Think You Know Narcissists, Borderlines? Think Again! (With Ruan de Witt)

[@robertarmero6320]

It’s crazy how narcissistic are afraid of abandonment but create and environment in which he will be abandoned

[@sallymartin6184]

The punishment of these illusions of being abandoned! reveals It'self in being exhausted to a point that Is is not fully recognised until...Space...when they are gone, or there is geographical difference. I have never heard a narcissist say, Sorry! or ever believe It could possibly be them that??

[@kimalexander8276]

How true Robert !! My husband totally sabotaged our marriage passive aggressively for 22 years and when I left he was beyond mortified. It is so incredibly sad . I still love him . He just cannot love me in the way I need. I tried . Wish I knew Sams advice years ago but so very grateful now ..

[@isobelmiddleton6353]

@@tontsar91 they simply can,t help themselves.. they are driven to behave this way.. so full of self loathing and jealousy they have to hurt and humiliate to spread the pain about to ease their own.

[@heatherwhatever7714]

Is this because they feel someone will catch on sooner or later so trigger the leaving?

[@priscillagrrr4405]

That's why it's a disorder...

[@sharischoll9411]

Personality disorder sounds so gentle. If you ever observed one in your life, it is like living in hell. The longer they get by with it the more sadistic they become.

[@louiseboyd8896]

Yes, each year is worse than the last.....the narcissist I was involved with also hated me for putting up with him.....and punished me by continually doling out my penance......

[@anniemargareth7617]

And the more stealthy they become in their insults. Verbal and non verbal insults. Never ending insults mixed with crumbs.

[@louiseboyd8896]

@@anniemargareth7617 it's a battle for possession of our soul.....principalities.....I think it's beyond mental illness.....I had a pet cat who kept me alive so I wouldn't do myself in....also immersed myself in several artforms to save my sanity....now I truly cherish the good people in my life....narcs are to be pitied.....Jesus is the only one on their death bed who can save them from hellfire.....I, on the other hand will die in peace.....living a fulfilled life of love and sharing and giving......

[@anniemargareth7617]

Louise Boyd Yeah. I got the feeling that they have some supernatural sence for cauzing mental pain and turning it into power. Or put another way, by the insults they reduce your self esteem and collect it for themselves. Its so sick. Im happy I can generate my own self esteem.

[@cheeks6310]

Borderlines have empathy, narcissists don't. There are many personality disorders and they treat people very differently. Borderlines can be empaths for example. Narcissists cannot

[@gemini7903]

"You can't help them because there is nobody there"...

[@paigeleighton1545]

"It is not that you find the Narcissist charming, it's that you find it charming that the Narcissist finds you charming..." Le sigh...

[@judithdg4266]

I never ever anticipated what havoc borderline can do to a person... when he ( my ex bf) told me he was diagnosed BPD I thought 'oh, a bit dysregulated, I can handle that'. like Sam just said , it is a narcissistic disorder, it is absolutely devastating to partners.

[@humaali2742]

This needs to be taught to teenagers so they know people like this exist in the world and to stay away

[@mfwalensa9405]

They can't teach this to adults let alone teenagers.

[@TheMattjudo26]

It's hard to teach psychology and to politically indoctrination at the same time so the western education system just does the indoctrination bit.

[@Renee-p3y]

Absolutely! Red flags aren’t red if you know nothing about what they are trying to warm you of. So for all of us that have been shattered by human beings incapable of being human need to get the educational ball rolling. What do we need to do? Any suggestions? I’m on board.

[@gemum4219]

I wish there would be more discussion regarding manipulation rather than narcissistic behavior.

[@ronfirek5824]

50min. You don't want to build your life on a foundation of quicksand. BLESSINGS

[@carmose]

Over 37 years, I changed expectations, lovingly detached, outsourced my emotional need supply, and re-framed - It was exhausting, but I could live with it. However, when I best accomplished all this, my narc became more abusive, more outright, more scheming, ignored my physical, medical emergencies, more hateful than ever. It was a dangerous place. Be careful, protect yourself during this process. My feeling was, in the depth of his contempt for me, he wanted rid of me so badly, but for appearances sake wouldn't initiate legal process. What would he be wiling to do to get rid of me figuratively or realistically? Scary

[@lightandlovewarrior9552]

Sam, I respect your work, thank you for helping us understand. I pray there is a cure one day for this trauma of narcissism. It is in my family, and terrifying. I have gone no contact with several of them. Sam, you I want to say makes me want to fix any pain that was inflicted. I wish it can be done one day. God bless you and your family.

