sigh...cheek biting

Absolutely I rub my forefinger and thumb together when in public. Or I pick bumps in my hair when in a ponytail.

Nobody respects my boundaries and everyone thinks I hate them and I’m at the point where I’m too exhausted to care. If I explain myself and you don’t hear me then I guess I hate you.

I think it's because autistic people might think physically. Pacing, rocking and talking to myself are an important part of how I think.

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Had to laugh at myself--" we're nearby and thought we would drop in"--OMGODNO! Just attended my 50th high school reunion. "You always had to bow out and go practice piano or write or something" they all agreed. After being diagnosed at 66, I now know what that was! Great to have a language around it. Thank you. P.S. I was also a homecoming queen! People pleaser, masker, dear undiagnosed young woman; I love her now.😊 Thank you!

Omg, yes! I do this

I grew up north Texas around people with strong Texan drawl. After leaving the area for South Texas I found if I met someone who talked like that I would start speaking in a drawl. Had to watch it because I did not want them to think I was making fun of them

Oh and also I don't mind the term "neurospicy" because one of my special interests is chilli peppers and I like being associated with chilli peppers, but I tell you what I absolutely CAN'T STAND when people use the word "spicy" for a non family friendly word. I have to correct them every time and tell them not to say that.

"I have autism too, it's not an excuse to act like that"

Did you get that job?

Not me rocking and popping my fingers while listening to this! 😅

It's not really covert, but could deep sighing be a stim? I used to do this all of the time (it feels good), but doing it irritated a certain someone I was with for over 25 years, and it wasn't until I finally left the relationship, that I realized I had suppressed the urge to do it all these years. I can do it openly now and it feels SO good to deep sigh again! I would also rub the tip of my nose with my fingertips, up, down, up, down, up (had to always be like that and three ups and two downs), which drove him nuts and he eventually broke me from doing it. I haven't started that again, but I guess I'd do it subconsciously most of the time and until he'd yell at me for doing it, I didn't realize I was even doing it. 😢

Yes! My bfs mom told him, oh just nervous energy bla bla bla, NO ITS NOT THAT WHEN ITS 24 7 SHARON! thankyou for your vids!!

Oh my gosh, "what have you been doing?" is a trigger one for me. I HATE that question. Mostly because I've just been immersing myself in my interests and I feel like a person in my life (in my household) is guilt tripping me over not being "more productive." -And I HATE how they ask me, "how are you today?!" They don't even care! And even if I'm not fine, I'm still supposed to smile and say, "Oh, just great! How about you?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!! It drives me absolutely insane. WHY do we ask people how they're feeling as a greeting? It just doesn't make sense. That should be if you really know them too, because honestly, it's none of our business!

Ugh, the follow through is hell. I can do all the prep OR all the work but NOT both.

thanks for such an easy to understand explanation, the bad part is that most covert stims begin as a way of *masking* and trying to pass as NeuroTypical i thought _FOR YEARS_ that i didn’t stim publicly, then realised i touch my fingers slowly and softly one by one and press a bit harder near the nails , wherever I'm worried or trying to think fast of more than 2 things at the same time. 😅🤦🤷

Best stims are those that aren't hand, bcz you can do them when working (generally)

Most of these resonate with me.

In my experience (I'm 66, diagnosed as Asperger at 58/9) the treshold for adults to get a proper diagnosis is so much higher! Partly cause the ppl themselves are grown in their adaptive state, combined with fear of being labeled as autistic or something else. On the other hand, picking up possible signs for autism among health care professionals? Underdeveloped! Very much! This study shows this and the need for improvement. Thank you, mom-on-the-spectrum. Very good job.

There are many forms of “demand avoidance” but “Pathological Demand Avoidance” is different and not all “demand avoidance” is “PDA”. PDA seems to be a stronger more visceral nervous system activation into fight/flight (survival mode) from demands - both direct and indirect demands. So while no one likes being told what to do, most people don’t get stuck UNable to do the thing when someone tells you to. Most of us comply our way through regular school, for example. I absolutely hated school, but I not only got through it but actually graduated top of the class DESPITE hating every minute of high school. I am not PDA. I hate being told what to do, but I can let it go and move on if it’s something trivial and no real imposition to me. My son, however, is a PDAer, and he was extremely reactive to the demands of school.

very resonant with me.

I have spent a lot of time pondering this the last couple years as we've figured out our ND family. My youngest daughter has been strong in this throughout her life, and so has her dad. I was so happy to see another ASD channel reinforce what I'd stumbled on: asking for help. Rather than demanding XYZ get done, I say "mom really needs your help. Can you help me?" Or "I'm feeling really overwhelmed by our short XYZ and really need your help getting ready. Can you do XYZ so we can be on time?" These have been game changers for getting to school and being better connected overall. With kids and husband. Not only is it more harmonizing, but it creates the autonomy they need as they get to choose. And me owning up on my demands as overwhelm helps me to assess social norms I want to keep, and adjust or plan better for next time. I'm so grateful for this channel and more awareness in general!! It saved my marriage and my family. ❤

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I noticed I'm either hypercompliant or demand avoidant, no in between.

