This One Skill Gets You 99.9% Of Men’s Respect

[@JonathonAslay]

FREE Discovery Call ► jonathonaslay.com/coaching

[@jackiebennett3762]

I wish I met you during my relationship because there was no respect or boundaries. It was a co dependant, toxic relationship that could not be fixed because he thought nothing was wrong. I wish he could have seen your videos

[@terrywade3696]

@@jackiebennett3762 It wouldn’t have made any difference. There’s no fixing people like that.

[@jackiebennett3762]

@@terrywade3696 exactly!

[@heidilehman9009]

I would love to get coaching; however, I was recently scammed a lot of money so unfortunately, I probably can not afford it. :-(

[@brendabernier5096]

[e-mail] I NEED HELP NOW!!!!@

[@amazingyear9042]

Men can SAY anything. Actions speak louder than words.

[@kittycaruso50]

I learned that the hard way

[@shellyvester1737]

And their actions should match their words.

[@ladygaynor16]

Keep believing in yourself. At the end of the day, it is your life, and life is very short!

[@cyndigooch1162]

amazingyear I've found that this is tricky because highly narcissistic, or even worse, people tend to ACT genuine and do lovely things during the love bombing stage, especially if they have a good financial situation. My last narcissistic ex was over the top with messages etc when I met him, but he was really desperate for sex, which I picked up on. He ended up admitted that he was only seducing me too. The self-confessed narcissist, HG Tudor, mentions the acting in his videos etc. The information from him is confronting at times, yet extremely helpful. I've learnt to observe and listen very carefully, especially to my intuition. I'm not even thinking about dating, but there's no harm in practicing with people I meet when I'm out. 🙂

[@reginawoess4928]

I always say that

[@soystef]

Jonathon is so right- for years I was afraid to come off as being "prissy", "high maintenance", or worse.. a "B" for having my standards. Ultimately I cheapened myself for dating men who brought less to the table than I did. Ladies, please do not be ashamed as I was to demand your worth. Bless

[@MissRedfield]

Funny thing is, when you are a woman considered to be a "nice girl", then stand up to men when they're not expecting you to, in their view (seems like) it somehow makes you come off as a b****. In my experience though, it hasn't necessarily made much of a difference in the way the man (generally speaking) reacts or responds to me. Sometimes you just can't win for trying. I have 2 older brothers, one happily married, the other never been married, neither of which I have a great relationship with because, seems like no matter what I say or do they never quite "get" me. I feel the same way around men in my romantic endeavors as well. Even my female friends don't get me a lot of the time. One has even just recently said she thinks I'm "a math problem". 🙄 like I respect and am working on myself all the time, but okay. lol

[@Katrn30]

You described me...thankfully I have worked on myself and turned it around!

[@LaPinturaBella]

@@MissRedfield Ah yes, when we stand up for ourselves, the B word is immedietely invoked. When someone clicks me that my immediate response is to smile and say thank you. It confuses the person who called you a B. I then explain what it really means, Babe In Total Control of Herself. And then I walk away. Funny, I just typed this right before Jonathan described the definition. LOL.

[@karenwilliams2068]

I did the same..and when I was authentic about something he said..he ghosted me without calling back as he said he would. I explained to him in an email I changed from 20 years ago I was no longer passive/ aggressive but healthy assertive no longer playing victim roles.what I learned years ago iin my jnner child therapy event was ..that after being well healed/ friends family or people will leave u after seeing the new quick new changes in u those not liking them will leave you as they are toxic.and unhealthy/ .light and dark do not attract..each others company

[@karenwilliams2068]

I understand

[@alexandriajohnson6656]

I call them "deal breakers" even now that I'm married my husband knows certain behavior will get him out the door ie. Drinking to excess or hitting me. NO second chances. I once left a guy I was dating because he playfully took my arm and twisted it behind my back, it didn't truly hurt but the implication was there( I had refused him sex). I felt then and still do that he was testing me to see if I had limits and self respect or if he could bully and abuse me and I would accept it.

[@lisahowell6701]

Good for you Alex i like your standards

[@guyreid8692]

And you’re perfect I suppose. What gets your pretty ass kicked out the door ?

[@alexandriajohnson6656]

He has deal breakers too . No cheating & no public humiliation aka overly negative personal relationship comments posted on social media, and because he loves my pretty hair so much he has requested I never cut it short(before someone says anything negative if I got cancer and went bald he would adore me just the same and I request he wears a beard, love him clean shaven but adore the beard).

[@dlm2133]

I don't date for 10 years. What do I fall for? A narcissist!!!! Omgosh, the lovebombing, then degrading. Then him wanting to do what I say no to. My bottom line. My standard is strong. I'm done narc. Get over it. I discard.

[@b.k.r.doggielover5449]

I met someone online and he was just like you mentioned. Shame on them! I now have a wonderful, gorgeous man and he's an Empath!! Hallelujah!!❤♥️

[@gilmourishgilmourish6205]

Was single 6,5 years.,man comes along. Left two years later.. broken! Heartbroken! Devastated! Ignored! Dominated/ depressed/ lost/ isolated A narcissist! Never again!

