This is Why You're Indecisive

[@OGAngie]

One of the most impactful moments for me in therapy was when I expressed my anxiety over the fact that I could see myself enjoying a dozen different career paths. My therapist was like, "That sounds like you'd be satisfied no matter which path you take. What if you have MULTIPLE *correct* choices? That's a good problem to have!" It blew my mind. Now when I'm indecisive over a few options, I feel more at ease realizing that I'm indecisive because there are multiple correct options, so any of them will probably work just fine.

[@FlyForAWhiteTy]

Oh. Well fuck.

[@illumistration]

Thank you, that helped me.

[@Kkubey]

In terms of careers, this is especially valuable to realize. So many people try to focus on a certain career as if it was their calling just because they don't open up to other ideas, and especially in fields like the arts, it might lead to an especially frustrating life. There are also the people who went down a road, just to realize their career path is ceasing to exist. Around here at least, there are many offers for adults to change their careers or go back to school to be able to do higher qualified jobs or start studying, but most people are hesitating and think it would be too much for them or they could never allow themself to learn how to do another job. When I finished school at an evening school as I failed on the traditional path, there was someone in my class who was 44 (I was 17 back then to give an idea of the age range, but now you can only attend if you are at least 18). He probably did not realize how much I admired that. He wanted to work with children, as he did not have children of his own and no longer wanted to pursue an impersonal career.

[@koidotjpeg9944]

Wow, amazing. That made something click in me

[@OGAngie]

@@koidotjpeg9944 I'm so glad it made something click in you the same way it did for me!

[@tayzonday]

This man keeps speaking my autobiography.

[@imabit2lil]

Bro me too I stood in the kitchen for 30 mins before I could decide what to cook. It's so bad

[@exterminatuss4380]

Is it about Chocolate Rain?

[@AkiriKanan]

Bro, i haven't heard you for 2 years.

[@Natural_Order]

We love you Tay

[@Alex-ki1yr]

Best wishes to you and yours @tayzonday, and everyone

[@0SCJustJohn]

Summary 1. Indecision is fear of regret, so your real problem is inability to deal with regret. 2. Probably means you are trying to live a perfect life and think happiness depends on making right decisions. 3. If that were true decisive people would do poorly, but they don't. 4. This is because *outcomes are not dictated by the decisions, they are dictated by how you follow through.* 5. You can enter a negative loop if you don't follow through, blame your poor outcomes on your decisions, and get more afraid of decisions. 6. Instead, realize everybody makes mistakes (and choices are generally trade offs, not "right" or "wrong"), and don't sweat the decision itself. Focus on making the best of it. I watched 5 videos on decision making today and I think this was the best.

[@natywvela6668]

Thank you

[@natywvela6668]

How can you deal with regret? I think the key is working on forgiveness. However, I find unacceptable to make a poor decision. Usually I do a great effort to make things perfect so, still I make work things at most I can. But I can't accept to have mistakes that were preventable, and that only happen when I don't analyze and verify all options, variables and outcomes. I notice my resistance on important life matters. When it comes to food or something small I don't care. Actually, I don't even care about flavors in food. I just take things to feed me.

[@brianmagnus2872]

@@natywvela6668 I feel you! I’ve come to find out that forgiveness starts with forgiving others but MUST accompany forgiveness of ourselves immediately after. Only forgiving others leads to codependent personality. Forgiving only one’s self often leads to narcissistic personality (neither “disorder” diagnosis but tendencies). If you cannot forgive others or yourself, that seems like the best place to figure out. Perhaps after watching this video, it’s just about deciding to have forgiveness as one of your values. Starting today!

[@brianmagnus2872]

@@natywvela6668also, what is “regret” anyway? Is it just a mismatch of the unrealistic expectations we had for ourselves and/or the situation? We all might have less regrets if we simply stop placing so much expectations. Having such high expectations is like existing in a high-pressure cooker (in real-life, 24/7).

[@liliana5603]

Thank you for the summery, I saved it :)

[@tamllinn]

I think a lot of indecisiveness and fear of the wrong choice comes from growing up poor (and being poor in general). It’s hard to be ok with a subpar taco if you don’t know when (or if) you’re getting tacos again. And as an adult living in poverty, a small wrong decision can easily derail your whole life (you eat a bad taco - you get sick - you can’t go to work - you get fired - you can’t pay rent - you end up homeless). It’s not JUST about accepting regret - it’s about having resources, mental and material, to absorb the cost of pivoting.

[@PariKadyan-u1b]

this.

[@gonorrriya]

so true.

[@harmonykardon2116]

True. And that got worst if you grow up poor and at the same time feel responsible for others

[@mairenhbe338]

I so much agree with this. I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. I think people who grew up poor are likely to suffer from indecision simply because trying again is expensive. There is really no room for mistakes.

[@Rosey_Squirrel]

All choices feel detrimental when your living with a scarcity mindset.

[@marreco6347]

What I've personally found is: you learn more from mistakes than from hesitating.

[@robertnegron9706]

And you save more time. Time waits for no one.

[@lukeligo7079]

Wise reflection

[@hallehuckleberry]

very true

[@vitsavicky]

I say all the time. If people didn't make mistakes we would all still be swinging from tree branch to tree branch. Climbing down to where all the predators are was most certainly a mistake. But it's the mistakes that allowed us to learn and evolve into what we are now. Mistakes are nothing to fear. They are just a learning experience. Provided the mistake in question isn't fatal, of course. :)

[@FrankKimono744]

I've started saying to myself: "I make experience" instead of "I make a mistake". I helps with treating failures or mistakes in a positive way.😊

[@ParagonFury]

There is a saying I heard once that I've always liked; "A poor plan boldly undertaken is better than a good plan that never comes to pass."

