Things (some) Autistic People Do PT 10

Things (some) Autistic People Do PT 10 #socialawkwardness #socialdifferences #latediagnosedautistic #momonthespectrum #thingsautisticpeopledo

[@VisualPanther17]

Standing around awkwardly pretty much describes my whole life. 😂

[@vitordelima]

Same.

[@Keksikon]

Same

[@ScienceMom11]

I know, right?

[@rainydaylady6596]

Ditto!

[@rhondaleeahmad6988]

Ditto

[@KamillaMirabelle]

And when we try to talk, then we get the "you're are rude" gaze

[@cynthiahernandez7727]

Yes! And then I think for hours days about how I must just be like that, but I’m not like that, but I was literally just like that. But but. Whyyyyyyyy can’t I be like normal ppl? 😩

[@gavinminion8515]

@@cynthiahernandez7727 You're not like that,. It's because non-autistic people can see tiny changes in body language which mean they can slide into a conversation without anyone taking offence. We Autistic people struggle with these almost invisible signs, so we either wait forever for an opening, or accidentally butt in on somebody else's unspoken communication.

[@CtDDtC1919]

@@gavinminion8515 that is SO true! A lady at work was telling me about something in specific. I quickly realized the relevant reply, so I waited for the pause in her talking to offer my information. She got quite irritated with me and said "Can I PLEASE finish my thought?!?" I apologized and said that I assumed her pause meant that she was done. She came back at me with "I was taking a moment to find my words, and it was very rude of you to cut me off like that!" I turned to walk away. She said "Where are you going?!?" I said "I struggle with non verbal cues, so I am removing myself from the possibility of interrupting you, and the wrath it incurs." .. and I walked away. I have had this happen too many times and I am tired of beating myself up over it. I may be on the Spectrum, but I will not stand for being falsely accused of being insensitive or rude when it is just my neurology that makes me struggle with normal conversation... especially when I really really try to do better. I spent years as a child being whipped with a belt for things that were beyond my control. As an adult, I reserve the right to just walk away from people who will not at least be polite when they point out my indiscretions.

[@gavinminion8515]

@@CtDDtC1919 As a child I was called obnoxious many, many times by people just like that. As an adult I now realise it was all just projection - they were the obnoxious ones, I was the one who didn't understand that they were 'intending' to be rude. So when I behaved towards them the way they did towards me, it really irritated them..

[@sue769]

​@CtDDtC1919 I'm really glad you walked away from that lady. She sounds utterly unreasonable and she was the one who was actually being rude. Once somebody apologises, you don't keep punishing someone. Well done you 🙌. I wish I'd have been more assertive in situations like this within the workplace.

[@katt1996]

The worst part is when I do it subconsciously because "you have to wait your turn or else you're rude" and then you come back to life and realize you've been doing t-rex hands and now you look extra weird.

[@danniesue2254]

This comment made my day, I laughed so hard because I have totally done this.

[@HoszHosz]

Regulating or not, this is true. It is rude. Normies are the antisocial ones, they just can't make it nice to exist for everyone. I've never met more considerate people than adult autistic women.

[@mixedmediaartgirl300]

😂😂 not the t Rex hands

[@waffle_chair9269]

You don’t always have to wait your turn, if you are polite and excuse it first, nobody is judging you, and if they do, they aren’t worth your time anyway.

[@maiyapercy]

I didn’t even know what t-rex hands where before I was diagnosed. But now I know and yes, I am doing it. 🙂

[@tammiepulley7167]

Yes. My conversation rhythm is always 2 beats off. I wait for 1 or 2 seconds of silence to make sure current speaker is done before I speak. Then someone else jumps in.

[@Jammbrrr]

Don't even....

[@anthill1510]

I am starting to ask myself if I am autisic. Like the diagnostic criteria don`t fit me but everything she brings up does.

[@Jammbrrr]

@@anthill1510 stop

[@Ezekiielz]

@@Jammbrrrare the only words in your vocabulary variations of “stop doing that”? You tell someone who is relating the the video “don’t even”, and you tell someone trying to figure out what’s going on in their head to stop, but have _you_ ever stopped to consider that people are allowed to exist? And that if that annoys you, it’s your problem to deal with, and not theirs? To quote yourself, stop. Trolling is not a good hobby, find a better one.

[@Jesuspunkrokr]

Same!!

[@Elflady7794]

I’ve done this all my life, even with people I know to a degree. How people can just insert themselves into a conversation or talk over someone to join in is beyond my understanding

[@katc2040]

The weird thing is, when i interuppt people they make it very clear im being rude, so i dont understand what the difference is when they cut me off??

[@Elflady7794]

@@katc2040 Yeah I get that and it’s weird. Apparently there is a skill to interrupting in the right way that some just know I guess, but I have no idea what that difference is

[@koshak7910]

​@@Elflady7794 i never thought about it before but your comment made me think more deeply, what if they just find similar topics in conversation that is already going so they feel free to jump in this conversation right away without second thought whereas i just waiting to ask or to talk about something and my mind kinda focused on that thing and i don't pay attention what people talking about or even if i pay attention i can't just jump in the conversation right away so it's like moment's passed too quickly before i even ready to talk

[@sandrabekele2758]

I think it's a pecking-order thing and we somehow don't command the full status

[@mandyschwartzberg3849]

​@@sandrabekele2758This.