[@cyndigooch1162]

Deb Miller I was single for 17 years, then met a self-confessed master manipulator! It's a long and painful story, so I'll leave out the details, but will mention that I'm extremely proud of myself for getting him out of my life and I'm proud of you too. ❤

[@monikaballah931]

same happen to me. hold dating for 9 years and i met this POS

[@ladygaynor16]

Please read, "why charming men make dangerous lovers." Available on ebay and amazon. Also, "The power. By Rhonda Byrne. Also, oa ebay and Amazon. I highly recommend BOTH BOOKS. I PERSONALY WOULD RECOMMEND THESE BOOKS, AND I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU BEGIN WITH THE BOOK, "WHY CHARMING MEN MAKE DANGEROUS LOVERS" THEN, THE POWER. BY RHONDA BYRNE. I have dated narcissists and had a close relative that was a narcissist. I hope that you REALLY ENJOY THESE BOOKS. I wish you the absolute best in your future!

[@misstango1001]

I won’t settle. I don’t need a man to validate me. I know my worth.

[@artemisappollo1491]

..the best response that I have heard in awhile!~much respect!😊😎

[@BrandiDWilliams]

@@artemisappollo1491 amen

[@PrettyPetite1]

Just got out of a toxic relationship with a mentally ill person. Lost myself. Now Working on my standards and self love, will be reading these books soon. Thank you

[@misstango1001]

Yes. Sounds like my story. Either he hid it well at first or I didn’t want to see it

[@jackiebennett3762]

Same here PrettyPetite1

[@jackiebennett3762]

That's the problem. We choose not to see it. Why?

[@luv2cook.]

@@jackiebennett3762 idk, but I am praying for all of you. And me. And my daughter

[@jackiebennett3762]

@@luv2cook. Thank you

[@sonyamoste]

I have high standards. A man I date needs to be loving, kind, athletic, fit, financially on his way to a secure retirement, no drama....which is what I expect of myself. Like seeks like.

[@jackiebennett3762]

Sonya you opened my eyes for future relationships. Thank you

[@ladygaynor16]

Absolutely!

[@EmmaB677]

Absolutely!

[@vernaabshire7040]

AA YEAH ITS CALLED COMMON SENSE

[@monikaballah931]

that should be the norm

[@1ginarossi]

Yes. I am a widow of 3yrs. It was a good 20 yr marriage full of respect, appreciation and love. Now dating for two yrs. I refuse to settle for less. Some of these dating sight men are so obvious. Most are either self absorbed; only interested in sex; female haters; or overly desperate. I'd rather wait for the right guy than waste my time being someone's mother, teacher, doormat, or hookup.

[@dinakemp2996]

Yes, I have standards. I read a book (can't remember the name of it-sorry) but it said, "you teach them how to treat you,by what you tolerate". And it went on to say, " how the relationship starts off,is how it will end". The more self love I have,the less tolerance I have for bad behavior. Thank you for the video 🌷

[@janiex740]

Respect yourself and your standards. If you don't.. no one else will either

[@candycamus]

It's such a fine line between being compassionate, having standards and knowing when it's time to say F you. lol

[@wei-jen]

Yes. Keep my standard and do not ever lower it because of my feelings towards him.

[@JonathonAslay]

YES!

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

For sure, me too! Learned this the hard way though but now I know! ❤️

[@tess7539]

Absolutely! We sometimes get caught up in the emotional side of things. Well.....that was my experience! Love the “watermark” analogy Jonathan. Another great video. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@misstango1001]

@@tess7539 I did that because I was so lonely. Now I have respect and self live. I would expect the nan to respect me and see where it leads. No rushing. I hopped into bed way to fast

[@misstango1001]

@@tess7539 I allowed myself to enter into a friends with Benifits. Works for men not us

[@Sarabell239]

I’m learning about boundaries after recovering from a 17 year relationship with a narc. Glad to have found this!

[@ladygaynor16]

Please read,WHY CHARMING MEN MAKE DANGEROUS LOVERS. Available on ebay.

[@ladygaynor16]

"When you set your boundries, you don't meet their needs!"

[@acd1168]

That’s amazing.

[@zz-ic6vy]

Any suggestions where to start to learn about boundaries?

[@susandevonport4904]

R.E.S.P.E.C.T = priorities! Men who have low standards themselves are not boyfriend material and certainly not husband material.

[@karol4351]

Thank you! This topic is so timely! I've been dating a man for 3 months. He adruptly ended the relationship just hours ago, stating.. " I'm sorry, but I don't think I can live up to your high standards".. In my eyes I am looking for the man that sees my value. Not in an "entitled" way, but just because I know who I am and the work I have done to get to this place. I needed this reminder!

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome

[@waitwhat6882]

You are awesome!

