The #1 Thing Men Say to Avoid Commitment

[@greatsm2videl]

Very good point about not letting hope blind you. It’s so easy to do. Also, I would add that maybe when they say “open to a relationship with the right person”, they’re subtly putting the pressure on and putting the ball in YOUR court for you to “prove” *you’re* the right person for them without them putting in much effort-for you to jump through hoops and do everything perfectly in order for them to bestow the title of relationship. It keeps you endlessly trying to prove you’re good enough, until they get tired of you, or decide that you didn’t meet their unrealistic criteria (because they never really wanted a relationship, or their expectations are so high that you couldn’t meet them anyway).

[@largolagrande]

"For the right person" is a phrase I typical associate with women's expectations. Among other phrases that serve pretty much the same purpose. Indirectly implying... Your not good enough for me if you don't live up to "my standards". Of course they don't need to match their own standards.

[@greatsm2videl]

@@largolagrande True, definitely not saying the lack of commitment/unrealistic standards can’t apply to women as well. Just speaking from my perspective since I’m a woman. :)

[@destinykiki1]

So true!

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

Interestingly, I saw a male dating channel, say this exact same line as a way to keep the partner keen And I’m sure it works a lot, a lot more than I wanted to. It does seem in an ethical Greyzone though. If it is the honest truth that you could imagine this going somewhere, but you’re not sure yet then so be it but if you use it as a manipulation then I don’t approve of it.

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

It's a hard truth but chemistry is a good start but not enough. Right and Ready is what you should follow.

[@thinkinginn7443]

I appreciate that you’ve cited this phrase, and it’s many variations, as a loophole that people would use in dating that, through their actions, can be a giveaway of their lack of wanting commitment. In my dating experience, I’ve come across this phrase usually from someone who didn’t want to date ME seriously. However, in typical swindler fashion, they still wanted to date me, but knew that if they said ‘I don’t want anything serious’, they’d either lose me completely or know that I’d entertain other options. And tbh, no one likes being treated like an option. But there’s a mindset in certain people that like to avoid commitment, but rather than be honest, play ‘open to’ to keep their options open especially with people that would seek that commitment. Or, as my mom would put it, ‘some people love to casually date, but also hate being casually dated’.

[@nance6930]

Your mum is wise

[@thinkinginn7443]

@@nance6930 She was. I’m remembering how she’d have all these phrases about what Matthew discussed and remembering that the reasons people give you don’t matter, the answer is no. Or as he put it, ‘respond to your reality, not his reasons’.

[@JayJay-kp1sn]

this is exactly what just happened to me... had to cut it radically. crying in my pillows but there is no other way. thank you Matthew

[@angellinegirl]

This happened to me too and ended up staying with someone who was keeping me at arm's length for 2 years because he kept stringing me along. Trust me, it's best to get out of a situation like this as early as possible.

[@cupofcate5878]

So far, in my experience, I’ve learnt that if you feel you need to clarify where you stand with the person you’re dating… most likely you’ve noticed something is off, even subconsciously. I feel that if you meet the right person, you can sense they genuinely want to see you for the right reasons and they are not afraid to share. Also I noticed that it’s important to disconnect to what you hope to hear when you face this type of conversation. Communication and clarification are important and sometimes you put into words even with the right person but the feeling you have right before that conversation won’t be fear.

[@sk4swatikapoor]

This is not a RELATIONSHIP but a SITUATIONSHIP..

[@MotocrossElf]

This is important. Plus the other side. If you want a serious relationship and the person you're seeing tells you straight they don't want a serious relationship; don't lie to them or yourself and say it's okay, you *could* be open to a casual connection and keep seeing them. Because that also isn't going to work. You will be disappointed, and will put them in the position of having to let you down. Whatever people want in dating & relationships is fine, but you must be honest with them and with yourself. If your relationship goals/needs are not compatible, it's better to just be transparent about that and move on, rather than equivocate out of loneliness or lust, only to have it blow up spectacularly in both your faces later. Move on and give yourself a chance to meet someone who wants & needs the same things you do.

[@tomdrummy4984]

This video comes down to one thing……..there is a difference between I “could be” open……..and I “AM” open …..to a relationship. 🙂

[@thecurrentmoment]

Well said

[@isabellezionchipochaishe7103]

Yoh I have been sleeping on Matthew Hussey the whole time. You are very hilarious yet you deliver facts in yet a very most compassionate way. Loove looove the realness of the animation in your delivery.

[@sadiaali9198]

Indeed. Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes, but no plans.

[@krissyk354]

This spoke to me on so many levels. I put myself in that one sided not ready kind of relationship. Even when I knew he wasn’t the one for me (after knowing him for 15 years) I still put myself to have fun with him and casually hangout. He’s now engaged and found his person. I realized after that he was never mine. Like this video said, you have to be ready and it has to feel right. Wish I had seen this sooner but it’s okay cause I’m learning now. Thank you Matthew for this ❤️ 😊

[@jessdelcardo3102]

The right person is both right and ready if there not ready then they’re not right 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@fathima8346]

Thank you Matt . I have been going through painful emotions due to dating . It’s really nice to be able to come to a safe space and watch your videos . Your thoughts and ideas are so valuable . Thank you Matt / Matt’s brother / Matt colleague / Matt’s partner !

[@Whoeverwhateverwhenever]

Girls, why bother what men want? What do YOU want!? Ask yourself.