[@Pasteurpipette]

Oh my. I thought I didn't have the "doesn't know when to jump in" phenomenon, because I'm usually fine in conversation. But this, waiting to talk to someone... and waiting... this is so relatable.

[@fluffypenguinbabe]

Same! 😅

[@sophaloph1129]

Yep! And my a lot of family has ADHD so they never wait their turn, they can’t! 😭😭

[@cosmicrais]

In my defense, that's how I was taught to speak as a child. You have to wait your turn. I've always found it rude of others to speak when someone is obviously shouting with their eyes for a turn to speak lol

[@Anita-ws9qm]

And then before you get a chance to chime in, the topic moves on. Now it's rude to bring the conversation back. Personally I consider it rude to have a rapid back and forth conversation with another person in the room that you aren't including in the conversation despite that person participating through body language and other non verbal communication

[@lb5368]

This was me my whole life...until I took improv classes! They seriously changed my life, because in improv class I worked through my fear of being rude or butting in or going out of turn that had always plagued me since elementary school! Instead, I learned to speak before I was ready (in a safe and supportive environment of improv class). And, even when I failed miserably, it was over quickly and the next person was already doing their own scene. I HIGHLY recommend improv training to ND people for building social/interaction skills ❤

[@holleighlordel1575]

That’s great advice!

[@NiKiMa023]

My Anxiety does not allow it!!

[@plpolley]

What a great idea!

[@endTHEhegemony_Today]

Thank you for the recommend. a lot of social things don't come naturally to me at all, and you're right, the supportive environment of a class like that would be a wonderful space to train in. thanks! 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love to You!!

[@RM-hi4vv]

OMG! I started improv classes a couple years before my ADHD diagnosis. I have inattentive type. It’s helped so much with being present, dealing with shame and internalized criticism, perfectionism, and my decision paralysis. It’s an ongoing thing, but it’s been a great help! I also started when coming out of burnout and a major life changing partnership dissolution, and laughing on a regular basis with people who are all there to be spontaneous and weird and not be critical or judgey is SO AMAZING. It really helps get through some of the social fear and shame that it’s the same like 8 people being stupid with each other for a couple months of Sundays or whatever. You’re all in the same boat.

[@JanneGlass]

I so do this too. Sooo awkward. I had this the other day, but when it was finally my ‘turn’ to talk the person just turned and started walking away! I was like ‘how come you haven’t noticed me standing here awkwardly all the time waiting to speak to you?!’. Fortunately I’m assertive enough now to just follow them and grab their attention - I haven’t endured this awkwardness to just have my chance taken away from me at the end 😂

[@Kenneth_MJ]

I love this 😂. I'm working on becoming like you :).

[@shapirodeluxe]

I do this all of the time too!! It drives me crazy because I just don’t get what I’m missing. Thank you for sharing this because I feel less alone in this problem 😭

[@nicoleceplecha-lv6gl]

Same!😂

[@soniasonia2518]

What you are missing is that it may be a socially awkward moment if anyone always for a moment where there is silence. Hence, no one will just finish their thought to let you speak. It is kind of like telling everyone there that their opinion or point doesn't matter. Typically, I do 2 things in that situation: 1- join in the chit chat subject to be a part of the conversation, then ask if I can change the subject or apologize for changing it, or 2- make sure the conversation isn't timely or important, then ask if I can interrupt after a few deep breaths or fake starts to asking a question. For example: 1 - " I love Spring Time too. All of the fresh flowers invigorate me. Do you mind if I ask you about next week's schedule changes? Or 2 - other person, "last week was so warm. I just couldn't stay hydrated." Me - "Um. (Deep breath.) If they don't turn their attention to me, I say, " Can I interrupt to ask about next week's schedule changes?" Does that help? ❤

[@Padraigp]

Im not autistic and it happens me all the time. I am polite. So i wait respectfully. Others do not and they dont even notice i exist but usually the teacher appreciates the respect youve shown and the patience.

[@HeidiJohnes]

I was just talking about this the other day!!! It's like I'm invisible to people and I can't figure it out either. Makes me feel terrible about myself.

[@Padraigp]