[@laaaliiiluuu]

This mindset gets people killed or paralyzed.

[@mikudoingtheDJ]

heard that quote before Also found an izzet player

[@mml3888]

Not wen it comes to relationships lol

[@nyxsun]

I like that

[@b-6870]

Yeah, it's better than not taking any action but worse than taking pre-planned and thoughtful actions. The best example would be the game of chess. A move without thinking of the consequences may prove to be a poor one, but a well-planned and thought move increases your chances of winning.

[@sedansearz5349]

My fear isn't making a mistake. My fear is not being able to make a change once I pick something. If i major in something i later regret I'm in huge debt , if i have children with the wrong person it's going to be harder to divorce, find a new partner and go to a new collage

[@ninjareaper4828]

I'd still consider this to being afraid of *major* mistakes, rather than all mistakes.

[@sedansearz5349]

@@Dimitris_Half it's more difficult to make a change once u r an adult since u are carrying a whole lot more responsibility

[@sedansearz5349]

@@Dimitris_Half because I'm miserable

[@latteARCH]

Honestly, those are valid concerns, but the fact is that life is inefficient and you really can’t have the level of control you wish you had over everything. Life will be messy and tough and full of mistakes, but it’s up to you to own it and make up for when it happens. You can aim for good things, and your should, but don’t forget that damage control is just as important a life skill. And people will help you along the way if you fall.

[@efdbjon2114]

i think he is trying to say that there is no right or wrong person or major you just do the thing you chose and do your best to enjoy it, you arent as unique as you think in the way that you can adapt to enjoy things even when you might think its not for you.

[@manofthenooch9910]

I'm now 29 and studying in a different province than my home (Canada). I graduated high school when I was 17 and have been plagued by indecision for more than a decade. So much fear of regretting my career path that I wouldn't stick to anything. When I was 25 I decided to take the leap and move out from my mom's basement to study Nutrition Science in a different province. I've been having doubts throughout the past 3 years (2 years left) but I'm getting much better. Also have been diagnosed with ADHD last summer and since I started medication + therapy, I am so much more decisive.

[@kagame6524]

A much older coworker gave me insights that reduced my indecisiveness: if you find that you have two really close choices in pros and cons, then choosing either will be almost the same; if the choices aren’t so close, then your decision is clear to choose the best. Basically no need to agonize over making the absolute marginally better choice. Dr K gives better insights too with actually focusing on making things work after that decision and simply pivoting. One thing I realize, there are no wrong choices, just lived to experience and learn from.

[@natywvela6668]

But if it is for learning you are supposely better at taking choices and not making mistakes, which is imposible, that is what I dont like about thinking I am learning if anyway, next time the scenario will be different and equally possible to have "bad" choices. Like next time will have another coin so what is the point.

[@Sarah-ks8lw]

"The indecisive person tries to pick the right choice while the decisive person makes whatever choice they pick work" wow thank you, that is so on point and your knowledge is helping me for real :)

[@fuzzyterrors]

@@Sarah-ks8lw I read this comment as he said it and I’m taking it as a cosmic message

[@mattjofre]

Once trauma shapes your logic, it becomes so extremely difficult to realise the burden you're putting on yourself by so strictly adhering to it. It feels so exciting and obvious when I hear Dr. K spell things out so clearly; it makes so much sense that it even makes me a little bit frustrated I couldn't logic my way into that conclusion myself. But that's what biases are, and I'm glad we've got people like him spreading some wisdom around for those of us who need a little bit of help.

[@ironically_iconic9848]

Indecision has been ruining my life so much.

[@Ralitera3]

Same here. It s a daily struggle.

[@juststanningby]

"Making our way to not make the decision" --- OMG. This has given me words for something I've noticed myself doing when I have to make decisions. It's kinda like a kind of procrastination where I wait for something or someone else to end up making a decision for me.

[@SpaceCityGuard]

“The outcome is not dictated by the choice but what you do after you make the choice” This has got to be my (current) favorite quote,and explanation, from Dr. K

[@crimsonbg]

It's the lack of abundance mentality. If you're in survival mode one wrong choice could be fatal.

[@Moose92411]

Improvise, adapt, and overcome. The Marines understand the importance of making a decision and then adapting our responses based on how the initial decision turns out. It took me years to take on that mindset, but getting married, having two kids, shifting careers, going to grad school at 37, have all been big decisions that I MIGHT make differently if I could go back… but I can’t, and I’ve made peace with it, and I will make the most of where I am.

[@IHiggs]

Dude you have no idea how valuable those words are to me personally, i have no one to talk to about my situation but these are the words my brain needed to hear. Thanks

[@Moose92411]

@@IHiggs hey, I love to hear that! I've struggled with a lot of different parts of life, and if I can help someone else avoid some measure of those struggles, I'm happier for it.

[@kkronical]

@@Moose92411 you got an amazing mindset and perspective on life, I hope I can emulate that. Kudos to you my friend

[@Moose92411]

@@kkronical I appreciate those words!

[@natywvela6668]

Do you think it was like forgiving yourself? How did you make peace with it?