[@ray076NL]

because you supposedly dont want to die alone, thats why you should care what men want and not only the fuckboys youve been dating

[@yukee1127]

Perhaps a man who wants to commit? 😂

[@ray076NL]

@@yukee1127 had some issues with the badboys?

[@thecurrentmoment]

Answer: If you want a man you have to think about what that man wants. If a man wants a woman he needs to think about what she wants. It's called 'human interaction' The end

[@yukee1127]

@@thecurrentmoment what about the men who doesn’t know what they want in the future? Just drop them?

[@Sashsays6]

The guy: I could be..... a swindley arse hole 😂😂

[@lovestyleangel]

This was very useful, really. I currently am in my first relationship ever, at 29 years old, and it's all been great. I can tell he's a good person after these 2 months of being together. The only doubt I had was that he is still not able to call me his girlfriend. He says we're "dating" and that's okay, but by this point, and the things we've been through together I wish we could make it more official. But this video shows me that we're going in the right direction and that there's not any red flags I should be scared of. He definitely does not seem to be a swindler. Thank you Matthew, as always, for all the advice.

[@OkThen2024]

“I could be a pillow!” 😂

[@katkanegyke177]

Isn’t this the same as saying “lets just go with flow and see where things go…” 😏

[@squidskirt]

I feel like matthew hussey knows what another matthew did to me just 2 hours ago. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 months and when i asked about commitment earlier, he just bluntly said he doesnt have strong feelings to commit to me. It hurts so bad because i thought this could go somewhere 😢

[@PossumLover1111]

I know that pain but move on and find someone who is looking for the same thing you are in a relationship. This man doesn't deserve you. Find the confidence and self-respect/love to get out now and be relieved that you dodged this bullet and didn't give him more months or years of your wasted time with him. It takes courage to say 'goodbye' but after the hurt dies down, and the anger subsides.....you'll feel stronger and eventually ready to look for someone else. I wish you the best.

[@mariavde269]

feel hugged.. the bright side is that you know where you stand after 4 months, not after 4 years or so, it hurts but it just means that he is not the right person for you.. I heard it too and it felt bizarre because I never had experoences like this before, the guys I dated earlier always met up with me because they wanted to be in a relationship with me, I didn´t know any other way before..the world changes and MH keeps shedding light on these changes

[@carlel121]

Leave him alone and give him space, zero contact to him and eventually he might feel he misses you and has feelings for you, it happened with my now husband in the beginning of the relationship, my story is above! With some grammatical errors that KZbin don’t allow me to correct 🙄

[@jewels.x_x]

So sorry to hear this. I know the pain all too well. You can't change anyone so I would move on and not settle. Take some time for yourself to heal, and then you will eventually meet someone who shares the same values as you. And that is something you will be interested in building on. There is no foundation with this guy but at least you found out now instead of later. Good luck.☮️🙏

[@kristenfromOZ]

Next!!!! Don't even think more about him he isn't worth it

[@pandorasbox1658]

I’m a 51 year old divorced woman back on the dating scene, and I say this line all the time. Ultimately I want the right person, but I am not going to tie myself down too quickly in the early phase that’s all romantic and exciting, only to discover that they are not compatible with me in the long run. But at the same time, I know this is a convenient line to use for someone who just wants to avoid commitment altogether. It’s all about the individual. Read the whole context.

[@carlosmarino3567]

Everything that comes out this man's mouth is pure gold

[@juliekrol]

I think the key takeaway is: be very worried if some says ‘I am a pillow’ 😂

[@amiramahgoub]

The way that I feel excited for a new relationship a new beginning make me ready. 100 % at least I'm thinking of it the most of the time. I can say... Yes, I'm ready for a new relationship. Yet I'm still grieving of my past,, of my lost. The one that I loved most leaving me now in this coming mother day. Leaving me alone.

[@JoanneAndres]

Well said! Thanks for this. It totally opened my eyes with this guy I started seeing which will no longer be by tomorrow when I let him know😊

[@LuciaCasucci]

Unfortunately, I have been going out with at least 6 guys over the last 2 months from dating apps and they all used this phrase...like they would commit maybe if you were an unicorn but very unlikely. So frustrating because they put on the app that they are interested in relationship...

[@mette1983]

Me too! So annoying😌

[@ineedhoez]

They arent open. I auto reject any man that doesn't have marriage or relationship as their goal. No need to even entertain any non sense. At the end of the day, I need a man with a strong sense of self, who is stable, and knows what he wants. That is very soothing and attractive to me. A man who gives qualified and evasive answers is unattractive. He is either being a snake or he is insecure. No dice either way. Low key, the uncertainty is a trigger for me. Ironically, I've found myself entertaining men who only wanted casual because I was attracted to the clarity.

[@ShadowbannedAccount]

@@ineedhoez Lmao. You're above 30 and you're running out of time.

[@adilahaz]

I've always go into dating as if I'm the one with choices 🤣

[@PossumLover1111]

I love this attitude and applaud you for bringing it up here. Good for you!!!

[@nursesam1740]

This is already so great! 😂I like the steps of progress you discuss because truly everything can seem like it’s going well but if they say the things you mentioned it’s not a 100% for sure and that they’re excited about it so this was helpful!