@@HeidiJohnes its probably the reverse. Because you're feeling terrible about yourself you will naturally not be standing tall and loud and people will ignore you out of respect for that. Like how when you have a broken foot you're sort of protecting yourself and people will ignore your foot because they can see that you are protective of it. People ignore things that other people are wanting to hide. Like if you have a big spot on your nose they will try to never look at your nose. So if you are feeling invisible and bad people won't draw attention to you because you're obviously signalling to others that you feel bad and don't want to be seen. When a person feels bad sick sore tired unwell dishevelled etc people will avert their eyes. If you want attention from people you have to signal that you want attention by signalling that you'd be ok with it. This is how confident people get attention ..its also how over the top people don't get attention because sometimes someone is very loud and that can also signal that there's something wrong with the person or that they are agressive so people will also ignore very very out loud people. People ignore weakness because they know someone who is sore weak sick lacking confidence defensive protective might snap at them if they approach. Same way you wouldn't approach a load barking dog or a very nervous shy dog either. The confident friendly tail wagging signals that its ok to approach this dog. A tail tucked in or heckles raised means don't approach. We are animals and sometimes its easier for me to understand people if i think about dogs so i don't know if that helpful or if I've overexplained. But thats how i understand it. Animals are a bit easier to understand i think and they're more honest. Its easier to see a shy dog or aggressive dog or a happy confident dog. Whereas its hard to see the subtle differences in posture eye movements etc that people do to signal each other. But generally if you are feeling truly calm and confident and open to approach and more concerned with other people that self absorbed they react a lot better. It can be very hard when you are shy and feeling excluded but not realising that you are excluding yourself by focusing on yourself ... try not to think about yourself at all and just assume that you're a good person worthy of being spoken to whether anyone else realises it or not ..and hold into that confidence and then focus on the other person and making them feel comfortable and signalling clearly to them. If you stand there not clearly signalling that you wish to speak to them or get their attention and are waiting for them to psychically guess and make the first move to make you feel welcome they may not understand wtf you're doing just standing there looking at the floor frowning cos you're worrying about it all. Walk up to the person you wish to speak to..look at their face and keep your face towards them and your head in their direction ..look around a little so as not to be staring but keep coming back to them to check if they are ready to speak to you ..when the other person turns away and they both unlock their eyes from each others conversation step in and say excuse me and ask whatever it is you want to ask. Youre looking for the two people to break their engagement and also look around at others who may also be waiting to speak to the person. If you were there first before them then you should speak before they speak. If you don't speak when the opening happens cos youre not sure what to do they will step in. Just like if you were driving a car waiting for your turn. To get out in traffic when the opening comes you must drive into the space...if you don't other traffic behind you will pass you by and take the opening. Same in speaking in conversation. I think its actually very much like traffic where there are no lights and everyone has to take their opportunities. Be alert for the opening aware of what is around you signal your intentions to turn by putting on the indicator lights... indicator lights here would be looking towards the person you want to speak to... look at the other traffic thats in line and when the opening happens... ie the person is not engaged and maybe they are stopped talking but picking up their bag or yoga matt or something else then you can interject into that space. If you wsit for someone to notice that you're waiting and wave you in that is not always going to happen unless the person is very highly aware. Or a really kind experienced driver that notices your nervousness and makes a space for you. And never assume that other people are actually that aware of you st all. Most people are not highly aware. Theyre not sure either so you have to be clear. You want attention you want to be spoken to or to speak or to be looked at ...and you might find that actually you really like that you can bé invisible when you want to be.

[@catherineburton3988]

100% and when you do eventually manage to speak someone chimes in and talks over you !

[@Jmal1090]

That happens almost every time! This is why I don't bother to talk when there are 3 or more people involved. And then I probably look like a jerk for not being part of the conversation that I can't get into to begin with

[@pete1942]

Yes, I often find I wait and wait for the right point to speak and then just as I start someone else talks and everybody listens to them instead of me. Drives me nuts and makes me want to give up.

[@kathrynmurphy9959]

Every time!!

[@Brainalicious]

Or, you've been so intent on reading whether it's okay to chime in, when it does get to be your turn you forget what you were going to say in the first place.

[@autumnakins7640]

yup, all. the. time.

[@ma14.27]

Literally me! What I found out is, that if you act like you're in a rush, people aren't mad when you interrupt them and you also don't need to wait until the topic is finished. If they ask you why you're in a rush, just say therapy, nobody will ask about that.

[@sofiaaimearaoz5925]

Haha story of my life, it's been four years that I'm a mother, 4 years that I always seem to be in a rush, I'm kinda hectic, electric, jumpy,...(I absolutely hate it, have severe gut issues and lots of back and neck pain) ...BUT, as I am on the move i did notice that its easier to be heard and i feel less awkward 🤨😗

[@JaeIBe]

You you suggesting autistics casually lie?? Low-spectrum suggestion lol.

[@SENSEF]

My poor daughter is struggling with this. And it's really hard to explain when it's "interjecting" versus "interrupting." They both look the same to her and they both appear rude to her. But so many people don't pause, they literally expect others to interject or they'll keep talking to avoid silence. I didn't realize how often people do this until trying to include her in conversations to teach her how to jump in without waiting for a turn. I'm not sure it can be taught, lol. But maybe she's better off focused on people who can handle awkward silences and actually let other people talk, especially as much as my daughter LOVES to talk, once she feels it's her turn. 😉

[@resourcedragon]

"interjecting" versus "interrupting." Thank you for that. I hadn't heard of that difference before. I definitely need to find out more about it.

[@destructodanie]

I am 31 and still can't be taught this. I have a bad trait where if people don't let me speak up and keep changing the subject and context and not letting others get a word in edge wise and they don't let me talk about the limited amount of things I actually do know I will just start loudly saying them to myself. Thank God my boyfriend charges to the rescue and will be like "she has something to say. You haven't let her speak up for a while. " And I smile say thank you and will drop my little truth bombs of know how and then his sisters will continue to talk about whatever forever until I'm like UHHHHH here's the thing I have been trying to say. And it's really really frustrating when he is not there and at jobs and stuff when people don't let you ask questions when you try to ask questions and then you forget your questions and you are asked do you have any questions? And it's like YES I have dozens of questions but you continued to talk over me trying to politely interject on your clearly rehearsed rant/spiel and didn't let me ask so now I could not retain any information you just told me about because I was trying to remember my question after question. But now I know nothing and it's all your fault for ignoring every time my mouth opened and made the ugh I need to talk here interjection sound y'all do. But I'm small and female and nobody listens to me. They all want dominance over the conversation and at that point I get frustrated and don't wanna talk anymore.