[@laundrybasket2689]

Same here. It’s so annoying how many men out there use that word, “entitled” when referring to a woman who has expectations from them as a result of high/higher standards. It’s NOT the same thing at all. I run into more men who more often than not consider the two things as mutually exclusive. Smh.

[@more444store6]

Pat yourself on the back, because, you probably just shed yourself of a narcissist! Seriously, good work there. Because they will not stand it unless they can control you and alter you.

[@katemiller7874]

At least he was honest about it so he doesn’t waste your time and you don’t waste his.

[@lisarockefeller1943]

Just bought your book. Love it! I have high standards and will not settle. There is no reason to settle. Better to be alone than lonely with the wrong person. Thank you for all your videos. Helped me out so much as I was healing from a long term relationship with a narcissist

[@JonathonAslay]

WOW! Thank you... hope you enjoy.

[@laundrybasket2689]

Been there and done that too. What a long nightmare that was.

[@karenwilliams2068]

Absol

[@karenwilliams2068]

Absolutely

[@lifeslessons9889]

I struggled for years ( probably due to my up bringing and feeling unloved unworthy and emotional neglect) ..so obviously my adult years with men were a flop. BUT at age 59 I decided to seek help with those issues…two years later ( and completely single ) suddenly everything changed ..the huge penny dropped. I suddenly loved myself, fucked off those draining human beings in ALL parts of my life and took my own control back …and now FINALLY and accidentally I’ve met a decent reliable respectful man who values me ..and himself. Yep VALUE yourself, know what and who you will not accept …and bingo it pops up to meet you ! This is soo true ..and very informative. ❤️

[@ladygaynor16]

I am in a relationship with a high quality man. I am a high quality woman. I have rejected the frogs, and finally kissed a prince!

[@lydiapicano8806]

Congratulations!

[@ladygaynor16]

@@lydiapicano8806 Thank you. I really appreciate your positivity. God bless you. x

[@gabriellazordan]

Congratulations , you are lucky 🍀

[@ladygaynor16]

@@gabriellazordan Thank you.

[@paysonadams4597]

@@gabriellazordan I don't think that's luck, Dear One.

[@Cantetinza17]

I just stopped associating myself with a guy that is a lost cause on respecting women. Standards is a big deal. Luckily my mom always spoke to my sister and I about having standards.

[@kellykersten8828]

He really should be talking to men about how they get women's respect.

[@ravenel2]

Yes. Bravo.

[@stephaniepersin4145]

It’s easier to patronize women instead.

[@kerridevol3018]

Agreed

[@katemiller7874]

It goes both ways sweetie

[@applieddealerservice]

Been on 19 dates in 2 months. I am a firm believer in this process. It’s a game of numbers! I won’t stop til I see better

[@ladygaynor16]

It may happen naturally. I wish you THE POSITIVE LAW OF ATTRACTION. PLEASE READ THE SECRET AND THE POWER BY RHONDA BRYNE. AVAILABLE ON EBAY.

[@Reshme77]

How were you asked out so many times?

[@kristitrimble9658]

@@Reshme77 Online dating...

[@skyehagenstein7883]

You are a brave and patient woman! I don’t like what I see available out there so I’m going to continue to focus on myself . I’m not into the games they play. I think when I’m ready, I will join some social clubs. I was married to a wonderful Man for 22 years… Parkinsons took him away from me.

[@judybargenquast7669]

A hard lesson to learn is that it is better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Once you truly feel this way you are ready for a relationship...should it happen. You will naturally not give any air to nonsense. No drama. No muss. No fuss.

[@northeastsunshine1050]

Yes Jonathan, once we realize he cannot give us what he doesn't have. As you say it all starts with "Self Love". When we are healthy. We refuse to lower our standards. I totally get it! I truly appreciate listening to you. Thankyou! Light and Love!

[@sherryb1083]

Ladies and men too. Please get What the heck is self love anyway. Its a great book and so helpful. You wont be disappointed.

[@JonathonAslay]

WOW! I'm honored, thank you.

[@sherryb1083]

@@JonathonAslay no thank you. It was amazing and so helpful. ❤

[@rosalindmillar9278]

Love the piechart. Always makes it clearer . Yes, I have my standards now. I have put up with so much inappropriate behaviour from men as my self esteem was so appalling....thank you Jonathan...you are a breath of fresh air

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome

[@Katrn30]

Now that I have worked on my self esteem, I now expect better of myself, and better for myself! It is the law of attraction.

[@monishavarma1277]

Standard can change depending on where you are in life

[@abigaledavis1223]

I remember some advice I got after a divorce . I had been married 25 years and couldn’t even think of dating. I remember a friend saying this won’t mean anything to you now, but when your ready raise your price. Your not a paper plate your fine China. Eventually I remarried and I still wonder did I raise my Chiba standard high enough. What do you do when a husband doesn’t always show respect? I know countless married women going through this not just single ladies. Husbands who won’t show respect . I think it’s a huge problem across the board.

