Things A Drummer will Never Say

Humorous video of things you will never hear a typical drummer say. Disclaimer: We are making fun of the stereotypical rock drummer, so smart, employed, session drummers who can read music will probably take offense. Too bad.

[@BillyFromDaA443]

"wow my snare is tuned perfectly"

[@Packhuffer]

I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME!

[@martonkardos8094]

I think it for a second, when I just've got it tuned up. Next moment I think it sounds horrible XD

[@ForFearItsChris]

billy bonolis if a drummer does say that, and he’s under 25 years old, get ready for the worst snare sound of your life 😂😂😂

[@PolyphonicPress]

Video should be called "Things Successful Drummers Say"

[@ajc1603]

Polyphonic Press A good drummer always shares his weed!

[@username55ify]

"So I've been reading this great book lately!" That killed me, holy shit.

[@jnfransoi6998]

Standard Trevor i was reading the comment at the same time he said it

[@ragemodeon3441]

"i'm gonna play this song exactly as it's written" HAHAHAHAHAHA never said and never will do xD

[@Blackand]

stop using written bullshit and learn by ear, godamn, its not that hard

[@ragemodeon3441]

kaika ku actually that is what I do :/

[@ThereaalSP]

Rage ModeOn same

[@GangGang-qk1se]

Rage ModeOn I try to do the song how it is played unless it can help the band. For example if the way the song was written was throwing the bassist off

[@wagilini9723]

It's likely that you shouldn't play the song exactly as it's written on the page.

[@RevolutionInsignia]

"Of course I respect your opinion" "Yes, I've taken lessons. I don't think there's really ever a 'self taught' " "I love Buddy Rich!" "Metal drumming honestly isn't the most technical, just look a classic jazz and swing drummers like Gene Krupa" "You're right guys, I was off time!" "You want to throw in some suggestions?" "If I really practiced as much as I said, I'd be professional by now" "That tuning did kinda sound off huh?" "I really need to wrap up this session guys, I need to return home promptly to finish my thesis statement for my PhD. in Biochemistry" "No, I don't need to borrow money, but I appreciate your offer" "I can read music" "I can read"

[@user-py3py5sx2f]

+ռɨƈ.ɦօʟǟsb That's a pretty narrow mindset

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Come on, I've NEVER even heard of a guitar player who could tell a drum was badly tuned...:)

[@createnewhandle_]

@@Nicholxsb I play drums and guitar. I can't read music worth shit.

[@FelixWheatfield]

Actually, as a drummer, Buddy Rich in my opinion is overrated. Elvin Jones is where it's at

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

@@createnewhandle_ i can read in a few clefs. Badly in all of them. Lol. Bass/treble/grand staff and percussion.

[@madridislife8612]

"I'm going to play my music exactly as it's written" I laughed way to hard at this

[@andrewwheeldon3957]

How do you know a drummer is at the door - the knocking speeds up.

[@thebritishguys6304]

I laughed way too hard at that comment.. relatable af 😂

[@nlzstn]

AHAHAHAH

[@micahkafka8416]

How do you get rid of them? Pay for the pizza.

[@davedecker1725]

Micah Kafka 😆😆😆

[@saintpoli6800]

Or you start hearing a paradiddle...

[@eddiecobain6758]

"My neighbours love me, they love hearing me practice everyday!" was good but.... "metronomes are my favourite" HAHAHAHAHHA TOO GOOD DUDE xDDDDD

[@averagebusinessmen2]

I've been reading this great book lately. That KILLED me

[@nicholxsbxiley695]

That one didn’t make sense to me.

[@thegreatmosquito5592]

nicholxs bxiley the joke is drummers are too dumb to read

[@leeschmitz993]

Things only drummers say - "That's fine. I know we all are an equal part of the band. But I'll set up everyone's equipment, while the lead guitarist hits on my wife, the lead vocalist snorts coke, and the bassist decides whether or not to even show up."

[@derf291]

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.

[@jojobear138]

fred minor first of all, ouch my feelings , second of all how dare you. XD

[@tyeverette20]

fred minor I'm a drummer and I don't get the joke

[@Szukk]

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend? A drummer.

[@drummerboy0620]

What do you call a fred minor without a life? An idiot

[@matthewmiller9485]

What do you call a bassist without a girlfriend? A bassist!