[@cherylparks9449]

Women ignore the uncanny valley feeling because we've been raised to ignore our sixth sense and give people the benefit of a doubt 🧐

[@kimalexander8276]

Too right Cheryl ….. also as Sam says if we all listened to the Red Flags slapping our faces the narcissists in the world would be very lonely. But we don’t for a host of reasons …. However ignoring ones gut is high ….. I am a perfect example of just loving the fact the the man in my life made me feel like magic … like the mirror Sam’s talk about …. I hope you are learning and growing so never go there again and start to go with your gut. It’s a process right ? 🌹

[@ac-jn1iq]

Yup

[@ac-jn1iq]

Or we’re painted as the nagging woman with unfounded speculations

[@NigerWifeChronicles]

I gave it 😅 I admit it

[@enoch6977]

"Loneliness is the worst advisor. It blinds you." ----Sam Vaknin

[@umasordini9843]

Yes, this way, the victims of Narcissists will not get confused with the Narcissist. Narcissists should not have children. I hope I do not get rejected by a so called "normal person", when they find out I had to recover from Narcissistic abuse, and they think I am hopeless because of it. Narcissists may not get better, but their victims can.

[@theheirofgrace8095]

Unfortunately, they get the unsuspecting victim pregnant and abuse the children. I see this so much in crisis and domestic violence units that I've worked in.

[@georgias9211]

I agree with you, that they shouldn't have children. I realized few years ago that my parents are Narcissistic, my sister and her family. They have ruined my life & my husband's. We wasted all these years, driving 2 - 3 hours to visit them frequently, spend $, energy & all for nothing. 🙋‍♀️ hi from Australia 🐨

[@brahyama.merlinjimenez6400]

Well I find out till I long time after we have two kids and I find out everything because I find a dairy where she tell all her kinky relationships and all her cheating history and then after that she make it that i was an abusing her and she twist the history and she acuse me with the police and I lose my kids and a lot of money

[@KateBates22zabu]

They used to sterilize children with down syndrome as a precaution against reproduction. You're saying children that suffered childhood abuse Should continue to endure a life sentence for what could not have been the child's fault. We don't get to pick our caretakers.

[@georgias9211]

@@KateBates22zabu I think your statement is addressed to Professor Sam Vaknin? I didn't say anything like that. I have worked with children services & I have seen that the stress that the children go through etc.Also what my husband & I gone through- would not want that for anyone. 🙋‍♀️hello from Australia 🐨

[@ericaperretta9626]

Sam at his best! Thank you for your insight. Childhood trauma = false self = religion.

[@kimseibert757]

Also, what I noticed...( I could be wrong) but they spot each other quickly....

[@georgias9211]

That is what I like to know?Do they have some kind of radar 👀🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♂️to predict who are Narcissistic people☻ & who are not🤗 🧐🤓🤔

[@meagiesmuse2334]

Imo and Ime, they also spot empathic people quickly. Empaths are like moths to their flame.

[@georgias9211]

@@meagiesmuse2334 Thank you for your reply.🙋‍♀️

[@meagiesmuse2334]

@@dexter576 Do not agree. He has none, so that opinion is to be expected.

[@Tarotcooks]

@@philyd48 💯👏👏👏

[@deebeal7445]

It reminds me of the Borg; Prof. Vaknin said they take you over. They expect full loyalty and dedication to them whilst they are smearing you behind your back, accusing you of outrageous things, causing fractures in relationships and all the other sordid things they do. Narcissism is evil.

[@whitstable11]

@10:54 - 2 signs of narcissism (hyper intellectualising (analysis), & inappropriate effect)

[@DanieWildFlower1]

I’ve suspected my partner of 8 years/‘friend’ of 12 years of narcissism for about the past 6 years now..i became very suspicious during Covid…I started trying to get clarity online and just like you said the information is breadcrumbs and really general and ambiguous…this video has been immensely cohesive and expanded my understanding vastly! Thank you for all your study and contributions to understanding this.

[@gretamuller9600]

Wow, he really knows what he's talking about. So true on so many levels!

[@MildredBonkers]

I had a horrible experience with a narcissist. There was a very particular feeling he gave me that I couldn't quite describe. Retrospectively I understood that feeling to be my intuition telling me to stay away. But since I had never experienced that feeling before, I confused it with love. Years later, that same feeling arose when I met a friend's new boyfriend. He ended up stealing thousands of dollars from friends and fleeing the country. I always trust my intuition now. Always. In some cultures, intuition is as tangible a sense as any of the "five senses" in Western culture. But in Western culture, a sense of intution is perceived as a "feminine trait" so we've ignored it - just like we ignore a lot of other female-specific traits, like ignoring women's complaints about gender bias and sexual assault. I try to be an advocate for helping people belief in that gut-feeling more. It's usually right.