[@LouLou-jo5ln]

Love your work Jonathon. This time around I have found someone who has respected me from the get-go. I agree it comes from him respecting himself, like you said. Thank you 💖 xx

[@JonathonAslay]

Wonderful!

[@karishapiro7279]

Much as the brutal honesty can be hard to hear, Jonathan’s words always resonate.

[@jewelk4986]

6:46 This is totally how I deal with men that don't accept my standards! I now have zero tolerance policy and am not going to settle for anything less then a man in that good 10% category. Jonathon's advice is golden! 👏👏👏

[@gloriaiarango]

This is very interesting to me. I don't know how but I know my standards since I was born. I never saw men disrespecting women in my home, never knew what cheating was, never ever a relative or friend insulted anyone in my family. I came to know about sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, jealousy, when I was an adult talking to other adults and I was baffled to say the least. When I started dating (not the american dating but the one where sex is not allowed) it was very easy for me to pick up good men. I know how I want to be treated and I treat the other the same way. Let's say if a man made a comment about anybody using adjectives as: idiot, stupid, ugly, whore, etc. I would say: every time you are talking about someone like that you are not letting me know that person you are letting me know YOU, how you perceive people and I don't like it. If I continue to hearing this kind of "opinions" about other people I'm going just to let you free of this relationship because today you are talking about other people that way and tomorrow you are talking about me and to me that way. Same with everything else. Never I allowed manipulations and games about getting sex from me until I was really sure about the quality of the man. I used to say: Darling our paths took us to here but that ends today, good luck and bye. Never a man insulted me or called me names because I was very observant of them and I was the first saying good bye. I'm 62 y.o. now and I don't understand the young women of today so shallow, entitled, very easy sexually, the look and act very desperate. They use a revolving door of men as a way to find "real love". It's never going to happen....

[@unicornsarereal8744]

Yes having standards when to say Yes and how to say No and keep loving yourself. #Boundaries ❤️Love This message

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you

[@misstango1001]

How to say no has been a big issue but through these videos I’m learning

[@jackiebennett3762]

@@misstango1001 same here

[@corichang]

"Please forgive the F word. Not very kind there," said Jonathan. 😅🤣 Is it just me but I thought it's usually timely and nicely as Johnathan puts it👍👍

[@carrielegg5480]

Wow!!!! Thank you!! 😊 I have been challenged for years not even understanding what it means to set standards. I didn't even what standards to set always being afraid that I would be left. Watching these videos is helping me to see to STOP leaning back thinking the man knows all and he is going to chase me and claim me! BS that is a crock of shot! Set my standards. Love myself. Respect myself! And guess what! I do love and respect myself!!

[@lauriesimonds9229]

Great video - thanks for the pie chart showing the % of men dealing with significant clinical issues. I'm a psych RN, and trust me - I see a lot of scary (and sad) behavior out there. Men (and women) need to deal with their own shit. By midlife, if we're not aware of & dealing with our own issues - then the shit usually wins out 😕 Everybody's shit stinks, but it's not my job to clean it up for them!!! # boundaries/standards/watermark 🙂

[@JonathonAslay]

Well said... we all have stuff, deal with it.

[@lisahowell6701]

Having trouble letting go! I seem to have ups and downs every day. Listening to you helps and I'm planning to order your book finally!!

[@pamelaholland4169]

Girl im laughing with you not at you... Letting go is hard, i get on him for any disrespect and after i drill the poor man (lol) telling him get lost, sternly, i ALWAYS call him 5 minutes or less trying to make up... Letting them return is 'tolerating' their crap ... 😏😓 and we 'miss' our cue to 'run' . Lol

[@angelinpdx2297]

This video is one of the best I’ve ever watched. Dating 101. Brilliant.

[@JonathonAslay]

WOW! Thanks

[@misstango1001]

Totally has started me on the right path

[@carolynayala1490]

Jonathan always makes me laugh. He’s so funny. Listening to him is entertaining yet comforting.

[@carolynayala1490]

Well then call me Jonathan. Ha!

[@CoreenKendrick]

Thanks for the reminder Jonathan. It's looking like the latest guy I have been dating is falling into the wounded category which is a shame because he's so cute. I've been through enough toxic relationships to not lower my standards anymore like I used to do to please these types! I can admit that I do feel stronger inside because I'm used to being alone and single which is a GREAT thing!! I appreciate all your videos!

[@JonathonAslay]

Sorry to hear that

[@lindawhitener3464]

Absolutely, so true! I made my standards clear fright from the beginning, and he respects that completely! Ladies, don’t ever disrespect yourself and lower your standards! Know what you deserve and stick to it! Thanks, Jonathon! 😘

[@InfiniteSoul91]

Have watched a few of your videos Jonathon & I got to say I love the naturalness of your delivery. Your message is affirming and refreshing. Thank you 💙

[@ChristineMercyJohnson]

I deeply respect your approach to relationship coaching. You are refreshingly mature and I often refer people to you because your no nonsense approach is wonderful. Thank you so much for all your support and commitment to training those willing to listen and learn.

