How to deal with Extreme Loneliness | ep.198

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:56 Q2 - 11:24 Q3 - 21:47 Q4 - 26:26 Q5 - 28:31 Q6 - 34:43 Q7 - 39:29

[@CodeDusq1]

I’ve been trying to combat my loneliness by going out and engage in hobbies and to seek out new friendships with new people but what keeps holding me back is my social anxiety as many times when I talk to someone I become socially awkward due to my lack of social skills hence why I have a lot of difficulty in connecting with people.

[@0xymor3]

👋Hello there, as I have social anxiety myself I researched ressources online and found a channel from another therapist on this subject, (I hope it's ok with Kati for me to share here) it's Thomas Smithyman. See if that might help you and remember if you say "skill" we can still learn it ! 🤓

[@saratf]

Right? Therapist says I should “go out more” but I look at someone and have no idea what to say.

[@Xscape128]

Same. It's like I wrote this word for word

[@creamdonut1192]

Don’t go to therapy

[@peregrine_crescent]

I feel u, bro. Its the same for me... 😢

[@christinecamley]

Loneliness feels like it can be lethal. I don’t mean I’m at risk. I just mean it can take such a profound toll that life loses all meaning. The darkness becomes profoundly harmful. Loss is the same. I’ve had too much. There are many types of loss. Terrific video Kati. I feel marked to be alone after a divorce. I was deceived for 20 years and wow am I humiliated. I apologize for sounding so dark. Peace.

[@Lilybet1316]

I feel for you. My marriage was 10 years and right before Christmas two long term affairs were discovered. My loneliness comes from not knowing how to be in a life I don’t even recognize. My friends and family are supportive but I honestly still feel in shock. Do you feel like loneliness was dropped over you like a heavy blanket? It’s hard to describe but it’s like I was myself one day and this came out of nowhere and I feel trapped. And you’re right it’s a dark feeling and does make me question if I am going to now be permanently alone? I know I’m just some stranger but I’ll be keeping a good thought for you. 💜

[@janicesteinhardt3190]

My heart goes out to you your message sounded a lot less dark than mine LOL I relate to everything you said

[@christinecamley]

@@janicesteinhardt3190 💕

[@startingoverafterforty]

Loneliness is the worse and most physical pain I have ever felt. It cuts deep in your soul and robs you of all your energy and motivation.

[@trish87563]

This hits hard. I have no real family, as I've had to distance myself due to their emotionally abusive behavior they refuse to change. I'm 43 and have no husband and no kids, and I have only ever had one relationship, which ended quickly when the guy took his own life, I'm in grad school in a suburban/single family area that's not really conducive to meeting other singles, and I'm often too exhausted to go out and meet others after long days with school (besides the fact that I'm in school and am effectively poor), and my old friends from where I lived before grad school have drifted and I'm sick of reaching out to make contact and getting nothing. I try to go do things with others, but no one really seems interested in being friends because they're all so busy and have their friends already--or they just want surface-level conversation and my attempts to go deeper fizzle quickly. If only meeting friends weren't so darned hard at this age. And WOW, can the loneliness hurt and almost knock the wind out of me. I've been through a few years of therapy and my therapist says I'm not depressed anymore. I love myself, and everyone tells me I'm wonderful, but no one seems to want to connect. And the kicker is that, because of therapy, I've had a deepening desire for marriage and family, and the dating scene right now is horrible. So where exactly is one supposed to find friends and connection?

[@Skyblue-oi5is]

I too can relate to this. I have no family. I am an only one and have no children. I have friends but somehow it’s not the same

[@cathychase663]

You are not alone in this feeling. I try hard to reach out - no one reaches back, so it makes me retract. (and self isolate)

[@ehmzlyn25]

​@@FlaminHellYou are not alone, sis. God is with you and He sees your situation. I hope you are doing well now.

[@shaun-annbristol1459]

I have kids and alot of sisters on the other side of the country but it's not the same as adult friends...your age. It's different. The comradery and the bond of sharing similar influences in your youth or one dealing with similar physical changes as you age...it's all so unique and very difficult to transgress on your own, solely and solemnly finding refuge through internet articles and podcasts telling you that others have felt the same things. Social interaction between others are needed...its in our design. How did we get to this place of so much advancement in knowledge and care to the psyche yet abandon our primitive nature of basic social and personal interaction?

[@stayseyliuu6293]

I can relate. I'm 43, had friends, had a socjal life, had relationships, but people move on and don't reach out... we all need an outlet, to talk things out helps... I'm open to talk to anyone including you if you want someone to talk to. You are my people.

[@WhyisthereAir...]

One of the things that I believe isolates me is that a few of my loved ones want me to "fix" myself. They would rather not know what's going on--they just want me take myself off to someone--anyone else and come back when I'm "better." Ugh.

[@markcollins1012]

I wish I had more friends who talk about emotions as much as you do.

[@creamdonut1192]

Do not go to therapy

[@konda546]

so do I

[@nia.gregory]

Authenticity is so important in creating bonds with others. Being vulnerable.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

Thanks again Kati. For me, "groups of friends" was never the cure for loneliness. I always felt a bit more disconnected in a group. I believe for some of us, having a meaningful interaction with one person can make us feel the connection from the heart that we so need.

