Things To Know BEFORE You Date a Type 2

[@meeyang111]

I know title says "dating." Lol. But I have a few examples from marriage, lol. Putting gas in our car is greatly appreciated. But other examples of acts of kindness are: picking up the kids toys so I don't step on them at night, doing the dishes if ur the last to eat, putting leftovers in the fridge if ur last, putting the tools you took out back in their home (per Marie Kondo). Lol. But everything you said about sharing food felt fully accurate! Lol. Thanks for another amazing video!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Love these examples!!

[@infpanaisluciacomedy]

As a Type 2, THANK YOU for this video! It's pretty accurate for me. I would also add HUGS! Lots and lots of hugs! I can never get enough hugs from someone I'm dating! It really helps to make me feel loved and appreciated.😊

[@ArcaneGinger]

Hugs are the best!! But I'm also enfp so they are extra awesome lol.

[@AbbeyHowe]

yay! so happy it was helpful to you! P.S. ALL THE HUGS

[@fudgesolo6352]

I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE VIDEO YET BUT THE SANDWICH METHOD IS PERFECT💗 I just recently told my mother, 'I can handle criticism I just need you to remind me that you still love me afterward.'😂

[@heritage.home.crochet]

The food thing...hardcore! I get the most hurt when I make dinner (everything from SCRATCH) and my husband is like...not really hungry right now. I slowly die inside. And, I LOVE that when we're eating out, he always feeds me the first bite of his food before he starts eating. I literally melt 🫠.

[@catesecora140]

As a type 6 married to a type 2, all of this makes sooo much sense!! One of my favorite things about my husband is how well he takes care of me, and being a type 6, I need to be reassured and feel secure! I’ve learned to share whatever I’m eating with him and we also both hate when plans are canceled last minute 🤪

[@brandonmccord7360]

This is great! Speaking as a male Type 2 w 3, we definitely love to show acts of service. We want to take care of our partner's needs. With this, one thing I've learned to challenge myself to do is to advocate for my own needs. I think as a male and being inundated by culture saying "men aren't supposed to be needy or emotional, and we're here to only provide" has done a lot of damage to a lot of guys. Also being a very extroverted 2, I definitely relate to the high value of community and groups of friends. If you date a Two, and can only value one-on-one time then this could be an issue... especially if there are deep personal insecurities about how and why your Two partner enjoys spending dedicated time with many other people than you. CAUTION FOR TWOS: Because of how we Twos think we're more susceptible to getting into codependent relationships specifically taking on the role of caretaker. This is not healthy. I'm speaking from experience. Many type Twos may have had codependent or narcissistic parents and were taught very young that we weren't allowed to have our own needs. It's easy to keep this track of mind when understanding love as something transactional. "Based on how you serve your family or parents, determines the amount of affection/care you receive." You had to serve others in order to receive love. This was a means for survival to get your needs met as a kid and isn't sustainable for mature emotionally-healthy adult relationships. For Twos, take dedicated time to ask yourself what YOU want? What do YOU need? Allow yourself to sit in this, even though a lot of people (many who said they loved you) rarely let you take hold of this space. You gotta be brave enough to communicate your honest needs and wants even if it brings rejection! This has been transformative for all my relationships with fam, co-workers, etc, etc. Lol at me being a Two trying to help other Twos out there!

[@heritage.home.crochet]

I totally agree. I have to stop thinking of unconditional love in terms of "I did this for you, now you must do this for me." As well as seeing that rejection is sometimes the side effect of standing up for myself, creating boundaries and being the squeaky wheel for once.

[@ronancelia]

This is actually so helpful for my life in this moment, thank you!