[@lichen9071]

"I can see myself committing to the right person" is the most dangerous phrase men use to influence women. Firstly, this statement will give many women an illusion. It pushes them to prove they're the one. As result, the man can easily get what he wants from these women. The second benefit is whenever he wants to pull away from the woman because he already has what he wants, no one could blame him for wasting her time or even using her. He can always say "Sorry, you're not the right one for me". This is particularly cruel and mean because the woman now is left questioning herself "what's wrong with me? Am I not good enough?" A good man will give an honest and clear answer to the woman he is dating. Because an answer like „I will commit to the right one“ has no real content to your question, since everybody commits to the right one - that is almost the definition of “the right one”! So an "I don't know" would be more honest and fair. Because she might not like to hear it, but she now has the information she needs to make her decision about whether or not she wants to continue dating him. I have heard many men said „I will commit to the right one”. But none of them have committed themselves to a serious relationship with any woman ever. I mean that says a lot. These are often men with unrealistically high expectations of "the right person" or men who deliberately use the sentence as an excuse. So ladies, I encourage you to ask men more questions whenever a man gives you such an answer. For example, you can simply ask him “What qualities/attitudes does the right person need to have?” If you both have been dating each other for several months, you can also ask “Am I the person you can imagine yourself committed to?” - that’s a tough one but very effective. Because most men don’t find easy to lie to you if they just like to have some fun with you.

[@ineedhoez]

I think you are wrong. Most people commit to the wrong person. Hence the high ass divorce rates. If a guy tells me he is looking for the right one, all that does is make me want to understand him better so I can find out what that means. For example, the right one may mean he wants someone who is passionate about charity, loves farm life, and wants a big family. Now that I know what he wants, I can see that I am absolutely NONE of those things and keep it moving. If I am those things, then we can see if we have the shared values, goals, and morals. It is not a guarantee of relationship sucess but we should be moving towards something. I could be exactly what he wants but he could have terrible communication skills, unresolved trauma, or something else gets in the way. You still have to learn the person.

[@tasrajwani]

"I COULD be. I could be an astronaut, I could be a pillow." Haha

[@How.Dare.You.]

Ive just had a realisation that hit me like a ton of bricks. Think what a rotten spolied reckless prick a guy must be if he continues to sleep with you claiming the sex is amazing and yet not want to take it further. Mindblown. I cant imagine as a woman to desire a guy physically and yet not want to do anything else with him. If I did I wouldnt have even liked or known myself. Its sooo freaking rare to meet someone you really fancy, that when it happens one should really appreciate it and make it grow. Those who do the opposite dont deserve love or a single great woman longing for him. If a woman is promiscious shes automatically categorised and treated as a no relationship material, period. Why do we make excuses for guys who dont want to comit instead of just placing him in his little nasty fboy box??

[@thekidkazoo]

Because they like to say they’re poly and then everyone’s like “oh right right yes it’s okay then”🌝

[@spookylittlebat]

@@thekidkazoo What? Poly people have committed relationships… just multiple committed relationships.

[@thekidkazoo]

@@spookylittlebatyou’re missing what I’m saying. There are men who abuse poly and give it a bad name, by saying they can’t be in a relationship because they’re poly.

[@spookylittlebat]

@@thekidkazoo If they “can’t be in a relationship because they’re poly”, then they’re not poly. That’s like the opposite of what that means, it doesn’t make sense. The response to that shouldn’t be saying that’s okay. Being poly is okay, but that just isn’t poly. Call them out on that BS. Perhaps they’re non-monogamous, but not poly, and either way, that doesn’t mean it has to be okay for you to be involved with. But, seek clarity on what they mean.

[@thekidkazoo]

@@spookylittlebat I’m sorry if my sarcasm wasn’t evident in my original comment, but you’re telling me things I already know.

[@ornellastlouis-nahous1887]

😂😂😂😂why is this video making me laugh so much ???😂😂😂😂

[@littleflower115]

Same here 🤣

[@hadi20233]

Mmmmm, I prefer Matthew's videos to be less clowny & more serious. We are listening to serious advice regarding red flags, a potential new relationship etc. I'm not saying he should be like a headmaster. I understand when Matthew does his 3 day coaching that you have to book for that fun is part of it but regarding KZbin videos I vote for the old Matthew back, less of the comedy act please Matthew! XxX

[@lopella]

This sucks but it is 100% accurate in my recent experience. Lots of guys say this as a way to avoid being honest that they are just looking for a casual experience.

[@thecurrentmoment]

I think being in a relationship is something many guys are careful about entering because of bad experiences or perceptions, e.g. when a woman wins every argument, blames him for everything, etc. I think many guys like that would prefer to keep it casual until they feel a relationship with THAT person would be a good idea, I.e. until they get to know them. But I guess in that case they fit the first description better, rather than the second.

[@largolagrande]

I feel like nowadays a relationship has to be earned and is no longer given.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@largolagrande probably true. I think sex might be given out too freely as well.

[@hgfw9295]

I'm open, it's a possibility, time will tell, let's go with a flow and grow it organically, I see myself having a family and being married one day etc. All the phrases to keep women legs closed, please ladies!

[@MrColdNoodles]

"I like you too much to call this a thing."

[@VocalGymnast]

This is plain as day gaslighting- sooo transparent lol I may really like you, at the same time I respect and I like myself too much for this - so I’m out. 😉

[@angellinegirl]

Lol this is similar to my ex replying to my question about what I am to him with: "My girlfriend?" With a question mark...❓️😆

[@anyakos9693]

Gosh, literally what's happening now with the guy I like. There's no progress at all... I disregarded potential partners just for this slight hope. I need to forget that chemistry that we have... Really feeling stupid right now... :/

[@Chiungalla79]

Love might be rare. And it is necessary. But it is NOT enough.

[@Sugarlips321]

Keep your options open until you have exclusivity.

