friends, no girlfriend, no enemies, no acquaintances, no liars, fakes, users, in my life for decades. It really is as if I am invisible. After I moved to where I live, I did not bother to get to know anybody, to talk to anybody, to make friends. I even found a job where I work completely alone. I go weeks without seeing humans nor speaking. But, the invisibility goes even further. I dress extremely bland. I never wear any clothing with graphics or lettering of any kind. I only have clothing with solid dark colours. This dark, bland, look makes me a, background figure that nobody notices. I can go anywhere. If it says, "authorised personnel only," I still go in. Nobody even seems to notice me. If I want o play in a creek, I will do it, although I am adult. Once, I had a paint explosion. I went to the closest water, a beautiful lake. I washed my face, my arms, my legs, then changed clothing, right there by the lake. Nobody even noticed I was naked a few minutes. Invisibility is great! It is my super power!

[@BEACHDUDE71]

I don't want to be seen now in my adult life 😂😂😂

[@SJ-ug9sp]

❤

[@LouiesLog]

Maybe because the professionals that pretend to care talk shit about us behind our backs

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

First

[@Katimorton]

Woot woot!! xoxo