[@yohaizilber]

This is definitely relatable for all of us over-thinkers 😅

[@Celinamars666]

Yeah I’m blessed to hear this 😊

[@boraguven4830]

nah im an overthinker and rarely struggle with indecisiveness

[@boraguven4830]

@@Dimitris_Half naaaahh overthinking isnt just being overloaded with choices

[@abcdefzhij]

QUIRKY

[@manoil1]

Overthinking is fear of regret. More often than not I is even related to past events like you have already made the decision and you regret it as you have never taken it in the first place as you never did. As this guy say, you don’t even make a decision, ever, you wait for it to get sorted out by itself with pros and cons. If it is in the context of a business decision, you have to be careful but always keep that fear on a leash. Don’t even exercise indecisiveness for small things like lunch or a movie, just don’t…

[@mayuwu4408]

As any Dark Souls player will understand, if you always play it safe and try your absolute hardest to not make a mistake, then you'll never learn the boss's attack patterns or deal any damage, you'll just panic roll away in fear of getting hit and dying, and then die. The really funny thing is that part of why being decisive leads to less mistakes is because when you do make a mistake, you learn from it. You need to get in there and be ready to die, because you're gonna die a lot. But then you start to learn, "Why did I die? What could I do differently next time?". And after some more mistakes you start taking less damage, and then after even more mistakes you start weaving your own attacks in between evading. Now you're making and commiting to decisions, and you're making less mistakes. Now we just need to try to learn the attack patterns of life- LOL (Dr. K Should try a Soulsbourne game there's so many great mental health connections to be drawn from it, as brutal a reputation as it gets :D) To put the whole idea of this video another way, indecisiveness seems to create the expectation that the rightness or wrongness lies in the choices themselves, and thus when a decision is made, they aren't expecting to need to make the choice work because they're expecting it to work on it's own. And so when it goes poorly due to not trying to make it work, their expectation of what happens when they make the wrong choice is fufilled, and the spiral continues. Another thing is that indecisiveness sounds more inefficient than being decisive and the outcome going poorly. Taking so much time and energy and emotional bandwidth to make a decision is a big cost, and the payoff is often not worth it. Being decisive and the outcome going poorly sucks, but then they can still pivot. It's a much better strategy for living life in the end. I've slowly been realizing that I've been trying to play a blind no-hit run of life, desprately avoiding mistakes and regret and pain, which both for irl and for games is impossible aside from just not playing it which is what I end up doing. For sure something I'll have to look into with therapy. Thank you Dr. K!!!! And don't you dare go hollow.

[@diezelfunk]

One thing I'd like to add about this is, during my first playthrough of DS and DS3, I used to do heavy greatshield turtling a lot to avoid mistakes, always making sure every single build I make involves a greatshield and meta weapons... It was a chore and a crutch, because I switch from estoc to dark sword, to carthus cruved sword and follower's sabre. Bloodborne gave me the slap of reality I needed to try something new, a playstyle that's more agressive, that's why I've come to love the beast cutter and boom hammer. This made me appreciate underused weapons in the series regardless of it being buffed or nerfed, and to try out different and unusual playstyles. As time goes on, mistakes kind of become part of the learning process instead of things to avoid. I still have a long way to go IRL, but the games gave me important lessons in that regard.

[@mayuwu4408]

@@diezelfunk Ahh I see- that's really relateable. In Elden Ring (my first Soulsborne game) I was looking up where I should go to get the things that would be good for the build I wanted to use (I was in a huge gish phase in dnd so I went with a prisoner spellsword playstyle lol) and not just letting myself go wherever I felt like going, trying to find a "right" way to go. I feel u, I also have a long way to go but its nice to build a little bit of experience in such a low-steaks environment and learn these lessons in a game.

[@DrkRyu]

this is an insane analogy and I'm mad about how right and fitting it is.

[@DarkinDies]

one of the best youtube comments i have ever read

[@OkayNokey]

Beautiful, don't you dare go hollow too

[@jimrich4192]

For me, it's a fear of PAIN or HUMILIATION - another form of pain! Mistakes hurt & humiliation hurts (my ego), so I just passively sit around & avoid taking any RISKS, hoping things will magically work out on their own. As a child, decisions & moves were ALWAYS made by powerful others, so it's never been much of a problem until now that I'm totally alone in life. LOL, I can hear some critic out there saying, "Well, you're not a child NOW!!!" 😂😂😂

[@sachshey2508]

I'm almost 27 years old and I resonate with this. I made decisions based on what my friends did or had my parents decide for me. Now that I'm alone, I feel completely lost and confused.

[@ItstheGodinme_]

A fear of regret..yes!! That’s it If I make the wrong decision, I’ll beat myself up for it in the future so I procrastinate until I can see a clear, right decision that my future self can’t possibly regret 😀🙃

[@thisweirdkidbummer3266]

Dang, this video really opened my eyes. I didn’t even know that I had a fear of regretting things but as soon as you brought it up my anxiety spiked. Thank you Dr.K!

[@susanthejew6351]

nice another little thing to hide behind instead of work through poggers gen z

[@MV.]

@@susanthejew6351 i think they’re on the right path; the first step to change is recognition.

[@FrankKimono744]

"I make experience" instead of "I make a mistake". I helps with treating failures or mistakes in a positive way.😊

[@stevenlomon]

This is genuinely one of the most eye-opening videos I've ever seen. Massive kudos!!

[@PifchoBG]

Bro. Exactly the right time. I am planing my vacation for the last month. I needed a week to chose destination, one more week to choose a travel agency, for the last week I was choosing a hotel. So I spend nearly a month of researching to go and relax for a week. That just SUCKS !!!

[@lucasa8710]

I think this is the third time I'm watching this over the course of 9 months and now it is making sense

[@AngryShooter]

The more I watch Dr K the more I'm realizing that most of what's not working in my life is due to trauma from bad experiences, and trauma from missed milestones piling on top of each other, which then leads to insecurity, which contributes to worst outcomes and more missed opportunities resulting in even more trauma. I got break this cycle, it will probably be the hardest thing I'll ever do in I'm my life, but it's that or nothing.