[@metare]

Absolutely!! Standards is the key... That's why I get married only in 38y.o

[@brendaleverick3655]

I recall when the last man I tried to form a relationship with found out I wouldn't supply him with other women for him to have sex with and threw such a hissy fit! It was such a major disappointment to him to be stuck with ONLY me! 🙄😒

[@radicalhonesty3628]

42 years old. Never ever have I been in a relationship. I die of the shame and the grief of this... I don't know what's wrong with me? I can't figure it out. Am I not good looking enough? But I observe couples all around me, and they are most certainly NOT together for each other's looks... So what the fuck is it then? Why? Why not me? I absolutely die of the shame and the grief and the confusion...

[@stephaniemichellexo4976]

Question.... I see this advise everywhere about standards standards, don’t let men walk all over you, make sure he respects you, otherwise say goodbye etc. But if you’re already dating a man, there’s a process of learning each other. You’re not just going to cut him off immediately for every little mark he misses with you. HOW do you express your standard & how you want to be treated without coming off like his mom or that you’re trying to change him? I used to be more of a doormat style, but I’m trying to grow and learn better. My experience is that when I try to express what I need or that something he did bothered me (and what will work better) ... it’s met with defensiveness and he gets pissed or turned off; as if I’m scolding him and saying he’s not enough. WHAT do we do when he disrespects us or tries to test us so that we are respected but NOT seen as a bitch? A mistake I used to make a lot is talking about it but not giving any real consequence like pulling away or taking space. I’d be upset at him and I’d tell him about it, but I’d still be available and hangout even when I felt he wasn’t respecting me bc I wanted the connection to stay strong. So I’d end up being “all talk” which I learned men don’t listen to lol so over time I got no respect. Almost like he quickly learned to just call my bluff. But pulling back or making the guy wait and come to me feels weird bc that’s not my natural tendency. So WHAT should we be actually doing and saying in order to get that respect without triggering his ego? Because I feel like I don’t know how to get respect from a man without him feeling dominated or without pulling away every time I get upset so he “knows” I’m willing to walk away 🥴

[@shelley1071]

If he can't receive what you are telling him bothers or hurts you, it will only get worse ... and you'll be like me ...13 yrs later you realize you lost those years. Listen to your gut. Dont ignore the signs like I did!! Some people come into our lives to teach a lesson. Only you know what is best for you! Good luck to you 🤗

[@halah.2073]

Hi. I heard some coaches say to reframe the complaint positively. So if a negative feeling comes up for you, state the opposite positive feeling of it, and what kind of action brings that forward. Or statements like: "I would love it if..." and state how that action makes you feel positively. I also read from the Gottman Institute that couples in conflict have a 5:1 positive to negative reinforcement IN the conflict. All along with positive reinforcement on a daily basis for the kind things they do for us every day, no matter how small. I disagree with using "walking-away" as a means to make someone act the way we want them to - I think it resembles control and manipulation. I believe we should only walk away when we truly see no good in the relationship, and doing so is in complete conviction, even if we love that person to bits, but we still love ourselves a little bit more. I'm also learning, slowly lol, that we don't need to react to eery single word a man makes. They probably know when they're "misbehaving". I don't think there needs to be a discussion on every single word that turns us off, sometimes we can just disengage/ignore. I think ignoring is an art in of itself. At the end of the day, I think we all end up doing stupid mistakes in a relationship, knowing we ought to do better, but we're not perfect. I hope you find this helpful. It's a constant work of practice and I don't think we should set the bar too high expecting ourselves to get things perfectly at one point.

[@Mayfloweralways]

It depends on the man. Sometimes, he just doesn’t respect you and doesn’t want to hear it because he doesn’t value you, what I’ve learned about men is keep it short and to the point. And say things without blame or anger. Once you’ve said it, that’s it. Don’t keep saying it. That just makes it look like you’re all talk and what you say doesn’t really matter and you’re just a broken record with no backbone. At that point it’s action. Stop being available. Stop doing things for him. Drift away a little. Let him feel your absence. But not in a vindictive way. Just be busy with friends. Busy doing things for yourself. If he finally gets it, and starts trying to be there for you, just say how much you appreciate it. Talk a little. But let your actions speak more, if he disrespects you.

[@lizsabatini211]

I had success with a man who actually "wanted" me. Out on a dinner date he was upset that the Thai restaurant didn't have bananas so he could impress me with the amazing Thai dessert thats made with warm coconut milk and bananas. He reprimanded the SERVER harshly for not having bananas! I was a bit embarrassed but mostly displeased with his disrespectful and arrogant behavior toward this innocent person. At the time I was a 'server' myself at a classy local restaurant . So.... I waited til the next day to address my concern of seeing his unkind behavior toward a server in what looked to me to be an attempt to show off his 'manlyness'. I told him I would not ever want to serve him again if he spoke to me like that as a customer. And I told him I though it was 'inapproprate' and 'scary' to me and continued saying to him, what would stop him from treating me like that? He heard me (listened to me) and respected my feelings and opinion. I used I statements and did not ask him to change or give an ultimatum. I simply made it clear that that behavior would be a hindrance to my trusting him and loving him. (I wasn't 'in-love' with him yet and he knew it .... btw: He said he loved me practically daily and I said genuinely, "Thank you." each time until we crossed a few more behavior obsticles and after about 4 months he earned my love and trust . And I earned his respect.