[@ILikeWafflz]

"3/4 is my favorite time signature" What? Do drummers generally dislike 3/4? My favorite thing with drumming is playing around with time signatures.

[@fleagalisyourdaddy]

Just jokes. Drummers love hard time signatures.

[@KillianDeaton]

+ILikeWafflz different time signatures make it fun, with just 4/4 it can get boring.

[@ILikeWafflz]

+Killian Deaton I understand that. What had me a bit confused was the title of the video being "Things A Drummer will Never Say", suggesting drummers (at least the generic ones people make fun of) actually don't like 3/4. I'm just wondering what a drummer might dislike about the time signature.

[@KillianDeaton]

ILikeWafflz Well, it's not the easiest to adjust to for some. I'll give it that. Personally, I think it's easy, along with cut time, 2/4 time, and comet time. Once you get to 5/4 and anything above that, excluding 6/8 time, things can get tricky

[@ILikeWafflz]

+Killian Deaton When I play and make an effort to avoid 4/4 and 12/8 just to see what I can get, I find 5/4 (in the form of 5/8 + 5/8, and not 2/4 + 3/4), and 9/8 to be the time signatures I end up slipping into. Playing in odd sixteenths is a bit more challenging, but I've managed to figure it out a couple of times. What is comet time? I can't find anything looking it up.

[@BrandonTownsend]

"Yea I'll use brushes. I love brushes." Hahaha. That one killed me!

[@paigemartins286]

"Yeah I love brushes!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@troyboi7662]

Paige Martins my band actually asked me to play with brushes for a gig😂🤦‍♂️ that part killed me lol

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

We don't like friggin "hot rods," either...

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

@@troyboi7662 Time to double the price or just tone down. Lol. See Bernard Purdie. Enough said. Or...James Gadson (Marvin Gay's sofa video of "I want You") as well as Bill Withers. Nick Mason, too.

[@idkhow]

"My snare is tuned perfectly"

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Lots of garbage snares out there, I guess. I neved have to touch my Ludwig 402. And it's not even a DW.

[@danielcortez1528]

The difference between drummers and percussionists

[@tajbaber9425]

There's also a difference between a drummer and a guy that plays drums.

[@Archived0]

0:18 is something I've said a few times.

[@ThereaalSP]

Twitchy same

[@motomedic5057]

Truly there has not been a more spot on video in history. Lol I should work on my rudiments, haha

[@TheApostleofRock]

+Moto Medic Seriously though. I do need to. But I don't lol

[@basedfitness1592]

What I've learned is that a drummer and a bassists should have a tight connection

[@michielvanderheyden4960]

"I love click tracks" hahah xD

[@Hennu_TRM]

I'm a drummer (somewhat new to drums, not super great) and a friend of mine recently challenged me to start playing with a click and I actually love it because I can already tell it's making me a way better musician.

[@obiplays5270]

"As a matter of fact Ill put my shirt back on" "The bassit is more attractive than me" You sir are a gentleman and a scholar, sub earned!

[@V8trickshot]

" your right my drums are out of tune "

[@JohnSmith-ol9zd]

A rock drummer wouldn't say these. But most jazz or orchestra members can read,

[@sicus5D]

+Low Battery You dont have drummers in orchestra, you have percussionists.

[@Sky_Lamby]

Even in some bands, you have percussionist and not drummers, because why confine yourself to one instrument when you could play eight at a time am I right?

[@chrisboon6354]

+sicus5D you do not have percussionists you have a conductor who managed to hold on to both sticks

[@danielwilby6657]

+sicus5D jazz orchestra?

[@deanboy2416]

black metal drummer here, been saying about 80% of things he mentioned, including playing the song exactly as written, being quieter and using the metronome (or click track). \m/

[@nOT_sURE08]

"I know EXACTLY where the match to this stick is."

[@Astromyxin]

I don't actually say, "Hey guys help yourself to my weed and beer", but it's implied.

[@jsaktube]

Lmao "I'm going to play this music exactly how it was written " Too funny

[@nOT_sURE08]

"My kick pedal has NEVER fallen apart."