[@konstantingatev1962]

I think im indecisive because my mother would yell at me for an hour everytime i made a bad call or mistake so now i tend to overanalyze everything before i make a choice but you are right i subconsciously think its all in the decision and not in sticking to what i chose and making it work

[@michaelthomas1916]

Indecision! This where I'm at with my career now. It'll be thirty years next year, and I reached the pinnacle of where i thought I'd ever get a few years ago. The past year, I've started feeling unneeded by my organization, like i don't belong anymore at times. A large part of me wants to do something new but I don't know what, and it's to easy to just keep on keeping on.

[@孤独の観測者-o7e]

Damn, this is just the video I needed. I have developed "decision anxiety" which goes above mere analysis paralysis and basically makes me automatically default to choosing the status quo because the act of making a choice is so frightening to me I can't even bear the thought of having to do it. I have no idea how I'm supposed to just be okay with making mistakes and have some sort of belief in myself that I'll be able to handle the consequences and pivot... I know letting myself make those mistakes is what will help me build up confidence in myself but it's too scary to start with the big stuff, and too long-term for my ADHD brain to stick to it if I start with small things.

[@Jadechop]

Are you me?

[@second_second_]

Yeah, i hope Dr can make part 2 or part 3 of this video, about indecision in neurodiverse people and when the decision involves other people as well.. it might be more difficult for a neurodiverse people to make the decision or to handle the aftermath, the responsibility after making the decision. I think it'll be easier for neurotypicals but idk

[@gonorrriya]

aaa dis is meeee

[@RohanD9987]

As a decisive person I try to be as productive as possible and with that I actually do research before making decision. But even after research I tend to make mistakes it’s natural and nobody can be right all the time.

[@funkymonkey2091]

"The wrongness isn't in the choice, It's in what you do after you make the choice" is probably the best thing I could hear from this video

[@Fearlessly-Kristen]

I’ve never seen this KZbinr before but he just changed my life this morning.

[@ptit-monsieur]

Me: I'm indecisive Dr. K: let me tell you about the tacos theory

[@osirisianplays8089]

moral of the story: a taco in the hand is worth two in the bush

[@macsarcule]

Things worth considering when you compare yourself to “decisive” people: 1. There’s a thin difference between decisive and impulsive. 2. There’s some very good research (Hidden Brain on NPR covered this) that says most of us have a cycle that kicks in when we make a decision that, regardless of the decision, our brain begins to tell us “I’m glad i chose this” and makes loads of reasons why. We’ll convince ourselves we’re good with that choice. There’s something to be said for waiting for that cycle to kick in, trusting it will come, and we’ll feel more ok about it over time. 3. Be measured about the value of the decision. Picked the wrong taco place? It’s tacos. Who cares. Be cool. Picked the wrong person to marry, have kids with? This is valid of deliberation ahead of time. 🙂

[@estherwestbroek]

Ooo. Oops. I don't have that thing you mention under 2. Explains a lot.

[@aoeu256]

having kids is a long term process where you can bail at any point... i think the problem is that all marriages to american women are pretty much bad because of the culture... its not that you picked the worng person, its that all people are bad choices.

[@MaksShap]

This just explained sooooo much, and it isn't even that complicated. It's the fear of regret. It's been this all along.

[@beflyaudio]

I've been slowly realising this myself. I always had a very bad analysis paralysis, but lately i've been slowly itching towards understanding why, and the problem turned out to be me being bogged down in trying to come up with a perfect way to analyse a problem to not make a bad decision, instead of just trusting my intelligence and experience. And then this video drops. Not going to lie this is quite liberating to get confirmed.

[@rainfall7972]

As early teen i was furiated that my father made me to take clothe i didn't like. Normally we used to buy 2 set max in one year. So that was huge commitment for me. That was first time i went with my father. After coming home i did angry dance infront of whole family 😂. One comment of grandma reliefed me for whole life. She said it is just a piece of clothe, it will get old and you will replace it. You will able to afford 100s of clothes in you life. Whole stone lifted from my heart. Thinking oh its not for whole life. After that i get really good at making decisions also quick. Also that t-shirt become my favorite clothe i wear it at least for 4 years. It was such a good quality clothe never get old, no wrinkles. I discovered best color for my undertone. But sadly ant made some hole on it.😂

[@taebby78]

I once had a breakdown in the ice cream aisle at the store because I could absolutely not chose an ice cream to buy. I knew that I wanted one, but I couldn't choose which flavor. I literally stood there and cried. But my indecisiveness has caused me many wasted years of my life. I'm 30 and still live with my parents because I cannot decide where I want to live... I feel like every single decision will fail. I've thought about moving just across town, and I've thought about moving to another country. I can NEVER decide because I'm thinking "I'll just end up hating it and it will be a waste of money and then I'll be stuck there because I won't have money to move again" Or I'm scared that if I move, something bad will happen like I'll lose my job and have to go back home anyway. As a kid we didn't have money, but whenever we had a little extra there would ALWAYS be an emergency and we'd have to spend it. Like if my grandma sent $100 cash for Christmas, the next day our washer would break or a tire would go flat on the car, and there went the money. That happened every single time we had a little extra money.. so that had a bad impact on my life. My indecisiveness is so bad that it's prevented me from progressing in life.

[@Valentino016]

Bro Merry Christmas you made my year. I was struggling with my mental health now you helped me reflect on myself and identify who I am and helped me fix my issues. Im very greatful for u and I feel happier. You even helped me over come my social anxiety and my self esteem issues.

[@MamaAkina]

Just found this channel. Any core videos you highly recommend?

[@silverhetch3383]

@@MamaAkina just watch whatever title resonates with you, its buffet :D

[@mrblackmamba117]

@@MamaAkina What i do is just listen to random videos by him as I'm cooking, cleaning or just lying down. If the title resonates with my issues, i let everything aside and focus properly.