[@tynaturkova361]

Life lesson - it's ok. We learn and grow. ;)

[@Lalala-f2q]

You are not alone! You got this girl! 💪

[@liothomasart]

Plenty of fish 😊

[@monkeydluffy2361]

Bro out here spilling all the beans😭😭😭

[@jesslove83]

Omg lol i hope I get the opportunity to give the response “yeah, and I could be a pillow.” Lmao I would so say that

[@MissCurlyNerdy]

"I could be a pillow." 🤣🤣🤣

[@rhiannonh.7463]

“with the right person…”, meaning? Someone and that isn’t you. I always pay attention if it’s directed at me or away from me when someone says something about commitment. Because if it was, “open to a relationship with you”, then I know they mean it especially if their actions align.

[@Polly888]

Love this vid it’s spot on the money…’exploiting a loophole’ 😂 Good luck to everyone in the dating game fgs have the last laugh on them & shut down that loophole 🤗💪

[@cherrylane79]

Some men just outright lie or say what you want to hear. Then after they get their way. "Oh didn't I tell you this?" (add here something that they have already someone waiting for them etc).

[@camuyana]

I have seen it in other couples, one in particular. Let me leave it at that cuz I don't want to reveal too much.

[@SighPriestess]

Uhhhh this is just semantics. I’ve said that same thing! I was just being a little ironic because I’m really ready and didn’t want to see too eager. That’s pretty nit picky haha I would ask to clarify without attacking their terminology and inferring too much.

[@gnsoapscandles]

Guys even is someone open to a relationship, there are so many ways a guy won't commit and he will be in a relationship with you, but you won't be going forward.. There are some rules they set down, that makes they comfort zone assured, and leaves you waiting.

[@bibikhadijehsamiezade-yazd7430]

What if i don't want to be his girlfriend but i also dont want to be his friday girl? Something in the middle. I am moving in a year and so I don't have the expectation or desire to get into some long term declaration but I really like this guy that I am seeing and I just don't want to be reduced to a thing he uses to get romance/sex out of his system. I am giving a lot of time and energy to him, which I enjoy, and I want it to be valued for what it is and not be exploited. I don't believe that just because we wont last forever that I have just have to accept bare minimum treatment, most relationships don't last forever anyways. I am valuable. He tells me how smart and funny I am and how he feels so taken care by me. If I bring this much value to his life then I expect that he treats me with the same value, even if there is due date to it. How do I navigate this conversation and get what I need out of it?

[@addyzee1335]

You are getting exactly what you are putting in. There is no level between friends with benefit & a girlfriend. Pick one.

[@bibikhadijehsamiezade-yazd7430]

@@addyzee1335 why is there not? Did Jesus Christ ordain that between fuck buddy and wife, no man shall ever exist?

[@samuraijosh1595]

Either a girlfriend or Use and throw. Pick one.

[@artandculture5262]

“I’m a one woman at the time man”, when he means one woman in bed at the time. Most people are smucks and porn diffused nothings.

[@equationinterrelationship01]

With life' s experience I would just have waited for things to evolve, with meanwhile, the right questions for to understand where the other person stands ethically... Then, if "I" understand that we are not on the same page, just feel at ease to move on..., without hurt or misunderstandings... Why hasting, knowing about them as if it really mattered, when we ourselves do not know if we would have liked to "have a relation" ?! Not all relations are meant to last either... don' t they...?!

[@mariavde269]

I got you, however, I strongly believe that you categorise people very early, in the first first meeting I would say, both men and women. yes, you need time to observe the person (and let things grow naturally) but you know it from the very beginning that this is PROBABLY a person I could love and based on this feeling you make time for this person and try to discover him/her. The relationship is built in this process, things develop naturally, if one of the people sabotages it (cancels dates or doesn´t put effort in the quality of communication and activities) it means that they are not on the same page..

[@thecurrentmoment]

I think this is about right - if you think you might want a relationship with someone, it doesn't hurt to get a better understanding of them to see if they actually fit your first impression. First impressions are often quite good, but it's probably a good idea to get a more detailed picture before you invest everything into it. Invest based on your confidence, and your confidence is based on the information you get

[@equationinterrelationship01]

@Multilingual_Mind, and @Dale_Redpath, I would like to add: our society promotes "mirroring", as a technic of gaining control of others... No matter what one asks, the other would never be sure in the early stages of dating (and this implies MANY MONTHS, if not being trained to understand and translate accurately the details... or red flags) if the other person wears a mask of hypocricy or not... Of course certain "aquaintance quetions" can not be underestimated but I do not really agree with direct questions of this kind... They have no relevance! As @Mattwew comically states this matter, who is really going to be certain right from the beginning who is answering honestly?! Let time do its job!

[@MarcoGuedes-r9h]

Absolutely right.. but everyone deserves to be in love still out here searching for my mrs right tho I hope she’s out here some where ❤

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@MarcoGuedes-r9h why does everyone deserve to be in love?

[@gotinogaden]

"I have to return some videotapes."

[@melissaplasencia8717]

this exact scenario happened to me and he got me good. for about 3 ish months, he wasted my time and did not work to progress the relationship to anything past surface level and nothing we spoke about was ever of deeper substance. i felt like i didn't even know him and he didn't want to try to change that cus all he ever did when i came over was put NF on. i had been feeling guilty of how i abruptly ended things one day after not being able to take it anymore but I don't feel that way anymore. he knew exactly what he was doing and i see was being very very sly about it bc he knew how to talk in a such a way that made you think that he was listening to your concerns and that they'd be addressed and then he'd go right back to being quiet and "prioritizing work" and NF and chill and not do a single thing different. sneaky, immature, childish pieces of shit these types of guys are bc they'd rather use you for their needs instead of being honest about what they truly want and waste your time and energy all in the process. watch out ladies !