[@One1Luv]

Honey ...... If a guy EVER disrespect’s you (PERIOD) you simply say “Your behavior is completely unacceptable!!! Get out. And if you’re at his place, you leave without another word. If you are out together, you leave without him. If he MUST take you home ...... Follow up the above statement with; take me home NOW! My Ex boyfriend and I were once going out somewhere, and he completely lost his mind, and started to berate me (I didn’t know that he was a narcissist at the time, I didn’t even know what that was) but I knew that I wasn’t going to tolerate that behavior. I did NOT question his behavior, because it didn’t matter “why” he did it. I didn’t care “how” he was feeling ..... (btw, we were NOT arguing) this was an attack out of the blue. I calmly told him, NOBODY talks to me like that! My own parents never spoke disrespectfully to me, and I sure wasn’t going to let him. Turn the car 🚘 around immediately ..... and take me back home. My ONLY plan ..... was to NEVER speak to him again!!! I don’t need Toxic individual’s in my life. I don’t care WHO they are anymore. I can barely control myself (eating healthy, exercising, and doing everything that I should be doing in life) ..... I damn sure can’t be running 🏃‍♀️ around making sure he was behaving himself too! You just get a attitude, and say it! If need be. And if you think you might call him, block his number and then erase it. Unfriend on every platform, and throw everything out that he gave you ..... except perfume. 😊

[@kellisilva402]

Did all that he seemed super respectful but once I moved across the country (and I mean within 3 days) all bets were off. On another note got your book finally started reading it 😊 and lastly thanks for the hugs as always right back atcha 🤗 I finally got a rescue pup so at the end when you say hug someone next to you I finally could 😊 dogs are the best

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing

[@Jennifer-iw9bl]

Never look for comfort in an animal. It's disrespectful to the animal.

[@ruthmorales7839]

I’m looking for your book this weekend. I’m on the path of self discovery and healing. A big thank you to you for helping us girls navigate through all these challenges.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

No matter How good looking, or wealthy a man is , he’s not getting sex. These men expect sex because they’re so wealthy or good looking.

[@michekids]

No sex for anyone. I am mining for emotional maturity. It takes time to determine. Sex mudies the waters, and is too risky.

[@lisavazquez3651]

I have standards but went through an hurtful relationship with a narc for almost three years to learn this skill. Thanks for your post!

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome

[@lunastella2323]

I had a clear idea of what I wanted from a relationship in the long run. It made (in my opinion) things much easier in dating. I always made my intentions and expectations clear from the beginning. If it scares them off, the less trouble for both. If they stayed but still ended up on a different path then it was easier to party ways in a kind and respectful manner.

[@31Alden]

Digging the watermark analogy. Standards/Boundaries: Find out what they mean to me. Another great video, Jonathan. Thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

My pleasure!

[@sharice2525]

Thank you for all your videos, Jonathon! I listen to you and feel like I’m the shit and shouldn’t put up with shit! Then I’ll listen to other videos by other dating coaches and feel like I’ve lost all rational thought. I love that you tell it how it is and tell us not to put up with bullshit. My self esteem was pretty much wrecked by a narcissistic ex husband. My self esteem has grown and I know I’m a decent looking woman with much to offer. I really appreciate you and your ‘F’ bombs! 😁

[@JonathonAslay]

WOW! Thanks

[@elfa9191]

U are sooo right!!. U are the only one who says it.... There are things that WON'T work with some " kind" of men. No matter what u do.

[@joanb8489]

I believe I learned this lesson well from a sick narcissist. It's a shame that so few percentage of men value women as they should. It's better to have standards and possibly be alone and happy, than to not have standards and be abused and mistreated by a small, small man.

[@Ohkeh640]

Agreed

[@sarahbarnett1144]

If women are doing their Shadow work, raising their vibrations and showing themselves love, then men will HAVE to follow suit. Women need to be reminded of their power. We truly hold all the cards & the feminine energy shift is eminent.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@ozzyoz5210]

Accepting less than we deserve is disrespecting ourselves. I've had enough of that in my life. I'm truly an over comer!

[@hiannahgus574]

@ozzy oz’: same here! I feel more empowered now than I have in decades!

[@tarottimewithandie]

We have to reprogram our self talk. Be kind. Tell ourselves what we always needed to hear from parents we never received. Our brain will believe it.

[@magickal02]

I like “Self-Sovereignty” better than the word “standards”. Thank you for your help, Jonathon. Can you also provide some examples? 🎯🌈

[@genna2586]

Totally resonates. Thanks Jonathon for succinctly spelling out that standards is the key to happiness for self and in relationships.