[@JoseRRodriguez]

I think scarcity mentality vs abundance mentality is an important mental frame here. Scarcity mentality could be come from previous unresolved trauma and choice is crucial because you think one more loss is painful.

[@LiMaking]

Or, as I grew up poor, I had to make the right choice because I would prob not be able to even have another chance of making a new one.

[@JoseRRodriguez]

@@LiMaking that's it

[@second_second_]

Oh this is it. Usually we're indecisive when the stake is higher. Mm so you mean, if we believe that our life will still be abundant afterall (the leap of faith), instead of fearing the scarcity, we might end up okay afterall..? That's interesting too. Can't control everything, so have faith while doing our best to make it work..

[@tinam761]

@@LiMaking 💯 my struggle. It’s difficult for me to believe that I will be able to choose again so I better choose correctly. It can be utterly paralyzing at times and I waste so much time, energy and money 💵 too sometimes.

[@HMO16488]

This is immensely helpful. As a woman with a strong dislike of video games, it’s pretty funny that I stumbled on this channel and have found it so incredibly rewarding. Thank you for the thoughtful, plainly-spoken insight.

[@kirbylover37]

As a man with a strong dislike of birds, I find your comment encouraging.

[@cgyang]

It's great to realize how far-reaching these kinds of videos are. I tend to see Dr. K's content as generally grounded and thoughtful information. Sometimes he goes outside of the box which is great. He'll also give more modern analogies that I imagine resonate with younger generations. Seeing him communicate in various effective ways has made me more empathetic towards a large range of people. We all share a lot of the same struggles: how we get there sounds different, but feels the same.

[@vgrants1717]

The way I see it is like driving. An indecisive person will stop at every stop sign/light and double check that they’re going the “right” direction. A decisive person will just drive through and take a u turn if something “feels off”, or just keep going down the road and see what’s there. The decisive person will find a beautiful little town with an amazing family restaurant and find out that they love to knit. The indecisive person will get to their destination, but might find out that it wasn’t as good as they thought it was.

[@ToriksLV]

As a wiswe man once said, when you have/create too many problems and want to solve all at once you get stuck and never make/or will make progress. Start one by one and up you will go.

[@davidtirney6794]

For decisive people, I find that people like that make a decision and refine it as it goes through the motions

[@codahighland]

I'm a decisive person who DOES make mistakes. I make LOTS of them. It makes it hard to tell whether I'm decisive... or just impulsive. I DO end up putting a lot of effort and resources into making my decisions work, and when I find that it was the wrong plan, I suffer for it as I try to course-correct after the fact. And yet the next time I make a decision, I'm still more likely to make it quickly and move ahead even though if I had thought it through more I would have avoided the negatives. There are times when I take my time and work through things. Those tend to work out very well for me. The times I feel most indecisive is when there ISN'T a "right" answer and maybe I SHOULD flip a coin -- I'm most indecisive on questions of opinion, where it's not possible to be wrong. So I'm really not sure how to map my experience onto what you've said here.

[@rokoi3]

A lot of pain re: my indecisiveness is thinking I won't have a chance to pivot. After moving, my secondhand furniture choices made one room pretty ugly, and I couldn't return anything. I beat myself up about it the whole time I lived there. When I moved a second time, I spent even more time thinking and browsing, and am much happier with how that room turned out. Dr. K here suggests (I think rightly) that my extra time deliberating probably didn't have that much an effect, and the outcome was mostly by chance. I needed to accept no amount of forethought will 100% guarantee an outcome, and that it's not the end of the world if I need to do something over again. This is *super* hard to accept when you think you have only one shot (e.g. poor). Maybe the trick is that you'll always have a chance somewhere down the road?

[@TheHysek]

What I like about your videos is that each time, I understand myself better and look into the problems I face in a new light.

[@joaopedrorocha5693]

One thing i've saw on myself that really helped me to be decisive in some situations were the ones in which i was very curious to learn how something works ... when this is the case and i have to choose between 2 or more options i'd just imagine how the situation would play out and took the path that is aligned with the imagination ... if it work out them i learn that my imagination was aligned with reality and took a good decision, if it doesn't work out i get more understanding of the situation and adjust my thinking ... getting the knowledge is rewarding in itself in these cases.

[@TheGreektrojan]

I'm far from perfect but what I've learned is that most decisions in life, even the big ones, really aren't that complicated. There's not that much research to do, information to gather, contingencies to consider etc... Don't get me wrong, you should still do all of those things (most people really don't) but once you've hit the rumination stage or your debating minutia, its time to make a choice and commit.

[@CaptainYourself2]

This makes so much sense. Like a football team thinking its performance is dependent on picking the perfect plays rather than how well they execute the plays.

[@quinn3301]

The thing I struggle with is that I sometimes make a decision but then I get a nagging feeling like a "what if" or a "I'm forgetting something" kind of feeling and then I hesitate and then go back to thinking about what I want again. Something that sometimes helps me (mainly at restaurants) is I remind myself that I will have other opportunities to try the other option in the future.

[@amygerges6974]

I am a very decisive person and that’s exactly what I do is pivot when things go south

[@clockworkthoughts7830]

I would like to add that almost every decision is made with insufficient information. I do temporary, seasonal work, so I end up working a lot of different jobs (26 jobs over the past 10 years, to be specific), and making a decision about which job to take is always taxing. But the thing is, life is always so unexpected that its impossible to know how things will go in advance. I've jobs that looked amazing on paper that ended up being nightmares, and jobs that I wasn't excited about that were some of the best experiences that I've ever had. Even though I am prone to regret, I still have a hard time regretting the decisions that don't go well because the things that made those jobs miserable were almost always impossible to foresee ahead of time (generally the biggest wildcard is how well I get along with my coworkers). Now, I just pick whatever sounds good, and try not to worry about it because its easy to see that I can't really control or predict the way that things will end up.

