ROME TOTAL WAR Is a perfectly Balanced Strategy Game With No Exploits - But EVERYTHING IS BROKEN

[@giomorente9843]

Wardogs: Eager (spirits lifted by the general's encouragements) Quintus Julius: YOU ARE A GOOD BOY. YOU ARE A GOOD BOY. ALL OF YOU ARE GOOD BOYS

[@leomann22]

Brilliant. Should be a loading screen quote for Rome 3.

[@PAINNN666]

@@leomann22 for rome 1)

[@anmoldaglaik]

Lol

[@alfrede.neumann671]

Lol ... So Lol

[@gamiezion]

am i suposed to hear this in john olivers voice?

[@LordWyatt]

Barbarians: We got this- (Ball gets thrown over the wall) Barbarians: What the? Fetch it: (Thundering begins)

[@LordWyatt]

@@capybarawithanorangeonitsh4190 Thx😂👌

[@turtl3playz303]

You made me snort 😂

[@ohom1449]

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS..."

[@TricksterPoi]

After that the barbarians worship a certain god of hounds... For he always unleash the woof of doom.

[@LevCallahan]

I still play this on occasion. It really is charming. ANOTHER EXPLOIT: -Whenever a character dies in the game, there's always the option of loading a save and giving your character another go at surviving his chance of death by natural causes. You can continuously do this until the character reaches 128 years of age, and because Rome Total War is a 128 bit game, the developers tied the game's engine with a character's age. Given that the developers assumed that players would simply *allow* their characters to die at the very high chance between 60 and 70, they figured this wouldn't be a problem. But since the age is tied with 128 bits, once your character reaches that age, his next age will be 0 years old, thus starting his life over, yet *still having all the same traits and abilities he aquired from before* . This effectively makes your character immortal. I once did this with all my characters, and while it did prove difficult to consistently keep up with all the loads and saves, it was fun to watch all my characters never die.

[@gazzmilsom]

That's weird because RTW is 32bit. 128 would be the integer limit of 7 bits. maybe character age was a value stored in a single byte with one of the bits not used to store the age so only giving 7 bits for the age. it's cool you got an overflow

[@pocoloco8075]

With 128 bits You can represent a total number of 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,456 as this is 2 by the power of 128. As mentioned in Gareth Milsom's comment, You only need 7 bits to represent a total of 128.

[@LevCallahan]

@@pocoloco8075 ok. Still doesn't explain why the age resets at 128. Seems like something about Rome Total War is related to 128 bits. If it isn't, then the age thing is one of the biggest coincidences in the entire game.

[@pocoloco8075]

@@LevCallahan I assume there is some code part where they do something like this: if (leader.Age > 127) { leader.Age = 0; } Or there is just something like converting char Age to byte/unsigned char Age. This is, char is a 8-bit data type which can be negative in value (like -128 to +127), whereas the data type byte (or unsigned char) can only represent positive numbers (0 to +255). So when You have a variable of type (signed) char, which already has an assigned value of 127 and then add +1 to this value, it overflows to -128. When this variable is then cast to a variable with the other, unsigned dataytpe, that other variable gets the value 0 assigned as the lowest possible value of char (which -128) is translated to the lowest possible value of byte (which is 0). Both datatypes are 8-bit datatypes, they are just interpreted differently (with an offset value of 128). But honestly, nothing to do with 128 bits in any case.. edit: messed up minimum and maximum values.

[@pocoloco8075]

Or maybe they just use 7 bits to store the age. This would be the range of positive values of a signed char data type.

[@JustinY.]

Imagine training your entire life for warfare only to die from a pack of rapid dogs

[@kadyn7]

no Justin, just no

[@nc24]

you again

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

@@nc24 *Oh no its you again*

[@konope9041]

@@thespiffingbrit Imma be that guy. Rabid*

[@jacksonpavlich8198]

David Casey but that’s the thing... they are both rapid and rabid.

[@BLK_MN]

“Who let the dogs out?!?!” -Coxius Perator, Hound master of the XV Regiment of Rome.

[@peizhang6035]

"The dogs know no Hounds (bounds pun if you didnt know)" - Me after watching this video

[@LordWyatt]

Romans: Hu!Hu!Huhu!

[@Egg-oh2dh]

Yeye digo eat

[@kb2213]

Man I love this comment.

[@sarielle85]

"Quis canis emisit?"

[@gerbilface3409]

Rome is *amazing.* Had a general once that started out slightly insane, was a terrible governor, and ended up fighting crazy campaigns against Gaul. The result was a nearly immortal general, covered in scars, hooting like a starved owl, who married a sheep to stave off the loneliness of never being in a city. Fun times.

[@delanovanraalte3646]

An owl man marrying a sheep it isn't the weirdest thing I've heard surprisingly

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

Considering the roster of real generals and emperors in historic Rome, your guy isn't too far fetched.

[@XieTianXieDi888]

Nothing worse than your invincible general dying of old age and having nobody worthy to take his place.

[@grtwhtbnr]

@@XieTianXieDi888 I'll typically try to pair the young ones with an old one to curb it

[@narongponsaetan8605]

My best ever general just die today at the age of 64 😭 his stat is insane it will be much harder without him from now on

[@deutschamerikaner]

“I’m not sure why horse archers were added, they’re so broken” - Crassus being salty at the battle of Carrhae

[@BadDayLp]

im dying thanks

[@felixnilsson2440]

Laughs in mongolian.