[@YourFashionTherapist]

That’s Dr. Pat Allen she’s been doing her thing for 49 years and her book getting to thee i do helps a lot of people. And conversational rape among other good reads. She has a great communication tool for conflicts 😊 . She talks about 4 poor ways communicating as well. When you quote her, also go into it a bit more there’s more layers like you are saying with wounds and doing inner work it blends well with what you say here. She says the only way you know your love yourself is the way you make and keep agreements. When you see someone that can’t do this watch out ! Love your videos always and forever 💋💋💋💋 I’m gonna buy that date book you mentioned

[@YourFashionTherapist]

Lol i can’t have a hug i live alone

[@YourFashionTherapist]

@@sovereign.spirit yasss celebrating you on your love journey ! So thankful for research of love on this page and dr pat Allen it’s helped a lot !

[@CorporateQueen]

8 dates is a great book. Yes my date suggested a booty call. He was surprised to get my response..😂

[@robinwagner3293]

Thanks Jonathon. I think that I understand. I have been married once. That ended in divorced. Instead of establishing boundaries and expectations for myself, I just settled for the first person that came along. Not a good idea. I am no expert, but what I get out of this is love yourself, know what it is you want, and don't settle for anything else.

[@karronfisher4188]

Glad you found someone hope it works! For many years I have explored my deepest feelings about ,me,people,relationships! And yes finally I understand myself and what truly feeds my soul! Now I could recognize the right man! Standards are necessary ,not for judging people's selfworth we are all in need of adjustments but to know if their are connections and growth! Take care

[@tianiemitchell5692]

Thank you for apologizing Jonathan we know you're very passionate about your work but yes some of us don't like to listen to the f word

[@JonathonAslay]

I appreciate that

[@MariSunshine_Tarot]

Love this message I am developing boundaries and standards! 🥰💜 thanks for the quick video. I prefer these shorter ones to a half hour or hour one, just my preference. Thanks again!

[@birdagram]

Awesome channel, so full of positivity. Amen to us ladies knowing our standards!

[@mf4176]

Yes I’ve established my standards of self respect

[@judithhosier8560]

Love your videos! Yes, I've got Standards; not only am I prioritizing them with my husband, I'm prioritizing them with my children as well! Judy!❤

[@lyndarubicz5762]

Not yet in a relationship, but I’m working on standards and boundaries. Any man who doesn’t meet them gets ignored. Also, thank you for promoting Barbara’s book! I own it, but haven’t read it in years. Maybe it’s time to get it back out! Good reminder, thanks!

[@JonathonAslay]

You got this!

[@kendrariedelrealestateprof2932]

Yes!!! This makes perfect sense. I'm literally just learning how to set boundaries. It's giving me strength. Yay

[@hiannahgus574]

@ Kendra Riedel : I so agree. I am treating myself and acting like a woman who loves herself and has high standards. It’s now how I behave, eat, move, dress, work, etc. It’s a total belief and lifestyle change!

[@laurentyson]

Thank you, great information. I had to watch two times to catch it all. Your pie chart to help understand men is an eye opener and will be useful, i.e.: 10% of men have clinical issues (narcissism, sociopath, etc.); 40% struggling with issues, stuck in their wounds and trauma from childhood or adulthood; 10% respect women from the get-go; 40% will "lean into" respecting the woman who truly respects herself. Learning a lot and appreciate your guidance.

[@pinkypie445]

Don't settle for less than what you deserve. 💖

[@melissaszarka5718]

Standards are vital in any relationship, especially male to female. If you don't have any, start now. You are worth it.💖

[@madisonnanda5246]

I love your work. Basically it’s the law of attraction. A woman attracts what she vibrates. Use that as an indicator. If you don’t like who you attract you have work to do on yourself . And when you get in the fullness of who you are your perfect partner will effortlessly appear. Saves a lot of time.

[@catchcourtcourt]

I’ve never established standards. Other than no cheating or calling me names I don’t even know what my standards are anymore.

[@JonathonAslay]

How often would you like to SEE the man you're dating is an example of a standard... does that help?

[@catchcourtcourt]

@@JonathonAslay Yes, it does. I think I struggle with not wanting to come off demanding or needy. If I set that expectation, I always worried I would be deemed at such.

[@ladygaynor16]

Please read, WHY CHARMING MEN MAKE DANGEROUS LOVERS. AVAILABLE ON EBAY. ANOTHER BOOK CALLED THE RULES. THE SECRET AND THE POWER BY RHONDA BYRNE. ALL AVAILABLE ON EBAY!

[@ladygaynor16]

@@catchcourtcourt There was a book out about a few years ago, called The Rules. I also recommend THE SECRET AND THE POWER BY RHONDA BYRNE.

[@melissahall3245]

Standards are essential, it comes from knowing yourself first...! After the nonsense and lessons comes this beautiful wisdom! Embrace it !