[@oldchannel2015]

💞

[@alnann1132]

Used to but now she left me and i feel so extremely lonely i don't know what to do or even feel anything

[@gabriellemorellisinger1608]

I’m 56 and still can’t express my feelings to my family! I constantly get “ I’m to sensitive or overreacting “, no matter what I have no support it is AWEFUL!

[@raymondkravitz2001]

I worry that the lack of support is a generational thing. I eventually cut off my entire boomer family because they didn't really express support well or at all. I was born to older parents. I keep thinking that if I was born to younger parents, I'd feel more seen and supported.

[@oldchannel2015]

💞

[@imaginepeace7588]

😢 same 😢💔❤️‍🩹☮️

[@ADSCoachSimonB2112]

My Loneliness is normally at night, and I could be reading or Journal writing, or actually writing chapters and will have this wave of intense sensation and sadness. It lasts for an hour at most. I been told to get a pet mini dog but I live in an apartment complex so no pets. I know mine is friendship and companionship. I basically don’t have any friends other than family members or clients (who I see enough weekly) I will try to RTN to the gym with PT and then go back to martial arts school

[@makiapersons7072]

I normally don’t comment on KZbin, but I HAVE to thank you for your advice about how to communicate during conflict. I immediately reached out to my cousin to communicate and I’m looking forward to the future of things! Thanks so much!

[@jenniferfinck3673]

Thank you, Kati, for speaking about loneliness. I definitely relate. My situation feels kind of overwhelming. I’m in a situation where my boyfriend passed (who I lived with for 25 years) away, I’m currently living with my parents, who are both very narcissistic and who I had gone no contact with for many of those years; when I moved in with my parents they forced me to give up my ferrets; I had to move to a very different part of NY, so I pretty much lost most of my friends and people I saw in a regular basis. I’m quite lost. I’ve been working very hard on trying to start over completely. My boyfriend and I never had children; I was much younger than him and even though he always told me he wanted children “with someone he loved” it turned out that he also was a narcissist and really didn’t. I adored him, and didn’t want to leave him, but wasn’t happy. It also shamefully took me about 22 years to figure out that he was a narcissist. It was all so hard. I’m fairly new to your videos & am finding them helpful, so I just thought I’d say a quick hello and say thank you very much for what you do. - Jennifer

[@oldchannel2015]

💞

[@janicesteinhardt3190]

my heart goes out to you and don't say shamelessly that it took you that long it took me a long time to there's no shame a narcissistic abuse you didn't see that he was a narcissist because he loved you first because you were caring person you believe that that person was still in there

[@auldjaded]

"I've been passing time watching trains go by All of my life Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly Wishing there would be Someone waiting home for me... All of my life Looking back as lovers go walking past All of my life Wondering how they met And what makes it last" The lyric captures lonely longing quite well. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Lots of people around in life. But never finding the connection, and the clock keeps ticking.

[@kelseymathias3881]

same

[@oldchannel2015]

💞

[@janicesteinhardt3190]

Wow what a great post it does capture it well I have said for many years that I have my my nose pressed at the window of life watching others live and enjoy

[@imaginepeace7588]

@@janicesteinhardt3190 I am so sorry 😢 I feel the same way. No life. I don’t feel human anymore. For years. Abandoned when I got so sick I couldn’t go anywhere. Emotionally Abused behind closed doors by my husband. Suicidal loneliness! 😢💔☮️

[@TheNifster]

Married 25+ years, white collar professional with three adult kids now. I have never felt more lonely than the last two years. I try to stay busy, picking up new hobbies, but after a while will run out of things to do and then go into a depression for a while. I pull myself out. I just seriously worry one day I won't be able to do that. I do not have a connection with anyone anymore.

[@bluered5527]

Husband?

[@TheNifster]

@@bluered5527 Yes.

[@PaulaRyan-cg7zh]

I wish we could connect somehow; this is exactly my story and I know we could support each other. Blessings to us both in overcoming the grief and loss and finding joy.

[@Peaceinmytime]

My abandonment stems from both parents actually telling me that they weren’t interested in any of my school events/activities because they had already done things with my 2 older siblings, and that was all they were going to do. I could only do things if it was convenient for them. “Showing up” from them wasn’t, even a thing back in the 70’s.

[@TheAlixour]

Lost in Translation - I feel I've been on this island and in some way learned to lean on its existence in my being. (It's safe, you know? I can't hurt others or be hurt.) Thanks for the first pod of 2024!

[@pennyc7064]

Good points Katie! I moved around a lot as a child...loosing a best friend due to the move and then in the new place I moved to, a good friend moved away. I was so sad.