[@rovsea-3761]

Compared to the Romans basically everything is underpowered.

[@deutschamerikaner]

@Rovsea - who would win: A massive continent spanning empire the likes of which the world had never seen with deep military and republican tradition, OR A FEW SHOOTY HORSE BOIS

[@jayd8091]

These damn camel caravans carrying arrows. Breaking the meta.

[@darter9000]

*doors break down and the two armies stare at each other Roman: “Oh no, we’re not the ones fighting...” *chorus of howls fill the air “There is our vanguard.”

[@gufu21]

I used to love this game. One of my top gaming experiences ever was when I was playing the Greeks. I had an OK army of hoplites, a few mercenary infantry, and a few ranged units. I don't remember all the details, but I was attacked by an absolutely huge army. I was ridiculously outnumbered. So I figured the best I could do was to make a tight ring of hoplite phalanxes and put my general, ranged units, and a few reserve infantry units in the middle and hope for the best. I waited in the plain as the much bigger army descended from the surrounding hills and engulfed me. The battle joined. My men were holding, as each phalanx had my reserve units and my general at their back. The enemy's bodies lay in massive piles all about my ring. But slowly, attrition took its toll, and the ring got thinner. Into the breaches I threw my reserve infantry, while my archers shot at enemy units further back. The battle wore on, and my line was getting driven inward. The archers ran out of arrows, and so I threw them too into the thinnest spots. In the center my general waited, not yet ready to commit to a charge anywhere. On the battle raged, and though I had lost most of my men, they were still holding. Then suddenly, one of the enemy units broke. Then another. Then more. The remaining exhausted hoplites could barely move, but my general and lighter units went after the routing army until they had all fled or died. And surrounding my ring were the heaped bodies of the enemy soldiers, like a red sea around the little island where I made my stand. Against all odds, I had pulled off an amazing win, and I felt like a genius. What a game.

[@HatstandTuesday]

Playing Medieval I for the first time. Mongol invasion turns up in a province with 1 unit of town militia. I was curious to see what this "Golden Horde" was, so I played it out. There was a river with a bridge, so I ran up to that and formed a little spear wall. The entire enemy army started to file across the bridge. The first figure to hit the spears dies instantly. Enemy king is dead. Entire army routs. Routing units attempt to move through my spearmen. Entire enemy army wiped out for no losses. Faction destroyed. All remaining Mongol units now rebels.

[@crypt0sFX]

Wow that's so cool. The bodies broke their morale, man that sounds like a movie.

[@kierangibbons3311]

as good as phalanx is, milita hoplites are so so bad, morale wise. they literally just route instantly and its kinda infuriating

[@pgetheelderscrollsturkiye68]

And the best thing is that the scenerio you experienced was probably happened in real life history too.

[@amp8295]

@@pgetheelderscrollsturkiye68 In fact it did. Soldier-historian Xenephon was stuck in the middle of the Achaemenid Empire with 10,000 hoplite mercenaries after their employer (who was a contender for King of Kings I think) died. Fought all the way back to Greece, repelling most Persian attacks. Badass story I tell ya.

[@happyninja42]

This reminds me of an exploit I found with Dragon Age: Origins. When you play as a hunter, and take the ability that lets you summon a wolf ally, for a split second when they are summoned, the little icon in the bottom of the screen that indicates they have unassigned AI strategies is there, and you can click on it. If you time it right, they have the FULL roster of reaction protocols that a normal companion has. So I made a team of 3 hunters, my war hound Woofles, and would have all 3 of the summoned wolves, all coded to just follow Woofles' lead, and attack what he'd attack. I'd set Woofles for targeting the mages in any enemy group, and he would use his wolf charge to just blitz over there, and tackle the clothy boy, along with his little wolf pack at his heels. They would just BURY the dude in angry doggos, and they would almost instantly kill him. Woofles' second priority, was to attack anyone attacking me. So after the first dog rush, they would turn, and charge from behind (because the clothy boys were almost always in the back row), and just devour the next enemy. Me and the other humanoids barely had to participate at all. That is probably the only time I've ever done the "exploit" method of gaming, but damn if it wasn't fun as hell.

[@daus6282]

I think this deserve a vid Sir Spiff

[@Cx10110100]

How does it fare against dragon or blood vial boys?

[@happyninja42]

@@Cx10110100 I'm not sure what you mean? Frankly it's been many years since I played DA:O, so I only really remember the basic premise of the exploit. But as I recall, it seemed to work pretty well against most enemy types. It's mostly just from overwhelming numbers. If you and the 2 other humanoids also target the same person (which is easy since you are all ranged hunters), it's a pretty impressive amount of focused damage, from 7 people at once.

[@timothyoswald8618]

Never heard of this, sounds VERY entertaining.

[@Cx10110100]

@@happyninja42 there blood vials scattered across the country from which you can summon powerful NPCs to fight and gain great loot. Thing is those guys dominate in melee, have AOE attack and pull ranged units in by magic. And the Dragon, well is annoying because it can murder anyone in one hit so theres a need to micromanage every single ally so that they dont end up too close or in front of it

[@colinnelson4080]

7:19 “Today we fight against monster - the Gauls! They are dangerous, mad and hairy beyond reason. In victory, they are always heartless!” -proceeds to have their dogs eat the Gauls alive.