[@mctwistx1248]

what i learned of college in mechatronics engineering, the assignement of automatic control systems is a loop system who have feedback of the output or result we want, who compares with the input and these two substracts and we get the error%, then we have a controller that uses that error to get a better output, so the output goes again by the feedback and we get an error% that decreases, so you have to adjust the controller by some calculus but ending in trial and error, so sometimes is imposible to get 0% error, so you have to conformate with a low %, so focus on not to get a perfect 0% mistakes or error, either focus on have a low value of error and make to have the posibility to go trial and error, you will get a feedback inmediately and then you will have the chance to fix your choice

[@azed5764]

I'm so ridiculously indecisive in my day to day life. I took 4 hits of cid by myself for nye a few years ago, and literally got stuck standing next to my bed for over an hour trying to decide if I wanted to lay down or not. I felt like a scratched CD skipping back to the same 20 seconds of a song over and over again. It was terrifying and almost painful. Like the pain of regret on your deathbed looking back on everything you couldnt convince yourself to do for one dumb reason or another. I havnt tripped since.

[@XxSolvexX]

im sorry I laughed so hard at this because I know exactly what you mean and I can't help but laugh at myself for trippin and wonder how long have I been trying to decide what to do?? It's order of magnitude worse for someone who is already indecisive like me lol

[@starciacockett9912]

This happened to me! I yelled for my bf to come in and help me out of the room. I was just standing there trying to get out and kept getting distracted and not sure what to do next.

[@nikitagorkovets4336]

I think this video alone significantly alleviated my anxieties and insecurities. Thank you, Dr. K.

[@pandaaa4571]

thanks for making this video💜 personally, my indecisiveness comes from hyperactivity(i been diagnosed with adhd) and from maladaptive coping mechanism aka running away my problems(also having ptsd dg) im 22 and thanks to therapy, meds and self reflection(i know im priviledged and im grateful of getting help, without it i probably wouldnt be alive anymore) im able to study in public uni and maintain relationship and certain frendships, but my career plans, my self-image, values and student organization/free time activities are changing all the time.. i try to live on the moment and stop to think before changing things and making decisions but still.. im sometimes little bit worried if this tendency might sabotage my life in future, mostly with career and just general balance in life i have no problem to try and do different things but i just feel this feeling of inferior when im just quitting things only to be able to try new things, i have learnt to say "no" to responsibilities that makes me commit to activities until i really know if its for me or not so i wont let other people down but still.. i know it might look good on cv that i have been active in many different things but the shadow side of it is that i almost never stay one place long times

[@gsammyyy]

This was so needed for me. An incident left me indecisive in life and I started regretting everything, guild-laden thoughts clouded my mind. These 19 minutes felt like therapy to me (idk how therapy actually works but it felt so). Thank you so much Dr Alok for this.

[@Blinko]

This video popped into my recommended the very moment I needed it, thanks Dr K

[@Blinko]

And everyone else who helps make these videos possible

[@bazzztian]

I learned for myself that i often take so long to make a decision that i could’ve just done both options and be done by now. Since i noticed this i started making decisions much quicker, because it’s better to just get started. You might even notice then, that it’s the “wrong decision”

[@charleswalason5379]

I've been coming to the awareness of this and Dr. K nailed it with how he spoke about it. Just confirms my belief and I feel so much better now. You almost stop yourself from breathing because these patterns get to be so paralyzing over time. Just live life guys.

[@DrkRyu]

Inefficiency is the bane of my existence. I'm 29 and feel like I've wasted all my time. I'm finally on a good way to learn a useful profession and there's people in my class that are 40+ and seem fine but here I am, getting ever closer to my 30th year and my subconscious always weighs me down because most of my time has been spent throwing away chances in career, love and even learning to be a decent human being. I know it doesn't matter and I know that what I'm doing right now will lead to somewhat of a career soon but that feeling is still there and it's hard to fight it.

[@YouW00t]

I do this thing of "listing pros and cons" a lot and something that helps me a lot when making decisions is putting weight to the cons, it makes it so my mind checks if that con is something that I can live with. It makes it way easier to commit to your choice, it also makes you responsible about the negatives. Funny part is you don't really need to weight the pros too (usually).

[@DanyTheThief]

When I do my pros and cons list of my choices I like to write how I feel emotionally about that potential path in the future, writing things like "it makes me feel safer" is something I really put attention on cause it makes me think "why would I feel unsafe with this other option? does it challenge something that I should face? (as an insecurity or fear or even irrational fear)" It kinda helps me see "objectively" my own reaction to this possible decision and weights down my predisposition to "catastrophicate" normal situations

[@second_second_]

Oh, both of these are interesting. Weight the cons: whether we can live with it; and weight the pros: which one we feel emotionally better. Oh now i need to choose between to pick the con or pick the pro😂

[@jonathanmitchell8698]

I think there are a few other kinds of indecisiveness though: 1. If you really don't want to do something but know you should 2. If your preferences deviate from the norms, so you feel like your preferred choice is wrong even though it might be right for you (but you don't know that, so you avoid making a decision). 3. If you're not sure how to navigate social/collective decision making (you either don't care or have a clear preference, but you're not sure how to express those preferences/lack of preferences to a group that is asking you to make a decision)

[@davidsrinivasan7764]

every decision has a consequence good and bad.

[@Elmyonn]

i LOVE THIS WISDOM SO MUCH

[@gafesantos]

I'm so indecisive that when you mentioned the act to decide flipping a coin I had anxiety hahahaha

[@voidfroze]

Same lol! He suggested it and internally I was like “NOOO” and then he explained exactly why I was feeling that way haha

[@gurdan-friedman]

Same!