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Mine hasn't. Even the cheap ones that are with the kit. If you destroy them, you have to learn how to treat your stuff :)

[@7R1KKY]

You forgot "Oh, you're tuning? Alright, I'll stop playing."

[@GastrophetDrum]

I lolled a few times. "..yeah I'll use brushes, I love Brushes." hahaha FTS...I have to buy new brushes : (

[@TanksGoInFirst]

Jared Dines called, he want's his videos back......................................

[@manifestgtr]

"did anyone see where I left the book I've been reading?"

[@alexlyster8679]

that last one i don't think anyone will ever say

[@Sighbot]

"In the words of Shakespeare..."

[@BoogsAccount]

"Does anyone need to borrow some money?"

[@nOT_sURE08]

"I'd better replace this busted head."

[@ZacMetal99]

"So I've been reading this book lately."

[@vincentfloritto473]

"So about my full time job." lol!

[@racynot]

This is my favorite video on all of KZbin.

[@krism3401]

LOL "I'm certainly not the most Talented member of the band; the bassist is" - then shoot him hahaha 🔫

[@gerardsgrill9091]

"I put too many fills in that song, as they say, less is more!" "Y'know what, imma put my shirt back on"

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Never saw a topless drummer. (Usually): thank God

[@nOT_sURE08]

"Yeah I tuned them before you guys got here."

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

So he either got there 2 hours ago or it rained and you're screwed (wood won't stay in tune)

[@ND-iz6dd]

I usually dont watch these types of videos but this one was actually funny. Keep making good videos.

thanks man. Seriously dude, its been a long while since I had a genuine laugh. That was hilarious.

[@notanyoneimportant2991]

The sarcasm is strong with this one

[@picsnation4819]

This is the funniest hing ive seen all month

[@sambeason3820]

“What do you thing about this collared shirt. I think I’ll wear it next gig instead of the wife beater, It’s more classy”.

[@gavingriffith6016]

"So I was looking at the music..." 😂😂😂😂😂 This video is amazing

[@deekerr1613]

These videos are actually very helpful and make great progress markers. I've noticed that I've been beginning to say more and more things from joke videos like these which shows how I'm improving as a musician.

[@Adam-bq6ic]

"help yourself to some of my weed" hahahaha

[@malkolmlind8598]

"3/4s is my favourite time signature." HAHA! Man that one got me cracking really hard! xD

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

I got one! Regarding pot: "No, I'm good." lol!

[@naufaladen2401]

"Oh you're tuning? I'll be quite for a while"

[@vesak988]

Well. I say most of these things.. what is wrong with me? :D

[@iisaacbailey]

When he he said go ahead and help your self to my weed I cracked up laughing 😂

[@dastuffz]

"I need to work on my rudiments" genuinely laughed out loud

[@jesusquillen5460]

"Hey guys help yourself to my weed" haha every drummers nightmare

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Because all drummers are the biggest pothead in the band, lol

[@samdunkksu2b129]

"No no I'll pay for the pizza" *pulls out a 50* xD damn that pizza straight fro. Italy

[@enderman6777]

You can see the pain in his eyes.

[@sengastar]

As someone who recently started drumming for an orchestra I relate tot this so much!

[@KitCotter]

Brilliant... I've spent 50 yrs in bands, sooo accurate... well done, man

[@wakingupfrom]

"does anyone need to borrow some money" SO FUNNY!

[@juliotironi7694]

"Metronomes are my favorites" Ughhhhhhhhhhhh xD

[@Rezbomb98]

"Go ahead an help yourself to my beer" omf, lol, glad someone mentioned it

[@Packhuffer]

"Go ahead and help yourself to my weed"

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

I think you may need a better class of lowlife. I never heard of anyone, even total strangers, not automatically offering to share. Lol

[@wyatt4932]

thanks for making me self aware

[@dredde1536]

One for this video could've been: "Where are my earplugs!?"

[@teknical100]

I am crying here, so good.

[@thebritishguys6304]

3/4 is my favourite time signature 😂

[@drumsavvy8224]

"That other drummer that fills in"😁

[@randys5568]

Both things about the bassist is something that no one in a band will say.

[@sid552]

"Damn, my snare sounds heavenly"

[@TheFreakOfNature26]

"Did I show you guys my college diploma?" "Did I show you guys my high school diploma?" Dead.