[@jeremiahcstranslations2306]

The snails have a message for you: "Bon Appetit." -- Doggo champion before leading his horde into battle.😂🤣

[@devan6935]

@@jeremiahcstranslations2306 XD

[@systemshocker7634]

Do the dog handlers have to..you know..clean up the mess the dogs make after er... digesting the Gauls?

[@vinnieg6161]

This is by far my favourite game ever. The generals speeches are hilarious, the voice acting is amazing, your General can have lots of interesting traits and you can fight as the freaking Romans.

[@TheMrExemplar]

dude there are dogs that are stronger than humans, WTF? who thought this was a good idea?

[@vinnieg6161]

@@TheMrExemplar I don't understand what you are saying friend There are indeed plenty of dogs that can rip a person to shreds

[@mowgli_concrete_jungle_boi6265]

@@TheMrExemplar The Romans did. They did breed the "Molossians" for War and so on

[@misanthropicservitorofmars2116]

@@TheMrExemplardon’t use the dogs. This is a single player game for the most part. You can play however you want to make it the most enjoyable experience.

[@movingparts6270]

*Spiff:* Horse archers are broken! *Everyone, literally everyone, conquered by the Huns and Mongols:* Yeah, we know.

[@TheOutlawsRifle]

Moving Parts 😂😂😂

[@Vespasian91]

Crassus and pretty much every Roman who died in the some 400 years of Parthian-Roman wars on the eastern borders of the Empire: We a joke to you?

[@sentientpaperclip874]

@@Vespasian91 no fertilizer.

[@minderbart1]

@@Vespasian91 too be fair the romans had no problem beating the parthians when they actually used their brains

[@minderbart1]

@Főfasírozó that isn't true. the huns came from around what is now mongolia(though where exactly no one knows) the scythians have been around the crimea for centuries by the time the huns show up

[@gannonpatton2858]

This brings me awful flashbacks of Rome: Total War, spending all-nighters by myself and formulating strategies. You won't see this, but thanks for reminding me of this, Spiff. Mid 2000's were a good time for video games!

[@QuietFury9]

Upvote just for spiff to see

[@gannonpatton2858]

@@QuietFury9 Aye, thanks man, that meant a lot to me!

[@QuietFury9]

@@gannonpatton2858 no worries my guy anything for our lord spiff to shine his radiance on us mere peasants!

[@OlieB]

Bump

[@NotEvenDeathCanSaveU]

yeah I totally love this game as well, just as much as medieval 2.. legendary stuff

[@zachbaker2051]

Imagine being one of the two soldiers getting chased by 700 barking dogs. The resonance of all the barks would create a deafening and continuous roar.

[@samalliston3094]

Wow, I’ve got such fond memories of this game when I was little. Remembering back, we had a very early morning flight departing from France back to England and that the flight was delayed by 8 hours, to our horror. To kill time however, my stepdad had brought his laptop with this game installed. Sitting on the floor near the gate, I remember vividly playing that historical battle between Egypt and the Seleucids (don’t remember what it was called) whilst struggling over and over again to beat it. After finally completing it after 5 gruelling hours I was at last approaching the dying stages of the battle. I distinctly remember the orange glow of the early morning sun, slowly rising above the horizon, and the sun warming me through the thick glass window; heralding my final victory into the pantheon of my young and imaginative mind. This is the first time I’ve ever thought back upon this memory, but thank you. Nostalgia is one hell of a feeling.

[@notacaulkhead]

Thanks for sharing :D

[@sarvajitkulkarni8271]

That's beautiful

[@alextowers3564]

From memory, I think it was the Battle of Rafia. Its the one where the general runs off at the start cause he gets caught up in a cavalry charge and you've got to bring him back round the side of that massive rock right? I'm glad so many people have such fond memories of this great game

[@FolkoMagipaw]

This gives "this is absolutely bork'ed" a whole brand new meaning.

[@Akatsuki69387]

This is the true mega bork.

[@whizthesugoi]

Sorry for the dislike I can't be the 421

[@geoffreyentwistle8176]

That's what happens when you doggedly dig through the game mechanics for exploits...

[@Akatsuki69387]

Geoffrey Entwistle I dunno. That pun came out kinda ruff around the edges

[@FolkoMagipaw]

@@Akatsuki69387 I think you're barking up the wrong tree here, pal.

[@OffyMeds]

“FETCH ME THEIR SOULS”

[@joshuabrand111]

I love how you basically turned Rome total war into a British fox hunt.

[@jeremiahcstranslations2306]

But people are on the menu. Sounds like a movie poster.

[@carcosanative666]

If I could give gold medals on youtube, I’d give you one

[@TheKenigham]

20:00 “I don’t know who allowed them to be added into the game” - crassus, battle of carrhae

[@reecelongden3500]

Ah, I see that you're a man of culture as well ;)

[@LuciusSicarius]

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war." Okay I didn't mean it literally.

[@thedodorex7612]

I mean if it works?

[@EfraimTzimisce]

"Don't be afraid, he just wants to play!" - every owner of the attack dog (c)

[@makaylahnkanu304]

This makes me remember a past that I don't want to remember.

[@stephen90944]

"You are the toy! Hey doggo... Fetch."

[@imperator51]

:)

[@sozetsukokai]

He actually really just wants to play. What they don't tell you is that your entrails are the intended toy

[@FEARSWTOR]

"Don't worry he doesn't bite! ...might maul a little, though."