[@011silbermond]

💝💝

[@Naturalwigsandvigs]

I've found narcissism interesting for a long time and have researched on KZbin but I never really understood it until recently when I found Sam Vaknin

[@kimseibert757]

Malignant narcissist....you can't miss it....this true disorder takes a person down quickly....

[@LoweringMyProfile]

When you’ve encountered a malignant narc there is no mistaking it. They have no humanity, don’t follow social norms, totally devoid of morality, SUPER STRANGE, SUPER ABNORMAL, evil to the core and Godless! They are far more disordered and evil than regular garden variety narcissists, but at the same time it makes you wonder how in the world have they made it through life and stayed alive as long as they have with their deeply evil sadistic way of life? Everything a malignant does is evil!... they have a more sadistic and nasty edge that garden variety narcs don’t have. The malignant goes out of their way to do evil and doesn’t need a reason or justification for doing it, which shows how sick and depraved they are. Malignant narcs are evil through and through! You don’t need a DNA test to know that they come directly from the loins of Lucifer.

[@cynthiaguarino2016]

Trying to work with a narcissist proves the old adage of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

[@howardcude5749]

I was raised in this behavior my father was a classic narcissist but I’ve also learned that this is handed down from generation to generation I looked back on my relatives my step grandpa was this way my grandma a lot of uncles very sad deal

[@lisarobertshockeybabylon2178]

There is Northern thing. Ignoring gut feeling in my case was because vunerable narcissist showed me the child.. a glimpse of the abused child within. This fish hook disarms because a child seems not dangerous. It is a very effective hook which I have only learned about 2 days ago. Pity. Pity was the deliberate hook. Like a child in a burning building. Like in the Mandalorian haha.

[@georgias9211]

Thank you🤗. There is always something new to learn, loved the interview. What I know is once you uncover people & you know that they are Narcissistic, you can't look back , everything changes for you, you look at people different now, it is very hard to trust people again , you have a tower moment & its like you've a wide awaken in your life but you still have to constantly try to figure out people are they Narcissistic or not etc..🙋‍♀️ hello from Australia 🐨

[@georgias9211]

@Hughes SignCo 🙋‍♀️ from Victoria ❄☃️

[@kimalexander8276]

Hello from Australia too … Sam is wonderful right Georgia! Helped me more than he will ever know. Respect ✊

[@georgias9211]

@@kimalexander8276 🙋‍♀️👋🌷🌬☔❄☃️⛄

[@georgias9211]

@@harleyfsbo3027 Thank you for that tip. I be honest,I'm not trying to be rude. I've never heard of that before. What about the ones that pretend to be all religious, good people etc & they still Narcissistic , toxic personalities.🙋‍♀️🐨

[@georgias9211]

@@harleyfsbo3027 Thank you for your reply 🙋‍♀️

[@dianajane6185]

Sam, just want to thank you for helping me so much in recent years. This video, in particular, discussing the progression of entrapment, and your tying the dynamic to folie a deux, I found enlightening and spot on. The concept of mortification is also intriguing. I read _Malignant Self Love_ a couple years ago, when I began trying to understand some ensnarements. I need to revisit it now, now that I have more of a foundational understanding. Thank you again. Much appreciation.

[@sherriedennis4500]

Recognizing that this disorder is engineered by trauma, I stop short of dehumanizing narcissists and reducing them to mechanical objects ("robots"). I have met many, and there's a spectrum of behaviors and damage they cause. And the antisocial behaviors, by my experience, ebb and flow.

[@bf6774]

Thanks prof. Sam. You solved my long term conundrum. Among all traumas and problems in our relationship , My poor ex used to keep telling me he didn’t remember anything from his childhood. I lived with a stranger for 18 years in hope of helping him and finding a solution for our relationship problems until he finally kicked me off his life 😂. And as a reaction I told him ; “I hope you stay the same person you are. Because I know It is the worst thing you can wish for a vicious enemy “ . They really don’t deserve any help or support. Because basically they only want to hurt you to get some satisfaction.

[@ianstewart4922]

Everyone thinks they are entitled to something.. we come here with nothing we go out with nothing

[@jannawalters232]

What about those not diagnosed as narcissists who lie, steal, manipulate and are cruel to you and have no remorse? What's their label?

[@samvaknin]

Psychopaths.

[@ronfirek5824]

Bible makes reference to an evil generation in the last days. BLESSINGS

[@tvelazquez121]

The bible sure is proving true!!! We are witnessing the narcissistic 👿's from the pit... in human flesh. Jesus Christ is coming soon❣️

[@1983IB]

The holocaust generation wasn't bad enough? Don't think this one can compare so we are safe for now

[@deblarosa1703]

@@tnntlmmn277 I take issue. IF you were to read with open mind my hope is that you would find the opposite. I sure have. As time goes by i am increasingly amazed at its relevance. Many of today's 'findings' are in thus book written thousands of years ago . Are you judging a book you've never read...or one you skimmed through quickly?