[@bbhdd6181]

This made me feel SO seen and understood as a 2. You did an amazing job with this Abbey!. My only exception is that I was an only child so sharing food is not something that is up there on the list for me lol, but if someone offers for me to share their food, even if I say no, I still definitely take it as a sign of love :')

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you so much! And I can understand the sharing food being VERY subjective 😂

[@brandonbreaux1296]

As a 2w1, I really appreciated this. Recently I had been wondering if I was a 2 at all. Mostly because my 1 wing was feeling very obvious. I’ve been in a rather rough place and had been neglecting my needs so much that I forgot what they were. Maybe that sounds silly. My point is, thank you! Everything you said here resonated with me. I’d like to expand on it a little if I may. Firstly, I couldn’t help but see below how 2s love hugs. As one I can agree completely. I’m a hugger and a cuddle bug. On the matter of sharing food, DEFINITELY true! Though for me it isn’t just food. I’m good with sharing just about anything if it helps someone. What breaks my heart is when someone asks for something, you get it for them, and they say either “this isn’t the one I wanted” or that they decided they don’t need it anymore. The latter happens most often with less malice, but it still makes me feel like I messed up somehow. I think the reason 2s are so eager to share food is because food is something of an intimate necessity. As in: people need food to, you know survive; so a 2 can practically always give it and the person would want it. And if it isn’t a meal, no problem! That’s what snacks and drinks are for. How many 2s have been asked to bring a snack to the party and dedicate days in advance to try and pick or make the exact right food that everyone would like? And then after the party if that snack was barely touched you feel horrible!

[@ecviets]

The two main 2s in my life are church friends and they make/bake the best treats. :)

[@ArcaneGinger]

Yay! I'm a 2w1 too! Also, I've had points where I have worked super hard on food for a party to not have it touched.. you are correct. It bites..😩 Then I remind myself I can take it home and let family love it! I think my food sharing thing issss, please ask first. Don't take it freely! Also, there have been times when I finally take a ME moment to not share good food and feel bad when someone does ask. It feels like I can't say no. Or if I do, I just feel guilty and the food loses it's joy. It is hard to describe. 😅

[@brandonbreaux1296]

@@ArcaneGinger Yes! Like when you shave down the plate to the last perfect bite and someone asks if they can have it. It makes you feel bad to say no or yes, so either way it gives you that sinking feeling. Believe me I get it. Haha! As for sharing food, yeah I don’t openly share from my own plate BUT I wont turn someone down who asks. And personally that only happens around friends and they’re always willing to share too so I’m bothered all the less. I think it’s a sweet gesture.

[@brandonbreaux1296]

@@ecviets That sounds great for everybody!

[@AbbeyHowe]

I love reading through this whole convo!! Thanks for sharing all your unique perspectives!

[@carolinefischer5187]

So true for me, especially the suppression. I used to think I was a 9 for so long because of the strong desire to avoid conflict/pretend problems don't exist.

[@yellowteapot]

guys, they should make a dating app based on enneagrams 👌🏻

[@AbbeyHowe]

YESSSS

[@Avionne_Parris]

As a type 4, who goes to type 2 in my stress / growth path, this video is much appreciated! My aunt who is a registered nurse is a type 2 and I agree about the pride and not seeing your own needs as more important than others. She can get pretty aggressive type 8 about not wanting help. I saw an interview with a 2w1 and when asked if she could ever go on vacation by herself, she said: "No, because I will feel guilty that I'm not serving others." Furthermore, for her "vacation" means "I work somewhere else". I thought that was so insightful. Thanks for this glimpse into the type 2 world, Abs! And have a great day :-) UPDATE EDIT: Turns out, I'm actually a type 2 so this video ended up being more accurate than I thought :-D

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for your comment, Avionne! 💕 Have a great day yourself!

[@gamerboi_27]

I have something to say about "the little things" under point number 3. One time my friend wrote to me on Snapchat "I appreciate you," and I cried. It was just totally unexpected and something I really needed to hear. Anytime my friend was in trouble and struggled with money, I was there to save the day. I try not to expect anything in return, but ideally I'd like to feel emotional intimacy. To an extent I get that but I got really insecure when he stopped hugging me. It was a total of maybe 3 or 4 times through the course of our rollercoaster friendship. So lately I've done the typical 2 thing and I say "it's fine" and I continue caring for my friend's needs although I feel something is missing in my heart. Idk understanding myself better really helps put into words what I'm feeling because I couldn't identify myself before studying enneagram. For the most part, my friend and I are doing good. I just have a hunger for affection sometimes that I can't really control. I wish I wasn't so detached and I could get my fist bump or hug from my friend again. I just want it to happen naturally if it does because I don't want to be the one who has to say something. Sigh... being a 2 is hard but I genuinely love and care for those closest to me.