[@shizukarisu]

I relate to the not feeling understood because I don’t share enough about myself…. I am open with my partner that way, but no one else, and it’s hard. I’ve always struggled with feeling misunderstood. But what’s worse, is I often feel like my feelings aren’t as important as others. Because I grew up in a silent household, my feelings, or anyone’s, weren’t heard. I love hearing other people’s feelings, but I deeply struggle with understanding that my feelings matter back to anyone. Even if others listen, I don’t trust that it resonates with them and matters as much as their feelings do to me. 😞 It sucks, because I know there are other deep feelers out there, it’s just hard to trust.

[@user-kw5ze5ky5q]

My answer to the title of this video is yes, 100%. By my older brother, I was bullied and ridiculed well into my teens and still comes out now and then. My skinny appearance, my overbite(got braces and now I’m damn sexy lolol)my social awkwardness, the way I walk and talk, what and how I eat food, my relationships, my life choices, my opinions, my personality, my tendency to be sensitive and emotional which isn’t the “tough guy” stereotype which he very much embraces. I’m very different than him since our family has always been very disconnected, and he isn’t a person that seems accepting of different people. The bullies at school I barely remember. Through some life changes and the bullying tone coming out from him last summer, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was bullied by him and am still affected by it. It’s not an easy thing since I’ve always viewed childhood as being normal and happy. Also a father who was there but as distant as a father could be, and a mother who brushed it off as “he was just pickin on you, that’s what big brothers do. She said this less than 6 months ago but is supportive now after I told her it 100% happened and affected me and I won’t hear the “it wasn’t that bad, you’re overreacting” comments. anymore. A friend or family member that thinks that thinks I’m overreacting, I wouldn’t wanna talk to, and there are a lot of them that I know would say that, my ex wife sure has and her advise was “f*ck him, cut him off and move on like I did with my sister”. That’s not gonna work. Thank you Kati

[@bumble8588]

Kati you inspire me so much with your wisdome, insights, authenticity, and love. I love your channel and always pick up great tips. I'd like to share some tips I've learned too overcoming my people pleasing tendencies in a relationship. It's a cycle of maturity, understanding and compassion for self and others. A "loving meditation" is another way to help ones self get centered and build understanding, love and compassion before taking on confrontation of a bully or challenging person. 1. Trust your intuition, your feelings matter, do not betray yourself. Your spirit reacts uniquely - own it, its true for you 2. Be clear of what you think is the truth in the situation; often its two contributing toward the issue. Own what you should. 3. Never betray yourself by staying silent, address it. The secret is in how to do that with grace and in a respectful manner. 4. Enter a conversation with another, knowing what you want to share but not leading with it. You have matured with recent learning, Listen to what they say in the conversation before you delve into your issues with them. 5. You may or may not need to address it bluntly with them, but do not continue to people please and be insincere in your comments. Be true to yourself and your feelings. That shift in you is what will begin to shift the relationship slowly but surely to where it needs to be. 6. Pray for the other person, they don't intent to hurt others but their behavior is often from their brokenness and hurt to protect themselves. 7. Good luck.

[@Batmanzach]

Hi Kati,I’m a person on the autism spectrum I have had a lot of loss with parents and a grandmother and other people.friends or family I also do therapy…and it really helps me a lot…I see my therapist every week.and she’s a great help and I watch some of your videos when the days I don’t have therapy.didn’t really have the best as a kid with my parents I was not close with my mom and I was close with my dad but at the last year of his life I was and he passed away from a massive heart attack….mom had copd she was a big cigarette smoker in my opinion I think she had mental health issues but didn’t want to attempt to get help and she didn’t not believe in therapy in other words she was old school….thank you for the videos I really enjoy them and it inspires me everyday and try to help myself when I can Thanks :) Zach

[@hmmcinerney]

❤️😊

[@james22939]

Your the best person ever on the planet thanks for being my friend and saving my life

[@Betterhose]

27:43 Interesting. I have a tendency to get a depressive episode in late summer. It always feels like I should be out in the world, going on vacation and generally enjoy life like everybody else does. And when I don't do these things I feel like something is wrong with me. I guess you could say that my joylessness is more pronounced during the summertime. Another reason is that most schools and colleges go into a long summer break. Having structure in my day really helps with my mental wellbeing. I need a reason to wake up early and I need to keep my mind occupied with something thoughout the day or I start ruminating. Lastly, people in your social circle go on vacation and you might feel lonelier than at other times of the year.

[@scorpiondime07]

ive been trying to understand my loneliness majority of my life. its deeply confusing. i feel alone in every situation, whether im surronded by people or by myself or just me and my dog. that lonely feeling never goes away. its strange for me because even having a connection with people including my therapist i start to feel more lonely.

[@AnsLgt]

I definitely need new friends. I made the mistake of opening up and being vulnerable with someone I considered to be my best friend and she invalidated my experience very dismissively. It opened up my own eyes though, making me wonder how many times I may have done that to someone else without realizing. I don't ever want to make someone else feel the way she made me feel. The friendship we'd built was so instantaneously ruined. I will never feel comfortable opening up to her again but this also makes it hard for me to open up to anyone. Like I'll break the illusion that the friendship I have with a person is great because I'll be vulnerable and they'll show me they don't acknowledge it.