[@godessunivers6941]

Thank you for theses crucial information that you teach us,we need them,because our parents,grandparents didn't teach us all this,because they themselves didn't know any better 🙏💙 I used to have my boundaries, but my narcissist husband absolutely desmentaled me! I'm up know setting boundaries don't take any bs from no one! I value my peace more then anything 🥰

[@christinacashady3421]

I'm just learning how to set up boundaries and standards .. Just lost the guy I was talking with.... LOL unreal 🤦

[@ladygaynor16]

Yes, i have. "When i set my boundaries, i don't meet their needs!"

[@justme1195]

Thank you for all the hugs and great book recommendations, Jon!

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome!

[@jmacias6569]

Thanks for the hug. Love you! ❣🙏🙂

[@maidenmarian1]

Having morals is a good thing. I like hearing this so much. Thank you so much! I'm frustrated but not dating. I may date again in the future....maybe very very soon...you are helping us!!! THANK YOU!!

[@katesun2957]

Absolutely, you make sense. I write my standard on dating sites, which I'm not on now, yet I'm getting asked out all the time now and saying, no.

[@lindalaverdureaqua9654]

🙏🏻❤️🤗 I know my standards, will never lower myself, Love myself First will all the joy deserving in this Life.

[@ColoradoCatherine]

I really appreciate this video. Thank you for encouraging us to always keep our standards or watermark. I also love your book recommendations.

[@splitraven7060]

I found my prince. He likes me so very much. We are a great match! I told him after two weeks of talking that we are. We still talk and it’s been nearly 6 months. I feel at a loss. He says distance is the issue 😔. It’s not. We are only 6 hours apart. It’s like driving to Miami. You just make it happen. We both have strong feelings for each other.

[@4288Zia]

WOW...thank you for making this so super clear! Jonathan what would I do without your great advice. I absolutely love it! You are changing lives. ❤️🌞💫

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad it was helpful!

[@keisee1378]

I think it would be nice if you could concentrate the points that you think are useful in these books and share it with us because most of the time, the reason people watch these videos is that they don't have the time to read 15 books and instead want quicker information. The gist of the idea is useful but it'd be nice if this goes into more details.

[@JonathonAslay]

Will do... thanks for the suggestion.

[@cheryallenjenkins9800]

I certainly have my standard,it is very important for my well being. Thank you Jonathon, I enjoy your talks . Peace and love

[@aymeeab]

I know and keep my standards, I'm just learning how to talk about it before one is broken and have to end the relationship

[@biondna7984]

Standards: (1) he's single and wants company; (2) he's bigger than me (taller and broader, because I'm athletic); (3) he's good in his own skin, and thus is kind to others; (4) he knows some of his best years are still ahead of him, and he's getting ready for them, by taking care of himself; (5) we have a few shared common activities, and enjoy that our unshared differences everywhere else make us exciting to each other, and (6) he also wants exclusivity and monogamy.

[@roslyndrayton6716]

Yup! Boundaries and Standards...that is important.

[@gaylesantone1885]

Johnathan: you are the best! Keep making our love life’s BETTER!

[@jijadelmais]

I do not know what I want exactly, but I do know what I do not want, and that helps a lot 😏.

[@wealthyraeharward5334]

I understood everything, and yet, none of it makes any difference if your significant other is determined that you are not even worth their time. For over 46 years, this human being did everything in his power to make it known to me just what a big piece of crap he thought I was. He was cheating, beating me up, going to my family and everybody he could to make sure they ALL knew everything was always my fault. He still threatens me with tossing me out on the street. Now, he has my daughter singing his song. My grandson, that I raised, at 25 years old, still has no job, stays up all night gaming, then sleeps all day. I am stuck. I am stuck. It just infuriates me. He has changed my car title, my property from inheritance, and my attitude towards everything. I am living a nightmare. I have uncontrolled asthma and now, can’t work. He constantly threatens me. This so-called human being is beyond my understanding. I am stuck. The only thing I can, if you will, is myself. He has ruined ANY relationship I had with my daughter. What now? Do I just die to get out of a situation that I got into ages ago?

[@romainecalm1108]

You die they win. F*ck that! My heart is with your heart ❤️

[@sigthom3711]

This was very helpful and encouraging. I recently ended a relationship with a guy who I really wanted to be with because I didn’t hold one of my standards. I want to get married because it seems like the right thing to do. The bf/gf title after a certain age just seems so juvenile. So of course there’s always the mention of marriage but no action. We lived together and had a baby. Still no marriage and in fact, the conversation of marriage is getting less and less. Even his efforts are getting less and less because maybe he feels like I’m not going anywhere. But hey, I’m not married and I did leave. I hate to create another broken home but I want a true partnership. Not someone who acted like someone who was serious then started dropping the ball once things got real

[@hiannahgus574]

@ Sig Thom: so proud of you for loving yourself and your baby enough to have a standards for what level of commitment you need to be in the relationship after a period of time. You will find a man in time who loves and values you both.

[@PREZWorld67]

I agree, best thing is we must know how to exit in a toxic relationship gracefully 🤗🤗🤗