[@Lorena_]

omg, this video is so accurate. Sometimes I think I just would feel truly appreciated and understood in a relationship where both are 2w1

[@CareFreeCommuting]

As a 9, I love giving twos (anyone actually)…the sandwich method 1:51, likely because I prefer that myself as well…(also, I love communal dining, took me a bit of time to open up to such, but a fantastic happening).

[@keysteacher7983]

I'm a type 2 and I don't care about the sharing food part, but most of the rest of them were very true. As for the sandwich method, it doesn't usually work for me. What really helps is if you state that you are assuming the best of me and that I didn't do it intentionally, so something like: "Hey, I really don't think you meant it that way, but I was really hurt when you---" or "I know you were doing this to be helpful, but----". The other thing that is super important is that you tell me sooner rather than later. If I find out that something's been bothering you or annoying you for a really long time and you're just now telling me, that really hurts me because I feel so guilty over something I was doing unintentionally or didn't know it was bothering you and it's been going on all this time! Lastly, quality time that the other person initiates is simply the best. It means you were thinking of me when I wasn't around and wanted to be around me. Texting in the middle of the day for no apparent reason just to say hi or that something you saw made you think of me, also has a similar effect. Love watching your videos, Abbey! They are so helpful and encouraging.

[@ClearSummerSkies]

Great points, and it sounds like the sandwich method is what works for you! Saying "I'm assuming the best about you, and that you're doing this unintentionally," is an affirmation. It's also just a kind way of approaching an issue. I'm a type 5 and appreciate when people approach me this way.

[@specmoment3592]

So you just described the sandwich method IoI, that's affirmation

[@ZosiaDabrowski]

I'm a 2, and all these suggestions for dating me sound like such general normal things haha, but I suppose it would be quite different for eg. a 5 or an 8 I suppose. As a comment, I see the pride of the 2 kind of like "of course *I* am entitled and able to give to and fix everyone, I am entitled to give my opinion and advice in this situation, of course this person needs me to help with their problem." Almost like putting yourself on a subconscious pedestal as being the one everyone should rely on.

[@ninaportoc]

Great video Abbey! However i'm a type 2 that prefers to buy other people food than share mine LMAO it's one of the few things I don't really see as affection, from the ones you've listed. Yes i can share food, but it's probably not going to be a good experience. Especially if it's something I really want to eat.

[@Lorena_]

i'm a 2w1 and it's soooo hard for me to think of myself before others. Like I make food for everyone and offer drinks to everyone but I don’t eat neither drink anything. I take care of people's clothes and chores but leave mine to the last minute. Mostly, I feel really guilty when I need time alone to recharge or need doing anything for ONLY myself :(

[@DariusLong]

This is really great Abbey! The Type 2 sounds amazing and I feel like I should learn more about them. And I love that you mentioned them being the ultimate host, I love folks like that 💕

[@AbbeyHowe]

♥️

[@JenniferJiang2013]

Type 2 here - the food thing isn't as big of a deal for me. Everything else? On the spot.

[@jeffthreet6818]

Thank you, Abby. I'm a Type 2 and you nailed it.

[@AbbeyHowe]

woohoo!

[@margaretjudice8944]

I'm a 2. Great video! Thank you for sharing! Yes about the spending time. I got spending quality time on the love language test.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you enjoyed it, Margaret! 💕

[@shibangshimridha2966]

i recently found out about enneagram, and discovered that I'm a type 2. I dont know if you'll see this but, ik that i need to go a long way, do some research and all , but umm I'm kinda confused.......like in this video i relate to a lot of things like caring, looking after people's need , doing it all cause I'm afraid of being left out and also because I really care for them. But , on the other hand, I'm kinda practical on my own needs too. I look after myself, voice my wants , have my opinions announced......sure it does feel good when someone else does it but I'm more confident with me doing my own work. I lost my childhood in forgetting my pains through being available for anyone, anytime, and also being left out at special occasions. I am more of a confident, self dependent person and i'm aimimg to be more like myself in the future. don't know if these traits are from something else....I wish i could figure out my personality soon enough . Thank you everyone who came to my ted talk 'hearts'

[@gabrielaopielewicz8234]

I need the part about type 3!!! Waitiiingg😭❤

[@AbbeyHowe]

Soon! ♥️

[@Jaylove777]

