Three words to say to a rude family member/friend

The holidays are a tough time for a lot of people. It means getting together with extended family who may not be so nice. I've got a simple comeback that could stop them in their tracks.

[@PeggyBolton]

I will NEVER forget. One day in high school this bully was picking on me while waiting for the bus. crowded area. I was always the shy girl. got picked on a lot for my thick glasses. He started in on me about how big my eyes looked etc. laughing. I looked dead at him and said "whats your point?' He was stumbling all over his words, didn't know what to say. Made him look like a complete ass. Was a really defining moment for me on how to handle bullies in school.

[@SydMountaineer]

This is a great example, Thank You!!! - because it is calling out the bully to force them to be completely truthful, and they do not want to be truthful, they want to be COVERT. Abusive people like being covert, because it leaves room for interpretation and it's subjective, so they don't look ignorant and it hides their true intentions, which is to make themselves look good at your expense, so this forces them to either shut up or to literally admit that they abuse others because they feel insecure. This is why covert narcissists are so much more destructive & dangerous than other narcissists who are blatant. What you did was force the bully to define exactly what he was doing, and he was NOT prepared to come out and say it, he did not want his intentions to be laid bare. Good for you! Another phrase that I think might be helpful, is to say something that I heard from Sadhguru (but he did not say it as a response to bullies, but more of just a statement about how we should be): He said something along the lines of that people should only say words that are helpful rather than hurtful, so if someone was to reply to a bully in this way, like saying, 'You should only say helpful words" it points out THEIR faults, that they are being abusive,which undermines their goal, which is to make the other person look badly.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Excellent throw of the ball back into his court and bouncing around inside his head lol

[@ServantStatusMinistries]

Yes theses phrases: Whats your point, Why do you ask, Why should I care, that’s not my business, that’s not your business, Why do you want to know, why do you care, what’s it to you...these will all literally stop nosy, invasive, rude, gossipy people in their tracks.

[@throughpurple]

*"What's your point?"* Love that. I need this sentence.

[@angel772921]

No contact with all toxic people works for me..X

[@JoshdifferentMMA]

💯💯💯

[@stetzify6694]

Same here. 100%!

[@LovingAtlanta]

👍Three words: "What's your point?" Love it! 💞

[@brianclark2542]

I say there three word " Leave my house" I have a 0 tolerance policy when it comes to that sort of thing, and you know when people pick up on that, they don't do it---only emotional bullies do that because they think that they can get away with it, maybe as a first warning shot there question should be met with say nothing and a hard stare

[@victoriasegall3404]

Excellent! I totally understand where you're coming from. Nowadays, I have zero tolerance for rudeness. You treat me with respect or you get out of my sight.

[@user-dp1ik3oc7v]

It comes back around

[@stephaniesim9089]

Thank you for this video. I have a friend who is very rude. She seems like she cares for me but whenever I open up to her about what’s going on in my life, she says something rude and cruel. In all honesty, I’ve decided to just let go of her because she is toxic to me. I have been the person to think of clever ways to talk back to her whenever she starts being rude but I realize why do I need to do that when I can just stop the friendship. It’s not worth keeping.

[@hoorah3683]

You have a brilliant mind.

[@adu1991]

It's.....okay advice. Some people are just too persistent in trying to get a rise out of you. Some will keep going & going until they eventually get bored, and then they'll find something else to do. Politeness is not embraced by everyone. I am optimistic....but it doesn't change the fact that there's jerks out there who want to insult others in order to make themselves feel better. When someone argues against you, what could be done is *realistically* answering their question, especially if you're *very* knowledgeable about the subject. With that, you'll catch them off guard & possibly impress others as well. It's either that, or you can just flat out ignore them. Anyone who constantly tries to troll others probably has too much time on their hands & doesn't have much else going on in their lives. They're not worth the energy or time. Let them burnout on their own.

[@cu99460]

Marie Dubuque - beautiful, smart and the best social mentor online to deal with toxic individuals at work or in the home. Keep posting Miss. Love your advice!