[@jonathanstephens7015]

Why would he come back here? If he had any sense he would stay away.

[@DilfuzaKHaydarova-e1p]

Thank you so much Dear Professor ❤

[@spoton8247]

What a brilliant man !!! 🙌

[@gemini7903]

"Narcissists are 2 years old"

[@goitomfessahaye1701]

Dear Sam , you often talk about narcissistic intimate relationships but do you ever observe these shared fantasies and different tactics being used in family relationships as I've been contemplating this in my sibling interactions ?

[@samvaknin]

Yes. Shared fantasy is the organizing principle of ALL the narcissist's relationships.

[@vespertine789]

@@samvaknin Would you consider talking more about friendship dynamics/or lack there of, in borderlines, and narcissists. Perhaps how the dynamics of a friendship between a narcissist and a borderline would be, apart from being a ridiculous pairing... I don't think either can have friendships in the traditional sense, borderlines have people for stability, or merging if they ever do feel connected. But the way normal people with stable senses of selves bond, and are able to be interested in others as autonomous individuals seperate from themselves is severely lacking in the borderline much like the narcissist??? In line with that, I'd love insight into why both a borderline, and narcissist say they felt used by the other for emotional support? It's the most bizarre thing. We were on the phone for hours and hours sometimes, but then there was always some kind of.. resentment. Followed by an outburst from me complaining he's manipulative, and doesn't care, or him saying how triggering or toxic I am, etc. It was also difficult to stay immune to his love bombing so there was cross over into fantasism, both our complementary sexual tastes didn't help, but it was always retracted shortly, with this push/pull nonsense by both of us mostly because I didn't want to get my feelings involved as I knew his weren't real despite him always trying to convince me otherwise. But I do believe we were genuine friends for some of the time in those 3 years. Atleast I really tried to make it so, as did he by being there, but I suppose that was just him trying to trick me. But there was empathy, how much we talking about our childhoods, our depersonalision, dissociation and disconnection we feel.. after learning more, I realise that wasn't him mirroring me. At times, it was difficult to know who's abusing who.. but then I watched your videos talking about how a narcissist can seek mortification and I imagine he provoked me purposefully to verbally assassinate him. Your video 'borderline lies, narcissism myths' was *EXTREMELY* insightful too, and made me feel as though I had a strong part to play in the toxicity, constantly accusing him of lying, being disgusting, being manipulative, evil, narcissistic because he never admitted it and just kept trying to explain how his sense of reality is, that he's vulnerable, that he can't remember feeling states from moment to moment, that he feels overwhelmed, and disorientated, etc. Which I disregarded as bullshit excuses so I wonder how much I was wrong about my own behaviour too. In another of your videos answering personal questions, so much lined up too, once he said he'd feel not good enough with me because of my age (I'm 26, he's 34 and his type is no older than 19), and explained because he can't groom me into idealizing him or something like that. I was offended and thought he was just trying to protect my feelings (ha ha) while rejecting me, but that obviously wasn't the case either. It seems like he turned into a borderline sometimes, I suppose that was fleeting moments of vulnerability (or mirroring) then he switched into the perfect portrait of what you describe much later on, cold, dismissive, etc. when I became convinced he wanted to be different, reciprocated his advances rather than playing games, and lost the upper hand. In the chance that you read this, do you think he was perhaps not a consistent narcissist but switched between self-states often because he did seem vulnerable very frequently despite his nauseating grandiosity and lack of empathy.

[@mormontomormon8976]

Glad I caught this one! Fantastic

[@Martina-jz3ox]

Who is abusing whom and how does this manifest itself in overt - covert narcissistic relationships?

[@BrittanyLaBauveBirth]

Hi Sam, you equate the way a narcissist addicts their victims in a similar way to social media. There’s all sorts of self-styled “experts” who say that narcissists love social media but I’ve known two personally who loathe it. Do you have any idea why?

[@samvaknin]

Social media can cause narcissistic injuries. Covert narcissists would tend to avoid them.

[@InternetKindness]

To expand on what Prof Vaknin said, I've seen narcissists get very upset/go into rages due to things like getting unfriended or blocked on social media (they reject people, they can't deal with being rejected first!), not getting enough or the right kind of attention, and so on. People disagreeing with them. It can be very unpredictable, social media, and difficult to control the situation. I've seen those who say they love it, and I their justification comes down to things like it being easy to find people, easy to zero in on vulnerabilities and weaknesses of others through what kinds of things they reveal on there, just easier access to more people at once, potentially, I suppose.