[@redkellbell6169]

*meanwhile in a history class somewhere* Teacher: Today we shall be talking about Rome-- Random student: About Caeser?! Other random student: Caligula? Teacher: No no, we will be talking about a lesser known earlier general. Now class, I shall be telling you about the grand battle outside Narbo Martius in the year 237 BC, lead by general Quintus Julius Canis, the hound general. It was in this battle he proceeded to field a swarm of 1000 dogs and a few cohorts and decimated an enemy Gaul army of approximately 1200 soldiers. The upkeep was rather cheap too. Students: ... Teacher: there was after all hundreds of corpses littered among the ground. Would be a shame to let it go to waste... Students: O.o Teacher: As I said, it was rather cheap upkeep.

[@imperium3926]

Fmmmm

[@MrQwertysystem]

To be fair a pack of 1000 trained war dogs could probably have a good chance against an equal force of humans armed with only melee weapons. Modern weapons though would probably depend quite heavily on the location of the battle.

[@adrianbundy3249]

@@MrQwertysystem Not if they were disciplined, and armed with melee weapons even approaching something as good as a club. People tend to overvalue dogs, especially when confronted by thinking humans working together. It isn't no accident cave-men with much less than swords put fear into most animals, even capturing and them domesticating purely wild wolves as a precursor to our dogs - and drove even some more dangerous species into extinction (ice age era bear species, giant lizard near top of the food pyramid in Australia when the first humans set foot there, etc), long before our C02 emissions. Taking pride of lions as pelts, and worse - and those do work together, like wolves. Sure, no single of human probably would have ever wanted to fight them in an even ground, but a tribe of humans, and individual humans knowing hunting and killing isn't about fighting fair or upfront. Like waiting for the heat of summer to drive certain cold-blooded animals to temperatures and dispositions as to make something much easier to kill, and then kill it with fire. As it is, a decent club and the knowledge on where to strike, can take down any dog, even a great dane, or bigger - and a group of humans will certainly start coordinating well to that effect, even surrounded, where it would take a much greater number than them to take them out. Humans as it is, are only a bit less dangerous than a chimpanzee when fit towards our natural state, which most during the Roman era were. And one of those rip apart almost any dog you put in front of it, based on similar tactics, without clubs - even ones that are more than a hundred pounds heavier than it, dancing around the front attack, going on the back, breaking joints and/or chokeholding and ripping out the throat (as was proven in some once legal forms of dogfighting vs some monkeys, which weren't even chimps), and other more recent examples. Dogs have many obvious weaknesses, that can be exploited heavily, even in groups, if you are well prepared, with friends, and have basic weapons. Dogs only have one strong attack, but chimps, or humans for that matter, can make any number of appendages deathly lethal to them, especially armed - while using them separately to outmaneuver the dog's.

[@chimp_monke123]

@@MrQwertysystem Could you imagine this situation going down at night?

[@cosmicnautilus1345]

"Its not fair, its not balanced, but it is very entertaining" -God.

[@eugenefrolov1396]

Makes sense

[@olimar243]

You mean "dog" 🙂 I'll let myself out now..

[@AKidWithNoAttitude]

Best jokes in the game include: Domus Dulcis Domus, a settlement translating to 'home, sweet home'; the germanic 'Screeching Women' unit; and the game's AI.

[@demomanchaos]

Shame you can't get a commander named Biggus Dickus.

[@ertvonzukonigvonrahm835]

What about the Jewish Rebels ? Look at the description. There is a Monty Phython Joke What about the Cheat Dog lover?

[@BornDepressed]

Something tells me when Spiff drinks, he's either an incredible conversationalist, or one of the most terrifying men in all of England when he files his taxes.

[@marcoferramosca8712]

He says as he slaughter hundreds of men with dogs

[@joelpassanha8996]

@@marcoferramosca8712 Release the Corgis

[@lemeres2478]

Why can't it be both? He maxed his charisma and diplomacy skill, and then went out to talk to the tax man. Note that the alcohol gives a buff to both, and it actually ends up causing him to have an overflow error which meant that the government owed him tax money instead

[@BearOldcastle]

Probs finds a way to write taxes instead of to the queen but jimself by getting a de jure title on Zeeland.

[@SephirothRyu]

Spiffing Brit for prime minister!

[@blobjorn3248]

"Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war."

[@n5284]

"I can almost hear the hounds" -The army of Gaul, moments before being viciously attacked by an infinite amount of dogs

[@quantustremorestfuturus5434]

Dogs are actually quite weak to hoplites or high level infantry. Still stupidly OP for their very low upkeep, and the fact that the dogs don't need to be retrained, you only have to worry about the dog masters.

[@NerdyNoise]

Man childhood me had thousands of hours in rome total war and i did this CONSTANTLY every third army of mine would be doggos, i never thought it was crazy strong i just loved it

[@rorywhitted3185]

I've always loved this game. One of my favorite things to do was play as a roman faction and train up a bunch of assassins, and instead of using the assassins to eliminate enemy generals, I would have them take out the generals of the other roman factions. That way my own generals would be the only ones available to be elected to the highest offices of the roman government.

[@eyllyssaunders5345]

Historically accurate rome

[@KasumiRINA]

@@eyllyssaunders5345 nah, historically accurate would be if your own general's bodyguard unit periodically wiped out faction leader lol.

[@andyduke6119]

Spiff: doggos are broken. Spiff: horse archers are broken. Spiff: what happens when I combine the two?