[@MysteryMan852]

''Pianissimo'' Yeh, I'm fairly certain that's every non-jazz drummers worst nightmare.

[@851852093114208513]

@ 1:00 - I think the other one there should be "I can read music" :p

[@fuzzylogiceire]

***** Lots of drummers can read music.

[@851852093114208513]

fuzzylogiceire - So can a lot of guitarists, but if you showed me a guitarist and asked me if he could read sheet music I'd guess "No."

[@MrJman910]

***** I'm a drummer and I can read music, but drum music doesn't help much unless I'm trying to play a jazz solo or something.

[@851852093114208513]

Jackson Ward - Well yeah, like, I mean a lot of drummers I know either started in a school band or played in the school's jazz band or something, so plenty of them can read music just fine, and some of them I could even print out the sheet music for drum parts I had written and give it to them before practice and they could learn their parts that way (which was AWESOME). But like, I learned drums by just playing along with CDs and stuff. I can read music, but I can't sight-read or anything because I learned theory separately from playing. I imagine most stereotypical "rock" drummers can't read music the same way that most stereotypical rock guitarists can't read music.

[@fuzzylogiceire]

I find reading very important as it allows me to understand and practice from all the educational drum books out there (Stick Control, Syncopation, etc) These would be exercises though. At this moment in time, I would struggle to sight read a full chart.

[@nOT_sURE08]

How about, "Oh sorry, are you trying to tune? Here, I'll stop playing for a second. I'll wait to practice my tom fills when you're finished."

[@528freddy]

i lost my sh*t when he said: "Ive been reading this great book lately"

[@jameskirkbydrums]

i do love click tracks though, helps me lock in and i can float around with subdivisions and displacements over it :)

[@1019nothing]

the 3/4th part got me good.

[@mschuhler]

"Hey guys, wanna see my high school diploma" golden

[@ramkoirala8685]

"The bassist is" at the final lol

[@evanmorris5311]

"I think I'm going to actually play what's on the music"never will say that in my life and never do that

[@JvdB01]

"pianissimo" wahahaaa too true!

[@x2spooky4me]

"So today I learned..."

[@justinuihlein8761]

This man is the MAN! From one Drummer to another---Thanks! Flat out GREAT!Your DW drums are most impressive.....

[@MatthewJury]

Click tracks are my favorite!

[@muscatel7803]

Things Neil Peart says.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Stuff Peart (not any other drummer) ever said: "I'll move the drums myself." And, "Just leave the PA, I'll get it."

[@podsforpods8101]

Metronomes are the key to drumming

[@kaelevi7701]

"you wanna see my high school diploma??" LOL

[@gerardsgrill9091]

This might be the funniest, and most true video, on the internet about drummers.

[@odas9274]

I sometimes say some of these, because i don't do rock drumming, i read notes

[@tylermcay6676]

"I'll sing the next bit" "I'll let the guitarist write my next bit" "I'll slow this next bit down" "I'll turn up but there is no way the rest of the band will let me down"

[@AmericanSpyFox]

unfortuanitely, Dave Grohl, made every aspiring drummer believe all you have to do is hit the heads as hard as you can.

[@TheChordstruckPony]

"Can we use a click track on this one?" I HEAR SO MANY DRUMMERS SCREAM THIS ONE TO ME "I'm gonna get piano lessons." Word that around to "can you give me piano lessons" and you'd hear it everyday.

[@mushtombofficial]

your Owen Wilson impression would be amazing

[@arkana56]

Video: ahhhhh. That's an A flat. Me: no, it´s not.

[@hastybananas1251]

The college diploma was funny abd the high school made it even funnier haha this guy is a genius

[@tylerthompson1075]

As a drummer, this is way too true

[@DrummerJulian]

i am a Drummer and i say this is great video

[@KayZee1957]

Things a guitarist never says: I think I'll get a day job so my girlfriend isn't supporting me. I can get *my* sound at a lower volume. No I don't need a capo, I can transpose. I have to keep my own time and not expect the drummer to keep me from rushing into next week. This part probably doesn't need effects. Maybe shred *is* dead...

[@technoreb4201]

I'm a drummer and I say a lot of these because I'm edgy and rebellious.