[@SMSBJM1981]

I understand your pain and frustration. If I may suggest a few things. Don't give it up to early if you want a relationship. Make a guy wait and see if he is invested. If he bails before sex he's just looking for sex. If all you do is nf and chill and you want more then say that or cut it off immediately. And don't stay in something that isn't working for you hoping one day this person will deliver. Examine the now, the present situation and see if it is working for you. Don't confuse what you want to happen with what is happening.

[@ShadowbannedAccount]

HAHAHA! Hilarious! No sympathy from me. Maybe next time, think before you spread your legs. But wait, there is no next time. If you hold it against the next guy, he will say "I have to jump through hoops, while the previous guy didn't have to do anything. No thank you".

[@chandanare]

Oh man! My worst one was when, it was a long distance thing, and I asked what was going on, and he said " we can be penpals or cut it off". haha!

[@Hey-jw3dm]

I'm so tired of the dating game, y'all have fun.

[@deb2319]

GREAT TALK.

[@bg5215]

Grandma's old advice is as good as it ever was..... "Why buy the cow if the milk is free?" Seems like women can not understand this.

[@amandayorke481]

Excuse me, but I think it is actually quite insulting for any woman to be likened to a cow! It comes from a time when a girl's only worth was as a chattel to be traded in marriage - if she was a virgin then her father could ask a high bride-price for her. If our only value as human beings is measured according to such a crude yardstick, then we may as well all go and live under the Taliban, where they don't bother educating girls beyond a very basic level, because their fate is only ever to be some man's property. It would be interesting to see what would happen if the shoe were on the other foot - if MEN had to somehow prove they were virgins before they were deemed acceptable husbands. They'd have to be under strict supervision at all times, I suppose ... again, the barbaric and degrading treatment women in many societies still have to endure!

[@xMckingwill]

Well that removes accountabilty of us men not having the self controll not to fuck anything that offers with out willing to commit to that person. Ironically it places the burden of men committing to them squarly on the womans shoulders Its interrsting how we seem to only pair women having sex with commitment yet we dont have the same energy for men. Many men dont consider " what if the woman has my child" when they seek out sex

[@pietjestront2858]

​​​@@amandayorke481that would be the best thing ever. Then man wouldnt be so brainwashed around sex and just enjoy their life. And woman would try to suck them dry but we wouldnt care about it, because we got way more important things in live than having casual sex that isnt even making us happy, but miserable.

[@lisbetsoda4874]

​@@amandayorke481 thank you for your lecture but that doesn't change the analogy. It just reflects on you as a rather foolish argumentative person.

[@steph6109]

Mainly because women are no longer chattel to be bought and owned by men and we hope men are above the slave owner mentality that could make this analogy work.

[@winterclarkactivates1010]

so good!! 😂 and so true!!

[@leenalaft7761]

This is exactly happening to me 😢 I asked him for more and constant conversation. He said : I’d love to . I asked to spend more time on seeing each other, he said : I’d love to . I said I am looking for someone is real and right for me . He said : well I don’t know what’s this going but I all know is I am super attracted to you and want to see you more . I got all excited about it… but nothing has been really progressed …WTF

[@IevaKambarovaite]

I'm so sorry about this. I recently walked away from a man like that. I just didn't see him investing enough. It gets very frustrating.

[@JW-jx3tq]

Better to not waste your time, find someone that appreciates how great you are!

[@ineedhoez]

Don't do this. You gave him the cheat code on how to manipulate you. You got lucky he was lazy. If you run into someone who wants to exploit you, you will get obliterated.

[@AstarionWifey]

He’s just cushioning the fall 😅

[@JacquelineMarie747]

Great video thanks again Matthew :) however can we talk about timing ? Are we having these conversations and thoughts weeks or days into a new encounter with someone? How do we know if we're being reasonable with ourselves first before saying all these confrontational and uncomfortable conversations before hand ?

[@TheChrisUlrich]

The #1 worst thing they say to avoid commitment is “I kind of like what we got going now”

[@trevorm9551]

I could be an competitive apple pie eating salesman championship!!

[@carolb3869]

Just b/c someone is saying they’re open to a relationship doesn’t make it so. Observe their actions. You will know b/ c it will be obvious - you will see it in his actions.

[@rachelpappin]

Hi Matthew 😊

[@hopes4]

He said me child all time

[@adelinamofokeng6458]

I'm not sure If myself I'm being played cause I have been involved with a guy for over a year now but I haven't met his family I only know his brother the rest I don't know them and he is not even making an effort to put it in our conversation plus he always promise things but he ended up not doing them please help cause when we are together it is so wonderful we connect like we have known each before and the relationship always feel new

[@PossumLover1111]

Sounds like he's stringing you along and saying what he knows you want to hear to keep you around. Find the confidence and self-respect to let him know what you want/don't want and need/don't need in the relationship and if he doesn't come through, move on. Give it a time limit so you can prepare and follow through.

[@annettendes7490]

Thats exactly how i feel about a guy am dating now. Chemistry connection long txt or talk but i know nothing about him but he's having a daughter, mother and a sister i never met. I quite believe he is a player f.boy or very very broken man. Anyway i made my decision to leave and this time there won't be happy ending.