[@SanicDeHeghog]

Horse archer doggos. Which is a terrifying sight.

[@エレダー]

i'm picturing a dog sitton on horse back and jump off bite enemies neck like assassin

[@ievgeniiromenskyi3375]

how about horse archers that shoot not arrows but freaking dogs?

[@daddyosman2159]

@@skylordwolfface i see you are a man of culture as well

[@fun-kun7137]

You get a Mongol

[@A0130EX]

I guess this answers the lifelong question of "who let the dogs out?" It was spiff and his roman army

[@Sketch1ish]

It fills me with joy to share the greatness of doggo armies to those who haven't spent thousands of hours playing Total War :)

[@LookBackHistory]

"Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the dogs of war!" 100% the inspiration for this video

[@JamesPyrich]

Literally: Cry, “Havoc,” and let slip the dogs of war!

[@ryanmattia433]

The horse archer strat is also how you brute force anything in the first Stronghold Crusader. Since projectiles could miss in that game you could just run in circles dodging while murdering everything. I love horse archers.

[@mattsullivan78]

Is this Total War: Rome or Starcraft? Cuz all I see is zerg swarm.

[@LordOfGilneas]

LIVE FOR THE SWARM

[@d00mf1sh]

Came down here just to look for this comment, reminds me of the good ol days

[@Jonjon13Jonjon13]

kekkekeekekekeke

[@Smalltimestrategy]

DIE FOR THE SWARM!

[@hawkeye5955]

Basically the zerglings but they're dogs

[@Spicarium]

Rome TW was so good, they even used it in a 2003 BBC TV series: Time Commanders. With Richard Hammond as presenter. Fighting historical battles in 2 teams of 4. One captain of the team as a commander and 3 other players to control the army I believe. Not really sure about the format. Afterwards military specialists would even analyze the battles

[@GundamReviver]

Shit man I thought I hallucinaties the existsnce of that!

[@Spicarium]

@@GundamReviver No man, this shit was for real :D

[@emersonthorpe8231]

Rome Total War and Medieval Total War were my childhood. Along with the Age of Empire games.

[@HippasosofMetapontum]

Anno and Civ?

[@emersonthorpe8231]

@@HippasosofMetapontum Not so much with those two. The latter mainly because for a long while I was too young to understand some of their more complex mechanics, so I'd just watch my Dad and Brother play Civ 4, and 5 I think later on. But still remember Gandhi being a warmonger, at least according to my brother.

[@garrettledford1147]

"I lied in the title" Oh no! How could you do this?! I'll never trust you again!

[@NWolfsson]

"My Teacups are a perfectly Balanced Community With No Exploits - Exposing the Perfectly Balanced Exploits!" Here, perfect Vlog title for Spiff x)

[@bknight3391]

This game made up a big chunk of my younger years. Probably my favorite part was the flavor texts for the stats your generals had. "This man has less influence then an olive. At least the olive could get lodged in someone's throat and cause them to choke to death."

[@Mullet-ZubazPants]

At the Battle of Yakety Sax, an army of squirrels distracted an army of dogs. The battle was just dogs chasing squirrels around the battlefield Benny Hill style, while Legion trumpeters played Yakety Sax ... true history

[@nickrostovtsev8214]

When I was a kid and this game came out my mom bought it for me. For some reason it was on 3 separate cd disks and in English, I knew no English whatsoever but it didn't stop me from playing this beautiful game. I remember that for next couple months, every day, my mom had to listen mighty stories about brave Rome family who wiped out poor Greece and Macedonia and then betrayed Rome senate.. Good times sorry mom

[@serotonin.scavenger]

This is really wholesome. You're lucky to have someone like your mum.

[@michaelhoffmann7111]

Can't believe you lied in the title. That's it, I'm switching to hot chocolate.

[@hydra9070]

.

[@poilboiler]

Nothing stopping you from dipping a teabag into that chocolate you know.

[@michaelhoffmann7111]

@@poilboiler I know what I'm trying later. If I survive you'll be updated

[@lukepooler6155]

Loved this game was just a random strategy game I picked up one day but shaped my gaming tastes forever.

[@superspicy8740]

Michael Hoffmann soooo How was it?

[@Krontok]

Jon suddenly wakes up "Oh! It was just a dream." he looks over to see Julianus Vatinius staring at him from across the dim room, the moonlight reflecting off of his bald head. "Go back to sleep Jon."

[@failure5058]

All hail the Vatinius!

[@darebrained]

What I learnt: - Dogs are immortal - Dogs are perfectly balanced - Spiff isn't a true Brit as he didn't get himself a mod to replace the dogs with corgies the damn impostor

[@Neion8]

Corgies? I see we have a damnable Monarchist over here; real Brits only go for Bulldogs. Jokes; all dogs are amazing.

[@lewissmith5759]

Corgies are welsh, should be a springer spaniel

[@clockworkpotato9892]

@@lewissmith5759 Or a Staffordshire bull terrier Aka a staffie

[@jonramsey36]

Corgies would be hilarious. Now, imagine losing a battle to Pomeranians...

[@Neion8]

@@jonramsey36 Though a giant pack of vicious Chihuahuas would be something to fear!