[@rhaebeam]

My sister has turned very materialistic...we are not close anymore..seems her kindness has flown out the window. Her possessions are most important..she calls to remind me everything she does and have is better...it hurts I just shut up to avoid conflict...I never call her anymore she calls me about 4xs a year..I always feel less of myself after I get off the phone. she reminds me of how I messed my life up with not marrying a rich man...she brings up negative past things.She told me she thinks I don't choose the right friends...my idea of a friend is not the same as hers. Why does she constantly do this? are we not suppose to support each other in kind words?

[@Sweetearth1958]

She's totally jealous of you. Personally, I've removed jealous people from my life whether they are "family" or not. Much better.

[@anewlife5846]

Of course, if you are punished or abused by your family members for no reason, leave them forever and do not even attend their cremation. They do not deserve you. I will do the same. Be strong and love yourself. God bless you.

[@Kinobambino]

Everybody in the comment section please don't cut your family members off. Just COMMUNICATE! That's it. That's the 'big' secret. Spill your guts. Be closer, tell them everything you think and work with each other because the average person doesn't keep in contact with at least 1 sibling especially when they have many other siblings. Don't be average be better

[@hulkman129]

JusAKartoon thats right

[@Kinobambino]

veezo zeezo thankyou

[@bellastenstrom2598]

She's a genius.

[@wanderingtravels2488]

Thank you I've been dealing with step-family issues and you gave me some peace with 3 words.

[@caitlinhunt1653]

You are so inspiring. I have been going through a rough patch with some people who I had been friends with for a very long time and this video has really helped me to put things into perspective. Thank you.

[@retarteddwarf2182]

Call out their non-sense with a question. What's your point? Brilliant Marie tyvm. I will add this to my tool box of coping strategys. I really enjoy your under 5 minute straight to business content.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This is excellent, even if it does nothing to change the snarky person, anyone else looking on will see the senselessness of the mean person.

[@kathleenscheib242]

Thank you for getting ' right to the point.' Sometimes some lecturers drag on & on before they get there.

[@kimr820]

This is the best advice!!

[@seektruth983]

Thank you!! So hard to strike the balance between maintaining your class & grace and putting them in their place. (And trying not to punch them )

[@JoshdifferentMMA]

Facts

[@GodsDe]

I like that! I'm going to try that. I usually just tell a person, "that was rude," but I like your answer, too.

[@tialynpetrylak3256]

I love when they say you have a cocky attitude when trying to address how they usually are.

[@gabbysambienceofrivers4813]

OMG! Exactlyyyy! You are only responding to their horrible attitude that they put out in the first place, but they then try and turn it around if you stand up for yourself.. 😡

[@gabbysambienceofrivers4813]

Like, Exactly! 💯💯💯💯💯

[@deborahgitto1614]

Why do they do this ? Someone said “look what the cat dragged in “ when I walked in ... and on a google meet they clicked on my face zoomed in and out on my face in the mirror to show everyone else. Everyone laughed! I feel like I’m being used to make everyone else laugh. . I really don’t understand why and I’m very sensitive about how i look. This person should know that. I put time and energy into looking nice and I feel like this person makes a mockery out of me. I’m very hurt 😞

[@ltcman135]

You deserve more subscribers. I'm saying that cause my witty response was to say VERY BOLDLY, "I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME"

[@mpaxton8991]

An absolutely amazing response I'm going to remember!

[@benlg9125]

1 minute in I thought oh man, thats a good one! Gotta remember that one, awesome advise

[@RG-hf4et]

My 3 words are: "That was inappropriate" or "Don't be rude" , "That was rude", "That wasn't necessary" or the good old, ultimate "F off" as I walk away.......Lol........."What's your point?" sounds like I am wanting an explanation from them and usually they get into a rant or start babbling, ""Well, this or that, etc., etc.!"........ My 3 words usually stop them in their tracks as I am walking away not giving them a second more of my time. Works like a charm. :-)

[@MannersByMarie]

Well said!

[@jakblue5537]

Nice advise and u have every beautiful eyes

[@catjs2324]

Love this lady!!!!😃👍👍👍👍👍

[@DJRick313rd]

It's always awesome to hear messages like this!