[@marinakiell1069]

I’m currently listening to your first book “Are u ok”

[@Hispanicwoman]

Not only do I feel different from others, but also feel like I'm on a different planet altogether lol. Always have, hopefully I will not always feel that way, though.

[@ed7519]

Keep trying. 🫂

[@Hispanicwoman]

@@ed7519 Thank you 🙏🏼

[@syzygy4365]

My poor babies. Sometimes I get so swept up in my emotions that I'm not doing my best. I know I'm trying, and there's so many tips you've mentioned that I can implement.

[@PhoenixtheII]

I gave up on humans, I find pets far more honest and more kind. I always connected better with non-human animals, since a kid.

[@oldchannel2015]

💞

[@EB-gt1pq]

Same!

[@liltownfilms]

I found you today and I'm in love with your channel. Thank you.

[@chriswright7259]

As an asocial isolationist, I find it difficult to even recognize (or maybe even experience) loneliness.

[@Hispanicwoman]

Thanks for the post. It's been nice hearing how to deal with things, from a different perspective.

[@John26767]

Kati I feel it's really important to get the Spiritual growth/psychological stages correct. The more clued up parents and health professionals are regarding key stages of growth, the more clued up they are in spotting areas of concern and nipping it in the bud. Educating parents also not only gives them foresight, but also hopefully educates them on what their input and influence should look like in achieving those milestones and also achieving them on time. The infant and maternal bonding is fundamentally sharing and reciprocating the love to the point it all becomes second nature, from those special joyous moments/interactions to re-balancing all the negative experiences and taking care of all dependency needs in a timely manner. This results in a child stable and secure within themselves, knowing if mum doesn't recognise their care needs they only have to reach out through whatever means of gaining attention that works for them. It's also a very key stage in mum and child becoming attuned to each other. Amongst all of those interactions will be the learning of elemental facial/social cues etc. all done from a foundation of love (trauma free-no second thinking). Even when patience is stretched mum will always re-assure and the child quickly learns it is loved unconditionally and perhaps just how far they can push that patience, in effect possibly the foundation to also understanding how their behaviour can impede on others. I personally believe this becomes engrained in the sub-conscious and is the foundation to one's stability and security moving forward. Interactions/maternal bonding should be natural and free flowing, if not perhaps something is off... Toddler stage is obviously a stage where they can start to actively explore without the shackles that held them back before. New opportunities for exploration on a developing mind must be like being in a sweet shop spoilt for choice. The more self-assured they are perhaps the more active they will be in those explorations. Perhaps a nightmare for all manner of care givers, but unless we explore how do we learn and grow when we are unable to process and understand information verbally given to us. Obviously supervision and safety are key here until they can keep themselves free from danger (hear sources etc). As they learn and are given recognition and validation of those early successes their confidence grows which transcends into all areas of growth at that age including speech and articulating themselves at a really elemental level. This is possibly the early foundation to "self" as they consciously explore and learn about the World they live in and where they fit into that World. I could go on, but this post is already quite lengthy and I would imagine for the most part feels like learning to suck eggs from a parents point of view... PS: Before a child can articulate itself it needs to have a understanding of what it is feeling, and if it's never felt love/acceptance etc. and/or has only ever seen an emotionless face etc. it is really going to struggle in this area (I have mentioned a possible outcome to autism before). This really highlights the need for healthy maternal bonding so that the child not only has the confidence to voice those first words, but can also relate emotionally to what it is feeling to the point it can start trying to put those emotions into words. Again I am not a health professional etc. but again hopefully you can see the logic in what I have written here...

[@TiffanyHaycraft-d6g]

I have just realized my loneliness comes from a lack of parenting. I came from a negative home, and I still catch myself wanting the attention of a parent. Guidance and love of a parent and that's hard that hurts. I'm in my 40s. I have a 22 yr old daughter, and it has been very hard and struggling throughout all my life. I have no trust pretty much in anybody. I am seeking counseling and I have a priest who has been helping me tremendously as well. Going through all these emotions and this healing has been rewarding, but at the same time, it is still hard. All the fall backs and not wanting to live my childhood again, because I just don't want to face some of the trauma I don't even remember that I went through, but I know I need to so I can be healed. God bless 🙏

[@frankbelin1590]

I'm not the way I want to be, probably mostly because of ASD, sometimes even feel unacceptable. I hate my social deficits, a constant struggle between me very much feeling the need for a social life but feeling so socially awkward that I would rather avoid it. I have no friends. I am married, I am her caregiver 24/7 at home and that seems to be the only thing that is left of our relationship. The only people we see are doctors, nurses, cleaning aid,... As a caregiver, I can never leave her for long, so I can't even go to the places I would like to. But, I don't even know if I'm worth it anymore, I never know what to talk about, I'm probably the most boring person in the world. I don't really have a live to talk about, every day is the same, nothing interesting or just complaints nobody wants to hear about. Sometimes I stop my accounts on all social media, because I feel like I don't fit anywhere and even feel like it's better for everyone that I'm not there...