[@brianneau5853]

If there were an obvious right or wrong choice, there wouldn't be a choice. So it's usually an arbitrary choice between two things that are fine. And the good news is we are very good at self-justification and tend to be happy with our choices.

[@blubblub3786]

Doctor K has so many videos on Indecisiveness that i cant decide which one to watch first!

[@boluwatifeowowa5841]

Start with the oldest one, then watch it up to the latest one

[@wrOngplan3t]

​@@boluwatifeowowa5841 But what if that's the wrong decision? Maybe there's better advice in the newer ones :)

[@boluwatifeowowa5841]

@@wrOngplan3t that's the essence of watching them so you know which to go with but I also think you should pray along side

[@karthiksk7246]

Flip a coin

[@kowalski2385]

My buddy told me something last-night. He said: "You are free to fail" "You have the option to eat and go on another day, or you can starve, if you want to" "You say you believe you have the right to be healthy, you too have the right to starve." "Why live everyday in fear of what-ifs and the unknown, when you could just simply fill your stomach, and keep going another day" "Another day where you can do more or less- because you are free to" What he told me, spells out, the fact that I must do what I can to survive, however bleak things may seem.

[@karenclark8374]

Learning how to cope is a huge factor. Fear of failure is at epidemic levels. If people learned how to cope and self soothe as a child, making decisions is pretty easy. You make a wrong decision, learn how to cope with it and possibly redirect. I see a lot of parents who try to have their child avoid any failure and it’s not going to help them in the end as an adult.

[@jada3956]

BINGO!!!! thats because a lot of people live through their kids because of how they was taught as kid and as you can see alot of them are very insecure deep down and their kids come out just like them. Pretty much pased on down through generation. But like I always say if you truly love your self and feel confident but not too overconfident and so does your partner feels confident both of yall can help produce a well stable kid(s) who will always remember what you taught that is to be yourself and learn to accept mistakes will happen but learn from them and start one by one with correction and before you know it you feel will at ease how the results will turn out afterwards.

[@niceteal]

I've been misdiagnosing myself with depression for my entire life and now in my 30's with the help of therapy and quitting THC, I'm discovering my depression has been a symptom of being on the spectrum all along. I am highly intelligent and was always an honors student throughout school but as an independent adult I have severe, debilitating issues with executive functioning, handling "gray" areas, big changes and most of the typical social problems that come with autistic people interacting with more neurotypical people. I know your videos aren't specifically catered to people on the spectrum but in combination with therapy, journaling, listening to other autistic people talk, improving my diet and being more physically active, your words are really helping me reframe how I see myself and the world in a way that makes life a lot less intimidating. Thank you so much Dr. K.

[@jessicapinto3817]

Best thing this year was finding your channel,. it's like you are putting all my thoughts into words and opening subjects I didn't remember having hidden away, like this one. Do you have one on not being able to translate thoughts into words? I'm gonna dig happy new year to you and everyone working on this channel 🎊✨

[@mariannerichard1321]

I'm a very flexible person when it comes to food, I can just ordering the waiter's suggestion, or even choosing a dish in a Japanese restaurant just because it came in a cute box (who ordered the eel? no one answer... "that must be me"). There is no wrong choice, every choice is a different experience, some will be subpair, but what is a meal in an lifetime? I chose restaurant more on location convenience, speed of service, prices than on the menu itself.

[@YeahTy-xf6kd]

This guy knows more about me than myself Im also struggling some problems that require decisions and both have bad outcome that will affect not just to me but also to some of people i know. And i just stumbled in this video and it quite actually know whats in my mind and also helped me to see beyond that outcome, the important is how you will handle that decision. And also being indecisive doesnt mean your weak it just mean your really thinking on your decisions not to make any bad mistakes so that you can process and solve it.

[@SebastianUXD]

I need to be at peace with making “bad” choices and feel confident in myself that I can still pivot or make good on a “bad” choice. But eventually, I need to learn that there are no bad or good choices, just outcomes.

[@Tarik360]

Third minute in and you made me realize I still haven't purged that "Thinking about myself in second person" bad habit entirely from my brain. Thank you, will rectify that. I.E. hoping I get the mental Elevator instead of the staircase and wanting two things at once: 1: Wanting to have the decision made for me 2: Wanting to avoid the consequences of making a potentially bad decision and not adapt and capitalize on it. "It's my mistake to make"

[@whitneypost5590]

Finding Balance with decisiveness when you have ADHD and impulse control is extremely difficult. Figuring out when I'm being impulsive vs decisive is so hard. Any suggestions for this?

[@sethmende]

I have the same problem

[@phee3D]

This is the first time some online advice immediately clicked for me. What you described as the reason behind indecisiveness was scarily spot on for me.

[@Boogamaximus]

I’m going to make the wrong choice no matter what

[@hungry6012]

You're doing gods work out here Dr. K, keep up the great work

[@mattxgill]

This is literally how I feel about dating

[@alinamarieandfriends]

THIS!

[@jeremykermott537]

I've always been indecisive, but it was much worse before I got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and started on meds. Now, it's easy to make decisions on small things. It's still difficult to make decisions on bigger things.

[@LAStars-sratS]

I’m indecisive because I just really don’t want to do any of it but modern day society requires stupid stuff.

[@BrassyDel]

Dr K’s videos on resistance may help if this is something you’d like to change. You’ve already figured out why you’re resistant, but grappling with that to resolve it is challenging.

[@tomwright9904]

Yeah, I think fear of regret is a cause but not the cause. It feels like you are a bit more existential here

[@LAStars-sratS]

@@streetchronicles9025 you are already more dead then you realize. Did you know Under Title 46, Chapter781, those with birth certificates are derelict vessels in dry-dock? Under maritime law, these derelict vessels can be harvested quite easily because they lack knowledge, and of how to protect themselves. The Judge assumes you lack the knowledge to show otherwise. Through your inaction, you’re agreeing to be a derelict vessel.