[@marywolfe6598]

I have an older sibling that always find something to put me down with. For example, your hair needs highlights, your blobs look small on that shirt, what's that on your nose?, You're wearing boots again, you don't know how to pick friends, where did you get the money for that?, Etc..... Usually every time we.Talk there is a comment or two made in the negative.....Honestly, in am sick of it! I know she is not going to change or acknowledge any of this . I just limit my contact with her. I know there is jealousy there. I am still shocked that at 60 years old it still continues to go on. I noticed she never has anything nice to say about anyone. It's very sad. We grew up.in an alcoholic home with chaos and everyone fended for themselves. I know the origin of it all But it still hurts. I have always wanted a big sister that I would look up to but that's not reality.

[@ZenRoseGarden]

Great video! So many people deal with this!

[@0nlyCupc4kK3]

When my older brother was younger, he was really nice but now he is getting older and he is turning toxic. He criticizes me and makes fun of me, picks on me to.

[@STMARTIN009]

That's why the holidays suck. Just say yeah I may be this way but you will be a dumbass forever. See what happens

[@robertcalamusso4218]

You make the greatest faces ! Thanks so much. You always make me smile.

[@masterartist1025]

Thanks, Maria, for the great advice, I'm going to use it!!

[@daydreamer5580]

This is brilliant. Just discovered this video. Very good advice actually.

[@anjumalvi3038]

Thank you so much for your every advice. Each video of yours is so specific and yet so general that everyone can link one's self to it.

[@Deikoka]

Im dealing with someone who lives her life being nasty negative & spiteful. Trust me, i say those 3words her ass will definitely conjure up something illogical to say. smh

[@kalualauber1921]

That doesn’t work in my family. It sounds good but for them it’s an invitation to say more rude stuff. They are rude AF. My uncle just told me that I looked hideous in a wig I wore to a funeral. I asked, “what’s your point?l”. He said “ My point is that you take that crap off., you looked bad and all and I didn’t recognize you. “. I looked beautiful btw.

[@Reshme77]

but if they can embarrass us, why can't we do the same?

[@Talentedtadpole]

+Reshme Because we are better than that & also, can stop the negative bullshit & have a good time instead :-)

[@Reshme77]

+Talentedtadpole Yes dear you could look at that in that way but such incidents only keep happening again and again because the person being rude thinks the other person can be easily pushed around when I would respond to rudeness in a witty form ..... let's just say those so-called people we're not repeat offenders besides that's half the fun putting jerks in their place

[@Julia-vp9jr]

I know I am so fucking done with it my sister is so immature and physically abusive I always end up cursing her out and so done with it, it just keeps going on and on

[@clye7788]

Reshme yeah dont be polite all the fucking damn time. thats a lil bit naive. if the time and reason are necessary to be mad, be fucking mad. thats normal

[@sandeesk1]

Good one! Very good advise.

[@eleveneleven572]

Laugh at them then ask what is wrong with them. Is it envy, chip on their shoulder, personality disorder, mental issue? This obviously works better with people you don't, or hardly, know....works great in a social situation or when out and about. But do it with a compassionate smile on your face.

[@writteninthestars3947]

Marie, what if after you say, "What's your point?" they rudely say they don't need to have a point because when you talk they don't always think you have a point either? I know I could say that at least I'm not rude or something like that, but obviously they wouldn't care about that and/or deny it. I need something to the point and witty to say back. Help??

[@VeronicaGorositoMusic]

''Oooh..I see it now...your MAIN point is to make me feel bad no matter what I say, I'm so sorry you need ME to do that''.

[@soulfreedom9984]

Thank you, you are a beautiful soul! 💙🇺🇸

[@Reshme77]

whats your point...nice one....or same to you...

[@Houseitch]

I've commented, "that's hilarious"...& when you don't give them (the braggart, or narcissist) the reaction they're looking for, they'll get mad...it's about rising above the situation...it works!

[@cuhhheesecuff419]

I basically asked my dad "What's the issue?" And he told me "Too piss you off." And, now I don't know what to do. He blew up after that and let's just say I refuse to speak a word to him. 😭😭😭

[@sabrinahernandez6186]

I’m going to try this with my mother in law.

