This Is How It Feels To Breakup For An Avoidant

[@TheMaggie271]

I had a relationship with a narcissist and on many levels it feels the same...I don't want anymore of these physiological problems again..I had a 6 week relationship and that was enough...I'm working on myself...it's too much pain to bear...

[@mielleppens7586]

You're underrated. I hear you're French so for the time you spend learning enlgish and making this video I will say thank you. And I will recomend you to people around me.

[@professorlayabout4878]

I’m a DA and I can vouch for the accuracy of this video! 😭

[@bnatalie]

Did you ever come back ?

[@professorlayabout4878]

@@bnatalie sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depended on how attached I was and how lonely.

[@Jakuboooooooooo]

What does being a district attorney have to do with this

[@professorlayabout4878]

@@Jakuboooooooooo because a district attorney would never lie! 😭

[@Jakuboooooooooo]

@@professorlayabout4878 touché mate 😂

[@jacopofbargellini4005]

Problem is, once they come back ( if ever) the cycle start again. Would you accept this Merry go round forever? furthermore at every separation, their detachement level is the same, even after ten years of relationship while for the partner every time is more painful because, as normal people do, the more you are with a person the more you are attached. they dont.

[@AlexisFriedlander]

I do agree, this is why it's important after the break up to ask yourself what you really want. Developing a secure attachment can create the condition for a healthier relationship. But it takes both to make it work!

[@miller5170]

We anxious types are the fixers of things we are the get it done types lol. I do believe two avoidants might work if they are okay with a small amount of intimacy very very small and I think I’ve seen these weirdo couples who last for 40 boring years … two anxious people never end up together but when they do it’s for one month bc one of those two people will blow up with emotions or get sick of their own clinginness that’s two alike too much of looking jn the mirror and wondering what the hell is wrong with myself if I’m like that I need to change fast.. and then there’s two secure people and it’s heaven. Everyone needs to be working on themselves hard and seriously walking away much sooner than we do. Walk away anxious people!

[@teganhare2468]

Thanks Alexis ! It would be great to hear your story and how you became more secure!

[@allylight8656]

Hi, love this channel do you find avoidances are quite selfish? I give a lot of compliments to someone I’m seeing but he doesn’t really compliment back. X

[@robertadcox8419]

Like other commentors, what caused you to want to change and how can a dismissive really happily exists without dealing with conflict. It seems so surreal. Conflict with resolve by a couple is great.

[@AlexisFriedlander]

It's really about personal development and the desire to improve. This is true regardless of your attachment style (and in a way what really determines the success of a relationship)

[@sweettagada22]

Basically they are selfish

[@jadefournelle]

Hi ! He broke up with me 3 weeks ago , for 2 weeks , ( im anxious ) i was crying and just texting him because I NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND And to try to make him change his mind since we have such an amazing connection , it didnt work obviously . I know he cares but i know how he is ( now that the SHOCK phase is over i see more clear ) i am in no contact since 3 days . I wonder if i should text him a SORRY FOR ACTING THAT WAY I ACVEPT YOUR DECISION text so he can feel like the last image of me is not that annoying person or should i just continue with no contact ????

[@foggybunny2031]

Just continue no contact

[@myrtofeli7340]

So, is it true that an avoidant could be married for 15 years and have kids? I know a person who has some of the avoidant traits and his marriage is shit for 6 years now, he is 15 years married with two kids but he finds it hard to leave the relationship even if he feels it would be right to do so. Can avoidants feel trapped and not end a relationship where they feel they suffer ? Or am I mistaken and he is not an avoidant ? Please let me know your opinion on this. Thank you.

[@AlexisFriedlander]

It's possible. He stays not because he feels trapped but because he chose to. It could be because of his kids or the connection with his wife, or could be for a of reasons.

[@myrtofeli7340]

@AlexisFriedlander On another video, you mentioned that somebody who is married for many years with kids , he is not the typical type of avoidant.

[@embracethejourney315]

Big question! If I'm in no contact and the DA is not reaching out after a month or so (and seems like they never will, super stubborn), then how do THEY know you understand and can create a new and better relationship?

[@embracethejourney315]

Thank you for the reminder. I should know that! It just feels so counterintuitive.

[@DeadMysticx]

​@@embracethejourney315I read that it can take up to a year for an avoidant to even "realize" that you are not coming back and missing you. So an avoidant needs more time

[@adoptioncorner1984]

Mine popped up a year an half later. Just to say happy birthday then crickets again.

[@DeadMysticx]

@@adoptioncorner1984 for me it is 15 months with my FA Ex. He showed a lot of signs that he struggles but no reach out. I had enough and sent him a letter today if he want to catch up and have coffee

[@diegomarquez9505]

Alexis, my wife of 24 yrs who I am getting divorced is an avoidant. She made the exact same comment of," I cant make you happy", and left the relationship. I know the feelings are there, but how can I talk to her after no contact without using my kids? I want to set up the environment to her attachment style. Thanks

[@AlexisFriedlander]

24 years together either something triggered her (there are lots of studies about mid life crisis) Or it has been slow process of deterioration and because avoidants don't speak up.

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

Van a DA berak up with someone even he has deep feelings or because of this feelings?

[@AlexisFriedlander]

It depends!

[@mimid.6675]

My dismissive avoidant ghosted me after he was diagnosed with cancer...this is the third month .... I have no idea how he's doing... I wonder if he'll come back . ..

[@nateo200]

What kind of cancer?

[@mimid.6675]

@@nateo200 Throat ...he had surgery then radiotherapy... Shortly after , a patch he's had on his skin for years started itching and bleeding and the doctor asked him to go for a biopsy, that's when he ghosted...I think it was all too overwhelming...I think I would be too .

[@DeadMysticx]

​@@mimid.6675could be. Avoidants are easily overwhelmed and can't handle stress.

[@sherrie6492]

After 15 years being married. No warning....just i want a divorce. He wanted something different. He had a whole vastly different life style... For 10 years and the same thing happened. 45 years later and i still haven't gotten over it. I got past it and had a decent life. But it still bothers me. And he's still an avoidant.