[@Triss_Joy]

37 years old and I have no idea the difference…😳

[@silversugar2140]

Ohhh so it's like double-dutch (jump rope) but for talking.

[@sonoftorin]

Yes! And I get so frustrated! Eventually I start thinking someone HAS to know it’s my turn, right? Or did we stop taking turns and nobody told me?

[@iGame3D]

This is a Zumba class...so a bunch of entitled white women who will never let anyone get a word in and will ask to see a manager at the drop of a dime.

[@c.l4219]

Exactly, I find it so rude that people just jump in, talk over you and don't see that there are other people who might want to say something. And it can't be only the struggle of autistic people.... Other shy or introverted persons also get bullied away by that. How are these rude people not see this, why are they so inconsiderate?

[@handymanny7936]

I struggled with this one too. I learned this from my friend. Solution, act as if you are from Philly and just walk up saying this quickly, even in conversation and say, "sorry to interrupt but I need to have a worked with you when you are done." That way the person you want to talk to you will put you in their mental queue and prioritize you.

[@Yeyee23]

This is really good thanks! I think this would actually help a lot

[@handymanny7936]

@@Yeyee23 sometimes you do need to interrupt people. Stick these 3 things when interrupting. Be polite, quick, and to the point.

[@holleighlordel1575]

That’s great advice!

[@FringePrincess]

Fantastic tip!

[@deefee701]

That is the right way. Apologize, say you'd "like a word when you're done" or "can I speak to you when you're finished" (same thing) and move away about 2 metres but stay in eye line.

[@rainydaylady6596]

I've had that happen so many times, but does anyone else get the "I'm invisible so you can crash the conversation I'm having?" This happened to me so many times at work when I'm tlasking an important question. Then I stand there awkwardly wondering why.

[@butternutsquash6984]

What gets me is when the person I am waiting to talk to sees me and makes zero effort to acknowledge that I'm clearly waiting in line behind another person. And then, when I AM able to talk to them, they get distracted one minute into the conversation and walk away.

[@estrellaanne1589]

Yes! This happens a lot and I have no idea why.

[@plainmarienc]

Yup. It just pisses me off. >:(

[@akpopfamily907]

I have always had this problem and always felt so awkward, and I felt left out. And by the time I figure out what I want to say, and I've waited for everyone to speak, they would look at me so strangely, (how I felt) like I didn't belong and shouldn't be speaking. I am extremely observant as well, always analyzing the situations. Thank you for talking about this and you've made me feel less alone.

[@awkwardemily15]

YES! When I finally can add my two cents it gets super quiet and the stares... I swear what I'm saying relates to the topic and I'm not giving paragraphs of explanation.

[@saraparks5212]

Yes!

[@chris...9497]

Reminds me of double-dutch rope skipping. Two people turn a rope between them and a third jumps in trying not to get tripped up while jumping the rope. Sometimes it's as hard to know when to jump into a conversation as it is to know when to jump gracefully into a turning jump rope.

[@awkwardemily15]

@@chris...9497 the same for single rope. I had to count myself in I don't know how many times 😂😅 Kudos to know how to double Dutch! Great analogy!

[@dakunskye]

This happens to me frequently in any environments. Oftentimes I'll be standing in the circle of conversation with my mouth hanging open, trying to indicate that I'm trying to say something when there's an appropriate social Gap, and someone else will continue to talk. And I feel like I'm a fish face.

[@gavinminion8515]

This is very true, and it stems from us having a hard time understanding gestures, body language, tone of voice etc... When people are having a conversation, they make tiny signs to invite others in, perhaps a glance in the direction of one person. Perhaps an intonation that another person is able to speak. We struggle with understanding these signs, so we wait for a more obvious invitation. Eventually, the person we want to talk to decides we are just staring at them, so carries on the conversation with others. Then we eventually try and speak - now 'uninvited' and it appears rude.

[@larissastauffer]

Oh my word I never realized this is how it works but I think you might be right and this spells out why we struggle so well... It never occurred to me that body language/unspoken signals/cues are what is governing these situations but in retrospect idk how it didn't occur to me 🤯

[@goneawayxx]

an intonation????? why tf cant they just stfu and let me talk😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@auroralaroux]

I’ve had this exact same thing happen! Most people aren’t super observant, so they probably don’t even notice us standing there feeling awkward. Thanks for sharing!