[@marisaliu6948]

There was once a horrible sibling that just ruined my day which was a holiday with something she said. She just brought up negative stuff about me and it bothered me so much it made me so sad, she's just horrible and mean, that's just not nice. I should just say to this person "what do u want?" "Do u hold anything against me?" And they definitely deserves embarrassment and I should just say to them "get off of me" and throw back at their face.

[@lass-inangeles7564]

Ha, ha, ha! Great tip and short to the point video. Love it. Thanks!

[@Wangste002]

I swear this is a cultural thing but with Asians the whole weight thing is out of hand. They will literally tell you that you're "too fat" if you're 5'9" 160 soaking wet over and over again. I had to tell my aunt to "Shut the fuck up" in front of everyone cause I couldn't even focus on talking to people with her yapping to my face.

[@VeronicaGorositoMusic]

Uneducated people are averywhere. Latin America is full of jerks and they're fighting each other, insulting, bullying, etc. I usually don't talk anymore with spanish speakers.

[@LovingAtlanta]

👍Just found your channel and have watched several videos already. Not sure why you haven't posted recent videos lately, but wish you would consider it. You are very easy to listen to & the way you speak right into the camera makes it easy to really connect with your viewers. Great videos. Hope all is well. 🤗💞🤗

[@HaBeFaStro]

“What’s your Point?” O.O... Oh my goodness... That is so brilliant!!! Exactly what I needed! Thank you so much! Glad I found your teaching! I subscribe to yee!

[@flow3rguard]

If I say that to him he will probably say stop being smart.

[@111Phoenix777]

I've had more than a few family members kind of give me the cold shoulder and silent treatment the past 5 years. A few years ago I was very interested in organizing a family reunion, in their state, where they live, and there was so little interest, and when I call or text them, I get the strong feeling they can barely spare a minute to talk to me. So I'm kind of done. If they're going to do anything, they're going to have to start it from their end. I'm tired of doing all the work, and getting treated like they're doing me some kind of favor talking to me. I have plenty of friends to hang out with, and other projects to keep me busy. It's a little sad, but the phone, text, e-mail, and mail work two ways.

[@rhaebeam]

Marie I never knew you have a radio show. You got some things right & you opened my mind to somethings. I will give that a try next time it happens...I will turn the conversation on a dime, the weather or something like that. Thank you.

[@katiiia111]

I love her she is so amazing she helps me so muchhhhhh 😩❣❣❣ my brother WHATS YOUR POINT MAN !??!!?

[@joannesaltfleet2071]

Great advice I will take on board when those situations come up again in future.

[@rhaebeam]

I need to remember this! what's your point!

[@debrawatson-graumenz7249]

No contact with toxic people. Moved on. I have no time for disrespect. I love positive happy people who are kind.

[@freiza79]

i scare the shit out of them by my beet red facial expression of anger

[@Nepthu]

Good one! I'll try to remember this.

[@lizzies.8097]

I did this because my brother slapped himself to make it sound like I hit him... I’m now grounded...

[@cathygoltsoff9615]

I love this. Thank you for making this video.

[@christinagreaves7932]

Superb !!

[@JoeLewis14]

Simple and effective. Thanks.

[@tcshy1903]

This is my sister. She is HATEFUL! I do not know why! I don't know what I did to her for her to spew such rude, vicious comments at me.

[@endlesspossibilities8203]

But what if they insult you after you say "what's your point?"

[@fredrodnick2881]

colene lalgie true and what if they are family who you need to deal with for whatever reason .this has been going on for many years and saying whats your point eggs them on even more. Ignoring does not work either cause they persist and even act out

[@Lisam0nster]

Fred Rodnick I think at that point it's time have a come to Jesus talk. Yes they are family but they need to treat you with respect. If they don't respect your boundaries and refuse to, treat them like a naughty child. "No." "I'm not discussing it with you." "That's not your buiness" and walk away/leave the conversation.

[@peaceangel-rl2hf]

I say 'what does that mean?' Or 'what do you mean by that?