[@rta9616]

No.ooooooooooo. PLZ MAKE LONGER CONTENT. Love you Kati

[@shore5307]

I'm literally tweaking over the quotation, "thoughts and feelings are not facts" and "if you have a thought or feeling multiple times, that does not make it a fact" That is book title worthy, because it makes us reconsider our entire way that we perceive our thoughts and feelings in a metacognitive way. I'm so serious. Definitely put that plastered somewhere

[@SharonVise]

I'm going to a counselor because I tried making friends and every one leaves me, so I came to realize I need help, so far help hasn't helped cause I have been getting the wrong treatment cause all the counselors do is put me on medication and don't listen to me. I had 3 that tried to commit me, which just made me feel worse and reminded me of what my parents tried to do to do rather than admitting they caused a lot of my negative problems. 😢😢

[@LaceeAurielle]

😊😍Thanks!

[@Katimorton]

You're welcome 😊

[@TheAlixour]

"Children need to know it's not their fault." 😢

[@raymondkravitz2001]

Yes. Absolutely. And parents need to understand that having a kid doesn't automatically make you a martyr, a better person, or someone worth looking up to just because "I'm a parent, they're my kid, I can do whatever the fuck I want." No. A parent's job is to guide and protect their kid. It's not about them. It's about their kid.

[@bluefirekin-aria]

Thank you Kati for another wonderfully informative podcast. This is not on topic, but your brows look amazing!!!

[@muzerhythm2242]

The loneliness I'm feeling now is something to do with my age...is that I'm not in the young group of 20 or 30 somethings and when I go to activities or volunteer and do meet some interesting people (of various ages) with some common interests and I say "Let get together and go on a hike, ect." They ALWAYS say "I can't I have kids". I say they can bring rhe kids, but they just continue that they can't. I just don't know how to deal with this trying to meet new people since I don't have children (medical reasons), and this is what I keep running into.😔

[@EB-gt1pq]

Well, I think you’re in luck because more and more people don’t have children

[@JaneSmith-x4x]

Thanks for your time Kati😊

[@Nancy-cm1rh]

Thank you Katie. I soooo like u. U, understand. U, r real..... I've learned things from u...... Ty🎉

[@elizabethbed649]

Happy New Year to you too and to everyone in this community 🎉

[@doctorartphd6463]

Thank you..... May your New Year be filled with good health, happiness, and enlightenment.

[@campahl17]

I was seeking counseling, and of course, it's so much money, and then they make you wait weeks for an appointment. I am so discouraged, and then it created more lonely. Because now I'm more lost and I don't know what to do. Counseling and therapy are supposed to help and not cause people more stress because it costs so much!

[@hamkhat]

Very useful as always. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@mariedegrace4900]

Your videos are always so helpful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge 💛🧡❤

[@WhyisthereAir...]

Thank you so much! You are so perceptive!

[@SpeedFocus]

When people are more of a problem to be around than loneliness is the only option 😊

[@Oaktwn16]

Is hard to connect with people and as you get older it becomes even harder 😢

[@courtnayglatter7138]

I really need to hear this. Thank you. ♥

[@marinakiell1069]

I know I’m busy in your comments asking age ranges for reparenting and inner child work. I think to encompass it all you should also start talking to those of us who are still living at home who won’t/haven’t flown the coop.

[@doctorartphd6463]

My family are all gone. I live in the middle of the Rockies..... and am not interested in making friends, but I know I need a good friend or two. I have endure childhood neglect and severe physical / mental abuse as a child as well. I guess I live like a hermit. Don't feel lonely... I just like being alone. Maybe I just got used to not going out my way for making friends. I'll help a stranger, but maintaining relationships seems difficult for me, now in my late 60's. Am I just set in my ways, or is this a result of something else ?

[@StefanieRosti]

So much of this resonates with me. I have learned so much from all of your content. Both my son (12 years old) and I have anxiety and depression and receive therapy. He is currently in a school refusal loop, and it is impacting our family. Do you have any advice for breaking an avoidance pattern? Thanks so much, Kati! Have a great day!

[@donnaechlin5550]

Thanks Katie soo helpful!

[@saizignasa2024]

11:26 How to be positive that there are people when in reality there's not even one person who would be there for you? Who loves you and who cares for you..

[@cassianarusu9835]

hey Kati ❤ Love your new format of AKA!

[@patrycjabiskup9616]

Happy New Year ❤🎉 1st comment, yeah! I appreciate the topic so much. I have always felt lonely. I don't want to medicate this feeling, spent enough years.

[@vero8496]

I was a single mom and the father of my 2 kids was always talking bad about me to them. Ironically my kids to satisfy him were so challenging and oppositional. Now that lm in my 60s they don't call or hardly ever answer my calls. Today is Mother's Day and l know lm not going to see them and they will probably call late tonight. I have decided not to celebrate any more holidays and their birthdays. I always celebrated their birthdays and holidays and tried to make it special 4 them. I think is better this way for my own sanity. I'm just going to work on a new me and forget that l have a past. Welcome my new life.

[@MHobbs43]

I feel so lonely after going to church. I go with my housemate sometimes and then I feel like I belong, but women in the church look at me sideways. I need my people that beat their own drum and love it.