[@saeculumobscurum292]

@@samvaknin my ex, to a "t", amongst every other attribute you've nailed to him!

[@BrittanyLaBauveBirth]

@@samvaknin so perhaps if they have an account but don’t use it, they want the attention for the false self and don’t risk anything by interacting?

[@jmcgarvey1234]

Narcissist perhaps love to

[@susiebachez]

Hello Sam, to add to your statements on the diagnosis of mental illness. I want to say that all classification of mental illness is merely labeling. We use labels as a way to separate, identify and describe human behavior that is generated and inculgated in us as children. This then becomes and shows up as personalities and or trait in personalities. Some of us are affected more than others

[@umasordini9843]

The French word for soul is ame. I grew up with a soul. I still have one. It houses my instincts. I listen to my instincts, but do not act on all of them, cause some of them are bad. I know that there is no physical evidence for such a thing as a soul, but I'm ok with calling that my core, or the real me, or the part I keep hidden, sometimes (well, the bad stuff mostly) to get along with the people I live with.

[@jake373]

I remember watching something on TV with my ex who was a BPD that involved a man who’d lost his legs. It was really moving and I remember thinking she was looking at me for an appropriate reaction. Like she literally didn’t know how to feel about it. I remember thinking it was odd. Not that I would have judged her one way or the other, I just thought it was strange that she had no organic reaction

[@Kidscraftparty]

If narcissists suffer from a form of amnesia then how can they be so successful in their jobs etc??? Is this amnesia only related to emotional relationships?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@karenbonnici6204]

What would you say about the situation with a narcissist that denies that he wants to discard you BUT he doesn't want to talk with you, do anything fun together, It is a life of being married to someone who emotionally unattached. You are a part of the house, but not something that deserves any time or attention?

[@Langolin1998]

That was how my ex was. You go from the best thing they’ve ever encountered and make all these grandiose plans for the future, to a roommate whom they hardly acknowledge, don’t so much as want to take you anywhere for fun or spend time with you, to being a prisoner in your own home/relationship. And it’s a fairly quick transition. You’re constantly trying to figure it out, make yourself interesting, beg them for attention, and it’s nothing more than draining. Meanwhile, they’re on a narcissistic high because they have that much covert control over you and your emotions. They know you’re seeking their approval and chasing a person and relationship that doesn’t exist. Truly sick!!

[@ac-jn1iq]

@@Langolin1998 my ex was the SAME WAY. Unfortunately for him, I have borderline tendencies and acted out and went my own way and did what I wanted which enraged him.

[@Langolin1998]

@@ac-jn1iq I acted out as well, due to codependency issues…most was in desperation to figure things out. It wasn’t outrageous acting out, but I was definitely turning into someone I didn’t recognize. They can turn people inside/out due to their abuse. I’m glad you got out.

[@michellecherwak4194]

Professor Vaknin, is the process of mortification the same between the 2 subtypes(vulnerable/grandiose)? If a religious institution mortified the narcissist, does the intimate partner become the enemy? I wonder if that is what happened in my situation. My spouse was diagnosed with npd (vulnerable) after he made very poor choices and was disfellowshipped by the church institution. He then seemed to turn his rage towards me and eventually left the marriage.

[@samvaknin]

Mortification is identical in all types of narcissists.

[@rosethorns1893]

lol…narcissism is the secular religion of today

[@Phuzz828]

And as well as themselves they worship social media

[@rosethorns1893]

@@Suite_annamite I imagine your college professors told you this, huh? Regardless, today! It’s the secular religion of the woke. I can’t speak for the other religions but in Christianity, it may at times occur that narcissists sneak into the religion for the specific reason of gaining undue power and control over the people, which is not the same as the religion itself being narcissistic. Woke religion is, at its core, born of narcissism and its followers are narcissists.

[@rosethorns1893]

@@Suite_annamite there’s so much there to respond to but I’ll keep it short. Wrong on most everything. Most are educated idiots. Getting brainwashed by a college teacher doesn’t amount to anything but the utter stupidity and foolishness of people who go to learn anything outside of becoming a doctor. A college education does not equate to wisdom.

[@rosethorns1893]

@@Suite_annamite kzbin.info/www/bejne/eGWkgJ2Mp92ledE

[@rosethorns1893]

@J Hall I don’t know about MTG. I do know that two things can be true. Btw, those “prosperity religions” aren’t what real Christianity is about. Just cuz people call themselves something, doesn’t make it so. Very much like self proclaimed “Christians” that vote Democrat are, in fact, not Christian.