[@Samantha-sd5ci]

I'm not taking any credit, since I got this response from another video, but you might want to say this instead... "I hear what your saying - I'm not taking it on board - I'm not owning it - I'm not implementing it- with all due respect- this has nothing to do with me." P.S. say it in a calm and collective tone....💬✨

[@the_infinity_channel]

Nice person? We all know what does it mean. I had been in toxic family relationships for 25 years and trust me find a way to remove yourself from them as soon as possible. Remove yourself because you dont wanna to be a slave to their insults and bad games in being a nice person. Remove yourself because everyone deserve to be treated with respect and do not seatell for less. Those people will never change especially if they and most of them do not work on their self. Do not be foolish.

[@charinagel5690]

I love it thanks so much for your advice.

[@cliffcarr3632]

I play a game..its called being a complete dim wit. Anything they say annoying I just reply.. Who? Where?, Me?Why? What? Thats to each of their comments or questions, honest it drives them mad and they will get the hang of it ...LOL!! Try it folks, please! I am an expert towards rude people and that always works for me.

[@assiabenslimane2589]

I love ur approach ..ur expression ..i just love it Thank u

[@nemo9396]

I think this gives them more room to make more rude comments: A - I see you've gained some weight B - what's your point? (4 words btw actually ... hehe) A - You've got to watch it if you're planning to fit in your bathing suit this summer B - yes but what's your point? A - people don't like fat people. Fat people are ugly. I think you need to be more assertive and state to them that their opinion doesn't matter to you and you are happy as you are. Saying something like "I know, I kinda like how I look" or simply "yes but who cares?" may work too.

[@lillyrocks2011]

Louis John Thanks. You're right too. People who really wants to bother you or piss you off, will have the excuses, to answer you, with more non sense but they will.

[@Sweetearth1958]

I usually ask them "Why do you care?" Multiple times if need be. If it continues, I might say, "You should probably seek some help to find out why I take up so much space in your brain."

[@adambohman6405]

@@Sweetearth1958 I like that!

[@adambohman6405]

Nah, you don't need to be more assertive with that person. They end up making themselves look pretty bad. Stay classy my friend!

[@xxxxpinkypigxxxx]

I really needed this right now thank you!!!!

[@skeen8990]

Rude people aren’t worth ANY words

[@fairymairah]

This is good. thanks for the advice 😄👍 !

[@HeWhoFlewFromInwood]

Avoid your abusers

[@lindaeasley5606]

Yes . Somebody I know loves to hurl insults and insinuations at me when they get upset

[@GlobalCanadaPM]

WIsh it was that easy ! They tell you I am trying to show your problem !!

[@marzstar3568]

Great. I dont get why one would want to get a rise or provoke...just to be mean-but have seen it happen.

[@tristan583]

The most useless Advice of All time , A narcissistic person would love knowing its affecting you , no words stop them . Just cut any tie with them to the point they have to ask of you're still Alive.

[@victoriasegall3404]

Yes! Exactly! I tried this many years ago, and I may as well have spoken Zulu. I mean, come on! That will only encourage a seasoned bully to antagonize you even more. I tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't like my park, then don't sit on my bench. Go somewhere else.

[@anjalimathur643]

I just wanted to know what one should do if one finds out that a family member is supporting their biggest enemy.

[@sissi8610]

Great video, haven't checked your channel for a while, I see you're on spreaker now. Hope everything is going ok for you, you have helped me a lot quite a few years ago with your videos. Thanks again, God bless!

[@williamfuchs2754]

Hi Marie, I listen to all of your videos on You Tube, and I love them! I was wondering if I could ask you for advice, please. What can I say in response to my cousin who told me I am narcissistic, entitled, and lack empathy? She also said that my husband, Bill, treats me like a girl instead of a woman and encourages my narcissism. I received this feedback a few weeks after we had vacationed together in late September 2021. I am really hurt and angry over this. Since then, she has become more distant towards me. We used to talk every two weeks or thereabouts on the phone, and she would normally call me over the holidays. This past Christmas and New Year's, she did not call me at all but sent me a text message instead, hoping we were enjoying our holidays. I am really heartbroken over this and have been for the past 4 months and have constantly been crying over her remarks. I really thought she knew and understood me but now feel betrayed. My friends and therapist disagree with her remarks. Please help! Thank you. Sue

[@maxvlogs2690]

Your my favorite channel

[@warthunder_The_scalemodeler_za]

Thank you, you are amazing...it really helped

[@clincpb8903]

And this kind of people end up being let down by good people ! and they wonder why !!!!