[@Nancy-cm1rh]

Oh yes, yes, I wasn't able to talk to my parents. We were sooooo scared of them!!!!. Wow.....

[@jeff_wolf2846]

When you say "lonely", its a FEELING, you could be around tons of friends and still feel lonely. When you're alone, its when you actually have no one around

[@katherinemnusa]

I’m lonely because I do not have a supportive family, they do not get it…I try to share information that describes what I am feeling…they don’t want to hear from me about me…they say quit living in the past…I hurt easily and sometimes the pain is years ago. Totally confused…my sister called me a Hateful Bitch…and my spouse does not stick up for me…he said What Did you call her…I didn’t call her a name!

[@CammieHupp-f9s]

Thank you

[@scottdecarlo815]

Katie, my winter term class is psychological tests and measurements. It preps us for administering and interpreting the MBTI. The reading plus your podcast today brought a question to mind. How do conditions such as ADHD, depression, anxiety…etc affect personality types? Are the types amplified? Are the types blunted? Is it a case of, it depends? I don’t expect you to answer my questions in depth but do you know if studies have been done on the effects of mental health on personality types? Scott.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Looking for timestamps 😊

[@HopeMichelle.YouTube]

Is loneliness sometimes fairy tale expectations and you just wish for too much?

[@janicesteinhardt3190]

Lonely this is hard to combat when you have chronic health issues there's no way to partake in anything on any regular schedule because I can feel bad for any part of a day or I can feel good I never know how I'm going to feel I have Lyme disease among many other things only a handful of people have stuck by me when you have illnesses like this and autoimmune disorder and mold exposure just to name a few people don't believe you I just had another so-called friend tell me that my stuff is too much for her the strange thing is is that she has a lot of the same problems but she has a daughter and a husband to help her she actually has more things wrong with her and is less functional than I even am but my stuff is too much there is a bias in this country or in the world for people with autoimmune or viruses I don't see a way to end my loneliness I had to move to a place I know no one for my health because my doctor wanted me to get out of Florida all my family died last year what was what was left of them and yes I have depression but it's situational who wouldn't be depressed if you felt sick on and off all the time or you were alone for decades I don't think a magic pill is going to help that I also have medical PTSD I've already been in the hospital twice here no one understands no one cares and every time I try to let someone in they hurt me I have good doctors and I work hard to try to get any quality out of life that I can but I don't see a way to battle my loneliness besides having a dog I also have a golf cart and I ride around my little town up here in the country and I see people living their lives and only makes my loneliness worse but I do it anyway to get out in the world chances are even if they invited me I couldn't go sorry for the rant

[@Hispanicwoman]

I'm 43 years old, and my mother still chastises me as though I'm a child, each time mistakes have been made, or just having a bad day trying to keep quiet & to myself. She becomes very angry and bombards with a barrage of texts while I'm at work and tells me I'm wrong for feeling upset about certain things. She doesn't like it when I express myself and the fact that I'm just different from everyone in the family (don't have children, or been married like every other woman in the family), and mentions often that her and I are "so different from each other." On the other hand, she constantly vents about the things that bother her, she tells me more things about what is going on with her than she talks to my siblings. The only advice I know of from others, is to 'put up' with it all bc I will not have my parents forever. One should not live in unhappiness and depression just to please others? I almost feel I'm not 'allowed' to be myself or do what makes me happy.

[@malkaz9167]

You should be yourself. You might have to put up with your mother but you should also let her know your boundaries. Let her know how you feel even though she might not show empathy and compassion. Don’t envy those who have a spouse and children. It’s common for people to feel the way you do even though they are married with children. All you need is one good friend who understands you. You really deserve that. Best to you.

[@katherinemnusa]

YES about correcting someone….they look down on me?

[@Nancy-cm1rh]

What makes me sooooo darn lonelyness. I can't talk to people! Yes,, companionship would b nice. If,,,, u don't get hurt. ( Nice - people.) I don't know !!!!?? How do you find okay people to be around....... Oh, rm Matt . Good one Katie...... I'm lost with this!!!!. I'm sooo broken. Blessings, always..... I'm so tired of the complaints. Some people think I'm okay, but, I'm not.....😮😭

[@paulcain5350]

I Am Disabled And Rcovering From Pelvic Fracture,I Had To Leave My Job.I Am Isolated Scared And Have No Furniture Or Cooker. I Am Isolated With No One To Turn To Every Minute Is Distress.

[@nayaleezy]

Is LMFT short for Licensed MoFo Therapist because that'd be dope ✌️

[@Ivonne-bg9mm]

Im so lonely I live by myself no husband I got so sad that I started to give away all my furniture to neighbors even my bedroom set just to have some people to talk but then they don't care about me

[@Una-g2r]

Mine comes from my childhood. My father travelled frequently for work, my siblings then moved for university. Around the ssme time i became estranged from cousins i was close to. Someone I've felt attached to is moving from my hometown even though I'm in a different country. Somehow this all triggered me to an overwhelming degree. I feel like I'll never see them and once again I'm alone. I dont feel that connected to friends. Please tell me how i can fix this. I know where it comes from but don't know how to heal from this.