[@bernardomatta4218]

The enemy army: Rally the men, we are going to war!! Spiff's army: *growls increasingly*

[@zombiebentaylor]

Thanks to this video, I got back into this game and as 'Brittania' I've swiftly conquered Gaul and not so long ago have taken Rome using the dogo strategy in conjunction with the already frightening chariots. I feel like my 11 year old self again

[@Barwasser]

The Spiffing Brit: Horsearchers are op! Genghis Khan: write that down, write that down! Everyone: *chuckels - I'm in danger

[@walnzell9328]

Atilla the Hun: Interesting

[@edwardlewsey3954]

Rome: Total War was mind-meltingly incredible, having played Medieval: Total War into the early hours with my friends each playing a leader until they died the graphics were amazing. The build up was palpable, Time Commanders the TV show used the game. Awesome times

[@HippasosofMetapontum]

still like to play it

[@Casketkrusher_]

Remaster sucks though

[@edwardlewsey3954]

@@Casketkrusher_ I haven't been brave enough to try it yet... worried that it will spoil my memories :-)

[@meanmeng1950]

@@Casketkrusher_ all they did was redid graphics 4K support and newer features

[@loki7869]

6:49 the enemy got a nice amount of kills there

[@THE_Mirage]

Remember when spiff was forced to buy the stock images for legal reasons? Then the community wanted the watermarks so bad that he made his own

[@baldred7002]

Wait, did he make every stock image he uses?

[@thepurpleshade486]

Baldred yes, he is all those people! the true power of yorkshire tea gold!

[@baldred7002]

@@thepurpleshade486 wow, I didn't know he could even be in a place with multiple bodies with the power of gold Yorkshire tea, that's amazing!

[@Barwasser]

Horsearchers being op and "perfectly balanced" is historically acurate tho...

[@czernodog8403]

this is a videogame meant to be played for fun

[@BigBeerus]

@@czernodog8403 ok and?

[@serialthrilliayahoo]

@@czernodog8403 then play horse archer geez...

[@kurosakiichigo7475]

@@czernodog8403 it's meant to be historically accurate

[@Alex-0597]

@@kurosakiichigo7475 It's really not. The developers deliberately made the Egyptian army go back a couple centuries for unit variety.

[@HydetheRapper]

I loved Rome Total War. This is just a nostalgia bomb.

[@boskone]

Spiff: "I will attack with immortal super-dogs." Me: "...that looks like fire ants. That's truly terrifying."

[@bird3013]

i think there called immortal because when a dog dies it gets replaced as soon as the battle has come to a end

[@andrewcrain5422]

Gods...I hate Gauls. My grandfather hated them too, even before they put out his eyes

[@krishnakantbhatt9947]

Did you think I'd be out here on the frontier without good reason? Yes Rome has too many dogos And too many unwashed barbarians at her gates Let slip the dogs of war But don't quote me on it

[@arsstv]

Fun fact: the Mongols historically actually won most of their battles where they didn't massively outnumbered their opponent by utilizing fast cavalry with bows to pelt the enemy ranks and then run away if they are getting threatened. They rinse and repeated until their own heavy cavalry could finish the job. And due to the fact that Mongols were practically raised with their bows they all could shoot while riding a galloping horse and could do so with extreme precision, able to hit quite a small target from 50 meter distance.

[@kekbur249]

Yes, if you fast forward over 1000 years

[@Finnan189]

"Cry 'Havoc!,' and let slip the dogs of war." Mark Antony approves of this exploit.

[@Savaris96]

As a certain Nerd once put it: Rome: Total War is broken and he totally loves it

[@metetural9140]

Ah yes a certain nerd I love. And hate. Fuckin wanker. I love that man

[@potvinbo]

He is a true nerd. And I love it!

[@timeenough501]

Julianus Vatinnius : the man, the myth, the space emperor. 👍🏻

[@FilmsNerf2]

I like Nerd³ too. Its just a joke. I know who Jon is.

[@metetural9140]

@@FilmsNerf2 yeah... remember the podcats? And its reboot? That went on for how long... oh yeah. One episode that wasn't even live...

[@D64nz]

Fun fact -Decimate was a very specific term in roman times. If a Legion failed or was traitorous, then that legion would be decimated. That is one in every ten men would be killed in front of the rest of their troop to ..."inspire" the remaining men.

[@ate1o]

Always gets to me a little bit when people use it as a way of saying obliterated when it really just means the loss of 1/10th

[@MercuryAlphaInc]

"Why is an entire faction wearing pink?!" Is their leader a pompadour sporting, moustachio'd man named Cotton Dynosour? 'Cause that'd explain it.

[@Syler321]

Long live Cotton!

[@Garathon]

Me: Awww cure doggies, lemme pet you! Dog: *bites off my hand* Me: At least I already liked and subbed

[@theluckyaceco]

This would be me, and then I'd immediately use the remaining hand to try to pet another pupper. Actually, Once I saw the enemy had dogs, and we didn't, I'd switch sides because the sides with dog *must* be the good guys (that's the law)

[@Garathon]

@@theluckyaceco true true

[@ares1774]

ah this is a truly beautiful game thank you for the nostalgia I seem to remember the perfectly balanced bridge battles where 1 phalanx unit can kill an entire army without suffering casualties

[@Pyreas]

I remember buying Rome: Total War when I was on a vacation in Scotland when I was like 16. It's great even if it's full of exploits. The good old days of Total War where arrows and crossbow bolts were physical projectiles were my favourite.

[@FlyingDragoon8]

"Flax" men sound a whole lot less terrifying than FALX men.

[@GritimoTheOdd]

I love Spiff but when gets a name THAT wrong it hurts.