[@letipi9086]

"The soul is this thing that asks us if the soul exists". Mario Quintana.

[@Myhandle718]

You gotta love Sam 💪🏾💪🏾

[@harima36]

So they do everything abusive to you so that you won't abandon them? They might want to rethink that : o

[@FreeWL]

Dear Sam If someone publicly destroy some other person's reputation or insult it doesn't matter if it is a narcissist or not whose dignity was hurt. Anyone will try not to return to the relationship with the offender.

[@bertatejedo2730]

Thanks a lot for this enlightening information.

[@redpostbox7185]

Self worship is spoken about in the Qur'an too, scary thing 😓 "So is he who is on clear evidence from his Lord like him to whom the evil of his work has been made attractive and they follow their [own] desires?" Qur'an 47:14

[@hshshshsshshsh8368]

No it talks about self love...and extending that out..look at the first 2 pillars and they've been utilised as a tool man can manipulate...if they followed the first one...it would be self love and to share that with the wider community...also remember many religions espouse this but humanity is losing its spiritual side caught I the judgements of others...hence I try to see others (and I've been abused, but its back to me to unravel my acceptance in these processes...there will always be suffering in.the World once humans are involved as we live in a cognitive dissonance to our world...

[@sharischoll9411]

Look up Jesus description of Satan. When he is speaking to the Pharisee. Many people are abused and it creates more empathy. They don't want others to suffer like they did.

[@peterlattanzio2634]

Amazing man!!

[@lolablues730]

It’s so strange because I recognise most of these features, behaviours in too many people I came across until now and I’m pretty sure not all these people can be diagnosed with npd. Are we all sharing some of these traits in order to survive ? Or why is it that these are so familiar to most of us? Are there really this many narcissists around the world ?

[@malumachado4561]

"Theres a difference between narcissistic styles and NPD" pretty sure Sam says something along these lines in the video. You may have a narcissistic behaviour but not be a full blown narcissist.

[@amateruss]

A condition only becomes a disorder if it disrupts the important things in your life. There is something we call "healthy narcissism" wherein you use it to get more confidence, etc. But once it becomes a problem more than a being helpful it becomes a disorder.

[@brandiepersons738]

Because we are coached from birth to subject ourselves to discomfort for the comfort of men. That's why women ignore their discomfort.

[@Max-ph5in]

Have a read of some of John Bowlby's work and also Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

[@brandiepersons738]

Yeah that's not true, that's a myth ...men are taught to "protect" women? From what?.....from men. So, that's kind of nuts

[@cherylparks9449]

And taught to give people the benefit of a doubt 🧐

[@carolineh.6623]

Women have been the narcissists in my life ... my heart goes out to people not women dealing with narcissist.

[@brandiepersons738]

@@carolineh.6623 yes, but a female narc will exploit sexism to abuse their victim as well. Been there, it's ugly

[@sleeprunning]

Good reality check on all this name calling and dehumanizing of suffering people - Psychiatric Times: "The Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath."

[@sueshallard-wn7hx]

Ive been researching Cluster B since 2004. I am the scapgoat from a family of overt father and covert mother and grandparents. My brother is diagnosed by psychiatrist BPD. I wish you would speak more about narcissism and empathy within bpd. As his sister how do I best manage him. I will not leave him he's my brother

[@samvaknin]

BPD is not narcissism, though both types are grandiose.

[@Mina-vi5le]

Sam, thank you for this. I have a question. Lately I find myself in the realm of reading up on high functioning autism. I am alarmed to learn that allegedly 1 in 44 children in the US are thought to be on the spectrum. With regard to those Dx'd with HIGH functioning autism, which includes an inability to relay emotions (even though felt very deeply) how might one determine the distinction between say a narcissist and someone on the ASD spectrum? Not sure if you have that answer, but I am noting this might be a challenge moving forward for the ASD community. I am learning many are being diagnosed 'borderline' due to extreme meltdowns, and other 'craziness'....I'd be very interested in your insights if you find it is something worthy of discussing. Thanks for all you do, your work is 'life changing' literally, I wish more knew and understood. It is so frustrating witnessing everyone labeling everyone a 'narcissist' when they haven't a clue...# sigh.

[@vespertine789]

"....BPD and NPD are worse than multiple personality disorders they atleast possess a host personality, a core self that moderates whereas the former has no core personality, no one is moderating, it's *utter discombobulated, unmitigated chaos* " 😂 I assume this is hilarious to me because there's only a certain point up till something can be tragic, then it just becomes ridiculous. Later I'll go back to empty and sad though 🌚

[@CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel]

you're so pretty

[@pearllight7481]

I’m Moroccan too nd I love ur videos 💕✌️🕊

[@gaylewasacase6140]

So informative. Tha.nk you

[@JinanMC]

Couldn’t an extroverted “grandiose narcissist” (self-aggrandizing and go-getter) who is also hypersensitive and thinned-skinned when it comes to any form of feedback or criticism, be compensating for underlying insecurity (even if this is deeply suppressed and unconscious)? Hence the “narcissistic injury” that triggers anger and rage?