[@SpamHater-b2s]

Kati, how to deal with a skin hunger when you don't have a partner (nor you want one) or family?

[@EB-gt1pq]

Pets. They need us and we need them.

[@SpamHater-b2s]

@@EB-gt1pq I do have a dog, unfortunately it still doesn’t work that well.

[@EB-gt1pq]

@@SpamHater-b2s have you tried volunteering at a nursing home? I used to work at one and believe me the elderly are starving for physical touch.

[@EB-gt1pq]

@@SpamHater-b2s also, I don’t know if you like children but they’re always willing to give hugs ..perhaps you can volunteer or babysit once in a blue moon. Trust me, parents are desperate for babysitters lol.

[@ryanmichaud2363]

I’m so lonely 😢

[@Tessa_Wolf_]

I’ve only ever been lonely.

[@oldchannel2015]

❤

[@joanryan2242]

I feel lonely because I was hurt by my daughter in law for something trivial ...a misunderstanding. Ive always been ther for her and my grandchildren.She made an issue of something and didnt apologise. Im just leaving things . I have stomach problems because of it. What do i do ? Please help.❤

[@EB-gt1pq]

Oh, I’m so sorry. I get excruciating stomach pains during stress or anxiety. Please exercise and eat healthy. Meditate daily, pray…

[@raymondkravitz2001]

I was only rewarded when I was "happy". My parents would often describe me as a "happy child". Once I started dealing with at the time undiagnosed and unnoticed molestation by my brother and his best friend, in addition to an uncle physically abusing me, they started to pathologize and dump me on mental health people instead of FUCKING DOING THEIR PARENTING JOBS AND HELPING ME FEEL SAFE WITH A MOLESTER IN THEIR OWN FUCKING HOUSE. I masked every angry, resentful thought and action until I couldn't, and that got pathologized instead of discussed, talked about, and dealt with by loving, supportive family members. I hated going to family functions. I hate the idea of being around people in a mandatory fashion to the abuse, neglect, and just plain hollowness of it all. I had to deal with being misdiagnosed, laughed at by CPS once I finally did report it. I was constantly told to grow a thicker skin, grow up, etc etc. I fucking hate my family. I've gone no contact and given up on obtaining money in different wills. I can't relate to people. I feel resentful all the time. Angry all the time. Unlovable all the time.

[@rhonmc2782]

I had to stop halfway into loneliness. All youtube talks speak to those who have time om their side. Loneliness because of change? What about when you're old and no time left for change. Life has already beaten you. No time left living in this black void cut off from ALL human contact. If i was a dog, you wouldn't hestiate to take me to the vet to be put down to end my suffering. Why should we be forced to live in such suffering. Why can't we have assisted dying to leave this world in peace. Why are we FORCED to suffer like this. It is inhumane and cruel. No matter how bad things get, if you haven't entered old age yet, you always have a possibility of finding a way to make life bearable because you have TIME. When you are out of time and the first thought when you wake up is "ohh another day i have to suffer through and not a single thing in it to look forward to let alone smile about. Us oldies truly are the Walking Dead.

[@IlzeJansenVanRensburg]

Only a relationship with God our Father, through Jesus Christ, can make us really free and fulfilled. I'm old too. 😊

[@mothercoyote351]

😊 New Year 🎊 Katie ❣️ How do u feel loneliness when ur really not alone at all?

[@Touay.]

I suspect i am lonely. I am autistic and alexithymic. I csnnot read the emotions of otthers, so even when i am around others, i get no 'feedback'. I have once in my life actually felt that someone is happy to see me. I am in therapy and hopefully, once i have sorted through some childhood trauma, maybe i can improve a little. I live in solitary confinement, even when i am around others.

[@thinkerythunker616]

My loneliness feels very specifically targeted as a craving for an emotional connection with a woman. But I do not want to be in a relationship right now, so I am looking for a friendship. And this feels like it's more difficult than trying to actually date. Girls can't stand to be friends with a guy, apparently. This is a crippling reality for me.

[@verdeyazul23]

Girls can be friends with a guy, we just don't like those "friends" who are always flirty and trying to get more out of the friendship. Or at least this was my experience

[@SusieQ24664]

I feel lonely because in my family mental illnesses are taboo, you don't speak about it. In fact I am the crazy one, the ungrateful from being depressed and not being able to enjoy what God gave me.

[@I_am_addi]

Hi kati! I realize you have AKA however, i have a question that i need answered soon.I understand if you cannot answer however, i would love if you did! Heres the question: I recently went to my psychiatrist(who manages my ADHD medication).My psychiatrist does take weight at the office. I also recently started therapy(3rd appointment is on monday)My psychiatrist and therapist are at the same office. I ended up dropping almost 6 pounds in less than a month.This was unintentional although my appetite has been wacky lately.Now the question,in your experi3nce would my psychiatrist communicate the weight loss to my therapist?I would appreciate an answer by monday at 4:15!thank you so much! Some background information: I am in therapy for ADHD,anxiety,emotion regulation mainly. My eating habits aren'zt the best lately although i don't feel it is a mental thing Add on:If they dont communicate, should i mention this to my therapist? Edit:I just lost 2.5 more pounds in 13 days

[@kaleido9631]

My number 1 tip for loneliness is radical forgiveness. Once u let things go, you realize friends are everywhere.