[@DoveAlexa]

The calls to action that most youtubers do to get me to like, share and favourite whatever rarely get me to do anything, but damn this channel has gotten me to drink more tea!

[@Gilhelmi]

I first saw this game played by Jon, of MATN. I immediately fell in love. I must have sank 2000+ hours since then. It is a glorious game. Future games were technically better, but one never forgets their first time.

[@sjs9698]

for me that was fighting battles atop massive hills in shogun, my army whittled down to a general & a few scraps of units, unable to get away from that province they stood year after glorious year till the enemy finally had no more armies to send. a few battle-hardened survivors being a core of elite units that'd go on to subjugate the whole of japan. 'course both veterancy & unit-replenishmentwere a tad different back then...

[@GrandAdmThrawn]

Fun Fact: that AI is still better than the AI in Rome 2.

[@pon3d120]

All they had to do was release Rome 1 with a few balance tweaks and Rome 2 would've bewn amazing. Instead we got a buggy mess that made no sense.

[@atomiknight]

Truth

[@locus2427]

@@pon3d120 Rome 2 isn't a buggy mess

[@andjelko1999]

@@locus2427 its not that bad in 2020

[@jorgevillarroel4884]

Play with DEI un hardest, haha

[@CB-lw7ty]

I feel like as much as Rome total war doesn't get brought up much, when someone does bring it up then there's always plenty of people who love it and want to talk about it. I found out about it from a TV show in the UK where they had groups of 4 people take on historical battles as the generals of the army, so you had planning parts of the show and then the battle itself, was really fun and interesting that I was surprised it ended as quickly as it did. From that though I found out what game they used for the show, it was Rome total war and it's one of the rare games I've found myself needing to play atleast every other year for a large campaign just for how fun it is.

[@selebmemble]

What's the name of the show? I'm interested.

[@CB-lw7ty]

@@selebmemble Time commanders If I remember right, apparently the episodes are on here somewhere

[@Brazyer]

Spiff; also Mr. Burns: "Release the hounds."

[@cebraulkenne8571]

And this is how the furries secured the Roman empire.

[@serotonin.scavenger]

I mean, if your legendary founder was suckled by a she-wolf when he was just a babe, how could things turn out otherwise?

[@7411y]

No wonder it fell in the end

[@cebraulkenne8571]

@@7411y It was because of all the rape.

[@Gormathius]

Sometimes something is so blatantly broken even on paper I just can't process what the devs were thinking when they made it the way it is.

[@liamwalsh8872]

This is just the power of yorkshire tea gold combined it’s deeply doggos

[@bobThebuilder-mj8ht]

If a few dogs died, and theirs yorkshire gold. Oh no Jhon Wick

[@superspicy8740]

bob The builder you mean *WOHN JICK THE SECRET CHINESE BROTHER OF JOHN WICK*

[@somewhat._.damaged]

Zerg: "We're The Best Swarm" Dogs In Rome Total War: "Hold my Beer"

[@selder_7]

15:45 you missed an exploit. You ended your movement right next to the settlement but without the little movement left needed to put it under siege. However, if you split the army and send the horses up first, they can reach and besiege the walls of the settlement. If you then send the infantry to merge with the horse army, they have enough movement to merge back in and join the siege, despite not having had enough movement to start a siege. You can even then build more siege equipment now they’ve joined up

[@NoMorePlz]

"The enemy managed around 60 kills there" *me checking the numbers* They managed exactly 69 nice kills... miss opportunity Spiff. Still liked the video regardless.

[@mulrich]

I was going to comment the same thing, haha! NICE!

[@JimRFF]

1:13 ... "Total War"... "historically accurate"... Egypt: *laughs in Bronze Age chariots*

[@HippasosofMetapontum]

even tho it was possible they would rebuild this stuff ... i just the option of developing technology like in civ - so everyone could do this

[@somethinglikethat2176]

It's like they watched The Mummy and said "yeah that's probably close enough".

[@melogranohifi]

My mother is an archaeologist with a PhD in Roman History, playing this thing in front of her as a kid was an absolute joy, as she oscillated between absolutely loving the fact that I was getting into roman history and absolutely loathing the game's inaccuracies

[@bubbasbigblast8563]

The AI in diplomacy is usually dumb because it assumes you'll negotiate: they start with a really dumb offer, and expect you to read their mind and make a counter offer that the AI thinks is reasonable. No one bothers with that because the first offer is so dumb, and you need a decent diplomacy skill just to bring the AI back to earth anyway and why bother with that.

[@whizthesugoi]

Which is pretty accurate right

[@GillesLouisReneDeleuze]

Spiff: *attacking* Enemy units: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

[@ghostnothing]

You are soldiers of Gondor. No matter what comes through that gate, you will stand your ground * gates burst open and a wave of angry doggos start running in*

[@ijustsawthat]

Soldier : Sir, there's just one man holding a yellow ball on top of the cliff. General : Ignore him, it's fine. > Spiff throws ball over on the settlement direction > Dog army start chasing the ball on the settlement

[@nickbrady]

I did this strategy like 15 (I'm old) years ago. I had a mad general with a pack of killer dogs! Great for low armor German tribes.