[@MSunhee]

This is me exactly and I ended up just giving up. My “friend group” in high school got so used to just me being silent that whenever I did actually try to talk they would continue to ignore me as if I were a ghost or something

[@audreydoyle5268]

To add insult to injury would be when you'd tell a joke that would usually make one person laugh when you're talking one on one, but no one seems to hear it in the group, so you repeat it, they say "we heard you," and then someone else says the same joke literally seconds later with the most awful delivery, and everyone cracks up at your original joke 😢

[@mamobee]

I'm not autistic but I have this problem too, I photograph event occasionally and bc of this it makes it so hard for me to find the right moment to interrupt convos to ask to take a picture even tho it's my job and people know I'm there to take pictures 😅 it's why I don't shoot events a lot

[@holleighlordel1575]

At my job I learned that the people who had no qualms about interrupting my work to tell me something actually respected me more when I finally got up the nerve to act the same way towards them instead of politely waiting my turn. I felt so uncomfortable being so interruptive but it got the results I wanted! I eventually got past my own feelings and it became more natural. It was an interesting life lesson to learn: it’s okay to interrupt the interrupters because that’s their “language.”

[@robinblossom5197]

Interrupting nuanced. Many tasks can be interrupted without issue and returned to. Reading the situation or asking can I interrupt you is good too.

[@SaraYW35m]

I suppose with some people, you might have to just play their game. But it seems sad to me that society may have lost some good manners at some point in time, and there are a few people who were taught and understood the value of waiting paitently to speak because then you can actually listen. Other people may not be fully listening they are thinking of the next thing to say and impulsively open their mouths, it has become so common it may even be a "cultural norm" now, but I have embraced this kind of awkwardness about me because of my values. I'm not going to conform to the majority when it's about something I value.(manners, listening, enough room to breath before speaking, like the period at the end of a sentence)

[@holleighlordel1575]

@@SaraYW35m Well said. I wish more people thought like you. There definitely is a cultural component. The people I’m thinking of grew up in a different culture where it’s normal to be bold & loud, as far as I could tell. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@elizabethwilkinson1272]

This is definitely me. I always feel like people are talking around me instead of with me😢

[@practical_jen5864]

I do this all the time. Mostly because I was told that I always center the conversation around myself or make things irrelevant statements. But I see other people do this too so then I’m confused as to when or if it’s even appropriate to talk. And why is it ok for other people to do so, but I’m often criticized or called out.

[@katc2040]

I have the same experience. Part of me thinks that they just subconsciously can tell we're different and "weird" so they see it differently.

[@felicityjohnston9276]

​@@katc2040 they can immediately tell. yet they never bother to help us figure shit out they just expect it not to hurt AND to know wtf to do.

[@resourcedragon]

I might have been known to be a teensy, tiny bit rude if I've indicated I am in the queue and people start pushing in, i.e. interrupting, ahead of me. I find that they can then be a bit sheepish when they realise that they are in the wrong.

[@felicityjohnston9276]

@resourcedragon I've been spoken over my whole damn 32 years of life to the point where when I was with my mama a few months back I was with her my youngest little brother and our cousin aka mamas niece and she had me sit in the back for her I did so fine but while I started telling mama something she ignores me and my cousin then starts talking to her. I tried again and they yet again cut me off. I got so mad bec WTF that I spoke loudly " mom!" and she yelled at me angry " WHAT?!" and then my cousin spoke more and my mama goes " I thought there was a fucking car! you had me scared don't do that!". I just glared at her to the rear view mirror. normally if I startled her I'd say I'm sorry but I didn't say anything. bec I DID NOT DESERVE to be spoken over when they could have waited a few seconds for me to finish my God damn sentence. so no,don't bother feeling bad if someone cuts you while you're in line and you give them flack for it. they deserve to act sheepish. we already bend too much to what people want from us and them not give a lick about how we feel about ANYTHING,they can sit with a little discomfort for a few minutes.

[@lindsayk1815]

Sometimes if I have to wait too long to talk to someone I will just leave😅. The awkward feeling is too strong!

[@AcrosticBinbag]

Same

[@Evija3000]

This standing around awkwardly acting like I'm part of the conversation describes like 20% of my time spent in school, then 70% was me not even trying and 10% was me actually feeling comfortable with one other person. And regarding jumping into a conversation, for ages I thought waiting for others to finish is just the polite thing to do and also got confused when I realised most of the society doesn't follow it and nobody sees an issue with it the vast majority of time.

[@Jmal1090]

Yes! I had a few hurtful labels and assumptions put on me because I would hardly talk to anyone (besides the few friends I did have, which was seldom). People that don't understand seem to dislike people that don't talk, and have to come up with reasons why, even if they aren't true.

[@Evija3000]

@@Jmal1090 I was lucky to for the most part not get bullied growing up, but there were occasional jokes made about me being quiet. I also got a weird comment recently from a university group mate about me being asleep instead of studying. She's the specific personality type (ceo, go-getter, type A) that I've learned gets easily annoyed by me.

[@pattyofurniture]

At my first parent teacher night I was ignored because the teacher mistook me for a student. You just described my experience perfectly. I cried about it as soon as nobody could see me.

[@NoxAtlas]

I can relate to this so much. I always get really nervous because I'm trying to figure out "What am I supposed to do now?" Maybe it's just because many autistic people (including myself) faced so much criticism for doing something inappropriate during our childhood or failed to read social cues that were subconsciously thinking we're doing something wrong or we don't meet expectations when we just stand there. That's at least how I interpret this dilemma. I could be wrong, though.

[@eceamo]

I do this all the time, I know I look weird but I don’t know what else to do.