[@thecurrentmoment]

Decide what you really need from him and how to ask for it or get it, and then act accordingly. I suspect that having him fulfil his promises would be important to you, although you could have different ideas about which promises are the important ones. Even if it is really good, if you aren't going to get what you need then it won't work. It wouldn't hurt to also find out what he needs - maybe there is something missing for him and he is in the same boat as you, waiting for you to do something or for something to happen (a 'sign') so he can go to the next level. Probably best to talk about it and get it out in the open

[@PossumLover1111]

@@thecurrentmoment Yes, communication is vital. Good post.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@PossumLover1111 thanks!

[@DianaAlexandree]

ALMOST is never enough💛. If he WANTED to he WOULD. No girl deserves to be a SECOND choice u should be a FIRST choice, u should be picked without a thought

[@thecurrentmoment]

Really? So a guy should invest himself into a relationship without thinking if this is a good person to be with and without getting to know you? Sounds like a great way to get scammed, or at the very least heartbroken. But maybe I've misunderstood your comment

[@DianaAlexandree]

@@thecurrentmoment This video is not talking about the good guys , this video is for women who are being lead on by the bad guys who waste their time.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@DianaAlexandree fair enough, but how do you know if he is a good guy and how does he know you are a good girl and should be his first choice? There has to be some information gathering first.

[@DianaAlexandree]

@@thecurrentmoment duhh ofc u gotta give each other time but over 7-8 months & we’re not bf & gf in a relationship it’s a red flagg

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@DianaAlexandree I see. I thought you were talking about guys/relationships in general. Well I agree with you, that is a red flag. Did you have 'the talk' earlier? If so, what did you guys agree/decide on? You should definitely have had the talk by now, I would've said after a few months. Based on that you should decide to be in a relationship (or not), or if not yet then be clear on what needs to happen for a relationship. A lot of guys don't feel a need to be in a relationship before sleeping with a woman, so don't assume that sleeping with him has anything to do with a relationship. He might not see it that way. To me it sounds like you need to have a talk with him about what you both expect from each other, get some clarity and decide what to do from there. If you want a relationship and he doesn't, then you are well within your rights to just stop seeing him - after all, you guys aren't together right? Or are you? Either way, it would be best to have a talk with him so you are both clear and there is no ambiguity.

[@Emma-vm9wp]

I let one go this summer because after 4 months he was still keeping me at arms length. I cut him off and he still wanted to see me what’s the point? You don’t wanna commit then I ain’t waiting anymore of my time on you!

[@carlel121]

My sister thought she was dating this guy and when she asked if they were in a relationship he said I don’t want to put names to the relationship, just enjoy the trip! She got so upset and it hurt her so bad, eventually he got mad about something stupid and practically end up the relationship, time went by and after 4 months he started calling her, they finally saw each other after 8 months and he said he missed her and wanted a serious relationship with her, happy ending here! When women respect themselves and let go a man who does not value her somehow He becomes more attracted to them

[@loveofurs]

I like the statement, except: don't end up the relationship in hope that they would value you more, end up the relationship because you don't get what you want. Cause it seems to me that if you break up "in hope", then you don't break up at all, you just make a little fake manipulative (to yourself) step back that doesn't necessarily pays off.

[@carlel121]

@@loveofurs my sister didn’t end the relationship. They had an argument and he stopped calling her at all, my sister leave it like that! She didn’t chase or ask for explanation just let him go, he returned back different.

[@liztowers2058]

He only returned because nothing was better. He's still not to be trusted.

[@carlel121]

@@liztowers2058 that’s your opinion, he had very bad relationships in his past and he was protecting himself from suffering the same thing, bad news for you! He wasn’t looking for somebody else, my sister had the opportunity to come to the USA and now they became very good friends they talk each other very often, and he said how lonely he feels, believe me most women think that men have a list of women to date and that they will always leave you for somebody else, in fact it’s completely the opposite, most man leave you for their baggage and insecurities than for somebody else.

[@steph6109]

It's a sad story that she accepted a man with a rape mentality "willing to hurt the other person and use them as an object to get sexual satisfaction that he wants". He treats he better but that exploitative mindset is still in him. I hope he doesn't hurt her going forward.

[@electraheart7745]

I mean I've recently got back with a guy I briefly dated ,I mean just strictly dated, 2 years ago again and I have never met his parents and he hasn't made an effort to try to introduce me to them. I just have a feeling his mom doesn't like me and because of all this my mom doesn't really like him although everyone in my family likes him which is why it makes it hard for ME to get over him each time these dumb silence phases happen between us. I used to think he was just awkward and shy but then I found out what a f**** he used to be I think he's just using me. And we have not made a single romantic move except kissing once which was horrible.

[@wateredseed3117]

What about ladies that avoid commitments. Because trust me some ladies are under serious pressure by guys that love them

[@thecurrentmoment]

Probably the same advice applies to guys too

[@Charlotte-Willow]

I think men don’t want relationships if they have been divorced and their ex took everything. They don’t want to lose another house.

[@AstarionWifey]

Then prenuptials 😂

[@steph6109]

Most men can't afford a down payment for a mortgage let alone a whole house to hand over to an ex wife. You're talking about celebrity and top tier men problems.