[@EB-gt1pq]

Honestly… No, thank you. I’d rather not spend my time with people i constantly need to forgive.

[@Pixel-Vixn]

How do we get better at sharing about myselves when I feel completely uninteresting.

[@thatswhatisaidCA]

Hubby an I (60) have one adult daughter (28) who has turned Woke and it is a huge divide for her vs. us. We have decided we want to be in her life, so we're doing okay, but I am torn as she has taken a medical direction that has high failure and terrible side effects. Early on i decided she's an adult, her decisions are hers and her consequnces are also hers, and had to get "alright" if she actually ... passes away. As time is going by, my husband is wavering and now ... i don't know.

[@kendallbr9166]

What’s woke?

[@Ivonne-bg9mm]

I tried to be friends with my neighbors but they are not interested in being my friends no matter how much I do I help some of them but they don't care

[@kelseymathias3881]

sadly, that's the way it is almost everywhere now

[@mattesrocket]

Kati, can you tell me, why people like therapists on youtube or similar people, who start talking about loneliness, always quickly turn to the cases, where people feel lonely despite they have some frequent contacts, friends or relatives around them, like "how comes, you feel like not being understood by the others or feel lonely in the evening after you had some contact", and the talks about loneliness quickly turn also towards special settings like loneliness in combination with other mental problems or in very specific life situations, so everybody who talks about loneliness avoids talking about the pure loneliness, about people, who really have not a single friend or relative to talk with or could meet sometimes (except maybe toxic relatives or so, you only meet if necessary like once in a year but you anyway never could share personal things with). For example in your video here you talk in every chapter about relationships and effects at contacts with other people that leeds to the feeling of loneliness, but in no chapter you talk about real lonely people and the situations they go through then and what they feel. Because if you experience real loneliness without anybody for a longer time you feel other things and face other psychological struggles than the people who have some contatcts but feel despite lonely. (My therapists always played this down, that I have special, problematic feelings because of this situation, they were not willing to talk about it professionally, ...nor do I see anywere online a talk about it.) Why get the real lonely people with really no friends (even no superficial friends) always excluded in talks about loneliness? There are so many of them out there, often ill and unempolyed people (so even without colleagues), but not always only them, just anyway many. Hurts.

[@andredprz]

I don’t know where to find new friends

[@BEACHDUDE71]

I'm half dead inside

[@__-tz6xx]

I'm a Papa Murphy's New York style cheese pizza. You are what you eat, right?

[@BEACHDUDE71]

@@__-tz6xx Then I am pasta and energy drinks lol

[@EB-gt1pq]

@@BEACHDUDE71 please take care of yourself❤

[@BEACHDUDE71]

@@EB-gt1pqnext summer has to be better

[@gabriellemorellisinger1608]

I reached out to Better Help multiple times used your code and no response????

[@Woodman-Spare-that-tree]

It’s a con. Like Better Up.

[@LoudHadida]

I am alone. Loneliness comes and goes but I do have issues, one of them being abandonment, parents were fine but ya no real emotional bond because I had to pretend to be fine because my mother has been through so much..... I had a bit of an emotional breakdown hence my Dad is not speaking to me because you know my mother has been through so much.... I apologized for my behavior but it means nothing. I heard my Mom (who I thought ultimately had my back )talked nonsense about me absolute rubbish. I take them up on it and yeah I am the pig in the story. It s better to not have anyone then you can quietly slip off the radar. If someone wants to be part of my life they are welcome and make the effort. Years ago parents forgot to kill phone calls and I would here them talk about what a burden I am on them. I was living with them with my daughter because I had to run, due to the ex husband on a mission to kill me. I am not running after anyone anymore or feeling guilty for my Mother life hardships, or making sure everyone is feeling loved by me and happy. I have had many more hardships than my mother and done it alone. I had no choice because no one really cares anyway. (ADHD, Bi-polar, Psychosis and Severe Anxiety) Yip and I drive myself to hospital and back I arrange my meds I take care of myself, take care of my kid and all the life stuff that gets thrown your way. I am very tired and know I am alone. I just waiting on my kid to get independent then I can bow out.

[@JonathanBailey-ru7jc]

How do we seek healthy solitude without offending others (in autism/ADHD/neuro spicy)

[@joansmith525]

In my opinion, loneliness is blessing not a curse. Better to be lonely than being in a cult of personality. Cults are dangerous, it's better to accept your loneliness than to fight it.

[@Ivonne-bg9mm]

Maybe you are not human

[@joansmith525]

@Ivonne-bg9mm I am a human. I have been alone my whole life. I am used to loneliness.

[@kharyn21]

My father slapped me for crying when I was around 6yrs old. From that point on I would smile instead of cry.

[@EB-gt1pq]

😘 I’m with you