[@mithshude]

This brings back some fond memories, i remember playing the barbarian invasion and there's a campaign where you get attacked by a horde of 20 000 or so horses right at the start and are supposed to lose your city right away (10-20 fully stacked armies coming for you right at the start and you have like 300 town watch). Well i didn't know i was supposed to lose and managed to take down the entire army with only about 500 spear wielding troops by basically using the spartan tactics vs persia. Had a small town with 3 narrow passages to the town square, put 1 group in each chokepoint and had the rest of the troops help push back wherever we were losing. Since the enemy didn't have any archers at all i actually managed to defeat them using this tactic alone, although it was pretty boring tbh since you just sat there waiting most of the time. Still one of my all time favourite games without a doubt!

[@kingcreeperkillers]

Rome total war hardest difficulty: Literaly Just Egypt pulling generals out of their arse

[@pp-wo1sd]

Egypt hardest faction to conquer because theor generals massacre cavalry , generals especially

[@Pchlster]

Eh, get some mercenary hoplites before you head to Egypt. Even the shittiest hoplites tear through chariots.

[@sjs9698]

@@Pchlster better yet send an army right at the start of the game. never let them get that first chariot, also egypt has some lovely provinces... and iirc even some elephants for the romans.

[@Pchlster]

@@sjs9698 Eh, I tend to sabotage my fellow Romans first. Take Patavium and make an alliance with the Gauls, whatever the cost, and take the non-Roman parts of Sicily. At that point, the Brutii cannot fail.

[@BLK_MN]

Today I learned George R.R. Martin got half his ideas from Rome: Total War.

[@Lakhshamana]

Ramsay is a visionary indeed

[@lachlanmckinnie1406]

This hits me right in the nostalgia. I loved this game when I was young. Something I found hilarious was when you were besieged, you could sally out before the enemy had siege engines ready, but not actually leave the settlement. So the AI would just circle the settlement, but invariably some of the units would get into tower range. So you'd get a bunch of free kills, "retreat", call it a draw, then rinse and repeat.

[@OscarDaOtter317]

spiff: "this is gonna be the thumbnail" proceeds to save screenshot thumbnail then not used: "Am I a joke to you?"

[@71499lion]

“Not too historically accurate” yet proceeds to show us why our dogs have an innate need to chase the mail man

[@guypalperson928]

I see that pun you did there ;)

[@MadnessIncVP]

"It's a game with quite possibly, one of the largest collection of exploits / imbalanced features i've ever seen." Reanu Keeves: _"Bring me this Rome world."_

[@killerwakka1]

Spif: Hello there Mercenaries I would like to hire you Mercenaries: We Swordsmen shall plede or swords to you. Spif: No I don't need swordsmen you are now archers Mercenaries: But Spif: YOU ARE NOW ARCHERS Mercenaries: Alright Some time later Spif: Mercenaries Attack those soilders Mercenaries: Guys charge at them with your swords Spif: Why are you archers charging at them and still win Mercenaries: ...

[@joncaraciolo5142]

Throwing out the word “decimating” a lot this episode, that term comes from Roman times! When a cohort (about 430 soldiers) committed a capitol offends (cowardice, mutiny etc) it would be “decimated” meaning the soldiers would split into groups of ten, draw straws and the loser was killed by his friends! Then the soldiers would get barley instead of wheat as rations

[@dreamforgegames4776]

Barley? What a travesty!

[@atomiknight]

Yes, killed by his friends...with their bare hands.

[@Omicron9999]

The way I heard it, the General would have the soldiers line up and then go down the line and touch every tenth man on the shoulder, at which point he would be immediately killed by the guys next to him.

[@neoj7560]

uuuhhh cuz he got touched?????/??

[@radoslavhresko8736]

@@Omicron9999 It was more random. At lowest level, roman Legion was organized into 10 men groups (Decima, these were more like 8, as remaining 2 were basically their servants). These men slept, ate, trained, marched and fought together. From them, one was randomly selected (via lot), others had to beat him to death. Basically imagine being beaten to death by your closest friends.

[@GoErikTheRed]

7:26 "Most people don't use attack dogs for settlement wars (sic)." Are you high? Dogs are at their most effective when attacking settlements. Also, use a single unit of cavalry to mop up the last two guys running from the dogs, and the dogs will redirect to the nearest enemy unit. Repeat as necessary.

[@Blisterdude123]

The first RTW is 'the' definitive Total War game.

[@ertvonzukonigvonrahm835]

What was best a RTW : Unites that were jokes or just realy Fun Missiles: Sound, apperence and Terrain Advantage Intros were better than all other intros The Game gave you the ability to make every gamestyle worke You can get every faction with a few ... hackes? By Modding? It was so simple i dont know how to Call it The General traits were Logical and you acualy loved and hated some characters. I Really cried when my favorite died. He was a nice highly intelligent ugly 30 Year old man who was in spain

[@PestilentAllosaurus]

Me who did a similar dog tactic simply because I like doggos. :D You brought back wonderful memories.

[@56voltman]

This was the first strategy game I ever played when I was young. My first thought was "I wonder if he's going to talk about anything other than the wardogs or spartan phalanx?" oh the horse archers....I forgot.

[@serotonin.scavenger]

"All's fair and broken in Rome:Total War" - Willy Shakes-his-Spear

[@brend1800]

base game yes - until mods come in and fix them all lol

[@stundra3565]

The last thing the gauls heard "Fetch me their souls*

[@Danielle-eu3li]

To be fair the dog rounds were usually the hardest without the right gear 😂

[@aqpngian1369]

Every game that you show off makes me feel older and older, I played every game in your entire roster your videos and always makes me feel happier