[@cms1083]

This is so unbelievably insightful and terrifying and eye opening all wrapped together. There's no way I'm only watching it this one time. Like I plan on watching it from the start again tonight! It gets even more interesting when you learn that Sam suffers from narcissism and I'm thinking "woah woah woah. Back the bus right the eff up. Am I hearing sh*$?!! " If you have unanswered questions in regards to the many faces of narcissism, which let's face it if we are here, we definitely have questions......then you need to watch this !!! Alot of questions I had were answered however, I now have an entire new perspective and therefore so many new wonders I'll be pondering about !!!! Thank you for this !!

[@ChefFandangle]

1:22 was very enlightening in its self

[@marianatequiero28]

The narcissist idealizes you it’s so true ,, but I remember herring that and thinking huh kinda cringey but such a lie self worth of myself that can’t combat it

[@scottthuong2609]

Best 2 avoid all humans...don't have kids...and buy a pet! Dedicate your life 2 animal welfare & rights. Trust me, it's the only way!

[@puritymuthoni268]

That was a great interview. I do have a question though, if a child is removed from a toxic environment when they're still young and have already formed their false self, are the effects reversible? Given that narcissism isn't diagnosed until someone is past young adult age.

[@samvaknin]

Once the False Self had constellated, the process is not reversible.

[@puritymuthoni268]

Thank you for the response.

[@jodypixley6683]

@@samvaknin That is frighting fact ! It's like calling them out is a bad ideal but letting them get away with it is another bad ideal ! A no win situation ! I feel very sick with nousea knowing my family will have to live with this with my son's new wife ! I just am blown away by the fact that everyone sees the crazy abuse but my son is looking stupid with the repeated love bombing and then torture , It's like watching a movie that's not real !

[@jodypixley6683]

The ill feeling of been around the bad assembled robot is the exact way I've been trying explain how my 34 female my son is with ,I could see her evil the first time I met her ! She is always scanning ! She knows I know so she is continuously is trying to destroy me ! While I watch her suck the life out of my 27 year old son

[@AnnaLVajda]

Maybe because they don't even know themselves they just project all those false images on others and lie about them etc. Mine seemed to just speak to me as if I was stupid because he liked to think I was even with my high IQ and all the advanced classes I took in school. Or he talks like I should have no self esteem but I worked full time and lived on my own for 15 years before him while he just lived in Mommys basement and has some sense of entitlement. They will say you are ugly and you say why do all these other guys still like me then? They have no answer they just want to tell others who they are no regard for the reality of the situation.

[@michelleriley7983]

Play it Sam ❤️. Always a titillating cerebral enticement to hear your voice.

[@homepickle]

I appreciate the liberal arts direction this interview took, tying in history, religion, and philosophy.

[@umasordini9843]

How about something in between nothingness and I am the master of the Universe. Like, I am a good enough part of something really big.

[@cruelpulse]

I am the medium sized onion.

[@alexedwards559]

@M W I have thought of the everything and nothing quality before. Very descriptive, I think.

[@mbjos5962]

It's literally like when their supply amazes them so much, They wear an rainbow colored LGBT hat and show how they "Love supporting LGBT" Yet when the supply "fails them" in their mind, They'll put away the LGBT hat and when supply confront them it'll be meant with "I never wore that hat" and further narcissism/homophobia. (Basically like chamelons.)

[@reneedwards1082]

Wow…the new religion…self…all about self??? Where is God? So true 😳

[@arnoknoester7773]

dont you think that women are becoming more narcissistic because of the social media the self inflicting of the overly obsessive use of the platform to self validate them self true the mobile platform

[@DT-kd3xi]

They have yeah, social media, and dati g apps have shown women that there's always something better with a swipe left, so they become aloof and self centered

[@carlacda1993]

I don't think anyone is becoming anything they weren't already. It's just that they have (more) tools to validate that now.

[@InternetKindness]

I think it's been shown that a lot of people who do things like post selfies do it out of insecurity and body-checking, things like body dysmorphia, not necessarily only narcissism. I'd imagine that many are, as well, but I don't think it's as simple as that. But I see vast differences between when I started using the internet in the late 90s, when no one used their real name or any photos at all and were judged on personality/words alone, and nowadays when everyone has real names and tons of photos. But part of that is the nature of social media and the nature of the type of posts that get more response (hint: if you're a woman, people often totally ignore your thoughtful, wordy posts and only pay attention to your selfies, so you might then post more selfies and fewer words.) So I'm not sure it's that more women love posting selfies as it is that social media and their audience's response to different types of posts has conditioned a lot of women to post more selfies because no one cares if they post other stuff.