[@manyBlessings2all]

This has happened to me many times! ~ "standing around awkwardly" because you (we) are polite & other people are rude & non-observant.. thank you for describing this and for your wonderful company in these uncomfy experiences ! ❤

[@ourhome505]

This happens to me frequently. I can't seem to figure out how to break into a conversation gracefully and without interrupting.

[@CrojoJojo]

I totally di this al the time . I recently decided I had to stop doing this but now I just jump in awkwardly and it seems like everyone just turns at the same time and gives me the "you are so rude" stare! I'm beginning to think nothing is that important to talk about. I'm going back to not talking to people 😢

[@moxyalternis2016]

I have that exact problem with my family. I just end up getting scolded by my dad for interrupting people.

[@ladydixon9651]

Omg this has always happened to me - even earlier today it happened and I was so frustrated! I was waiting to talk to a librarian to get something printed and she was engaged in conversation with two other librarians. So I waited and waited and waiting. After ages hovering awkwardly I just called a mental time out on their conversation and politely butted in. How do people do this sort of behaviour endlessly?!

[@jsfoster100]

Amazing! That has happened to me forever. I will be standing in line for -whatever- and when I get to the front the salesperson will look beyond me to the person behind me and ask them what they want. I have gotten over being at a Loss for words.., a get slightly aggressive. Which I don’t like.

[@nicolemitchell1999]

I feel this SO hard! I ALWAYS feel like that awkward person waiting and just end up leaving most of the time because when I eventually did get to speak someone else came up and he walked away. Idk how important it was but I haven’t had the courage to ask him anything again.

[@fitcoachmarshall4310]

I do the same thing very often, have my entire life. Many times I never get to say what I wanted to say/ask and other times I have psychologically create an opening for discussion and most of those times are very blunt, quick, and taking charge of the conversation. I’ve noticed it has to do with how much structure any given situation/conversation requires and if anyone in the conversation already meets those criteria. There are those that manage conversations, some that take over, and times no one is in control and conversation is just chaotic and usually filled with regret of things heard rather than thoughtfully discussed.

[@katc2040]

I always hate the kind of people that always take over a conversation. but it irritates me more that everyone lets them, especially if its someone everyone generally doesnt like.

[@dragonthewolf8106]

I do this. I do this so much. It’s so frustrating when you can’t find an opening in the conversation or just a break for you to chime in, so you just stand there waiting because you don’t want to be rude and interrupt someone else or you just don’t know how to interject yourself into the conversation but everyone else around you seems to be able to do it just fine and you’re just standing there waiting and wondering how other people are able to just hop in with no problem at all

[@mollythurmon8711]

Omg I feel this! Especially in that context...I always want to go talk to teachers and presenters and it's SO awkward.

[@humbelduff2916]

I do this all the time! It’s super annoying when you have something to say about a topic, but you awkwardly wait for your turn to speak, and suddenly we’re on a different topic.🙃

[@Nirosha101]

*That’s why I don’t like talking in a group setting, I prefer one on one.I wait for everyone else to leave if I have to talk to a particular person. Group talking dynamics are weird lol unless it’s a public speaking thing where I know I’m expected to talk and everyone is listening lol*

[@nicoleclifford7879]

This totally me. And I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and from this observation stance, I see no one else acting like or looking like me waiting to jump into the conversation. THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one!

[@kristenjoyce7506]

YOU ARE NOT THR ONLY ONE!!! GOD BLESS YOU FROM BOSTON!! I’m 45. Never understood myself, no one ever bothered to understand me. In my head, I’ve always thought “well, if I don’t interrupt YOU, why the heck do you think it’s ok to interrupt me?! It’s a beautiful relief to realize that there are others like me. I won’t wasted more space depicting the reality that “The Real” of us live. XO

[@bgariss123]

I scare people when I’m waiting for them to finish something before trying to talk to them. Then they look up and realize I’ve been standing there and freaking out out😂

[@angelplaysyt3095]

I did this my whole life and saaaaaame. My mom got so pissed off once cause i was in line to get an autograph and the kids just kept going in front of me even though there was a lineup and dragged me to the front to get my book signed xD

[@malittlekitteh]

OMG THANK YOU, this is me and my exact thought process around it. I don’t have an autism diagnosis but I do have ADHD and I wonder if I might be on the spectrum as well. In any case, it feels like I missed class on the day they taught everyone how to join a conversation when others are already talking and how to spot the appropriate moment to interject so I’m not just left standing there awkwardly spectating. Sometimes I just end up walking away thinking I’ve stood there too long and now I probably just seem like a creepy spectator/eavesdropper. 😕

[@elizabethivy1337]

I tend to overthink the timing and end up waiting awkwardly myself. I finally realized that you don't have to try too hard to find the "right" timing to jump in for most scenarios. Interrupting isn't usually taken the wrong way nearly as much as I thought it was. My guess is that NT people aren't thrown off by interruptions quite so much because of executive functioning differences. If I get interrupted, I'm likely to completely forget what it was I was doing prior to the interruption unless there's some sort of visual/contextual reminder.

[@bashfulmuse5728]

Oh my goodness yes. This is absolutely something that happens to me on pretty much a daily basis

[@cosievee]

No, it’s not just you! I’m standing there with you! 😊

[@riolunadraws]

when I stand around awkwardly I always try to find a person I'm close with to follow them/copy them. really helps to feel less awkward

[@woodruffmd]

Cripes!! I do that and never understood why. Over the years I convinced myself that I was raised that way but I can't recall any such training.