Laughing as a 2 whose close friend is a 2. Yup to everything, especially 1. If you are going to be around e a 2, expect ppl to be around somewhere. We are always thinking of how to help someone somewhere lol

[@Timely7]

I fit the type two exactly expect for the people pleasing, I mean I like giving to others and being nice but I feel like it;s kind of a balence I wanna please myself but also like to nice things for people around me, and it's not all the time either. does that mean I am not a type 2? i don't know any of the types tbh so it;s why im asking

[@ArcaneGinger]

Abbey you're looking very lovely in this video! I think that color pink is definitely one of your colors! Anyways, this video makes me sad since it hits very close to home. 😅 Especially that "I don't have needs" comment. Recently, I have been avoiding going to go out and spend money frivolously and I've been doing great at it! So when I was taking my bro out and about I asked him if we should go get a treat at a gas station. (I was super excited, since it was a hot day and a large soda sounded amazing) I had been thinking about it for a couple hours and he just goes "umm naw" I was shocked, we went home and I felt miserable. Backstory, I keep driving past the gas station and its 99 cent drink advertisement on the way home from work so for me it had been a huuge deal since it tempts a TON. 😅 Secondly my "best" friend takes advantage of my helpfulness alll the time. I just cat sit for his cat on the weekend and agreed to look in one day, but just as he was hanging up the phone he said it needed to be two days.. 😒.. I did it, since I didn't want the cat to suffer but I'm pretty done with my friends cluelessness. (He is a 7) He has done this sort of thing for years bit it has gotten worse lately. Yay for being a 2! 😅😆 *sigh*

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you so much. And I hope you can treat yourself to a delicious ice cold soda ASAP as well as express your boundaries to your 7 friend. Sending you love!

[@ArcaneGinger]

@@AbbeyHowe thank YOU so much for your videos and all the efforts you put into them to make them so great! My sister and I share them with each other. ^-^

[@bodhimartina6985]

Thank you ❤❤❤

[@yasmintareq8161]

How do 2 and 4 act in a romantic relationship? Is it good match?

[@13thravenpurple94]

Great work Thank you

[@CreativeOrange]

What would a relationship between Type 2 and Type 5 look like? I'm just interested.

[@coachjuley]

I'm a type 5 and dated a 2 for a while. Apparently it's a match of opposites, a thinking type vs a feeling type, but it can work. I really appreciated how nurturing my type 2 ex was, she was very open about her feelings and was an easy communicator, which helped me be more open about my feelings too, which is a weak point for me. Also made me feel very loved, which is something I don't often feel as an isolated and quiet 5. On the other hand, I intellectually inspired her and she learnt new things from me. I'm also much more calm and collected, which can be grounding for an emotionally intense type 2. This is when things are in harmony. However, when the partners go towards their unhealthy tendencies, it can be very chaotic. The type 2 can be too smothering with their affection, which makes type 5 feel like they're losing their autonomy, so they withdraw, which then makes the type 2 feel unloved and it becomes a huge mess.

[@charmzee8749]

As an 8 dealing with a 2 , the sandwitch is as follows, tell a strenght, where they can improve it a bit, make it seem like it’s not a big deal, help them along the way. Easy peasy, but figuring it out so it dosen’t sound like you think they are useless? HARD HARD HARD, Mission impossible theme playing in the background and lots of errors you gotta take credit for 🤦‍♂️

[@Kuma_Kares]

Thaaaaaaaaaaank you

[@AbbeyHowe]

u welcome

[@brocklytodd5317]

neat

[@guerschmidesaint-ange8821]

Please, please do not feedback sandwich me. As a 2 (and a manager) the feedback sandwich only makes me feel worse because the affirmation was only shared to provide the issue- it invalidates the affirmation. Also… chances are, we already know what we did wrong. It’s best to right size the feedback: if there is only 1 thing wrong, spend 1% of the time talking about it. Spend the rest of the time about how amazing it was if it was, in fact, amazing.

[@leilyniap6522]

My husband is the most caring man I know. He worked in a nursing home for seven years as an activities coordinator and was known as everyone’s grandson. He turned down better paying job opportunities because the smiles on his residents’ faces were worth more than any paycheck. I love him so much. 🥹❤️