[@arnoknoester7773]

@@InternetKindness thats a really good point your making thank you for sharing your opinion

[@arnoknoester7773]

@@DT-kd3xi i do agree with you we are disposable now as man the have no need to work on any relationship the just move on to the next one that comes closer to there fantasy imagination of the perfect man

[@mytinyvictories]

Judging from the comments; most people did not make it more than halfway through this video.

[@cheeks6310]

This is about narcissism not much about bpd

[@dande_lion]

What a coincidence, just talked with a friend about the expression "Frau Doktor". Is/was this really only used in Germany? No equivalent expression in any other country?

[@1983IB]

Yes, in CZ too but it's old, like 19th century I think.

[@kathleenbrady9916]

Thanks so much 😁

[@DanielaKasalo]

If you always give a minimum 2 of 3 S (sex,suply or services) is that mean you will never go in phase of abusing you and become a mother figure? I mean he would abuse you less? Would you be always in love boombing phase? Omg i need help do much .Is enybody know this?

[@Beesmakelifegoo]

Thank you for the depth of your explanations. I wish that children get to experience Positive nurturing lives by enriching schools. As one would identify with healthy characteristics and be able to integrate self awareness. Finding the absent one is indeed a huge mystery. I appreciate how you tell us and introduce The nothingness So so meaningful.

[@tanjaalt5476]

What's the difference between borderliners and their secondary psychopathy and a sociopath? Aren't borderliners as impulsive as sociopaths and sociopaths as reckless as psychopaths?

[@samvaknin]

No such thing as "sociopaths". It is media hype, mostly.

[@user-gz7ov3nc5q]

Sam, you are amazing presenter that all can understand despite your highly acclaimed academic level. Thanks so much. I listen to your videos whole day! I need your help to reach decision. My daughter fits exactly in narc delusion & is now drawing her twin-kids into it (ur human sacrifice explanation). I have been financing their living as she has been in self-destruct mode & has no income. My shock is her very intelligent son prefer to be with her rather than with me, because she fills her with guilt. Her autistic daughter goes into feakout mode at the thought of being alone with her, but is perfectly OK with others. She lives my cimpany and even exhibits humor & creativity. How can I protect these precious kids? Do I abandon them all? Are they already narc themselves in early stages and I will only enhance the transfer? Grandma Hilda

[@rosirose5727]

If both partner are Narsistics can the relashonship survive ?

[@zegeist333]

19:25 so who is the true narcissist then?

[@SlickRick-ne8qw]

Covert is the true and overt is the primary psychopath

[@chrisnamaste3572]

10:45 is an important point.

[@HadleyStotts]

Awesome. Fantastic. Kisses.

[@gingerjee]

hi sam when 2 clustersB's get together and are lovebombing each other ,can each off them become addicted to each other ?

[@GunCatPowMeow]

In Austria it's still a tradition to call the wife of professors 'frau professor ...' but maybe that's just to do with class/social status indicators?

[@gemini7903]

"The narcissism is the religion of the future" 🙈🙈🙈

[@louiseboyd8896]

No host personality........entities of absence......schizoid....

[@kjc1878]

Mean women 90 percent are or borderline . Sylvester Stallone twin brother lol.

[@deborahd641]

@ProfSamVaknin You stated that "time stands still in the narcissist mind & that he lives exclusively in an internal universe." Does this mean that they cannot feel time pass, i.e. days, wks, months, yrs? I ask because I lost my son to suicide in '95 & the only way I knew time was passing me by was noticing that those around me were aging. Neither of us had/have NPD, but that feeling was a strange phase I experienced while grieving. However, looking back in 2019 I knew a person who is almost 80 yrs old now & fits the patterns & behaviors of a Covert NPD (absolutely no contact 5 yrs now) & I wondered why can't he see he's wasted his life & he still doesn't seem bothered about getting old & doing nothing w/his life bc he is still trying to hoover. He was frequently bitter, miserable, always in his victimhood, no empathy, very passive aggressive, lives alone, his family & friends never came to visit. Before I went no contact I was also struck by his willingness to just sit in his tiny run down apt wasting his time playing on fb w/nothing to show for the time he has lived, he stayed invested in his complaints abt everyone & nothing being his fault. I'm just curious abt that & maybe you'll see my question & hopefully it made sense. Ty in advance.✌🏾

[@samvaknin]

The experience of time is not universal or uniform.