[@aliciaparker4940]

Omg - This totally describes me waiting around for my turn while everyone just jumps in...

[@themustardseedfarm9570]

I think it’s because we militantly follow rules, and when we were growing up in school, we were told to wait our turn to talk, and it was very very rude and disruptive to interrupt. I would argue that it is still very rude and disruptive to interrupt, and it would be much more respectful to everyone if we all took turns, but no one seems to care about the feelings of others or be respectful of their time. Maybe it’s just my autistic brain boiling everything down to it’s bassist form, but it just seems like selfishness to me. also whenever I have tried to do the polite interrupting thing I have actually been told by people that I’m being rude, so yeah, I can’t find the middle ground.

[@katc2040]

Agreed so hard😂 ❤ Most people are super selfish and rude

[@DanKoenigJr]

Omg this is my life! I’m so glad it’s not just me. Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed at the store and I’m trying to remember what I’m doing people look at me funny then I realize I’ve been motionless for several minutes.

[@AcrosticBinbag]

This will sound stupid, but it's actually never occurred to me that the reason my mind will blank and, yeah, i might need to literally stop and take a minute or two to "regroup" when i'm in a shop (i'll usually pretend i'm looking at some groceries), could be due to overwhelm. So thanks for the comment.

[@DanKoenigJr]

@@AcrosticBinbag no problem! I’m just glad there are others out there who are just like me

[@just_.b.]

this infuriates me so much, like im right here!! do none of you see me?? its always so clear that im waiting to get my word in too. and its a clear “i dont care about what you have to say” when people physically sidestep in front of me to get their word in first

[@amandafee9674]

It's called wait your turn. Most ppl just don't think

[@awesomeness6252]

You are not the only one. That’s me every time in these situations

[@jbug884]

Me! In the end I feel like everyone just hates me and is deliberately ignoring me. That’s when I jump in and can appear rude, then I’ll spend hours analysing what was said, and start disliking those people involved. This leads me to avoid these situations all together and become isolated 😢

[@malittlekitteh]

I just realized I need people like you in my life so we can stand around awkwardly together 🙂❤

[@leahmariahauck3499]

I totally know this feeling! I'm struggling with that sooo often - with online meetings it became worse, because people end the meeting and are gone before I could say what I wanted. It's so frustrating

[@Dock76]

I've done this. I'll sit there forever. Sometimes, people will beat me to it and say what I was wanting to say. I've also noticed that I'll think it's my turn to talk, I'll start talking, then someone will start nattering on again. I'm so bad at navigating situations.

[@jakubgrzybek6181]

THE STRUGGLE IS SO REAL, like when can I jump in... I don't want to be awkward and cut someone mid sentence... thankfully many of my close friends notice when I want to say something and give me my turn.

[@mariagusman6949]

Oh I experienced this!! It’s one of the most confronting things I consistently go through each workday. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Localfriendlyanarchist]

I experience this a lot too. I also get "ignored" for not forcing my communication onto others. So much so that it has contributed s lot to my communication trauma. Usually I just walk away without doing the communication bit. I take the attitude of "fuck em. I got better things to do than be ignored by plain brains". If the communication i need to do is important i will force myself to interrupt. Channeling my frustration into indignantly pointing out how I am being ignored or pushed past as part of that communication. That can really piss people off, but as a person who has had a late diagnosis I can't make excuses to myself anymore for apologising for my autism

[@Dejoblue]

This often gets conveyed as an ADHD issue of not listening to others and simply waiting to speak; but I am listening to them; the things I have to say fall by the wayside as I listen to them and have new things to say lol; but it usually goes over the therapists head that it isn't ADHD, but a different issue.

[@EmiEve3]

Girl I resonate with this so much. We're trying to be respectful and wait our turn because we'd appreciate that behavior back, but others don't think twice about it. It seems there's just never 2 of us being awkward at the same place and time 😂

[@marissazerod3629]

I experience this all the time! If I wait patiently to long, they walk away like I was standing there for nothing.

[@angellove2911]

I also have the great problem of "if i dont spit it out, ill lose the thought"😂

[@immabonsai9659]

Thank you so much for your videos! I relate so much and we’re not alone

[@l4m3frogggaming26]

I experienced this at work a lot... Every time we had training or new recipes introduced, I always try to hunt for those social cues on when/how to interact with my surperior... (Im awaiting diagnosis as we speak) but the way you described being painfully aware of how awkward you must look, is the part that got me... It makes me not ask questions that I have

[@Lauriah7]

Omg this is so me!! I feel exactly awkwardly in those situations. All I'm trying to do is to be polite and social but it somehow has the opposite effect. Personally i hate it when someone is jumping in while I'm talking to someone so i try to be considered of that with other people.

[@lilmisfit]

My life is basically one long strand of moments where I’m just standing around awkwardly 😅

[@roro3793]

I have this problem also. It's much worse in online conversions like on zoom

[@symphony4037]

I do this too, and when I do try to chime in am usually spoken over or it’s as if I didn’t speak.

[@Arthur-yf9yv]

This is very much me. Trying to talk to someone when they’re talking to other people as well is SO HARD. It seems like everyone else is way better at finding the pause in conversation, and I can’t tell when it’s coming until I’ve missed it.