[@annstar2793]

But I say that and I’m a female. I don’t know if I want a relationship with someone yet until I get to know them. How does anyone know if they want a relationship with someone you’ve just met ??? Isn’t the point to date them, spend time together, and see if things progress ??? And if they don’t, you watch these videos and breakup eventually!!! Is the point you’re looking to reduce the risk of getting hurt if you are clear you’re looking for someone who is relationship material- so don’t waste time with people with whom that’s not ever a possibility. So do your best to weed them out early on….

[@ladyjade9494]

I love Matthew Hussey lol ♥ xxx

[@angelwings6193]

in today's world its very difficult to suss out the liars, users n abusers. 99% of the time they say well I want to get to know you or i want us to be ahum "friends" these are loose answers. so its difficult to spot intention. In my last rel, I flat out asked him,What do you want, direct n to the point, but that doesnt mean his intention is honorable or that he or she has honorable intentions. its a process where before you give your trust, you need to take it slowww

[@rosegardens9701]

I could be a arse hole 😅

[@hrisf]

I could be a pokemon 😂

[@luciadefalco]

... and also a pillow ahah

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

You know that 'to swindle' is a verb already, right? 'Swindley' sounds like an adjective, not a verb.

[@PossumLover1111]

Swindley sounds so British. I can hear The actress Judy Dench saying it perfectly.

[@juliekrol]

Haha, but yeah, swindle is to cheat, that’s pretty much this, cheating someone out of honesty and a relationship

[@PersephoneOfDemeter]

Wish I clicked on this video a couple of weeks ago.

[@Levntna]

5:00

[@MamaBudz]

#swindley 😂

[@Mrzoux1]

Let's be careful here, my dudes, it's okay to not be ready for commitment, as long as you're honest about it and not taking advantage. Trust me, plenty of women are looking for simple, non commited relationship, although those usually end badly for one of the two parties.

[@amandayorke481]

You've got a point - btw are you using "dudes" as a general term of address? - but I'm not sure most women ARE looking for anything quite so simple. Unless they are already in an unsatisfactory relationship, in which case they're probably hoping to be swept off their feet and into the arms of someone strong and sure without the uncertainty, grief and shame of being single again. You know how it is - it's always easier to find another job when you have one already! Trouble is, when you ARE in a hard place, it's easy to think someone saying, Hey, I'M available right now! means they're offering more than they intend.

[@cherrylane79]

Usually men lie about this, I don't understand why can't they write to their dating profile or tell straight what kind of relationship they are looking for. It's just causing many women to be betrayed in the worst way and loosing trust to many men too (the good men suffer because women don't trust them either after being treated poorly). Because I'm sure some women would be up to that, if the guy was honest from the start. But you cannot just lie to someone who is looking for a real connection. In a nutshell, lying, using and cheating is not okay.

[@bronx452]

I'm a woman and I never knew a woman who was looking for a non committed relationship. You're trying to justify your behavior with some bs :)

[@pharaohhermenthotip1553]

@@bronx452 That's probably the stupidest comment I've ever read. So because you don't personally know of any women looking for this, therefore no women in existence is either? Also, you're shaming this man for being honest about his desires, when it is perfectly natural and there is nothing wrong with it. Really, you ought to be ashamed of yourself

[@largolagrande]

@@cherrylane79 Because upfront honesty is a illusion. And you know it. It just doesn't work. Lying is different than keep it open. Even if you know it's unlikely.

[@aplethoraofme2056]

What if you can’t even tell any of this. What if you have zero energy for this? I guess it means I’m not ready to date anyone I know. 🎉❤

[@thecurrentmoment]

Quite possibly. Someone who is serious about a relationship will be looking for someone who has energy to deal with this.

[@aplethoraofme2056]

@@thecurrentmoment trying to convince a man to commit to you is a terrible strategy.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@aplethoraofme2056 I agree, that's why you should never do it. Instead, you should give him serious value so that if you left there would be a big void in his life. Then he can take you seriously, because of your willingness to contribute to him. But if you don't have the energy for it then he is not going get much value, and it will probably be a waste of his time. So yeah, maybe be single for a while until you have things together and plenty of energy and willingness to try to understand a man's world, and then date. That would be my suggestion.

[@aplethoraofme2056]

@@thecurrentmoment it’s easier said then done. I think In many ways If men and women were more open about what they wanted from one another it wouldn’t be so hard. Men don’t wanna hurt women with honesty and neither do women to men. It’s complicated BS. Anyway, I don’t have time for that.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@aplethoraofme2056 you're right, it's not exactly easy. But that's what males it worthwhile I guess, if a satisfying fulfilling relationship was easy then everybody would have and it wouldn't be so special. We certainly wouldn't appreciate it lol. Take it for granted, more likely. And it would be easier if men and women were upfront about what they want - however that is a great way to (potentially) get scammed because now you have told them exactly what you want and they can pretend to give you that. Also, I think men and women in general prioritise different things and this is widely known and available information, but some people are in denial about it, which really doesn't help. Of course, not everybody is the same, but in general men prioritise sex and women prioritise emotional connection so it would probably help if people can start with that in mind too. I think it was Matthew that said "all men want sex, and some want more than that". At the same time, a lot depends on what you want WITH THAT PERSON, and until you know them you don't know what potential they have to offer. So it's almost not realistic to say what you want upfront, but I hear what you're saying. I guess people need to learn how to deliver that information safely so they don't hurt the other person. I think seeking first to understand then be understood (from 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey) would be the best way to do it. Find out and really understand what's important to them and why before you get them to listen to you. And a little bit a time, not everything all at once on the first date is probably a good strategy. Maybe very time you talk to them you get a little bit more information about their priorities and plans.