[@elleham4723]

I guess I see what you’re saying here, but I feel saying what’s your point, just gives that person more power. Now you’ve shown them that their comment upset you. I think it’s more effective to show someone that you couldn’t care less about what they have to say. I think method this will prob work on ppl who don’t mean to be rude.

[@BlaqkEye888]

I feel this needs to be on repeat during the holidays! 🏳️‍🌈

[@mikemiller2094]

I have jealous family members I just don't go around him at all

[@mandymoore5774]

Thank you! Very insightful

[@natashageorge6587]

Genius! I’m using it right now.

[@alexgeez4357]

Thank you 😊 *sob my sister really hurt me unlike everyday

[@The1992hem]

It was at Thanksgiving dinner 2 years ago, my Mom politely asked my cousin to go do something for her and my cousin said to her "Well, you can ask". She was smart mouthing my mother. My mom's reaction was that she was really pissed off, and she just wanted to smack her. My cousin is a snot, and my mom told me about this. And I don't like her as much as i used to, not realizing of how snotty she can be to other people. I didn't know this was going on,but it breaks my heart to see my family members to get hurt that way and if i would of done a better job of being a daughter and protect my Mother,I would of, but my cousin's parents were not around to hear it. It makes me sick that family members can and will say things to hurt each other on purpose. If i did that to my Mother,she would of smacked me right across the face because i know she wouldn't take anyones garbage. I don't think my mom was asking too much of her. How would you feel if someone said something like that to you after you ask them politely to go do something for you?

[@curtistinemiller1560]

SAY THIS TO STOP A PERSON IN THIER TRACTS...WHATS YOUR POINT?.

[@SHAUNDJFISHBEATSMARTIN]

all my family are like this

[@marisaliu6948]

This happened to me a few days ago just in the car one of my family members just started it and just got to me and I was so anxious I was trying to stop them to continue. And she was just like blaming on me about my past and trying to upset me. And she ruined my everyday mood because of that and it was so hurtful how selfish she is. But if I say to her "what's your point" and she said she doesn't have a point and just continues what else can I do? And how can I really stop her from doing it? She's making everyone else get into the topic about me and is making feel uncomfortable and she is obviously disrespectful.

[@anotherdavidc]

I hate that too

[@tammymcginty123]

This is why the suggestion to respond saying, "What is your point"? is so useless, does not work & flat out bad advise. The only thing that I agree w/ is...The attacker is JEALOUS!

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I am in a dilemma now. Our narcissistic daughter and her husband cozy up to my husband and devalue me. I have asked my husband to talk things over with me before they come to our house when they want to come. I have tried to go no contact, but it is almost impossible when my husband keeps in contact, invites them over and gets along great with them. He acts as though he doesn't believe me when I tell him the covertly mean ways they act toward me. My son in law actually told me in front of my husband that he didn't respect me, but that he respected my husband. My husband said nothing, while they continue to treat me like this. I don't want to be here when they come over, but I know my husband will be angry if I leave for the day to avoid contact. I don't know what to do and could use a little advise on this. Thank you!

[@ratherbenapping10]

So what if your husband will be mad that you leave? All that matters is that YOU are mad that he is having them come to your house without your permission. And he doesn't seem to give a damn he is upsetting you put your foot down and leave when they come over make your point heard. And don't be a push over stop caring if you make people upset that attitude is why they don't respect you in the first place.

[@okno99]

How to deal with parents who don't believe you?

[@jessh1290]

Ask them what you would gain from lying

[@wildbsc]

You wouldnt get a word in sideways when my son is in full rage!

[@TheBohemianStyle]

Thank you very much!

[@electriceye2108]

Another good sorta one i say is"yeah whatever you reckon mate" or "whatever makes you happy" spose it it lets em know u know their trying to have a dig at u to make them feel better bout there sorry selves.