[@linglingdrinkbeansoup]

so true! indecisiveness is the fear of making wrong decision and the regrets that follow.

[@annikao.j.2467]

I have definetely rolled a die when deciding smaller things😅 and let others make the decisions for me...

[@tiryaclearsong421]

I do that all the time when tired. I think there is another type of indecisiveness that's pure exhaustion. I've had it in grad school and when dealing with pregnancy and a newborn. It's like, "What do you want to eat?" I don't know. Food that isn't poisonous, that I can keep down, that will convert into some amount of energy so I can keep trucking along. It doesn't help that pregnancy and breastfeeding comes with a list of foods and things I can't eat. I can barely keep the list of "safe" options in my head long enough to pick one. I'm completely fine with letting chance or another human just hand me something I'm allowed to eat.

[@lmtrey5]

Oddly enough, whenever I’m indecisive and make a decision hesitantly, it actually doesn’t work out because I’m not confident in the decision so I don’t back it up with actions afterwards. Edit: Dr. K just hit it on the nail as I was typing this. And the taco place example was perfect. It comes from a scarcity/ lack of abundance mindset for sure

[@St3v3NWL]

@Dr K, how do you pick the right career path or how do you deal with the fact that their might be a better career path out there.

[@nadinetaylor2449]

This has been SO helpful! I've always struggled with decision making from big decisions to little ones (such as choosing a meal on the menu). I decided to try "study" decision making and yours has been the best video so far! I now understand the cause of my indecision and that the fear of inefficiency and regret are not weaknesses but just factors I need to control. I can study something completely different to what I might end up choosing as a career path. It's not "wasting money" but a decision to invest that money in an interest and a possibility. If it doesn't work out, I can shape the outcome by earning that money back and standing out from the crowd with a background completely different from my peers. Thank you for your help. I will continue practising the fundamentals of decision-making so I can reduce my anxiety and become more efficient. Looking forward to seeing other other videos

[@mma93067]

…meanwhile, here i am, actually flipping a coin to make decisions 😂

[@User-19273]

Wow eyes opening. After watching this video, I realized I had a lot of plans that didn’t go well this year which is perceived as a mistake for me. It hit me so hard that I was struggling with mild depression. This experience generally made my mental strength and confidence weak and as a result, I’m indecisive bc I do not want to make another mistake and I don’t have the energy to make up for the bad decision if I make more.

[@shrinkshrink]

Oh man N0tail!!! Watch the red bull gaming documentary about their first TI win. What an emotional story. Can you do a story about losing friendships when entangled in other aspects of your life like owning a business?

[@PatriciaYumi00]

"Don't be afraid of making the wrong choice because the wrongness isn't in the choice. It’s in what you do after you make the choice." "It’s not the choice that determines the outcome." Dr. K's explanation reminds me of what Robert Frost actually meant with his poem The Road Not Taken-he ironically says in the poem that the right choice (the road less traveled by) made all the difference. This poem was originally addressed to his friend Edward Thomas, who was an indicisive person, a person who, no matter which road he took (in their long walks together), would always sigh, and wish he'd taken another.

[@VYKSU]

Man I wish we'd get an interview every now and then... I am burned out from all the reddit posts and just hearing Dr K speak for hours tbh. Still appreciate the content, just miss the goddamn interviews.

[@kikijewell2967]

I was a contestant on Junkyard Wars. We had 10 hours to build. I learned that each decision was actually the best one in the moment. And if it turned out to be a bad decision later, well, it would just be the current problem to solve. And our team was damn good at solving problems. (We were a close second with 4 teams.)

[@nuke291]

And when it's time to surrender from a mistake? Like, I make the wrong choice, after the choice I keep grinding to make it work, but fails again, and again... So when it's the time to give up?

[@afrieirham_]

i think this is again the part where you have to be decisive. deciding to choose a path, deciding when to quit, deciding when you commit is all a decision that you have to make that nobody can give you the answer.

[@TheGreektrojan]

I think you (and many others) confuse decisiveness for impulsivity. You can take an appropriate amount of time to assess your options, evaluate the situation and then pivot if it makes sense. This is a skill that you learn with practice. If you are looking for the magical framework to lock in correct decisions all of the time, it doesn't exist. Life is RNG. All you can do is stack the odds in favor the best you can.

[@kmcq692]

This is a profound observation. I suddenly think it’s a consequence of pointing and clicking. Which is kind of related to consumerism and the abiding belief that the customer, (yes even me!), is always right. The philosophy of “peak experience” and absolute perfection as a way of BEING. I thank you so much for doing this….

[@MelOBrien-12]

The irony is that I spent ages umming and ahhing about which video to watch on the topic of indecisiveness. I'm pleased with my choice, not just because it was a quality video, but I now know the importance on follow-through. When you don't follow through, every decision feels like the wrong decision. PS - Found your content after watching your interview on DOAC!

[@arlet101]

Dr K you are saving lives. Period. I got off the phone with my psychiatrist last week and he told me I have a problem with making decisions because I'm fearful of mistakes. This couldn't have been posted in better timing. Thank you thank you thank you!!

[@Przepoczwarzenie]

I think the point which you are missing is that sometimes in life the situation is so hard that this decision could be a point which break us or not and therefore it causes indecisiveness. Like if I have a job which I barely manage, three kids, one sick, miserable relationship or abusive relationship and I want to fix this which step by step will improve my situation improve my situation. But at the same time I'm on the edge, so easily I can lose everything. Sometimes you just don't have enough space to Pivot