[@margriciawar8668]

Your,re too cute😂❤

[@robcarley7506]

For me Matthew, I these days will tell any woman bluntly "I don't do an L.T.R." (Long term relationship) this may be in the case and this is far and few between that say perhaps a woman wants to try and date me, it's rare, but it happens one in a million as most like to proverbially wag their tail and entice us to make the first move as men. I make it pretty much public knowledge I don't want relationships these days. The most, most women, will get from me is friends with benefits. Why ? Family law, alimony and child support etc... heard so many horror stories about guys who thought they had something good only to be cheated on, served out of nowhere. I've been permanently put off the idea of a wife and kids. So because of this I'm not going to lie, I'm going to be straight up. If I never have intercourse again as a result of that, I can live with that. There are other means and ways around round releasing that "tension" if you will. Perhaps this is a topic you could address, maybe he won't commit because of these reasons and what she can do if she has what's known as oneitis for him, Just a thought.

[@anitarogers2877]

@Rob Carley - Isn't that a self-fulfilling prophecy though : you expect a relationship to go wrong because of stories you have heard, so you won't allow yourself to try. The whole purpose of being here and alive, is to Love and be Loved, especially sharing romantic true love with a special person. I would rather keep my Heart open and take the risk than close myself down, becoming cold, biter, resentful and closed off. Please reconsider where you are intentionally caroling yourself. Don't die a sad, lonely old man because you had too many fears and were too scared to try. It might not end badly for you, you might pick a great woman and end up with all well. Loving allows us to expand and grow, not retract and close down, hiding from living life. You do want someone really, and if you stuff it down it will only rush to the surface, the older you get, late 40s onwards. Then you'll be full of regrets and remorse you didn't try.

[@pharaohhermenthotip1553]

@@anitarogers2877 It's really not worth it for men anymore. Women have become so narcisstic, selfish, spoilt, self-entitled, horrible, unfeminine and worst of all hating of men that a lot of us no longer want relationships with them. Men are mocked for expressing themselves emotionally. Men get screwed over by the court system, losing up to 70% of their assets and possibly their kids. Men are abused emotionally and even physically and aren't believed, and they often don't report it because they are told to "man up." We are constantly told we're awful by society and blamed for women's problems, even though most of us have done nothing and just want love. Things have gotten so bad that the MGTOW movement is rising and a worrying number of men are opting out. Most women when they hear this just laugh, which just reinforces our desire to stay away from them. It's like most of them don't care at all about our problems

[@christineshoemaker2727]

Wow. You need to try loving yourself. Not all women are this way, my friend. It would have been better for you to say, you're putting yourself first. So much brokenness in your comment.

[@mariavde269]

there is a lot of women who don´t want any commitment, who are looking for something casual, in the current diverse world everyone can find something suitable, without lies and empty promises, the downside of this is that you will get in return what you yourself have to offer - you will have to wait in a queue, women who want casual thing meet multiple men, this Friday Mr X, next Friday Mr Y, so you´ll have to be patient to wait for YOUR FRIDAY to come:)

[@pharaohhermenthotip1553]

@@christineshoemaker2727 Not all but most. Also, just writing "putting yourself first" wouldn't spread awareness of the issue, hence why we feel the need to explain the issue, which is women. And it's funny how for years now women have been allowed to blame men saying "not all men, but enough" but, yet again, as soon as we do the same thing it's somehow an issue?

[@thatguy9088]

Strange. All I say is "No." I don't have to explain it. I don't have to elaborate. It isn't a debate. If either of us say "No" then that's it. Don't pass go, don't collect $200. Her issues are no longer my problem or concern.

[@sherryallen9126]

How about marriage is a peice of paper saying.

[@Andrea-Rose]

❤❤❤

[@MarcoGuedes-r9h]

Leave her the f…k alone don’t text that number ok

[@mayasyria123]

I didn't watch the video but based on the tilte of it and of others videos, i feel that your content is only for girls and it's always implying that girls run after men and men don't want family or love and that's frustrating and make me feel that I'm in a competition i will never win

[@mariotorres3791]

Hi! Can you please elaborate I'm very interested in hearing more about your point of view.

[@samuraijosh1595]

It's not that. This channel is more targeted and tailored towards women who want committed long term relationships. It's just the kind of subscriber demographic Matthew has built. Of course there are women who don't care about relationships and maybe just want something casual. However, usually, women do seem to want commitment more than men.

[@ueckbueck]

I decided not to meet anyone 😂

[@welcometosusansmukbang9215]

Relationship doesn't exist anymore in America. If you are bored then join PAC Man game 🎮

[@juliekrol]

Definitely doesn’t exist in the UK 😬

[@MoczarZsuzsa]

🤣

[@zendatingcoach8313]

Hey Matt, How long is YOUR longest relationship?! Have you ever committed to marriage? Seems like you have had nothing but a string of "exciting" "adventures" with no longterm commitment. If I am wrong (totally possible) tell me here. Show me the evidence. Seems like a lot of the pot calling the kettle black is all I'm saying.

[@andraioana5313]

Nob care

[@hadi20233]

Matthew love your videos BUT this video, you have lost the realness in my opinion. Less of the comedy act Matthew!

[@MrColdNoodles]

I don't agree with this comment

[@PopFizzPaperDani]

Some of my favorite videos of his are the funnier ones. Have you not met Monkey? 😂

[@addyzee1335]

Comedy is the best way to make someone realize an absurd situation or a ridiculous statement. Please more comedy Matthew!

[@marija_glupava]