[@rayemillington902]

Yes!!! I do this!!!! Gosh it's so hard to tell when to speak 😅

[@globochicken]

Totally with you on this. I experience it weekly at dog training where I’m the student and I see students feeling it when at work where I’m the teacher

[@jessec5091]

I do this aaaalllllll the time. And then it gets to a point where I don't know if it's more awkward to continue standing there waiting or to leave when I've obviously just been standing there awkwardly for an excessive amount of time.

[@withheldformyprotection5518]

Yes, me too. Also, can you please put these into a playlist to make them easier to rewatch and share?

[@RinniePere]

The waiting is the hardest part. I feel you there!!

[@grace_leannemae2]

i do this too, but because of chronic anxiety lmao. i am constantly scared, in multiple situations, of doing something wrong. this happens when we have to choose our seats in class too, especially when i dont know anybody. the teacher is just like "sit anywhere, its not that hard" and im like "but i dont kNOW ANYBODY" but thats just one situation off the top of my head

[@RareInTheHistory]

Yes! This is 100% me. And if I try to jump in, I either get a look or a straight up "you interrupted me" as if everyone else didn't do the exact thing. So I try to avoid conversations in groups and really only have 1 friend I plan to do stuff with. Everyone else I feel like I can't relax around them.

[@bethysbarn]

This is me 😭 I thought it was just cuz I have no clue how to talk to anyone so I’m always just awkwardly lurking 🤦‍♀️

[@Whoever68]

I thought this only happened to me. I didn’t even think it happens to anyone else. I want to cry right now.

[@naaaaaaatalieeeee9620]

Happens to me all the time. Its always so hard to tell when someone else is done speaking.

[@misslogical90]

Your experience is extremely relatable. Doesn't suck any less but at least none of us are alone in that experience. ♥️ Be gentle and kind with yourself.

[@clairerockwell4165]

Standing Around Awkwardly: A Memoir . Yeah this is my life

[@htmc2022]

You were the only polite person at your Zoomba class! I have experienced this - not necessarily an autistic person’s characteristic - waiting politely - maybe feeling awkward is - but why feel awkward - you are not the rude person. Usually, eventually, I get frustrated waiting and join in on one of the interloper’s conversations! If they can butt in and not respect the line that is forming then they can have their conversation interrupted. They usually turn & stare but I smile & continue on and get the topic around to what I wanted to say 15 minutes before a bunch of rude-necks disregarded the waiting line! ❤

[@recoveringsoul755]

You're not the only one. When I try to talk, I'm so quiet that others act like they don't hear me, or talk over me or just interrupt. There are times I get so frustrated that I raise my hand like a kid in a classroom. Trying to signal that I have something to say. I do this when im in court because i don't know how else to handle it.

[@claireschweizer4765]

Nah this is me every single day, either that or interrupting the shit out of people..no in-between 😭

[@thomasferranti6736]

Boy can I relate. I wish everyone was polite and considerate and orderly. And when they're not it makes me the awkward one.

[@randomaccessmemories8912]

This happens to me a lot. Its upsetting when i’d be waiting to speak to my instructor at school and i’d be standing there waiting my “turn” for like 20 minutes and people would just walk up and chime in and acted like I wasn’t even there and didn’t notice I was waiting patiently. If I ever see someone standing around and I’m not sure if they’re in line I always, always ask.

[@johntwigg3714]

This is where the internet is a great invention. Allowing people to share traits so others may not think it’s just them. Thank you for sharing. 👏👏

[@alexpeters7987]

OMG i go through this EVERY time i need to talk to my workout instructor.... sometimes i feel like he's intentionally ignoring me, but then i remind myself that I'm the awkward autistic one.... and my analysis is that it certainly has something to do with eye contact which I still struggle with, so yea. ... 😂😅 i feel you!

[@craigcarter400]

💯 I am trying to remember a time in my 40 years where that hasn’t happened lol. Unless it was with with other ND people (ADHD, ASD, etc)

[@sherimohammed9360]

I don’t know why this gave me a really sad realization about many of the social interactions I’ve had- but thanks for explaining this because I absolutely thought I was the only person.

[@user-cf1fd2wz5y]

Yup. There’s this incomprehensible back and forth and I never ever get it right. If I interrupt then it’s rude. When others do it it’s natural. I’m 53 and I STILL can’t do this 😂😂😂

[@warriormamma8098]

I never know when it’s ok to talk. I either accidentally interrupt bc I thought someone was done and ppl just ignore me or I wait forever and give up

[@lennon_the_lemon2624]

THATS LITERALLY MEE, I relate to this on a daily constant basis. I almost never get to tell someone I wanted to say. Now I forget so much, including my own thoughts from seconds ago or as saying it, so while waiting I'm struggling to remember, and by the rare times I could have talked, I didn't because I forgot. I also have a lot of anxiety on top of many disorders, so I struggle to find the perfect sentence, and needs time too even feel comfortable to talk. Allllll of this combined I barely talk, and end up becoming people's therapist. My Partner has helped me a lot with my vocal struggles, and I back her up in Strength and physical ways, slowly learning to words and set boundaries ect. 💚✨️