I'm still trying to recover from Thanksgiving 😢

nobody that is not neurodiverse knows what alexthingimagic means …

This has gotten me to tears too. I'm 47 years old and it makes me feel like I do matter. 8 don't know for sure yet but I'm checking in to resources to be tested. I've always said I crazy beautiful but and now I know I have a beautiful mind. I've been researching for a day and a half now. The understand that I'm not crazy but just think differently. You mention a book that you really enjoy and I'd like to know the name of book and the author so if anyone remembers please post it here in my comment

Thank you for sharing! So much of this resonates with me

Thank you. I feel so much relief watching your video. I figured it out two days ago (at 27) and I’ve felt everything from “coming home” to myself and thinking “oh I love me!”, to feeling terrified over what this means about myself.. Somehow now I feel like it’s alright to go through this process and really enjoy getting to know who I am. “One thing at a time.”

If i had known meltdowns could look as mundane as zoning out and picking at your skin, i probably wouldnt have suffered w imposter syndrome for the last 3 years as a self diagnosed autistic. I thought i only had a meltdown a couple of times in my life, like the time i got so frustrated i went into a white hot rage and whacked the ground with a broom until it snapped in half. Shutdowns? Yes, but meltdowns, no not me. Now i realize i need to reevaluate my conception of what a meltdown actually is.

You have perfect wording and examples

They also never seem to look at the responses on some of those questionnaires. I don't think anyone ever asked me about my high marks on depressive symptoms.

Had a therapist constantly telling me I live from my emotions and that it rules my day. I kept telling her half the time I don’t even know my emotions!! She just didn’t get it. It’s this. This. Processing time.

I am not looking forward to the IQ test part. That's gonna bring back a lot of bullshit from childhood. It's gonna feel like my intelligence is on the line all over again. I had to take so many cognitive tests as a kid and the conclusion was always "Yeah there's definitely something wrong with you! Couldn't tell you what it is though :/ Sorry!" Didn't even get my ADHD diagnosis until I was 14 even though I was tested far before that age and had all the symptoms to a significant degree. They somehow just missed it. I don't trust that the people evaluating me will believe me or listen to me. I've typed 20 pages so far though of supporting evidence that I'm autistic, including co-occurring conditions, and I've sorted all of the points into categories, but using my own categories, because I don't like how they categorize some symptoms and I think my own system would be more correct. I want to put the pages in a binder and color-code each section and put medical records, report cards, and any other relevant information in there. I want to make it as clear and easy as possible, and I know I'm probably gonna debate whoever is evaluating me and reject the framing of a lot of questions or say that they're worded poorly or not detailed enough, so I want to be able to present the information I think is relevant on my own terms.

neurotypical people live on a 0-100 scale, (he went from zero to 100 real quick) i casually spike to 760.

Can demand avoidance also happen when something is planned, especially as events or activities are planned during the holiday season, and even if I want to participate I feel that I would rather run or disappear or get very angry than be involved? These are traditional group or family musts with a set way of doing them and though they could be non-optional, no one really thinks of them as such. I want to enjoy them but I freak out because of the "demanding," rigid, have-to feeling they give me.

I really appreciate you posting these and helping me feel more seen especially during this time of year when there are so many expectations and no how matter how much I want to enjoy the holidays, it seems as though every Neurodivergent Trait I have is sky high!

I can’t do as much, or as fast, as other people can. I get overwhelmed and confused. I have to think things through. Trying to force me to go faster than I can, or do more than I can, will just result in a big mess, which I know I will then be blamed for and called “defiant” or whatever. So, I refuse to try to do more than I can, so at least there isn’t a big mess. Lots of people are just never happy with me, because I seem “smart” and they equate that with being able to do everything fast. That’s not how it always works… 🙄

I cant describe a thing about me, not even a negative I also hate the words "Cope" & "Deal with it" I am clueless why.

There are alot of things neurotypical folk say that are hurtful... Like: what a wrong with you?!.... I've learned that different doesn't mean "wrong" as a kid I didn't know that. But this is the latest thing I heard from a neurotypical person... I was telling a cousin that I've discovered I am autistic. I said , I've been told it's hereditary, but it's on my Das side and you're on Mom's side so you don't need to worry about it. She says : I know I'm not autistic! I'm not stupid, I'm smart! 🥴 Oh yeah, we're supposed to be dumb, for a moment there I forgot. 😊

Love the "words are hard today". I'm going to use this more. ❤

wait but this one doesn’t freak me out, i love icebreakers 😭

The minute you tell me not to, or even worse, that I *can’t *….well, watch me.

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You can’t make me pay attention to this video. I wanted to, but now I can’t. 😊

That used to be called not liking to be bossed around.

I used to continuously fail to follow instructions in the workplace

I relate to all of these except the communication in writing and not being girly. I love having female friends. I find that I laugh even when I don’t get the joke and I make my eyes look smiley so I fit in. I didn’t realize this was autism. I thought maybe I’m just too literal and don’t get jokes easy. Is there anywhere I can find out what it is I’m going through? I also think when I flirt, I say… I like cheese… or talk about fart jokes. 🤦🏽‍♀️